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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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there are two kinds of crazy.. which side of the spectrum is she on? Coworker of mine has been dating this crazy chick and the newest story from him is she threw his Xbox One down the stairs on New Years because he didn't want to go out.

Um... the opposite end of that
 
...and she broke up with me.

Thanks, guys. :(

It'll suck now and for a while, but it seems like it was for the better. Her waiting around to break up with you in person (or you trying to salvage it) would just prolong the inevitable.

there are two kinds of crazy.. which side of the spectrum is she on? Coworker of mine has been dating this crazy chick and the newest story from him is she threw his Xbox One down the stairs on New Years because he didn't want to go out.

Preferring PS4 isn't crazy.
 
there are two kinds of crazy.. which side of the spectrum is she on? Coworker of mine has been dating this crazy chick and the newest story from him is she threw his Xbox One down the stairs on New Years because he didn't want to go out.
He's got a girlfriend, it's New Years, and he doesn't want to go out on a special occassion?
What if their relationship is falling apart to the point where she needs to make a bold action to make this guy aware that she's being neglected? And the throwing of the Xbox One was just the end result?
 

Vanish

Member
On New Years Eve, my friend and I went out partying at a club. I get lucky and dance and make out with a girl for like a half hour until her friend took her away. We were both kinda drunk. I don't remember how it happened but somehow she gets my # but like an idiot I forgot to ask her for her #.

So the ball is in her court. It's up to her to decide if she ever wants to see or talk to me again. Well to my surprise she texts me on Monday so I've been texting her since then. I tried talking over the phone with her but idk, she says she's busy so I've just kept it to texting. I ask her out yesterday and she says she can't see me for 2 weeks because she has plans with her friends this weekend then she has to babysit her kid sister for a whole week while her parents travel. What do I do here? Just text her once in a while until she's ready to go out? I don't want be a text buddy or anything and waste my time in case our date doesn't work out or something.

And another thing. I'm always the one who has to initiate conversation. I mean I try to keep an open ended conversation going and she usually responds immediately but it's up to me to initiate and keep the conversation going. And no, I'm not harassing her with a million texts. I keep it to a little bit each day and leave it up to her if she wants to keep talking. If not, I just text a little bit the next day.

Between this and the waiting 2 weeks to see her, is she even interested in me? I mean, she did reach out to me in the first place but still....I'm no expert in any of this.
 

Solo

Member
Never initiates? Is "busy" for the next 2 weeks? Doesn't sound like she's interested. Tell her to hit you up in 2 weeks when she's free, and leave it at that. If she messages in 2 weeks to set something up, you're good to go. If you never hear from her again, you move on.
 

Salamando

Member
He's got a girlfriend, it's New Years, and he doesn't want to go out on a special occassion?
What if their relationship is falling apart to the point where she needs to make a bold action to make this guy aware that she's being neglected? And the throwing of the Xbox One was just the end result?
If things got to that point, where words are no longer effective, girl should just leave. Craziness of that level is only acceptable if she's a redhead.
On New Years Eve, my friend and I went out partying at a club. I get lucky and dance and make out with a girl for like a half hour until her friend took her away. We were both kinda drunk. I don't remember how it happened but somehow I put my # in her phone but like an idiot I forgot to ask her for her #.

So the ball is in her court. It's up to her to decide if she ever wants to see or talk to me again. Well to my surprise she texts me on Monday so I've been texting her since then. I tried talking over the phone with her but idk, she says she's busy so I've just kept it to texting. I ask her out yesterday and she says she can't see me for 2 weeks because she has plans with her friends this weekend then she has to babysit her kid sister for a whole week while her parents travel. What do I do here? Just text her once in a while until she's ready to go out? I don't want be a text buddy or anything and waste my time in case our date doesn't work out or something.

And another thing. I'm always the one who has to initiate conversation. I mean I try to keep an open ended conversation going and she usually responds immediately but it's up to me to initiate and keep the conversation going. And no, I'm not harassing her with a million texts. I keep it to a little bit each day and leave it up to her if she wants to keep talking. If not, I just text a little bit the next day.

