Holy shit, PXG. I think you and I live very similar lives.
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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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Holy shit, PXG. I think you and I live very similar lives.
PXG is my twin! You back off!
TurboLibre
Member
Yeah, I'm getting that impression after talking to some friends. I didn't text back, I didn't want to say anything stupid. I'll make sure to wish her luck next time I see her though.
Etrian Oddity
Member
I'm somewhat drunk, I'm rather lonely, and I'm very sad 
I'm somewhat drunk, I'm rather lonely, and I'm very sad
Two glasses of water and then off to bed with you, chop chop. You'll thank me when you wake up in the morning.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Should have had those two cups of water, haha. BTW bad wingmen are some of the worst things in the world.
More of us than anyone realizes...
At least you have a wingman... man.Should have had those two cups of water, haha. BTW bad wingmen are some of the worst things in the world.
Can't believe I'm posting this, but I need some help GAF, actually a lot of help. This whole dating thing has pretty much never gone well for me, I'm still apart of
I've had only one gf in grade 10 during my 22 years of life and that didn't last long at all. I chalk this up mainly towards my childhood growing up. I was fat and getting constantly made of didn't help me feel any better about myself. My self consciousness about my weight allowed me to balloon up to 275lb at one point(freshman year in college) since then I've lost much of that weight, but never to the point where I felt good enough in my own skin(I'm 6'0 210lb now btw). This year(you know since we're all gonna die in the next 12 months ) I want to finally face my fears and get myself a girl a break this unmanliness that I've had to live with. It's also my last year of undergrad, so after this year the amount of girls to choose from will probably thin out by a lot.
My main problem is that I never know what the hell to say when talking. When I say that I mean I never exactly know what to do to take it to the next level. Since losing much of my weight initially(I got down to 185 at one point, I'm once again trying to get down to 175lb) I've noticed there have been ample opportunities of me being able to get it, but I wasn't able to capitalize on the opportunity. Sometimes it was based on principle(ie girl I'm 99.99% sure was interested in me and invited me to spend the night was my best friends former fling) Most of the girls in my circle of friends are simply too tied up within our social network that trying to get with them would simply make shit awkward if they said no, or make shit awkward if they said yes.
Pretty much my problem is this, how do you find women outside your main circle of friends? And what approach do you need to use to take that next step, I find that most of the time I end up in the friend zone, or if an opportunity is presented I fuck up because I don't know what to do to seize it.
Yes, I know this post is random as fuck.
virginGAF and have yet to be kissed.
) I want to finally face my fears and get myself a girl a break this unmanliness that I've had to live with. It's also my last year of undergrad, so after this year the amount of girls to choose from will probably thin out by a lot. My main problem is that I never know what the hell to say when talking. When I say that I mean I never exactly know what to do to take it to the next level. Since losing much of my weight initially(I got down to 185 at one point, I'm once again trying to get down to 175lb) I've noticed there have been ample opportunities of me being able to get it, but I wasn't able to capitalize on the opportunity. Sometimes it was based on principle(ie girl I'm 99.99% sure was interested in me and invited me to spend the night was my best friends former fling) Most of the girls in my circle of friends are simply too tied up within our social network that trying to get with them would simply make shit awkward if they said no, or make shit awkward if they said yes.
Pretty much my problem is this, how do you find women outside your main circle of friends? And what approach do you need to use to take that next step, I find that most of the time I end up in the friend zone, or if an opportunity is presented I fuck up because I don't know what to do to seize it.
Yes, I know this post is random as fuck.
Omegasquash
Member
Can't believe I'm posting this, but I need some help GAF, actually a lot of help. This whole dating thing has pretty much never gone well for me, I'm still apart ofI've had only one gf in grade 10 during my 22 years of life and that didn't last long at all. I chalk this up mainly towards my childhood growing up. I was fat and getting constantly made of didn't help me feel any better about myself. My self consciousness about my weight allowed me to balloon up to 275lb at one point(freshman year in college) since then I've lost much of that weight, but never to the point where I felt good enough in my own skin(I'm 6'0 210lb now btw). This year(you know since we're all gonna die in the next 12 monthsvirginGAF and have yet to be kissed.
My main problem is that I never know what the hell to say when talking. When I say that I mean I never exactly know what to do to take it to the next level. Since losing much of my weight initially(I got down to 185 at one point, I'm once again trying to get down to 175lb) I've noticed there have been ample opportunities of me being able to get it, but I wasn't able to capitalize on the opportunity. Sometimes it was based on principle(ie girl I'm 99.99% sure was interested in me and invited me to spend the night was my best friends former fling) Most of the girls in my circle of friends are simply too tied up within our social network that trying to get with them would simply make shit awkward if they said no, or make shit awkward if they said yes.
