Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Hell, the cultural differences are the best. They give you a ton of things to talk about and should be celebrated, not avoided. Be respectful - for instance, when dating in Thailand, I've learned not to be too loud or to show PDA in public. It's just not done, and I learned that.

But have fun!
 
ZackieChan said:
Hell, the cultural differences are the best. They give you a ton of things to talk about and should be celebrated, not avoided. Be respectful - for instance, when dating in Thailand, I've learned not to be too loud or to show PDA in public. It's just not done, and I learned that.

But have fun!
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Thank you! I think her and I are almost both too respectful.


***note that I live in Los Angeles and I mean that from a melting pot perspective***


I've dated just about every ethnicity under the sun but never someone with a language barrier (or for longer than a month). The barrier was always was a killer but she is pretty good (2 years in) and fluent enough where the snags are minimal.

I think you hit the nail on the head in just identifying differences between the two and asking about them. She loved when I told her about 'prepping for Japan' and learning about the cultural differences all the way down to escalator etiquette.

Thanks you :)





Cobalt Izuna said:
Have a job. ;)
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I squeeze lemons for lemonade stands.
 
I've never dated a Japanese woman but I've dated a few East Asian women and South East Asian women. The thing I've learned is they are all different, hard to give advice that's relevant to one specific woman just cuz she's from a specific place. That being said, take what ZC said for instance, there are some cultural norms you should be aware of, though it's more important I think if you were in Japan with her. Since you are in USA I think she should be adapting to your culture.

You said there is a language barrier, that's tough but there is google translate, you can type stuff in and have it spit out the Japanese. I've done that plenty of times with dates.

I think she can tell you more about what she expects from you and a potential relationship than we can. If you feel you are possibly doing something inappropriate culturally then ask her.
 
What's interesting (at least to me) is that I've dated a lot of women in the Los Angeles area in the past couple years and the air or underbelly or the options here really fuck with people. It makes them erratic, particularly on Apps. Not that I'm a stalwart of consistency but trying to build something with flighty people has set me up in the wrong way a few times.


The impetus of this city's dating scene seems like it'll get worse. Sure it's fun and in some ways rewarding, but honestly (and probably to me) - damaging.



Focusing in on my current friend regardless :)


edit: great advice vern - I think I just need to go for it
 
vern said:
I've never dated a Japanese woman but I've dated a few East Asian women and South East Asian women. The thing I've learned is they are all different, hard to give advice that's relevant to one specific woman just cuz she's from a specific place. That being said, take what ZC said for instance, there are some cultural norms you should be aware of, though it's more important I think if you were in Japan with her. Since you are in USA I think she should be adapting to your culture.

You said there is a language barrier, that's tough but there is google translate, you can type stuff in and have it spit out the Japanese. I've done that plenty of times with dates.

I think she can tell you more about what she expects from you and a potential relationship than we can. If you feel you are possibly doing something inappropriate culturally then ask her.
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I meant it to mean that you should be respectful and genuinely curious about cultural differences, not that you need to act on them in a different culture. Sorry I wasn't clear!
 
Flowers are for your home. Your mom. Valentines day. Thats it. I have a lot of wild flowers that grow around my place in allies and stuff and sometimes if a girl sleeps over i pick one when i have to walk my dog in the morning.

Spontaneous flowers are great.
Premeditated flowers are not.
 
M52B28 said:
Times have changed completely.

When it comes to posting relationship statuses on Facebook, do you all think it's tacky at all?

Lots of people do it, but I find it really corny to do so. It's also funny when people end relationships on Facebook because people swamp the update with "What happened?"

Just asking because the girl I'm involved with is really into Facebook and posting photos and statuses about what she's doing.
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Yeah they just want attention.

People who air their shit on FB need a new outlet. Get out and go have a life, someone asking "what's wrong" or "what happened?" On FB is minimal effort, go out with some friends and talk about it.

The relationship status thing is redundant. I know people who aren't in a relationship that say they are. And people who are but don't have the status up on FB.
 
I haven't set my relationship status nor am I planning to, but at least I'm not like my gf's friend who had "single" on her front page while in a relationship lol (she actually didn't know, my gf told her that I spotted it and she changed it right away)
 
My first girlfriend and I were 'facebook' official and we used that as a way of telling our friends. Took a lot of the work out of telling mutual friends.

Lately, if I ever get serious with someone, no way that's going on facebook. I dated a girl for a while who was super into facebook and the minute I asked her to be exclusive, she went to update her facebook status. It felt pretty tacky and kind of felt like attention seeking behaviour from her. I didn't update my status. She never said anything but I got the impression she was a little hurt by this. We broke up after a short period of time and she was engaged to someone within the next year, documenting every step of the process from engagement to the wedding on facebook. Too much man.

