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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Ray Wonder

Ray Wonder

Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
efyu_lemonardo said:
Yeah, this story doesn't make much sense. He got nervous about talking on the phone with the girl he was planning on having sex with?
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Phone anxiety is a real thing. I used to be that way. Talking face to face was 1000x easier to me than calling on a phone.

idk why
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
Ray Wonder said:
Phone anxiety is a real thing. I used to be that way. Talking face to face was 1000x easier to me than calling on a phone.

idk why
Click to expand...
Interesting. Still, from the girl's point of view it's pretty obvious she's gonna want to talk to the guy before meeting, let alone sleeping together.
 
T

TangerineCloud

Banned
Messofanego said:
Why didn't you just call her? That's what I've done when someone says they want to talk to me on the phone but haven't bothered to yet. Just take the iniative.
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Thats the thing: I was totally going to! I had been typing up a text saying I'd have some time to talk in an hour or two, but she hit me with the "lol K. Never mind." literally seconds after I sent the text expressing my surprise. She just never responded after that, even when I told her I was down to talk.
 
S

Salamando

Member
efyu_lemonardo said:
Interesting. Still, from the girl's point of view it's pretty obvious she's gonna want to talk to the guy before meeting, let alone sleeping together.
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He mentioned being surprised, not nervous. I can see it. Girl's responses were curt, she randomly texts "call me", he replies "Wait, what?" and she ends it. If the hookup was that tenuous, it wasn't going to stick.
 
X

Xun

Member
Lulubop said:
type hey dog in the gif search. It's OP, you might even get laid tonight
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I'll have to give this a go when I get back into dating.

Assuming my liver is fine I should be able to drink by the end of next week, so I'll probably get my arse back into gear the following week.

My doctor said I should no longer be contagious when I'm feeling 100% (which is now), so I should be fine.

It's shit not having a definitive answer though...
 
A

animax

Member
Kyledk05 said:
Thats the thing: I was totally going to! I had been typing up a text saying I'd have some time to talk in an hour or two, but she hit me with the "lol K. Never mind." literally seconds after I sent the text expressing my surprise. She just never responded after that, even when I told her I was down to talk.
Click to expand...

Yeah but your "expression of suprise" text most likely ridiculed her idea to want to talk. She put herself out there, you kinda threw it in her face (by the sounds of it).

Would be like if you asked someone on a date and they reacted with "pffftt, really??"

I may be reading too much, but that's what it sounds like to me
 
G

gaiages

Banned
efyu_lemonardo said:
The one I found back then was called Patook and was quite new at the time - seems quite sophisticated, it has algorithms to detect and filter pickup lines lol. Leeness says she tried an app called Skout so apparently there's a few of them.



Actually it was Patook. Check out their website - they seem quite dedicated to enforcing their policy of strictly Platnic friendships. I don't work for them or anything, to be clear :)
Click to expand...

Aw, it's not available in Florida until April 15th :(
 
L

Leeness

Member
Sorry, been at work... haha.

LucidMomentum said:
So, you're not looking to "date" in the formal sense of the word but you're scared of larger groups / crowds so things like meetups and hobby groups intimidate you.

So you're looking for that but on a more one-on-one scale, hence the dating site attempts to find people?

But if you find someone you would hope they'd find a significant other so they would feel romantically fulfilled with a relationship because you wouldn't be willing to be in that position, but would hope they'd still place a priority on spending time with you?

What's the optimal "size" of a hangout for you before it gets uncomfortable? Because if you have a friend who then finds an SO and they both have friends, you're going to run into a group situation eventually.

I guess what I'm trying to ask is:

Why aren't you willing to date with the intention of finding someone to be romantically involved with? That usually lends itself to a more one-on-one sort of relationship.

Once you narrow that down, it might be better to work on that than to find someone to serve as an emotional crutch. Because it seems like the path you're taking is going to lead to a lot of confusion and people getting upset with you for no real reason.

If it's for emotional / mental reasons, do you have a therapist? If it's for physical / sexual / gender identity issues, just be up front about your hangups to people and worst case you know they wouldn't have been good to hang out with anyways.

Or you could hang out with that one GAFer who was using Tinder to find people to eat lunch and dinner with and nothing more...
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I don't want to date romantically. I'm borderline asexual/maybe demisexual at most, and find most contact really...bleh.

