Jawmuncher
Member
Actually got a number today after talking for a bit. Curious to see how that goes.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
I've been talking to this girl I matched with for about 4 days now, and it got weird. The chat sent my bullshit detector into the red. Did some digging, and found the following: the girl who owns the pics and name lives states away...the girl is married to a guy...the girl has a blog chronicling her cheating escapades, with pics stolen from elsewhere. Besides the name and life details, there's no picture evidence its her...
Either I got tangled up with a couple who gets off on random dudes lusting after the wife, or I'm being catfished by some weirdo who stole this woman's pics and life details, and cobbled together this fantasy of her being a cheater.
I'm super annoyed it happened, but I'm curious where they try to take it.
Either I got tangled up with a couple who gets off on random dudes lusting after the wife, or I'm being catfished by some weirdo who stole this woman's pics and life details, and cobbled together this fantasy of her being a cheater.
I'm super annoyed it happened, but I'm curious where they try to take it.
You've been chatting for two months? If you've been chatting often for that amount of time then there is obviously some connection there. I wouldn't worry about it mate. I know it can be intimidating and things could be different in person, but I find if I can chat to someone for that amount of time online, when the face to face meet comes along its usually a very good experience.
In my own news, my Latvian friend is just that, a friend. She told me what has really been going on with her last night. It's cool though. I actually find her fun to chat with and don't mind just being a bit of an agony uncle for her. The help of a stranger can sometimes do wonders. If I didn't have a huge amount of time on my hands I probably wouldn't be bothering but eh, can't help being an awesome dude even to complete strangers.
ZackieChan
Member
Goddamn, why are you waiting so long to meet up?
He matched this girl during the summer, right before she left for an internship. She comes back to town soon, for a month, and then leaves again for school.
ZackieChan
Member
Ahh, OK. Seems like a bad idea to get very hung up in that case, then.
Jawmuncher
Member
It's so weird getting blocked by users in POF for no reason. I mean it's not much of a loss or anything, but it's so odd to just ask someone a simple question and be blocked. I never send more than one message either so it's not like I'm spamming them. I just find out when I scroll through and click someone on accident I already sent a message to.
Like I said it's not a big deal or anything, but it's odd.
Like I said it's not a big deal or anything, but it's odd.
Pasta_Soup
Member
Successful dating starts at knowing your own value and displaying it through your actions.
For anyone struggling with discovering their personal value, I suggest making a simple list of all the things you're proud of or what you can offer to others in a relationship.
Also - it's always a good idea to transform that intimidation into inspiration! Schedule a trip to a new place or take on a new hobby to expand yourself!
Try your best not to enter the date with a feeling of inadequacy in mind, as it will surely bleed through your actions.
It's not that odd. I can see why women (or anyone) would just block people they aren't interested in. Let's them avoid any potential hateful/aggressive messages from bigoted guys that throw a fit when their messages aren't responded to.
It probably also makes it easier to wade through the masses of options when you can permanently hide profiles you aren't into (though I'm not familiar with POF so I don't know if it actually does this).
Cannot wait for your dating questions revolving around the exciting world of BDSM.
Sent a message and got back the following reply:
Why bother replying or checking out my profile in the first place then? I was going to reply and say that I think she was being dismissive but I didn't want to bother so I deleted the message. The last thing I would want is to end up on Reddit or some other website.
Why bother replying or checking out my profile in the first place then? I was going to reply and say that I think she was being dismissive but I didn't want to bother so I deleted the message. The last thing I would want is to end up on Reddit or some other website.
To be polite? And maybe she checked your profile and concluded that you weren't a match potential.
I wouldn't reply to every girl who messaged me that I wasn't interested in to be polite. Nobody is owed a reply. I don't know why this bothered me in the first place other than the fact that I might have tweaked my profile too much lately.
I think it's more polite to reply, apparently that girl thinks the same.
I called out a guy who was trying to catfish me. After talking with him, he now wants to be my friend. I feel kinda sorry for the guy, but I can't abide with their decision to steal pics of "this girl he knows" so he can hear all the nasty stuff guys want to do to her. People online are weird...
