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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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M

M52B28

Banned
I'm already seeing Valentine's day stuff coming out on store shelves. Fuck the holiday.

I'm not being bitter, I just find it completely forced.

As for names on dating profiles, I don't list mine, though I should at least use my first n. Listing your full name is a no go. There's too many ways that could go wrong.
 
S

Salamando

Member
Servbot24 said:
There's a girl I've been messaging on OKC the last couple days who doesn't move to my city for 2 weeks. Anyone ever had this sort of situation work out? Keeping messages going on OKC for 2 weeks is probably impossible, so I'll see if we can take it to text tomorrow.
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Don't text for two weeks straight. 3-4 convos before her arrival will be plenty (and some would argue too much).

When she does get there, you have dates that are just begging to be set up. She's new to your city, so show it to her!
 
E

Etrian Oddity

Member
So my takeaway from this weekend is that I need to wear a nice jacket/suit to get attention from girls. Two nights in a row I wore a classy old houndstooth jacket, and both nights I had randos come up to me. Granted, one needed to be the center of attention and hit on every single guy at the bar; and another a girl came up to me both times her first-Tinder-date went to the restroom, so neither would really be deemed keepers...but at least I know if I clean up I'm somewhat appealing.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
Etrian Oddity said:
So my takeaway from this weekend is that I need to wear a nice jacket/suit to get attention from girls. Two nights in a row I wore a classy old houndstooth jacket, and both nights I had randos come up to me. Granted, one needed to be the center of attention and hit on every single guy at the bar; and another a girl came up to me both times her first-Tinder-date went to the restroom, so neither would really be deemed keepers...but at least I know if I clean up I'm somewhat appealing.
Click to expand...

No.

Your takeaway is that if you dress well, you look more attractive. So, dress better. Follow this guide: https://ashleyweston.com/mens-wardrobe-essentials/.

Your second takeaway is that you need to own it and not call it "somewhat appealing."
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
ZackieChan said:
I just bought some blue slim fit chinos. Stylin' like a mug. Just gotta lose 30 lbs and regrow hair
Click to expand...
mHM3DMk.gif
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
Etrian Oddity said:
So my takeaway from this weekend is that I need to wear a nice jacket/suit to get attention from girls. Two nights in a row I wore a classy old houndstooth jacket, and both nights I had randos come up to me. Granted, one needed to be the center of attention and hit on every single guy at the bar; and another a girl came up to me both times her first-Tinder-date went to the restroom, so neither would really be deemed keepers...but at least I know if I clean up I'm somewhat appealing.
Click to expand...

The 1st girl was talking to anyone and you attribute that to the jacket?

You should be dressing better anyway when your in dating mode. Its not a revelation.
 
M

M52B28

Banned
Advocatus Diaboli said:
No.

Your takeaway is that if you dress well, you look more attractive. So, dress better. Follow this guide: https://ashleyweston.com/mens-wardrobe-essentials/.

Your second takeaway is that you need to own it and not call it "somewhat appealing."
Click to expand...
Yep. For a while, I was dressing like absolute crap. Shirts didn't fit me well, my clothes were destroyed by my job having stains etc.

I made a thread about dressing like shit, and in it I talked about getting all brand new clothing. I spent $500 on clothing and I have a lot more confidence, especially doing just every day tasks.

I learned that you should always look presentable I went out with friends and I easily out dressed them.

Also, those H&M essentials shirts are a grace for my arms. They fit my biceps not too loose, not too snug.
 
jadedm17

jadedm17

Member
Etrian Oddity said:
So my takeaway from this weekend is that I need to wear a nice jacket/suit to get attention from girls. Two nights in a row I wore a classy old houndstooth jacket, and both nights I had randos come up to me. Granted, one needed to be the center of attention and hit on every single guy at the bar; and another a girl came up to me both times her first-Tinder-date went to the restroom, so neither would really be deemed keepers...but at least I know if I clean up I'm somewhat appealing.
Click to expand...

My ninja turtle track jacket has had compliments every time i wore it, which is over 50 times at this point; Dressing well - such as clothes your actual size - goes a long way to stand out from the masses.
 