No therapist, just want friends. :) And like...I'm fine with small groups of friends (though I inevitably will gravitate away and let them hang out), but, yeah.

Kyne said:
it probably wouldn't :(

You would then be the "attractive girl friend" that he keeps around and the new squeeze will always be wondering if there is anything going on between you two.

Maybe I'm not giving people enough credit though. I hope that you can find a guy who finds a girlfriend who is very understanding of the situation. That would be the best case scenario for you.
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There's no reason for any girlfriend to be jealous of me :(

WolfeTone said:
I've certainly become friends with a number of girls I met through dating sites like tinder and OK Cupid, but in the vast majority of cases, those began with actual dates with romantic intentions. When it became clear there was no romantic potential, but we still wanted to be friends, we pursued friendship only. I'm also strictly friends with a number of people I used to date, which I know people sometimes find weird.

It's rare that I'd pursue strict friendship from the outset, but on one occasion, I matched with a girl on tinder with no profile photos but who had an interesting bio. I learned that she was just looking for friends, but I found her interesting enough that I was okay with just pursuing that. I never saw a photo of her before we met, although I did speak with her on the phone to make sure she wasn't some psycho. We've been friends for over a year and there is no attraction between us. She considers herself to be borderline asexual, although I frequently make fun of her for using dating sites like OK Cupid and tinder to find friends or conduct 'social experiments'.

These things are definitely not the norm I feel. I guess if your bio on dating sites is explicitly written to indicate that you want friends only, it might be worth a shot, but I'd imagine you still get a bunch of thirsty dudes promising to cure you of your asexuality by showing you what 'romance' is all about.
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Arg, that's exactly what I want, a guy friend who I can hang out with and they can make fun of me trying to find more friends on silly sites :(

No_Style said:
A number of people have already touched upon this but I believe you will find what you're looking for if you are open to a romantic relationship first -- even if you need to feign interest. My experience mirrors WolfTone's where the couple of girls I've befriended, did start off with the intention of romance.

If you do go down this route, you need to cut off romantic intentions early and not lead them on beyond the first date. Maybe go through a period of no contact for a bit (a couple of weeks) and then try re-establish contact as friends. Ask them how they're online dating is going etc.
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I wouldn't want to lie like that... Besides, I've tried it before lol
it didn't work at all because there is absolutely nothing about me that any guy would want romantically and had pretty much the same results haha

efyu_lemonardo said:
The one I found back then was called Patook and was quite new at the time - seems quite sophisticated, it has algorithms to detect and filter pickup lines lol. Leeness says she tried an app called Skout so apparently there's a few of them.

Actually it was Patook. Check out their website - they seem quite dedicated to enforcing their policy of strictly Platnic friendships. I don't work for them or anything, to be clear :)
Click to expand...

Oh I think I tried that briefly too and it was pretty similar. :( I see I downloaded it, but it either didn't work or guys were just using it like Tinder anyway...
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
Leeness said:
I wouldn't want to lie like that... Besides, I've tried it before lol
it didn't work at all because there is absolutely nothing about me that any guy would want romantically and had pretty much the same results haha


Oh I think I tried that briefly too and it was pretty similar. :( I see I downloaded it, but it either didn't work or guys were just using it like Tinder anyway...
Click to expand...

Shame as it seems to be the kind of service made just for you. I'll keep thinking of other alternatives!

About that spoiler though:
throwing that out in this thread is nothing if not a cry for help, isn't it?
 
M

Mr Solo Dolo

Member
Finally Tinder delivers.

A few messages back and forward and she's told me to give her an hour to get ready and then come over....

Pray for me gaf. I like my kidneys.
 
N

No_Style

Member
efyu_lemonardo said:
What? No, it's nothing like that!
I meant it isn't fair to ask Leeness to pretend to be interested romantically if she's not, just as it isn't fair to meet guys under false pretenses.
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That's totally fair. I'm trying to suggest she walk a very fine line but I'm failing to explain it without it sounding malicious.

I wasn't trying get her to lead people on and pretend to show romantic interest. I was trying to say that she should consider going on first dates with those with romantic intentions and then cutting them off in hopes that they'll come around and want to continue to be friends. It's happened to WolfeTone and myself and we weren't trying to seek out friends.