On a few occasions we've had girls new to online dating talk about how weird they felt not responding to someone. Like it was rude to ignore them. Could be the same thing happening here.
On a few occasions we've had girls new to online dating talk about how weird they felt not responding to someone. Like it was rude to ignore them. Could be the same thing happening here.
Hahaha, I like the fact that you always end up in stranger than fiction scenarios. Dude sounds like quite the scumbag.
I think it was the fact that she was a hipster girl that bothered me the most but that's a damn good point you raise as well. I can respect that since it's not the first not the last time I've gotten a not interested message.
Jawmuncher
Member
I'm pretty sure I just got into something odd, but I'm gonna see where it goes.
I've Been on 10 tinder dates over the past year. It's been very draining experience mentally I feel even though it haven't been all bad experiences. I gained one friend, that I talk to and meet once a while. One wanted just one night stand. One wanted to meet again but I didn't see myself falling for her so I ended it. And the last 7 rejected me after one meeting.
ZackieChan
Member
Is she NeoGAF's TwoWords?
Holy shit haha.
Rollo Tomasi
Member
Has anyone here met anyone on gk2gk.com for a date or anything? I got a month membership there and it seems like most of the likes I get are all bots living in another state. I have a sneaking suspicion a lot of the profiles are fakes.
OKC doesn't seem to have this issue.
OKC doesn't seem to have this issue.
Just subscribed to plenty of fish, girl asked me if I want to have a sexy time on skype?
This is a scam right.
edit: would it be rude to block her? I'm kind of scared
edit2 : she blocked me problem solved ^^ pof is a scary place, not half an hour after registering two girls sent me messages, one of them blocked me after I told her I was a student, the other was probably a scam.
So many messages! they're all fake, aren't they.
This is a scam right.
edit: would it be rude to block her? I'm kind of scared
edit2 : she blocked me problem solved ^^ pof is a scary place, not half an hour after registering two girls sent me messages, one of them blocked me after I told her I was a student, the other was probably a scam.
So many messages! they're all fake, aren't they.
Hey join the club! I can't even count the number of dates I've been on from OKC vs the ones from Tinder, Bumble (2), and CMB (1) since thinking back makes my head hurt and seem like a blur factoring in all the numbers that never lead to meeting up and back and forth.
I feel like I've been on way too many first dates this year (at least 15) and only 2 second dates this year from OKC. 0 third dates. My date count on Tinder since reinstalling it in April has been 5 dates. None of them have lead to a second date either by choice---I ghosted 3/5 girls that had potential or as in the last two dates, being let down nicely. The girl I went out with last Friday that I agreed to be friends with never responded.
I think Aziz Ansari hit it on the nose with stating that people in today's age go on many first dates but never on second dates which is the real first date which is this generation's problem. It sucks as it's incredibly dismissive and it's something I've been guilty of as well but have been rectifying. Unfortunately, once one makes up their mind about a person, there's no changing their opinion to warrant a second date.
The platform that I have the highest success rate on is OKC when looking back even though it's been hit or miss as well but at I least I've gotten second dates from it. I still haven't figured out out Tinder mostly because I get the impression that most of the girls I've gone out with from there are not looking for hookups. They're looking for something more substantial which fall in line with what I'm looking for but it's never lead to anything beyond a first date.
In the end? What's my conclusion based on my miniature sociological experience as a single late 20s Hispanic man living in NYC who lives with family and gets gigs sporadically? Go on more dates until you find someone that's worth giving a hoot about and gives a hoot about you too enough to see the start of a relation organically begin to blossom. The other solution is simply to take a break from it and come back to it with a clean slate.
Online dating can make one incredibly jaded and cynical about dating in general and with good reason since it's fickle as sin. But in the end, just like in other areas in life, there will be more rejections to come but one just keeps rolling with the punches and keeps moving forward.
What's this reference again? Is this to the thread where dude asks why women don't reply to messages online dating messages stating that they're not interested?
The general consensus and my personal opinion is to stay far, far away from it since it's full of nothing but bots and/or fake profiles. The online person who found success from it was Ashodin and we all know how that thread went. Don't even bother with it. Keep to OKC since it's better moderated.
