Lone_Prodigy
Member
This is fine. Just don't overdo it on the daily talking/texting (save it for actual dates) and keep doing your own thing.
As long as the paranoia doesn't become overwhelming you're good.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
This is fine. Just don't overdo it on the daily talking/texting (save it for actual dates) and keep doing your own thing.
As long as the paranoia doesn't become overwhelming you're good.
It was indeed genuinely refreshing to talk to someone totally different. And when I say totally different, I mean the other side of the spectrum different.
I guess I'm just confused?
Yeah,my mind was going that way.
Thanks!
I'm a bit late but this made me laugh. She probably was busy and you begun to overstep and she got a bit put off. It makes me sad that you never got to know what she thought of your pony pictures
I'm a bit late but this made me laugh. She probably was busy and you begun to overstep and she got a bit put off. It makes me sad that you never got to know what she thought of your pony pictures
Well I mean it's only been a day since I messaged her on linkedin so in my mind there's still a chance I'll hear back from her but judging by the responses here she probably thinks (realizes?) that I'm a total creep and isn't going to respond
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yeah, rjc's behaviour on the face if it looks creepy as fuck and it is for the most part, but I used to know someone who met her girlfriend through something similar, but different circumstances.
They hit it off at some spoken poetry nonsense and met each there a couple more times but only exchanged names. Other girl tracked her down through Facebook a few weeks later and the rest is history.
She told me she found it endearing someone put that much effort into finding her and reconnecting. So yeah, she might find it endearing too...People are into weird shit.
They hit it off at some spoken poetry nonsense and met each there a couple more times but only exchanged names. Other girl tracked her down through Facebook a few weeks later and the rest is history.
She told me she found it endearing someone put that much effort into finding her and reconnecting. So yeah, she might find it endearing too...People are into weird shit.
ZackieChan
Member
Person stalking you is hot/attractive = endearing
Person stalking you isn't hot/attractive = call the police
I believe that's the formula
Person stalking you isn't hot/attractive = call the police
I believe that's the formula
Guess I'm fucked then
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
Ahem, so I'm a little confused here lol. I (stupidly) tried to date a girl at work (rookie mistake, I know) but she let me know she wasn't interested. I later found out that she had a boyfriend. That was like 6 months ago. No biggie, life goes on.
Fast forward to today, I've resigned from my job and my last day at work is in a few days. She sends me a text today calling me immature and says she's disappointed that I gave her the cold attitude. I guess she does have a point? Since she turned me down I definitely put some distance between us as I didn't want to make things awkward in the office. Turns out it had the opposite effect?
She then suggests that we should hang out sometime and talk. I'm quite sure she's not interested in me but I guess she liked me as a friend? I dun goofed GAF.
I responded to her text, apologised and let her know that it wasn't my intention to upset her. I have no romantic hope with her but do you guys think I should try and mend our "friendship"?
Fast forward to today, I've resigned from my job and my last day at work is in a few days. She sends me a text today calling me immature and says she's disappointed that I gave her the cold attitude. I guess she does have a point? Since she turned me down I definitely put some distance between us as I didn't want to make things awkward in the office. Turns out it had the opposite effect?
She then suggests that we should hang out sometime and talk. I'm quite sure she's not interested in me but I guess she liked me as a friend? I dun goofed GAF.
I responded to her text, apologised and let her know that it wasn't my intention to upset her. I have no romantic hope with her but do you guys think I should try and mend our "friendship"?
ZackieChan
Member
Most people aren't hot enough to overcome the creepiness. You're not alone
You live and you learn.
Cow Mengde
Banned
Move on. Continue hiking, but avoid her if you know she's there. You may meet other girls.
Count Dookkake
Member
To be fair, girl-on-girl changes the rules a bit. I've noticed they are often reluctant to call out any behavior as creepy or whatever if coming from a fellow girl. For example, if a dude gets attached too soon, he is clingy, but if it's a girl bust out the U-Haul. See also the under-reporting of same-sex partner abuse.
