I stopped having long winded text conversations and just met up.
Some people are terrible texters but are awesome in person. Some are the opposite. Texting should be a means to get the first date and that's it.
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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
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I stopped having long winded text conversations and just met up.
Some people are terrible texters but are awesome in person. Some are the opposite. Texting should be a means to get the first date and that's it.
TangerineCloud
Banned
I've been trying to take this approach, and we do have a date scheduled, but I'm afraid she's the one pushing for the texting. She's just... really bad at it. I'm super fucking attracted to her, though, so I've just been trying to grin and bear it until the date.
It's all in the delivery and packaging.
I got a V-Day date phrasing something like this: "I want to ask you something crazy and out of the blue but you must promise to answer with a reason."
She laughed and agreed.
I replied by asking her out for V-Day. She said yes.
Get too busy to respond! Or just cut it off with a nice message like: "I would love to divulge more info but let's save some surprises for our date.
"
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
How far out is the date? (days)
I would somehow just drop into a conversation that "I'm meeting up with friends/coworker for a birthday after work tomorrow" totally unrelated to plans you made with her the day after tomorrow... So when she text you tomorrow, without sounding too indifferent and rude you can text her back ..."I'm doing good thanks, I'm at that birthday thing, I was telling you about the other night"
She gets the idea you're not available to chat and it doesn't seem like something you made up on the spot just to dodge chatting with her that moment. Classic 'Setup and pay off'.
Thus this earns you a night of dodging awkward, forced text messaging with her...
Nice!
You have a date scheduled, but you never know. On your way you might come across a pregnant lady whose water broke and have to urgently drive her to the hospital (or if you're really unlucky you might have to help deliver her in your car), and then bam, you're 15 min late and your date already left and doesn't reply to your txts anymore.
ZackieChan
Member
Of course.
Happened recently with a girl who was super cute, but always working and only replied with stickers (it's on Line). Met up and had basically nothing to say to each other.
Went to my place to watch a movie, she slept over and we had sex twice
TangerineCloud
Banned
Get too busy to respond! Or just cut it off with a nice message like: "I would love to divulge more info but let's save some surprises for our date.
Unfortunately, the date's about 2 weeks out because she goes to school three hours away and won't be back in my area until then.
I hit her with the busy excuse this weekend even though I was completely free. I may have to start getting creative. I'll feel bad using the same excuse to dodge her texts for 13 more days lmao.
...I'd be down for that. But the thing is, I don't even think this girl is looking for hook-ups. So I really have no idea what I'll be getting into with this date.
I wasn't a catch anyway.
ZackieChan
Member
Was supposed to go to an island with another girl for a few days, but she was acting super flaky and I dropped her. I got responsibilities! Wasn't sure if she wanted to go as friends or more, anyway.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
dude! uhmm, *In Chris Rock's voice ..."Twooo weeks!! Twooo Weeeks!?!"
well you better start getting creative with a "busy" lifestyle along with coming up with interesting conversational topics if you want to balance the tightrope of keeping this girl interested in you with minimal text conversation for the next 14 days!
Serious question, is she into playing iOS or android games on her phone? online multiplayer ones preferably? word/ puzzle games?
If she is into one and is hooked, bite the bullet and get into it as well... Pretend to enjoy it as much as she does, and challenge her on it (it's one way to keep a consistent common ground with her until ...TWO WEEKS!?! ) And if she's into console games that you're int...IIIIIII doubt that...
I got the same problem, but with Bumble when i installed it earlier this evening, just a load-screen on the front page. Maybe it needs time to calibrate.
Haven't gotten an ounce of play in a month on OKC since i started here in the DC metro area.
Ghostshark
Member
I had my second date today. We went to see John Wick, went to a comic book store to browse, and got some ribs for lunch. We didn't set up a third*** date, and she said she wasn't sure when she could go out again due to homework from school, but she handed me a comic book and told me to being it back in perfect condition. Seemed like it went well to me. No physical contact at all, but I am more comfortable with going slow. The word date came up several times, so I'm fairly sure she knows I am romantically interested.
Edit: Third date whoops. Not two second dates.
Edit: Third date whoops. Not two second dates.
always crazy bacon
Banned
That's the brush off line, way way too common reason given here for not arranging a 2nd date. There is no way that all your free time for the foreseeable future is prebooked with homework.