Because trying to specifically look for single guys on a dating site who are looking for friendship only sounds like a fool's errand.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
efyu_lemonardo said:
Shame as it seems to be the kind of service made just for you. I'll keep thinking of other alternatives!

About that spoiler though:
throwing that out in this thread is nothing if not a cry for help, isn't it?
Click to expand...

No, she doesn't want help. Not actual dating help, at least.
 
L

Leeness

Member
efyu_lemonardo said:
Shame as it seems to be the kind of service made just for you. I'll keep thinking of other alternatives!

About that spoiler though:
throwing that out in this thread is nothing if not a cry for help, isn't it?
Click to expand...

Thanks!

And nope :p

No_Style said:
That's totally fair. I'm trying to suggest she walk a very fine line but I'm failing to explain it without it sounding malicious.

I wasn't trying get her to lead people on and pretend to show romantic interest. I was trying to say that she should consider going on first dates with those with romantic intentions and then cutting them off in hopes that they'll come around and want to continue to be friends. It's happened to WolfeTone and myself and we weren't trying to seek out friends.

Because trying to specifically look for single guys on a dating site who are looking for friendship only sounds like a fool's errand.
Click to expand...

I mean...I kind of tried that before but it basically gave me the same results. I also ended up with one guy messaging me for about 8 months with "why" "why" until I blocked him. :/ So I feel I'd rather be upfront.

gaiages said:
No, she doesn't want help. Not actual dating help, at least.
Click to expand...

Guy friend help! Which kind of bleeds into this, somewhat, because it's hard to separate the two :(
There isn't really a Making Friends OT anyway...
 
T

TangerineCloud

Banned
Mr Solo Dolo said:
Finally Tinder delivers.

A few messages back and forward and she's told me to give her an hour to get ready and then come over....

Pray for me gaf. I like my kidneys.
Click to expand...

Nice. Have fun!

animax said:
Yeah but your "expression of suprise" text most likely ridiculed her idea to want to talk. She put herself out there, you kinda threw it in her face (by the sounds of it).

Would be like if you asked someone on a date and they reacted with "pffftt, really??"

I may be reading too much, but that's what it sounds like to me
Click to expand...

All I said to her was, "Wow, that's unexpected. What inspired this?". Nothing too harsh, so I don't think that was it. But who knows? She was pretty insecure by her own admission. If that was really enough to set her off, then maybe we were better off not taking things further. lol
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
Leeness said:
Guy friend help! Which kind of bleeds into this, somewhat, because it's hard to separate the two :(
There isn't really a Making Friends OT anyway...
Click to expand...

A big part of the problem here is timing. People our age are far more willing to put in effort towards finding a partner than making new friends, let alone friends of the opposite sex. I've tried remaining friends with some of the girls I've dated and it almost never happens. It's a lot of work to build a friendship from scratch.


Kyledk05 said:
All I said to her was, "Wow, that's unexpected. What inspired this?". Nothing too harsh, so I don't think that was it. But who knows? She was pretty insecure by her own admission. If that was really enough to set her off, then maybe we were better off not taking things further. lol
Click to expand...
From what I read it seems like she wasn't sure what she was looking for. Best to forget about her in my opinion.
 
G

gaiages

Banned
I really wish someone would make a friends making OT for real tho. I could benefit from such a thread, and I'm sure others would, and it comes up from time to time here.

I'm too lazy to make one, though.
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
gaiages said:
I really wish someone would make a friends making OT for real tho. I could benefit from such a thread, and I'm sure others would, and it comes up from time to time here.

I'm too lazy to make one, though.
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Weird thing is we have so many anecdotes and tips and ideas about dating, and to be honest I don't know how I'd advise someone go about making new friends our age. It happens much less frequently, to me at least.
 
A

Astral

Member
And here I am not giving a single shit about making friends. Haven't even made an attempt in years. That probably hurts my chances of getting a date though, at least a little bit.
 
L

Leeness

Member
efyu_lemonardo said:
A big part of the problem here is timing. People our age are far more willing to put in effort towards finding a partner than making new friends, let alone friends of the opposite sex. I've tried remaining friends with some of the girls I've dated and it almost never happens. It's a lot of work to build a friendship from scratch.
Click to expand...

This is true...

No_Style said:
8 months?! Yeesh.
Click to expand...

