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[M52B28]

I'm looking for something long-term in a short-term area.

She's older than me, but we are on the same page and match up very well. This is the girl I've mentioned in and out for a bit, but its only been since now that I decided to stop brushing it off and start taking it a little more serious.

She is out in the United States as a abroad student from Sweden. She plans on moving back to Sweden after we are over with Spring semester which ends in May. She hates how expensive it is for her to go to school, and she's starting to run out of money to live and to go to school here, plus she can't work.

I understand that, but I simply want more.

We have a lot of the same outlook on life and have so many of the same goals. It would absolutely suck to see it within such a time frame.

 

[SeriuzBiznus]

Oh shit, that sucks so much. Stay strong, sister.

Sorry to hear that, but some people just aren't empathetic to those things, and if you have those issues that you would like to talk about; you should find someone who would talk about them with you.

Sorry to hear that. It sucks when you're feeling good about a relationship but don't get the same sentiments from the other person.

Ah, what the fuck, that's horrible :< I'm so legit mad for you right now. Just know there are others out there that don't act like jerks when you open up to them. Empathy does exist

Cheers for the kind words Gaffers. You're good people <3

I'm looking for something long-term in a short-term area.
...
We have a lot of the same outlook on life and have so many of the same goals. It would absolutely suck to see it within such a time frame.

I say go for it if you really like the girl. Spring is still a ways out and who knows what could happen in the interim.

 

[Bananajama]

My brain is fragged

Long had feeling for this one lass; tried multiple occasions - knocked back - settled on being friends (with benefits) - so much shizzles in common made sense..

Started seeing someone else as I'd given up - obvs. Stopped all the shenanigans

Woe and behold she's suddenly interested and my god is she showing some interest....Knocked her back everytime but it's messing with my head.

Sticking with who I'm seeing though as she had her chance.

My brain is in a mare of a place though as I always thought of her as the 'perfect partner'

Chuff sake

Not looking for advice
Just had to type this shit to make myself feel better!

I am doing the right thing aren't I? lol

 

[Ray Wonder]

I don't know if y'all remember the story, but her ex came back, and she went out of her way and said she'd never be over him, so I ended it. feels bad man.

 

[Femto.]

My brain is fragged

Long had feeling for this one lass; tried multiple occasions - knocked back - settled on being friends (with benefits) - so much shizzles in common made sense..

Started seeing someone else as I'd given up - obvs. Stopped all the shenanigans

Woe and behold she's suddenly interested and my god is she showing some interest....Knocked her back everytime but it's messing with my head.

Sticking with who I'm seeing though as she had her chance.

My brain is in a mare of a place though as I always thought of her as the 'perfect partner'

Chuff sake

Not looking for advice
Just had to type this shit to make myself feel better!

I am doing the right thing aren't I? lol

Personally, I don't think she did anything wrong but since you have tried multiple times I'd say no to trying again. Speaking from personal experience with something similar, stick with whom your dating and/or meet other women if you're not feeling it with your current girl.
In my opinion, you wouldn't be second guessing this if you were fully interested the girl you are currently dating.

I don't know if y'all remember the story, but her ex came back, and she went out of her way and said she'd never be over him, so I ended it. feels bad man.

This is the same girl you made the song for right?

If so, sorry to hear that. You did the right thing though, it's not even my relationship and I'm bummed about it! Hope you bounce back soon dude.

 

[Ray Wonder]

This is the same girl you made the song for right?

If so, sorry to hear that. You did the right thing though, it's not even my relationship and I'm bummed about it! Hope you bounce back soon dude.

Yes it is the girl I made a song for &#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;

Fuck, I gotta delete it. That shit is just going to make me depressed.

 

[amanset]

Yes it is the girl I made a song for &#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;

Fuck, I gotta delete it. That shit is just going to make me depressed.

Never delete stuff, just hide it away until you can deal with it.

