Lucian Cat
Kissed a mod for a tag; liked it
My bf currently lives 90km/1.5hrs away. It's doable but annoying ¯\_(ツ
_/¯Australian here
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
My bf currently lives 90km/1.5hrs away. It's doable but annoying ¯\_(ツ
_/¯Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Never heard back from the person yesterday if the venue I picked for today was ok. Should I text them again or just don't bother?
Miles Quaritch
Member
Send them a message asking where to meet for today's date.
No reply to that, delete their number and onto the next one.
Gray Matter
Member
Need some advice.
Went on a date yesterday, we had brunch. All the signs that she is interested are there, we text/talk frequently, conversations flow nicely, flirting, but I still don't know if she likes me the way I like her.
The date itself went well, eye contact, talking never felt forced and/or awkward, but it felt rushed. It felt as if she just wanted to get it out of they way and move on with her day (she mentioned her plans after our date).
I texted her last night that I had a great time seeing her and that we should do it again. How can I convey the way I feeling without pressuring her?
Went on a date yesterday, we had brunch. All the signs that she is interested are there, we text/talk frequently, conversations flow nicely, flirting, but I still don't know if she likes me the way I like her.
The date itself went well, eye contact, talking never felt forced and/or awkward, but it felt rushed. It felt as if she just wanted to get it out of they way and move on with her day (she mentioned her plans after our date).
I texted her last night that I had a great time seeing her and that we should do it again. How can I convey the way I feeling without pressuring her?
Miles Quaritch
Member
How many dates have you been on?
And I'm curious, what were her plans for later in the day? Something interesting or run of the mill?
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Well yeah, I guess maybe I'm asking is how much it bothers other people. Like wasting my time seems to bother me a lot more than others so I'm like heavily leaning towards calling it off instead of even trying to ask her again. Like if it's not known until an hour or two before meeting I'd just rather not meet at that point because it's a waste of my time. Does anyone else feel the same way?
Miles Quaritch
Member
It's not that weird. Most people usually know if they are meeting an hour or two before actually meeting.
I'd still shoot off a message and find out. If it's a no, go about your day. Maybe even go to do what you were planning to do with her? No shame in going it alone and you never know, you might meet someone there.
names2hard4you
Member
Girlfriend is struggling in school and her staying in the country depends heavily on her marks, since she is here on a study visa. That along with her being on that uh... time of the month, doesn't help - poor girl is a mess.
She asked for me to not contact her until exams are over in a few days, since she feels she will be compelled to keep talking, and I agreed to it empathising with her and wishing her luck of course.
I'm generally not much of an emotional dude, but as I struggle with my own exams, I realize how used I was to having her be a part of my day, be it through text or a call, or meeting up. I do appreciate the fact that I can study without having to worry about texting or anything, but damn.
I've only realized how attached I am to this girl now that we are going through tough times of our own and not talking. Can't wait for exams to end.
Adding another line so it respects the 5 paragraphZackieChan GotdatMoney essay model.
She asked for me to not contact her until exams are over in a few days, since she feels she will be compelled to keep talking, and I agreed to it empathising with her and wishing her luck of course.
I'm generally not much of an emotional dude, but as I struggle with my own exams, I realize how used I was to having her be a part of my day, be it through text or a call, or meeting up. I do appreciate the fact that I can study without having to worry about texting or anything, but damn.
I've only realized how attached I am to this girl now that we are going through tough times of our own and not talking. Can't wait for exams to end.
Adding another line so it respects the 5 paragraph
Messofanego
Banned
Of course, no one likes to be stood up.
Gray Matter
Member
First one with her.
She just mentioned quickly that she had to go see some family and after she did have to work later that day but, she didn't have to be there for a few hours.
ZackieChan
Member
Get a grip, bro. It's just a few days.
Get a grip, bro. It's one date and you're in love. That's clingy as fuck. You gotta step it back a bit. That shit isn't attractive at all.
Miles Quaritch
Member
You're over-invested. Step back and breathe, you don't need to tell her your feelings yet. It's been one date. Go on another and use your actions to convey how you feel. A hug, initiate physical contact, be playful, etc.
You're in the lust/excited stage, just chill. Push to far too quickly and you'll ruin things.
names2hard4you
Member
It's the exams aha. They always wreck me a new one.
Gray Matter
Member
Miles Quaritch
Member
Zackie covered it, but yeah, chill a bit brother. It'll be cool.
If you push too much/hard, she'll decide you're one hassle she could do without...go out and do something. It's nearly Christmas, no fairs, events or shit near you?
Miles Quaritch
Member
How long had you been talking before the date?
General bit of advice. You do need to take a step back and not invest so much with anyone so early into the dating process. It'll unbalance things and you will come off as desperate/clingy through your actions.
