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[Salamando]

This girl is an enigma to me.

Little background: We've hung out a couple time, got dinner one time (she got embarrassed when the waitress didn't split the check, second time, I ran a favor with her to get her hedgehog some food and then we grabbed lunch and I dropped her off.)

For the past few months though, she's been messaging me constantly to complain about something or even just some random thought on her mind or sometimes she sends me selfies and yeah, she's sorta cute but there's like no substance to some of her messaging. Like at times I'm bored to tears with our back and forth but I don't have the balls to tell her that she comes off as boring to me sometimes.

The messaging is on a weekly basis. Some conversations go places, sometimes it just goes nowhere but then she'll double message me.

So today, I had the day off, so I figured what the heck, I'll ask her if she wants to hang out, so I did on Sunday and she said we'll see and then this afternoon, she messaged me "sorry, slept all day".

Anyways, maybe I'm clueless but I can't tell if she likes me or if she's just looking for friendship or I'm missing blatant hints but idk what to do with this girl. Currently I'm just letting it lie where it is. An enigma.

Side note: I'm not really trying to date right now, there is some concern by my friends but I just got a promotion and I've been focused on fine tuning my new position and haven't really bothered to get back on the dating scene. 2016 was a weird year for me with hooking up with a divorcee cougar, trying to dating different types of women and ultimately failing and then just deciding to be content with being single.

Enigma nothing. The number one sign a girl is interested is time. She likes spending it with you, and looks forward to it. As nice as hair touching and leg squeezing are (typical signs of interest, which don't even appear to be here...), they're nothing without time spent together. Take the hint.

I appreciate the resume review gesture! I'm a Network Administrator for two public schools. The IT Director is supposed to retire next summer, which would make me a fantastic/logical replacement. However, the way the Director's been talking, it all seems up in the air. I think this summer would be a perfect time to reevaluate the moving idea. For now, though, it has to be tabled.

Point blank, are you happy where you are? As nice as that promotion sounds, you'll become more entrenched in the town because of it.

 

[Incendiary]

Only thing I'll even slightly disagree with is the assumption that a divorce = baggage. My fiancee and I both were married once (to be fair, neither of us had children) and the lessons learned made this second time a hell of a lot stronger. Learning from your mistakes is a gift and those experiences only become baggage if you let them.

I totally didn't mean to imply that divorce = baggage. I was just using my own personal example of a date where the ex-husband clearly WAS baggage. It was clear to me on the first date that she was still bitter and going through monetary issues (not being able to pay her student loans due to the divorce, her ex-husband selling their old house without talking to her first and getting a bad deal on it, etc.) and I wasn't in a place to be able to deal with those sort of things myself.

Not all exes are baggage, and sometimes the baggage isn't related to an ex at all. My bad if it came across like that!

 

[Blitzrules240]

She's not into you, she's just using you for attention and an ego massage when she wants it. Shes keeping you just at arms length so you keep giving her attention but not enough so that you realise shes not into you. The selfies dont mean shit, just an easy way for her to get a compliment. Shes probably sending those same selfies to other guys.

Move on, find a girl thats actually interested in you. Stop giving this girl attention and she'll find another guy she can use for that.

I'm really curious if she is talking to other guys. I'm like "I can't be the only guy she's messaging". She's a very friendly person, she posts on other people's stuff all the time and she's like all over the place on social media...I don't get it.

Sounds like you both regard each other as someone to talk to when you're bored.

Ehhh that's a stretch. I'll chat back when I feel like it but most of the time, her messages leave me feeling "meh".

Enigma nothing. The number one sign a girl is interested is time. She likes spending it with you, and looks forward to it. As nice as hair touching and leg squeezing are (typical signs of interest, which don't even appear to be here...), they're nothing without time spent together. Take the hint.

Well I tried with the hanging out initiative but she differed. Sure, she could have possibly slept all day but she would have at least gave me a heads up.

I feel like I'm wasting your guys time though because I'm fairly uninterested but wondering if she's into me or just using me as a crutch like dreamcastmaster said.

She messaged me "I'm so bored" earlier and I didn't say anything. But I guarantee she'll send another message by the end of the night or tomorrow.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Ehhh that's a stretch. I'll chat back when I feel like it but most of the time, her messages leave me feeling "meh".

