Support NeoGAF

[names2hard4you]

After feeling a little down for a day or two because of the break up last week, I got over it rather quickly. Got a date lined up for tmrw, and maybe a second one with another girl in the works for after.

My Tinder-fu has become quite strong and even though I was off for 2 months, I didnt forget the lessons learned on the app. I had completely deleted my account when I got in a relationship and all it took was a week to get back on board.

To the folks who come here and say they give up on Tinder after a while, do not do it. I still remember when I started and would get 0 matches for days on end. You gotta keep experimenting with your profile until one day it all clicks and you understand "the science" behind it. Because there is a science to how you display yourself, along with your description message. Now they even let you put up your favourite music from Spotify. Got a cool thing going with a girl on there simply because I put one of Cudi's new songs on there.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I was seeing this girl for like a month, we met up like twice for movies it went right and we talked quite a lot during that time. Then I went to Canada for a week and I asked her if she was using tinder she said she deleted it and not to worry about it. Couple days ago just curios I checked up her profile and it was updated with a new description and news pics and I got supper pissed. It made me feel like a plan b and told her that and she apologize about it but til this day i say something and dlesbt reply and I know she is online on whatssap cus I can see last time online and she goes online quite often.

I am done trying for this girl and just gotta focus on my weigh loss and going to the gym

:/

2 dates and you're already profile creeping? Not a good look bruh.

At least you're ripping it at the gym though!

 

[Xun]

Oh 100% I am saying see other girls.

It's great you are having new experiences and enjoying this time. I think that is awesome. I just dont want you to develop oneitis. This is a cool girl you enjoy spendimg time with but there are also lots of other cool people out there so while trying to keep this thing going if its good also dont completely shut yourself out to other prospects. Just relax and go with the flow.

Most definitely.

Once I know how my health is doing in the next few weeks I'll get right back into it and go with the flow.

I probably wouldn't of been able to meet up with the American girl for the next few weeks anyway (she has a lot on), so I'll have some fun and play the field. I owe it to myself for some much needed experience and sanity.

I don't think that's a UK thing. I'm British, and meet quite a few girls until I figure out who's right for me. I know the girls do that too, and it's fine. Because that one person won't be available every week to meet. Of course, don't be all "oh btw I've got another date coming up". Don't be that honest haha!

I should've rephrased that post, but I meant sleeping with multiple people whilst dating and not being upfront about it from the start.

Going on dates back to back is simply the nature of the beast (especially with online dating) and its something I've done before. I just guessed when it came down to sex people would typically stick to one person at a time unless it was established it was casual from the start. I was simply naive about it all.

Knowing what I know now certainly changes things...

 

[stn]

I was seeing this girl for like a month, we met up like twice for movies it went right and we talked quite a lot during that time. Then I went to Canada for a week and I asked her if she was using tinder she said she deleted it and not to worry about it. Couple days ago just curios I checked up her profile and it was updated with a new description and news pics and I got supper pissed. It made me feel like a plan b and told her that and she apologize about it but til this day i say something and dlesbt reply and I know she is online on whatssap cus I can see last time online and she goes online quite often.

I am done trying for this girl and just gotta focus on my weigh loss and going to the gym

Don't do that... ever. A girl does not want to date her dad, lol. Which is what you end up being if you lecture her on having Tinder and whatever else. You only saw each other twice in one month if I understand correctly, that's not nearly enough if things are going right. She was keeping her options open the whole time.

Your reaction should be the following. A girl you're seeing has Tinder? Either giving her reason not to use it through dating her, or accept that she doesn't like you enough to delete it. Either way, never resort to what you did.

 

[gaiages]

Haha, Miles is going ham in the emotional day thread. We might lose him for a while again 🙃

(it's a relationship esque thread, I swear I'm not off topic)

 

[LucidMomentum]

Haha, Miles is going ham in the emotional day thread. We might lose him for a while again 🙃

(it's a relationship esque thread, I swear I'm not off topic)

That thread just proves I don't understand shit about people.

Xun, iBlue, et al. - if you ain't cool with a gal seeing / sleeping with other people be honest about it. She'll either drop you like a rock because she's not ready to be exclusive, or she'll be into the idea of being exclusive.