Between this and the waiting 2 weeks to see her, is she even interested in me? I mean, she did reach out to me in the first place but still....I'm no expert in any of this.

You're always the one to initiate conversation, yet she texted you, for the first time, on Monday? That means you texted her first on Tuesday and Wednesday? Bro...you haven't known this girl for a full week, that's not enough data to state "always" anything.

Enter a holding pattern. Communicate every third/fourth day, enough to keep contact, not enough to have in depth conversation. If she can't go out after those two weeks, drop her.
 

Vanish

Member
If things got to that point, where words are no longer effective, girl should just leave. Craziness of that level is only acceptable if she's a redhead.


You're always the one to initiate conversation, yet she texted you, for the first time, on Monday? That means you texted her first on Tuesday and Wednesday? Bro...you haven't known this girl for a full week, that's not enough data to state "always" anything.

Enter a holding pattern. Communicate every third/fourth day, enough to keep contact, not enough to have in depth conversation. If she can't go out after those two weeks, drop her.

Yeah I'm overthinking it. I'll just do what you suggested.
 

Kyne

Member
He's got a girlfriend, it's New Years, and he doesn't want to go out on a special occassion?
What if their relationship is falling apart to the point where she needs to make a bold action to make this guy aware that she's being neglected? And the throwing of the Xbox One was just the end result?

i've met/worked with her. she is batshit crazy.
 

No_Style

Member
I need help from a friendly American. I did a "reset" of my Tinder account and now I can't get any SMS verifications to work. I tried a friend's number, my bro's number and some others but no luck. I mentioned it earlier in this thread and someone said they were able to get the code through a U.S number. If you would be so kind, please PM me your number.

Thanks!
 
Just venting right now.

So yesterday my ex (together for a year) made it Facebook official with the guy I was told not worry about. Turns out they started dating two weeks after we broke up. It's bittersweet knowing your gut feeling was right all along.

Dating in modern times sucks. Rather than talk and work on problems, a lot of people take the easy route out and get instant gratification from someone else on the other end of a phone
 
anyone taken time off from a relationship to figure out some rough shit in your life and then get back the same person.

Why would you want to go back to something that wasn't working out after you've fixed other shit?

If it was going great, it should be possible for both to work through any issues one person has. If it's reached a point where you have to take a break, I can't imagine things working for very long if you get back together afterwards. Everything might have changed by that point.

You might be a different person, they might be different too. You might realise you want different things, they might not like the person you've become after you've figured out that rough shit in your life, etc, etc.
 
Just venting right now.

So yesterday my ex (together for a year) made it Facebook official with the guy I was told not worry about. Turns out they started dating two weeks after we broke up. It's bittersweet knowing your gut feeling was right all along.

Dating in modern times sucks. Rather than talk and work on problems, a lot of people take the easy route out and get instant gratification from someone else on the other end of a phone

Sucks, but it kinda depends on the problems. If it was something insignificant, you can rest assured she'll move on from him too should things go in the same direction.

And I don't think it's reasonable to generalise. Some people might be like that, but I've found most people are willing to work on problems up to a certain point. Everyone has a point where they have to break things off for self preservation purposes.
 

gaiages

Banned
anyone taken time off from a relationship to figure out some rough shit in your life and then get back the same person.

If you two were really such a great match you both could get your shit together while being with each other. Likelihood is you probably won't get back with the same person.

Even if you want to get back together after getting everything worked out doesn't mean the other person will even be around to see that.
 
Why would you want to go back to something that wasn't working out after you've fixed other shit?

If it was going great, it should be possible for both to work through any issues one person has. If it's reached a point where you have to take a break, I can't imagine things working for very long if you get back together afterwards. Everything might have changed by that point.

You might be a different person, they might be different too. You might realise you want different things, they might not like the person you've become after you've figured out that rough shit in your life, etc, etc.