On dating Japanese women, I can't give too much advice. I've gone on a handful of dates with one Japanese woman and her approach to dating was very reserved. She preferred to pursue friendship with someone and if either person developed feelings for the other they would 'confess their love' (her words) for one another and become boyfriend girlfriend on the spot. No kissing or any kind of physical intimacy up until that point. Obviously I noped out of that pretty quick.

I'm sure not all Japanese women are like this, particularly ones who have been living in the West for a couple of years. People are different though. There are no specific tips. With regard to language barriers, just be aware that she may have difficulties interpreting things like sarcasm and other nuances in communication that derive from the tone of your voice and certain slang or expressions may be interpreted literally if she's never heard them before. I'd say the importance of clear communication is more important with people for whom English is a second language.
 
I don't even like ADDING girls I'm dating on Facebook. I like to keep that part of my life private, until it gets to another level of seriousness. Funnily enough, the last time was with a girl I was living with in Japan. #inception
 
facebook official is such shit.

I only put it up after like a year. Funnily enough the first 5 months of that relationship i was technically still married and going the divorce motions so i really couldnt say anything about it publicly. even though she was living with me after 2 months (she she never went home)
 
WolfeTone said:
My first girlfriend and I were 'facebook' official and we used that as a way of telling our friends. Took a lot of the work out of telling mutual friends.

Lately, if I ever get serious with someone, no way that's going on facebook. I dated a girl for a while who was super into facebook and the minute I asked her to be exclusive, she went to update her facebook status. It felt pretty tacky and kind of felt like attention seeking behaviour from her. I didn't update my status. She never said anything but I got the impression she was a little hurt by this. We broke up after a short period of time and she was engaged to someone within the next year, documenting every step of the process from engagement to the wedding on facebook. Too much man.

On dating Japanese women, I can't give too much advice. I've gone on a handful of dates with one Japanese woman and her approach to dating was very reserved. She preferred to pursue friendship with someone and if either person developed feelings for the other they would 'confess their love' (her words) for one another and become boyfriend girlfriend on the spot. No kissing or any kind of physical intimacy up until that point. Obviously I noped out of that pretty quick.

I'm sure not all Japanese women are like this, particularly ones who have been living in the West for a couple of years. People are different though. There are no specific tips. With regard to language barriers, just be aware that she may have difficulties interpreting things like sarcasm and other nuances in communication that derive from the tone of your voice and certain slang or expressions may be interpreted literally if she's never heard them before. I'd say the importance of clear communication is more important with people for whom English is a second language.
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That definitely sounds like the more traditional approach, but I have made out with girls in semi-public before with no issues and some girls on Tinder are still quick to move with you to somewhere private depending on what they want (and not all of them had overseas experience).
 
Seirith said:
My parents have been married for 45 years. They met, dated a few months and then my father got drafted, they wrote back and forth when they could and after he got home he asked her to marry him. She was 20 and he was 21 when they got married. They have their issues sometimes but love each other dearly and are very happily married. My mother had cancer last year and had to sleep in a recliner for 4 months after because she couldn't sleep in a bed, my father slept on the couch every single night next to her in case she needed anything. She never did but he insisted on being near her. He also went to radiation with her every single day for 6 weeks.

I have been with my husband for 18 years, we met when I was 14 turning 15, he asked me out 7 days after I turned 15 and we are very happily married. He is the only guy I ever dated. He dated a girl before me for like a month, very casually, so I was his first serious gf.
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This is great to hear. My parents have been married for over 30 years and it was both their first serious relationship (at least that's what I've been told lol). Some friends of theirs just celebrated 75(!!) years of marriage.

I guess I'm just a little more aware of these sorts of things when I think about my current relationship and where it's headed.
 
I like attention, so I update my fb and share it like a chump.

Everything has been fuckin great with that girl since she cut out her ex btw
 
ZackieChan said:
Hell, the cultural differences are the best. They give you a ton of things to talk about and should be celebrated, not avoided. Be respectful - for instance, when dating in Thailand, I've learned not to be too loud or to show PDA in public. It's just not done, and I learned that.

But have fun!
Click to expand...
An American not being loud in another country? Unthinkable!

vern said:
I've never dated a Japanese woman but I've dated a few East Asian women and South East Asian women. The thing I've learned is they are all different, hard to give advice that's relevant to one specific woman just cuz she's from a specific place. That being said, take what ZC said for instance, there are some cultural norms you should be aware of, though it's more important I think if you were in Japan with her. Since you are in USA I think she should be adapting to your culture.

You said there is a language barrier, that's tough but there is google translate, you can type stuff in and have it spit out the Japanese. I've done that plenty of times with dates.

I think she can tell you more about what she expects from you and a potential relationship than we can. If you feel you are possibly doing something inappropriate culturally then ask her.
Click to expand...
I need to see these Google Translate dates in action!
 