N

names2hard4you

Member
ZackieChan said:
I just bought some blue slim fit chinos. Stylin' like a mug. Just gotta lose 30 lbs and regrow hair
Click to expand...
My plan is to embrace it when my hair starts falling out. Which could be at any moment, that's how these things work. I'll rock a shaved head with a dope beard so people have something to look at that isn't my eyebrows.
 
stn

stn

Member
Etrian Oddity said:
So my takeaway from this weekend is that I need to wear a nice jacket/suit to get attention from girls. Two nights in a row I wore a classy old houndstooth jacket, and both nights I had randos come up to me. Granted, one needed to be the center of attention and hit on every single guy at the bar; and another a girl came up to me both times her first-Tinder-date went to the restroom, so neither would really be deemed keepers...but at least I know if I clean up I'm somewhat appealing.
Click to expand...
You should always clean up regardless. There are lots of pics I've seen of GAF'ers where they'd be quite attractive if they just shaved, cut their hair, or changed their style just a bit.
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
How do you deal with the unsurety of whether something will work out or not?

From my previous posts, been dating an amazing girl for over a month now who I have clicked instantly with. We've been going out every few days and have so much fun together. She's going back to college about 100 miles away from me next week, and we've agreed to give it a go; we've even arranged my first visit to go stay with her. I've budgeted and could easily go to visit her on the train every two weekends.

But her mantra (and mine) is firmly "We'll see how this goes" and whether it works. Which should be fun and easy, but is just stressing me out a bit! I guess it's reassuring she even wants to see me in the first place, and if it doesn't work it doesn't work, but to be honest I've majorly caught feelings for her which is a little irritating.
 
K

Kyne

Member
peanutbutterlatte said:
How do you deal with the unsurety of whether something will work out or not?

From my previous posts, been dating an amazing girl for over a month now who I have clicked instantly with. We've been going out every few days and have so much fun together. She's going back to college about 100 miles away from me next week, and we've agreed to give it a go; we've even arranged my first visit to go stay with her. I've budgeted and could easily go to visit her on the train every two weekends.

But her mantra (and mine) is firmly "We'll see how this goes" and whether it works. Which should be fun and easy, but is just stressing me out a bit! I guess it's reassuring she even wants to see me in the first place, and if it doesn't work it doesn't work, but to be honest I've majorly caught feelings for her which is a little irritating.
Click to expand...

From how your post is sounding this doesn't sound like your mantra at all.
 
P

Pasta_Soup

Member
peanutbutterlatte said:
How do you deal with the unsurety of whether something will work out or not?
Click to expand...

You deal with it by de-investing yourself. Pretty much the only way you're going to avoid feeling crushed if it doesn't work out.

Keep your expectations in check and don't look at her as someone you're meant to be with.
 
N

names2hard4you

Member
peanutbutterlatte said:
How do you deal with the unsurety of whether something will work out or not?

From my previous posts, been dating an amazing girl for over a month now who I have clicked instantly with. We've been going out every few days and have so much fun together. She's going back to college about 100 miles away from me next week, and we've agreed to give it a go; we've even arranged my first visit to go stay with her. I've budgeted and could easily go to visit her on the train every two weekends.

But her mantra (and mine) is firmly "We'll see how this goes" and whether it works. Which should be fun and easy, but is just stressing me out a bit! I guess it's reassuring she even wants to see me in the first place, and if it doesn't work it doesn't work, but to be honest I've majorly caught feelings for her which is a little irritating.
Click to expand...
You need to relax. I keep seeing you post about her in a way that makes it seem like you are head over heels for her, but I think that if you keep this up, not only is she gonna catch up on it and find it annoying, but you are gonna end up being hurt in the end.

I too think you need to detach yourself a bit from this. You have been seeing this girl for a month. A month. You will come across as needy if you keep this up, and believe me when I tell you this, girls hate it. Do your own thing. Enjoy life a little. Keep contact with her obviously, but keep in mind that with only 1 month of knowing you, with the distance and all, she can end it at the flick of her wrist.

Sorry if this sounds a little negative and harsh but I think you need it.
 
X

Xun

Member
Ughhhh.

I'm not 100% sure, but it looks like I could be coming down with glandular fever (mono) after all.

I'm meant to be meeting the girl who I would've caught it from on Tuesday, but I'll have to see how I feel I guess.

Fingers crossed things don't end with her, but in any case I'll probably be out of action with dating for quite a few months...