The rape counseling fucked her shit up and she was having a hard time dealing with just everyday life and bringing back up things that happened. Then her therapist cancelled on her when she needed it and she is just kind of breaking down and couldnt deal with going on a special date we planned and didnt feel like seeing anyone.

I wanted to be there for her but we both thought some time to do let her deal with her only feelings on this thing might be good.

Best case scenario is she feels better in a week or two. or i never see her again.

Its just depressing when everything feels like its going perfect and the world throws all shit it can at one person and they just cant deal.
 
Sucks, but it kinda depends on the problems. If it was something insignificant, you can rest assured she'll move on from him too should things go in the same direction.

And I don't think it's reasonable to generalise. Some people might be like that, but I've found most people are willing to work on problems up to a certain point. Everyone has a point where they have to break things off for self preservation purposes.

I'd never date someone who can't multi-quote (hit that little plus sign next to the quote on mobile, or on the left on desktop, bro)
 
The rape counseling fucked her shit up and she was having a hard time dealing with just everyday life and bringing back up things that happened. Then her therapist cancelled on her when she needed it and she is just kind of breaking down and couldnt deal with going on a special date we planned and didnt feel like seeing anyone.

I wanted to be there for her but we both thought some time to do let her deal with her only feelings on this thing might be good.

Best case scenario is she feels better in a week or two. or i never see her again.

Its just depressing when everything feels like its going perfect and the world throws all shit it can at one person and they just cant deal.

You both decided or did she say she needed some time alone and you agreed?

I think if everything was going perfectly, that wouldn't have have been something that came up. She would have felt comfortable enough to turn to you for support, that she didn't and you both agreed to some time apart suggests it wasn't perfect and this was the one thing among many that would have eventually triggered this time apart.

And I haven't followed this, but the rape counselling. Is that voluntary or part of a course/work requirements? If it's voluntary and it's affecting her this badly, she needs to drop it. It's truly admirable to volunteer, but it shouldn't come at the cost of ones health.

I'd never date someone who can't multi-quote (hit that little plus sign next to the quote on mobile, or on the left on desktop, bro)

Your loss bro, I put out on the first date. (I forgot multi-quote was a thing...)
 
The rape counseling fucked her shit up and she was having a hard time dealing with just everyday life and bringing back up things that happened. Then her therapist cancelled on her when she needed it and she is just kind of breaking down and couldnt deal with going on a special date we planned and didnt feel like seeing anyone.

I wanted to be there for her but we both thought some time to do let her deal with her only feelings on this thing might be good.

Best case scenario is she feels better in a week or two. or i never see her again.

Its just depressing when everything feels like its going perfect and the world throws all shit it can at one person and they just cant deal.

You can give her some space but frankly you havent been dating that long. This really isn't something I would put up with but if you don't really wanna go back into dating mode right away you can give it some time.

Frankly when someone says something to the tune of "I really like you but I need some time for me" or something like that.. . . Lost cause.
 
Sucks, but it kinda depends on the problems. If it was something insignificant, you can rest assured she'll move on from him too should things go in the same direction.

And I don't think it's reasonable to generalise. Some people might be like that, but I've found most people are willing to work on problems up to a certain point. Everyone has a point where they have to break things off for self preservation purposes.

Her reasons for breaking up were she hadn't been happy for a while and things had become more of a routine. Which to be fair it had. Working so close together was great at first because it meant we could meet up for lunch, go straight out after work together, go shopping together etc etc. As things progressed she suggested I park at hers (to save money) and walk to and back from work with her. This meant we pretty much saw each other every day the year we were together. I think the longest we went without seeing each other was 5 days and that was because I was in another country but even then we talked all day every day.

