A long time ago (but after Return of the Jedi), in a galaxy far, far away...
Opening Crawl:
Star Wars
Episode VII (7)
The Force Awakens
This Star Wars takes place after EPISODE SIX.
Han and Leia had a kid, but broke up after that.
LUKE SKYWALKER tried to teach the kid to become a jedi.
He turned BAD, and turned into a LESS POWERFUL DARTH VADER.
Now some guy is trying to find out where Luke is hanging out.
End of the opening crawl.
The camera pans down. We see a planet, and a Star Destroyer moves into view. Inside, amidst flashing lights, we see Stormtroopers getting ready to land.
Finn: Man, I know I went to the Stormtrooper Academy, the one that they opened since they stopped using the clones that you folks at home may have seen in STAR WARS EPISODE 2: ATTACK OF THE CLONES, but right now I'm not sure I want to be a Stormtrooper anymore.
Stormfriend: Hey man, don't worry about it. I'm your best friend! We met in the Stormtrooper Academy, and now we can't get enough of each other. I sure hope nothing bad happens to me on this mission, because that would cause you to lose all faith in our cause.
Finn: It sure would!
Female Stormleader: Get ready fellow Stormtroopers! We are approaching the planet of Jakku! It's a planet, and we, stormtroopers of the evil empire, are on a mission. Also, I am a woman, as I have breasts. I got them at the occasion of my birth.
- some time later -
Stormfriend: Oh no, I've been killed by this laser blast! Now I'm dying!
Finn: Oh no, you're my best friend and now you're dead. This event is starting to make me doubt all my life choices. Perhaps I should consider quitting.
etc.