Don't beat about the bush asking those types of loaded questions. You either assume the other person is free to do whatever until you have the exclusivity talk and you don't let it get to you, or you ask those types of questions that make you seem insecure at best, and controlling at worst.

 

[iBlue]

Don't do that... ever. A girl does not want to date her dad, lol. Which is what you end up being if you lecture her on having Tinder and whatever else. You only saw each other twice in one month if I understand correctly, that's not nearly enough if things are going right. She was keeping her options open the whole time.

Your reaction should be the following. A girl you're seeing has Tinder? Either giving her reason not to use it through dating her, or accept that she doesn't like you enough to delete it. Either way, never resort to what you did.

We met on tinder actually its just that she asked me after the first date If I still have it and I said I deleted it which I did. What pissed my off is her lying to be about not using it and not to worry. She has a kid so that's a turn off to me somehow so its not a big loss if we stop talking

I know it sounds like her dad but the way we talked about stuff it seemed long term she even said stuff like let's go to my sisters wedding in 2 years or let's travel here after school etc.

I told her if I ever feel like a plan b again I am out.

 

[ViewtifulJC]

delete the gym, hit up the lawyer, and facebook up, friends

 

[Messofanego]

Most definitely.

Once I know how my health is doing in the next few weeks I'll get right back into it and go with the flow.

I probably wouldn't of been able to meet up with the American girl for the next few weeks anyway (she has a lot on), so I'll have some fun and play the field. I owe it to myself for some much needed experience and sanity.

I should've rephrased that post, but I meant sleeping with multiple people whilst dating and not being upfront about it from the start.

Going on dates back to back is simply the nature of the beast (especially with online dating) and its something I've done before. I just guessed when it came down to sex people would typically stick to one person at a time unless it was established it was casual from the start. I was simply naive about it all.

Knowing what I know now certainly changes things...

Oh ok, sex makes it a different ballpark...unless if everyone is polyamorous

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Haha, Miles is going ham in the emotional day thread. We might lose him for a while again 🙃

(it's a relationship esque thread, I swear I'm not off topic)

Fam that thread is crazy as fuck. I cant even grasp . . . Like what?

 

[names2hard4you]

Personally I think going on dates with multiple people is fine. In the end you are just meeting people. Now, getting intimate with multiple people at a time, although it is each one's prerogative, ain't for me.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Personally I think going on dates with multiple people is fine. In the end you are just meeting people. Now, getting intimate with multiple people at a time, although it is each one's prerogative, ain't for me.

Slippery slope honestly. There is no right answer.

It's the type of thing where people wanna know but most people also really are not going to be okay with it. Which in the same breath its like, unless you are actually bf/gf should I have to turn down sex with someone else while neither of us have made a real committment.

That is basically in a realationship territory at that point. Situation sucks ass.

 

[Xun]

Oh ok, sex makes it a different ballpark...unless if everyone is polyamorous

I should've been more specific with what I meant.

That thread just proves I don't understand shit about people.

Xun, iBlue, et al. - if you ain't cool with a gal seeing / sleeping with other people be honest about it. She'll either drop you like a rock because she's not ready to be exclusive, or she'll be into the idea of being exclusive.

Don't beat about the bush asking those types of loaded questions. You either assume the other person is free to do whatever until you have the exclusivity talk and you don't let it get to you, or you ask those types of questions that make you seem insecure at best, and controlling at worst.

Haha, why do you think I brought this up in the first place? I want to play the field a bit.

I realise I grew too attached to that one girl too soon, so I wanted to step back a bit. Not only that but I lack a lot of experience so it'll be good for my well-being.

I just (wrongly) assumed you'd need to be upfront about it from the get-go, that's all.

 

[names2hard4you]

Slippery slope honestly. There is no right answer.

It's the type of thing where people wanna know but most people also really are not going to be okay with it. Which in the same breath its like, unless you are actually bf/gf should I have to turn down sex with someone else while neither of us have made a real committment.

That is basically in a realationship territory at that point. Situation sucks ass.

