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[IC5]

Man.... asked a girl out at work and got turned down.

A bit of backstory -- I'm older (38) have had many girlfriends in my life, and usually am very good about telling if a woman is interested. This girl showed every single sign of interest I can think of -- always coming to sit down and chat with me at my desk at work (which she doesn't do with anyone else in a work environment full of males), I constantly catch her staring at me, she's always finding excuses to touch me, she laughs hilariously at all my jokes, Etc etc etc. Everything was there.

I asked her to lunch on both of our days off and she said "I'm really busy and I'm already going out to lunch with a girlfriend, you can come if you'd like". Of course I just laughed and said "no thank you". It's kind of a wobbler.... because she DID invite me to go with her, but in my experience a girl who's interested will almost always follow up with "Well, what about (another day)"?

So I feel like I should just leave it be. She's also kind of different in a way because she's Ukrainian (been in the US for a few years only). She could also just be an attention whore, I don't know. Never been in this situation before.

A. Ukranians may be more physical with friends than we are used to?

B. She may be a playful type. Maybe not looking for an exclusive date. But, maybe ok with a friend to play with?

C. you should go to lunch with she and her friend. No reason to not make a new friend. And who knows, you might end up doing something together, after-all. Some people take a little more time.

D. You might like her friend, too!

So, I've been dating a girl for around two months now.

She is really great, good job, caring, genuine person, etc. The one thing that bugged me was that through the first two months of dating, I was picking her up and paying for everything.

I'm not cheap persay, but I would like a bit more equality in the expenses. I called her yesterday to casually mention that since we were officially dating, we should informally split some dating costs and she seemed seriously offended by the conversation.

Did I done goof GAF?

Well, who knows how that conversation went.

Here is what went through my mind:

Some people want you to pay for them/do things for them. This is the price you pay, to play. So to speak. If it doesn't REALLY bother you, if aspects of your relationship with her are good enough, you may just continue doing it. Or....


....In the case you really Do not want to continue doing that: I would make some plans which don't require some clear fronting of funds. Have an outing which doesn't result in buying a meal, paying for entry, etc. Have a couple of dates like that. Ask her to pick you up. Don't weaponize it. Don't say "can you pick me up for once? or ...this time? Just ask her if she will come to get you.

You could even go halfway and go out for drinks, later in the night, after you have separately eaten dinner. Maybe buy her first drink. Maybe not? Ultimately, see if she pays to keep herself buzzed, through the night.

Then, when you do eventually go out for dinner again; ask her, before you leave together, "can we split the check tonight?" Don't let it slip into an argument of disproportions. Maybe try to defer to something about conserving money. But really, if she wants to grill you about why and gets pissy about it, leave her for the night. You've got better things to do, than argue about sharing. People get it, or they don't.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

Going for drinks with a tinder girl tomorrow. She knows I'm only here for a couple of weeks, and my profile says I'm only looking for casual stuff when travelling. So hopefully I have a decent chance to score. I hope she has her own place, I don't think my airbnb hostess would approve of me bringing someone to her flat.

This is what I love about Asia, half an hour of swiping gets you 20+ matches. I'd be lucky to get that many matches in a couple of months in my own country

 

[ZackieChan]

I'm failing miserably here in Prague on Tinder and CMB. Perhaps it's me? Naw, it must be them. On to bigger and better (and more Budapest-y) things on Monday!

 

[Clairvoyance]

Even though I'm pretty sure I know what the advice will be, I still figured I'd share my situation here. Ya know, to be 100% sure...

I currently work overnight, and take a bus home. At the bus stop, there's sometimes this girl there who also works overnight at a place about 3 minutes from my job. Before this week, we only really talked for more than a minute once, because I usually don't say anything except a "good morning" since she's already talking to an older lady by the time I get to the stop. But this week we talked a decent amount, usually until my bus arrived. Hell, the last day we talked, my bus arrived and she was still talking as I began to get on my bus so I kind of cut her off to say goodbye, so I felt bad about that. She's usually the one to initiate the conversation as well, so I think that's a slightly good sign. Anyway, the problem is I'm not sure how to approach her and ask her out or whatever, since we haven't talked that much (total of about 15 minutes), and because I usually only see her once a week and usually for a few minutes. What should I do without seeming creepy or awkward?

