Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Ever since I moved from Nashville to Seattle last month, I actually get matches on tinder. Maybe once I get my shit together ill convince one of them to hang out. I hung out with one person already, but we both agreed it wouldn't be a good idea to be romantic with each other.
 
Said fuck it, went out with a 21 year old from tinder(I'm 31). She was pretty cute and a lot of fun to talk to. We talked and laugh for an hour and half. She said I was pretty cool and would love to hang again. I don't see this ever going anywhere serious, but I probably just need some casual dating/fun right now anyways.
 
M52B28 said:
It's just that my two closest friends back in my old town asked me why I haven't bothered dating while out for drinks.

It sucks, but you're right. I don't really have the characteristics of a datable person right now, but I get so curious about how some girls would be to date, especially my friends.

I still have to work on not being a physically ghosting asshole first, which will be lots of work considering how I've become.

Fuck, it sucks realizing this.
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Wow, you are way too down on yourself. It was one mistake. Don't worry about it. And if your friends ask you that, just tell them you don't feel like dating right now. You're doing your thang. It's really no big deal.

But don't date friends, unless you're ready to give up the friendship. If you're just "wondering what it would be like," just stay friends and find non-friends to date. World's shouldn't collide.

NIGHT- said:
Said fuck it, went out with a 21 year old from tinder(I'm 31). She was pretty cute and a lot of fun to talk to. We talked and laugh for an hour and half. She said I was pretty cool and would love to hang again. I don't see this ever going anywhere serious, but I probably just need some casual dating/fun right now anyways.
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Dude, go for it. There's nothing wrong with having a fun, casual relationship. Maybe, just maybe, it will turn into something serious. But that's the beauty of dating younger. The pressure isn't really there.
 
That feeling when you finally meet a gorgeous, wonderful woman you have an absolut blast with
.. at a wedding
...16.000 km away from home..

:(
 
Coffee officially set with my first match.com date for next Sat, got her number et al. Been enjoying our messaging overall but now for Phase 2. First date I've had in years now that I'm putting myself back out there. Happened quicker than I expected.

I also got a like back from a CmB Like I put out on Wed. She's very cute. Makes a lot of money from being an artist. Travels a lot. I really have nothing to offer her other than maybe some good conversation and some D. If we end up on a date I better hope my personality and charm carries it because I'm not rolling up in a Mercedes S-Class that's for sure.

I'm taking that one slow until I see how my other date shakes out and kind of just glancing past other messages/interests/winks/likes. Two's enough to juggle right now.
 
Guys I've given up hope...
I'm absolutely gutted.
I haven't had a serious relationship in two years.
Since then I've jumped from one meaningless relationship to the other. Losing interest quicker and quicker.
This summer I had one girl who wanted something serious, but I wasn't feeling her.
To now two dates in with another one and I'm already not feeling it anymore...

I hate to be that guy.. But I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone that I genuinely could have something real with...
 
Jindrax said:
Guys I've given up hope...
I'm absolutely gutted.
I haven't had a serious relationship in two years.
Since then I've jumped from one meaningless relationship to the other. Losing interest quicker and quicker.
This summer I had one girl who wanted something serious, but I wasn't feeling her.
To now two dates in with another one and I'm already not feeling it anymore...

I hate to be that guy.. But I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone that I genuinely could have something real with...
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only two years?

dude, you're fine. focus on yourself and don't go out looking if it's going to stress you out

take it from me, single for 3 years. heheh.
 
Welp.

When we first started talking this summer, I was looking for a relationship. But I apparently don't have time for one right now. I have been so torn with you because I do have feelings for you. But as I think about it more and more, it seems more like friendly feelings. Like I love talking to you; you're hilarious. I don't want you to say I'm "friend zoning" you though because I hate that word. But I do think we might work better as friends. I've been scared to talk about it though because I don't want you to just stop talking to me altogether.
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Spinluck said:
Welp.
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In my opinion, your best move is the following.