To anyone who may be offended by this, I'm not complaining; it's just an observation. The point being I don't advise the beginners to look at the behavior of lesbians as a guide for men. Well, except maybe for sex stuff.
If someone sends me a message out kf the blue starting off calling me immature that's where I stop reading. The heck?
Are you sure you're even "friends"? Seems like you wanted her in the beginning and now she wants some attention.
I'm also strongly against apologizing to someone if you don't feel you've done something wrong in general (unless you're in a relationship). Never been my thing but that's beside the point.
Haven't posted here in a bit
Matched with a girl on Tinder last night. We messaged back and forth during the day, laughed at each others jokes etc, asked her to coffee and she said yes. Asked her about a day and she said, "Let me check my schedule and I'll get back to you?"
If she actually does, it'll be a first. Online dating gets you pretty cynical.
If she actually does, it'll be a first. Online dating gets you pretty cynical.
until you actually are exclusive you should keep talking to other people and matching and so on.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Because this text she sent you is just so much more adult right? 😒
You should not continue a friendship with this person. You shouldnt have even said sorry.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Linked in isnt a dating site, Alexander carter-silk found that out the hard way.
I once had a sales executive chase me round on every account online he could find me on. Even years old dead ones. It had the complete opposite effect of what he was trying to achieve.
always crazy bacon
Banned
No forget her, her text to you tells you all you need to know about her personality.
Oh, I am for sure. In my humble opinion if you're talking to one or even a few people at a time with online dating, you're setting yourself up for the same frustration spread out over a longer period of time.
Ask her if she's tryna get the pipe or what
That text really came out of nowhere lol. Like I said, I put some distance between us so we've not had a conversation in months. It's surprising she wants to hang out now that I'm leaving the company.
I thought so... I just didn't want to leave in bad terms. I did like her a lot.
Thought so, lol.
Lol. I wish more women would be straightforward in what they want, I'm too tired for the relationship game.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Then when you do find the right person it's so easy and smooth and makes you wonder why you ever wasted time with the gameplayers.
Messofanego
Banned
Frankly, this dude deserves to be sectioned in a mental ward. You can call the police, give all the details of the stalking like waiting after work and his suicidal ideation, how you're worried that he might kill himself if you don't accept his advances, and that he knows whereabouts you live. You can mention the previous female colleague who left. This is serious enough where you're fearful for your safety and his, so you can escalate it. Best of wishes, keep safe.
Messofanego
Banned
Holy fuck, 100% creepy stalker mode.
Spaced Harrier
Member
So I never post here but fuck it, I've time to kill in work and I was browsing anyway.
Throughout 2016 I was seeing a girl from work (beautiful, kind complicated we had something real), it fizzled out at the of the year, we still talk and see each other around but I don't go out of my way to see her. In work she'd message me a bit, she did just now in fact, but it's just small talk. I'm open to actually meeting outside work for some real conversation and a drink and she knows it.
Anyway so I'm getting over this (sorta..), at the Christmas party last year some girl I don't know of got chatty with me, her friend (who I do know and I in fact hired into my old team) hits me up with the oh she's single lookingbl for a boyfriend spiele.
That was far too much for me, 0-60 in 2 secs. Tbh I wasn't that attracted to her (she wasn't ugly by any means actually is fairly attractive, but no spark like with the other girl)
I walk her (and her (other) friend most of the way home. No good alone period, nothing happens, I go home a little bit, but not too disappointed. Probably was the better outcome tbh.
Fast forward to this week. On the internal messaging system I suddenly from nowhere get a message pop up.
"I made a list, of my favourite blow job positions. We did 9 of them. And one is named after you."
It was a girl I had an affair with many years ago. I haven't spoken directly to her in 2 years. She no longer works for my company. However, we both work for companies working for a larger client and hence she had my IM details. This girl is super intelligent, interesting, intense, sex obsessed and a little unstable.
(BTW if here I sound like some ultimate pussy hound, or stud, let me assure you I am not unfortunately)
Anyway so we begin chatting over this last week, honestly it's always enjoyable with her, she's funny and dirty and prescient.