ZackieChan said:
They've got a thing where you can talk back in forth in different languages and it translates the voices on the fly. Pretty amazing.
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Pretty interesting. I always questioned the capability of those programs. Interesting to hear that they actually work. I'll give it a try.

The only language I can somewhat speak is French. Other than that, I can't speak any other languages.

It feels weird coming back to the west coast from the Midwest in the US. I never really encountered people who spoke their native language. Now, in the West, I feel like an ignorant fool due to this. So many people I know out here are bilingual, so I feel like I'm catching up.

I never had any interest in dating Asian women until I came out here. I started warm up to dating people of different cultures, and I've tried to get rid of the closed mindedness that I once had by trying to get things going with the Chinese American woman I've gotten to understand and know.

She speaks fluent Chinese and is really close with her heritage. She speaks another language as well. Really interesting.

This Swedish girl I've been vibing with started to teach me snippets of Swedish in exchange for a few lessons of French since she knows none of it.

As some have said in here, it's refreshing and cool taking in cultural differences, especially when it comes into dating. That's where you really start to learn about different cultures.

Fuck Facebook official.
 
I was blown away by how well it was translating Chinese recently, and Spanish when I was attempting to talk to the maid at my AirBNB in Mexico earlier this year.
 
Ray Wonder said:
I like attention, so I update my fb and share it like a chump.

Everything has been fuckin great with that girl since she cut out her ex btw
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I update mine too. Not for attention, more so dudes stop hitting on me. Definitely cuts it down anyhow having it.

Speaking of, the metalhead and I will probably change ours sometime soon. Things are going really well :)
 
Japanese girls:

They are all different. Just like America, you will meet loud, quiet, cool, intellectual, etc.

However, do keep sarcasm to a minimum. Jokes don't play the same. You will see that, after watching a few things together.

And most Japanese are usually quite appreciative if you are taking care to learn language and culture.

Most of them are pretty expressive with sounds and words
this translates well into saying what you feel. It wont take long to find a rhythm with her.
 
Messofanego said:
An American not being loud in another country? Unthinkable!


I need to see these Google Translate dates in action!
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Well my Chinese is good enough now I don't really break out the translator unless something completely new is happening that I have no idea how to say. But google tranlate dates were fun, you can sit close and both huddle over the phone and learn new words in each other's language and when it gets tiring you can stop and just stare into each others eyes. Very romantic.
 
I had a small party with some friends and a friend (girl) also brought her girls.

I was told after that party that there's a girl in that group that's very interested but i can't get any tips from the friend (girl) on who it may be. I feel like I'm getting played. The classic "she would LOVE to see you again" but i can't get a clue.

I hate teasing and my radar is normally great at picking up signs. Now, I'm curious since there was hot girls there and i had great conversations. How can i handle that without being an asshole?
 
The Power Of Snap said:
I had a small party with some friends and a friend (girl) also brought her girls.

I was told after that party that there's a girl in that group that's very interested but i can't get any tips from the friend (girl) on who it may be. I feel like I'm getting played. The classic "she would LOVE to see you again" but i can't get a clue.

I hate teasing and my radar is normally great at picking up signs. Now, I'm curious since there was hot girls there and i had great conversations. How can i handle that without being an asshole?
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"Yo, don't waste my fucking time with this type of thing. If you got information just tell me, otherwise don't bother".

That's how I would approach the friend that told you. The girls, well just contact the one you liked the most. Some grape vine "someone might like you" isn't really some info to build your whole world around.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
"Yo, don't waste my fucking time with this type of thing. If you got information just tell me, otherwise don't bother".

That's how I would approach the friend that told you. The girls, well just contact the one you liked the most. Some grape vine "someone might like you" isn't really some info to build your whole world around.
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On point, as always.

You think Drake keeps asking about shit like this? Naw, he just goes and scoops up T-Swift.
 
My ex got upset that after a year I finally updated on Facebook we were together, and she kept saying it was because of privacy but then we broke up a few months after and within those past few months she was acting strange. Well two months after breaking up finding out she's been talking to a guy before we broke up. We'll that figures. Anyways no girl updates I feel like I'm just not attractive or something is wrong with me. Even though I'm 20 and have placement quite a bit I was atleast expecting to talk to girls more frequently but nope. Life is a struggle right now, just super down and depressed while my other friends are all talking to girls. I actually hate being single it's the worst feeling and I'm not going to jump into a relationship for the sake of it but I wish things would work in my favor.
 
ZackieChan said:
On point, as always.

You think Drake keeps asking about shit like this? Naw, he just goes and scoops up T-Swift.
Click to expand...

