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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
I just thought it would have been bad to ignore her twice. I hesitated though.
I wouldn't have replied if I thought she didn't remember me.
Whether she remembered you or not is irrelevant. Do you want to talk to her? If yes, why did you ghost her before? If no, why did you like/wink/whatever her back?
I'm guessing the scams got more elobarate on tindr since I've been gone. Had a couple girls message me, actually respond and name places in the area. seem like actual people and then boom. They hit me up with some sites to sign up to in order to intreact with them. One said she wanted to do some camera chat because guys have put up fakes pics before and she was tricked. Then sends me some shady website where I have to put up credit card info. Don't worry though guys she said it wouldn't charge me hahaha.
Why do i always get excited when I get a match (I'm extremely choosy) and then it's either a fake account asking me to go to some other site or she doesn't respond. This is getting on my nerves. I was happier before tbh.
And tinder doesn't want me to get laid anyhow, it shows me people from all over the world.
And tinder doesn't want me to get laid anyhow, it shows me people from all over the world.
Do you use the Quick match feature of OKC at all? Anyone who likes you is weighted to appear earlier in your potential matches. If you've been swiping left and right consistently, you've likely exhausted any girls that "liked you".
If you've got a good profile, are lazy, and live in a city, it's worth it though.
Man I'm such a douche...
Met a woman on a datingsite last week and all was fine, she was sweet and we exchanged phonenumbers fast and continued talking through WhatsApp. At one point her sweet messages made me all tingly inside and she said my messages felt really good too. We decided we should meet up. But first she asked if we could have a phonecall, fine with me I said and we would do so yesterday.
Then all of a sudden I'm starting to have doubts, she lives 30 miles from here, has a kid already... Why am I even doing this? And after telling her last night I'm tired and don't want that call I told her today that I'm done and don't even want to have contact anymore... Of course she was disappointed and I understand completely, she even said she really liked me...
Anyway, I really wonder why I did this, am I THAT lonely that sweet messages from any woman give me good feelings, even though rationally I would not be interested in a woman with a kid who lives 45 minutes driving away from me? I feel so stupid and sad for her...
It also made me delete my datingsite profile and my Tinder and Happn accounts, it almost feels like I'm having an identity crisis or something lol.... Guess I should start looking for love again when I'm at a better point in life or so...
Met a woman on a datingsite last week and all was fine, she was sweet and we exchanged phonenumbers fast and continued talking through WhatsApp. At one point her sweet messages made me all tingly inside and she said my messages felt really good too. We decided we should meet up. But first she asked if we could have a phonecall, fine with me I said and we would do so yesterday.
Then all of a sudden I'm starting to have doubts, she lives 30 miles from here, has a kid already... Why am I even doing this? And after telling her last night I'm tired and don't want that call I told her today that I'm done and don't even want to have contact anymore... Of course she was disappointed and I understand completely, she even said she really liked me...
Anyway, I really wonder why I did this, am I THAT lonely that sweet messages from any woman give me good feelings, even though rationally I would not be interested in a woman with a kid who lives 45 minutes driving away from me? I feel so stupid and sad for her...
It also made me delete my datingsite profile and my Tinder and Happn accounts, it almost feels like I'm having an identity crisis or something lol.... Guess I should start looking for love again when I'm at a better point in life or so...
I'm worried I'm becoming addicted to the likes of Tinder, Bumble and OKC. I'm treating them like a game whenever I'm bored.
My other main problem is living in a rural area, meaning I'm having to drive a minimum of an hour into the city for each date, and it's daunting now at this stage.
And yet I keep doing it. I'm messaging about six girls right now that I like, two have asked to meet straight away, I have plans to meet another possibly this week, and the others seem nice and would be up for dates too.
Had a date on thursday. Nice girl, but I don't see it going anywhere. She gave me her number but I haven't messaged her on it yet.