This is a good question with no right answer like you said, but I actually do it for myself, not the other person(s) as selfish as it may sound. I work by a set of morals that may sound lame and restrictive to others, but leave me at peace internally - in the end I date with the goal of finding someone one day, so that's me, this can be different for others who are looking for something more casual.

Would I be happy if I knew the other person was sleeping with others while I wasn't due to my morals? I probably wouldn't yeah. But that would just mean I would have to turn the page and go on to someone else that is on the same wavelength as me on this regard.

I had a date with a girl not too long ago that moved from Montreal to Toronto for work. She seemed to be ambitious, have the right attitude and all that. When we met, she had been in the city for 6 weeks. At one point during out date she mentioned sleeping with multiple guys during her stay up until that day. I laughed it off, but that right there told me I was just going to be another number for her tally. We drank, had fun that night, and then I moved on.

 

[Krauser Kat]

i have leapfrogged with sex before and its slippery slope for sure.

I didnt like it much. if i had slept with someone and then went on a date and things got hot and i went through with it.

i usually broke it off with the older person and kept moving on, unless the sex with the new person was awful.

 

[Blackquill]

There is a girl I like quite a bit I see at the gym a lot, we are both going there regurlarly but never talked to, I want to but do know if this is good idea and how can I do that :/

 

[names2hard4you]

There is a girl I like quite a bit I see at the gym a lot, we are both going there regurlarly but never talked to, I want to but do know if this is good idea and how can I do that :/

Bad idea. You are both sweaty, tired and in "the zone", specially if listening to music. Approach her before going in or after. You are just messing up her gains by interrupting her workout. I am not a girl, but I'm pretty sure almost everyone in the gym just wants their space so they can workout in peace.

 

[LucidMomentum]

There is a girl I like quite a bit I see at the gym a lot, we are both going there regurlarly but never talked to, I want to but do know if this is good idea and how can I do that :/

1. You're attracted to her but have never talked to her. I don't think you "like" her just yet.

2. The gym is an odd place. It's a public space where most people act as if it's a private space. I've always found it a bit odd to go approach someone at the gym.

3. If you want to, Just go say hi. Tell her you see her at the gym every so often, and if she ever needs help with weights or anything to let you know. That's a good in. Or you can ask her to spot you or work you through an exercise or something. Something you both have in common is being at the gym.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

There is a girl I like quite a bit I see at the gym a lot, we are both going there regurlarly but never talked to, I want to but do know if this is good idea and how can I do that :/

1) You dont like her. You dont know anything about her. You think she's cute.

2) As a semi avid gym goer honestly dont approach. Women do not enjoy being hit on at the gym. They get stared at enough as it is. No need to elevate it to the next level

One time I was there there was a girl struggling mightily to adjust a bench beside where I was doing an exercise. In my head I was like "I could ask her if she needs help . . . Or I could just leave her be". After like a minute or two of no success she gave up and went to another bench. For reference it was just a lil stuck. I used it after.

Sometimes you just gotta make an executive decision to leave people be. The gym is one of those places.

 

[Blackquill]

Yeah my wording was poor, sorry about that guys, guess I'll just leave her then

 

[Baron von Loathsome]

So, during the last spring semester at my university, I befriended and developed a crush on my classmate. We just had so much in common and so much to talk about, hanging out with her never got old. Near the end of the semester, I admitted I had feelings for her, but it turned out that she had a boyfriend. She let me down gently, and we've continued to be close friends in the month since, chatting in person and over texts regularly during the fall semester. She's made it very clear how much she values me as a friend, and I've naturally reciprocated the sentiment.

She likes to post fan art, and she links to her Tumblr and Deviantart profiles with that art. In the past few days, on a whim, I decided to give her Tumblr a look.

Her profile picture is the two of us together, and she also posted it with a comment about how I just walked into her life one day and about how much I mean to her as a friend. I found that incredibly flattering and validating. However, I've also noticed that, in the past few months, she's been posting updates about how she feels romantically torn lately, how she's been developing intense feelings for a friend, and she doesn't know what to do. And I'd give this the benefit of the doubt, but one of the most recent updates of this nature more or less matches the description she gave to me, about how this friend just walked into her life and she felt drawn towards him.

