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UK PoliGAF thread of tell me about the rabbits again, Dave.
- Thread starter Chinner
- Start date
Meet my new enterprise minister.
come at us.
Social Conservatism? Afraid your kids will see it? try parenting you fuck, go to one of the state run "how to be a good parent" classes that mothers and fathers have to attend in the month leading up to their kid being born that I just FUCKING LEGISLATED
StealthGoblin
Banned
I'd actually love a PM that didn't take any shit from anyone.
Prime Ministers questions:
Labour Leader: 'This Prime Minister has blah blah blah'
PM: 'Sit down. Shut up. You raise a fair point, however what is your alternative? You've had all week/evening to come up with a counter argument with statistics to lean on. What is your alternative? Look into the camera and tell us all now. If you can't, sit there with your hands in your lap you negative nancy'.
Prime Ministers questions:
Labour Leader: 'This Prime Minister has blah blah blah'
PM: 'Sit down. Shut up. You raise a fair point, however what is your alternative? You've had all week/evening to come up with a counter argument with statistics to lean on. What is your alternative? Look into the camera and tell us all now. If you can't, sit there with your hands in your lap you negative nancy'.
Guerrillas in the Mist
Member
To be fair, "Cut a fair bit less, and make the cuts more gradual" is not as good a soundbite as:
"LOW INTEREST RATES!"
"CUT THE DEFICIT!"
"...BECAUSE OF THE MESS THE LAST GOVERNMENT LEFT US!"
NHS: Mandatory, thorough, NHS health-checks every 6 months.
Blood pressure, urine samples, stool samples, finger up the arse, pap smears, breast cancer checks, lung capacity tests, blood tests, vaccinations.
Don't like blood tests? You'd prefer cancer? Yeah I thought not, sit down and shut up.
Too expensive? Try telling me that when our healthcare costs plummet because everyone is healthy as fuck and getting shit treated before they're too ill. Healthy people don't take time off work and fuck up the economy.
Blood pressure, urine samples, stool samples, finger up the arse, pap smears, breast cancer checks, lung capacity tests, blood tests, vaccinations.
Don't like blood tests? You'd prefer cancer? Yeah I thought not, sit down and shut up.
Too expensive? Try telling me that when our healthcare costs plummet because everyone is healthy as fuck and getting shit treated before they're too ill. Healthy people don't take time off work and fuck up the economy.
PJV3
Member
People will have to be euthanized at 75, people will hang about forever if your policy was enacted.
No, people will be fucking working until they're 75, on the 30 hour a week standard that I JUST FUCKING LEGISLATED. (this would also dramatically cut unemployment).
75 year olds that look like this?
not in my UK:
dudes 101. bet he's a hit with the ladies too. take some fish liver oil and get some Omega 3 you dicks.
StealthGoblin
Banned
You'd get my vote if:
- Equal retirement age for men and women in the same job.
- Put the minimum sentence for most crimes up and build more prisons. Make them basic to stay in but high security.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
Is this the backswing from that weird Tory-lite phase you just went through?
I much prefer socialist Meadows to bootstrap-salesman Meadows.
Edit: I should clarify - I am a socialist. Wasn't dissin, blud.
Jails:
- rehabilitation for everyone
- therapy between victims and criminals
- give fuckers skills
- no drugs, come on why the fuck are there drugs in prisons
- make them like Norway's
- make anyone that says "5 YEARS ISN'T ENOUGH FOR SHOPLIFTING" live in a prison for 5 years so they can see how long of a time that is
- give anyone the legal right to slap someone who says "bring back the death penalty"
CHEEZMO™;37375738 said:
I believe in bootstraps, but there's a cycle of poverty that has to be broken for the bottom 10% of our society that cost like 60% of our social security money. When the cycle is over then we can cut back government spending and let people do their thang.
Also being socialist would entail being anti-corporation. I'm not, you know the reason that corporations get such a large market share? Because they're fucking good at what they do, it's why they became a corporation. We shouldn't demonise small businesses that become big - they did that because they were fucking good at what they did.
My government would be about supplementing the private sector with the workforce/morale/health/education/infastructure that it needs to be the best in the world - not provide shitloads of useless public sector jobs.