So what you don't know about me is what I do. I (currently) train people in work. So I'm in a room often with my laptop on the projector and 10 or 15 employees with me.
Yesterday I had a session. The girl from the Christmas party was there. We had texted a bit afterwards, just general chat, didn't go in too deep. Probably had said we'd get a drink "sometime".
Anyway half way through, due to me forgetting to use the do not disturb status I get a pop up on screen of the continuation of the convo I was having with girl from my past.
She also has a photo which is her wearing my hoody, naked underneath, only I know this detail but you can tell a bit TBH.
So this shoes up with the phrase "Angel of ecstasy" her response to the convo. It's her would be porn star name, (Her conversation idea) in the screen in the middle of my presentation.
While the other girl was in the room.
With the photo sorta showing her tits and posing proactively.
By the look on this girls face I don't think she will be texting me again.
In today's session I'll make sure do not disturb is on.
Throughout 2016 I was seeing a girl from work (beautiful, kind complicated we had something real), it fizzled out at the of the year, we still talk and see each other around but I don't go out of my way to see her. In work she'd message me a bit, she did just now in fact, but it's just small talk. I'm open to actually meeting outside work for some real conversation and a drink and she knows it.
Anyway so I'm getting over this (sorta..), at the Christmas party last year some girl I don't know of got chatty with me, her friend (who I do know and I in fact hired into my old team) hits me up with the oh she's single lookingbl for a boyfriend spiele.
That was far too much for me, 0-60 in 2 secs. Tbh I wasn't that attracted to her (she wasn't ugly by any means actually is fairly attractive, but no spark like with the other girl)
I walk her (and her (other) friend most of the way home. No good alone period, nothing happens, I go home a little bit, but not too disappointed. Probably was the better outcome tbh.
Fast forward to this week. On the internal messaging system I suddenly from nowhere get a message pop up.
"I made a list, of my favourite blow job positions. We did 9 of them. And one is named after you."
It was a girl I had an affair with many years ago. I haven't spoken directly to her in 2 years. She no longer works for my company. However, we both work for companies working for a larger client and hence she had my IM details. This girl is super intelligent, interesting, intense, sex obsessed and a little unstable.
(BTW if here I sound like some ultimate pussy hound, or stud, let me assure you I am not unfortunately)
Anyway so we begin chatting over this last week, honestly it's always enjoyable with her, she's funny and dirty and prescient.
So what you don't know about me is what I do. I (currently) train people in work. So I'm in a room often with my laptop on the projector and 10 or 15 employees with me.
Yesterday I had a session. The girl from the Christmas party was there. We had texted a bit afterwards, just general chat, didn't go in too deep. Probably had said we'd get a drink "sometime".
Anyway half way through, due to me forgetting to use the do not disturb status I get a pop up on screen of the continuation of the convo I was having with girl from my past.
She also has a photo which is her wearing my hoody, naked underneath, only I know this detail but you can tell a bit TBH.
So this shoes up with the phrase "Angel of ecstasy" her response to the convo. It's her would be porn star name, (Her conversation idea) in the screen in the middle of my presentation.
While the other girl was in the room.
With the photo sorta showing her tits and posing proactively.
By the look on this girls face I don't think she will be texting me again.
In today's session I'll make sure do not disturb is on.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Funny story and you don't have to worry about having to talk to someone you didn't feel anything for any more.
Seems to have worked out well enough.
Seems to have worked out well enough.
Gotdatmoney
Member
Lolololol. Why are you using work IM to have these discussions though? Can't you just use your phone like everyone else?
Messofanego
Banned
Wait, how does this show up on the projector? This conversation isn't happening on the phone? Weird.
names2hard4you
Member
Why anyone with the minimum care for their job would use their I'm to talk dirty is beyond me LOL. I mean, you know your company holds records of those convos right? Situations like those may sound funny, but imagine having a meeting with your boss, and that pops up. I can't be the only one scratching my head here.
