TimeEffect
Member
nvm
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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That 'stuck on a girl' thing sounds/sounded like me. Go out, seek another one. Might feel like 'there is no other' but there are. There are A LOT. Why there are no others is because you do not let yourself try. Distance yourself, and trying is easier.
Have a date tomorrow with a new girl again. After I let go of my third strike failure with ex-ex. And I feel great. New girl is fantastic.
Edit: to dude above my post: contact her. No harm done. You can explain why you haven't talked. If she's an adult, she should understand. Don't stress about it too much.
Have a date tomorrow with a new girl again. After I let go of my third strike failure with ex-ex. And I feel great. New girl is fantastic.
Edit: to dude above my post: contact her. No harm done. You can explain why you haven't talked. If she's an adult, she should understand. Don't stress about it too much.
stn
Member
@Djostikk
Dude, you're killing me over here. Stop with the melodrama romance movie crap and go meet some other women. SPOILER: it is much easier to find a more attractive and nicer girl if you actually search for one instead of convincing yourself you'll never love again and all that bullshit.
You like this girl, fine. She doesn't like you. Sorry. Shit does not go our way all the time. But you are in for a VERY rude awakening if this is how you plan to deal with women in your life.
Dude, you're killing me over here. Stop with the melodrama romance movie crap and go meet some other women. SPOILER: it is much easier to find a more attractive and nicer girl if you actually search for one instead of convincing yourself you'll never love again and all that bullshit.
You like this girl, fine. She doesn't like you. Sorry. Shit does not go our way all the time. But you are in for a VERY rude awakening if this is how you plan to deal with women in your life.
Yea i understand. We were together for a year, then another year of long distance. She finally moved to study in my country for a year last summer. So it's kinda shit to have to force yourself to forget someone after waiting for so long. We agreed to meet in January and chat, but even now im imagining scenarios in which she won't contact me until i do, even though it was her idea and wish to be friends.
Typing it out like this makes it seem so obvious and clear what i need to do. But cant help myself getting trapped in weird moments thinking of stuff. I'm doing pretty good so far in just not thinking about her and i just need to take it day by day. Telling myself that if there is a chance of anything, then it has to come from her. Im going to focus on myself and remove all expectations.
You guys are great, thanks for being harsh as well. Sometimes we just need a wake up slap from someone besides ourselves.
What do you think would happen if you got together with her and she would leave you? What would you do? Have you ever thought about that? You are obsessed and that's kind of a dangerous basis to get into a relationship.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Had a really nice Tinder first date tonight, intelligent hipstery girl who likes to take it slow but said she wants us to meet up again.
It's funny how girls are like waves and you'll get nothing for months and suddenly hit a huge pocket of momentum.
It's funny how girls are like waves and you'll get nothing for months and suddenly hit a huge pocket of momentum.
Gray Matter
Member
So the girl I like told me she doesn't feel the same about me, I already knew that but I just needed closure so I can move on peacefully. I'm handling it better that I thought I would, but I think it's mostly because she said it wasn't anything that I did or said, she just isn't ready.
Honestly, in a strange way, it feels good, I know it wasn't anything I did or said, just isn't meant to be. It stings a bit, but at least I can move on without blaming myself on the failure.
My biggest problem is that get attached too easily, it's one of the main reasons why I avoid dating. That probably isn't the best way to work on that but it went fine the last 3 years. I was lonely, yes, but it beats being depressed about not having a woman in my life.
Honestly, in a strange way, it feels good, I know it wasn't anything I did or said, just isn't meant to be. It stings a bit, but at least I can move on without blaming myself on the failure.
My biggest problem is that get attached too easily, it's one of the main reasons why I avoid dating. That probably isn't the best way to work on that but it went fine the last 3 years. I was lonely, yes, but it beats being depressed about not having a woman in my life.
Explain more please?
Don't think too hard about it. Have fun. Be yourself.
Also, how slow?
Just keep putting yourself out there.
A girl got really mad (on a serious way) for not inviting her to some party: told one of my friends to cut off his dick and she was mad at me for 2 weeks straight.
We talked on Christmas again and kept mentioning some kind of party (that was this monday), but she never officialy invited me, unlike her other friends. Turns out, one common friend tells me to come over -- but guess what? I'm busy and it's already late for me to go out. I even made a video call and wished her a happy birthday and all; she said there was no problem at all. However, she later told me that this relationship might not work at all because she says that I live far from her (30+ min drive), that this has already happened to her and that she won't deal again with it.