I've managed to completely accidentally fall totally and utterly for a workmate. Which is always a no-no.

Who is currently in a relationship. Double no-no.

At least I am starting a new job in the beginning of February (and out of here a week before that). Just got to make it until that. And try and stop the continual messaging to each other that we seem to do.

 

[Ray Wonder]

Never delete stuff, just hide it away until you can deal with it.

I've managed to completely accidentally fall totally and utterly for a workmate. Which is always a no-no.

Who is currently in a relationship. Double no-no.

At least I am starting a new job in the beginning of February (and out of here a week before that). Just got to make it until that. And try and stop the continual messaging to each other that we seem to do.

It's too personalized though. I'll hide it, but I'll probably end up deleting it.

Did she say she's leaving the relationship, or are you just actively homewrecking?

 

[Femto.]

Yes it is the girl I made a song for &#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;

Fuck, I gotta delete it. That shit is just going to make me depressed.

It's too personalized though. I'll hide it, but I'll probably end up deleting it.

I'll come clean, I still have poems I wrote for my ex gf who I was with for five years. I wrote most of that stuff in 2009-2010 and still have it. It's probably unhealthy to still hold on to that shit, but reason I kept it is to remind myself of the hopeless romantic that I am. For quite a while I became cold and insensitive in our relationship (for reasons that will require a five paragraph essay to describe) and lost my cheesy self. I'll get rid of it eventually the next time I swoon that hard for a girl again.

 

[gaiages]

I don't know if y'all remember the story, but her ex came back, and she went out of her way and said she'd never be over him, so I ended it. feels bad man.

Sorry bro. You were dorky and it was cute but sometimes things just don't work out.

 

[amanset]

Did she say she's leaving the relationship, or are you just actively homewrecking?

Despite one of my workmates (a good friend of hers) pushing me to pursue it, I am doing the opposite as, well, I just don't want to be that guy. Ever.

And it sucks.

 

[Femto.]

Despite one of my workmates (a good friend of hers) pushing me to pursue it, I am doing the opposite as, well, I just don't want to be that guy. Ever.

And it sucks.

It shouldn't suck because that means you have good morals, take pride in that

 

[amanset]

It shouldn't suck because that means you have good morals, take pride in that

The feeling sucks, but you are right. Thanks

 

[ZackieChan]

Yes it is the girl I made a song for &#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;&#128557;

Fuck, I gotta delete it. That shit is just going to make me depressed.

Sorry to hear that, man.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Despite one of my workmates (a good friend of hers) pushing me to pursue it, I am doing the opposite as, well, I just don't want to be that guy. Ever.

And it sucks.

Why is it always the "good friends" of someone who encourage them to cheat?

SMH.

I think like 50% of my more serious relationships have been affected by that. Someone's girlfriend telling them to go and party and take someone home, that one "nice guy" friend actively trying to sabotage things, etc.

 

[Kotetsu534]

Asked out a co-worker today. Got turned down. Oh well, move on.

 

[mf.luder]

Asked out a co-worker today. Got turned down. Oh well, move on.

Be careful with dipping pen in company ink! Dodged a bullet.

 

[Ray Wonder]

I'll come clean, I still have poems I wrote for my ex gf who I was with for five years. I wrote most of that stuff in 2009-2010 and still have it. It's probably unhealthy to still hold on to that shit, but reason I kept it is to remind myself of the hopeless romantic that I am. For quite a while I became cold and insensitive in our relationship (for reasons that will require a five paragraph essay to describe) and lost my cheesy self. I'll get rid of it eventually the next time I swoon that hard for a girl again.

Yeah, I'll get rid of it for sure. I think it's unhealthy too.

Sorry bro. You were dorky and it was cute but sometimes things just don't work out.

Sorry to hear that, man.

Ayyyyy, i'm crying over here.

Thanks for the condolence. lol

 

[Noema]

I've gone out with 10 different girls from Tinder and the only one with whom I wanted a second date friendzoned me.