"Hey, I appreciate your honesty. To be straight forward, I'm not interested in just being friends. I was definitely seeking something more than that with you. I wish you the best. "
 
So I tell her that I'm not willing to settle for friendship, and then I "wish her all the best in the whole world."

She then says this:
Ha obviously not since you don't want to be friends. But good luck to you. Hope everything goes well.
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A bit passive aggressive? No?
 
Spinluck said:
So I tell her that I'm not willing to settle for friendship, and then I "wish her all the best in the whole world."

She then says this:


A bit passive aggressive? No?
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Not responding's definitely the right move now, but what the hell at her reply? She's saying that you being her friend is what's "best in the whole world"? Best for her maybe. Best for you? Nope!
 
Spinluck said:
So I tell her that I'm not willing to settle for friendship, and then I "wish her all the best in the whole world."

She then says this:


A bit passive aggressive? No?
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but honestly, what is so hard about just being friends? get over your feelings for her and just ramp up your dating of other women? I've done this in the past. granted the relationships just withered and died, but that was just because of me a being distant person all the time. you have nothing to lose if you keep her friendship while moving on.
 
Damerman said:
but honestly, what is so hard about just being friends? get over your feelings for her and just ramp up your dating of other women? I've done this in the past. granted the relationships just withered and died, but that was just because of me a being distant person all the time. you have nothing to lose if you keep her friendship while moving on.
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After about a month of her blowing me off and shit, I think it's better I moved on entirely. I will date plenty of other women and have plenty of friends already, I don't even want to think about her and the frustration of trying to arrange things with her. If she actually gave me chances instead of blowing me off all the time, I'd consider it. But I think I'm better off just moving forward.
 
Damerman said:
but honestly, what is so hard about just being friends? get over your feelings for her and just ramp up your dating of other women? I've done this in the past. granted the relationships just withered and died, but that was just because of me a being distant person all the time. you have nothing to lose if you keep her friendship while moving on.
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You may have done it easily, but that doesn't mean everyone can. If he had feeling for her, I'd say that most people can't just put that aside and just be friends. Taking your advice could very easily lead to further heartbreak, and often does. Best is to just cut all ties and move on.
 
Spinluck said:
After about a month of her blowing me off and shit, I think it's better I moved on entirely. I will date plenty of other women and have plenty of friends already, I don't even want to think about her and the frustration of trying to arrange things with her. If she actually gave me chances instead of blowing me off all the time, I'd consider it. But I think I'm better off just moving forward.
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point taken. in that case, yeah you are better off ignoring her. i would have told her that she is like cavities, cause she be toof-ache.

asap ferg line
 
Yea, not everyone has the ability to throw their feelings aside for the person they care about and must be friends. I tried doing it with an ex while she was dating someone else, awful experience for me. Don't recommend it to anyone
 
Status update/asking for advice.

Intoverted girl and I are closing in on being serious, but boy, she's so insecure, it makes my head spin. She buys records that I listen to, wears band shirts of bands I like. When I ask what she wants to do she ALWAYS replies with "It doesn't matter" or something of the like. She seems alsomt devoid of personality and adjusts herself to who I am and what I like. When I talk about my doubts and frustrations she acknowledges them but seems incapable of giving me any kind of useful feedback except for "you think too much". I asked her if she's in love with me and she said she is.

When at the local bar, she just stands there, looking around while I want to have the time of my life. I can't however, because I'm constantly held back by her. That might be my own sense of responsibility kicking in, but I just want her to have a good time too! Some other girl that meddled in my personal life before came up to me one night and said hello. I called that girl out and confronted her with her meddling. My date just took off. Nowhere to be seen. I handled myself perfectly fine, but it would have been nice to have her by my side, backing me up (mentally).

I get that she's introverted and insecure, but it feels like that is a huge obstacle between us. I have my share of insecurities too, and it can get hard to deal with them. That, plus I'm kind of a loose cannon. I love to drink, party and have a raunchy, good time. I just feel like we're very incompatible. It's frustrating an tiring to me. Guess I'll better let her go, huh?
 