In the end, I told her my opinion about her and I suggested we remain as friends. Dealing with women that get mad at simple stuff is such a turn-off, specially when it's justified (in my opinion).
We talked on Christmas again and kept mentioning some kind of party (that was this monday), but she never officialy invited me, unlike her other friends. Turns out, one common friend tells me to come over -- but guess what? I'm busy and it's already late for me to go out. I even made a video call and wished her a happy birthday and all; she said there was no problem at all. However, she later told me that this relationship might not work at all because she says that I live far from her (30+ min drive), that this has already happened to her and that she won't deal again with it.
In the end, I told her my opinion about her and I suggested we remain as friends. Dealing with women that get mad at simple stuff is such a turn-off, specially when it's justified (in my opinion).
ZackieChan
Member
You did the right thing
I could do with some tips on how to get something out of this situation or at least exhaust my chances.
Met a girl in a club, she's cute and basically threw herself at me, gave me her number without me asking. She seemed there for the taking but I left without capitalising.
I texted her and she didn't reply for a few days so I wrote it off. Eventually she replied and wants to meet up and arranged a date for Christmas Eve. In the days in between we didn't text a lot, there was one day where we texted for a few hours, some days didn't text at all but when we did it seemed to go really well.
Day before our date she's meant to be working late but I text her the usual "looking forward to our date tomorrow" at around 10pm, she didn't respond.
The next day 2 hours before our date she says work has called her in so she might be an hour or two late. I got no backup plan so I agree to push it back. 1 hour before the new time and she asks for a rain check cos she won't finish until late now. I'm disappointed but shit happens. I'm starting to think she's had 2nd thoughts or found someone else but ok benefit of the doubt.
Christmas Day rolls around and I know she's working 7am-7pm. I text her around 3pm to wish her Merry Christmas, hope her monster shift is going well and tell her I'm free a few days in the next week or so if she wants to re-arrange. Told her she can choose the venue this time.
She respond and says "all good". We text back and forth a bit about presents and have a laugh. It all sounds encouraging.
I let the conversation trail off with her sending the last text. Now technically I'm waiting on her to get in touch regarding a new date cos when someone asks for a rain check and doesn't suggest a new time it suggests they've lost interest. Is now a good time to just wait for her to get in touch regarding a new date?
She's probably just someone who is busy and has a life and will sort something out when it's a less busy period.
But I feel like if I leave it she will lose interest. But I don't want to keep texting and slowly turn into some kind of text buddy.
What's the play here? Radio silence until she gets back in touch with a new date? Check in with her in like a week? Or keep piquing her interest with textual chemistry and flirty messages?
Met a girl in a club, she's cute and basically threw herself at me, gave me her number without me asking. She seemed there for the taking but I left without capitalising.
I texted her and she didn't reply for a few days so I wrote it off. Eventually she replied and wants to meet up and arranged a date for Christmas Eve. In the days in between we didn't text a lot, there was one day where we texted for a few hours, some days didn't text at all but when we did it seemed to go really well.
Day before our date she's meant to be working late but I text her the usual "looking forward to our date tomorrow" at around 10pm, she didn't respond.
The next day 2 hours before our date she says work has called her in so she might be an hour or two late. I got no backup plan so I agree to push it back. 1 hour before the new time and she asks for a rain check cos she won't finish until late now. I'm disappointed but shit happens. I'm starting to think she's had 2nd thoughts or found someone else but ok benefit of the doubt.
Christmas Day rolls around and I know she's working 7am-7pm. I text her around 3pm to wish her Merry Christmas, hope her monster shift is going well and tell her I'm free a few days in the next week or so if she wants to re-arrange. Told her she can choose the venue this time.
She respond and says "all good". We text back and forth a bit about presents and have a laugh. It all sounds encouraging.
I let the conversation trail off with her sending the last text. Now technically I'm waiting on her to get in touch regarding a new date cos when someone asks for a rain check and doesn't suggest a new time it suggests they've lost interest. Is now a good time to just wait for her to get in touch regarding a new date?
She's probably just someone who is busy and has a life and will sort something out when it's a less busy period.
But I feel like if I leave it she will lose interest. But I don't want to keep texting and slowly turn into some kind of text buddy.
What's the play here? Radio silence until she gets back in touch with a new date? Check in with her in like a week? Or keep piquing her interest with textual chemistry and flirty messages?