I get that it's not easy for you to communicate with people, and bond with them subsequently, but one thing you might want to keep in mind is you can't force friendship or love on someone.
Just because you've found someone who gets you doesn't give you the right to demand anything out of them. Being new in town she was probably just looking for the safety of conversation with someone who shared her same interests.
Might have developed into something if you had given her room to breathe. But you insisted on the ponies pics as if it was the thing that would make or break the connection with her and you went on a detective spree on Linked in (of all places) showing that you don't respect her boundaries. Not respecting people's boundaries is disrespect, disrespecting people is insulting them: you don't get close to someone with insults.
So first of all get into therapy: it will smooth your social skills rapidly and effectively to the point that situations like these won't affect you as deeply anymore.
Second, for future reference. Any mistake you make with girls is virtually reparable by keeping yourself at a distance and giving them the time to realize how they feel about you. Unless they are the ones reinitiating contact, you shouldn't persist at all because you'll just keep feeding the loneliness and the frustration inside you while at the same time keeping the girl in the very state you left her the last time you interacted with her.
Once you pissed a girl off, for whatever reason, lack of trust, lack of boundaries, lack of communication and so on, any subsequent mistake you make is going to matter tenfold, while any good move you could ever make or any quality she may find out about you is going to matter next to nothing.
Let her go.
How about no, she doesn't?
Yep. Hopefully rjc is still reading.
Might be she and her boyfriend aren't an item anymore. She is definitely interested in you.
WHY?
I don't think she is looking for friendship. I think 1- she didn't expect you to back off for real and that got her (more, if she was already) interested 2- it's not just you resigning that got her to make a move.
You shouldn't have apologized though.
Here's the rundown: when you made a move on her and she rejected you, once you handled it "like a boss" you ended up as the cool guy. She knew/felt this put her at a disadvantage so she brought you back to the starting point by guilt-tripping you, the most powerful most ancient way to passive-aggressively obtain something from anybody.
Basically she made it look like you backing off wasn't something that came to you naturally, but something you forced onto yourself in order to punish her. It makes no sense to apologize for something you didn't do: have you ever heard of someone accused of say, murder, going like "I didn't kill this guy but I'm sorry people think I did it"?
God, that reminds me of this time I unfollowed someone on Twitter because they were posting NSFW pictures (I browse Twitter a lot at work and I'm not going to get fired over an asshole that likes moving game cameras in odd ways for panty shots), and he flipped shit. Started messaging me on every account he could get to asking why I unfollowed (then blocked) him and shit. Like you really think you internet stalking me is going to have me re-add you?
People are fucking weird.
Company IM.
I'm kinda thankful our IM records are saved for seven years and literally anyone can ask for them, it makes sure people are less likely to do weird crap like that >.>"
Messofanego
Banned
What I don't get is, why would anyone keep hard proof of such personal stuff that can be used in investigations? LOL
Hey, at least it makes it really easy to blackmail peo--
Er, I mean, provide proof if they're being creepsters
Yeah
Messofanego
Banned
always crazy bacon
Banned
That is rough. Had a mildly similar thing happen to me. I was doing a presentation to some of our customers and I got Skype messaged by our Sales director. Skype does a preview of the message on the popup notification. "are "company name I was presenting to" still being cunts?"
Yes, they saw it. we didn't get any more business from them.
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
So after going on a dozen (mixed results) tinder/okc dates and getting laid a few times, I really feel like I've gotten a lot of "stuff" out of my system.
I'm not feeling as lonely or disconnected anymore. I feel sexually gratified, and desirable. It's nice!
Now though I feel like I see people for what they are with more clarity. I can distinguish things I like about them from things I don't much more easily without the sex goggles.
So to those that are having trouble with dates, it's still a worthwhile adventure. Don't worry about landing a winner so much as allowing yourself to learn and grow from these experiences.
I'm not feeling as lonely or disconnected anymore. I feel sexually gratified, and desirable. It's nice!
