Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
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Hey now, if you wanna pretend to be a real goddamn cat, at least use water and like Reese's Puffs or something, geez. Of all things she could have picked, chocolate? I mean it's already like 20 steps too far, but this is one step further
EDIT: also lol there's no problem with ghosting in this situation, she seems to be taking this just a little too... I dunno. Something.
It actually was Reeses Puffs cereal, because it looks the closest to dry cat food. Compare for yourself...Cereal and Blue Buffalo cat food.
The idea of sexy kitty roleplay was working for me. The idea of adopting a human-sized cat who wanted to snuggle with my cat in a giant cat bed...not for me, no thank you.
Omega Kirby
Member
So there's this girl in my class.
I've built some good rapport so I decided to just take the direct approach and asked her out, she did say she might be doing something this weekend but it's not cemented yet and she seemed interested in going out with me so I ended up getting her number. (This was five hours ago)
Feel dumb asking this but since I see her in class, nearly everyday. When do I call her to arrange the date? Or should I just talk to her about it after class in person?
I've built some good rapport so I decided to just take the direct approach and asked her out, she did say she might be doing something this weekend but it's not cemented yet and she seemed interested in going out with me so I ended up getting her number. (This was five hours ago)
Feel dumb asking this but since I see her in class, nearly everyday. When do I call her to arrange the date? Or should I just talk to her about it after class in person?
ZackieChan
Member
Asking someone out once is sexual harassment? Yes, you've been reading too much gaf.
cj_iwakura
Member
Asked someone out at work(yes I know) I've been thinking about for a while, and she was non-committal, but I figure it not being a 'no' was a good start. Asked her to give it some thought and let me know when she was available.
hydrophilic attack
Member
I may have been reading too much gaf, but that's not what I meant. When I'm on a date I like to test the waters by being a bit physical to see how they react. When she was pushing her legs against mine when sitting next to me, I would have wanted to put my hand in her lap to see if she reacted positively to that. That could be interpreted as light sexual assault if I had been misreading things and she's actually not interested.
ZackieChan
Member
That makes sense. You gotta be specific about asking out on a date. And your first touch doesn't have to be the lap...
chicko1983
Member
If you are seeing her tomorrow, ask her face to face then. Face to face is harder but if she likes you, then she'll appreciate it way more than a text.
If you are chatting after class, ask her for an impromptu coffee, lunch, or drink depending on when your class is.
"What are you doing now?" If her answer is "not much" or along those lines then just ask "you want to grab a quick coffee/bite to eat/drink?"
Good call. Don't put her under any pressure and now move on to the next women you want to ask out. Show her that you are not just waiting for her to say yes.
I am normally against work relationships, but my latest crush is the new girl at work.
I think she likes me too. I sent her a text the other evening, out of work hours and unrelated to work. It was in reference to an earlier conversation we had. She replied to it within five minutes (and there wasn't any question to end it) and also commented on it at work yesterday when I first saw her.
It something I would have done to any other girl who I like, but now I think I've opened a can of worms given my recent history with women I like, but this time I have to see them every day if/when it all goes to shit.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Talk in person, much easier
Gotdatmoney
Member
If this is your actual career I would like not continue down this path.
You see her everyday. You don't need to text. Just ask in person.
Just popping in to bitch about being in a LDR. All the bad parts of being single with none of the good parts of being in a committed relationship. I have no intention of cheating on my girlfriend but I am HYPER aware of women all the time always and it's super annoying. Wish I could temporarily castrate myself.
Count Dookkake
Member
But you already have.
LucidMomentum
Member
Lmao.
Yeah I was in a LDR last year, it was rough.
Eventually we realized it was over but it took a month to meet up and talk it out.
That was a shitty drive back to my place...
I feel you, man. Luckily I should be moving within two hours of her in less than a year. I would honestly be super down with doing an open relationship in the interim, as I am not the jealous type and am having a tough time dealing with this distinct lack of physical intimacy, but there is a 0% chance she'd be open to that sort of arrangement.
names2hard4you
Member
This relationship sounds very one sided to me. Why are you with this person?