 

[ZackieChan]

Even though I'm pretty sure I know what the advice will be, I still figured I'd share my situation here. Ya know, to be 100% sure...

I currently work overnight, and take a bus home. At the bus stop, there's sometimes this girl there who also works overnight at a place about 3 minutes from my job. Before this week, we only really talked for more than a minute once, because I usually don't say anything except a "good morning" since she's already talking to an older lady by the time I get to the stop. But this week we talked a decent amount, usually until my bus arrived. Hell, the last day we talked, my bus arrived and she was still talking as I began to get on my bus so I kind of cut her off to say goodbye, so I felt bad about that. She's usually the one to initiate the conversation as well, so I think that's a slightly good sign. Anyway, the problem is I'm not sure how to approach her and ask her out or whatever, since we haven't talked that much (total of about 15 minutes), and because I usually only see her once a week and usually for a few minutes. What should I do without seeming creepy or awkward?

Step 1: remove anime avatar
Step 2: ask what she's doing this weekend
Step 3: if nothing pressing, ask her on a date

 

[Clairvoyance]

Step 1: remove anime avatar
Step 2: ask what she's doing this weekend
Step 3: if nothing pressing, ask her on a date

1. No
2/3. That's what I was going to do, but if I only end up seeing her on Monday, but would it be strange to ask so early in the week what she's doing on the weekend?

^No?

K. Figured as much but my co-worker keeps saying it would be.

 

[GK86]

^No?

 

[Lulubop]

1. No
2/3. That's what I was going to do, but if I only end up seeing her on Monday, but would it be strange to ask so early in the week what she's doing on the weekend?



K. Figured as much but my co-worker keeps saying it would be.

no

 

[ZackieChan]

Just don't let her view your NeoGaf User Control Panel

 

[M52B28]

No!

 

[Messofanego]

Will this be a long engagement? or are you saying that you two will be getting married, after a few dates?

I realize there is probably a lot of culture and tradition, feeding into this. But, if at all possible, I would encourage you to have a long engagement, at the least. Or even more simply, dating someone for quite awhile. Hopefully your culture allows room for that.

An engagement is a good idea, actually. Engagement is basically a relationship but you're not married and can leave if it doesn't work out. I know people who've been engaged for years lol, but then cut it off. Right now, it's too early, I was just a bit excited after the date and shouldn't have been talking about marriage so soon lol, that's my fault. Gonna go on a few more dates and see how it shakes out. But if we did get together, we wouldn't be living together or then that would have to be a marriage.

 

[Soriku]

I decided on the mall for the 10th, then we want to plan a video game date, and for the movies, her friend wants to do a double date so we'll likely do movies then.

 

[hydrophilic attack]

i need some sexting advice like now

 

[Astral]

i need some sexting advice like now

I've been told I'm good at this lol. Umm just be blunt but like tease a little first. Every girl I sexted loved the idea of just being touched softly all over their body. I always start with something like that.

 

[vern]

i need some sexting advice like now

Take pictures from a low angle, makes your peter look bigger.
Don't show your face or any other identifying features.
Don't say you wanna grab her by the pussy.
Tell her you wanna make her feel good and yadda yadda yadda, don't focus on yourself or your big willy or whatever, make it about her. She'll think you are a good lover even though you aren't.

That's the tried and true ZackieChan method.

 

[Astral]

Take pictures from a low angle, makes your peter look bigger.
Don't show your face or any other identifying features.
Don't say you wanna grab her by the pussy.
Tell her you wanna make her feel good and yadda yadda yadda, don't focus on yourself or your big willy or whatever, make it about her. She'll think you are a good lover even though you aren't.