Well I tried with the hanging out initiative but she differed. Sure, she could have possibly slept all day but she would have at least gave me a heads up.

I feel like I'm wasting your guys time though because I'm fairly uninterested but wondering if she's into me or just using me as a crutch like dreamcastmaster said.

She messaged me "I'm so bored" earlier and I didn't say anything. But I guarantee she'll send another message by the end of the night or tomorrow.

She sounds like a real catch.

Actually, it's problematic that your interest level in her depends on whether or not she's interested in you.

Spoiler

Please focus your energy on someone worth it.

 

[Llyranor]

If you're uninterested, why are you trying to analyze her?

 

[Lulubop]

Move on

 

[GK86]

If you're uninterested, why are you trying to analyze her?

 

[Ron Mexico]

I totally didn't mean to imply that divorce = baggage. I was just using my own personal example of a date where the ex-husband clearly WAS baggage. It was clear to me on the first date that she was still bitter and going through monetary issues (not being able to pay her student loans due to the divorce, her ex-husband selling their old house without talking to her first and getting a bad deal on it, etc.) and I wasn't in a place to be able to deal with those sort of things myself.

Not all exes are baggage, and sometimes the baggage isn't related to an ex at all. My bad if it came across like that!

No worries at all. Not even necessarily directed at you per se. Just speaking from experience as a guy who basically hit the reset button on life in my 30s and realized not only was it no so bad, it was actually for the best (and not in that fucking patronizing way).

The other reason I made mention of it is there are lots of people who read this thread and think that having an ex means instant baggage. Hell, I was that guy too until I put myself out there and took the chance. Best decision I ever made in my personal life.

 

[Blitzrules240]

If you're uninterested, why are you trying to analyze her?

Honestly, I think I'm just puzzled and wondering what her deal is.

She sounds like a real catch.

Actually, it's problematic that your interest level in her depends on whether or not she's interested in you.

Spoiler

Please focus your energy on someone worth it.

Well said Advocatus, It's kinda like does she like me or nah? Because I kinda like her but I'm psyching myself out over nothing. I just feel like our personalities don't mesh based on the convos.

Move on

This is the most likely scenario. The messaging will continue though. I don't want to unfriend her because that will cause a shitstorm...but maybe I should unfollow her? That's what I did with the last girl things with south with.

I feel like my conversation skills with women are still a work in progress. I had a really awkward coffee get together with a girl and it bombed hard. I mean it was just conversation but we really didn't mesh.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

She messaged me "I'm so bored"

Wellthereitis.gif

She just wants you to give her attention and as you did not reply and she did not ask if you are ignoring her. Im pretty sure she sent that message to a lot of men and someones giving her attention now. She'll message you again when shes bored of that conversation.

Move on.

 

[Blitzrules240]

Wellthereitis.gif

She just wants you to give her attention and as you did not reply and she did not ask if you are ignoring her. Im pretty sure she sent that message to a lot of men and someones giving her attention now. She'll message you again when shes bored of that conversation.

Move on.

Why does this keep happening to me...

Am I safe?
Am I too safe?
Am I easy to talk to?
Do women just use me to get their emotions out of the way, then go fuck some other guy that's not me?

I don't fucking get it DatingGaf.

I know it seems like I'm upset that she's using me but I wasn't even that interested but that fact this shit keeps happening to me is getting annoying. I just want a girl who's into me for me or not using me as a crutch or some guy to talk to who's nice and then go get with some other guy.

 

[Lulubop]

She bores you to tears, I don't get the investment. Wishy washy about hanging. Just disappear homie.

 

[Blitzrules240]

You know...

When I think about it, I haven't really felt a true connection to a girl in a long time. I mean there are things that get me interested in a girl (similar taste in things, similar sense of humor, etc) but sometimes I like a girl because she has like one thing in common with me which is absolutely stupid. Sure, it's a good starting point but there has to be more to it.

I went on a date with a girl because we both liked Arrested Development and then she flaked out on any other attempt I tried to go out/hang out.