Uh yeah dude. Sounds like you two are on completely different wavelengths. I mean, are there any other activities you like to do together that she gets into? If it's just the drinking and partying that she's not a fan of, you could probably do something about it, but if there's really nothing you guys enjoy doing together then I'd say it ain't gonna work out.
 
Yeah, you two seem quite incompatible. I wouldn't automatically say she's insecure, more like she seems to have some serious anxiety issues, but it's hard to work out a relationship when you two seem to be completely different.
 
Spinluck said:
After about a month of her blowing me off and shit, I think it's better I moved on entirely.
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You need to take signs and signals better. Why assume there's any interest at all if a girl is blowing you off for a whole month? You needing to move on is an understatement.
 
Denzar said:
I get that she's introverted and insecure, but it feels like that is a huge obstacle between us. I have my share of insecurities too, and it can get hard to deal with them. That, plus I'm kind of a loose cannon. I love to drink, party and have a raunchy, good time. I just feel like we're very incompatible. It's frustrating an tiring to me. Guess I'll better let her go, huh?
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Yeah, you sound like me, but I'm introverted in ways. When I'm quiet, I'm quiet. When I wanna party and let loose, I let loose.

She seems a bit too flat for your personality. Try to get her to open up some more. If that doesn't work, then I don't think the relationship will work.
 
ant_ said:
In my opinion, your best move is the following.

"Hey, I appreciate your honesty. To be straight forward, I'm not interested in just being friends. I was definitely seeking something more than that with you. I wish you the best. "
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I did this a few years ago. The girl messaged me out of the blue last week. I've got a date with her on Wednesday lol.
 
stn said:
You need to take signs and signals better. Why assume there's any interest at all if a girl is blowing you off for a whole month? You needing to move on is an understatement.
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Yeah this wasn't my best moment.

I made a ton of mistakes.

Walking away from the whole friend offer does feel pretty liberating though. My biggest regret was dropping the 3 other girls I was talking to Tinder when I met this girl. Just because she really caught my eye and my interest. Let my guard down pretty early, and didn't act when in had the chance therefore sending mixed signals on both ends.
 
Spinluck said:
So I tell her that I'm not willing to settle for friendship, and then I "wish her all the best in the whole world."

She then says this:


A bit passive aggressive? No?
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Couple things here. She's only thinking about herself. She wants to keep you as a backup plan. You need to go 100% no contact, you have enough friends and you won't be a pawn.
 
Recently got back into the dating scene after my marriage (year and 3 months) ended a little bit earlier this year. Basically went the last 3 years without any sort of physical relationship or affection. Counseling revealed she couldn't really forgive me for a sexting incident on fb 5 or so years ago.

In completely new town - Philadelphia - and not ready for anything super serious, but OKC has been lining up dates for me left and right. And I even put in my profile that I was recently separated (figured it was better to be upfront). Hit it off w a physician a few years younger than myself and had multiple dates. Feels good man!
 
ruxtpin said:
Recently got back into the dating scene after my marriage (year and 3 months) ended a little bit earlier this year. Basically went the last 3 years without any sort of physical relationship or affection. Counseling revealed she couldn't really forgive me for a sexting incident on fb 5 or so years ago.
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Sorry to bring this up if you don't want to talk about it but I gotta ask. You were together at least five years. The last three years she barely showed you any affection. Then you got married, which ended 1 year 3 months ago? Honestly makes my head spin.
 
No, I think he was married for a year and 3 months and it ended earlier this year. But, yeah, it is odd to get married to someone you don't have a physical relationship. Sometimes though marriage is seen as a magic elixir that will fix anything, which never works.

I get that she's introverted and insecure, but it feels like that is a huge obstacle between us. I have my share of insecurities too, and it can get hard to deal with them. That, plus I'm kind of a loose cannon. I love to drink, party and have a raunchy, good time. I just feel like we're very incompatible. It's frustrating an tiring to me. Guess I'll better let her go, huh?
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Is there anything you enjoy about her? At this point, it sounds kinda like you're both in the relationship to say you're in a relationship. If she actually ran out, that's kinda disturbing and not someone I'd spend time with.
 
