Miles Quaritch
Member
Her previous plans fell through and she doesn't want to be alone for New Year, so decided to reach out to someone she knew would immediately come running because of how desperate he is for her attention.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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Her previous plans fell through and she doesn't want to be alone for New Year, so decided to reach out to someone she knew would immediately come running because of how desperate he is for her attention.
ZackieChan
Member
I thought you were going to block her. Please move on.
Gray Matter
Member
Huh, I've never felt so good about, don't want to call rejection, but not progressing any further with a girl. Had a brief conversation last night that continued this morning and it was very good, we discussed the reasons why this can't work, and I completely understand that. It stings a bit, but I'm content with the outcome.
It's so much better when both sides communicate, it made everything so much easier, now we can both move on without hard feelings.
Just say no... As hard as that will be, just say no.
It's so much better when both sides communicate, it made everything so much easier, now we can both move on without hard feelings.
Just say no... As hard as that will be, just say no.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I'd do it, but I've never come out ahead going against the majority advice in this thread. I've always been fucked over.
ZackieChan
Member
Maybe, ya know, because the advice to avoid people who don't respect your time or reciprocate your feelings is good advice?
How long do you think you will sustain yourself with breadcrumbs? Months? Years? Do you think you will be able to beat the GAF record?
Get some self worth and say no
I wonder how much of this thread could be replaced with songs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. This one is definitely appropriate.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkAjUBtn_TM
Spent the night at fresh GF's place again, first time I had to go to work from there.
She has a day off yet she woke up before me, breakfast / coffee was ready all set up... dayum I'm not letting this one go.
D'aw.
Really good advice, I did the same before I learned to talk to people (and sometimes still do with new people, depending).
Like I said the first time, in her eyes she's your friend. Is it really so odd to ask a friend to chill?
If this is such an earth-shaking statement, just block her or ghost her or something.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
When we were drinking the other day I uploaded a picture of us to Facebook. I thought it was okay at the time (she'd been taking selfies of us quite a lot) she made some small comment about it but because we were fine after I thought nothing of it. Apparently it really freaked her out, as she considered it a big deal me tagging her.
Then last night was me making some stupid comment when I'd been drinking (I complained that she'd asked to see me then changed her mind) and it just escalated from there to her saying she's scared we're moving too fast.
I really need to put the brake on and be less eager, we've only been seeing each other three weeks, but it's hard! It's been mutual, e.g. she asked me to meet her parents and I did, but I think she's more freaked out than me. We've been talking today and I think it's fine, but just nearly messed it up. She's a really great girl, and I guess there's the old adage about squeezing something too tight trying to keep it.
I think dating is remarkable in that just as you think you've got it figured you get thrown a curve ball. I'm still learning :/
CreepingFear
Member
How do some of you find the time to date or look for dates when trying to further your career through education? I don't feel like I can find the time for dating while working on my IT career in my spare time. I went on one date last year via Tinder. It was a success(I mean she went third base on me and texted me before I even got home), but I had to wait two weeks after to finish up an IT certification and she ghosted me.
I'm horny and lonely as fuck, but at the same time I'm 34 and not getting any younger and feel like I should be dedicating my time so that I can rise up through the job rankings every few years or so.
I'm horny and lonely as fuck, but at the same time I'm 34 and not getting any younger and feel like I should be dedicating my time so that I can rise up through the job rankings every few years or so.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
You have to make time, but it is hard. I work a professional career, and weekday dates are pretty much out of the question because I'd be tired and terrible company. Weekends are sometimes taken up too, but I mean you can always spare an evening if you really want a date with someone.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Yeah, but there's always that long shot that it works haha. He shouldn't listen to me.
Yeah, mine was moving quick af too. We got drunk one night, got into an argument at my place, and she called her ex to come get her. An overreaction for sure, and it didn't end up happening. Although the next day she text me saying she wasn't over him. So I cut that shit clean. Haven't spoken to her since.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Yup mine mentioned her ex too, she says shes over him but she was worried about upsetting him by putting a picture on social media. I got screwed over massively by my ex running off to her ex so it makes me a little paranoid.
Gray Matter
Member
That's good. Now, don't cave in and end up going that day anyway.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Any relationship where the ex is brought up in a way that isn't talking about why they broke up is one you need to get away from as quickly as possible.