:(
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
names2hard4you said:
You need to relax. I keep seeing you post about her in a way that makes it seem like you are head over heels for her, but I think that if you keep this up, not only is she gonna catch up on it and find it annoying, but you are gonna end up being hurt in the end.

I too think you need to detach yourself a bit from this. You have been seeing this girl for a month. A month. You will come across as needy if you keep this up, and believe me when I tell you this, girls hate it. Do your own thing. Enjoy life a little. Keep contact with her obviously, but keep in mind that with only 1 month of knowing you, with the distance and all, she can end it at the flick of her wrist.

Sorry if this sounds a little negative and harsh but I think you need it.
Click to expand...

Nah it's fair. I think you're absolutely right honestly, just way too easy to get into it when you're having a good time I guess!

If nothing else, it'll be a fun weekend when I go and stay with her, never been to the city she's staying in. I think if I just see it as that, a fun time, I'll be a lot better off as you say.
 
W

Wikzo

Member
I'm chatting with this girl on Tinder, who I'll like to meet in person. After some back and forth I finally asked if she would like to hang out one day. She said "Yeah, why not?" and then I suggested a day next week. She replied and told me that she is busy due to exam preperation, which is totally understandable. However, it puts my plans in limbo, since we can't decide for a specific day yet.

How should I go about this? Technically she said yes, but since we haven't agreed on a specific day, she might pull out. I obviously respect her time priorities, but I also don't want to risk losing contact. I also asked for her number, which she gave me.
 
N

names2hard4you

Member
peanutbutterlatte said:
Nah it's fair. I think you're absolutely right honestly, just way too easy to get into it when you're having a good time I guess!
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Just keep things casual, because remember that when it comes to relationships it should be a combined effort. If you worry more about this than she does, you are doing it wrong. Ask yourself this, how is she dealing with this situation compared to you?

Wikzo said:
I'm chatting with this girl on Tinder, who I'll like to meet in person. After some back and forth I finally asked if she would like to hang out one day. She said "Yeah, why not?" and then I suggested a day next week. She replied and told me that she is busy due to exam preperation, which is totally understandable. However, it puts my plans in limbo, since we can't decide for a specific day yet.

How should I go about this? Technically she said yes, but since we haven't agreed on a specific day, she might pull out. I obviously respect her time priorities, but I also don't want to risk losing contact. I also asked for her number, which she gave me.
Click to expand...
On to the next one.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Wikzo said:
I'm chatting with this girl on Tinder, who I'll like to meet in person. After some back and forth I finally asked if she would like to hang out one day. She said "Yeah, why not?" and then I suggested a day next week. She replied and told me that she is busy due to exam preperation, which is totally understandable. However, it puts my plans in limbo, since we can't decide for a specific day yet.

How should I go about this? Technically she said yes, but since we haven't agreed on a specific day, she might pull out. I obviously respect her time priorities, but I also don't want to risk losing contact. I also asked for her number, which she gave me.
Click to expand...

Suggest a day, if it doesn't work for her put the ball in her court and ask her to suggest a day.

No reply to that? She wasn't interested in meeting and was looking for someone to talk to.
 
P

peanutbutterlatte

Member
names2hard4you said:
Just keep things casual, because remember that when it comes to relationships it should be a combined effort. If you worry more about this than she does, you are doing it wrong. Ask yourself this, how is she dealing with this situation compared to you?.
Click to expand...

To be honest, she's reacted pretty mutually, saying she wants to give it a shot, wouldn't for every guy etc. I mean she's not posting on messageboards about it I don't think, but yeah...

But could all change once she goes back to college.
 
X

xRaizen

Member
I just want to say that after losing almost 50 lbs since May, I had to buy a new wardrobe and I actually started caring about my looks (dressed like shit before) and since then my confidence boosted waaaay up. I'll be buying more clothing in the next month once I get my financial aid, going to spend another ~$300 or so on Spring/Summer clothing.

Also do you guys have any tips for Tinder/OKC profiles? I don't want to seem too boring/uninteresting. Mine is basically listing things I like to do and what I do in general for school/work.
 
W

Wikzo

Member
xRaizen said:
Also do you guys have any tips for Tinder/OKC profiles? I don't want to seem too boring/uninteresting. Mine is basically listing things I like to do and what I do in general for school/work.
Click to expand...

