hawkshockey11
Banned
I'm in limbo with the 3 girls I was "seeing". I think they are losing interest, but I am doing the best I can :/
So close too...
So close too...
Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
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Don't waste energy on trying to get them to like you.
There is a co-worker of mine that I really like and told her as such over the summer. Well nothing happened and she seems to be in a serious relationship although she goes through pains to conceal me.
She might be pregnant and I'm happy for her. She however does want me to know. She also seems to act very somber when I'm around. I might be leaving soon so she might be hoping I won't find out till then.
Frankly I don't like it. I like her as a friend and she didn't cheat on me or anything. I want her to act normal and not try to act extra nice whenever she goes out with a guy or in thiscase get pregnant. She thinks she is trying to pprotect my feelings but in reality she only makes me wonder if actually liked me but never wanted to admit it. I want a sort of closure to that chapter.
I hate when this type of stuff happens.
She might be pregnant and I'm happy for her. She however does want me to know. She also seems to act very somber when I'm around. I might be leaving soon so she might be hoping I won't find out till then.
Frankly I don't like it. I like her as a friend and she didn't cheat on me or anything. I want her to act normal and not try to act extra nice whenever she goes out with a guy or in thiscase get pregnant. She thinks she is trying to pprotect my feelings but in reality she only makes me wonder if actually liked me but never wanted to admit it. I want a sort of closure to that chapter.
I hate when this type of stuff happens.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
There is closure.. by you ignoring her and minding your own business..
JustHadToJoin
Member
I did the same thing recently. This girl took advantage of me so badly, I got wasted andI went back with her. Had a condom in my back pocket, woke up and found it in my back pocket. I was so pissed, especially after seeing what she actually looked like.
I wasn't worried about her being pregnant. Man, the whole next day I was looking at symptoms of HIV. The thing is in your mind you can create symptoms if you stress hard enough. Is my neck stiff..wait did I work out or is that....? I was really hot last night..is that the sleep sweat symptom..or was the heat on too high? Is that a sore throat I have, or is it just an itch- the weather has been erratic too, did that cause it? Man shit is terrifying.
To this day I haven't gone to planned parenthood, been about a month
Doesn't sound like she took advantage of you at all. Sounds like you got drunk and made stupid choices.
FutureZombie
Banned
How could you not be worried about her being pregnant? That's all I'm worried about. STDs... I can live with that because that's all on me. I don't want to be responsible for another person. Especially with OCD this bad. And it is bad. I still haven't eaten and it's been like 30 hours.
JustHadToJoin
Member
yeah but I'm attractive and she's not
I drank way too much, hadn't had sex in weeks
I asked her if she was on the pill and she said yeah. Plus I was so drunk that after I came I went down on her and probably ate all of the sperm I shot up there....
and to be perfectly honest, I still think race is a big deal, and I don't think a white girl wants to have a kid with some random black guy
FutureZombie
Banned
See my girl said she was on he pill, too. But I'm so fucking crazy that I can't get the possibility that she is lying out of my mind.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Geezus wtf.. think I'm gonna take a break from reading this thread..
:lol same here. It's 5pm and it's still too early for that kind of posts xD
hawkshockey11
Banned
Obviously. I am a master of the back-burner. I blame finals though.
I'm trying to do all of this, but I honestly have no idea where to start, or who to talk to.
Snap out of it, man!
Go take a walk outside. Right now. And just organize your life in your thoughts. Take steps to improve your life, for you, and figure out what that first step is. Then devote yourself to that first step. Once that's done, begin the next one. Get out of that "trapped life" mentality, better your life, and eventually you'll find someone just because you're already happy and in a good place. Trust me!
GAF has your back for encouragement, as always, but the hard work is up to you buddy.
If it was up to me I'd reset my life, but I'm just not sure how I'd go about this. Move abroad? Maybe.
I've been a part of this thread for nearly 4 OT's now, I realise this.