Hooking up with the cougar was just to get me out of my dry spell but I wasn't really attracted to her, so I called it off after two sessions. I know why give up a hook up buddy but I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I then tried to date other girls and they all got scared off or flaked out (I posted about this more in OT1 but it's been awhile since I've visited this thread)

Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for the advice. I appreciate the various opinions. Guess it's back to square one as they say.

I guess I'm just going to stick till singledom till someone really catches my eye. And there has to be more to it than "We like the same TV show and she likes dry humor".

 

[gaiages]

Why does this keep happening to me...

Am I safe?
Am I too safe?
Am I easy to talk to?
Do women just use me to get their emotions out of the way, then go fuck some other guy that's not me?

I don't fucking get it DatingGaf.

I know it seems like I'm upset that she's using me but I wasn't even that interested but that fact this shit keeps happening to me is getting annoying. I just want a girl who's into me for me or not using me as a crutch or some guy to talk to who's nice and then go get with some other guy.

But you just said you weren't interested in persuing dating...

If you're sending mixed messages the way you're telling us about it here, that's probably going to send the message to women that you're not interested in dating them.

Also the bitterness coming through now shows that you did care and were interested. Don't lie to yourself.

EDIT: Ah, Arrested Development, the true sign of intelligence, how on earth does that show keep coming up in this thread?

 

[Salamando]

You know...

When I think about it, I haven't really felt a true connection to a girl in a long time. I mean there are things that get me interested in a girl (similar taste in things, similar sense of humor, etc) but sometimes I like a girl because she has like one thing in common with me which is absolutely stupid. Sure, it's a good starting point but there has to be more to it.

I went on a date with a girl because we both liked Arrested Development and then she flaked out on any other attempt I tried to go out/hang out.

Hooking up with the cougar was just to get me out of my dry spell but I wasn't really attracted to her, so I called it off after two sessions. I know why give up a hook up buddy but I just wasn't feeling it anymore. I then tried to date other girls and they all got scared off or flaked out (I posted about this more in OT1 but it's been awhile since I've visited this thread)

Anyways, I just wanted to say thanks for the advice. I appreciate the various opinions. Guess it's back to square one as they say.

I guess I'm just going to stick till singledom till someone really catches my eye. And there has to be more to it than "We like the same TV show and she likes dry humor".

How many girls have you dated or hooked up with in 2016?

Favorite movies or tv shows mean shit. Activities aren't even a guarantee of chemistry. The only way to test for a spark is to go on dates. If it sounds like there's a lot of trial and error here, it's because there is.

 

[Messofanego]

Nah, if a girl says she doesn't like Edgar Wright, I'd punt her dog.

 

[Blitzrules240]

But you just said you weren't interested in pursuing dating...

If you're sending mixed messages the way you're telling us about it here, that's probably going to send the message to women that you're not interested in dating them.

Also the bitterness coming through now shows that you did care and were interested. Don't lie to yourself.

EDIT: Ah, Arrested Development, the true sign of intelligence, how on earth does that show keep coming up in this thread?

I mean it's kinda like that whole "I'm not looking for a relationship"...unless it's with you ordeal. If the right girl comes along, I'm totally on board but since I haven't found that yet, I've kinda been mellow on dating. I'm also focused on my job and haven't jumped on Tinder or anything and go through trial and error with that.

and AD is one of the greatest comedies of all time, A girl has my respect if she loves that show as much as I did.

How many girls have you dated or hooked up with in 2016?

Favorite movies or tv shows mean shit. Activities aren't even a guarantee of chemistry. The only way to test for a spark is to go on dates. If it sounds like there's a lot of trial and error here, it's because there is.

I'm trying to think through the entire year and I hooked up with the cougar and she was the only one I hooked up with but I had my occasional make out session here and there but dating wise, I dated/hung out with 4 different girls. And I know there is a lot of trial and error, I'm well aware. I just need to start looking at who I want to date differently.

idk I'm just opening up on here to get some feedback and I've been getting a lot and I appreciate that.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

I just need to start looking at who I want to date differently.

idk I'm just opening up on here to get some feedback and I've been getting a lot and I appreciate that.

Its the women who decide that they want to date YOU, not the other way around. Work on making yourself more appealing amd dont waste time with women you are not into as thats just feeding your negativity towards relationships.