Apologies if this seems like a stealth brag post, but I feel like I'm still not doing it "right". The girl I like the most is chatty when texting but I still haven't met her. Week one when I brought it up she said "definitely" and gave me her number to arrange something. I was abroad that weekend so I couldn't go. This weekend she was busy with stuff too so she was unavailable this time. I was also busy last week and didn't get to text her much. I haven't brought it up since. I'll mention it tonight, and see if I can pop over after work some evening for a coffee.
It sucks cos Best Girl(tm) lives almost two hours away from me. At the minute she seems worth it, but it could get tiring in the long run.
My other main problem is living in a rural area, meaning I'm having to drive a minimum of an hour into the city for each date, and it's daunting now at this stage.
And yet I keep doing it. I'm messaging about six girls right now that I like, two have asked to meet straight away, I have plans to meet another possibly this week, and the others seem nice and would be up for dates too.
Had a date on thursday. Nice girl, but I don't see it going anywhere. She gave me her number but I haven't messaged her on it yet.
Apologies if this seems like a stealth brag post, but I feel like I'm still not doing it "right". The girl I like the most is chatty when texting but I still haven't met her. Week one when I brought it up she said "definitely" and gave me her number to arrange something. I was abroad that weekend so I couldn't go. This weekend she was busy with stuff too so she was unavailable this time. I was also busy last week and didn't get to text her much. I haven't brought it up since. I'll mention it tonight, and see if I can pop over after work some evening for a coffee.
It sucks cos Best Girl(tm) lives almost two hours away from me. At the minute she seems worth it, but it could get tiring in the long run.
Okay false alarm, she was just offline for two days. When she came online I told her I'm glad she's not a fake account, then she asked why I thought that, I explained and that's it. So far. Just once it would be nice to match with someone who has a little initiative themselves. If they're shy then that's fine but who knows if it's that or they just don't give a fuck.
Oh well, I have an idea how to get things going.
Just sounds like you don't want to deal with a kid. I'd be the same, luckily I'm not at that age yet.
Don't give up, you've gotten much farther than me lol.
Oh well, I have an idea how to get things going.
Just sounds like you don't want to deal with a kid. I'd be the same, luckily I'm not at that age yet.
Don't give up, you've gotten much farther than me lol.
I don't think it's the kid, pretty certain it's me lol.
I mean 3 days ago I was happily texting with her, sending messages saying I really liked her so far, and it felt good too! She felt the same, and surely I know that without a meet nothing is certain but everything felt great. When we spoke about meeting soon nothing changed really, still felt great and looked forward to it.
But then the next day I started having all kinds of doubts, about everything really... And while she was looking forward to the phonecall I started thinking of breaking all contact because I felt it would be better to do that right now, before phoning or meeting...
And you know what? Now that she's ''gone'', I start having doubts on if I did the right thing lol.
Anyway, maybe it's for the better, also for her, if I'm being such a ''doubter'' all of a sudden.
And I think I'll stop searching for now, take a break from all this (online) dating stuff and first clear my head.
No I haven't used the Quick Match because I didn't have much success with it on Tinder anyway. I just know there are like 7 people who have liked me. Probably not worth the monthly pay. And I don't have a good profile cause nobody ever writes me.
I've been on dates with people I met online, so this was not the first time no.
And nah I feel like I hurt her feelings already, not doing that again.
Jawmuncher
Member
Seeing profiles that say "date only white/black/etc" are so odd. I know people have preferences, but that just seems like something you should keep to yourself maybe.
What does this mean?
On the positive side, date arranged for friday. Quite nervous about this one. I kinda like her.
Jawmuncher
Member
Getting no matches and the like. That's the boat I'm in. Gotten convos and nothing else. At this point I just use it as something to increase chances regardless. In my eyes there's no reason not to. Do some swipes, check who's online, and continue with my day .
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
man, I'm getting too old for this shit.
First time in a long while I seriously liked a girl I met online. We talked on the phone for hours day after day but when we finally met we didn't even make it past the first date.