That's the tried and true ZackieChan method.

This especially lol.

 

[Zakalwe]

I've grown tired of crafting thoughtful initial messages.

Running with a sentence or two at most shaping I've read their profile, ending with something along the lines of: "online talk isn't my thing, let's meet for conversation in person"

3/3 so far.

The trouble I'm having is finding people I actually want to date...

 

[ZackieChan]

That's the tried and true ZackieChan method.

Someday you'll master it bro.
Currently showing off pics of me and my big guns on all social media.

 

[M52B28]

The girl that looks at you, locks eyes, then looks away.

Ughhhh.

 

[brawly]

Man.... asked a girl out at work and got turned down.

Scary af because I'm in a similar situation. But the girl at my work is pretty shy but has been getting so less and less, so maybe it's different.

 

[M52B28]

Jesus.

Is it just hard for some of you to just, you know, meet women outside of work?

 

[Exokell]

Jesus.

Is it just hard for some of you to just, you know, meet women outside of work?

lol the guys aren't the only problem, girls are too.

 

[neptunes]

Jesus.

Is it just hard for some of you to just, you know, meet women outside of work?

Seems like it's either work, school, or online.

 

[Femto.]

Wished her a happy bday yesterday, chatted for a bit, suggested we should go out this weekend, and still no reply. No dice ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

Seems like it's either work, school, or online.

I've only made four attempts to random girls in public and I am 0/4. Never at work, usually at school or girls I hardly knew, but met them years ago.

I don't do online, I like things to be "organic" so to speak.

 

[Kevtones]

Well:


Date 4 tomorrow with Japanese woman. Going to The Last Bookstore and then Little Tokyo. She's from Tokyo so it should be really fun. She's shy and not about the PDA, though in private we went for it on Date 3. Really kind and sweet woman. Sexy. Very attracted to her physically and I really like her personality. Cultural differences are turning into a good thing


Date 3 on Tuesday with a Korean woman. She's cool and seems hesitant because she's been hurt a lot. We slept together on the first date and she said 'I don't think we can go further because of cultural differences' on date 2 yet she's texting me all the time. It's a test and she's pretty cool. She's bringing over beers for a election night and already said you can be my 'friend'. Basically we're in an agreement but if I were a betting man I think she likes me.



Date 1 on Thursday with a Latina. She reached out to me after awhile after checking my date profile like a month after I said 'hey let's grab drinks'. Going to some place in Los Feliz. She was into it from the texts and is probably in a similar position to me. Should be fun and I'm open-minded (and have a thing for Latinas).


Also a woman from work is totally into me. She's cute, into sports, and is single af. Everyone in the office is trying to set us up… Not sure what to do HALP.

*Cheers*

 

[AdventureRacing]

Jesus.

Is it just hard for some of you to just, you know, meet women outside of work?

My GF works at the same hospital that i do and it hasn't caused any issues. It seems to be a fairly common thing in the hospital setting so maybe it's different. Also we were friends for quite a long time before anything happened.

Overall I think it depends on the people involved and the workplace you're at. Whilst it can be a bad idea I don't think it's an absolute no as is often implied.

 

[brawly]

Jesus.

Is it just hard for some of you to just, you know, meet women outside of work?

Yes.

 

[ZackieChan]

Wished her a happy bday yesterday, chatted for a bit, suggested we should go out this weekend, and still no reply. No dice ¯\_(&#12484_/¯



I've only made four attempts to random girls in public and I am 0/4. Never at work, usually at school or girls I hardly knew, but met them years ago.

I don't do online, I like things to be "organic" so to speak.

So, you're not using one of the main methods that people use to meet dates today because...reasons.

And opting to do a method that introduces potential issues with your career. So weird.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Someday you'll master it bro.
Currently showing off pics of me and my big guns on all social media.

All I see is food.

#jealous.

 

[ZackieChan]

All I see is food.

#jealous.