Pretty much my problem is this, how do you find women outside your main circle of friends? And what approach do you need to use to take that next step, I find that most of the time I end up in the friend zone, or if an opportunity is presented I fuck up because I don't know what to do to seize it.
Yes, I know this post is random as fuck.
First things first, don't sweat the past man, you can't change it. The good part is, you can stop it from changing you and take some control (something you're highly capable of doing, given your example of weight loss).
As for your main problem, I don't mean to sound like the coach from Punch-Out rubbing your shoulder here...when you graduate, the world is going to open up a little bit more. You're going to be exposed to people outside of your circle, and that's something to take advantage of and be optimistic about. As for the detailed stuff, that's likely best left to those with expertise, but on the real man...you'll get there. I was lots (LOTS AND LOTS) like you, and it was after I graduated that something good came my way.
Thanks for the confidence boost. I always thought college was the end all be all of dating, just because everyone I talk to always says that college is the perfect time to be sexually active simply because there are so many girls, and after that you're pretty screwed. Right now though it seems the grass is pretty thin on my side as the only girls I can meet are those in my classes and I always get into the problem of only being able to talk about topics related to school with them and nothing else.
MutantCyborg
Member
Hey GAF, I need to get this off my chest..
I just saw my. . . well, now ex-girlfriend, a few minutes ago. She wants to break up. She says she just doesn't feel it anymore and she doesn't think it should continue because of this (She does not cite any other problems other than this). Let me say this now, This is the ONLY girl I have ever actually liked.Pretty much typical college set-up, I pretty much fell hard for this girls looks, charm and personality. I still cant think of moving on, I mean I still like her. She isn't a popular girl so I know this wasn't set-up in anyway or that she was faking liking me to get attention.
What do I do? I just need some advice.. I plan on talking to her later tonight and just speaking my mind about the relationship. I would love it to stay in a relationship with this girl, I just have a feeling that it will never happen.
I just saw my. . . well, now ex-girlfriend, a few minutes ago. She wants to break up. She says she just doesn't feel it anymore and she doesn't think it should continue because of this (She does not cite any other problems other than this). Let me say this now, This is the ONLY girl I have ever actually liked.Pretty much typical college set-up, I pretty much fell hard for this girls looks, charm and personality. I still cant think of moving on, I mean I still like her. She isn't a popular girl so I know this wasn't set-up in anyway or that she was faking liking me to get attention.
What do I do? I just need some advice.. I plan on talking to her later tonight and just speaking my mind about the relationship. I would love it to stay in a relationship with this girl, I just have a feeling that it will never happen.
Sanky Panky
Banned
Sorry bro, once the feeling is gone, that's it. Even if down the road she changes her mind, do you want your life partner and soul mate to be a fluke that has a change of heart every once in a while?
Talk it out if you need closure, but don't beg her to get back with you. Don't even try. You can both be adults and talk what did and didn't work, so you can learn from the experience. I'm guessing you are just out college/still in college, and I too had my first serious relationship for 3 years during that time. I learned about things that I liked and didn't like from a relationship, and had the time of my life after that. You move on, and you'll see that there are dozens of girls whom you can have great chemistry and relationships.
As someone who has been the one to break up, I can tell you that the most hurtful thing you can do to her (if you want) is to cut her out COMPLETELY of your life, no contact, no facebook, NOTHING. Resist the urge. She'll come crawling back, but at that point, consider how she fell out of love before easily.
I'll leave others to say "found new dick" too.
If a girl doesn't want to be with you, accept it and be grateful she was honest and upfront about it. She could've easily been a coward and gone on the hunt for new dick, but it seems she didn't.
It sucks, but you'll get over it with time. If this is the first girl you've ever liked, take comfort in the fact that there are a lot of girls out there with the same great qualities. You need to move on in order to find them though.
All the best, MutantCyborg.
It sucks, but you'll get over it with time. If this is the first girl you've ever liked, take comfort in the fact that there are a lot of girls out there with the same great qualities. You need to move on in order to find them though.
All the best, MutantCyborg.
MutantCyborg
Member
Hey, thanks for caring. I doubt she "found new dick" but if she did, hey good for her. Are you suggesting to cut her from my life? I mean we had a group for lunch for the longest time. How should I react in this situation? (The group is mostly her friends, but some have called me a friend before) I feel as if I should not sit near the group anymore because everyone there, except for her, are just acquaintances to me.
She gave me the line of "I still would like to be friends, but I don't think this will work out anymore."
