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[Insane Metal]

i have been on 5 dates with this 30yr old mother. All of them have been pretty good. Its just weird. She is going for her PHd in Psychology. She never rifs or tags onto anything irreverent and uses dude and high fives me when i cum. Its the strangest thing. I think i have to end it. conversationally everything is like a thesis. its so hard to explain.

rejecting people is the worst.

Hahhahahahahah wtf man

 

[Astral]

She probably high fives you for that positive reinforcement.

 

[gaiages]

But I go to the gym for me and me only.

Spoiler

Ok like 90% me.

I only go to the gym to get strong bro

Spoiler

I want to admire my naked body in the mirror and be like 'fuck yeah, I'm hot'

Jeah simple indeed. Will do this! For me it was quite weird to like why do you say yes and sound really positive about it. When I get concrete it is like:

- Jeah no no swimming cause I am fat (I admit that swimming on a first date is not smart)
- No eating cause I am fat

Or she is insecure or she is playing... Dunno in the past I could lose my shit over this and be sad now it is like okay if you do not want to dont waste my time

She can't eat because she's fat? Not only does that sound like a poor excuse, but that's just a stupid mindset to have.

I'd just move on, she sounds annoying tbh

 

[FyreWulff]

One of my exes high fived me after our first time.. so.. not unheard of? We were both kinda jokesters though, didn't seem weird to us lol. we were just talking afterwards and high fived me as she was getting back into the bed after going to the bathroom.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Would going to a museum be a good place for a first date? I thought it would be since it's educational.

 

[dglavimans]

I only go to the gym to get strong bro

Spoiler

I want to admire my naked body in the mirror and be like 'fuck yeah, I'm hot'

She can't eat because she's fat? Not only does that sound like a poor excuse, but that's just a stupid mindset to have.

I'd just move on, she sounds annoying tbh

Jeah sounded weird to I mean come on do I need to reply to that saying you are not or something..? Fishing for compliments or just really insecure

 

[Curt Baboon]

Would going to a museum be a good place for a first date? I thought it would be since it's educational.

Wouldn't be my first choice.

 

[Salamando]

Would going to a museum be a good place for a first date? I thought it would be since it's educational.

A good place for a first date is any place you can talk. Museums aren't very conducive for conversation. You'd be better off walking around a park than walking around a museum.

 

[Jhoan]

A good place for a first date is any place you can talk. Museums aren't very conducive for conversation. You'd be better off walking around a park than walking around a museum.

Agreed. 95% of the time museums involve looking at stuff and either whispering about it or silently moving on and making small talk in between the next exhibition. Unless it has some kind of hands on interaction, museums are saved for third or fourth dates.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

I guess I'll keep thinking.

 

[GK86]

Edit - ohh first date.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

There are plenty in the Raleigh-Durham area.

 

[WolfeTone]

I'd be down for a museum date but maybe not as a first date unless you already know the person reasonably well.

I don't know what benefit a museum being 'educational' would have for a date though.

Best first dates for me have been tea/coffee or some kind of dessert-based food (not a full-meal) like gelato or cheesecake. The activity should not distract from conversation which should be the main attraction on a date.

 

[brawly]

Would going to a museum be a good place for a first date? I thought it would be since it's educational.

Depends on the person. Like, if you're studying history together, sure. Otherwise? Probably go for something safer.

 

[Soriku]

Would going to a museum be a good place for a first date? I thought it would be since it's educational.

Just go to Starbucks brah

 

[gaiages]

A date because it's 'educational' isn't really the right way to look at dating, imo >.>

Museums are cool and all, but you want something a little more romantic and/or easy to talk at.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

A date because it's 'educational' isn't really the right way to look at dating, imo >.>

Museums are cool and all, but you want something a little more romantic and/or easy to talk at.

So these then?

Just go to Starbucks brah

You'd be better off walking around a park than walking around a museum.

 

[efyu_lemonardo]

Now I won't be able to high five my (primary school) students without feeling bad for a while...