Now though I feel like I see people for what they are with more clarity. I can distinguish things I like about them from things I don't much more easily without the sex goggles.
So to those that are having trouble with dates, it's still a worthwhile adventure. Don't worry about landing a winner so much as allowing yourself to learn and grow from these experiences.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Excellent update, all the best for this year!
Lone_Prodigy
Member
I remember someone was presenting on their browser and one of the tabs (truncated) said "Victoria". I don't think it was the city or the Queen.
Spaced Harrier
Member
I guess it's a European thing, no one gives a fuck here. Where I work everyone is fucking everyone else, the amount of stunning women is ridiculous. it's probably mad, but to be honest I'm used to the place after all these years
Once many many years ago I was in a HR meeting about sexual harassment. To be clear I was there as moral support for the girl, not the accused! And the IM messages were print and read out. It was cringy and painful. Beyond checking them in case of a complaint, no one is monitoring this stuff.
Oh god that is fucking savage. I don't know how you finished that presentation.
Or did you reply "No they are being lovely again" on the projector?
crap monkey
Member
How opposed are people here to long posts? I finished typing something up and its fucking long, but I feel the details are relevant to my situation and while I don't include every detail, I think what I have typed is pretty necessary to give a good picture of the situation. I would like some outside opinions as its messing with my head and I dont have friends that I feel comfortable talking about this with and I'm honestly at a loss for what to do.
How long have you and this other person been dating?
Miles Quaritch
Member
As long as it's not too vague post it and we'll try our best to help.
crap monkey
Member
Haven't dated, more like trying to figure out if she wants to date. I don't think I'm interpreting her signals correctly.
The opposite, I think it's pretty detailed but I have different choices on where to go from which is causing me distress. I'll post it soon, gonna try to edit it down so it's not such a slog.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Oh. Well post it and let's see but my immediate thought upon reading this is to read the title.
I just hope you're not tying yourself into knots over some stupid shit.
crap monkey
Member
About a year ago, I met a girl through a mutual friend when we all went out to a bar. We made small talk, the kind of things you talk about when you meet somebody for the first time. Over the next few weeks I saw her more and more often. We very quickly hit it off. She was easy to talk to and interesting. I like to tease and give people shit when I feel comfortable. Dont worry, its never mean or personal, if I see they took it the wrong way I apologize. Anyway that wasnt a problem since she was able to deal with my teasing and wasn't afraid to give me shit back, she wasnt demure or shy. I found it really endearing and admitted to myself I was attracted a little to her. One night we went out with some friends and she started asking me stuff like if I was single, and what I looked for in a girl. This got my attention, maybe shes interested? But I was seeing another girl at the time (just talking and a date or two, nothing serious and it eventually didnt go anywhere) and we were drinking, so I brushed it off as her just being drunk. Every time we hung out after I felt we had a connection, lots of flirting and teasing. I wasn't crazy about her, but I did note how fun it was to talk and hang with her. One night we had a big group of people composed of her and my friends all hanging out at a bar. There the flirting and teasing really ramped up, including subtle touching like a finger brushed across the leg, a lingering hand on the arm, touching her hand, etc. We were laughing and enjoying each other's company. It was pretty apparent there was something there, even my friends commented on it, asking what was up between me and her. That same night it all built up to the point I waited to find a good opportunity to go for a kiss, but I chickened out. I rationalized it by thinking there were too many of us all at the same table (there were) and that if I would have been able to get her alone (any tips on doing this in public setting surrounded by friends, let me know) I would have went for it, the opportunity just never presented itself.