At the start of the year there was a girl that brushed of a GAF member here because she was preparing for exams, for the rest of the year! In January!!
She lent you a comic that she wants back, I'd say you've been friendzoned.
ZackieChan
Member
Went on second date, but didn't set up a second date. You're stuck in a time loop, bro (
or the friendzone)
Ghostshark
Member
I saw a gigantic pile of paperwork in her living room when she invited me in. I do believe her when she says she's busy.
From the past few pages, in general guys here just need to relax and not push so hard when they feel some resistance.
If you send a text and don't get a reply for a day, it's not worth freaking out over or sending another one. And never ask why someone didn't reply to a message or took a long time. (unless you had something scheduled). It is confrontational (like someone said earlier) and it screeaamms insecurity. Same was when a girl does it.
Just chill and relax. Be non-reactive. Even if something normally unimportant is actually really getting to you....don't effin show it lol. You're still strangers at this point
For me:
I joined some dating sites (yeah....finally right?).
But dang I haven't much more than jack in terms of responses.
My confidence hasn't changed, nor how I view my attractiveness. Or anything like that.
But I do feel...something. hm, how weird.
If you send a text and don't get a reply for a day, it's not worth freaking out over or sending another one. And never ask why someone didn't reply to a message or took a long time. (unless you had something scheduled). It is confrontational (like someone said earlier) and it screeaamms insecurity. Same was when a girl does it.
Just chill and relax. Be non-reactive. Even if something normally unimportant is actually really getting to you....don't effin show it lol. You're still strangers at this point
For me:
I joined some dating sites (yeah....finally right?).
But dang I haven't much more than jack in terms of responses.
My confidence hasn't changed, nor how I view my attractiveness. Or anything like that.
But I do feel...something. hm, how weird.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Did you think all you needed to do is just put up a profile to be rolling in the pussy? haha.
http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/02/when-overconfidence-backfires-in-online-dating.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-benamati/dating-apps-have-an-impac_b_9069464.html
http://nypost.com/2016/08/10/tinder-is-destroying-mens-self-esteem/
Messofanego
Banned
Haha, I thought this was just a girl thing but glad to be corrected. I'll write a bit more in one message. There are some girls like me, and it's a relief cause I don't have to hear the pings. I'm more of a one message guy until a reply, don't want to seem as annoying.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Multiple, and so are the women. You've got to hedge bet and not over invest in just one potential match.
artsi
Member
I'm actually having kind of trouble keeping up with all the conversations right now, I want to talk to them but somehow it still feels like work.
A break would be nice but on the other hand I don't want to let those conversations fade / let the girls think I've lost interest.
Then I'm also getting new matches every day, and I feel I should open new conversations with those people, thus digging my grave deeper lol.
I've booked dates for the rest of the week though, so I guess that will thin out some of them soon.
A break would be nice but on the other hand I don't want to let those conversations fade / let the girls think I've lost interest.
Then I'm also getting new matches every day, and I feel I should open new conversations with those people, thus digging my grave deeper lol.
I've booked dates for the rest of the week though, so I guess that will thin out some of them soon.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Where in D.C.? OKC here - it sucks, by the way. You're probably better off trying to meet people in person.
Quick question for the thread:
At what point do you usually invite girls over to your place in the dating process? I'm just curious.
The reason I ask is, I've been out with this girl a couple times and things went well both times. Good conversation, good night kiss, etc. I decided to ask if she wanted to come over to my place to watch a movie or something for our third date but she said she wasn't quite comfortable with that yet, which totally fine with me, I told her I have no expectations or anything. We both haven't dated in a while so I think there's a bit of mutual awkwardness there.
At what point do you usually invite girls over to your place in the dating process? I'm just curious.
The reason I ask is, I've been out with this girl a couple times and things went well both times. Good conversation, good night kiss, etc. I decided to ask if she wanted to come over to my place to watch a movie or something for our third date but she said she wasn't quite comfortable with that yet, which totally fine with me, I told her I have no expectations or anything. We both haven't dated in a while so I think there's a bit of mutual awkwardness there.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
Pretty much always at the end of the first date.
No hard and fast rule. Just do what you're both comfortable with. One of the girls I dated was not comfortable with me knowing where she lived (denied pickups or plans at her place) but was okay with visiting my place on the third date.
