While OP has some explaining to do at work, I do hate this recent re-definition of stalking. Doing a search one time isn't stalking, it's doing a search. Even looking at the definitions of stalking and Internet stalking (doing a quick Google stalk) says repeatedly for the purpose of harassment.
I think including easy searches in stalking distorts actual stalking, which is a serious problem. It doesn't change the fact that OP fucked up, though.
While OP has some explaining to do at work, I do hate this recent re-definition of stalking. Doing a search one time isn't stalking, it's doing a search.
I agree. According to the "Violence Against Women and Department of Justice Reauthorization Act of 2005" the definition is as such:
The term 'stalking' means engaging in a course of conduct directed at a specific person that would cause a reasonable person to—(A) fear for his or her safety or the safety of others; or (B) suffer substantial emotional distress."
OP dry snitching on himself and the inevitable backlash are true GAF thread gold.
Jaded, you basically fucked up and there isn't really a way to clean up your tainted reputation at work. I'm gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and hope you aren't one of those socially maladjusted STEM types — But here are some tips for the future:
- Most people who stalk don't see what they are doing as stalking, however from the victim's point of view you crossed a line. Ackowledge that and apologise.
- You should have kept your detectiveGAF tendencies restricted to GAF. And even then, if you feel the need to detectiveGAF someone... ignore the urge.
- a lot of people generally make small talk when they don't know much about they other person. Don't take it as too much of a personal interest in you other than them being polite.
- If someone doesn't give you info about themselves in real life, then don't go looking for it elsewhere.
- Respect boundaries. If you are unsure of where a boundary is then refer to point above and adapt it.
If you can't do any of these and it continues to be awkward for you at work, then consider a move to a HR/recruitment job working on background checks
lol You expected people to share similar stories in this thread? Even if some members were creepy enough to have those kinds of stories, by the lack of such posts it's at least evident that none of them lack the common sense to not tell others, unlike you.
A few months ago I started a new job and before I finished training a young woman who knew me for less than a few minutes of small talk asked "Do you have a girlfriend?", something at the time I took for a signal. The next day I said we should grab food and gave her my number.
The next day I found a website that taught me finding information about people doesn't take even the hours or creditcard info I thought it did :
Apparently you can find someone's email, phone number, date of birth, which political party they're associated and home address. I was curious who I could find and search myself, my roommate, my cousin in the same apartment complex as me, my mom and even a few coworkers. The only one I couldn't find was my mom curiously, with most having their home address.
Today in free time the same girl asked my birthday, to which I said July, she said hers too, and I said I know since - while her address never even registered in my brain more than a half second - i retained "Oh same birth month".
GAF going ballistic again as it looks for any example of a social faux pas masquerading as thread meltdown.
We've all done stupid things like this. Sometimes I just think that GAF is populated by a bunch of white hats who were born with an Aristolean level of ethical integrity.
GAF going ballistic again as it looks for any example of a social faux pas masquerading as thread meltdown.
We've all done stupid things like this. Sometimes I just think that GAF is populated by a bunch of white hats who were born with an Aristolean level of ethical integrity.
I Googled a few aquantaince out of curiosity (actually exclusively immediate family members now that I think about it), I don't use Internet services to find out where my coworkers lived. I certainly don't brag about it.
I mean, you weren't stalking her in the same way hiding her wallet wouldn't be stealing from her. Sure, you didn't get anything out of it, but it still made her uncomfortable.
One time I was opening up to a girl I had been dating and told her about some shady shit I did back when I was younger and she never talked to me again. No stalky tho.
You sure like to blame others for your behaviour. They didn't miss the mark that you were definitely cyber stalking and even pointed it out to the girl. Loads of people check Facebook and all that, but they play it chill so they don't get caught out for their weird behaviour.
I do remember OP displaying other weird behaviour in the past, like when he once detailed how much money he spent on dates ($600 and $1000) and what maybe expecting a relationship because of the money investment? lol
Spent over $600 going to Universal, grand dinners, fancy romantic day trips with a girl who said she wasn't ready for a relationship at the start of November; As of today she posted pictures with her new relationship : A creepy older guy from work (last i knew he was married ) who spends half his shift sensually rubbing the back of our young bartender (also in a relationship with a kid). I guess they're dating now?
Last romance interest was a girl in NC (I'm from FL) who is the sister of a close friend, I met her when said close friend got married. Spent $1000 this summer to see her for a week and have fun but obvious distance proved too much and our nightly hour-long facetime sessions fizzled out. She's back with her ex : They have a 5 yo and were together for 7 years so I always felt like a pit-stop anyways.
My interest before that we dated for a few months until I found out she was pregnant from a short fling that happened when she ended her last serious long-term relationship. They tried to make it work but ultimately failed (because comon you were in it for the kid not love, why would it work).
I think sometimes you need to just step back and think maybe life has a bigger picture. Every interaction I've had I've been honest, forward and given my all : The first did me wrong, the second I understood but hurt, and the last was just life. A myriad of different reasons I'm here all alone. I'm not bitter, that's the past, all I can focus on is the future. I'll find someone or die trying.
Always forward.
Online dating is exhausting bullshit.
You can do this. We can do this.
General advice - and what I'm doing - is work out, eat right, find other hobbies and just put yourself out there; If one route isn't working try another. Personally I'm trying to start some game-night meetups and expanding who joins.
I feel for you OP, you were curious. Nothing bad about that. You just weren't playing by the "social convention" rules. Some people can make a drama out of it, it also means that girl is not the right person for you .
Just doing an internet search and looking them up in a database you know is filled with private information because you just looked up multiple friends and family members, are 2 very different things.
If you see hundreds of peoples birthdays then that likely means you have no especial connection to these people at all. This is someone OP actually knows.
In the time of online information it's hard to not know a lot more than you're "supposed to". The trick is to act as if you don't know what you're socially supposed to know. As someone who is very aware of their online presence it's hard not to know how present others are. You become aware. But with that knowledge comes a responsibilty.
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