What does this change? Should I still be friends, or is this just tormenting myself for the rest of the time I can see her?
PS - I know I'm being a super bitch right now.. lol
Hate to shatter the confidence, but things only get worse post-college. Opportunities to meet women go down significantly. Whereas college is a target rich environment where you don't have to work at it, you have to seek out new places and events to meet people afterwards.
I suggest getting out of your comfort zone and trying to find success while you're still in college. Do you have any male friends who can help you with what to do/what you're doing wrong?
I was told this too.
During college I didn't go out much at all, and I hope when I have a job (yes, I still don't have a job) that I'll have the time to go out and party.
It never really happened in college due to my friends, but hopefully I'll have a chance to sometime in my life.
Edit:
:'(
The life I never lived will never happen, what a shame.
Sanky Panky
Banned
The hardest part of break-ups is sometimes the people in between. If they are mostly her friends, move on from them too, and you might find that there are more interesting things out there to do for lunch for example. If you are really close to any of them, I'd say have them as friends, but simply avoid any mention/contact with her. You'll be curious as shit as to what she's up to, but resist the urge.
The whole "We should still be friends" thing is an excuse for her to not feel as shitty for breaking up with you. It's purely self-serving. She cares for you as a friend, you both have shared many things together, and I'm sure you still provide her with some confort. She wants to keep that going, but with the freedom to sleep around with other dudes if she wishes. DO NOT agree to this. It can only be bad for you, and keep you from moving on.
Don't give her the pleasure to pick and chose how she can use you. On the flip side, some people can remain friends with the exes, but that usually comes from both mutually agreeing to break up.
The bolded.
You're not being a super bitch. You just got broken up with. It's understandable that you're feeling down.
I'd recommend that you respectfully state that you want several months of space away from her. Just calmly explain that you don't want to be friends for now, nor do you want to go to her group lunches anymore; not because you "hate" her, but simply because space is the only way you'll get past it faster. (You're not going to do this, I know. But you can look back on this advice later and say, "Fuck, being friends with her after the break up was the worst. I should've stuck up for myself and followed soultron's advice.")
Seconding this. Make use of college while you still can, because it does only get more difficult and you'll regret not having done so.
Now if only I could say the same thing about my current state of affairs.
Atramental
Banned
Fuck. Fuck! FUCK!
Once I get back to my university I guess I'll try hooking up with that girl I know from my high school. We're both graphic design students and we're both kinda nerdy so I think we'll have some things in common. Nothing too serious will probably develop between us but at least I'll get some much needed "practice".
MutantCyborg
Member
Thanks man. Talking to someone really helps me decide what to do. I think I'm just going to talk to her later today and hopefully get some closure. I'm not sure what will happen during this talk, but Im probably going to spill my guts about what I felt.
Any tips on getting over her after we talk?
Thanks again.
hah, thanks for making me laugh.
I will follow your advice and stay away from her for at least a month or so. The hardest part will be the random run-ins.. I guess I will just ignore her.
Thank you.
Eggo's right but don't flip the fuck out.
When something isn't given to you, you have to get out there and create the opportunities for yourself. This is why we suggest, over and over, that you get involved with special interest groups, get outside your comfort zones and try new things, and so on.
Yes, start using the time you have in college/university. But don't think that once it's over you're never going to have success with women. You'll have to work a bit harder, sure. But all hope's not lost.
When something isn't given to you, you have to get out there and create the opportunities for yourself. This is why we suggest, over and over, that you get involved with special interest groups, get outside your comfort zones and try new things, and so on.
Yes, start using the time you have in college/university. But don't think that once it's over you're never going to have success with women. You'll have to work a bit harder, sure. But all hope's not lost.
MutantCyborg, you're going to need longer than a month. Don't be rude in your avoidance of her. Just be civil. Keep any run-in short and to the point.
Also, delete her from social networking and your phone. This advice is repeated from time and time again. You're making a crucial mistake if you don't do this. You're going to be exposed to a lot of information about her that's counter-productive to you getting over her.
You need to control the flow of information about her by minimizing your points of contact with her and the duration of contact. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. If you're only running into her in public and quickly exchanging hellos and something like, "Good luck with exams," you're not going to find out about the new dude(s) she's seeing. Know what I mean?
The important take-away is that you need to take control of this situation to minimize the time you spend moping over a lost cause. You have better things to do in life right now: doing well in school, hanging with your friends, and meeting other/new women. Don't let someone who doesn't have feelings for you anymore hold you back from this.