 

[LucidMomentum]

I've gone out with 10 different girls from Tinder and the only one with whom I wanted a second date friendzoned me.

Life is tough, but keep at it.

 

[ChouGoku]

I have a date in a few hours with a girl from tinder, I havent dated since last year, so definitely somewhat nervous

 

[Femto.]

So I had my date today and there was zero chemistry. She's a sweet girl and really intelligent, but I was just unreceptive for majority of the time after we arrived at a park.

At the end of it she told she enjoyed herself and liked how we did something simple. We said our goodbyes and that was it. I have never had this little chemistry with someone before, but it was bound to happen eventually. So my question is: What's the best thing to do here?

Go cold and just stop communication? Or do I reach out to her and tell her it was nice meeting her and that it isn't going to work out?

 

[ZackieChan]

So I had my date today and there was zero chemistry. She's a sweet girl and really intelligent, but I was just unreceptive for majority of the time after we arrived at a park.

At the end of it she told she enjoyed herself and liked how we did something simple. We said our goodbyes and that was it. I have never had this little chemistry with someone before, but it was bound to happen eventually. So my question is: What's the best thing to do here?

Go cold and just stop communication? Or do I reach out to her and tell her it was nice meeting her and that it isn't going to work out?

If there was really no chemistry, you will probably both just not contact each other again and that's about it.

 

[Jindrax]

ok I need to get off online dating.
The stakes are too low.. meet one date for a while, smallest thing I don't like leave, go online rinse and repeat.

I'd like to get back into dating the old fashion way. How do you go about doing this?
Not trolling serious question.
Ask friends to set me up?
Random pick ups in bars? don't know if that would be very effective.

 

[ZackieChan]

If one small thing turns you off from people you meet online, what makes you think you'll do well in person? They're just people either way.

 

[gaiages]

ok I need to get off online dating.
The stakes are too low.. meet one date for a while, smallest thing I don't like leave, go online rinse and repeat.

I'd like to get back into dating the old fashion way. How do you go about doing this?
Not trolling serious question.
Ask friends to set me up?
Random pick ups in bars? don't know if that would be very effective.

I think the "find a small flaw, and bail" is the bigger issue here. You cannot expect people to be perfect, and if you meet people irl first you're going to still be doing that.

It would probably be best to identify why you're doing this, and stopping it.

 

[Armadilo]

Ok so I got a match on tinder with this girl and she was the one that sent me a message first. We chatted and I asked her out. She said yes. But my last message was telling her if Sunday was good for her.

She hasn't replied or anything. Its been almost two days. If she doesn't want to bother and actually go out. Its ok. Need to keep looking

 

[Ray Wonder]

Ok so I got a match on tinder with this girl and she was the one that sent me a message first. We chatted and I asked her out. She said yes. But my last message was telling her if Sunday was good for her.

She hasn't replied or anything. Its been almost two days. If she doesn't want to bother and actually go out. Its ok. Need to keep looking

Super common on Tinder, I actually have done this to people.

 

[Bruce Springsteen]

Ok so I got a match on tinder with this girl and she was the one that sent me a message first. We chatted and I asked her out. She said yes. But my last message was telling her if Sunday was good for her.

She hasn't replied or anything. Its been almost two days. If she doesn't want to bother and actually go out. Its ok. Need to keep looking

It's tinder breh, she's talking with 50 guys at once

 

[fart town usa]

Officially dating the girl I met through Okcupid. We're great for each other. Her roommate is also dating a girl he met through OKcupid, some of you might wanna check that site out.

Best of luck everyone!

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Officially dating the girl I met through Okcupid. We're great for each other. Her roommate is also dating a girl he met through OKcupid, some of you might wanna check that site out.

Best of luck everyone!

It just isn't heavily used in my area. As I've said before, same few girls on a "high match percentage" for the last two years. I also find the questions way too limiting; it's like you know too much.