 

[Blitzrules240]

Its the women who decide that they want to date YOU, not the other way around. Work on making yourself more appealing amd dont waste time with women you are not into as thats just feeding your negativity towards relationships.

Damn, you've been a big help tonight, dreamcastmaster.

Thanks.

I should probably start going to the gym or find a hobby besides video games...

 

[ZackieChan]

Damn, you've been a big help tonight, dreamcastmaster.

Thanks.

I should probably start going to the gym or find a hobby besides video games...

Yep, that's a good place to start. At least you don't have an anime avatar, so you're one step ahead of the game!

I'll second the thought above that, if all these girls are using you for emotional needs then going and dating/having sex with others, you're not presenting yourself as a sexually attractive person. Whether it's lack of confidence, lack of presenting yourself as a man/sexual being, or whatever - you're lacking something important. You need to develop some idgaf swinging dick swagger.

 

[direct_quote]

But you just said you weren't interested in persuing dating...

If you're sending mixed messages the way you're telling us about it here, that's probably going to send the message to women that you're not interested in dating them.

Also the bitterness coming through now shows that you did care and were interested. Don't lie to yourself.

EDIT: Ah, Arrested Development, the true sign of intelligence, how on earth does that show keep coming up in this thread?

This is what I sort of did with the current girl i went out on 4 dates or so with. I was super hesitant and she picked up on it and hasn't responded. Probably for the best because I think I just didn't want to be alone so I kept going on dates...

 

[Blitzrules240]

Yep, that's a good place to start. At least you don't have an anime avatar, so you're one step ahead of the game!

I'll second the thought above that, if all these girls are using you for emotional needs then going and dating/having sex with others, you're not presenting yourself as a sexually attractive person. Whether it's lack of confidence, lack of presenting yourself as a man/sexual being, or whatever - you're lacking something important. You need to develop some idgaf swinging dick swagger.

Good to see ya, ZackieChan.

Thanks for the advice as always.

 

[timetokill]

Ah, Arrested Development, the true sign of intelligence, how on earth does that show keep coming up in this thread?

I'm a prophet

 

[Afrocious]

you leave us anime/game character avatar users alone

edit: im just joking. this is a selfie

 

[Gotdatmoney]

you leave us anime/game character avatar users alone

edit: im just joking. this is a selfie

As long as you keep dating more straight forward than KH you will be fine

Spoiler

Much more straight forward, assuming that is KH

 

[Afrocious]

As long as you keep dating more straight forward than KH you will be fine

Spoiler

Much more straight forward, assuming that is KH

eh i guess. right now im wondering whats the point of dating. so i guess that's similar to kh

 

[ZackieChan]

you leave us anime/game character avatar users alone

edit: im just joking. this is a selfie

I could tell by the sleeves

 

[Xun]

I want to say you're overreacting but it's hard to tell. She just might have not been into the date but didn't want to let you down/wanted to see you so again, hard to tell.

Send the message, the worst that can happen is she replies and says it's not working out. At least that'll give you some closure and you take a few days to gather yourself and get back out there.

Again, I do think you're overreacting and reading too much into things, but hard to tell.

I don't understand this feeling. Until you go to the museum and interact with her how will you know if anything is actually wrong?

I really like this girl so things are bumming me out, as well as the thought of potentially getting mono over Christmas...

I mean, there is literally nothing to be bummed about yet though so . . .

And girl with mono will not get mad if you avoid kissing and shit.



Uh that's fine I suppose.

My anxiety is at play here, so chances are I am probably overreacting a bit.

It's just with how 2016 has been going though in general, it honestly wouldn't surprise me it ending this way.

I meet the first girl I've actually fallen for in a dating sense, and it could potentially end with the added bonus of maybe getting mono as well.

I'll just have to try and remain positive though.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I'm really curious if she is talking to other guys. I'm like "I can't be the only guy she's messaging". She's a very friendly person, she posts on other people's stuff all the time and she's like all over the place on social media...I don't get it.



Ehhh that's a stretch. I'll chat back when I feel like it but most of the time, her messages leave me feeling "meh".



Well I tried with the hanging out initiative but she differed. Sure, she could have possibly slept all day but she would have at least gave me a heads up.

