okay so i'm a bit drunk but i wanna get into some shit here, if ya'l will indulge me
i'm about the whitest dude in MIA & white flight cleared out most of us long ago, but you'd not know that from attitudes out here
by trade, i'm a firefighter/medic, but i got cut during the economic crisis about 10 years ago. i spent a few years working as a private medic after that, but there's no union so it's a shit job
to put myself through college in the day, i landed a job with my university's public safety dept - and years later, i was offered a gig basically doing security with said PD. it's a very small dept in a big city, but they mostly treat me well.
i've spent literally a decade waiting on my 1st choice FD to open up again - they cover all the right districts, they have a strong union, i'd not lose this job when trump/GOP makes this economy go tits up again/etc. and right now, i'm further in the process with them than i've ever been: passed the physical, submit my background, passed the psych etc. just waiting on the medical & a contract.
but years ago, while waiting, i debated working for this small PD - but i got in some trouble back then, and then ferguson happened & i saw another side of people i'd worked with for years and turned a blind eye to, and realized i could never be a cop. it's ugly, y'all....ive seen people on the "them" side literally had calls for backup delayed.
so on the low, i've worked with the closest BLM chapter we have - protested, supported, actively showed interest in helping start a chapter here in my hometown. but because i'm still in said background process, i've had to lay low.
...but it's been 10 goddamn years. a big part of me feels like that jigga line about
"you are who you are before you got here" and i don't like biting my tongue so much, nevermind i'm reminded how if i'm gonna even try to be an "ally" than it's important i call out bullshit where i see it, right? but this place...it's the THIN BLUE LINE shit. i literally can't see winning hearts & minds here.
but i also can't help but wonder if my rationalizing that shit like "oh, i'll do more good when i'm past this" means not stepping up where it's hardest & maybe showing others it's okay to not ride for the same bullshit this place does. the few i care about enough to share this with tell me i'm doing right to lay low, but i can't help but feel it's cowardly: process/reality or not, i don't think i should only ride for shit when it's convenient. like, if i was on a call and saw actual injustice, i'd step in - but by not saying shit when recklessness is tossed about casually, do i not enable an environment for that to happen?
what do y'all think?
I remember pumping my fist extra high in the air once my CAW came to his senses in that junkyard fight near the end. Can't write drama that good.
it's crazy cause i would've accepted far less in a series with a lineup like that, yeah