I matched with a girl and within an hour had got her number and floated a date possibility. I think my new policy is if they seem hesitant to meet up. to stop. Will float a date with this one ASAP.

 

[animax]

So my question is: What's the best thing to do here?

Go cold and just stop communication? Or do I reach out to her and tell her it was nice meeting her and that it isn't going to work out?

If there was really no chemistry, you will probably both just not contact each other again and that's about it.

Be an adult, don't ghost on someone. That's what a 13 year old would do! (I'm assuming you're older than that). Tell her you didn't feel the chemistry and you can both move on

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Be an adult, don't ghost on someone. That's what a 13 year old would do! (I'm assuming you're older than that). Tell her you didn't feel the chemistry and you can both move on

Alternatively, having a big dramatic "THIS ISN'T WORKING OUT" after a few dates can also be weird

 

[WolfeTone]

So I had my date today and there was zero chemistry. She's a sweet girl and really intelligent, but I was just unreceptive for majority of the time after we arrived at a park.

At the end of it she told she enjoyed herself and liked how we did something simple. We said our goodbyes and that was it. I have never had this little chemistry with someone before, but it was bound to happen eventually. So my question is: What's the best thing to do here?

Go cold and just stop communication? Or do I reach out to her and tell her it was nice meeting her and that it isn't going to work out?

If she doesn't message you then it's fine to go cold and do the same. It's mutual.

If she does message you, then send her a quick message saying: "It was really great meeting you but I don't think there's much of a connection there. Best of luck." Don't offer to be friends and don't go on a second date because you feel bad.

 

[bluethree]

If she doesn't message you then it's fine to go cold and do the same. It's mutual.

If she does message you, then send her a quick message saying: "It was really great meeting you but I don't think there's much of a connection there. Best of luck." Don't offer to be friends and don't go on a second date because you feel bad.

Yeah this. Mutual ghosting is fine, give her an explanation if she reaches out. Dont listen to the other poster, it doesnt have to be this dramatic thing.

 

[peanutbutterlatte]

Yeah this. Mutual ghosting is fine, give her an explanation if she reaches out. Dont listen to the other poster, it doesnt have to be this dramatic thing.

Yeah this is what I meant, if it just naturally fizzles out then clearly neither of you were that bothered and you can chill. Happened to me very recently actually, the girl was great and we got on, there just wasn't a palpable "spark".

 

[bluethree]

Ah yeah okay. Gotcha. Yeah contacting her about it without prompting would be weird.

 

[Booser]

I've gone out with 10 different girls from Tinder and the only one with whom I wanted a second date friendzoned me

lol, yeah same here.

So I took GAF's advice and contacted ghost girl again. She replied all friendly and chatty, but when I said I'd like to see her again and take her out to dinner she continued to chat and blatantly ignored that part.

Strange thing is she continues to text. I get the impression she is is just "too nice" and doesn't really know how to reject someone properly.

 

[gaiages]

Officially dating the girl I met through Okcupid. We're great for each other. Her roommate is also dating a girl he met through OKcupid, some of you might wanna check that site out.

Best of luck everyone!

Congrats!

 

[Femto.]

If there was really no chemistry, you will probably both just not contact each other again and that's about it.

If she doesn't message you then it's fine to go cold and do the same. It's mutual.

If she does message you, then send her a quick message saying: "It was really great meeting you but I don't think there's much of a connection there. Best of luck." Don't offer to be friends and don't go on a second date because you feel bad.

Thanks guys, I would never go on a second date because I feel bad. I personally wouldn't want that being done to me, it's shitty.

Be an adult, don't ghost on someone. That's what a 13 year old would do! (I'm assuming you're older than that). Tell her you didn't feel the chemistry and you can both move on

A decade older in fact lol

We haven't communicated since so I'm assuming that the feeling is mutual. I'll let her down softly if she makes contact.