I feel like I'm wasting your guys time though because I'm fairly uninterested but wondering if she's into me or just using me as a crutch like dreamcastmaster said.

She messaged me "I'm so bored" earlier and I didn't say anything. But I guarantee she'll send another message by the end of the night or tomorrow.

Claims to be uninterested but you're asking advice about what do to. You need to stop lying to yourself because if you were genuinely uninterested, this wouldn't even be a question and you wouldn't be thinking about it so much.

As to your problems, I'm guessing all you do is act like a emotional baggage handler for her. She's bored because the others guys she's with aren't getting back to here so he messages the one guy she knows will probably answer back because of how invested he is. You're her back up plan to entertain her, she messages, you dance. You've established this behaviour, it doesn't just happen.

Think about what exactly you're doing and how you're carrying yourself. because you're doing something to give off these vibes. I don't know what exactly, I suspect it might be a lack of agency or confidence in your actions as well sending mixed messages which I think comes back to a lack of confidence to make her aware of how you feel in case she doesn't feel the same way.

So basically a puppet who dances for her when she's bored. You can't change this impression of yourself...I'd advise cutting all ties or at least accept that it'll never be more than what it is right now and continue to play along.

 

[ZackieChan]

I stopped talking to a handful of girls this past week when it became clear they didn't want to meet up IRL. Or I'm leaving it up to them to make a plan. Got no time for that nonsense.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I stopped talking to a handful of girls this past week when it became clear they didn't want to meet up IRL. Or I'm leaving it up to them to make a plan. Got no time for that nonsense.

This. This right here is how you handle shit. Take note people.

You ask someone out (maybe twice at a push if you feel the excuse given the first time is valid), if it's excuses both time you cut that shit off and move the fuck on, you don't hang around and become someone they can vent their day to, you're not their fucking therapist and they won't suddenly realise how amazing you are because you stuck around.

No, you'll become a pathetic, no hoper to them. You'll be seen as someone who is a loser and unable to find anyone else that you're hanging onto them and any shred of attention they give you.

Basically, don't become the guy who spent months being a 'relationship' with a phone.

 

[Weckum]

I've got a curveball for you guys. Not as much a 'dating' thing as more a 'hooking up' thing I guess? It spans a total of five countries, so pay attention.

Person I met at work (country A), isn't here anymore, she's studying abroad now (country B), away from her home country (country C). We've kept in touch since she left, our talks got more flirty.

Two months ago or so she's like 'come visit me in country B!'. Since I'm going home at the end of the month as well (country D) and B and D are pretty close, I was like 'cool, I'll come visit.' Now, it turns out our schedules aren't ideal to meet up in country B, which prompts her to say 'well, I'm going home to country C, come visit me there!'. I've always wanted to visit country C so I'm look 'sure, that sounds awesome' and I book a flight (hooray for cheap flights). Meanwhile our talks are still super flirty, sexual tension, talks about getting crazy drunk together, skinny dipping etc etc.

Now, this week we're looking at airbnb's which we'll be sharing, and at some point she mentions she's going to country E after my visit. I ask her why she's going to country E, and then she says: 'I'm gonna meet my sort of boyfriend for a couple of days'. At this point I go 'wait, wut?'.

It just came out of nowhere after all these talks. She invited me more than once and mostly started the flirty talks, and sharing an airbnb after these talks kind of implies certain things, or am I just crazy?

In the end, I don't really mind too much what happens when I visit because it's a good opportunity to see a fun person and visit a country/city I've always wanted to visit, but I just wanted to get your thoughts on this whole thing because it still seems weird te me.

 

[Xiao Hu]

I've got a curveball for you guys. Not as much a 'dating' thing as more a 'hooking up' thing I guess? It spans a total of five countries, so pay attention.

Person I met at work (country A), isn't here anymore, she's studying abroad now (country B), away from her home country (country C). We've kept in touch since she left, our talks got more flirty.

Two months ago or so she's like 'come visit me in country B!'. Since I'm going home at the end of the month as well (country D) and B and D are pretty close, I was like 'cool, I'll come visit.' Now, it turns out our schedules aren't ideal to meet up in country B, which prompts her to say 'well, I'm going home to country C, come visit me there!'. I've always wanted to visit country C so I'm look 'sure, that sounds awesome' and I book a flight (hooray for cheap flights). Meanwhile our talks are still super flirty, sexual tension, talks about getting crazy drunk together, skinny dipping etc etc.