Despite that, I i did manage to get her number and we texted a lot after that in the following weeks. I was working up the nerve to ask her out proper when she invites me to a see a movie one night. I think wow, she actually asked me out first, cool. So I go to pick her up, I dress up nice, but nothing too fancy. She gets into my car with a sweater on, long loose pants, no make up or anything like that. I immediately think this isn't a date and that I read the situation all wrong, but I wait and just see where it goes. The chemistry is there like it always is between us, we're having a good time just on the drive to the theater and I think maybe she dressed that way on our date cause she feels comfortable with me. Before the movie starts we're talking about valentines day plans and I start saying stuff like I'm working on it and that I'm talking to a girl right now who seems interesting blah blah blah, I was hinting really hard I was talking about her. Then she says she has a date with a guy, I'm thinking she's playing along and we're on the same page. She then says she's known him for a while and he's wanted to take her out for years (fuck, not the same page) so she decided to give him a chance. That threw me off, I recover and try to play it cool, like I don't just feel like an enormous idiot and we get through the movie, but I knew then I was friendzoned, shit. I take her home and as we pull up to her house she brings up a friend of mine who she is interested in (the mutual friend that introduced us) and I take note that she mentioned him a lot before in our previous convos, I just thought she was using it as an easy conversation point. Shes crushing hard but hes got a gf at this point. I sympathize lol. Anyway we keep texting throughout the next few days, decide to hang out just me and her. We head downtown, drink a bit and eventually the topic of dating comes up. I mention how I'm tired of looking for quick hookups and want something more significant, she literally says the opposite. However, now I'm tipsy enough where I admit to her I thought the night we saw the movie was her inviting me out on a date. She got really embarrassed and started apologizing but I told her it was fine, I misread the situation and that she didn't do anything wrong. I then tell her I like her, and asked her out for real. She said she wasn't interested. It makes sense as we just got done saying we're not looking for the same things, but I had to try. We both handle it well and I take her home a little later, I'm honestly glad I got a clear cut answer, I can stop worrying about it.
Here I have to admit that I was more interested in her than I thought. We text and hang out still, but its getting less and less frequent and then eventually communication just stops. I stopped going out as much (mostly due to money, but I was also going through some stuff and drinking every weekend wasn't as enjoyable) so I pretty much don't see her until months later or so when I go out for my birthday and she's at the same place with a friend. We say hi and I invite them to sit with our group. It honestly felt like no time had passed, we picked up right where we left off. The chemistry was automatic. I had a fun time, but that was it. No communication afterwards. I left it alone.
Months after this I go out to celebrate a friend's bday, she's there as well. Once again, it's like we had seen each other the day before, not even two sentences into our convo and we're already teasing and messing with one another. Over the course of the night she starts commentating a lot on how good I look (I've been losing weight and working out for the past few years) since she hasn't seen me in a while, I guess the progress is starting to become more noticeable. So she's dropping compliments, asking me how I did it and stuff, which honestly made me feel really good, and we're having a good time. We're interrupted when my friend decides to leave (he's my ride) and we say goodbye around midnight. Not too long after she texts me, informing me she's home, bored laying in bed, and that it was nice seeing me and that she always seems to have a good time when we hang out (ahh, she noticed it too?). She continues to text me throughout the night until she falls asleep.
Since then we've texted pretty regularly and have hung out once (where we're still flirting and teasing each other). The thing is, I don't really know whats going on now. I feel like there's some kind of connection between us, no matter how long its been, it never feels awkward or weird, we're always comfortable. I've made sure to tell her this too and she agrees. Right now, things feel the same as they did a year ago, but they also feel...different between us at the same time? The way we interact hasn't really changed from when I was friendzoned from before, but other things are different. For example, she texts me very often late night before going to bed, just asking what im up to (she does this throughout the day too sometimes) which wasn't so much the case when we texted before. She has also come out to the local park where my friends and I play basketball, something she's known about forever, but never made the effort (was there any reason to?) to come and say hi. She always comes out of her own volition; the last time I was texting her because I was sitting on the sidelines waiting to play, just trying to pass the time with some conversation and she said she'll come by to give me company. The thing is, she doesn't get anything out of it. She's just sitting on the bench with her phone or reading her kindle while we play. We only interact between games and when we walk home together as she leaves when I do, even though shes friends with the other people who go out there too.