 

[FyreWulff]

second park over museum, the problem with museums is there's no real opportunity to interact with each other. that's more of a later-in-relationship-thing-to-go-do-thing

 

[Seven Force]

This "hey dog" gif is the truth. My response rate is so high right now.

Real talk. Kinda caught me off guard with how well it's working out, lol

Also going to second parks over a museum. Some of my most enjoyable dates have been literal walks in the park.

 

[gaiages]

So these then?

yes

 

[Pancake Mix]

I only go to the gym to get strong bro

Spoiler

I want to admire my naked body in the mirror and be like 'fuck yeah, I'm hot'

Now that's a good goal.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Spoiler

I want to admire my naked body in the mirror and be like 'fuck yeah, I'm hot'

This is probably my biggest motivation as well. Helps with sports too.

 

[ZackieChan]

So these then?

Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Just hit up a cafe (maybe one more interesting than Starbucks) and chat for a couple hours. Have a nearby 2nd location ready to hit up if things are going well and you don't want to end it. Even a place for dinner and drinks is good, depending on the time of day. Then have your place nearby if the vibes are there 😏

 

[Curt Baboon]

God damn, this has been the month of break-ups. I ended it with a girl on the first week of February using the excuse that I wasn't totally over my previous relationship only to have the same thing done to me by the end of the month. As if I had pissed off the Dark Lord of Valentine.

I was into this girl, too. More than I would like to show or admit. It doesn't hurt as if it was an actual thing that mattered, but the feeling of disappointment is a shitty thing. A month isn't a long time at all, but I feel like I connected with her more in that time than I did with the previous fling.

Even worse, I've always had tangible options until now. There was always someone for me to bounce off to, but after I ended things with the first girl and started going out with this one I got too complacent. I guess it was out of exhaustion for the whole process, but now I'm back at square one. I feel like a runner waiting for a starting pistol that never came.

Already getting some girls chatting me up on Tinder as if the Universe was telling me to get back on the horse right the fuck now, but man...I'm just bummin' out here. Like, a few moments away from turning the lights down and pulling out the Tom Waits/Johnny Cash brooding playlist.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. Just hit up a cafe (maybe one more interesting than Starbucks) and chat for a couple hours. Have a nearby 2nd location ready to hit up if things are going well and you don't want to end it. Even a place for dinner and drinks is good, depending on the time of day. Then have your place nearby if the vibes are there 😏

Yeah, I should keep it simple.

 

[ATF487]

Man I don't think I'm going to ghost people anymore, had it done to me twice over the weekend after first dates and now I'm absolutely pathetic, constantly checking my phone and getting tetchy when there are no texts. Had to turn off my phone to keep from compulsively looking at it. I was prepared for one of the girls to not be interested; our date was more strained than I thought it would be, and I wondered if it was an off day since I had more trouble keeping the conversation going than I anticipated, but the other one I really liked. Still hoping the latter gets back to me but it's been 24 hours so I am not optimistic.

I got a 12% raise today too and I'm being such a whiny little shit!

@Curt Baboon I'm now listening to Blue Valentine and drinking scotch, thanks for the idea!

 

[Curt Baboon]

To the hero who came up with the Hey Dog GIF...

 

[Gotdatmoney]

To the hero who came up with the Hey Dog GIF...

What gif is it exactly?

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

What gif is it exactly?

Use it now. It'll be played out in a month.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Use it now. It'll be played out in a month.

Yes, then it will evolve to meme status, next up hey girl cat so on on so forth until it becomes so cheesy that it will have the opposite effect and only the desperate sad cases will keep sending it because it worked once.

 

[Curt Baboon]

Yes, then it will evolve to meme status, next up hey girl cat so on on so forth until it becomes so cheesy that it will have the opposite effect and only the desperate sad cases will keep sending it because it worked once.

That one month will be glorious, though.

 

[ginger ninja]

Hmm, I'm curious... did the loss of interest and attraction happen shortly after the two of you started having sex? I ask that because I've noticed that there can sometimes be a massive dropoff that occurs for many men shortly after sex enters the equation. In my personal experience with that feeling years ago, I found that it was because I mistakenly felt like we hit our peak once we started having sex, and that there was nothing left to be curious or excited about afterwards.