Now, this week we're looking at airbnb's which we'll be sharing, and at some point she mentions she's going to country E after my visit. I ask her why she's going to country E, and then she says: 'I'm gonna meet my sort of boyfriend for a couple of days'. At this point I go 'wait, wut?'.

It just came out of nowhere after all these talks. She invited me more than once and mostly started the flirty talks, and sharing an airbnb after these talks kind of implies certain things, or am I just crazy?

In the end, I don't really mind too much what happens when I visit because it's a good opportunity to see a fun person and visit a country/city I've always wanted to visit, but I just wanted to get your thoughts on this whole thing because it still seems weird te me.

Congrats!

 

[dreamcastmaster]

I stopped talking to a handful of girls this past week when it became clear they didn't want to meet up IRL. Or I'm leaving it up to them to make a plan. Got no time for that nonsense.

I learned 2 strikes and they're out quite quickly too. Met a few women that would message you while they were at work or home alone but as soon as it was the weekend they already had plans and would ignore you until Monday morning.

I'd ask twice and if both were no then they would just be deleted. I also would not get invested with just one woman, they were only potentials not THE ONE.

 

[ZackieChan]

I give them two shots. Sometimes 3 if they are really attractive 😏

I've got a curveball for you guys. Not as much a 'dating' thing as more a 'hooking up' thing I guess? It spans a total of five countries, so pay attention.

Person I met at work (country A), isn't here anymore, she's studying abroad now (country B), away from her home country (country C). We've kept in touch since she left, our talks got more flirty.

Two months ago or so she's like 'come visit me in country B!'. Since I'm going home at the end of the month as well (country D) and B and D are pretty close, I was like 'cool, I'll come visit.' Now, it turns out our schedules aren't ideal to meet up in country B, which prompts her to say 'well, I'm going home to country C, come visit me there!'. I've always wanted to visit country C so I'm look 'sure, that sounds awesome' and I book a flight (hooray for cheap flights). Meanwhile our talks are still super flirty, sexual tension, talks about getting crazy drunk together, skinny dipping etc etc.

Now, this week we're looking at airbnb's which we'll be sharing, and at some point she mentions she's going to country E after my visit. I ask her why she's going to country E, and then she says: 'I'm gonna meet my sort of boyfriend for a couple of days'. At this point I go 'wait, wut?'.

It just came out of nowhere after all these talks. She invited me more than once and mostly started the flirty talks, and sharing an airbnb after these talks kind of implies certain things, or am I just crazy?

In the end, I don't really mind too much what happens when I visit because it's a good opportunity to see a fun person and visit a country/city I've always wanted to visit, but I just wanted to get your thoughts on this whole thing because it still seems weird te me.

I skimmed that, but it sounds like you're spending a lot of money to possibly have sex? Expect nothing, have a good time either way.

Are you either Breckin Meyer or this guy, BTW?

 

[Miles Quaritch]

That doesn't seme like it's going to end how you want it to. The mentioning of the sort of boyfriend seems like a calculated move, but who knows, as mentioned, don't expect anything. If it doesn't go anywhere, you're in a new country, go out exploring, etc.

 

[Weckum]

That doesn't seme like it's going to end how you want it to. The mentioning of the sort of boyfriend seems like a calculated move, but who knows, as mentioned, don't expect anything. If it doesn't go anywhere, you're in a new country, go out exploring, etc.

Yeah, exactly my attitude.

Not expecting anything and like I said it's a great excuse to visit a country I've always wanted to visit and now I'll get a tour by a local. If sex is included, that's awesome, if not I'm still gonna spend a weekend in a presumably really cool city that I wouldn't visit soon otherwise, so I'm good either way.

 

[bluethree]

2, 3, whatever, the point is you choose some reasonable boundary and stick to it.

(not that I havent screwed up and tried again when I shouldnt have. Nope, not at all)

 

[ZackieChan]

2, 3, whatever, the point is you choose some reasonable boundary and stick to it.