I think this caused a lot of codependency on her end, she even told me there was times when she would cry when I would go straight home after work. But It wasn't because I didn't want to see her, I just knew seeing each other every day wasn't good for us, we both needed space and alone time. I tried changing things up, I suggested we did different stuff but it was so hard to when she claimed she was always tired. When we first got together we filled our weekend up with activities together but the routine then became, picking her up from work on a Saturday evening, have something to eat and then get into bed for 'Netflix and chill', she'd then fall a sleep pretty early on. Sunday it would depend on what time she woke up and how she felt. Sometimes it was a day out somewhere, going out for lunch or a trip to the beach but 9 times out of 10 it was spent in bed together or me leaving early afternoon. Which did frustrate me because I wanted to get out and about with her.

With regards to her not being happy then yeah I possibly could do nothing about this, you need to find happiness from within but it still sucks considering days before this new guy came back into the scene she had been talking to me about our plans for Christmas, what we were doing for her birthday next month and even plans for this summer. I was still getting the texts about how much she loved me and how much I meant to her.

I think rather than working on what we had she saw this guy as something new and a quick and easy fix to get her happiness and some excitement back in her life. When really she needed to work on herself because she cant find that happiness being alone. I'm sure the honeymoon period going on right now is great, I really do hope she is happy but I'm sure when the routine kicks in with this new guy she'll be back to square one again.
 

Servbot24

Banned
Is there a standard for when you ask someone out after a first date? I had my first first date in a while last night and am up for another, but don't want to be too pushy.
 

Lulubop

Member
Is there a standard for when you ask someone out after a first date? I had my first first date in a while last night and am up for another, but don't want to be too pushy.

No, just do it


Taking a break from Tinder/ Dating apps. Honestly, I can't do the back and forth. Or at least I'm sick/bored of it.
 

Jhoan

Member
Is there a standard for when you ask someone out after a first date? I had my first first date in a while last night and am up for another, but don't want to be too pushy.

Honestly man there are no rules to dating/following up after a date. If you felt like it went well, don't procrastinate on it and feel free to follow up with her today stating that you had a good time and would like to do it again next week.

Lulubop said:
No, just do it


Taking a break from Tinder/ Dating apps. Honestly, I can't do the back and forth. Or at least I'm sick/bored of it.

Oh how the mighty have fallen! In all seriousness I hear you on that. It can get pretty rote and exhausting repeating the same process over and over again much like a job. Either that, or offer your number right off the bat after 2-3 exchanges to spice things up when you get back into the game. I haven't been making much of an effort to message new girls myself aside from trying meet up with the previous girl I went out with last month.
 

Lulubop

Member
Yea, exactly. I would love it if a girl was just like hey here's my number let's go out. Tired of the whole routine. Plus, I'm getting super picky.

That said, me at that girl who I meet at the bar during the last gaf meet up have been really hitting it off. She's pretty great. I was talking to another girl I was kinda into, but I don't think she's feeling it any more. Well, mainly because she had a dinner date planned with me to meet her friends a few weeks ago, and I overslept because I had work in the night. Shit hasn't been the same with her since.
 

Megauap

Member
In my college there's a program to help Erasmus students (international students who come here during a semester or more to study) and I signed up for it in September.
I was assigned a girl and we met up almost every week to do a language exchange and to just hang out (apart from weekend activities we did with other pairs of students). Sometimes I was the one asking her out and sometimes she was the one asking me out.
We continued meeting even after the program ended at the end of November.
She doesn't talk much as she is a bit shy but in the last weeks she seems to have opened more and talks more with me.
When we met we spent a lot of time in silence until one of us asked a question or just said something, it was like none of us knew what to say.
Two weeks ago, she returned to her country to spend Christmas with her family but she will be back in a couple of weeks.
On New Year's Eve I sent her a message wishing her a happy new year at like 00:08. Then I went out with some friends to some bars and after that to a club. I obviously drank too much because when I woke up the next day I saw that I sent her a message saying that I really wanted to see her (probably because she also wished me a happy new year at around 02:54). She replied that she wanted to see me too when she returns.
She already knows that I like her because I told her many times before.
She seems to be into me too so, should I go for a kiss or would that be too much?
I ask this because I don't know how she will react being shy as I've not been with a girl like her before.
 