Also, delete her from social networking and your phone. This advice is repeated from time and time again. You're making a crucial mistake if you don't do this. You're going to be exposed to a lot of information about her that's counter-productive to you getting over her.
You need to control the flow of information about her by minimizing your points of contact with her and the duration of contact. Out of sight, out of mind, as they say. If you're only running into her in public and quickly exchanging hellos and something like, "Good luck with exams," you're not going to find out about the new dude(s) she's seeing. Know what I mean?
The important take-away is that you need to take control of this situation to minimize the time you spend moping over a lost cause. You have better things to do in life right now: doing well in school, hanging with your friends, and meeting other/new women. Don't let someone who doesn't have feelings for you anymore hold you back from this.
FallingEdge
Member
MutantCyborg
Member
Got it. Thanks for the help, as you can probably tell its been the first breakup that actually means something to me..
I have another question, when I do come to terms with the break-up what is a good "wait-time" until I ask out another girl? I don't plan on it for a little bit now, but I think it would be good to know. Is it something I will just know? or is the time once I don't think about her anymore?
There's no such thing as a correct "wait-time," but a good rule of thumb is half the time you dated the girl. If you're a freshman in college, chances are your relationship was maximum 4 months, correct?
MutantCyborg
Member
About 4 months would be correct, damn I fell hard for her didn't I?.
I could say the same thing about my first university GF. Don't sweat it.
MutantCyborg
Member
I just decided that I don't need to talk to her. Talking it out with you and Sanky Panky helped tremendously. I just deleted her from everything I had her on and I feel better.... Wish me luck with this.
Thanks guys!
IMHO not entirely true. There's still a lot of opportunities to meet women. You just have to actively seek them out. In college you'd get into so much random shit and meet new people simply by being there. Make use of this as much as possible and dive straight into it.
But if college is over you'll have a job, more money and still plenty of time to do stuff you like. And meet people there. Perhaps it's different in big cities, but where I live there's people from 18 to.... 35 doing cool stuff. If you're willing to go out there and not just sit at home everything is definitely not lost.
Oh and good luck MutantCyborg!
Oh, I know they'll get worse, I was just talking about the confidence boost in general. I know no friends that would be able to help me in this situation except one, maybe, but he has a gf currently.
RelentlessRolento
Member
I left my hometown in Miami and moved to Gainesville for my masters at UF and have to say a new city and job/college/social really open up alot I never had back home.
Gainesville girls are 10x easier to hook up with then in Miami. Plus the fact that the university pays me good now allows me to buy drinks for women now, though I need to do it more.
Still wondering if there's a matchmaking thread here on GAF. Would like to meet some UF girl GAFs
There is, but stay away from it, it's a pure sausage fest
But this is an exponentially more difficult and daunting task for someone that is completely inexperienced in being sociable and confident. If the person has little to no experience with knowing what to do or how to behave/react/interact (not to mention is likely terrified inside about the mere prospect of interacting without any certainty), then it's a little unrealistic to expect them to be able to go into new situations knowing that the odds are stacked heavily against them. It'd be more safe and secure not to make an attempt with inevitable failure and the allure of taking that out is very huge.
And if a person suffers from anxiety/panic/depression, well, that's a whole other level of additional stuff to deal with on top of what has already been said.
RelentlessRolento
Member
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
I've been dating this girl for nearly a month.... and neither of us has added each other on Facebook. It's awesome.
I have nothing to hide, but Facebook x Relationships just adds drama. No more awkward exchanges with ex-girlfriends or whatev. No more relationship status crap.
My new policy is no going "halfway" with girls. Just meet them for the first time, make them girlfriends, and if not, say goodbye. The whole half-way friends "will they, won't they" stuff just never works.... Facebook seems like a great place to friendzone people, in a way... so I'm gonna keep dating options far away from friend lists It's kind of hard to explain but it seems so much simpler like this....
I have nothing to hide, but Facebook x Relationships just adds drama. No more awkward exchanges with ex-girlfriends or whatev. No more relationship status crap.
My new policy is no going "halfway" with girls. Just meet them for the first time, make them girlfriends, and if not, say goodbye. The whole half-way friends "will they, won't they" stuff just never works.... Facebook seems like a great place to friendzone people, in a way... so I'm gonna keep dating options far away from friend lists
It's kind of hard to explain but it seems so much simpler like this....ShockingAlberto
Member
"I've been working on some media projects."
samus i am
Member
I would be coy and say "Wouldn't you like to know?" in a jovial yet somewhat mischievous tone. Then I would say, "So anyways...." and immediately switch the subject.
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Own it. Frame it as a positive hobby.
I knew it was going to get harder, but just the way it was worded was mostly negative.