She sounds like:
1) she might be on the rebound (she threw herself at you)
2) she isn't committal (not an even playing field)
3) she isn't responsive (that sounds like a flakey person at best)
Don't text her back anymore. You wished her merry xmas and she said nothing. That's weak. Say nothing and if she reaches out, keep it cool and casual.
1) she might be on the rebound (she threw herself at you)
2) she isn't committal (not an even playing field)
3) she isn't responsive (that sounds like a flakey person at best)
Don't text her back anymore. You wished her merry xmas and she said nothing. That's weak. Say nothing and if she reaches out, keep it cool and casual.
Avoid this, even if she's on the fence/will get back to you later there's a high chance trying to be cute or funny over text will backfire on you. Waiting until she gets back to you would probably be the best option here.
Sorry she said more than "all good", I just quoted that bit as the bit where shes responding to her arranging a new date. Or at least I think it was.
KJRage
Member
Feel like a loser and bummed out. Just got back from just hanging out and playing some games with a good friend of mine. His fiance called him and she had been out with some friends. He was talking to her right next to me while I was playing and could hear everything she was saying. She asked who he was with and he said me. She immediately said "is he still a virgin?!"
My friend couldn't say anything to her except that I could hear what she said. She apologized but I know she was just sorry she got caught saying it. I'm not a virgin btw. I'm not a casanova by any stretch, but I've only been with a couple girls. I never really like to talk about anyone I slept with so I usually keep to myself about it. I have never had a long term relationship and my friend knows this so he has probably just thought I was and brought it up to her.
It just made me feel down thinking about them thinking how I'm some kind of loser. I'm just not good at holding conversations. Not just with girls, but most people. I don't approach a lot because I already know I have this problem going in, so I don't make much of an effort to meet girls. The few I have been with just kind of were in my small work/social circle already. My buddy and his fiance have tried before to introduce me to a girl or 2 but I either just wasn't into them or was just nervous about screwing it up. I hate giving off this shy or timid appearance to people (especially at my age of 31) and it just makes me feel like crap after seeing friends who are much more outgoing and successful meeting other girls.
Sorry for the rant. I know people on here have more serious issues they are dealing with, but I don't have anyone to talk to about these problems.
My friend couldn't say anything to her except that I could hear what she said. She apologized but I know she was just sorry she got caught saying it. I'm not a virgin btw. I'm not a casanova by any stretch, but I've only been with a couple girls. I never really like to talk about anyone I slept with so I usually keep to myself about it. I have never had a long term relationship and my friend knows this so he has probably just thought I was and brought it up to her.
It just made me feel down thinking about them thinking how I'm some kind of loser. I'm just not good at holding conversations. Not just with girls, but most people. I don't approach a lot because I already know I have this problem going in, so I don't make much of an effort to meet girls. The few I have been with just kind of were in my small work/social circle already. My buddy and his fiance have tried before to introduce me to a girl or 2 but I either just wasn't into them or was just nervous about screwing it up. I hate giving off this shy or timid appearance to people (especially at my age of 31) and it just makes me feel like crap after seeing friends who are much more outgoing and successful meeting other girls.
Sorry for the rant. I know people on here have more serious issues they are dealing with, but I don't have anyone to talk to about these problems.
She's not treating you with the interest you deserve. We're all busy. People make time for those they want to make time for.
It's perfectly plausible she can't make time for you right now or someone available like you. Let her do her thing and focus on yourself (don't wait).
Sorry but I've 'waited' and it's never gone right for me aside from having meaningless sex with a few of them.
That'd be fine with me tbh! I'm not saying I want her to be my gf, I just wanna see where it goes vs just letting it die.
Tbf I don't deserve anything, we know nothing about each other for her to care about me. We met in a club for like 30minutes.
But sure a stream of texts probably won't get me anywhere either. Balls in her court.
Conversation is a skill, you gotta practice it. That doesn't mean you need to be funny and interesting to all people at all times at any moment. It just means you can when you feel like it. I'm addressing the way you've resigned yourself to basically being a dull person.
There's are classes and groups that can encourage interactions and social skills. The more interactions you have the more they will be stored away for repeat use later on so it all becomes second nature. People are ok with you saying the same things over and over again as long as you radiate a sense of fun and lightheartedness. Don't try to be the funny guy, some people with difficulties try too hard and it annoys others.
