Hey it's my first time posting here. I need some guidance, I will give you a short time frame of my life (training wise) from 2007 until present. I weighed in at 330 lbs back in 2007, I did a shit load of cardio and barely ate anything, very bad way to lose weight and fat but the lowest I got to was 195, and it was a skinny fat, with my mid section still looking like shit. (i have a very side mid section, love handles galore.) I have been "bulking" lately, my strength has gone up but so has my weight, I'm up to 260 and my numbers sure should be higher. (315 benchx3, 405 deadx1, 315 squatx5*i fucked a disc up in my lower back so I've had to lower the weight.)
I'm not happy with the way I look, I tell myself every day that I'm fine and i want to become stronger and do power lifting but I hate looking myself in the mirror. I have very low self esteem, I never even took my shirt off in front of my GF for a whole year. It's embarrassing. I want to get thinner, but my ego is too high in the gym to do higher reps lower weights. I am 24 years old and 5'11. I'm not sure what to do, my bodyfat is up there, probably mid 20s. I just need some guidance or some wisdom from someone as to what they believe the right path for me to take is. In my heart I want to be lean, thin and confidant but in my mind I just dont give a fuck, eat anything in sight and lazy as fuck when it comes to Cardio. Sorry for the ranting, I have no one to talk to about this, I'm a lone wolf in the gym and it's time for a change!