I started by writing a good amount of text, listing many of my interests and hobbies (more or less as bullet points) Then, later, it dawned on me that I might have overkilled it a bit. It was by no means a wall of text, but still, I figured it would be better to have a shorter, more curious and sharp text. We can always talk about our hobbies after having matched; you just need an interesting hook/teaser that is easy and quick to read. So far, it has worked for me.

Can also recommend getting feedback from friends, both the text and the pictures. Also, try out PhotoFeeler to get anonymous feedback on your pictures. Don't know if there is something similar out there for profile descriptions, but it would surely be helpful.
 
B

Blackquill

Member
The date went well but I don't think I should hang with the girl anymore but she feels totally good with me and want to see me some other time hmmmm......
 
P

Pasta_Soup

Member
Wikzo said:
I'm chatting with this girl on Tinder...
Click to expand...

Shoot her a text with a specific time, place, and day for the date. If she's busy, and doesn't offer any alternative, it's probably never going to go anywhere. You can always end the text exchange with a "alright, well shoot me a text when you're free and we can set something up." Put the ball in her court and move on.

Also, in the future, try to refrain from using the phrase "hang out" when setting up a date. It's indirect and wishy-washy.

xRaizen said:
Also do you guys have any tips for Tinder/OKC profiles? I don't want to seem too boring/uninteresting. Mine is basically listing things I like to do and what I do in general for school/work.
Click to expand...

Congrats on losing all of that weight!

Check the Online Dating OT for a detailed list of tips.

From your current description, your profile sounds super boring, like every other standard dude online. Inject it with humor, wit, and well-placed honesty. Avoid lists at all costs. Even if a question is asking something like "List your 5 favorite things", just pick one and make a joke relating to it. Pictures are more important, but a well-written, unique profile will help, too. Your goal is to stand out from every other profile.
 
W

Wikzo

Member
Pasta_Soup said:
Also, in the future, try to refrain from using the phrase "hang out" when setting up a date. It's indirect and wishy-washy.
Click to expand...
Yeah, you are right. However, I didn't exactly write that, it was just easier to type it here (English is not my native tongue). I wrote (translated): "Do you want to meet, maybe take a walk or something?" After she said "why not?" I suggested a specific park. Then she told me about the exams.
 
A

Ashby

Member
I should make an OkCupid if I'm looking for something a bit more serious, right? I've been doing well with Tinder, getting good responses but it's been making me depressed for some reason.
 
M

Miles Quaritch

Member
Blackquill said:
Yeah haha I mean nothing bad happened but it was not a great date and I really wanted to finish this quickly but she was really insistent to stay more with her that was really creepy man
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It was creepy that she wanted to spend more time with someone she seems to like?

Huh? Am I missing something here?
 
Baki

Baki

Member
Hey Dating-age.

Checking in with a question, but need to provide some background first.

Context:
- Broke up with long term GF and fiancee 3 years ago and struggled to get over her
- Since then, I've dated 12 women (& spoken to about 50!), with the longest relationship being 3 months
- In this 3 year period, I've only met 1 girl, where the chemistry was as good as my ex. But didn't work out.

Current situation...

So I've recently just met a girl. And for the first time in a while, the chemistry is amazing and I actually really like this one.

BUT....

She just broke up her with BF 2 months ago and still harbors feelings for him. She knows I like her and she told me that she likes me too....

But from my experience (& the pessimist inside of me), thinks this will be a train-wreck.

So I'm sitting here and thinking "Fucking hell, how unlucky can I be. Finally meet a girl that I like & there's yet another roadblock".

Basically my question is...

Bail or try and see where this goes?
 
W

Wvrs

Member
So tonight I had a lovely first date with a girl who asked me for my number when I was working the bar the other night. She's very pretty, funny, intelligent... we had a lovely time, kissed before she got in her taxi and made vague plans to meet again.

The thing is, she's only 18 and I'm 21. By far the youngest girl I've ever dated, relative to myself (usually I date girls older than myself, even). She was very mature and I didn't feel like there was an age difference, but at one point she mentioned that her older sister is my age and I just thought about how my younger sister is only a few months younger than her.

But at the same time, it was one of the nicest first dates I've had; we really clicked. Am I thinking too deep into this?
 
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