It all boils down to being interested in other people. If you can't keep a conversation going it's probably cos you don't care about who you're talking to. Sometimes I have the same problem and if I really want to I can force myself to car and be interested and it helps me keep the small talk going in a politeness sense at least.
It would be really, really bad. I'm getting attached to people easily, so that's why I have problems just moving on from her, but I'm doing okay now.
Gray Matter
Member
Which part?
Miles Quaritch
Member
She's a cunt and this isn't the first time it's come up. I'd talk to your friend about this because she didn't just decide to call you a virgin by chance. She'll have mentioned it to him numerous times. Shit ain't right. You need to address that.
As for being shy. Easy workaround while you work on gaining some confidence, say you're more of a listener. Become someone who shows they are interested (genuinely interested) in other people. Everyone loves to talk about themselves, everyone loves it when they meet someone who is genuinely interested in listening to them and talks about things they've mentioned. You don't always have to be the one who does the talking, you can be the one who listens and slowly build up confidence by talking about mutual interests.
Just don't become a yes man who doesn't have his own voice. No-one wants someone who just agrees with everything they say. You need to hold to your morals/values and challenge anything you don't agree with,
Blackquill
Member
So tried Tinder again (lol), with better photos (most people say I look way better on these ones) but I don't really have matches, worst part of it, is that I paid Tinder plus and liked almost everyone (and that's a freaking lot). I have like 10 matches for way more girls liked (5000 at the very least) and I'm not even kidding. So have people there really high standards or the app isn't working well or I'm just not good looking ?
Second question, even with some effort I put into conversation, nobody respond to my messages, can I still hope for a response or completely forget about them ? (or find a way to converse again) Thanks !
Second question, even with some effort I put into conversation, nobody respond to my messages, can I still hope for a response or completely forget about them ? (or find a way to converse again) Thanks !
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
I'd say one message per person, if they don't respond, they're most likely not interested.
10/5,000 is worrying. Idk what your pictures/profile look like, so I can't really say what the problem is.
Blackquill
Member
idk I got way more matches with worse photos (used it one year ago and a few months ago) so that's really surprising. The strangest thing is that it is the first time I received a super likie on my profile ever and on the other hand I get way fewer matches
Miles Quaritch
Member
Reset the app/your account?
You need to it do every so often apparently. It's been mentioned here a few times, sadly I don't know the specifics.
You need to it do every so often apparently. It's been mentioned here a few times, sadly I don't know the specifics.
Blackquill
Member
How so, I need to reboot everything ?
Tinder algorithm factors in a lot of shit to determine when your profile pops up people swiping, or something like that. Reseting it, well seems to reset that. There's also weird shit like your profike being pushed up to front when you're in a new area. I'm not sure how far away the area has to be. At first I thought it was just swiping out of your radius but I've gotten huge boost just swiping in a part of my city 2 miles away
Bumble is like 20x worse in tha regard. Actively works against you from the first swipe it seems. I'm constantly reseting it. I figure you reset it, set it up your profile and then like wait a day and then swipe.
Thia is just what I've noticed, someone might actually have a more indepth answer.
Just use the delete option
Bumble is like 20x worse in tha regard. Actively works against you from the first swipe it seems. I'm constantly reseting it. I figure you reset it, set it up your profile and then like wait a day and then swipe.
Thia is just what I've noticed, someone might actually have a more indepth answer.
Just use the delete option
jadedm17
Member
Trust, communication and a planned end to the distance.
100 miles is nothing, but admittedly i wasnt in school when i did 130 every week to see my best friend Syracuse to Buffalo,Ny when he moved.
Skype and Facetime are great too. Make some dates together, or even just planned times to watch a Netflix movie together. (Skype/FT not required for those.)
Messofanego
Banned
Wife her.Spent the night at fresh GF's place again, first time I had to go to work from there.
She has a day off yet she woke up before me, breakfast / coffee was ready all set up... dayum I'm not letting this one go.
Blackquill
Member
So I need to delete my account which means I lose my tinder plus sub and my matches ?
Krauser Kat
Member
My girl is spending saturday to saturday at her parents in Austin because her work was shut down. She is stressing the fuck out down there.
Before the trip she was too stressed to have sex too. I thought she was just giving me the cold shoulder for whatever reason until i asked about it. To top it all off she is on call to rape counsel on the 1st and 2nd.