Had a last-minute second date Tuesday and a third date (was supposed to be original 2nd date) last night. Moving well with current gal and feel really comfortable around her, something I can't say about the last person I dated where I felt I couldn't be myself. When you're dating someone who's putting forth an initiative and not playing games, likes you for you, it's a damn good feeling.
Best thing is she's not afraid of physical contact which I can say I'm certainly all about now having been with someone who likes a small caress on the thigh or something as cheesy as holding hands. Used to never quite know what to do with my hands on early dates, no worries around her though.
Hopefully get a fourth date this weekend, depending on schedules because she's working and I'm supposed to go to f'n Northridge. We more or less agreed during a makeout session in her car last night that if we can get together this weekend at one of our places we're def gonna bang.
Best thing is she's not afraid of physical contact which I can say I'm certainly all about now having been with someone who likes a small caress on the thigh or something as cheesy as holding hands. Used to never quite know what to do with my hands on early dates, no worries around her though.
Hopefully get a fourth date this weekend, depending on schedules because she's working and I'm supposed to go to f'n Northridge. We more or less agreed during a makeout session in her car last night that if we can get together this weekend at one of our places we're def gonna bang.
I have to agree to some extent. If your best case scenario is that in a year you'll be "lucky" enough to move so that you're "only" two hours away and you're already wishing for an open relationship, it might be time to accept it isn't working.
Lone_Prodigy
Member
Not really topical, but reading that "is my marriage over" thread (along with the post about the guy whose wife is addicted to WoW) makes me realize how hard it is to be with someone for life.
Eh, I simply happen to have more non-traditional views on this sort of thing than she does. We are very much in love and I would not be surprised if we end up getting married, I am just currently sexually frustrated with the arrangement, but it is temporary. I was mostly posting in here to vent.
I think the wife from that thread and the guy who made the "am I a terrible husband" thread should get together.
Anyway, yes there is some work involved, but it should not take a lot in a health relationship. Mostly it boils down to being able to openly and honestly communicate with your partner, and realizing that there are some things that you will not be able to change and being able to accept that.
But this is coming from a guy in his 40s who has gotten a lot of bullshit out of my system. I certainly wouldn't be in a good place to get married or have a long term relationship when I was 30, and no fucking way (like in the "is my marriage over" thread) when I was 20.
Holy shit thanks for getting me to wade back in and find that wow post.
He tried to save his marriage by playing world of Warcraft with her, for old times sake. Feel bad for the guy but also, wtf...
I suppose so. It's nuts. I don't know how people put up with it. Endless patience and understanding I guess. I'd be long gone.
LucidMomentum
Member
Loneliness and thirstiness get you to do stupid things.
I say that as someone who should be looking for dates / flings with other girls but I'm still a bummed about the last girl I asked out, even if it wasn't a hard no. Still holding out for something to connect this weekend since we're going to some parties together but that's a long shot.
Also has anyone had success finding people for fetish based hookups? if so, any site recommendations?
I mean I don't need cat role-play levels of kink but it could be fun to try out some new things time and again.
Stereogatari
Banned
I've been getting over a LDR heartbreak since August (well it wasn't ever a rship more of a it's complicated). I was ready to visit her more often but she no longer liked me back.
Ever since we met a year ago while I was on holiday, she's constantly been on my mind and she did like me too at first (how much we texted on Whatsapp!), I visited her 3 times (4 hour flight), but the feelings faded for her over time and she said she couldn't feel love with distance even though she tried because of the depth of my feelings.
The pain has largely subsided. My mind is clearer. She's still constantly on my mind though. The most pain is when sleeping and waking up. Subconscious kicks into overdrive. Also regret "I should have gone to see her more often from the start or just moved to Turkey." I was naive thinking she'd always keep liking me and that my handful of trips to Turkey would be enough.