Something like that. It's been a while. Sometimes it would be "why", sometimes he'd try to pretend like he was a new person ("hey, you new on here?", like I'd forgotten or something), then he'd go back to "why". I don't like blocking people, but I finally blocked him :/
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
Astral said:
And here I am not giving a single shit about making friends. Haven't even made an attempt in years. That probably hurts my chances of getting a date though, at least a little bit.
Click to expand...

As long as you realize that friendship is an important part of a successful romantic partnership I don't think you should feel bad about putting your short term focus on the latter. It's what most people looking for serious relationships do, with the understanding that friendship will develop in time.
 
N

No_Style

Member
efyu_lemonardo said:
A big part of the problem here is timing. People our age are far more willing to put in effort towards finding a partner than making new friends, let alone friends of the opposite sex. I've tried remaining friends with some of the girls I've dated and it almost never happens. It's a lot of work to build a friendship from scratch.
Click to expand...

I'm the outlier where this isn't really true. I'm in my early 30s and I've never really had female friends so I'm sorta making up for lost time. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) for me, there are lulls between romantic interests and I've been using this time to catch up and reconnect with girls who wanted to remain friends. The trickiest part is when to reconnect.

Ozorov said:
So on Tinder... What standard do you guys have to swipe right? 10/10-girl of my dreams, 8+, 6-isch? I feel like I'm way too picky. I'm sure I've missed a lot of fine ladies. I mean we all ain't photogenetic and so.
Click to expand...

If it's like Bumble, most 10's are fakes.
 
O

Ozorov

Member
So on Tinder... What standard do you guys have to swipe right? 10/10-girl of my dreams, 8+, 6-isch? I feel like I'm way too picky. I'm sure I've missed a lot of fine ladies. I mean we all ain't photogenetic and so.
 
A

Ashby

Member
Ozorov said:
So on Tinder... What standard do you guys have to swipe right? 10/10-girl of my dreams, 8+, 6-isch? I feel like I'm way too picky. I'm sure I've missed a lot of fine ladies. I mean we all ain't photogenetic and so.
Click to expand...

Swipe 'til you can't then see who you match with.
 
O

Ozorov

Member
Ashby said:
Swipe 'til you can't then see who you match with.
Click to expand...

TC14510-2.jpg
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
No_Style said:
I'm the outlier where this isn't really true. I'm in my early 30s and I've never really had female friends so I'm sorta making up for lost time. Fortunately (or unfortunately?) for me, there are lulls between romantic interests and I've been using this time to catch up and reconnect with girls who wanted to remain friends. The trickiest part is when to reconnect.
Click to expand...

As long as there's no tension that sounds awesome, frankly. Definitely agree that it shouldn't be either one or the other (in terms of Platonic and non-Platonic relationships), but finding balance is one of the bigger challenges in life. I imagine it's something we all struggle with.

Edit: just noticed on your profile you're from Ottawa. Isn't Leeness from that area? Perhaps you guys should meet.
 
X

Xun

Member
Ozorov said:
So on Tinder... What standard do you guys have to swipe right? 10/10-girl of my dreams, 8+, 6-isch? I feel like I'm way too picky. I'm sure I've missed a lot of fine ladies. I mean we all ain't photogenetic and so.
Click to expand...
It's not good to swipe right at everyone.

Tinder apparently (according to some) pushes you further down the list if you do.
 
E

efyu_lemonardo

May I have a cookie?
Xun said:
It's not good to swipe right at everyone.

Tinder apparently (according to some) pushes you further down the list if you do.
Click to expand...
Missed your post from before - so does this mean you've recovered from mono? If so, that was very quick!
I had it ten years ago and it took me several months to get back to perfect health! Admittedly, working my ass off at a job I hated didn't help.
 
O

Ozorov

Member
Xun said:
It's not good to swipe right at everyone.

Tinder apparently (according to some) pushes you further down the list if you do.
Click to expand...

Haha I see, not that I would swipe right at everyone either way. Is there some cool conspiracy theories about Tinders algoritm?
 
P

Pancake Mix

Copied someone else's pancake recipe
I don't think we should make a judgement call. She's shy and wants somewhere to vent.

Not about dating specifically, but I mean, it's all life, whatever.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
Well, that was easy. Date planned for Sunday. We're going to a Girl Scout cookie and wine pairing thing at a nearby winery.

Pretty intense logistically, but wine not?
 
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