I'm not saying it was a scam but it was a scam and I read your edits.
ZackieChan
Member
Yep. Also, he is convinced he can't get dates online because he is black. He's letting the statistics dictate his rationalization, rather than making a better profile or better photos or looking inward. You're living proof that it's entirely possible to be ridiculously successful. You put me to shame, man.
Jawmuncher
Member
So I've been talking to someone only a little while over text. This isn't going to work out, but at this stage how do I end it? I don't want to ghost anyone.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Why?
They aren't actually people until they're in your life. As soon as you can accept that, this entire process is much, much easier. Besides, online dating is about signaling: not replying is telling someone that you aren't interested.
You're given the opportunity to know some details about someone before approaching them. Would you still just say "hey, sup?" or would you instead talk about what ya'll have in common?
Keep it short. Don't spill your guts. And don't, for the love of god, mention anything physical.
Oops a girl I ghosted on a website, liked my profile and sent me a message on a different website!
...and it seems she doesn't recall me if her message is anything to go by? I sent her a message back mentioning this(because it'd be too awkward to lie about this), hopefully she doesn't get too upset (her profile says she didn't like people ghosting her...)
...and it seems she doesn't recall me if her message is anything to go by? I sent her a message back mentioning this(because it'd be too awkward to lie about this), hopefully she doesn't get too upset (her profile says she didn't like people ghosting her...)
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Why on earth would you do this? What did you say? "Hi, it's Kurtofan. You contacted me before and I ignored you. Just letting you know that I'm still ignoring you."
What the fuck?
One, who cares if she's upset. Two, if you didn't want to make her upset, you just did.
You think? I didn't know what to say, I already liked her profile back (she didn't send me a message at the time, she only send it after I liked her profile, as a friendly gesture, I thought she knew who I was) and then she sent me a message, I said it was a funny coincidence and I apologized.
I mean it's the same picture and all ( I get ghosted and I don't take it bad. It's not like we met or anything, we barely talked.)
Date last night, went will I think. She seemed pretty shy, and didn't ask me a a lot but uh I had to be the one to sat ok it's time to go. Didn't really feel like she was giving me signals to go in for a kiss or be more physical, until I worked her to her door anyway. Dunno if the chemistry was there, but I'll see if she's down to hang again. Rare case were the person looked better in person.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than speak and remove all doubt."
Jawmuncher
Member
Ended up just sending her a text (texting was as far as it had went) and she was understanding. It was early on so nothing to lose really on both sides.
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Found out about some Android apps cuddli and Dragonfruit. More niche , but figured I'll give them a try all the same. Due to my area I'm kind of already out of the new people. I've basically have been through all the profiles of people within my radius....multiple times.
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Also I'm jealous of males eactuall getting messages sent to them. I've been having to do all the work. I've easily sent over 200 messages at this point I feel, with only 10℅ ever giving me a reply back it feels like. I think I need better pictures. I really don't like taking pictures.
ZackieChan
Member
I'm in Indianapolis for Gen Con, and Tinder is bare as hell. What a shit show. So this is how the other half lives?
Jawmuncher
Member
Welcome to my world
out of curiosity, how'd you make out in Pittsburgh during your visit?
ZackieChan
Member
Luckily I'm off to greener pastures Monday. However, I'm talking to a single mom now, but she may not be able to get a sitter this weekend to meet up.
Edit: terrible, Salamando. Had some matches, but didn't really find anyone attractive. I'm a generous, but regretful, swiper on Tinder.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I'm on another online dating hiatus because I just went on a 5th or 6th date with this non-profit lawyer I'm seeing -- just an hour to hook up at her place because she has an early flight tomorrow -- but keep in mind, just because some of us get messages doesn't mean they're worth responding to. Also basically fading (and trying to friend) an Asian girl who's way too into me.
I've probably gotten a hundred messages, and I've responded to like, three. I found most unattractive. Some I DQ'd because of the message content. Other times, I was just busy and time passed.
Anyway, if you have 20 conversations out of 200 messages, that ratio's not bad.