This is where we are now and don't know what to do, or really what I want. I realized that when we stopped communicating and hanging out that I had made a mistake. I thought I was doing the right thing by me so I didn't continue having feelings for someone who wasnt interested in me, and it worked, but I realized that having a female friend that I regularly hang out with (I have some, but none I can call up to hang out) is a good thing for me. She has friends who could become potential interests and it'd be great to get a female perspective on certain things (such as this) as well as simply improve my social skills with women in general. I'm kinda stuck. I'm not even sure she's into me at all (I was a lot more confident about that a year ago and I was wrong), and i'm being friendzoned again. She already said no once, but things can change a lot in a years' time (she's gotten over that mutual friend of ours, I've changed physically and mentally and don't feel like a long term relationship is paramount in my life anymore) and since I've told her I've had feelings for her before, if things are different, the balls in her court, no?
Ideally, I would like to see if we really do have some sort of romantic potential, we honestly seem perfect for each other. We have similar interest in things like movies, anything sci-fi and nerdy stuff, to bond over, but different enough in other ways that things would be interesting. I've mentioned chemistry a million times, but it honestly baffles me how effortless our interactions are. I know the clearest way to find out is simply ask her, but if Im wrong again, I dont want to put myself out there like that a second time with her and it comes across that the only reason Im still talking to her is because Im looking for something more. I can say honestly that Im alright with being just a friend, I genuinely think it would be a good thing. I just cant help but think this time things have changed, I need some perspective that doesnt come from my own biases and how I see our interactions.
I don't think it's stupid or as simple as ask her out but you guys be the judge. Most girls I'd already be done with one way or another but its different here, or at least I feel it is.
Despite that, I i did manage to get her number and we texted a lot after that in the following weeks. I was working up the nerve to ask her out proper when she invites me to a see a movie one night. I think wow, she actually asked me out first, cool. So I go to pick her up, I dress up nice, but nothing too fancy. She gets into my car with a sweater on, long loose pants, no make up or anything like that. I immediately think this isn't a date and that I read the situation all wrong, but I wait and just see where it goes. The chemistry is there like it always is between us, we're having a good time just on the drive to the theater and I think maybe she dressed that way on our date cause she feels comfortable with me. Before the movie starts we're talking about valentines day plans and I start saying stuff like I'm working on it and that I'm talking to a girl right now who seems interesting blah blah blah, I was hinting really hard I was talking about her. Then she says she has a date with a guy, I'm thinking she's playing along and we're on the same page. She then says she's known him for a while and he's wanted to take her out for years (fuck, not the same page) so she decided to give him a chance. That threw me off, I recover and try to play it cool, like I don't just feel like an enormous idiot and we get through the movie, but I knew then I was friendzoned, shit. I take her home and as we pull up to her house she brings up a friend of mine who she is interested in (the mutual friend that introduced us) and I take note that she mentioned him a lot before in our previous convos, I just thought she was using it as an easy conversation point. Shes crushing hard but hes got a gf at this point. I sympathize lol. Anyway we keep texting throughout the next few days, decide to hang out just me and her. We head downtown, drink a bit and eventually the topic of dating comes up. I mention how I'm tired of looking for quick hookups and want something more significant, she literally says the opposite. However, now I'm tipsy enough where I admit to her I thought the night we saw the movie was her inviting me out on a date. She got really embarrassed and started apologizing but I told her it was fine, I misread the situation and that she didn't do anything wrong. I then tell her I like her, and asked her out for real. She said she wasn't interested. It makes sense as we just got done saying we're not looking for the same things, but I had to try. We both handle it well and I take her home a little later, I'm honestly glad I got a clear cut answer, I can stop worrying about it.
Here I have to admit that I was more interested in her than I thought. We text and hang out still, but its getting less and less frequent and then eventually communication just stops. I stopped going out as much (mostly due to money, but I was also going through some stuff and drinking every weekend wasn't as enjoyable) so I pretty much don't see her until months later or so when I go out for my birthday and she's at the same place with a friend. We say hi and I invite them to sit with our group. It honestly felt like no time had passed, we picked up right where we left off. The chemistry was automatic. I had a fun time, but that was it. No communication afterwards. I left it alone.