This kind of thing often happens when first-timers place sex on a high pedestal or the zenith of dating -- not in a shallow way, but more like not really knowing what's supposed to happen next. That can create a sense of aimlessness and confusion if gone unchecked, which can subsequently lead to the misguided feeling of no future; when in fact, there could be. You just might not be thinking broad enough to see that you haven't reached the proverbial peak.

The best way to assess that is to revisit all of her qualities and traits while asking yourself "what is it about those things that make me feel like there isn't a future for us?"

If you find yourself stumbling for an answer there, I'd turn your attention to the sex-based turning point theory and contemplate how that may have affected your perception. If, however, you can rattle off a few solid reasons about her way of being that truly does affect you, then I would look to ending it and moving forward.

It seems like you feel that way because the romance phase is over so you want an excuse to bail out. It's easy to say that if you're not attracted to her, it's easy as ending it sooner rather than later. What is it about her that you don't find attractive any more? Maybe you can find some ways to spice things up in the bedroom or do different things to gain a newfound appreciation for her e.g. go hiking. I agree with AD that four weeks is nothing to go by to even really know someone. Try several months or years.

Also, personally I don't believe there's such thing as a "perfect" girl. You either hit it off with someone. they accept your flaws and quirks, like you for for who you are or they don't. It's that easy. Looks are only one half of the equation.

The fact that this occurred in such a short timespan means it's you, not her. She's stayed the same; it's not like anything she changed over the past few weeks.

Figure out why you're thinking differently.

The fact that she was your "first" in so many ways means it's going to be a very interesting self-analysis. Feel free to PM me, as well. Basically, as someone who's spent far too much time in unproductive relationships and pushed away those with whom I had a connection, I really don't want to see others make the mistakes I did.

So, this is a public forum.

The ex with whom I've spent some time lately, and with whom I might possibly ask out again... I grew distant from her because, like you, I became less attracted to her. On the other hand, the sexual attraction remained. I just started becoming totally nitpicky in a ridiculously shallow way. Basically, things were going so well that I started looking for excuses as a defensive mechanism. I went to a friend's wedding in China last September, and I resolved that I wanted a girl from another country because that's how you experience different languages and cultures... and I was still partially hung up on the Brazilian girl I used to date.

Look, you aren't going to know anyone in 4 weeks. If 90% of things are good and 10% of things are problematic, then focus on the whole; don't just hyper-focus on the things you don't like.

No one you EVER date will satisfy 100% of your requirements.

If someone's 90% of the way there, then work on bridging the gap. Someone who "gets you" and who you can be yourself with... that's rare. I was never myself around my fucking hot Brazilian model girlfriend, and honestly, she was never a match for me. Don't overvalue physical attractiveness to the point of undervaluing being your true, authentic self with someone.

Why don't you see a future with her? Be specific. And, by the way, "it's 4 weeks in, so how can I think about the future?" is perfectly rational.

I think the easiest way to put it is, may be I wasn't that attracted to her from the get go but let it slide because we were having a wonderful conversation, had good chemistry, we were sexually aggressive from the begining and it just felt like the best chance I was ever gonna get to be with someone. So I just made a compromise per say and told myself, well you gotta start somewhere.

It was a cowardly and self serving thing to do and but I swear my intentions weren't bad. Like you mentioned, I was hoping that once we see each other in person and start going out more, the attraction will become stronger too. I agree with what you and other posters said, that there is no perfect girl and attraction is just part of the question. I absolutely believed that and that was why I pursed her and was thinking of giving this more time.

But the situation is way more dire now. It's not that only that I am not attracted to her, I don't even feel like seeing her much or talking to her : / I feel a bit repulsed by her and she has done nothing to deserve this behavior. I actually feel ashamed of myself. She keeps asking/making plans about meeting but it ends up not happening because of my laziness.

Honestly, being with her was good for because she inadvertently made me feel really good about myself and gave confidence. I was high on that confidence and really nailed a job interview few weeks ago and got a the job. Similarly, I know keeping this running for a while will keep helping me. Both with confidence and social skills. However I feel like she doesn't deserve to be used like this. I am not attracted to her and doubt it will ever come back. Keeping this stringing along for no reason is waste of time but also, a really pathetic thing to do to her.