Just relax. Play some videogames, watch Batman v Superman and then create a thread bitching about it.
names2hard4you
Member
That's definitely what I am doing, I just gave her the space she wants - heck I need it too seeing how I am mess atm as well. And there are, but again I am in exam season so there's 0 chance of me doing anything that isn't studying. Got 2 tomorrow, and then 1 every day of the week until Friday. The plan is for us to go out and enjoy the festivities together once this is all over.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Good luck with the exams and you already have plans, so no need to get too emotional or worry about it too much. That's why you shouldn't talk so often, it can set expectations to a point that when one of you is busy you still to feel ignored/like the person is avoiding you, but that's a discussion for another time.
Good luck, the week will fly by brother.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Not necessarily stood up but deciding things at the last minute where if she's like yeah let's meet at x that you have to drop what you're doing to make it there in time. I just hate waiting until the last minute to decide things, regardless of whether or not they happen when you agreed to meet days before.
Gray Matter
Member
We met online in our late teens (early 20s now) and we used to talk/text daily for months. We never met because there was/is some distance between us and we lost contact. We recently got back in contact after a few years and I suggested going out since we can now.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Don't give Zackie credit for my model. :/
Anyway, you are not talking cause you have exams, not cause you are fighting. I'm pretty sure you can handle a few days alone while you also just study for your own exams .
names2hard4you
Member
I think the emotional thing it's more due to where my life is at atm in other aspects that aren't dating related, but those are issues that don't belong in this thread. The stress from these exams only amplifies these negative emotions of course.
But either way, thanks a bunch, I will be needing that luck. Thanks for keeping me occupied during my break aha! Signing off for the next while.
So sorry, that was rude ahaha. Gonna edit the post and give the credit to where it's due. And yes, all I want is to be left alone. My pupper is keeping me company on my lap as I type this.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Okay, now your behaviour makes a little more sense.
Still, you are over invested despite your history. Take it a date at a time and see if you feel things heading in a specific direction. You're probably feeling a lot of the leftover feelings from when you used to talk coming back up to the surface which is making you want to define things, but it's too early.
Relax, don't become too clingy.
Depends. Add some self deprecation in there with a bit of witty banter and you can come off as funny. Intentionally or otherwise.
This. Although most of the time, I end up getting a girl's number without even asking for it.
I'd say that describes me fairly well. Thanks, Miles! Just needed some affirmation.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Really getting into a girl that will be going back to University 2 and a half hours away from January 14th. Why. Why can't things be simple! Finally meet a girl I connect with in every important way, and there's that.
Ah well.
Ah well.
Messofanego
Banned
ZackieChan
Member
That's some bullshit
Gotdatmoney
Member
I'll fight you. 5 paragraph model came about from my annoyance at essays that have no spacing and are impossible to read on my slow ass phone.
But like, if you really want it I'll lease it to you for a small fee
ZackieChan
Member
I guess mine is more about general length, regardless of spacing. They complement each other.
I'll still fight you tho. I got hands 👊
To be honest, sometimes people need to be bitch smacked with words
Really depends. When you're cynical, there's a fine line between being witty/sarcastic, and being a dick/downer.
That line changes depending on who you're talking to, as well.This is why Dating GAF can't have nice things
Gotdatmoney
Member
You don't want these hands bruh.
They're average at best
I just use what I have off my phone. Seems to work.
Hey_Blinkin
Member
I'm in my mid-thirties and I've just recently started dating for the first time. It's been startling to realize just how little I have to talk about. I just run out of things to say so quickly. Thankfully the dates I've had have all been fine dominating the conversations, but I find myself in a panic when confronted with an awkward silence. It doesn't help that I live in a small town where eating and talking are the main attractions. Also my main hobbies consist of video games and lying around listening to Spotify. Not the most exciting of activities.
Hopefully I'll get better at it over time. But I'm starting to wonder if I'd be better off holding out on dating until I broaden my horizons a little bit. Unfortunately my options for that are pretty limited around here.
Hopefully I'll get better at it over time. But I'm starting to wonder if I'd be better off holding out on dating until I broaden my horizons a little bit. Unfortunately my options for that are pretty limited around here.
One of the things I found that helps, is to ask about the other person, and genuine be interested in finding out about them. Not just using it as a way of filling in the quiet spaces.. usually it generates conversation, either something you can springboard your own experiences off of, or helps trigger something else they'll say.
Either way, you show that you are genuinely interested in them, later have a chance to show that you listened (throwback references to earlier conversations during the data providing opportunites to establish ongoing jokes endearing you to them more), etc.
And chances are they'll have something interesting to say, so give it a shot
If you're interested in music, there's a whole world of converstaion to be had there. Find out their favorite bands, what's their favorite song and why, hypotheticals -- desert island which three cds do you take? gone to any good concerts? etc..