For starters, I feel like a creep, because I feel like I shouldn't be looking at these posts, like I'm violating a safe space of hers. I've haven't asked her about these posts, either. That by itself gives me a lot of pause. But there's also the fact that she's still in a relationship. I hate the notion of being a homewrecker, especially when the man in the relationship is someone I've never met. Additionally, from what little I've heard about him lately, he's been having a pretty bad holiday, so I don't want to make things worse for him.

 

[Ray Wonder]

So, during the last spring semester at my university, I befriended and developed a crush on my classmate. We just had so much in common and so much to talk about, hanging out with her never got old. Near the end of the semester, I admitted I had feelings for her, but it turned out that she had a boyfriend. She let me down gently, and we've continued to be close friends in the month since, chatting in person and over texts regularly during the fall semester. She's made it very clear how much she values me as a friend, and I've naturally reciprocated the sentiment.

She likes to post fan art, and she links to her Tumblr and Deviantart profiles with that art. In the past few days, on a whim, I decided to give her Tumblr a look.

Her profile picture is the two of us together, and she also posted it with a comment about how I just walked into her life one day and about how much I mean to her as a friend. I found that incredibly flattering and validating. However, I've also noticed that, in the past few months, she's been posting updates about how she feels romantically torn lately, how she's been developing intense feelings for a friend, and she doesn't know what to do. And I'd give this the benefit of the doubt, but one of the most recent updates of this nature more or less matches the description she gave to me, about how this friend just walked into her life and she felt drawn towards him.

For starters, I feel like a creep, because I feel like I shouldn't be looking at these posts, like I'm violating a safe space of hers. I've haven't asked her about these posts, either. That by itself gives me a lot of pause. But there's also the fact that she's still in a relationship. I hate the notion of being a homewrecker, especially when the man in the relationship is someone I've never met. Additionally, from what little I've heard about him lately, he's been having a pretty bad holiday, so I don't want to make things worse for him.

Not much you can do besides either ride it out as her friend, and maybe she'll tell you she's single one day, or cut her off for the sake of dude's holiday spirit.

I'd def not saying anything about being a creep.

 

[LucidMomentum]

For starters, I feel like a creep, because I feel like I shouldn't be looking at these posts, like I'm violating a safe space of hers. I've haven't asked her about these posts, either. That by itself gives me a lot of pause. But there's also the fact that she's still in a relationship. I hate the notion of being a homewrecker, especially when the man in the relationship is someone I've never met. Additionally, from what little I've heard about him lately, he's been having a pretty bad holiday, so I don't want to make things worse for him.

If you feel you're getting to a point where reading that stuff would then influence you to be a homewrecker, then back away from it and forget about it.

You don't want to be the guy to ruin a relationship just to try and replace the other guy.
If she has feelings for you and breaks up with the other guy, then you can see where to go from there.

But don't plan for it, to plan to cause the breakup, and don't be her "friend" if that's your only goal after finding this out. Won't go well.

 

[Baron von Loathsome]

Not much you can do besides either ride it out as her friend, and maybe she'll tell you she's single one day, or cut her off for the sake of dude's holiday spirit.

I'd def not saying anything about being a creep.

I guess I'll try to forget it. Speaking just platonically, she's too valuable a friend for me to just cut off like that, and vice versa.

If you feel you're getting to a point where reading that stuff would then influence you to be a homewrecker, then back away from it and forget about it.

You don't want to be the guy to ruin a relationship just to try and replace the other guy.
If she has feelings for you and breaks up with the other guy, then you can see where to go from there.

But don't plan for it, to plan to cause the breakup, and don't be her "friend" if that's your only goal after finding this out. Won't go well.

I don't feel any urge to start any shit like that.

 

[No_Style]

Anyone else have issues getting SMS verification for Tinder? I wanted to reset my account but now I can't get the code to activate. I had to use Bluestacks and an old APK the first time around but now that workaround doesn't work either... Frustrating.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

If they boyfriend is a long distance relationship just wait it out and see what happen, BUT be aware you'll be the rebound guy so you wont be in a strong position.

 

[GK86]

Anyone else have issues getting SMS verification for Tinder? I wanted to reset my account but now I can't get the code to activate. I had to use Bluestacks and an old APK the first time around but now that workaround doesn't work either... Frustrating.