You're the stop gap in that relationship. You're just there to keep things warm and keep them company until they feel ready to go back to their ex/their ex is ready to get back with them. Bail and never, ever look back.
You're the stop gap in that relationship. You're just there to keep things warm and keep them company until they feel ready to go back to their ex/their ex is ready to get back with them. Bail and never, ever look back.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
It's not about figuring it out. It's about talking to and listening to what the other person is feeling. Every person is different with what they are comfortable with and the pace they're OK with in a relationship. It's not a hard set rule of what's OK or not, that's why you need to communicate with them.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I don't believe you! I did the same thing on here a couple of times.
"I'll just tell them I took their advice, and see where this shit goes."
Maybe I'm a piece of shit, but honestly, you should take their advice.
No point in lying for me. People here opened my eyes and I stopped thinking like some drama romanctic guy.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Lol, what else is new
Miles Quaritch
Member
I mean,
I can see why you'd be cynical...gives off the If I say no, I might upset her and lose my chance... kind of vibe.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I hope that's true for your sake!
It isn't new, I admitted it back then, don't be newly mad at me for old stuff please lol
This is why I don't really believe him. lol
LucidMomentum
Member
Play hard to get. Work on yourself, do things you want to do.
Look into going out with someone else in the meantime.
She's clearly not super invested in you, so you shouldn't be super invested in her.
if you want to hang out then hang out, but if it's getting to the point where you're obsessing about her and you're a "maybe" for her than it's not healthy for you.
I did a lot of things I didn't want to. Even when we went to the movie, I didn't have a wish to go there, because movie wasn't actually my type, and I was planning to visit my parents this day, but I cancelled everything just to see her. I was really obsessed with that girl.
ZackieChan
Member
I'd just assume it
iBlue
Member
I was seeing this girl for like a month, we met up like twice for movies it went right and we talked quite a lot during that time. Then I went to Canada for a week and I asked her if she was using tinder she said she deleted it and not to worry about it. Couple days ago just curios I checked up her profile and it was updated with a new description and news pics and I got supper pissed. It made me feel like a plan b and told her that and she apologize about it but til this day i say something and dlesbt reply and I know she is online on whatssap cus I can see last time online and she goes online quite often.
I am done trying for this girl and just gotta focus on my weigh loss and going to the gym
I am done trying for this girl and just gotta focus on my weigh loss and going to the gym
This
All that after two dates? Creepin' like that and being that invested?
Chill bro.
artsi
Member
Yeah I agree you should do that. She would contact you if she was that interested.
I mean yeah it was shitty of her to lie about it when asked, but you also fucked up by asking in the first place. You should simply assume she's still using dating apps until you've called it exclusive, which really shouldn't happen on date two. You're doing right by dropping her though, don't need girls that lie to your face.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Two dates and you were super pissed she was on Tinder? Yeah, maybe you should focus on yourself.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Two dates. One month. Two dates. One month.
And you're stalking her on Whatsapp and upset she's still using Tinder.
Sigh...You do you man. You do you. I'm sure this will work out wonderfully. It has all the hallmarks of a perfectly functional and healthy relationship.
Messofanego
Banned
If she ain't marrying you or going into an exclusive long-term relationship with you, don't act jealous that she's still using dating apps. It's only been a month. That's like just a few dates, at most? Makes you look possessive.
_/¯After only 2 dates? You have to chill next time man.
I guess I'm not used to it.
From what I can gather people here in the UK simply date differently to how you guys date in the States. In the UK it's a lot more common for people to simply date one person at a time, which means "exclusivity" is already assumed from the start. Of course I'm not saying everyone is dating this way, but it's a lot more prevalent unless it's casual from the start. That said online dating has changed things, so chances are the dating habits here slowly becoming more akin to how it is in the US.
I'm bringing this up since the girl I've been seeing is American (studying here for a year), so I'm sure she's going out with multiple guys and I want to know where I stand. Is it acceptable to sleep around when the dating habits in the UK are different? In all honesty I'm at the stage where I want to play the field so I'm all for it, but I'd personally feel weird not telling whoever I'm seeing... 🤔
Yeah the advent of online dating has really "Americanized" seeing people here. Before when you were interested in someone and they agreed to go out with you it was taken that you were a "thing" from the start. Not serious, but exclusive.
Now you have to assume she is talking to and seeing other guys because.....you are doing it too. It's thrilling and frustrating in equal measure. We are still learning to adjust over here.
