So I'm thinking of taking a break from dating and working on myself. I moved to the DMV area last year and was trying the online dating thing. I was dating around 3-5 women at a time.
In November I started talking to this woman. She happened to have the same name as an ex and her middle name was my daughters. I tended to pursue the professional types. But she was different. She gave off an artsy vibe. Her sign was Aquarius, she was very free spirited.
We had one to three hour phone conversations. We met. I thought she was pretty (she was a little big but it looked fine on her frame). I was intriguied to see where things would go.
She was more spontaneous than organized, planning dates out.
I came to find out she had an "abusive" childhood (this was never conceptualized clearly but that it was unhealthy). She had a bad stint in the Army. She was a single mom and had a failed marriage (her husband cheated on her many times).
I was surprised she was single with her looks and personality (hmmm).
I soon discovered that she was moody, introverted and wouldn't express her feelings in a healthy manner. Had a tinge of anger whenever she spoke about things. She never liked to talk about work (she seemed unfulfilled as a recruiter). And just seemed like she had unresolved issues. She was a black feminist which was a lot to handle.
So I have to admit I can be sarcastic and sometimes say things at the wrong time. Like the annoying way Spider-Man likes to make quips despite being in serious situations.
So we ended up having our first rough patch when she and I were discussing qualities about the other. She tends to get super angry, aggressive so I responded in kind. Anyways, she texted me after the phone convo and was like she learned a lot. Next thing you know, she wouldn't take my phone calls and didn't want to talk to me.
Eventually we talked again and she agreed to meet up. We went to Top Golf. I met her there. Before we met, I got into a fender bender. After resolving the issue with the guy I hit, we went in. I had never played golf before and she started to clown me and was ultra competitive. So we ended up getting into a disagreement again because I was engaged with the pair playing next to us because it's two friends where one is teaching the other how to play golf (which I'm a newbie).
Anyways, she tells me she wants to talk. I was at work and was like I can call you now or later. She says whenever is fine. I try calling her after work and I kept getting a weird busy message. I had never been blocked before, so I was clueless that was happening.
This goes on for like a week. Finally she reaches out. She says she's a hypersensitive person (HSP). I had to look it up. So the extreme manner she's reacting to my comments is a result of it.
We resume dating again. And every few weeks we would go through this situation whereby I might say something in gest at an inappropriate time and she would stop talking for days.
I know definition of insanity to keep pursuing. I try one time by sending her a Valentine Days Card.
We resume talking again.
Her birthday is a few days later. I ask her to the movies. We go see John Wick Chapter 2. I bring her flowers, candy, a card and balloons. I thought we had a good time. She asks me when is the next time we will see each other.
Two days later, we're talking on the phone. She has a cold and is on her way to the pharmacy late at night. We're just talking and I cornily say I'd love to hold her hand. All of a sudden she snaps. And she says I'm too sappy. Too romantically focused. And it's boring her. I'm like wow, where is this coming from? She gets off the phone. We haven't spoken since.
Meanwhile, I was putting my energy and eggs into her basket ignoring the other bonds/relationships I was forming with other females. I felt like I was trying to be a nice guy, pursuing, courting, etc with her whereas with the others it was circular.
I saw this post in the Drake is a simp thread and I felt like it was echoing her words some how.
You're a sad sad man. It's not the alpha male shit that gets you laid, it's being able to effectively convey confidence and the ability to succeed. Guess who are pretty good at it?
Being a "nice guy" is shit. Doesn't work. Wanna know why? You're boring her. Think about how many "nice guys" a girl meets, who just desperately want to be in love, hold doors open, always telling them they're gorgeous and replying to every message within a minute, tips their fedora etc.
The idea of being with someone like that is incredibly boring and off-putting. How about getting with someone who can be independent, works towards what they want and gets it, acts the way they want and seems genuine - oh hey, that's a much more interesting choice.
I didn't start to get dates and go out until I grew a backbone, showed myself some respect and go my own way. Try developing agency, it's key.
Also drake is an actor/singer with millions of dollars and international fame. Your "nice guy" coworker mark isn't. Probably plays elder scrolls for 5 hours every night. Yeah.
I'd appreciate any advice you guys got.