Are you using a dummy Facebook account?

I had troubles with the SMS when I tried signing up with the dummy account.

 

[BLOODED_hands]

So hopefully you guys/gals remembered my story, right? Here is the update:

Well, I think I figured out why my sister's friend gave her my number. I was being set up as the rebound. Ever since she came back from her vacation she started being distant and often posted about her ex on IG.

Welp, bye Felicia. I'm not trying to be no rebound, fam.

What a nice way to end 2016 for me 👌

Happy belated birthday to me, I guess.

 

[ameratsu]

Anyone else have issues getting SMS verification for Tinder? I wanted to reset my account but now I can't get the code to activate. I had to use Bluestacks and an old APK the first time around but now that workaround doesn't work either... Frustrating.

Are you getting the code at all? I wasn't getting the SMS with the code on my Canadian number, so I activated it with an American friend's number, who actually got the SMS with the code. Nothing else seemed to work for me.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Yeah my wording was poor, sorry about that guys, guess I'll just leave her then

Prob for the best brah. Plenty of fish in the see.

So, during the last spring semester at my university, I befriended and developed a crush on my classmate. We just had so much in common and so much to talk about, hanging out with her never got old. Near the end of the semester, I admitted I had feelings for her, but it turned out that she had a boyfriend.

2 things.

1) How the fuck do people claim they are close friends with someone and then not know something so fundamental? I never get this. 4 months passed and you only found out when . . . .

2) you confessed feelings? Why is this like always a thing? Do you really need to come out and put the feels on the table? Why not make moves or ask for a date if you want to extend interest? Why is it always "here better put myself in an emotionally vulnerabe position so she knows I like her". In the future don't do this.

Damn fuck. End rant

She let me down gently, and we've continued to be close friends in the month since, chatting in person and over texts regularly during the fall semester. She's made it very clear how much she values me as a friend, and I've naturally reciprocated the sentiment.

I doubt that but anyway

She likes to post fan art, and she links to her Tumblr and Deviantart profiles with that art. In the past few days, on a whim, I decided to give her Tumblr a look.

Her profile picture is the two of us together, and she also posted it with a comment about how I just walked into her life one day and about how much I mean to her as a friend. I found that incredibly flattering and validating. However, I've also noticed that, in the past few months, she's been posting updates about how she feels romantically torn lately, how she's been developing intense feelings for a friend, and she doesn't know what to do. And I'd give this the benefit of the doubt, but one of the most recent updates of this nature more or less matches the description she gave to me, about how this friend just walked into her life and she felt drawn towards him.

This is weird of her honestly. I find of public declarations of friendship and "I'm so lucky blah blah blah" post lame but this is full blown girl just inviting trouble.

For starters, I feel like a creep, because I feel like I shouldn't be looking at these posts, like I'm violating a safe space of hers.

Lol fuck no. If she wants to have a safe space no one reads buy a diary or make a Word document. The internet, let alone Tumblr is not some safe space that no one is suppose to see.

I've haven't asked her about these posts, either.

Good, you aren't gonna say anything either, don't touch that shit with a 10 foot pole.

That by itself gives me a lot of pause. But there's also the fact that she's still in a relationship. I hate the notion of being a homewrecker, especially when the man in the relationship is someone I've never met. Additionally, from what little I've heard about him lately, he's been having a pretty bad holiday, so I don't want to make things worse for him.

That's good you don't wanna wreck their shit. But also realize, being a homewrecker never actually works out for that person either. You're whole relationship is tainted by that shit and it's just poison. Even forgetting him, you inject yourself in there and its gg son.

You need to just pull back on how much you interact with her. Still talk but like, direct some of that attention in other positive potentially fruitful things. This girl, it's going no where.

 

[amanset]

The problem with homewrecking is, apart from the moral issue, is that if someone will cheat on someone to be with you, don't be surprised if they cheat on you to be with someone else.

 

[Phantom Liber]

The problem with homewrecking is, apart from the moral issue, is that if someone will cheat on someone to be with you, don't be surprised if they cheat on you to be with someone else.

Amen on that one.