I am thinking about breaking it off but I not sure yet how. I know I wanna come up with an excuse that implicates me completely and not her. Nothing she could have done would have stopped this from happening, it's all on me. I should do it in person but I don't know if I have the guts.

 

[slaifer]

Hey guys,

I'm looking for suggestions. I've been out of the game for more than a year after my last relationship ( 5 years ) ended. Just spent most of the time working on myself. I've moved on, but since then, I haven't looked for another relationship. I just didn't feel the need or didn't really meet anyone interesting enough for me. I'm not really into casual stuff though.

Now, this is ridiculous but I don't know how to approach this girl, I'm a bit rusty. The only time I see her it's in the morning during the commute to work. How would you approach her without looking creepy? Note: we also live in the same building ( there's hundreds of people in this building ).

 

[ZackieChan]

Did you read the OP?

 

[Ozorov]

What gif is it exactly?

search for hey dog, its puppy with "wings", blinking with one eye and "hey girl"-text

 

[always crazy bacon]

Hey guys,

I'm looking for suggestions. I've been out of the game for more than a year after my last relationship ( 5 years ) ended. Just spent most of the time working on myself. I've moved on, but since then, I haven't looked for another relationship. I just didn't feel the need or didn't really meet anyone interesting enough for me. I'm not really into casual stuff though.

Now, this is ridiculous but I don't know how to approach this girl, I'm a bit rusty. The only time I see her it's in the morning during the commute to work. How would you approach her without looking creepy? Note: we also live in the same building ( there's hundreds of people in this building ).

How old are you? Have you ever spoken to this woman? Could be weird to her if you've passed her many times, never said anything and then just ask her out. Not so sure dating neighbors is a good idea for similar reasons as dating coworkers. Her home is a safespace.

 

[Astral]

So I had a very interesting night yesterday. I went on a mostly completely unplanned date. I've been talking to this cute Asian girl for like a day and we kinda danced around the idea of meeting up later that night after I was out of school and she was off work. I get out of school a little late, at 9 (I told her I'd be out at 8). I text her if she still wants to meet up and she's like "yeah you're late." I was surprised. We kinda planned to meet at a mall and she was already there assuming I'd at least be close lol. I told her it would take me 45 minutes to get there and she said "ok but if you're not here in an hour I'm leaving." She sounded upset so I got there as fast as I could.

We meet up and she's cute as usual with kind of a scowl on her face lol. I wasn't even ready for a date. I still had my book bag in my car. We walked around the now closed mall for like a minute and she suggested this other place that was kind of like a mall but a lot nicer and with more open restaurants. We walk around there a bit and eat and drink a bit. Then she gets he urge to dance so we go to some place with a bunch of shops and restaurants and a couple of night clubs. We dance a bit and I tried to teach her how to dance bachata privately in some quiet hallway. I don't know how to dance bachata.

Anyway, we went back to the car and I asked her what else she wanted to do, she askedme, and my tipsy ass just blurted out that I wanted to make out. She laughed and asked me if I knew how and it happened. Among other stuff in the car though. No sex though but it was still more than I throught would happen.

That was a long story but it was just such a bizarre experience for me. It was so spontaneous. It was fucking fun. Not sure I'll be seeing her again. I just get the feeling she's gonna ghost me. We got back like almost at 4 am and she had work in the morning so I felt pretty bad about that and texted her this morning to see if she got up ok. Even if she did ghost me, I at least had a fun date and she did too. It feels nice knowing I can actually be fun to date. Sometimes I feel pretty boring.

 

[slaifer]

How old are you? Have you ever spoken to this woman? Could be weird to her if you've passed her many times, never said anything and then just ask her out. Not so sure dating neighbors is a good idea for similar reasons as dating coworkers. Her home is a safespace.

24. I'm not looking to ask her out straight away. I don't even know her name. I often see her on the way to work or meet her sometimes in the elevator in the morning. I actually find it even more weird having not said anything yet since I see her almost every morning.