It's less about wanting a girlfriend, but rather I wish to have the ability to freely approach people and talk to them without fear.
I've always felt there has been more to this thread than just dating, and I suppose that's why I still occasionally pop in here.
I used to wish for a reset button at times in my early 20's. Shoulda done this, shouldnt have done that. I've found that there really is no guidance out there in the sense of who to talk to that will give you the answers.
In my experience you should surround yourself with positive, like minded people. If you're not happy with work, look for a new career. Not happy with your physical appearance, try and eat better food and get some more activity. I've found that taking care of those areas fix a lot of issues.
You can reset those things at any time.
unknownhero
Member
@#1. they tried but as I mentioned they usually keep shout and screaming stuff at me. I come out as a nervous wreck after their training sessions.
as for #2, I can't afford my own home unfortunately. while, I do help with rent and work around the house, my job can't pay for both classes and an apartment. I might see if any co-workers would want a roommate though.
as for the book, there was no copy in the libary. I'm going to buy it off of amazon.
Devolution
Member
Dating-age just turned into fucking without condoms age - you are already dad.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
You don't have to move abroad, just reset your life. I did this about 6 months ago, and my life has been so much better than it ever has been. Went through some shit, said "hell no" to being defeated by myself, and literally just went to town on improving the quality of my life.
Like I said, you have to start small and slow. Find what that first thing is, and work on it. For me, it was getting a promotion and moving out of my parents' place after having graduated university. I focused all of my energy into getting that promotion, until finally I did and I was able to support myself in moving out with a few friends. Bam, that was complete. Then I decided I needed to work on my diet and activity level. So I poured tons of energy and effort into that, and I'm in better shape now than I ever have been in my life. Now this isn't something that I ever plan on just stopping and moving on with, so I bleed this second step into my third step which was improving my sense of style and have fun with the way I dressed. I did that, and instantly saw improvements in my confidence. Plus it's fun as all hell, for me, to dress better.
All of this served to improve my basic state of mind, my confidence in myself, and the general quality of my life. Only after I reached that point where I realized I was in a far better place than I ever had been, and am very happy with my life, did I begin to pursue dating again. And that's worked out for me at this point too. I'm dating a great girl that I really like a lot.
TL;DR: Baby steps. Pinpoint one aspect of your life that needs improving that you want to work on first, and then do it. Then move onto the next, then the next, and so on. Confidence and happiness will blossom in you as you go forward and improve your life. Then you'll be ready to share it with someone else.
I think that if we maintain a general theme of bettering one's self before inviting others into their lives then these self confidence issues can be covered just fine in here. Sometimes it gets out of hand, though. For sure.
also posted in the depression thread:
I dont think I have depression, but I'm going to post in here anyways for advice.
I've been talking to someone online since march, and everything was well, until about 2 weeks ago when I told her how I really felt about her. (I thought she felt the same because she was very flirty and always wanted to talk. She lives in oregon and I live across the country in ny. she is also 28 and i'm 21. I didn't think these things really mattered, and if we don't liked each other we could have figured something out. Apparently she met someone else, and then he personality changed for the worst against me. Obviously I felt really sad because she didn't feel the same, and For the next week felt horrible, but I knew that I at least wanted to be friends. Throughout the whole thing after telling her, she ignored me for the majority of the messages I sent her, and the ones she responded were cold and rude. I am still confused and can't figure out why. Maybe I was annoying her with all the messages I sent her, but I wanted to work things out so at least we could be friends. long story short is that she posted on her blog, "get over it already. blah blah blah you'd understand if you did some growing up yourself." for everyone to see. It was obviously directed towards me. She also took off any way of me talking to her. I just can't understand why she changed so drastically in such little amount of time. We used to talk on the phone, and text everyday, but that's all gone out the window. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I was nothing but kind to her throughout the whole thing, and during the whole time that we were talking, I was nothing but nice to her also. I was never once rude to her. I can't understand why she is being so rude to me. I guess I just need some type of closure and i'm not getting it.