Their collab sap song is gonna be some straight fire. And the break up diss tracks gonna be some grade A drama. Can't wait. 🔥🔥🔥

Lulubop said:
Do grown adults do that?
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Yeah they do. But like all my friends know that I hate it so if they do it they are getting yelled at. I hate trying to have a conversation and someone is just being coy and vague and shit "like bruh, I aint got time for you to be wasting my time like this. If you don't have actual information to give please spare me the babbling". For the most part they stopped doing it with me. Set your boundaries homies. It works.

dcelw540 said:
My ex got upset that after a year I finally updated on Facebook we were together, and she kept saying it was because of privacy but then we broke up a few months after and within those past few months she was acting strange. Well two months after breaking up finding out she's been talking to a guy before we broke up. We'll that figures. Anyways no girl updates I feel like I'm just not attractive or something is wrong with me. Even though I'm 20 and have placement quite a bit I was atleast expecting to talk to girls more frequently but nope. Life is a struggle right now, just super down and depressed while my other friends are all talking to girls. I actually hate being single it's the worst feeling and I'm not going to jump into a relationship for the sake of it but I wish things would work in my favor.
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Bruh you're 20. You aint even done real people shit most likely if you're still in school. How are you here talking about "I'm 20 and no girls want anything to do with me". You're very young. I get it's hard to put in context but you aint got anything to be worried about man. People find significant others at like 40. Also, I think I'm ugly doesn't help your cause at all. What does that thinking do for you? Upgrade your style, get a new haircut, hit the gym. There are lots of ways to increase your attractiveness.

Also, talking to girls is a very overated standard. You can go to the bar tonight and talk to a bunch of girls. Do you want a relationship or do you just want girls giving you attention? If you want to meet people pursue new avenues and try to be more social. Try and do things solo or with new people.

Shadylunchbox said:
How do you get a nice girl if you slang dope?
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Natually you need her to also be in the dope game.

Amagon said:
Get her hooked on it.
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Yeah and next thing you know 10 grams missing after a night of netflix and chill. Bad idea bruh.
 
Gotdatmoney said:
"Yo, don't waste my fucking time with this type of thing. If you got information just tell me, otherwise don't bother".

That's how I would approach the friend that told you. The girls, well just contact the one you liked the most. Some grape vine "someone might like you" isn't really some info to build your whole world around.
Click to expand...

Thanks man, that's good stuff.
 
dcelw540 said:
My ex got upset that after a year I finally updated on Facebook we were together, and she kept saying it was because of privacy but then we broke up a few months after and within those past few months she was acting strange. Well two months after breaking up finding out she's been talking to a guy before we broke up. We'll that figures. Anyways no girl updates I feel like I'm just not attractive or something is wrong with me. Even though I'm 20 and have placement quite a bit I was atleast expecting to talk to girls more frequently but nope. Life is a struggle right now, just super down and depressed while my other friends are all talking to girls. I actually hate being single it's the worst feeling and I'm not going to jump into a relationship for the sake of it but I wish things would work in my favor.
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Shocker, most of the times when someone breaks up with a person they already got someone else in mind to replace

That's why unless the girl I'm with is my girlfriend, and we're beyond the simple dating phase, I always keep my options open without actually cheating. I'm just not naive to think the person I'm seeing only has eyes for me like some classic Hollywood script
 
The Power Of Snap said:
Thanks man, that's good stuff.
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Main thing is you can't be afraid to talk to people. Sometimes you just gotta be willing to reach out. If they aren't interested you just take the L and keep doing your thing elsewhere. But if they are interested they'll reach back and then from there you're in good position.
 
So! Met someone on OKC the other night, we hit it off pretty easily and they immediately said they were really starting to like me. So far so good, right?

Well, we were supposed to meetup with them and their gaming group today, but at the last moment, some bullcrap happened at home and I was ultimately forced to stay home. Texted them about it, was going to start setting something else up, but they've been dead silent ever since. I'm pretty annoyed that I wasted a night and a day that I could've used for NaNoWriMo prep. :/

Speaking of, there's a local NaNo group party happening tomorrow night. I had my reservations about going, but after the shitacular day I had, I guess I could try and meet people there, get my mind off things?
 
So would coffee on a Friday or Saturday evening be weird for a first date? I've done that on week days and during the day on weekends before... I have an option for a Wednesday night too.. I almost feel like suggesting to grab a beer, but I hate how loud bars can get....
 
direct_quote said:
So would coffee on a Friday or Saturday evening be weird for a first date? I've done that on week days and during the day on weekends before... I have an option for a Wednesday night too.. I almost feel like suggesting to grab a beer, but I hate how loud bars can get....
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No?

It seems fine to me. Definitely better than saying nothing.
 
I've been on dates to wine bars and such that were a bit classier and quieter. How about that? You can talk and look like a sophisticated mother fucker.
 
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