Now for my own question here...I met a girl at work a couple weeks ago, we seemed to mesh so I asked her to see Rogue One, which was accepted and we've exchanged numbers and are on again, off again via text. But...between a relative of mine being ill and her father being ill we've not yet connected and we last left off saying we'd reconnect after Christmas to see how things looked for this weekend.

I sent a message on Tuesday to ask about the weekend and have not yet had reply. I ask for thoughts or wisdom on my thought of simply seeing if reply comes and leaving things alone for now. From my point of view, if she's interested, she'll reply. If she doesn't reply...I don't have time right now to chase and that could be telling anyway.

 

[No_Style]

Are you using a dummy Facebook account?

I had troubles with the SMS when I tried signing up with the dummy account.

Nope. It's my real account.

Are you getting the code at all? I wasn't getting the SMS with the code on my Canadian number, so I activated it with an American friend's number, who actually got the SMS with the code. Nothing else seemed to work for me.

I have a Canadian number as well. Hmm... Maybe that's the culprit? Any friendly American want to PM me their number so I can try? I promise not to send lewd pics. I don't believe I'll try today because I've exhausted my "Resend Code" attempts for 24 hours so maybe some time tomorrow at this time, I'll give it a go.

 

[Baron von Loathsome]

1) How the fuck do people claim they are close friends with someone and then not know something so fundamental? I never get this. 4 months passed and you only found out when . . . .

She almost never brings him up.

2) you confessed feelings? Why is this like always a thing? Do you really need to come out and put the feels on the table? Why not make moves or ask for a date if you want to extend interest? Why is it always "here better put myself in an emotionally vulnerabe position so she knows I like her". In the future don't do this.

Damn fuck. End rant



I doubt that but anyway



This is weird of her honestly. I find of public declarations of friendship and "I'm so lucky blah blah blah" post lame but this is full blown girl just inviting trouble.



Lol fuck no. If she wants to have a safe space no one reads buy a diary or make a Word document. The internet, let alone Tumblr is not some safe space that no one is suppose to see.



Good, you aren't gonna say anything either, don't touch that shit with a 10 foot pole.



That's good you don't wanna wreck their shit. But also realize, being a homewrecker never actually works out for that person either. You're whole relationship is tainted by that shit and it's just poison. Even forgetting him, you inject yourself in there and its gg son.

You need to just pull back on how much you interact with her. Still talk but like, direct some of that attention in other positive potentially fruitful things. This girl, it's going no where.

Thanks, I really do appreciate the advice.

 

[Llyranor]

Amen on that one.

Now for my own question here...I met a girl at work a couple weeks ago, we seemed to mesh so I asked her to see Rogue One, which was accepted and we've exchanged numbers and are on again, off again via text. But...between a relative of mine being ill and her father being ill we've not yet connected and we last left off saying we'd reconnect after Christmas to see how things looked for this weekend.

I sent a message on Tuesday to ask about the weekend and have not yet had reply. I ask for thoughts or wisdom on my thought of simply seeing if reply comes and leaving things alone for now. From my point of view, if she's interested, she'll reply. If she doesn't reply...I don't have time right now to chase and that could be telling anyway.

1) As you say, if she's interested, she'll reply. Leave it at that.
2) Maybe she found out you are related and freaked out.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

She almost never brings him up.

It seems strange to me that close friends never had 1 conversation in 4 months that would spell out "I'm seeing someone".

But hey that is just me

Thanks, I really do appreciate the advice.

Np. This girl is bad news bears man. Just keep good distance.

 

[Gartooth]

So I'm about to try my first break up from online dating. Its a girl I have known for a month and a half and we went on 3 dates. The last time I saw her in person was near the start of the month. Since then we have been texting, but her responses have been pretty short and the last time we talked was over a week ago.

I think what's going on here is mutual ghosting since we both lost interest, but I figure I should just make it official. Should I just send a quick polite text to break it up since it wasn't serious? The two of us never called each other on the phone, and I don't want to go through with setting up a "break-up" date for something that was never serious.