I'm also 21, and have been getting job offers which require me to move away from my family, but they pay really well. These offers along with the situation with her put me into a really depressed state these past two weeks. I feel this constant pain in my heart, and am always sleeping. I don't know what to do.
I'm doing this with her also, I think that's why i can't get over her. I feel like I won't find someone who is as attractive, and that's what is holding me back. I'm really stressed out over everything. I just want to be friends with her, and I guess she doesn't for some reason. there really isn't a reason why either, and that's what's killing me.
I dont think I have depression, but I'm going to post in here anyways for advice.
I've been talking to someone online since march, and everything was well, until about 2 weeks ago when I told her how I really felt about her. (I thought she felt the same because she was very flirty and always wanted to talk. She lives in oregon and I live across the country in ny. she is also 28 and i'm 21. I didn't think these things really mattered, and if we don't liked each other we could have figured something out. Apparently she met someone else, and then he personality changed for the worst against me. Obviously I felt really sad because she didn't feel the same, and For the next week felt horrible, but I knew that I at least wanted to be friends. Throughout the whole thing after telling her, she ignored me for the majority of the messages I sent her, and the ones she responded were cold and rude. I am still confused and can't figure out why. Maybe I was annoying her with all the messages I sent her, but I wanted to work things out so at least we could be friends. long story short is that she posted on her blog, "get over it already. blah blah blah you'd understand if you did some growing up yourself." for everyone to see. It was obviously directed towards me. She also took off any way of me talking to her. I just can't understand why she changed so drastically in such little amount of time. We used to talk on the phone, and text everyday, but that's all gone out the window. She doesn't want to talk to me anymore. I was nothing but kind to her throughout the whole thing, and during the whole time that we were talking, I was nothing but nice to her also. I was never once rude to her. I can't understand why she is being so rude to me. I guess I just need some type of closure and i'm not getting it.
I'm also 21, and have been getting job offers which require me to move away from my family, but they pay really well. These offers along with the situation with her put me into a really depressed state these past two weeks. I feel this constant pain in my heart, and am always sleeping. I don't know what to do.
I'm doing this with her also, I think that's why i can't get over her. I feel like I won't find someone who is as attractive, and that's what is holding me back. I'm really stressed out over everything. I just want to be friends with her, and I guess she doesn't for some reason. there really isn't a reason why either, and that's what's killing me.
Is there any reason why you can't hire someone to teach you how to drive?
She's helping you from staying needy and obsessed with her. You need to snap out of it.
Meet more people, more women.
Devolution
Member
Easiest way to get someone to stop bothering you is to be an insufferable asshole. Sounds like that's what she wants. It's a shitty way to go about letting you down and trying to move on with her new guy but some people are just like that.
yea, I guess. I'm not really the outgoing type, and maybe that is also why I'm soo needy is because I thought I found someone who felt the same. She is definitely more out-going and I guess we're just two different people. She is also really hot, and I feel like I won't find someone who I'm as attracted to.
OMG have you tried messaging her? Did you send her 500 emails? How will you ever know how she really feels unless you show her how much you need her?
do you just randomly stop talking to someone because they tell you how they feel about you? Basically throwing the friendship out the window just like that. If she did care at all, i'm guessing she would have tried to at least being friends work. I guess not.
If I was told how someone felt, then it wouldn't be random. There was a reason why. And depending on how it was said and what the state of the relationship was, then yeah I may stop talking to someone if I wasn't interested.
Well that's why i'm confused because I was sure she felt the same. She was so flirty about everything, and got really jealous if I even spoke of a girl, and then when I told her, it basically went out the window.
Devolution
Member
It sounds like she was just using you for attention. Move on. Stop talking about her. Do stuff to get your mind off of her.