Krauser Kat
Member
2nd or 3rd date i usually ask to cook for them... which is almost always at my place.
always crazy bacon
Banned
Third date for me, I make sure it's not because I'm planning a move on them. But sometimes things happen anyway!
First date is really just a "make sure they look like their photos and aren't a crazy person." Second date is a good chance to get a little deeper and see how much you like them. Third date I usually ask them over for a pancake night or I tell them I'll make them dinner and we can watch a movie. Usually I make a move on the third date. All of this is subject to change based on the girl, of course.
Cool, thanks guys. I felt the time was right but as I said, I haven't been out there much lately so wanted to see what others thought. I'm happy that I asked her over, even though she wasn't ready. It's a good way to signal how I feel. We had a nice quick chat over text about it too. I had no intentions beyond just hanging out and seeing what happened and I think she knows that. I think things are still going well. Meeting her to see a movie on Wednesday.
In retrospect it was pretty amusing, it was just draining watching the hole get deeper and deeper!
Sorry Johnny
I must've taken your confidence, sorry.
I'm still pretty hurt (oxytocin is a helluva drug, eh?), but I honestly feel really great about myself at the moment. For once I've acknowledged I'm a pretty talented guy, so I think that's helping tremendously with my self-esteem and confidence.
What are you hung up on exactly?
As per this thread's advice, I started hitting up other girls since my date still hasn't said anything since our date last saturday
Found a girl whose tinder profile picture is from my favourite bar in town, so I had the advantage of an easy opener. Started talking a bit and got to know she's only been single for five months and that she's looking for someone serious now. Started talking about our life goals and out of the blue she mentioned I'm a handsome guy and that I won't have any trouble finding a partner. She says this right after mentioning she's pretty picky.
So, aside from the confidence boost, I took this as a sign she is interested. I followed up by saying I can be a little picky too but that I'm flattered a picky person such as herself considers me handsome and that it's a pretty good start. And that's where I am right now.
Now, to continue...
Found a girl whose tinder profile picture is from my favourite bar in town, so I had the advantage of an easy opener. Started talking a bit and got to know she's only been single for five months and that she's looking for someone serious now. Started talking about our life goals and out of the blue she mentioned I'm a handsome guy and that I won't have any trouble finding a partner. She says this right after mentioning she's pretty picky.
So, aside from the confidence boost, I took this as a sign she is interested. I followed up by saying I can be a little picky too but that I'm flattered a picky person such as herself considers me handsome and that it's a pretty good start. And that's where I am right now.
Now, to continue...
LucidMomentum
Member
Dude stop flirting and ask her out. That train is leaving the station and the only decision you have to make is whether or not to get on.
I mean, keep flirting but don't JUST flirt.
DJ Lushious
Member
I fired off some quick message with a couple of questions to her, to keep the ball rolling. She replied same day. I was shocked. And in her response she answered 2/3 of the questions. The one she didn't answer was basically did she do anything fun over the 3-day weekend. Seems a bit... off.
I'm not going to respond. She didn't throw any questions my way.
I'm 35, single, and the past few months have been hell for me, in regards to online dating. I've sent out a lot of messages and what couple of responses I've gotten back wind up with me being ghosted.
This is making very sad. It is one aspect of my life I cannot change; I have no control over what anyone else thinks/feels/acts towards me. And it's killing my self-worth and confidence in the process.
LucidMomentum
Member
There's your problem. It might sound flippant but you're right, you have no control over other people. Only yourself. So do the things you want to do and be the person you want to be and some day if you're lucky and work at it someone who likes you for you will come along.
But don't let a dry spell kill your self-worth. Don't tie your confidence to other people, as weird as that sounds. It's a bad way to live life.
Ultramantaro1
Member
If there's one thing online dating has revealed to me, it's that many women are terrible at flirting and maintaining a conversation over text, in the initial phase at least. Once you get to know them though, then they text too much! Lol It is your responsibility to keep the ball moving forward, and skip to a face to face meeting ASAP.
Did you think all you needed to do is just put up a profile to be rolling in the pussy? haha.
http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2016/02/when-overconfidence-backfires-in-online-dating.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-benamati/dating-apps-have-an-impac_b_9069464.html
http://nypost.com/2016/08/10/tinder-is-destroying-mens-self-esteem/
omg that's not how it works?
a lot of girls profiles I've seen are basically empty. But to be fair, to get guys to message you, you don't have to do much.