Anyway I guess I'm at that stage where I acknowledge it's done. I was in a denial stage for quite a while and unfortunately I showed my pain to her and drove her away. She ended up blocking me, if anything that helped me let go even more, as I was still holding out hope otherwise.
So I've not got a social scene or anything so I'm not sure where I'll meet my next potential love. I guess that's why I held onto her so much despite the distance, whereas she's at university and has a social scene that probably competed with me and I obviously lost out. I wish I had this hindsight at the start, I lulled myself into a false sense of security thinking she'd always like me back, even though this is my 3rd heartbreak ffs. I should have known better.
So with all that, I guess dating websites is the way to go? I've always been against those because "it's not as magical". But I mean if magic really existed then it would have worked out with for me previously wouldn't it?
So what do I do next? Do I still give it more time until I'm not thinking of her anymore? Or is the only way to cure that to find someone new?
The 3 girls I ever had mutual like with were all short lived affairs from them, despite my feelings being strong and wanting them to develop into relationships.
I've been occasionally hanging out with my first girlfriend for the last year and we got closer last 2 months. But she's hot and cold. And right now she is being cold. So I can't be bothered with being patient with her. Plus I wasn't feeling strongly about her and still kept thinking about losing long distance girl, so it felt more like going through the motions. Which is ironic considering how I felt about her years ago.
So I'm 25 but have never had a proper relationship which makes me feel insecure. Lost my virginity this year. My only previous dating/sexual experiences before this year were when I was 19/20.
The 3 girls that heartbroke me all had significant relationship experience before meeting me, so I guess that's what has fucked me up. I was in doe eyed teenage mode with them and these girls were all beyond that. I really should have had all this in mind with long distance girl but I let myself get into innocent mode again and made the same mistake (though the fucking distance didn't help).
I guess ideally I'd love to hit it off with a girl whose experience roughly mirrors my own. Otherwise it's going to be tough for me out there. At my age it's going to be so difficult.
Please help me calm my insecurities Dating-Age GAF. I need some solid advice.
Ever since we met a year ago while I was on holiday, she's constantly been on my mind and she did like me too at first (how much we texted on Whatsapp!), I visited her 3 times (4 hour flight), but the feelings faded for her over time and she said she couldn't feel love with distance even though she tried because of the depth of my feelings.
The pain has largely subsided. My mind is clearer. She's still constantly on my mind though. The most pain is when sleeping and waking up. Subconscious kicks into overdrive. Also regret "I should have gone to see her more often from the start or just moved to Turkey." I was naive thinking she'd always keep liking me and that my handful of trips to Turkey would be enough.
Anyway I guess I'm at that stage where I acknowledge it's done. I was in a denial stage for quite a while and unfortunately I showed my pain to her and drove her away. She ended up blocking me, if anything that helped me let go even more, as I was still holding out hope otherwise.
So I've not got a social scene or anything so I'm not sure where I'll meet my next potential love. I guess that's why I held onto her so much despite the distance, whereas she's at university and has a social scene that probably competed with me and I obviously lost out. I wish I had this hindsight at the start, I lulled myself into a false sense of security thinking she'd always like me back, even though this is my 3rd heartbreak ffs. I should have known better.
So with all that, I guess dating websites is the way to go? I've always been against those because "it's not as magical". But I mean if magic really existed then it would have worked out with for me previously wouldn't it?
So what do I do next? Do I still give it more time until I'm not thinking of her anymore? Or is the only way to cure that to find someone new?
The 3 girls I ever had mutual like with were all short lived affairs from them, despite my feelings being strong and wanting them to develop into relationships.
I've been occasionally hanging out with my first girlfriend for the last year and we got closer last 2 months. But she's hot and cold. And right now she is being cold. So I can't be bothered with being patient with her. Plus I wasn't feeling strongly about her and still kept thinking about losing long distance girl, so it felt more like going through the motions. Which is ironic considering how I felt about her years ago.