Mobile Suit Gooch
Grundle: The Awakening
So, um, I met this girl at a Chinese place in town who happens to work at the same place I do. (though, different shifts and I didn't directly talk to her) Anyway, I kinda wanna at least get her name, but I don't think she will tell me. We greet each other when I get off and she clocks in ( no small talk, just "hey") but yeah, I don't think she's being shy...Just nice. Think I should at least try or let her walk? I think she's cute, though.
Sorry that I don't have anything interesting.
Sorry that I don't have anything interesting.
Introduce yourself. Hi, I'm Gooch.
1) She will introduce herself. Most people will.
2) She will ignore you, in which case you will be better off not spending any more energy thinking about her.
But someone from work, eeeeehhhh.
One of the things I found that helps, is to ask about the other person, and genuine be interested in finding out about them. Not just using it as a way of filling in the quiet spaces.. usually it generates conversation, either something you can springboard your own experiences off of, or helps trigger something else they'll say.
Either way, you show that you are genuinely interested in them, later have a chance to show that you listened (throwback references to earlier conversations during the data providing opportunites to establish ongoing jokes endearing you to them more), etc.
And chances are they'll have something interesting to say, so give it a shot
Good advice here... also if you are completely happy with your hobbies and life and everything Blinkin then I guess keep on "doing you," but if you have any desire at all to expand beyond listening to music on the sofa and playing video games I recommend you start today. Don't put it off, don't blame it on your location being lame. Get a hobby now, it's never too late, but sooner is better! What interests you? There must be adult softball leagues or climbing walls or board game clubs or shit, you live in the middle of nowhere apparently why not start cycling? Every time I've ever gone to the countryside in just about any country I always see cyclist groups getting their ride on.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Your options for finding a hobby (and yeah, music can be one, especially if you take it seriously) are not geographically limited. In any case, not being passionate about -- I don't know -- rock climbing or photography or coding mobile apps -- isn't a dealbreaker. Very few people are actually dominated by a side gig. Most people's lives involve work, family, and friends, and that's okay.
Your mission is basically to be 100% willing to take risks and experience new things. You should also be open about leaving your small town. Besides, understand that dating is a crucible that changes us: there's no reason to hold off, but instead use this as motivation to move forward.
I'm sure you have more things to talk about than you suspect.
Here's my corollary: the 5 sentence model.
Had a third date today with a girl I'm totally into (a redhead who looks exactly like Aya Cash from You're the Worst). Brunch, museum, The Force Awakens, and then the force awakened. She thinks I'm hot and likes me. We suspect it's headed somewhere. Fourth date planned for this week.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Had a decent first Tinder date.
I thought we had good chemistry. She was also very intelligent, which is my highest-valued trait in women (and thus the highest praise I can bestow). She seemed a bit guarded so I'm not certain if she was just feigning having a good time to be polite, or if she's shy. But it was a fun conversation over cocktails nonetheless.
which is to say not a real date, but just a confirmation that the other person can behave in society
I thought we had good chemistry. She was also very intelligent, which is my highest-valued trait in women (and thus the highest praise I can bestow). She seemed a bit guarded so I'm not certain if she was just feigning having a good time to be polite, or if she's shy. But it was a fun conversation over cocktails nonetheless.
Speaking of vibes, today I was told at the store that I looked like Zachary Quinto. To leverage this, I should start wearing blue shirts around sci-fi conventions...
By virtue of having lived on this planet for 35 years, you have plenty of topics you can talk about. Childhood - what games did you make up, did you have pets, did you have any nicknames, any stories involving teachers...High school - did you have any after school activities, were you in the band, were you an awkward nerd or a jock, what was your first car or first job....College - what was your major, why'd you pick it, what were the highlights, lowlights, were your roommates awesome or awesomely terrible...you get the idea.
You can also keep things completely superficial by talking about movies and tv you watched. It can be anything from which episode of the Simpsons is the best to discussing the last series you Netflix binged and why you binged it. Having opinions on media you've consumed is a nice gateway to conversation.
Finally, Silence is not inherently bad. If you're acting awkward and avoiding eye contact, yeah, that's bad. There is something to be said for silently staring into a girls eyes for a little bit, though.
By virtue of having lived on this planet for 35 years, you have plenty of topics you can talk about. Childhood - what games did you make up, did you have pets, did you have any nicknames, any stories involving teachers...High school - did you have any after school activities, were you in the band, were you an awkward nerd or a jock, what was your first car or first job....College - what was your major, why'd you pick it, what were the highlights, lowlights, were your roommates awesome or awesomely terrible...you get the idea.
You can also keep things completely superficial by talking about movies and tv you watched. It can be anything from which episode of the Simpsons is the best to discussing the last series you Netflix binged and why you binged it. Having opinions on media you've consumed is a nice gateway to conversation.