Xun

Member
In my college there's a program to help Erasmus students (international students who come here during a semester or more to study) and I signed up for it in September.
I was assigned a girl and we met up almost every week to do a language exchange and to just hang out (apart from weekend activities we did with other pairs of students). Sometimes I was the one asking her out and sometimes she was the one asking me out.
We continued meeting even after the program ended at the end of November.
She doesn't talk much as she is a bit shy but in the last weeks she seems to have opened more and talks more with me.
When we met we spent a lot of time in silence until one of us asked a question or just said something, it was like none of us knew what to say.
Two weeks ago, she returned to her country to spend Christmas with her family but she will be back in a couple of weeks.
On New Year's Eve I sent her a message wishing her a happy new year at like 00:08. Then I went out with some friends to some bars and after that to a club. I obviously drank too much because when I woke up the next day I saw that I sent her a message saying that I really wanted to see her (probably because she also wished me a happy new year at around 02:54). She replied that she wanted to see me too when she returns.
She already knows that I like her because I told her many times before.
She seems to be into me too so, should I go for a kiss or would that be too much?
I ask this because I don't know how she will react being shy as I've not been with a girl like her before.
Just go for it and don't ask her if you can kiss her (I'm saying this since I think a few here have done that before).

Go with the flow.
 

Megauap

Member
Just go for it and don't ask her if you can kiss her (I'm saying this since I think a few here have done that before).

Go with the flow.

I obviously wasn't going to ask her. I already thought of something funny to say to her before kissing her.
 

gaiages

Banned
In my college there's a program to help Erasmus students (international students who come here during a semester or more to study) and I signed up for it in September.
I was assigned a girl and we met up almost every week to do a language exchange and to just hang out (apart from weekend activities we did with other pairs of students). Sometimes I was the one asking her out and sometimes she was the one asking me out.
We continued meeting even after the program ended at the end of November.
She doesn't talk much as she is a bit shy but in the last weeks she seems to have opened more and talks more with me.
When we met we spent a lot of time in silence until one of us asked a question or just said something, it was like none of us knew what to say.
Two weeks ago, she returned to her country to spend Christmas with her family but she will be back in a couple of weeks.
On New Year's Eve I sent her a message wishing her a happy new year at like 00:08. Then I went out with some friends to some bars and after that to a club. I obviously drank too much because when I woke up the next day I saw that I sent her a message saying that I really wanted to see her (probably because she also wished me a happy new year at around 02:54). She replied that she wanted to see me too when she returns.
She already knows that I like her because I told her many times before.
She seems to be into me too so, should I go for a kiss or would that be too much?
I ask this because I don't know how she will react being shy as I've not been with a girl like her before.

...I'm sorry, are you guys actually dating? You don't make that obvious in your post.

You might want to try to get her on an actual date before trying to kiss her. If y'all are dating though, why not kiss? I'm just getting the feeling you two aren't actually dating, regardless of you confessing feelings.
 

Lulubop

Member
...I'm sorry, are you guys actually dating? You don't make that obvious in your post.

You might want to try to get her on an actual date before trying to kiss her. If y'all are dating though, why not kiss? I'm just getting the feeling you two aren't actually dating, regardless of you confessing feelings.

ya
 

Megauap

Member
...I'm sorry, are you guys actually dating? You don't make that obvious in your post.

You might want to try to get her on an actual date before trying to kiss her. If y'all are dating though, why not kiss? I'm just getting the feeling you two aren't actually dating, regardless of you confessing feelings.

I don't really know if we are dating because although we have met to have some drinks, see the fireworks (during a popular celebration here) or gone to the beach together, I'm the one who has told her that I like her. When I tell her in person she blushes but doesn't say anything.
 

gaiages

Banned
I don't really know if we are dating

Okay so y'all aren't dating.

Ask her on a date first. BE SPECIFIC. Don't make it seem like another hang out, be forward, blunt if you have to. Tell her you like her and want a relationship (or whatever you want) and want to take her on a date. You need a yes or a no here, not someone blushing.
 