Jokab said:
Sorry to bring this up if you don't want to talk about it but I gotta ask. You were together at least five years. The last three years she barely showed you any affection. Then you got married, which ended 1 year 3 months ago? Honestly makes my head spin.
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Yeah, I posted about in on gaf a while back in some other thread. I think I held out hope far longer than I should have, looking back on it now. But she had crohns, so at the beginning there was a drought of any physical intimacy so that's why the fb crap happened. It got better for a bit, then the crohns came back. She had ostomy surgery and told me after that happened she'd have the desire to be physical again. Surgery came and went, moved to Philly to be closer to her family, but nothing changed.

Couples counseling basically outed the fact that she now has the energy to be angry about the past. And because of family issues (parents cheating), she couldn't forgive me. Fortunately the divorce is as amicable as one can be. No fighting or yelling, in agreement over how to divide stuff, no kids (because no sex), and no big shared expenses.
 
After my vacation this week (31st-6th) I will barely have any time to myself. Work and school Mon-Fri from 5am in the morning to around 4pm in afternoon or even later in the afternoon. I'm kind of anxious to hop on Tinder again and see that happens but I'm kind of afraid I won't have the time.

I will have the weekends available to myself so maybe it's worth a shot?
 
Jindrax said:
Guys I've given up hope...
I'm absolutely gutted.
I haven't had a serious relationship in two years.
Since then I've jumped from one meaningless relationship to the other. Losing interest quicker and quicker.
This summer I had one girl who wanted something serious, but I wasn't feeling her.
To now two dates in with another one and I'm already not feeling it anymore...

I hate to be that guy.. But I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone that I genuinely could have something real with...
Click to expand...

As others have said, best thing to do is not think about it and focus on yourself for a while.

I put relationships on the shelf five years ago, nothing serious during that time and I wanted to focus on my physical health/look, career and just being happy with friends. Now I'm at a place where all that is great and now, getting back out there, I feel more confident and excited to meet some people. More importantly, at a point where if it doesn't happen and there's not a connection, then I'm good with it...five years ago I hung everything on something working or not working but now if a woman says "this isn't working" or there's no connection between us then I'm like "cool, take it easy, bruh."

I remember telling my friends I wasn't interested in dating and they didn't quite get it (they were all already in relationships anyways). I'm like "guys...just give me some time and it'll come around." It will, you just need to let it.
 
Jindrax said:
Guys I've given up hope...
I'm absolutely gutted.
I haven't had a serious relationship in two years.
Since then I've jumped from one meaningless relationship to the other. Losing interest quicker and quicker.
This summer I had one girl who wanted something serious, but I wasn't feeling her.
To now two dates in with another one and I'm already not feeling it anymore...

I hate to be that guy.. But I feel like I'm never going to meet anyone that I genuinely could have something real with...
Click to expand...

The best attitude to have is just live your life as normal and you will meet "the one" organically

If it's going to happen it will happen
 
I really do feel like a confused piece of shit right now.

I mentioned it in the previous thread, but I've been dating a girl for about 2 months now (we've met up once every week), and she came over to mine again last night for the 2nd time. Whilst the sex is great (hopefully for her as well...), I'm not really feeling any connection towards her after we've done it and I feel terrible because of it.

She's a really lovely girl, I'm just not really looking for anything too serious just yet (she's the first person I've slept with) nor am I entirely sure I'm attracted to her. We've not had any sort of chat about where things are going, so would it be worth talking things through or just going with the flow?

Chances are I'll be seeing her less since she starts uni in September again (she's training to be a doctor), so perhaps she wants something more casual as well, but I just can't help but feel she may want something more.

It's all on my mind constantly at the moment. :/
 
Xun said:
I really do feel like a confused piece of shit right now.