StealthGoblin
Banned
I've wanted a higher minimum sentence for murder for years. Parole should not be given ever. You killed someone you bellend. Finding Jesus does not absolve you of your crimes.
I'm a big fan of rehabilitation, I just think that if Prisoners were given the bare minimum of everything, it would be more of a deterrent. No prisons should have snooker tables, PlayStations, TV's etc. I know those are rare, but damn, what the flying fuck?
You should get:
A bed.
Access to a toilet.
Access to a Library.
Food.
Exercise time.
Rehabilitation courses as you come close to the end of your sentence.
No, I disagree. Norway's Justice Minister? Yeah, I just hired him. Whatever they do there works. If you disagree you are incorrect, and as a result of this, I will not listen to you.
StealthGoblin
Banned
What does Norway's Justice Minister propose then?
He proposes that they do whatever the fuck they do in Norway because it works. Fact. End of.
No ideology, no vengeance, just pragmatism. Come at me.
Everyone in my cabinet would be a technocrat, the best in their field. The rest of my MPs would do what they should do: vote for my policies as a matter of contract, but represent their constituent's views, not be a shill to my vision. I'd be the only elected member of the cabinet, all responsibility goes to me. Don't like it, vote for someone else.
Anyway, all of this talk is useless because you fuckers won't get to vote for me until 2020.
Until then, Cammo should get more business trips going, they work and could pull us away from the brink.
What do you all think the government should do?
Oh, and there was some discussion about the Lords moving up to Salford Quays. That's a terrible idea, it should be in the same place as the commons.
Until then, Cammo should get more business trips going, they work and could pull us away from the brink.
What do you all think the government should do?
Oh, and there was some discussion about the Lords moving up to Salford Quays. That's a terrible idea, it should be in the same place as the commons.
People live an enjoyable life while in prison, yet they have one of the lowest rates of re offending. Their prisons actually focus on trying to change the people instead of trying to punish them, because...punishment doesn't actually do anything.
Deterrence doesn't work. You know in them Jesus times when people would get crucified if they committed a crime? People still committed crimes...
StealthGoblin
Banned
I doubt that would work over here. I really do.
I don't want people enjoying prison. I want them so suffer. I want their existence in prison to be focused around the wrong they have done and for it to go through their mind over and over again.
Meadows 2015: Hope We Can Change For
I'd vote for him. At least he has optimism for the future.
All the Coalition has taught me in two years is not to be optimistic about anything at all, because they'll always find some way to fuck it up. It's like a talent, they really should go on TV with it, they'd get at least third place.
I'd vote for him. At least he has optimism for the future.
All the Coalition has taught me in two years is not to be optimistic about anything at all, because they'll always find some way to fuck it up. It's like a talent, they really should go on TV with it, they'd get at least third place.
You're right to want more optimism in UK politics. We're all too grumpy and pessimistic.
Exactly, politics is fucking piss easy.
If Labour criticise me I'd openly tell them to fuck off. Yeah, I'd say fuck, I'm a human. Come at me.
Unparliamentary language? First thing I'm going to legislate to get rid of.
Jeremy Paxman: Would you raise the tax threshold to £12,000?
Meadows: Yes.
JP: What's your policy on immigration?
Meadows: Stop illegal immigration by launching an inquiry into the UKBA and breaking it up into different parts, increase legal immigration like America does so people can add to our tax income.
JP: Should Jeremy Hunt resign?
M: Yes.
JP: What do you say to those that say the government is too close to a Chinese government that advocates a one-child policy?
M: Do you like having a job? Then shut the fuck up.
JP: Is that really an adequate response for a prime minister?
M: Yeah, I reckon so.
JP: You cut the income tax rate for high earners to 40%. Are you a party for the rich?
M: Yeah, to an extent, rich people already pay fuckloads of tax to be fair, I'm cracking down on all tax havens so income tax receipts will actually increase overall.
JP: But are you advocating extreme wealth?
M: If some fucker worked hard enough they should be allowed an island or a helicopter, or a hottub full of models. Most people who are rich deserve it. Reality mang.
All of the above would be done by me wearing a pair of nice slacks. Maybe a polo shirt.
