I feel your pain. Queued up for Brayflox HM 3 times this weekend, the first two went great. Third one was a healer and two DPS from the same FC. They wanted a speed run and my gear couldn't handled it at i65. They refused to stop pulling and going full bore. Yet I'm a scrub because I'm not in full Allagan or whatever.
After a few more runs I got lucky on some drops and hit i70, so I thought I'd try Titan. I got the OT role. Told everyone I'd never done this before. No one bothered explaining anything. The Tank ate one too many Mountain Busters and died, so I Provoked, Shield Lobbed, and Flashed the mob off of the DPS Titan ran after. I had him back on the side but by then it was too late. Half the raid was dead when the MT went down anyway. So then I get "Cetra, why didn't you use Provoke?" I explained what I did. They go "You're a liar and a scrub, GTFO out of Titan until you have decent gear and you learn to play." The he initiated a Vote Abandon and everyone left the instance. So here I sit still needing Titan HM for my Relic, and people are in too big a hurry to call people idiots rather than help them learn a fight. I've watched videos, I've read up, I have a Titan Rotation Chart stuck to the side of my PC. But a huge chuck of learning is doing, no one wants to put up with that though it seems. At least, not anymore.
Oh I definitely feel your pain here. When I was learning Titan EM via pugging a ton of my runs felt like this.
I think the problem with pugs, is that the sociable players that work well in groups tend to gravitate towards Free Companies, at which point they'll form little enclosed groups. (Which I cannot blame them for.)
The players that aren't sociable, and don't run well in groups, tend to be the ones that either never join a free company, or don't form common teams within their free company.
I tend to be somewhere in the middle. For difficult content I prefer tapping players whom are, "a known quantity," especially if I like em. For easier content, especially if I'm pressed for time, I'll just pug it up and hope for the best.
Sometimes it works fantastically well. I got into a CT group yesterday that did extremely well. There was only one wipe during Behemoth after the primary Tank made a mistake. Nobody argued or grumbled and we got it easy peasy the next time. All the alliances even consented to letting that same tank go after Archeron later on, after giving him some good natured ribbing.
Conversely, even easy dungeons can be made miserable when you've got players that're doing things fundamentally wrong, and won't take friendly advice.
To which I'll say this, as a general rule. If anyone other then a Tank is doing the pulls for your party, they're doing it wrong! It's okay if somebody occasionally aggroes a mob by accident, but it drives me batty when I see lancers or WHM's dashing through dungeons and pulling everything in sight before the Tank is even within lob-distance.
Also, general PSA to a lot of GAFers. We've got a big influx of newer or less geared players in the game at the moment. There's no need to give them a hard time though. If you're patient you can even take a group of ilvl60 or less players through a dungeun like Halitali, so long as you keep the pulls small and they're otherwise good players who are eager to learn.