I mentioned it in the previous thread, but I've been dating a girl for about 2 months now (we've met up once every week), and she came over to mine again last night for the 2nd time. Whilst the sex is great (hopefully for her as well...), I'm not really feeling any connection towards her after we've done it and I feel terrible because of it.

She's a really lovely girl, I'm just not really looking for anything too serious just yet (she's the first person I've slept with) nor am I entirely sure I'm attracted to her. We've not had any sort of chat about where things are going, so would it be worth talking things through or just going with the flow?

Chances are I'll be seeing her less since she starts uni in September again (she's training to be a doctor), so perhaps she wants something more casual as well, but I just can't help but feel she may want something more.

It's all on my mind constantly at the moment. :/
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I think you're overthinking it and feel "guilty" about not having feelings for her, which exacerbates the issue.

You've only been dating for two months and only see each other once a week. That's, what, 8 dates? Attraction and feelings can take time.

Do you enjoy her company? Do you look forward to seeing her?

It seems like your options are either a) say nothing, see what happens (or she brings it up) or b) have a talk with her about your relationship.
 
Xun said:
I really do feel like a confused piece of shit right now.

I mentioned it in the previous thread, but I've been dating a girl for about 2 months now (we've met up once every week), and she came over to mine again last night for the 2nd time. Whilst the sex is great (hopefully for her as well...), I'm not really feeling any connection towards her after we've done it and I feel terrible because of it.

She's a really lovely girl, I'm just not really looking for anything too serious just yet (she's the first person I've slept with) nor am I entirely sure I'm attracted to her. We've not had any sort of chat about where things are going, so would it be worth talking things through or just going with the flow?

Chances are I'll be seeing her less since she starts uni in September again (she's training to be a doctor), so perhaps she wants something more casual as well, but I just can't help but feel she may want something more.

It's all on my mind constantly at the moment. :/
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Two months in having that conversation is natural and should be done. You're doing a disservice for both of you by not addressing it if it ends up you both are wanting different things especially.
 
Xun said:
I really do feel like a confused piece of shit right now.

I mentioned it in the previous thread, but I've been dating a girl for about 2 months now (we've met up once every week), and she came over to mine again last night for the 2nd time. Whilst the sex is great (hopefully for her as well...), I'm not really feeling any connection towards her after we've done it and I feel terrible because of it.

She's a really lovely girl, I'm just not really looking for anything too serious just yet (she's the first person I've slept with) nor am I entirely sure I'm attracted to her. We've not had any sort of chat about where things are going, so would it be worth talking things through or just going with the flow?

Chances are I'll be seeing her less since she starts uni in September again (she's training to be a doctor), so perhaps she wants something more casual as well, but I just can't help but feel she may want something more.

It's all on my mind constantly at the moment. :/
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Was there any initial spark? I mean you've either had it or you didn't.
 
Xun said:
I really do feel like a confused piece of shit right now.

I mentioned it in the previous thread, but I've been dating a girl for about 2 months now (we've met up once every week), and she came over to mine again last night for the 2nd time. Whilst the sex is great (hopefully for her as well...), I'm not really feeling any connection towards her after we've done it and I feel terrible because of it.
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Its not that you're not feeling a connection. Its...

Xun said:
nor am I entirely sure I'm attracted to her.
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Bingo.

You gotta read your own post. The only reason we're having this discussion is because you feel bad and/or shallow. I'm here to tell you that its okay not to pursue things with someone you're not attracted to. Just be honest with yourself and bite the bullet here. Ending things with her will suck but you'll be free. Besides, you don't want her to think there's really something when there probably isn't.
 
girl messaged me on okcupid, seemed interested and at least initiated a few gaming sessions to get a feel for each other. she said she doesn't really talk much but the pressure was there in my mind to keep conversation flowing a bit, and i failed. i felt worse as the night went on, realizing i'm probably boring the shit out of her

haven't heard from her since that night, so i'm sure it was a rather boring time for her. guess that's that for awhile.
 
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