Is moving an option? I feel that way too about the DC area and OKCupid, but this is probably a Tinder city.
Date seemed to go well today. I took her on a picnic downtown. Temperatures were high, but we managed to find some shade and a nice breeze started. Then we got some ice cream to cool down.
I'm not a great conversationalist so I just tried to keep her talking which seemed to go well. She's chatty and I prefer to listen so it works out. We had a few points of silence, but they didn't last long. It felt like a real life version of one of our texting sessions which was nice, but made things difficult to tell if there was really any chemistry behind that small talk.
I just wanted to get used to being around her in person so I didn't try any kind of physical contact or kissing which may have been the wrong move. She hugged me 4 times. Once when we met, and 3 more after I gave her a small birthday gift. I wondered if that was a missed signal, but they were kind of awkward hugs and the thank yous almost seemed forced too, but I could be wrong. Either she liked me and just didn't know how to thank me, or she didn't and felt like she had to. She went to her door after that so I couldn't walk her to it, but we did wave to each other before she went in.
I didn't portray myself as confident as I wanted. I'm self-conscious and a bit awkward and I think it shows. I asked her if she had fun and she said yes, but I think that forces her to say yes when she's on the spot like that.
I don't really know what I think of her yet. Lots to take in after imaging someone one way for 2 months. I'm giving myself a day to think about it, and I'll text her again if she doesn't first.
I'm not a great conversationalist so I just tried to keep her talking which seemed to go well. She's chatty and I prefer to listen so it works out. We had a few points of silence, but they didn't last long. It felt like a real life version of one of our texting sessions which was nice, but made things difficult to tell if there was really any chemistry behind that small talk.
I just wanted to get used to being around her in person so I didn't try any kind of physical contact or kissing which may have been the wrong move. She hugged me 4 times. Once when we met, and 3 more after I gave her a small birthday gift. I wondered if that was a missed signal, but they were kind of awkward hugs and the thank yous almost seemed forced too, but I could be wrong. Either she liked me and just didn't know how to thank me, or she didn't and felt like she had to. She went to her door after that so I couldn't walk her to it, but we did wave to each other before she went in.
I didn't portray myself as confident as I wanted. I'm self-conscious and a bit awkward and I think it shows. I asked her if she had fun and she said yes, but I think that forces her to say yes when she's on the spot like that.
I don't really know what I think of her yet. Lots to take in after imaging someone one way for 2 months. I'm giving myself a day to think about it, and I'll text her again if she doesn't first.
Smh
How the hell is liking someone back after ghosting her a friendly gesture? Why are you so worried she might be upset? Why are you posting this embarrassing shit here? Your thought process is baffling.
In my defense, she "liked" me first, I thought she would know...
That really is no defense at all. You ghosted her in the first place. That meant you did not want to talk to her, correct? So why are you talking to her now?
Jawmuncher
Member
Well it's good that it's at least not a horrible percentage then. As for moving, it's in the cards but probably not for another year.
Guilt?
Over what?
What a shitty self centered view. You really have no idea how to interact with people.
You (supposedly) already made her feel bad by ghosting. What do you think messaging her back saying "oh I already blocked you on another site" is going to do?
So basically you're making her feel worse so you can avail yourself of some guilt. Bravo.
It wasn't due to guilt, the guilt I'm feeling it now after posting here lol. I didn't say I blocked her, just said I didn't continue the conversation.
At first I genuinely thought she remembered who I was, this website's likes are called "winks" so I thought it was just for fun, for the coincidence of it all. Sorry if this wasn't clear.
When I winked her back, she sent me a message and then I realized she didn't remember who I was, so I was fucked, should I just ghost her again (weird after liking her) or should I try talking...
I think there wasn't a good way to solve this.
At first I genuinely thought she remembered who I was, this website's likes are called "winks" so I thought it was just for fun, for the coincidence of it all. Sorry if this wasn't clear.
When I winked her back, she sent me a message and then I realized she didn't remember who I was, so I was fucked, should I just ghost her again (weird after liking her) or should I try talking...
I think there wasn't a good way to solve this.