So I'm 25 but have never had a proper relationship which makes me feel insecure. Lost my virginity this year. My only previous dating/sexual experiences before this year were when I was 19/20.
The 3 girls that heartbroke me all had significant relationship experience before meeting me, so I guess that's what has fucked me up. I was in doe eyed teenage mode with them and these girls were all beyond that. I really should have had all this in mind with long distance girl but I let myself get into innocent mode again and made the same mistake (though the fucking distance didn't help).
I guess ideally I'd love to hit it off with a girl whose experience roughly mirrors my own. Otherwise it's going to be tough for me out there. At my age it's going to be so difficult.
Please help me calm my insecurities Dating-Age GAF. I need some solid advice.
Once there are kids involved I get that it's tougher, but still what kind of life for those poor kids when mom is ignoring them to play WoW? If there are no kids you gotta be really thirsty or afraid of lonilness to put up with some shit people do. Or just afraid of change.
And nah I can't help you about fetish sites.
Part of being co-dependent is that it almost becomes like an addiction for the other person. They get used to the drama and having it run their lives. Anything else becomes boring. Like some people in this thread who put up with all sorts of crap behavior under the guise "I love them and need to help them". Also if you grow up around addiction, it becomes normal. My dad is one and it took me a long time to shake that off and start looking for relationships with people that would improve my life, rather than ones that would drag me down into their shit spiral or be an enabler for my own bad habits.
I'm tying to figure out if I should take flowers for my date tonight.
This is our first official "date", and I know generally you don't take flowers on the first date, however we've hung out many times, had a moderate level of physical intimacy, and talked a lot while she was away.
She loves flowers, but at the same time I don't want to come off as needy or as a cheeseball. However since this is our first official date (we've joked about how we've done so much together but haven't actually gone on a real date) and since we are super close it seems like potentially a good idea.
Thoughts?
This is our first official "date", and I know generally you don't take flowers on the first date, however we've hung out many times, had a moderate level of physical intimacy, and talked a lot while she was away.
She loves flowers, but at the same time I don't want to come off as needy or as a cheeseball. However since this is our first official date (we've joked about how we've done so much together but haven't actually gone on a real date) and since we are super close it seems like potentially a good idea.
Thoughts?
No
LucidMomentum
Member
Yeah I'd say keep it casual.
You're obviously close already and she's going out with you, don't worry about it too much.
Flowers are nice but save it for when she's having a bad day or something, don't pile everything onto the first date.
You're obviously close already and she's going out with you, don't worry about it too much.
Flowers are nice but save it for when she's having a bad day or something, don't pile everything onto the first date.
names2hard4you
Member
Don't do it!
Sorry for your breakup pain Stereo. Am I reading the story right, you met on vacation and went straight into a long distance relationship? That kind of arrangement almost never works. LDRs don't work in general, but less so without a solid foundation build by living in the same place for a decent length of time before going long distance. Going to visit her more often would not have saved your relationship. Best thing to do is to move on, cut contact with her if you haven't already since it's clear this is painful for you. You mention that she's blocked you, it's for the best. Don't reach out to her.
As to what to do next, give it some time to get over your current heartbreak and then jump back in. Dating sites are the answer. There's nothing 'magical' about dating as you put it. It's basically just meeting a large volume of people until you find someone you share a mutual attraction with. You seem to heavily romanticise dating and meeting girls in general based on what you've described. Try to keep yourself in check next time and not fall head over heels for any girl who shows the slight bit of interest in you.
There are many people with remarkably similar dating histories to yours. You have a decent amount of dating experience and you're carrying less baggage than you think.
You mentioned you have no social scene, is there a reason for that?
Please don't bring flowers. It's far too much.
Interestingly, I went on a date with a girl a few years ago who said that she was disappointed that I didn't bring her flowers. There wasn't a second date. We still keep in touch now and then. From my understanding she has a boyfriend who showers her with gifts now. Gold watch after 1 month kinda thing. The kid is a poor student bankrupting himself to pay for this girl. Bullet dodged.