Months after this I go out to celebrate a friend's bday, she's there as well. Once again, it's like we had seen each other the day before, not even two sentences into our convo and we're already teasing and messing with one another. Over the course of the night she starts commentating a lot on how good I look (I've been losing weight and working out for the past few years) since she hasn't seen me in a while, I guess the progress is starting to become more noticeable. So she's dropping compliments, asking me how I did it and stuff, which honestly made me feel really good, and we're having a good time. We're interrupted when my friend decides to leave (he's my ride) and we say goodbye around midnight. Not too long after she texts me, informing me she's home, bored laying in bed, and that it was nice seeing me and that she always seems to have a good time when we hang out (ahh, she noticed it too?). She continues to text me throughout the night until she falls asleep.
Since then we've texted pretty regularly and have hung out once (where we're still flirting and teasing each other). The thing is, I don't really know whats going on now. I feel like there's some kind of connection between us, no matter how long its been, it never feels awkward or weird, we're always comfortable. I've made sure to tell her this too and she agrees. Right now, things feel the same as they did a year ago, but they also feel...different between us at the same time? The way we interact hasn't really changed from when I was friendzoned from before, but other things are different. For example, she texts me very often late night before going to bed, just asking what im up to (she does this throughout the day too sometimes) which wasn't so much the case when we texted before. She has also come out to the local park where my friends and I play basketball, something she's known about forever, but never made the effort (was there any reason to?) to come and say hi. She always comes out of her own volition; the last time I was texting her because I was sitting on the sidelines waiting to play, just trying to pass the time with some conversation and she said she'll come by to give me company. The thing is, she doesn't get anything out of it. She's just sitting on the bench with her phone or reading her kindle while we play. We only interact between games and when we walk home together as she leaves when I do, even though shes friends with the other people who go out there too.
This is where we are now and don't know what to do, or really what I want. I realized that when we stopped communicating and hanging out that I had made a mistake. I thought I was doing the right thing by me so I didn't continue having feelings for someone who wasnt interested in me, and it worked, but I realized that having a female friend that I regularly hang out with (I have some, but none I can call up to hang out) is a good thing for me. She has friends who could become potential interests and it'd be great to get a female perspective on certain things (such as this) as well as simply improve my social skills with women in general. I'm kinda stuck. I'm not even sure she's into me at all (I was a lot more confident about that a year ago and I was wrong), and i'm being friendzoned again. She already said no once, but things can change a lot in a years' time (she's gotten over that mutual friend of ours, I've changed physically and mentally and don't feel like a long term relationship is paramount in my life anymore) and since I've told her I've had feelings for her before, if things are different, the balls in her court, no?
Ideally, I would like to see if we really do have some sort of romantic potential, we honestly seem perfect for each other. We have similar interest in things like movies, anything sci-fi and nerdy stuff, to bond over, but different enough in other ways that things would be interesting. I've mentioned chemistry a million times, but it honestly baffles me how effortless our interactions are. I know the clearest way to find out is simply ask her, but if Im wrong again, I dont want to put myself out there like that a second time with her and it comes across that the only reason Im still talking to her is because Im looking for something more. I can say honestly that Im alright with being just a friend, I genuinely think it would be a good thing. I just cant help but think this time things have changed, I need some perspective that doesnt come from my own biases and how I see our interactions.
I don't think it's stupid or as simple as ask her out but you guys be the judge. Most girls I'd already be done with one way or another but its different here, or at least I feel it is.
Jesus. More tips and turns than a rollercoaster.
Anyways, to sum it up, she's your friend. That's it. There isn't anything more. Sounds like she's a good friend, so that's cool.
I'll humor you and throw something you said back at your face. If there is something there, the ball is in her court. You've already made your feelings known. Doing it again will just make you look stupid.
Your mindset: "She's still hanging with me.. maybe things have changed and she likes me."
Her mindset: "He's a good friend who was able to get past me turning him down. I think I'll stay good friends with him."
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