Finally, Silence is not inherently bad. If you're acting awkward and avoiding eye contact, yeah, that's bad. There is something to be said for silently staring into a girls eyes for a little bit, though.
Will be in a position again where I can start dating (full time job and moving out of parent's house). I'm 33 years old and thinking of giving online dating another try.
Problem is I have no recent pictures and while my old pictures aren't half bad, they are all like 5 years old. Am I going to have to wait another year while I make friends and get pictures to put on the dating sites?
May just be better off hitting the club / bars and forget about online dating for a while.
Problem is I have no recent pictures and while my old pictures aren't half bad, they are all like 5 years old. Am I going to have to wait another year while I make friends and get pictures to put on the dating sites?
May just be better off hitting the club / bars and forget about online dating for a while.
ZackieChan
Member
It'll take you a year to have any friends and to do any interesting things? Way to aim high, I guess.
direct_quote
Member
I feel like I'm losing hope with online dating. None of potential prospects have panned out for like 2 months.. Only option I have left now is some girl I've gone on 3-4 dates with but still hangs out with her ex and has other red flags.. It's depressing I just want to give up (or contact my ex).
jadedm17
Member
Spent over $600 going to Universal, grand dinners, fancy romantic day trips with a girl who said she wasn't ready for a relationship at the start of November; As of today she posted pictures with her new relationship : A creepy older guy from work (last i knew he was married ) who spends half his shift sensually rubbing the back of our young bartender (also in a relationship with a kid). I guess they're dating now?
Last romance interest was a girl in NC (I'm from FL) who is the sister of a close friend, I met her when said close friend got married. Spent $1000 this summer to see her for a week and have fun but obvious distance proved too much and our nightly hour-long facetime sessions fizzled out. She's back with her ex : They have a 5 yo and were together for 7 years so I always felt like a pit-stop anyways.
My interest before that we dated for a few months until I found out she was pregnant from a short fling that happened when she ended her last serious long-term relationship. They tried to make it work but ultimately failed (because comon you were in it for the kid not love, why would it work).
I think sometimes you need to just step back and think maybe life has a bigger picture. Every interaction I've had I've been honest, forward and given my all : The first did me wrong, the second I understood but hurt, and the last was just life. A myriad of different reasons I'm here all alone. I'm not bitter, that's the past, all I can focus on is the future. I'll find someone or die trying.
Always forward.
You can do this. We can do this.
General advice - and what I'm doing - is work out, eat right, find other hobbies and just put yourself out there; If one route isn't working try another. Personally I'm trying to start some game-night meetups and expanding who joins.
Last romance interest was a girl in NC (I'm from FL) who is the sister of a close friend, I met her when said close friend got married. Spent $1000 this summer to see her for a week and have fun but obvious distance proved too much and our nightly hour-long facetime sessions fizzled out. She's back with her ex : They have a 5 yo and were together for 7 years so I always felt like a pit-stop anyways.
My interest before that we dated for a few months until I found out she was pregnant from a short fling that happened when she ended her last serious long-term relationship. They tried to make it work but ultimately failed (because comon you were in it for the kid not love, why would it work).
I think sometimes you need to just step back and think maybe life has a bigger picture. Every interaction I've had I've been honest, forward and given my all : The first did me wrong, the second I understood but hurt, and the last was just life. A myriad of different reasons I'm here all alone. I'm not bitter, that's the past, all I can focus on is the future. I'll find someone or die trying.
Always forward.
Online dating is exhausting bullshit.
General advice - and what I'm doing - is work out, eat right, find other hobbies and just put yourself out there; If one route isn't working try another. Personally I'm trying to start some game-night meetups and expanding who joins.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
The fact that you refer to her as "some girl" that's depressing, and despite having her in your life, you simply want to give up anyway means one thing: she deserves better (and probably wants her ex anyway), and you want different. End it. Don't contact your ex.
Two months is nothing, by the way. It's December, so take a month off (no one's dating around Christmas and New Year's), work on yourself, and start strong in 2017.
I don't know why you talk so much about money. It's weird. You had one relationship that didn't work out, another that absolutely didn't work out because of distance (and the fact that she has children with someone else), plus a third that got knocked up by another guy.
Why do you feel bad about this? Literally none of these women were good matches for you. Be happy that you're not pining away for a woman in another state trying to raise a kid with another man she still loves.
And, like I told direct_quote: take a month off.
Miles Quaritch
Member
What?
I want you to do something. Go out tomorrow, do something fun and take some pictures.
Boom. Now you've got some pictures. The hell are you talking about, a year to make friends and take pictures. Jesus...
Miles Quaritch
Member
Do you think the money you spend guarantees you sex or some shit?
You saw it as an investment for pussy? I'm sure you already know this, but in case you don't, you're a goddamn idiot.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
We missed you.
- Status