Gotdatmoney
Member
I'm thinking bout how she is gonna cut communication if you bring flowers. Ghosting? Maybe "We're different people?
ZackieChan
Member
hell no
Only thing I can recommend is try Fetlife out. It's actually pretty shitty for my area (at least for open relationship meetups), but for the most part that's the biggest fetish meetup site I've heard of.
cj_iwakura
Member
If you see an opportunity on the date, sure(this worked well for me once). Otherwise, no.
LucidMomentum
Member
I've heard of FL before, I'll give it a shot. Probably won't have much luck but we'll see.
My town is huge but it's oddly horrible for dating. Very rural feeling despite the size, and I really don't find bars all that appealing.
So it's online dating, going to events I like and meeting people of similar hobbies, or meeting via mutual friends.
Boy howdy is it awkward to start any physical relationships with friends of friends.
Online dating I've found more bots than second dates it seems.
Online dating is a luck thing, but it comes in waves.
The best time for me has always been summer.
I've dated like a total of 5 teachers total from online sites because they aren't doing anything during summer. I'm in Florida and all they seem to do is hit the beach or go to Disney. Then they are at home trying to figure out how not to spend their summer check lol.
My parents have been married for 45 years. They met, dated a few months and then my father got drafted, they wrote back and forth when they could and after he got home he asked her to marry him. She was 20 and he was 21 when they got married. They have their issues sometimes but love each other dearly and are very happily married. My mother had cancer last year and had to sleep in a recliner for 4 months after because she couldn't sleep in a bed, my father slept on the couch every single night next to her in case she needed anything. She never did but he insisted on being near her. He also went to radiation with her every single day for 6 weeks.
I have been with my husband for 18 years, we met when I was 14 turning 15, he asked me out 7 days after I turned 15 and we are very happily married. He is the only guy I ever dated. He dated a girl before me for like a month, very casually, so I was his first serious gf.
Times have changed completely.
When it comes to posting relationship statuses on Facebook, do you all think it's tacky at all?
Lots of people do it, but I find it really corny to do so. It's also funny when people end relationships on Facebook because people swamp the update with "What happened?"
Just asking because the girl I'm involved with is really into Facebook and posting photos and statuses about what she's doing.
When it comes to posting relationship statuses on Facebook, do you all think it's tacky at all?
Lots of people do it, but I find it really corny to do so. It's also funny when people end relationships on Facebook because people swamp the update with "What happened?"
Just asking because the girl I'm involved with is really into Facebook and posting photos and statuses about what she's doing.
LucidMomentum
Member
Congrats! It's nice to hear these stories
I make relationship announcements public, but then when I break up I make the event private. Took people a month to notice I hadn't talked about my then Ex that much at all anymore and ask what happened lol.
I've been seeing this attractive Japanese woman in Los Angeles - any advice?
- She's shy.
- I'm busy.
- I'm also bad at being 'too available' too.
- We like the same stuff.
- Attraction is there.
- We're both into it.
I guess this is more about cultural differences. She's from Tokyo and I've been there (this year) but there's still a disconnect. Any advice because we really seem to gel on top of her malleable side - we seem to click so far.
- She's shy.
- I'm busy.
- I'm also bad at being 'too available' too.
- We like the same stuff.
- Attraction is there.
- We're both into it.
I guess this is more about cultural differences. She's from Tokyo and I've been there (this year) but there's still a disconnect. Any advice because we really seem to gel on top of her malleable side - we seem to click so far.
Which cultural differences are you running into?
You like the same stuff, that's culture.
Are you concerned about if you should wear traditional Japanese garb to your future wedding? Or if you should try and watch anime with her?
Haha - no. I should rephrase - it's mostly a minor language barrier. The chemistry is there but we run into snags where the flintiness builds into physicality and 1-2 times it's been stilted by language issues.
I guess I need to work harder?
I think my main request is - any TIPS for dating a dating a Japanese woman?
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