Look again, homey - https://www.instagram.com/p/BMdtzl-FR72/?taken-by=zstrebeck

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Look again, homey - https://www.instagram.com/p/BMdtzl-FR72/?taken-by=zstrebeck

Oh shit

GTA Cosplay too?

 

[nitewulf]

The girl that looks at you, locks eyes, then looks away.

Ughhhh.

next time wink and lick your lips.

i have a funny story to add. i was sitting at an outdoor bar and staring across at this girl. essentially i was trying to get her attention. finally she looks at me and i wink at her, and she gives me the most disgusted look ever. i almost burst out laughing.

ok, so a few more questions. are there any girls here, would like to hear their opinions on this as well.

first of all, are guys pretty much saying: "Will you go out on a date with me?" that's what we all should ask? I mean how else are you making your romantic intentions known? But it just seems too straight-up.

Secondly, i'm assuming texting isn't a good way to ask someone out?

 

[GK86]

Asking a person out through text isn't bad (since everyone texts nowadays), but asking in person is better. Mainly since you can gauge the person's reaction.

 

[Kevtones]

Look again, homey - https://www.instagram.com/p/BMdtzl-FR72/?taken-by=zstrebeck

And followed!

 

[names2hard4you]

Look again, homey - https://www.instagram.com/p/BMdtzl-FR72/?taken-by=zstrebeck

Badass pics. Followed you as well.

 

[Xun]

Look again, homey - https://www.instagram.com/p/BMdtzl-FR72/?taken-by=zstrebeck

Followed.

Enjoying Prague I take it? It's a beautiful place.

 

[Femto.]

So, you're not using one of the main methods that people use to meet dates today because...reasons.

And opting to do a method that introduces potential issues with your career. So weird.

Issues with my career? I assume you mean school, never saw it as potential issues. I get what you mean though. I try not to approach girls in my classss as well, leaves out potential awkwardness.

I have nothing against meeting people online, I just prefer not to do it. Even my best friend's wife has tried to get me to do it. I'll probably eat my own words though in the future if I'm not getting anywhere with my current approaches.

 

[Nudull]

Had a decent little date with NaNo girl. She ran nearly an hour late, and I'm unsure of how things may work out, but I got treated to a free lunch at least.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Issues with my career? I assume you mean school, never saw it as potential issues. I get what you mean though. I try not to approach girls in my classss as well, leaves out potential awkwardness.

I have nothing against meeting people online, I just prefer not to do it. Even my best friend's wife has tried to get me to do it. I'll probably eat my own words though in the future if I'm not getting anywhere with my current approaches.

What's the issue with meeting people online? You're worried about meeting crazies?

Anyway, in me related news, your boy is engaged! I popped the question last night and she said yes. We're getting married next year. Shit was tense as fuck as she started to cry and I thought she was crying cause she didn't want to, but nope, happy tears motherfuckers.

Feeling fucking fantastic.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Look again, homey - https://www.instagram.com/p/BMdtzl-FR72/?taken-by=zstrebeck

How's it feel to hold a gun in those tiny hands fam?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

What's the issue with meeting people online? You're worried about meeting crazies?

Anyway, in me related news, your boy is engaged! I popped the question last night and she said yes. We're getting married next year. Shit was tense as fuck as she started to cry and I thought she was crying cause she didn't want to, but nope, happy tears motherfuckers.

Feeling fucking fantastic.

Congrats, Miles! I think you've got the first no-kidding success story in these threads.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Congrats, Miles! I think you've got the first no-kidding success story in these threads.

Thanks bro.

Must admit I was shitting bricks the whole night. She didn't have the best of days at work and I thought about waiting but I decided there's no fucking way I'm waiting and took that step. So glad I did, it's rare to find someone who gets you on a deep level, who understands that you being a dick isn't because you don't care but because you believe there's no reason to sugar coat shit and coddle people.