(not that I havent screwed up and tried again when I shouldnt have. Nope, not at all)

I do it all the time. But at least I know it's wrong and don't get sad about it.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

2, 3, whatever, the point is you choose some reasonable boundary and stick to it.

(not that I havent screwed up and tried again when I shouldnt have. Nope, not at all)

It avoids the overinvestment and friend zone trap that many gaffers fall into.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

It avoids the overinvestment and friend zone trap that many gaffers fall into.

The over investment seems to come from texting too much. If you're doing all your talking via message, things can become more intimate/deeper much faster, so the level of investment goes up too because you feel you're connecting with someone.

It also means you have less reason to meet up too because you're doing all the talking via message.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

It also means you have less reason to meet up too because you're doing all the talking via message.

That's the downside, what the fuck do you have to talk about when you eventually meet? That's why it's best to get the 1st meeting scheduled quickly to avoid that and start building real experiences and memories.

 

[artsi]

Girl wants to cook for me again tomorrow.

She's reeling me in reaaaal good.

Things are going pretty well overall. She likes me and I feel the same, so full steam ahead.
I haven't launched Tinder in two weeks now, hopefully I can also delete it soon.

 

[Jokab]

Sat next to a very good-looking guy friend of mine at a dinner last week. He fired up Tinder towards the end of the night and started swiping. He hadn't done it for a while (because he has his hands full with his other matches) so I think Tinder put the most attractive people at the top. Anyway I would have swiped right on 95% of those girls, but his standards were obviously higher so he only swiped right on the 9s and 10s (I don't like this categorization with points but it gets the point across) and seriously got 30 matches in a row on his right swipes. Each time I said "no way you're matching with her, she's too hot" he of course got a match. Four of the girls wrote him "hey " or similar within the swiping round.

He wears sunglasses on all his four pics, and the second one partially shows his topless upper body. All of them are selfies.

Perks of being good-looking huh.

 

[Tsukumo]

This girl is an enigma to me.

Little background: We've hung out a couple time, got dinner one time (she got embarrassed when the waitress didn't split the check, second time, I ran a favor with her to get her hedgehog some food and then we grabbed lunch and I dropped her off.)

You sure she was embarrassed by that?

For the past few months though, she's been messaging me constantly to complain about something or even just some random thought on her mind or sometimes she sends me selfies and yeah, she's sorta cute but there's like no substance to some of her messaging. Like at times I'm bored to tears with our back and forth but I don't have the balls to tell her that she comes off as boring to me sometimes.

You are pretty much just a friend now. Only way to revert this is to come out and say you are bored by the recent "quality" of your conversations.
Tell her your conversations have become dry and stale. Tell her that you feel that the electricity from your first dates with her is gone, that at first you were always fascinated by how there was always something surprising you would find about her during the times spent together, and that you have never met someone who was so difficult to figure out. Tell her now you feel like there isn't much left for the two you, that you want to take a break and to focus your energies on work and family. So she shouldn't take it personally if you won't answering her calls/ messages.
Whatever she answers NO MATTER WHAT SHE ANSWERS, only an emoji, a line of text, any complaint about you being unfair to her, repeated calls (she does this, that's THE best sign) you don't pick up.
If she sends you another message you reply and keep things going, then fix a date as soon as possible. Just make a move, any move, next time you are with her.
If she starts to call you repeatedly the same day, just listen to what she has to say, acknowledge it, DO NOT JUSTIFY YOUR BEHAVIOUR under any circumstance, and then fire up immediately another date. She gives vague answers (maybe, yeah we should see each other soon) or pushes the date forward, just give a disappointed "oh... ok" and don't call her back. If she "wakes up" when you give up on her but keeps herself at arms length still, just drop her: she is not interested in you she is just interested in the drama.

The messaging is on a weekly basis. Some conversations go places, sometimes it just goes nowhere but then she'll double message me.

So today, I had the day off, so I figured what the heck, I'll ask her if she wants to hang out, so I did on Sunday and she said we'll see and then this afternoon, she messaged me "sorry, slept all day".

Yeah..., no... "slept all day". Mehehe.