 

[Clay Davis]

Hi dating gaf, how's everyone this evening?

This is a vent, so I hope everyone doesn't mind.

I just got done with a date and it started well enough, we met after talking on the phone earlier in the day and we both breathed a sign of relief that we looked like our profile pics and had a little laugh about it. We went for coffee and started to talk, things were going well until she brought up the subject of people she's dated. I sat and listened to nearly 20 minutes of horror stories, men who had groped her, made inappropriate comments and one even tried to slip something into her drink.

After she finished she asked me and I was honest about things, she seemed okay about everything but after we left and started to head towards the second part of our date she launched into a huge rant about how men aren't willing to date women their own age and always want to date younger women and she attacked me directly saying that I must be immature to have dated someone who was five years younger than me and for mostly having younger dates and relationships. It soured the whole experience, I felt like I was being chastised by her and she wouldn't stop. Eventually we reached our destination and things settled down, we started to have fun but her rant stuck with me and while I did have fun for the rest of the date I didn't appreciate the dressing down she gave me and I feel her being judgemental without knowing anything significant about me is a red flag about the type of person she is.

Am I reading too much into her behaviour or am I right to see the red flag and not contact her again? I didn't send her a message after the date, but as we said goodbye, we hugged and she said she had a good time and we should skype over the weekend to arrange something next week.

Would it be wrong if I didn't respond to her messages or should I see her rant as her venting and not a sign of a deeper issue?

She's the oldest women I've ever dated, she's 34 to my 31, so I don't know if her age is the problem here and she's feeling frustrated or something? I apologise if that's judgemental or anything, I'm trying to rationalise her behaviour.

 

[Makonero]

Hi dating gaf, how's everyone this evening?

This is a vent, so I hope everyone doesn't mind.

I just got done with a date and it started well enough, we met after talking on the phone earlier in the day and we both breathed a sign of relief that we looked like our profile pics and had a little laugh about it. We went for coffee and started to talk, things were going well until she brought up the subject of people she's dated. I sat and listened to nearly 20 minutes of horror stories, men who had groped her, made inappropriate comments and one even tried to slip something into her drink.

After she finished she asked me and I was honest about things, she seemed okay about everything but after we left and started to head towards the second part of our date she launched into a huge rant about how men aren't willing to date women their own age and always want to date younger women and she attacked me directly saying that I must be immature to have dated someone who was five years younger than me and for mostly having younger dates and relationships. It soured the whole experience, I felt like I was being chastised by her and she wouldn't stop. Eventually we reached our destination and things settled down, we started to have fun but her rant stuck with me and while I did have fun for the rest of the date I didn't appreciate the dressing down she gave me and I feel her being judgemental without knowing anything significant about me is a red flag about the type of person she is.

Am I reading too much into her behaviour or am I right to see the red flag and not contact her again? I didn't send her a message after the date, but as we said goodbye, we hugged and she said she had a good time and we should skype over the weekend to arrange something next week.

Would it be wrong if I didn't respond to her messages or should I see her rant as her venting and not a sign of a deeper issue?

She's the oldest women I've ever dated, she's 34 to my 31, so I don't know if her age is the problem here and she's feeling frustrated or something? I apologise if that's judgemental or anything, I'm trying to rationalise her behaviour.

No that's a pretty big red flag to me. First dates are "getting to know you" and "putting your best foot forward." She comes across as someone pretty negative, and for a first impression that's pretty awful. She doesn't know you or your situation and she's already judged you for dating younger women, even though she's currently on a date with a younger man.

I wouldn't date her again, but that's me. If you do continue, take it slow and see if that negativity continues.

 

[GK86]

Yeah, I wouldn't contact her/go out with her again.

 

[gaiages]

Yeesh that woman is a huge red flag.

 

[WolfeTone]

lol, yeah same here.

So I took GAF's advice and contacted ghost girl again. She replied all friendly and chatty, but when I said I'd like to see her again and take her out to dinner she continued to chat and blatantly ignored that part.