Might be sipping on a bottle of Asahi.
If Labour criticise me I'd openly tell them to fuck off. Yeah, I'd say fuck, I'm a human. Come at me.
Unparliamentary language? First thing I'm going to legislate to get rid of.
Jeremy Paxman: Would you raise the tax threshold to £12,000?
Meadows: Yes.
JP: What's your policy on immigration?
Meadows: Stop illegal immigration by launching an inquiry into the UKBA and breaking it up into different parts, increase legal immigration like America does so people can add to our tax income.
JP: Should Jeremy Hunt resign?
M: Yes.
JP: What do you say to those that say the government is too close to a Chinese government that advocates a one-child policy?
M: Do you like having a job? Then shut the fuck up.
JP: Is that really an adequate response for a prime minister?
M: Yeah, I reckon so.
JP: You cut the income tax rate for high earners to 40%. Are you a party for the rich?
M: Yeah, to an extent, rich people already pay fuckloads of tax to be fair, I'm cracking down on all tax havens so income tax receipts will actually increase overall.
JP: But are you advocating extreme wealth?
M: If some fucker worked hard enough they should be allowed an island or a helicopter, or a hottub full of models. Most people who are rich deserve it. Reality mang.
All of the above would be done by me wearing a pair of nice slacks. Maybe a polo shirt.
Might be sipping on a bottle of Asahi.
JonathanEx
Member
Appoint Stephen Fry as the minister for language. Couldn't top that shit. Good linguistics and a love for profanity.
Favourite bit of university: some twat moaned I said "twat" on Twitter, so got called in for a complaint, meaning the head of the department got out a dictionary and read 'twat' and the definition: mild profanity, also refers to...
I had to bite my tongue a bit, as I wanted to go "see, it says MILD profanity, nothing wrong with that".
Edit: No, sorry, that's the second favourite bit (of academia related stuff only, ofc). Best bit was seeing the deputy head of school shout "OH FOR FUCKS SAKE" stupidly loud that a coffee machine was broken.
not in my UK:
I will vote for you if you provide a larger version of this picture.
CHEEZMO
Obsidian fan
I was gonna go "got a thing for men in turbans, eh?" but then I noticed what you were getting at.
J Tourettes
Banned
I'd like to think Meadows was drunk when he made today's posts. Unfortunately I know he wasn't, how embarrassing for him.
Visualante2
Member
Yeah 'cause that works so well for the dental industry.
on power perhaps
I'll live.
prick
I can honestly say you are by quite a long way my least favourite poster on this forum. You probably don't care but just thought I'd tell you: I think you're a cunt.
killer_clank
Member
That was a glorious rant. I'd vote for meadows.
(lol how did he get banned again)
(lol how did he get banned again)
Hope not, he didn't read my post the way I meant it... probably because I didn't quote the guy he was quoting.
Feel a little like Homer Simpson to his Grimes.
He chose to fry himself in this case, if that's what got him gone.
Ooh, prickly.
I see Cam has again denied that he did a "Grand Deal" with Murdoch on the BSkyB deal in lieu of political support for the Tories.
If it turns out Hunt The Cunt did the deal on his behalf, how fucked is he?
PJV3
Member
Meadows can take comfort in the fact his imaginary premiership lasted longer than David Laws's career in the cabinet.
"I see Cam has again denied that he did a "Grand Deal" with Murdoch on the BSkyB deal in lieu of political support for the Tories".
He was walking around Rebecca Brooks house talking to james Murdoch, he was probably wearing Ruperts dressing gown and underpants.
Nobody believes a word he says anymore, he is a laughing stock even amongst the tories, who probably hate him more than Labour voters do. Nobody thinks there was a grand-deal, just a nod and a wink.
"I see Cam has again denied that he did a "Grand Deal" with Murdoch on the BSkyB deal in lieu of political support for the Tories".
He was walking around Rebecca Brooks house talking to james Murdoch, he was probably wearing Ruperts dressing gown and underpants.
Nobody believes a word he says anymore, he is a laughing stock even amongst the tories, who probably hate him more than Labour voters do. Nobody thinks there was a grand-deal, just a nod and a wink.