There were many reasons I didn't have much luck in college, them being my OCD, confidence issues, and also the fact I lived at home.
It also didn't help that in the UK you only focus on your subject, and thus you're with the same people all the time. That meant that during the 3 years of college, I was with the same group of people day in day out. The only ways to meet new people were either in the hallways, canteen or at events (which there were very little of, and even when they happened my friends were reluctant to go to them). I was starting to make some progress in the 2nd year, but 3rd year of college sucked any confidence I had out of me.
I'll be trying to join some classes, get a job, be in a band, and keep fit amongst other things. All of which I hope will help.
Anyway I've just got to remain positive, but it's hard when you hear negativity.
I suffer with anxiety from OCD, so I know I'm one to talk, but your attitude is all wrong man.
Be positive and try some new things.
got another date next week with the same girl. I want to escalate our physical relationship a notch. She comes from a conservative family, very traditional--and I'm surprised we even got this far. We were making out for almost an hour earlier this week.
Anyways, how do I escalate if we're making out in the car or something? I was touching her body, touching her tits, and she was moaning and giggling the whole time. Should I put my hands up her shirt next time or just plop myself on top of her? I normally know what to do, but this is a girl I actually have serious feelings for--not a random.
Also what's with the giggling?
Anyways, how do I escalate if we're making out in the car or something? I was touching her body, touching her tits, and she was moaning and giggling the whole time. Should I put my hands up her shirt next time or just plop myself on top of her? I normally know what to do, but this is a girl I actually have serious feelings for--not a random.
Also what's with the giggling?
Ninja_Hawk
Member
You'll find girls wherever you go. You mean where can you go to meet girls by circumstance, so things don't seem quite so random. The popular answer is clubs/bar, but really any place where you feel you can be social (if you want me to elaborate on that, I shall).Can't believe I'm posting this, but I need some help GAF, actually a lot of help. This whole dating thing has pretty much never gone well for me, I'm still apart ofI've had only one gf in grade 10 during my 22 years of life and that didn't last long at all. I chalk this up mainly towards my childhood growing up. I was fat and getting constantly made of didn't help me feel any better about myself. My self consciousness about my weight allowed me to balloon up to 275lb at one point(freshman year in college) since then I've lost much of that weight, but never to the point where I felt good enough in my own skin(I'm 6'0 210lb now btw). This year(you know since we're all gonna die in the next 12 monthsvirginGAF and have yet to be kissed.
My main problem is that I never know what the hell to say when talking. When I say that I mean I never exactly know what to do to take it to the next level. Since losing much of my weight initially(I got down to 185 at one point, I'm once again trying to get down to 175lb) I've noticed there have been ample opportunities of me being able to get it, but I wasn't able to capitalize on the opportunity. Sometimes it was based on principle(ie girl I'm 99.99% sure was interested in me and invited me to spend the night was my best friends former fling) Most of the girls in my circle of friends are simply too tied up within our social network that trying to get with them would simply make shit awkward if they said no, or make shit awkward if they said yes.
Pretty much my problem is this, how do you find women outside your main circle of friends? And what approach do you need to use to take that next step, I find that most of the time I end up in the friend zone, or if an opportunity is presented I fuck up because I don't know what to do to seize it.
Yes, I know this post is random as fuck.
As far as taking that next step goes, you just need to assert yourself and be forward about what you want. You're a man, and you're the man to any girl you want, this should be your mindset anyways, its what she'll want out of you. Introduce yourself, compliment her, have a nice chat about her, yourself, something you've observed..whatever you think is interesting or she'll find interesting. Invite her out somewhere, give her your number, tell her to call/text you so you have hers. Boom.
Don't worry, don't overanalyze, don't take things personally or too seriously, be yourself, trust yourself, and you'll be fine.
Future PhaZe
Member
I know where you're at. I was at a point where I felt like something was just missing and it's when I disappeared from XBL for a bit and basically spent every night off of work surfing dating sites and trying to become as physically active as I could on the weekends.
I met that amazing girl and things feel great right now. Keep your head up.
Sanky Panky
Banned
Good job meing. Getting into a relationship now is bad, but a rebound lay is some of the best therapy around. I wish I was in college on a friday/sat night again.
After grabbing boobies and kissing the neck a lot, grab her hand and put it in your crotch. U better be "up" for the task if you know what I mean.
Sanky Panky
Banned
crap double post
Please
Only place I know is bars/clubs and i suck at those places as I never have a willable wingman with me. Classes are terrible because all I can talk about is shit related to school, so it never goes anywhere beyond classroom friends.
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