 

[TimeEffect]

Can I ask for some of u folks to rate my pics? I known theres a thread for it but Id like to send a PM and ask for advice on some other small stuff too

 

[Incendiary]

So, during the last spring semester at my university, I befriended and developed a crush on my classmate. We just had so much in common and so much to talk about, hanging out with her never got old. Near the end of the semester, I admitted I had feelings for her, but it turned out that she had a boyfriend. She let me down gently, and we've continued to be close friends in the month since, chatting in person and over texts regularly during the fall semester. She's made it very clear how much she values me as a friend, and I've naturally reciprocated the sentiment.

She likes to post fan art, and she links to her Tumblr and Deviantart profiles with that art. In the past few days, on a whim, I decided to give her Tumblr a look.

Her profile picture is the two of us together, and she also posted it with a comment about how I just walked into her life one day and about how much I mean to her as a friend. I found that incredibly flattering and validating. However, I've also noticed that, in the past few months, she's been posting updates about how she feels romantically torn lately, how she's been developing intense feelings for a friend, and she doesn't know what to do. And I'd give this the benefit of the doubt, but one of the most recent updates of this nature more or less matches the description she gave to me, about how this friend just walked into her life and she felt drawn towards him.

For starters, I feel like a creep, because I feel like I shouldn't be looking at these posts, like I'm violating a safe space of hers. I've haven't asked her about these posts, either. That by itself gives me a lot of pause. But there's also the fact that she's still in a relationship. I hate the notion of being a homewrecker, especially when the man in the relationship is someone I've never met. Additionally, from what little I've heard about him lately, he's been having a pretty bad holiday, so I don't want to make things worse for him.

I had something similar happen a looooong time ago in high school, before internet blogs were a thing. I accidentally walked in on my good friend having a conversation with another friend of hers and caught the tail end of her saying she liked her boyfriend but was starting to develop feelings for me and wasn't sure what to do.

I was blown away because I was just being myself and being her friend with no ulterior motive. So I just kept doing that and didn't mention it at all. Over the summer she ended up breaking up with her bf on her own and we end up semi-dating for all of the next year.

Moral of the story is - if she's actually developing feelings for you, she will break up with her bf of her own accord. You just keep doing exactly what you've been doing, which is being her friend with no ulterior motives.

 

[Llyranor]

So I'm about to try my first break up from online dating. Its a girl I have known for a month and a half and we went on 3 dates. The last time I saw her in person was near the start of the month. Since then we have been texting, but her responses have been pretty short and the last time we talked was over a week ago.

I think what's going on here is mutual ghosting since we both lost interest, but I figure I should just make it official. Should I just send a quick polite text to break it up since it wasn't serious? The two of us never called each other on the phone, and I don't want to go through with setting up a "break-up" date for something that was never serious.

This isn't a break-up. You're not even dating.

 

[FyreWulff]

So I'm about to try my first break up from online dating. Its a girl I have known for a month and a half and we went on 3 dates. The last time I saw her in person was near the start of the month. Since then we have been texting, but her responses have been pretty short and the last time we talked was over a week ago.

I think what's going on here is mutual ghosting since we both lost interest, but I figure I should just make it official. Should I just send a quick polite text to break it up since it wasn't serious? The two of us never called each other on the phone, and I don't want to go through with setting up a "break-up" date for something that was never serious.

there's nothing to break up. just move on

 

[ZackieChan]

So hopefully you guys/gals remembered my story, right? Here is the update:



Happy belated birthday to me, I guess.

I'd rather be a rebound than nothing. But if you're looking for something serious, then I guess that's an understandable concern. There's not rule, though, that a relationship that happens after a breakup has to be bad, short, or not serious. It's just more likely, I suppose.

 

[iBlue]

I dunno why people think I am being crazy just for "stalking" her after a couple dates and getting mad about her being on tinder.

First of all we met on tinder, after the first date she asked me if I am gonna continue using it which I say won't and she said the same thing then I went on a trip and asked her about it and said " deleted already don't worry about " wat I was pissed about was that she lied to my face about closing it or not. I dunno about you but no girl is gonna play me for a fool. Also she talked about stuff way into the future like planning shit and stuff that's why I felt kinda betrayed.