Anyways, maybe I'm clueless but I can't tell if she likes me or if she's just looking for friendship or I'm missing blatant hints but idk what to do with this girl. Currently I'm just letting it lie where it is. An enigma.

Side note: I'm not really trying to date right now,

You are giving mixed signals and you are getting mixed signals back. What did you expect?

there is some concern by my friends but I just got a promotion and I've been focused on fine tuning my new position and haven't really bothered to get back on the dating scene. 2016 was a weird year for me with hooking up with a divorcee cougar, trying to dating different types of women and ultimately failing and then just deciding to be content with being single.

Refrain from labels when talking to/about girls. Even if they enjoy calling themselves "cougars", refrain to put a label on them like this. It will backfire.

She messaged me "I'm so bored" earlier and I didn't say anything. But I guarantee she'll send another message by the end of the night or tomorrow.

This is good. Drop the bomb.

 

[Xun]

All it takes is 1 date to mess things up, eh?

The girl I've been seeing has had a sore throat for the past few weeks and it turns out she has mono. From the sounds of things her symptoms are pretty bad, so she has to stay off of alcohol since her liver isn't looking too good.

The vibe from the start was obviously off, and it turns out she has other family issues which have popped up as well. The chemistry between us just felt off because of all of this, and although she still wants to meet up over the weekend to go to a museum, I have a feeling things are going to end soon.

I really like this girl so things are bumming me out, as well as the thought of potentially getting mono over Christmas...

Also should I text her the following? I'm honestly not quite sure what to say in a situation like this.

"Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your day and how things are going. I hope you got home safe and I look forward to Saturday "

Ughhhhh

No response from her just yet.

Up until now we were texting each other a fair bit each day.

Should I text her later on tonight/tomorrow, or wait? I obviously don't want to be pushy whatsoever, but on the date I said to her I'd send some music she may enjoy. I just feel I need to get the conversation going again, unless now isn't the time?

Knowing things may go south with this girl AND potentially getting mono for Christmas is summing this year up as being fucking terrible.

 

[Count Dookkake]

No response from her just yet.

Up until now we were texting each other a fair bit each day.

Should I text her later on tonight/tomorrow, or wait? I obviously don't want to be pushy whatsoever, but on the date I said to her I'd send some music she may enjoy. I just feel I need to get the conversation going again, unless now isn't the time?

Fuck this shitty year.

Don't be a pushy sap.

If she's sick, crack a joke or otherwise lighten the mood.

Don't remind her that you are looking forward to seeing her.

 

[Xun]

Don't be a pushy sap.

If she's sick, crack a joke or otherwise lighten the mood.

Don't remind her that you are looking forward to seeing her.

I did in the message last night as others here said it was ok, but I wasn't going to in my next message anyway.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

No response from her just yet.

Up until now we were texting each other a fair bit each day.

Should I text her later on tonight/tomorrow, or wait? I obviously don't want to be pushy whatsoever, but on the date I said to her I'd send some music she may enjoy. I just feel I need to get the conversation going again, unless now isn't the time?

Knowing things may go south with this girl AND potentially getting mono for Christmas is summing this year up as being fucking terrible.

Don't message again, do something to keep yourself occupied and don't keep thinking about it. If she gets back to you, great. If she doesn't, give her some space and maybe try messaging her one more time next week.

No response to that? Time to move on, don't end things by begging for attention. Walk away with some self respect.

 

[Incendiary]

Sat next to a very good-looking guy friend of mine at a dinner last week. He fired up Tinder towards the end of the night and started swiping. He hadn't done it for a while (because he has his hands full with his other matches) so I think Tinder put the most attractive people at the top. Anyway I would have swiped right on 95% of those girls, but his standards were obviously higher so he only swiped right on the 9s and 10s (I don't like this categorization with points but it gets the point across) and seriously got 30 matches in a row on his right swipes. Each time I said "no way you're matching with her, she's too hot" he of course got a match. Four of the girls wrote him "hey " or similar within the swiping round.

He wears sunglasses on all his four pics, and the second one partially shows his topless upper body. All of them are selfies.

Perks of being good-looking huh.

Nearly every girl I've had message me on Tinder first has been a bot. Guarantee a bunch of those automatic swipes were bots fishing for website clicks.