Messofanego
Banned
Have been having a string of good first dates. Two previous ones went well, although the last one she was a bit too quiet and doesn't respond to texts as much so I'm guessing it's a no. Today's first date was one of the best I've had. Spent a couple of hours chatting at a hipster-y coffee place. Then went to the main attraction which was the escape room in Nottingham (Escapalogic, we chose the Curio room). It was a lot of fun figuring out puzzles together in gothic fashion. First time doing such an activity. Had Turkish lunch afterwards. I made a couple of flirty remarks, she seemed to like them. Honestly, a bit too much eye contact haha! We are so matched on interests (thrill-seeking, rock climbing, travelling, horror movies) and our goals in life. Let's see what happens. Got three others to meet.
NotTheGuyYouKill
Member
LucidMomentum
Member
One to two days isn't bad, and for a lot of people will be a good indicator of if you're looking to get to know someone or just looking for a "date" with anyone.
But like, we're talking weeks or, in my young and dumb phase, months between meeting someone and asking them out.
Don't wait that long if you want to date someone. Especially if the signs are there.
Messofanego
Banned
Yeah, I ain't that dumb haha. I'll keep going with whats been working then.
A day or two is fine! No rush. I like knowing that a girl and I share core values and have a good rhythm going before we meet. Just don't wait more than a week to meet up.
So just looking for a little advice here; more like instinct confirmation, really. Ultimatums are bad in general, but what about straight up asking a girl if she's still interested when you think the trail is more or less dead?
A little context: Met a pretty cool chick. We had a great first date. A few days later we arranged something more intimate and that also went great. I'm not imagining that. She was definitely feeling it then. Throughout that pretty extensive second date, she spoke about our future interactions like it was a sure thing. Even in the moment it struck me as pretty optimistic, but she's cool, so I was into it. I left the next day feeling absolutely certain I'd see her again, and soon. We didn't arrange anything at the time because she's insanely busy with her work. And there's the rub. She's married to her work and lives just far enough away that our mutually awkward schedules can make it hard to connect. No big deal, we found time twice, it can happen again. Well, maybe not.
It's been almost a month since I've seen her. She's responsive and even apologetic when I reach out to her to make plans, but she says she doesn't have time (right now -- it's always implied that something later could work). More time is passing between my attempts now and it's starting to feel ridiculous when I plan the next volley. Naturally, I suspect that something totally outside of my influence has changed and she just isn't interested anymore. If that's the case, that's fine. She is in charge of her life and if she decided it's not what she wants, more power to her. I hate gambling with a connection like this though. At what point (and how) can I ask her if she's still jiving with what we started?
A little context: Met a pretty cool chick. We had a great first date. A few days later we arranged something more intimate and that also went great. I'm not imagining that. She was definitely feeling it then. Throughout that pretty extensive second date, she spoke about our future interactions like it was a sure thing. Even in the moment it struck me as pretty optimistic, but she's cool, so I was into it. I left the next day feeling absolutely certain I'd see her again, and soon. We didn't arrange anything at the time because she's insanely busy with her work. And there's the rub. She's married to her work and lives just far enough away that our mutually awkward schedules can make it hard to connect. No big deal, we found time twice, it can happen again. Well, maybe not.
It's been almost a month since I've seen her. She's responsive and even apologetic when I reach out to her to make plans, but she says she doesn't have time (right now -- it's always implied that something later could work). More time is passing between my attempts now and it's starting to feel ridiculous when I plan the next volley. Naturally, I suspect that something totally outside of my influence has changed and she just isn't interested anymore. If that's the case, that's fine. She is in charge of her life and if she decided it's not what she wants, more power to her. I hate gambling with a connection like this though. At what point (and how) can I ask her if she's still jiving with what we started?
It might be hard to hear, but maybe it's time to leave the ball in her court. Tell her that you want to hang out but you realize she's busy and tell her, if you want to hang out, let me know when is a good time. Then just ghost. Let her come to you, and if the connection was as strong as you believe it to be, then she will make time for you. Otherwise, you're better off finding someone who will make the time.
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