As other folks said here, if a girl doesn't initiate contact or at least try she is not interested period. Done trying to have something with this girl

 

[ZackieChan]

Because it's a level of investment and investigation that is way out of line with two dates. But her talking about stuff years into the future was weird, too. Would have made me run for the hills, tbh.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

I dunno why people think I am being crazy just for "stalking" her after a couple dates and getting mad about her being on tinder.

First of all we met on tinder, after the first date she asked me if I am gonna continue using it which I say won't and she said the same thing then I went on a trip and asked her about it and said " deleted already don't worry about " wat I was pissed about was that she lied to my face about closing it or not. I dunno about you but no girl is gonna play me for a fool. Also she talked about stuff way into the future like planning shit and stuff that's why I felt kinda betrayed.

As other folks said here, if a girl doesn't initiate contact or at least try she is not interested period. Done trying to have something with this girl

You talked about exclusivity after one date? That's ridiculous. And then you went on a trip afterwards? It's unsurprising that she kept her options open. Don't know your timeline here, which obviously affects things (as in, mid-week trip is different from one that lasts a few weeks), but... you've no right to feel "betrayed."

You went out once, maybe she deleted Tinder or maybe she installed it again during your trip, but neither of you had the exclusivity conversation, and so talks about "let's maybe do something in the future" offend you?

I agree with your sentiments: move on, because for whatever reason, you guys didn't vibe at the same pace.

 

[iBlue]

You talked about exclusivity after one date? That's ridiculous. And then you went on a trip afterwards? It's unsurprising that she kept her options open. Don't know your timeline here, which obviously affects things (as in, mid-week trip is different from one that lasts a few weeks), but... you've no right to feel "betrayed."

You went out once, maybe she deleted Tinder or maybe she installed it again during your trip, but neither of you had the exclusivity conversation, and so talks about "let's maybe do something in the future" offend you?

I agree with your sentiments: move on, because for whatever reason, you guys didn't vibe at the same pace.

She was the one who was talking about exclusivity. Went on 2 dates actually (banged her on the second one)

 

[Miles Quaritch]

So I'm about to try my first break up from online dating. Its a girl I have known for a month and a half and we went on 3 dates. The last time I saw her in person was near the start of the month. Since then we have been texting, but her responses have been pretty short and the last time we talked was over a week ago.

I think what's going on here is mutual ghosting since we both lost interest, but I figure I should just make it official. Should I just send a quick polite text to break it up since it wasn't serious? The two of us never called each other on the phone, and I don't want to go through with setting up a "break-up" date for something that was never serious.

You went on three dates. There's nothing to breakup from. You had literally nothing between you. Don't send her anything.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I dunno why people think I am being crazy just for "stalking" her after a couple dates and getting mad about her being on tinder.

First of all we met on tinder, after the first date she asked me if I am gonna continue using it which I say won't and she said the same thing then I went on a trip and asked her about it and said " deleted already don't worry about " wat I was pissed about was that she lied to my face about closing it or not. I dunno about you but no girl is gonna play me for a fool. Also she talked about stuff way into the future like planning shit and stuff that's why I felt kinda betrayed.

As other folks said here, if a girl doesn't initiate contact or at least try she is not interested period. Done trying to have something with this girl

What kind of stuff was she talking about? And if you feel so slighted by her lying, move on.

You say you won't be played for a fool but according to you, she's already played you for one...

 

[Loki]

I would love to see what anyone who lives in the NYC area and actually has success on Tinder looks like. I swipe right on everyone, yet only get perhaps one match every 2-4 weeks, and the girls who match me are *well* below me in terms of looks. It's crazy.

I know the obvious response is "you must not look as good as you think you do," but that would be an incorrect assumption. I do look a lot better in real life than in pics (many girls have told me this), but my pics are still in the 7.5 range. Yet the one or two girls per month (per month!) that I match with are in the 5-6 range. And I'm swiping right on hundreds of people when I'm watching TV and stuff lol. It's bizarre. I'd love to see what someone who fairly frequently matches with girls who are 7+ looks like.

 

[Miles Quaritch]

Haha, Miles is going ham in the emotional day thread. We might lose him for a while again 🙃

(it's a relationship esque thread, I swear I'm not off topic)

That fucking thread....