Strange thing is she continues to text. I get the impression she is is just "too nice" and doesn't really know how to reject someone properly.

Either she's too nice or she just likes the attention of having someone talk to her.

Out of interest, what were your exact words when you asked her out again via message?

 

[FLAguy954]

Yeah this. Mutual ghosting is fine, give her an explanation if she reaches out. Dont listen to the other poster, it doesnt have to be this dramatic thing.

I agree. This is how I would approach the situation too.

 

[Booser]

Either she's too nice or she just likes the attention of having someone talk to her.

Out of interest, what were your exact words when you asked her out again via message?

She is off to Berlin for a friends birthday so I said I wanted to hear all about it when she got back, I'd love to see her again, and that we could go for dinner if she was available.

She responded by telling me how funny I was (its true. I'm a hoot) and wishing me luck with my work stuff I was talking about. Ouch.

Hi dating gaf, how's everyone this evening?

This is a vent, so I hope everyone doesn't mind.

I just got done with a date and it started well enough, we met after talking on the phone earlier in the day and we both breathed a sign of relief that we looked like our profile pics and had a little laugh about it. We went for coffee and started to talk, things were going well until she brought up the subject of people she's dated. I sat and listened to nearly 20 minutes of horror stories, men who had groped her, made inappropriate comments and one even tried to slip something into her drink.

After she finished she asked me and I was honest about things, she seemed okay about everything but after we left and started to head towards the second part of our date she launched into a huge rant about how men aren't willing to date women their own age and always want to date younger women and she attacked me directly saying that I must be immature to have dated someone who was five years younger than me and for mostly having younger dates and relationships. It soured the whole experience, I felt like I was being chastised by her and she wouldn't stop. Eventually we reached our destination and things settled down, we started to have fun but her rant stuck with me and while I did have fun for the rest of the date I didn't appreciate the dressing down she gave me and I feel her being judgemental without knowing anything significant about me is a red flag about the type of person she is.

Am I reading too much into her behaviour or am I right to see the red flag and not contact her again? I didn't send her a message after the date, but as we said goodbye, we hugged and she said she had a good time and we should skype over the weekend to arrange something next week.

Would it be wrong if I didn't respond to her messages or should I see her rant as her venting and not a sign of a deeper issue?

She's the oldest women I've ever dated, she's 34 to my 31, so I don't know if her age is the problem here and she's feeling frustrated or something? I apologise if that's judgemental or anything, I'm trying to rationalise her behaviour.

People usually dont chill out after getting to know you in my experience. Small issues just get bigger when they become more comfortable opening up to you. If she is ranting at you on a first date that's gonna set the tone for the rest. If you see a spark in her that's worth the effort then by all means go for it. But it will be just that - effort.

 

[WolfeTone]

She is off to Berlin for a friends birthday so I said I wanted to hear all about it when she got back, I'd love to see her again, and that we could go for dinner if she was available.

She responded by telling me how funny I was (its true. I'm a hoot) and wishing me luck with my work stuff I was talking about. Ouch.

This is kind of a pet issue of mine, but in my opinion, you didn't ask her out. You should try being more direct. If I were you I would have said: "Let's meet for dinner at Local Italian Restaurant at 7pm the Wednesday after you get back."

The timing of her trip complicates things so you could have just asked her when she got back.

I feel like a lot of people ask other people out 'in theory', so they'll say stuff like "Wanna go out for drinks sometime?" To me, that's not asking someone out. Asking someone out is "Want to go for drinks on Friday at 9pm at Local Bar?".

 

[bluethree]

Being more specific is definitely better! I've been in situations where I was vague and thought the girl was blowing me off but really wasn't.

 

[Femto.]

Thanks for the additional replies/comments.

I had no idea that ghosting is really common.

It sucked when it has happened to me, but now being on the other side of it. I get why people do it now.