DeathoftheEndless

Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
Her reasons for breaking up were she hadn't been happy for a while and things had become more of a routine.

I could be wrong, but it sounds like she doesn't have much of a life outside of the relationship. Someone who cries when they don't get to see you literally every day is too clingy. That and her lack of effort when it comes to trying new stuff and working out your problems makes me think you're better off without her.
 
I don't really know if we are dating because although we have met to have some drinks, see the fireworks (during a popular celebration here) or gone to the beach together, I'm the one who has told her that I like her. When I tell her in person she blushes but doesn't say anything.

You aren't dating.

And honestly like, how many times are you gonna tell this girl you like her? It's so facepalm worthy. Just tell her you want to take her on a date and like plainly state that you are interested in her in a romantic way and want to try a date based on that.

And dont do the lost puppy and hang around thing if she turns it down
 

Megauap

Member
You aren't dating.

And honestly like, how many times are you gonna tell this girl you like her? It's so facepalm worthy. Just tell her you want to take her on a date and like plainly state that you are interested in her in a romantic way and want to try a date based on that.

And dont do the lost puppy and hang around thing if she turns it down

I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks after the program ended and she was the one who wrote me on WhatsApp to ask me to go have a drink. So I will not hang around her if she says no, there are plenty more girls.
 
I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks after the program ended and she was the one who wrote me on WhatsApp to ask me to go have a drink. So I will not hang around her if she says no, there are plenty more girls.

Good. Go ask one of them out.

Then ask the girl you mentioned out when she returns.
 
I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks after the program ended and she was the one who wrote me on WhatsApp to ask me to go have a drink. So I will not hang around her if she says no, there are plenty more girls.

No shame in admitting you're over-invested. It's not a unique situation.

Seems like there could be a language barrier here (with her being an international student too) so be more direct about what you want.
 

Megauap

Member
Good. Go ask one of them out.

Then ask the girl you mentioned out when she returns.

I actually want to talk to more girls when not drunk this year so I promised myself to talk to one new girl each week. This will help me boost my confidence and give me more experience when talking to girls. But I already failed this week as I have to study for some exams coming up next week...
 
I actually want to talk to more girls when not drunk this year so I promised myself to talk to one new girl each week. This will help me boost my confidence and give me more experience when talking to girls. But I already failed this week as I have to study for some exams coming up next week...

You have time to post long questions on a video game message board about the girl you're waiting for, but you don't have time to introduce yourself to someone in class?
 
Taking a straight 10 out to a party tonight. She agreed to come w me even though she won't know anyone there. I'm assuming this is a date.

I mean if a guy and a girl enter a party together, you just assume they have 'something' going on right?

Gaf?
 
Taking a straight 10 out to a party tonight. She agreed to come w me even though she won't know anyone there. I'm assuming this is a date.

I mean if a guy and a girl enter a party together, you just assume they have 'something' going on right?

Gaf?
Not necessarily.

Got a date for tomorrow. This one isn't much of a texter, which means we didn't have pointless banter the week leading to tomorrow, so that was awesome lol. Considering how I have been so busy because of a new job, it was well appreciated. We'll see how it goes. I'll let y'all know.
 
Yes, life is not a rom com movie.

Maybe your life isn't a rom com.

Neither is mine

Taking a straight 10 out to a party tonight. She agreed to come w me even though she won't know anyone there. I'm assuming this is a date.

I mean if a guy and a girl enter a party together, you just assume they have 'something' going on right?

Gaf?

I assume that until she says she has a bf that's just the guy who is gonna be mad his party buddy finds me more interesting.
 
Taking a straight 10 out to a party tonight. She agreed to come w me even though she won't know anyone there. I'm assuming this is a date.

I mean if a guy and a girl enter a party together, you just assume they have 'something' going on right?

Gaf?

It's not a date unless you specified it, you could just be the safe guy that won't try anything or in the friend zone.
 
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