Why admit feelings? What was the intention there?
yea, that's what it seems like. She was always so full of herself too. She would always send me pictures of herself because i guess she does modeling as a hobby, and always post pictures of herself. Maybe I was just the time in the middle of her ex-bf and her new relationship.
The intention of a relationship. If she felt the same, I wanted to meet her, and then if things worked, we would have figured something out.
I agree with Logz.
It totally depends on the context. If she didn't feel the same way about you, and your timing was off, and depending upon the manner in which you said it, then yes that could all lead to a perfect storm of her just not really wanting to hang around you anymore/talk to you.
It sucks, but that's all part of it. You have to feel it out and try to just let it naturally happen. If it's going to happen, let it naturally happen. You can't force this stuff if there isn't really a spark or connection to be had in the first place.
If she had feeling for you she would have told you. A guy admitting feelings before his prospective mate more often than not leads to failure in my experience.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
It's not like I sprung it on her or anything, she knew gradually about how I felt. I'm very happy when I text and always include <3 and
's, but I never once said I love you, well being flirty I said that, and there was some truth in it, but obviously I was just being flirty, and she responded with love you too. and stop smiling because she knows I always smile when I'm happy. She knew I liked her, and had feelings for her, but her response to when I said I really really liked her, and wanted to do something about it, was that she thought I had a crush, and we really didn't talk about feelings. Don't people act on crushes?She did though. I told her how I felt during the summer, and asked if she felt the same, and she responded yes. So from there on, I thought that the feelings were mutual.
So you admitted to feelings before your prospective mate?
haha if you put it that way, yes. but why would she still talk to me, for maybe 5 months more, knowing what my intentions were? I'm not just talking to you everyday, calling you late at night just for the hell of it. I like you, and obviously I want to get into a relationship. Why would she go through the effort of talking to me everyday? it's not like I was the one who always texted first, or called first. She would be the one who always called me first, at like 3 in the morning.
All sounds like she just wanted attention. You know what I do when a message goes unanswered by a lass? I fucking ignore them until they talk to me. If they don't talk to me then f them.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Not saying it doesn't happen, but this was a random online cross country thing right? Do you have the means to even offer her some sort of life together? Her using some random internet guy for a confidence boost is much more likely.
yep, I guess the odds of us together were slim to none, and she was thinking more realistically than I was. She is 28, and i'm only 21. She wants kids soon, and to get married, and well that's not out of the question for me, it's still really early for me. I mean if we met, and there was something between us, I wouldn't hesitate to move there. I'm just graduating college, i'm not locked down by any means. But really why not just be friends? I don't see the point in not being friends. We don't have to nearly talk as much, and I'll get over here eventually but just giving me the cold shoulder isn't needed.
haha this is definitely like her. She holds grudges bad. If I said something jokingly a little mean but she knows I was only kidding, she would hang up and not talk to me for the rest of the night. Now that i'm talking about the situation, it's showing me how rude she was throughout the whole thing.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
Hey, crazier relationships have happened. Not saying it was out of the question. If you can understand the reality of the situation, you shouldn't have much problem moving on.
You put all energy into her though, didn't you? No potential women actually in your life?
You put all energy into her though, didn't you? No potential women actually in your life?
yea...I was just going to go with it. The only thing that is annoying me is the lack of closure I have.
yep. the funny thing is she messaged me asking me a stupid question and that's how we started talking. I was actually trying to get over this over girl who had a boyfriend, she was my best friend since I was really little, so I guess talking to her made me forget about the other about my best friend.
yea, I don't understand why I still want to be friends with her. I guess it's the comfort I got talking to her.
I'm an expert
Formerly worldrevolution. The only reason I am nice to anyone else is to avoid being banned.
The closure is right there you just have to accept it. There was nothing real there, the end.
Why do you need closure on a pseudo-relationship from the internets?
yep. I need to face the facts. it wasn't going to work out.
I don't know, I just don't like relationships to end soo abruptly.
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