Now you have to assume she is talking to and seeing other guys because.....you are doing it too. It's thrilling and frustrating in equal measure. We are still learning to adjust over here.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Can't say I agree with that. When I was still dating, I was still going out and meeting others and I know my fiancée was too. Everyone was dating multiple people from what I could tell. Had one date where she even told me she had a date lined up for later that day so she didn't want to eat too much during ours. Felt great that did...
Anyway after about the fifth date we had 'the talk' and said we'd try the exclusivity thing for a while and it's been going ever since.
Krauser Kat
Member
i think i went exclusive after like 5-8 dates over the course of 3-4 weeks. We happened to be exclusive the whole time but it was more asking if we wanted to actually date.
I had a girl that was only in town for 2 more days dress me down for saying i have another date the next day. I felt bad i hurt her feelings. I knew it was never going to be a thing but she was a great person/friend. Were still friends, after she went back home.
i think everyone always assumes everyone else is dating other people on tinder/what have you. Just dont rub it in the person you are currently withs face.
I just say im going out with some friends for a drink after work or something. Since its technically not a lie.
I had a girl that was only in town for 2 more days dress me down for saying i have another date the next day. I felt bad i hurt her feelings. I knew it was never going to be a thing but she was a great person/friend. Were still friends, after she went back home.
i think everyone always assumes everyone else is dating other people on tinder/what have you. Just dont rub it in the person you are currently withs face.
I just say im going out with some friends for a drink after work or something. Since its technically not a lie.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Yeah, and there's also a better way to pitch this, but it requires emotional vulnerability (this is a theme for me!). With the girl I'm currently seeing, after date 5, but after we'd already been intimate, I told her: "Hey, I'm not seeing anybody else, and I don't want to either."
Turned out well. It's more a notification than a request; it also requires being willing to put yourself out there.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Krauser Kat
Member
you had to go an put on the whole suave thing. mine was decently romantic i just didnt want to get into it.
If a guy I was dating asked me that, I'd probably take it as an accusatory question.
Probably better to not ask, and just assume she is until you're exclusive.
Dude, it was only two dates over the course of the month. Don't be stalking people after only two dates to the point you know when they're online. It's creepy.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Oh no-- you did it fine!
I meant the whole "Do you want to be exclusive? [y/n]" isn't great, referring to asking someone if they're seeing anyone else. You really do have to assume they are.
Sorry for the misunderstanding; was trying to type something up before work!
It is something I’m trying to wrap my head around it, certainly.
I’m only going by everyone I know and articles I’ve read talking about the general differences between the UK and US dating habits, but I do feel online dating has “Americanised” things so you’re probably right.
I guess it kind of weirds me out knowing whoever I’m seeing could potentially be sleeping with other guys whilst dating me, but perhaps I simply have a naive/outdated outlook on it. I probably should as well if others are doing it, especially since I lack the experience...
Are you saying not to see multiple people or to see multiple people? Because if it is the latter I do agree it’ll be beneficial to me.
I realise I grew way too attached to the American girl I’ve been seeing since I’ve never been in such a position before. No one has ever showed that much affection or interest towards me, so it was all pretty new to me as pathetic as that may sound. When we tried (and failed) to have sex, even just cuddling and chatting on her bed felt great.
I’ve only slept with 1 person before, but I never felt anything towards her so to find someone I generally like for once was a bit of a shock to the system. We’re still both speaking to each other a bit (despite her being back in the US for Christmas), but I’m trying to take a step back from her as much as possible for my own sanity.
In any case I’m still trying to work myself out and I think it would be healthy to play the field a bit.
If only I wasn’t in a health limbo for the next few weeks, even though I've not come down with anything yet...
I can see that.
I realise it sounded accusatory but I was just curious on the etiquette, that’s all.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Oh 100% I am saying see other girls.
It's great you are having new experiences and enjoying this time. I think that is awesome. I just dont want you to develop oneitis. This is a cool girl you enjoy spendimg time with but there are also lots of other cool people out there so while trying to keep this thing going if its good also dont completely shut yourself out to other prospects. Just relax and go with the flow.
Messofanego
Banned
I don't think that's a UK thing. I'm British, and meet quite a few girls until I figure out who's right for me. I know the girls do that too, and it's fine. Because that one person won't be available every week to meet. Of course, don't be all "oh btw I've got another date coming up". Don't be that honest haha!
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