I really want to see her but i think she is going to need some of her own space, after her fam and maybe helping out some victims.
Before the trip she was too stressed to have sex too. I thought she was just giving me the cold shoulder for whatever reason until i asked about it. To top it all off she is on call to rape counsel on the 1st and 2nd.
I really want to see her but i think she is going to need some of her own space, after her fam and maybe helping out some victims.
You don't lose your plus sub, when I had it all I had to do was reactive it. You do lose your matches tho.
In the settings, scroll all the way down to reach the "delete account" prompt.
Okay dating-GAF, I feel like I'm ready to get back at it. I re-installed Tinder and used completely different pictures than before. So far, I only had 3 matches in 3 days. I realized that I don't really have good picture of myself, so I keep breaking my head over what pictures I should use.
My confidence isn't what it's supposed to be though. I've been working 6 days a week, I've got this cold that won't go away and my energy hasn't been a 100% for a while now. I only went out just the once on Christmas Eve in over a month. Did not have a good time. Lots of really good looking ladies out and about, but I just couldn't muster up the courage to go talk to any of them, even though plenty of eye contact was made. Even social interaction with people I already know, but don't see that often was really uneasy in general.
Come January, I'll be working 5 days a week again (fucking retail) and I hope it'll be a start to getting back to that 100% . For the time being, I've been planking at least 2 minutes a day for over 2 months now. I've noticed a little difference in my shoulders, abdomen and back but nothing world shocking. I'm trying No-fap ATM too, but it's only been a day so I can't really notice anything yet.
Any other mayor tips? I know working out is supposed to be a big thing, but I tried it in the past and it's just no damn fun to me. Finding time to do so is another hassle.
Blackquill
Member
Ok then i'll wait a little bit until I use it, thank you !
artsi
Member
Definitely the right material
There has to be some fault in her but I can't find it dammit.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I'm pretty sure this question was in the OT, but: what do you bring to the table? Please don't take this as unnecessarily harsh, but based upon your own words, you work infrequent hours in retail; you don't work out; you can go an entire month without social interaction (even with friends); and you're not skilled with talking to people.
How can you make yourself more desirable?
First off, it's great that you're dipping your toe into working out, but you need to make the time. Honestly, it's probably why you feel so sluggish. Do Stronglifts 5x5 (or something comparable), and you'll be out of the gym in 45 minutes. Lift hard, lift heavy, and GTFO. Pretty simple.
It's not just about taking good pictures. Pictures aren't the magic bullet. Don't you have friends that can snap pictures for you? I think you need to cultivate friendships before you try to manage a relationship. What are your long-term career goals? Before you ask out a girl, I want you to "ask out" a friend or two.
This is a process. It's a marathon, not a sprint.
Blackquill
Member
Also, how does tinder boost works ? When should I use it ?
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
It's like setting a lure at a pokestop
Blackquill
Member
oh now I understand i totally hahah thanks
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Yes, this is good advice. I'm going to add to it with my own experience. I was not good at conversation either unless it was a topic I was interested in and in my comfort zone games/movies/TV shows whatever.
One technique I worked on was to always ask a question in relation to what the other person has said. I based this on being interested in other people and they will be interested in you.
If the opener in a conversation someone says "I'm from "This" place" that gives you the following potential questions
Where is that?
What's it like there?
How long did you live there?
Are your family from there?
Of course it's just small talk and the goal is to keep the conversation combo going for as long as you can like a fighting game.
You can practice this on anyone friends, family, colleagues as the objective is not to get a girl but to be better at conversation. So there's no pressure and the more you do it the better you'll get at it and learn all the possible questions to all the common conversation points.
Then when you do find someone you like it will be a lot easier. Be interested in others and they will be interested in you. You don't need to be funny, interesting or have an amazing feature. Just learn to avoid stock empty responses "uh huh" "that's interesting" "sounds nice" give them something to respond to.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
So nearly completely screwed things up with the girl I'm seeing. Tend to rush things at the best of times, essentially got way too eager. We'd both had a lot to drink last night and had our first argument because I made a stupid comment.
I hate when the honeymoon period ends...
I hate when the honeymoon period ends...
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Getting mutually drunk fucked everything up in my last relationship. When we were sober we were happy af, but as soon as one of us said something dumb while we were drunk we fell of the deep end. Problem was we both liked drinking a tiny bit more than normal.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
No, you've already made plans, maybe next weekend.
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