 

[electricshake]

next time wink and lick your lips.

i have a funny story to add. i was sitting at an outdoor bar and staring across at this girl. essentially i was trying to get her attention. finally she looks at me and i wink at her, and she gives me the most disgusted look ever. i almost burst out laughing.

ok, so a few more questions. are there any girls here, would like to hear their opinions on this as well.

first of all, are guys pretty much saying: "Will you go out on a date with me?" that's what we all should ask? I mean how else are you making your romantic intentions known? But it just seems too straight-up.

Secondly, i'm assuming texting isn't a good way to ask someone out?

Nah a guy has never asked me that before. Actually I've done most of the asking. You are better off with specifics, ie a day and a place. So you could say something like 'let me take you out for coffee on Wednesday' or 'let's go on a date - drinks at x bar on Friday?'

With online dating I used to suggest going for a drink and offered my number if I was enjoying the conversation. Most either responded with theirs or just texted me. Some I never met up with but plenty followed through.

Also, congrats Miles! Great news.

 

[Bruce Springsteen]

The girl that looks at you, locks eyes, then looks away.

Ughhhh.

Then you go and talk to her, what exactly are you waiting for?

 

[ZackieChan]

Oh shit

GTA Cosplay too?

And followed!

Badass pics. Followed you as well.

Followed.

Enjoying Prague I take it? It's a beautiful place.

Haha, thanks all. Prague is great. Beautiful and friendly city. My plate of goulash and dumplings just arrived.

I haven't done much, though, and leaving for Budapest tomorrow!

Issues with my career? I assume you mean school, never saw it as potential issues. I get what you mean though. I try not to approach girls in my classss as well, leaves out potential awkwardness.

I have nothing against meeting people online, I just prefer not to do it. Even my best friend's wife has tried to get me to do it. I'll probably eat my own words though in the future if I'm not getting anywhere with my current approaches.

Sorry, thought you were one of the "meet em at work" dudes! School is fine. But I think you should put out some feelers online. Your feelings are irrational.

How's it feel to hold a gun in those tiny hands fam?

😅😅😅
Congrats, you son of a bitch

 

[Femto.]

What's the issue with meeting people online? You're worried about meeting crazies?

None, I haven't tried online dating so I am in no place to say there are any issues. Just a preference for the time being.

Sorry, thought you were one of the "meet em at work" dudes! School is fine. But I think you should put out some feelers online. Your feelings are irrational.

No worries. Irrational is one way to put it, stubborn even. If I had to provide any rationale for it, it is because I'd feel like an "online ad" and I would be "shopping" for women, I know not a very good reason (stupid I'll admit), but its how I feel lol That is not to say I'll never try online dating, just seeing how it will go for me without it for now.

Like I mentioned in the previous page, dating isn't really a priority for me right now and I'm focused on other things in my life. I just wanted to chime in here about a girl who asked me to her Halloween party last weekend and attempted to take it further.

I do appreciate the replies though, thanks guys.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I'd feel like an "online ad" and I would be "shopping" for women

Just gonna point out that this is literally what you are doing when you're dating period. Unless when you meet women in real life you dress like a slob, don't try to be social and try to talk to every girl regradless of whether you are or are not attracted to them this is reality.

So yeah, it is dumb.

 

[ZackieChan]

Also, the women PUT THEMSELVES on there, because they want to be "shopped," as you put it. Just like you do. People wanna meet and date. Get with it, mang.

 

[Femto.]

Just gonna point out that this is literally what you are doing when you're dating period. Unless when you meet women in real life you dress like a slob, don't try to be social and try to talk to every girl regradless of whether you are or are not attracted to them this is reality.

So yeah, it is dumb.

You're not wrong bro, maybe I just prefer meeting women in person? I told you all, I wasn't going to have a good reason lol

Also, the women PUT THEMSELVES on there, because they want to be "shopped," as you put it. Just like you do. People wanna meet and date. Get with it, mang.

Fuck, didn't think about it like that. Look at me being stubborn and not getting with the times.

 

[M52B28]

Then you go and talk to her, what exactly are you waiting for?

haha, I was at work helping a customer when it happened.