Shit's tiring.
First time in a long while I seriously liked a girl I met online. We talked on the phone for hours day after day but when we finally met we didn't even make it past the first date.
Shit's tiring.
True Savior
Member
Let's all install 3nder (they changed the name to Feeld)
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
what is it?
That's why you don't talk for hours on the phone before meeting someone.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Usually I never do this, she was the one who couldn't stop and insisted we use the phone rather than text. I took it as a sign of interest..
Lesson learned. You know what's a sign of interest? Wanting to meet as soon as possible.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Agree but it's not like we waited forever, the whole ordeal lasted a week, and we're both working adults.
Are you implying the hours of conversation were not a sign of interest?
Ah okay, a week is not so bad then. I was afraid it had been longer.
Well it is of course a sign of interest. But it is also the source of you feeling so tired of this shit after the date not working out.
There's always a chance of the first date not working out, whether you talked to them for hours on the phone or not. The first meet tells you more than months of texting or calling will ever do. So most people in this thread advice against investing too much time and effort into potential matches before meeting them. This way you don't get too invested in the person before really knowing if there's something there.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
true. I know for a fact it doesn't exactly work this way for me (conversation plays a huge role in attraction for me, and that includes phone conversation) but it does seem to be the case with the women I meet. Which begs the question: "why would this person insist on spending so many hours on the phone?" - I don't think it's because she's an immature dater.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Excuse the double post.
I've been giving this a lot of thought recently: not just because of the one bad date, it's been a recurring pattern for me over the last year since I returned to dating. I keep getting the same feedback, that I'm a good person and good conversationalist but there's no "click", no chemistry.
And I think the reason is that while my verbal communication skills are good, my nonverbal ones are lacking.
As such I'll be looking into practicing and improving nonverbal communication skills.
The descriptions on this page seem to fit well with what I'm experiencing. I'm sure there are others here who can benefit from this as well, so I'll post any additional references I find in the future that I think are helpful.
I've been giving this a lot of thought recently: not just because of the one bad date, it's been a recurring pattern for me over the last year since I returned to dating. I keep getting the same feedback, that I'm a good person and good conversationalist but there's no "click", no chemistry.
And I think the reason is that while my verbal communication skills are good, my nonverbal ones are lacking.
As such I'll be looking into practicing and improving nonverbal communication skills.
The descriptions on this page seem to fit well with what I'm experiencing. I'm sure there are others here who can benefit from this as well, so I'll post any additional references I find in the future that I think are helpful.
True Savior
Member
https://www.feeld.co/
Sorta like a hardcore tinder for singles and couples
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Jawmuncher
Member
I'm too old school for stuff like that after trying it for a bit .
So they get on with you but they don't feel like you're attracted to them as they don't see any of the usual body language signs? I guess that's what they mean by no click. It would feel like they are just talking to a mate instead of a potential partner. You do need to work on this. I'm have similar problems, honestly. Personally I find eye contact very intimate so can have trouble holding it with new people. I have to make a hard conscious effort to not look all over the place when I meet someone new.
Do you flirt? Tease? Give (sexually tinted) compliments? Touch? (subtle of course..!)
If you're just talking and listening to what your date says, without ever being flirty or saying that you think she's sexy f.e., you'll be ''that guy who I can talk to but don't want anything else with'' soon enough. There needs to be sexual tension too imo.
Next to the non-verbal communication you mentioned, I would advise being clear and outspoken about what you want with your date. Without being a creep!
I've always been too polite on dates and around women, too much thinking I needed to be a ''gentleman''. While courtesy is nice, I learned that being clear about your intentions is even better.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Do you flirt? Tease? Give (sexually tinted) compliments? Touch? (subtle of course..!)
If you're just talking and listening to what your date says, without ever being flirty or saying that you think she's sexy f.e., you'll be ''that guy who I can talk to but don't want anything else with'' soon enough. There needs to be sexual tension too imo.
Next to the non-verbal communication you mentioned, I would advise being clear and outspoken about what you want with your date. Without being a creep!
I've always been too polite on dates and around women, too much thinking I needed to be a ''gentleman''. While courtesy is nice, I learned that being clear about your intentions is even better.
These are so painful to hear, assuming they indeed describe what's been going on in my dating life. Some of the women I've dated I've found so attractive I literally couldn't believe they'd agreed to go out with me. Sounds like I have self image problem.
Part of me is still trying to wrap my brain around it though: I mean if I tell a woman I had a good time and ask to meet her again isn't that a clear indication I'm attracted to her? Does she really need further validation on a first date?
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
I can tell you I like you or I can show you that I like you. Which is better?
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
I get that, but if I understand correctly it's the dissonance between what I'm saying and how I'm acting that's doing me a disservice.
So as an exaggeration (and please correct me if this is wrong) by not physically acting like I'm attracted to a woman, I'm turning her off so bad that she goes from "Let's meet!" before the date to "I don't want to see this person ever again" after just two hours? At which point nothing I say can change her mind?
Because frankly that sounds ridiculous, and much less likely than her simply not finding me physically attractive, which is what I've always assumed was happening in these situations.
I managed to land a second date scheduled later today. The first date I didn't try to kiss her or playfully touch her in any way since it was our first meet, but now I feel like I have to reinforce that I'm interested. I'm getting a bit nervous because I'm bad at picking up nonverbal cues and am afraid of messing up.
What are some common cues to look for?
What are some common cues to look for?
If you're in her car and she mentions she has a bunch of condoms, that means she wants the D.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Generally, a couple hours with someone is enough to figure out what kind of person they are. A profile already gives the basics: where they work, what they do for fun, what they're interested in. Meeting up is more of a "did they lie about anything" and "is this person worth seeing again?"
You say you're attracted to them and want a second date. But are they attracted to you?
If your body language is off, like if you avoid eye contact, are fidgety, sit far away, don't touch, slouch, etc. that sort of thing can easily be interpreted by someone as boredom/lack of interest. Most people decide pretty quickly where you will be slotted: friend, FWB, relationship, and so on, and they don't have the time or interest to go out on multiple dates with someone that they don't feel a spark with.
Yeah and I think in addition to this, all these signals are used subconsciously when deciding if there is a spark, chemistry, whatever you want to call it. If you don't project these signals of interest, the girl might think there is no spark.
efyu_lemonardo
May I have a cookie?
Right, I'm with you. It's the simplest explanation.
What made me begin to suspect matters are more complicated is I've been stuck in this rut of first dates for over a year now. I've stopped counting but it must be at least thirty dates with thirty different women and not one second date. Certainly some of those I wasn't all that interested in myself but the majority were "fine enough" by my standards, by which I mean we had some good laughs and the conversation was interesting. I'm not expecting a proposal at the end of the night or anything, just a second date, which got me thinking: either I'm hideously unattractive or (more likely) there's something I'm doing wrong.
True Savior
Member
I just matched with a F-F couple. Is this what the future looks like?
ZackieChan
Member
Stealing some of these haha.
They don't give a fuck and it works. I like it.
I mean yeah they got game. But they are also famous.
True Savior
Member
If someone matches you at 4 a.m. Can we assume something of it?
Where is this from?
(i'm gonna meet them saturday ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )
Are they famous?
The no fucks given works. Off course if you don't look that good you will get insulted, unmatched and all other shit but if you're really just tryin smth really quick it's not that bad. And if you look good, goddamn. I've seen it. I got jealous.
Where is this from?
(i'm gonna meet them saturday ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) )
Are they famous?
The no fucks given works. Off course if you don't look that good you will get insulted, unmatched and all other shit but if you're really just tryin smth really quick it's not that bad. And if you look good, goddamn. I've seen it. I got jealous.