 

[Insane Metal]

So... can I expect sex if a girl invites me to see 50 Shades Darker with her as a first date? lol

I cancelled.

Girl CLEARLY hasn't let go from her ex. She's talking about him and how their relationship ended because of religion and family issues, not because she didn't want to be with him anymore, so I said it was better to not do something like that and we should just keep talking to each other. If at some moment she feels she's moved on we see what happens. For now I think this is the best thing to do.

 

[brawly]

24. I'm not looking to ask her out straight away. I don't even know her name. I often see her on the way to work or meet her sometimes in the elevator in the morning. I actually find it even more weird having not said anything yet since I see her almost every morning.

Step/day 1: "Hi, how are you?"

Step/day 2: "You again! My name's X by the way."

Step/day 3: "Wanna go out some time?"

 

[artsi]

I've been talking with this woman who is 9 years older than me on a dating site, she's over 2 hour drive away but I dunno, why not?
She seems like a person that I might really click with, she initiated the conversation and writes loooong messages, so she's definitely interested.

I'm also kind of attracted to older women ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

 

[ZackieChan]

2 hours? Seems like a gigantic pain in the ass. Then again, I met a new girl on local dating site who lives a short flight away. Might fly up there for the weekend and see what's what. Super cute, lives and works on a farm. It's like going back to my rural roots.

 

[artsi]

2 hours? Seems like a gigantic pain in the ass. Then again, I met a new girl on local dating site who lives a short flight away. Might fly up there for the weekend and see what's what. Super cute, lives and works on a farm. It's like going back to my rural roots.

She's got a farm (at least farmhouse and animals) too, lol.
The distance is unfortunate but if I stay a whole weekend it doesn't sound too bad. Two hour drive, two days of fun.

 

[Jhoan]

I think the easiest way to put it is, may be I wasn't that attracted to her from the get go but let it slide because we were having a wonderful conversation, had good chemistry, we were sexually aggressive from the begining and it just felt like the best chance I was ever gonna get to be with someone. So I just made a compromise per say and told myself, well you gotta start somewhere.

It was a cowardly and self serving thing to do and but I swear my intentions weren't bad. Like you mentioned, I was hoping that once we see each other in person and start going out more, the attraction will become stronger too. I agree with what you and other posters said, that there is no perfect girl and attraction is just part of the question. I absolutely believed that and that was why I pursed her and was thinking of giving this more time.

But the situation is way more dire now. It's not that only that I am not attracted to her, I don't even feel like seeing her much or talking to her : / I feel a bit repulsed by her and she has done nothing to deserve this behavior. I actually feel ashamed of myself. She keeps asking/making plans about meeting but it ends up not happening because of my laziness.

Honestly, being with her was good for because she inadvertently made me feel really good about myself and gave confidence. I was high on that confidence and really nailed a job interview few weeks ago and got a the job. Similarly, I know keeping this running for a while will keep helping me. Both with confidence and social skills. However I feel like she doesn't deserve to be used like this. I am not attracted to her and doubt it will ever come back. Keeping this stringing along for no reason is waste of time but also, a really pathetic thing to do to her.

I am thinking about breaking it off but I not sure yet how. I know I wanna come up with an excuse that implicates me completely and not her. Nothing she could have done would have stopped this from happening, it's all on me. I should do it in person but I don't know if I have the guts.

However you do it (I would say do it in person or via a phone call but whatever is comfortable for you), set a day to it and rip the band aid off. You'll be doing her a solid in the long run knowing that you got it over with. The more you procrastinate on it, the worse it's gonna get. Rehearse a script if you must but get it done. Better yet, if you want the regulars to hold you accountable, next time you post in the thread, it will be your update and how you feel about it. Or else you can expect loads of people face palming themselves across the states and the globe.

So I had a very interesting night yesterday. I went on a mostly completely unplanned date. I've been talking to this cute Asian girl for like a day and we kinda danced around the idea of meeting up later that night after I was out of school and she was off work. I get out of school a little late, at 9 (I told her I'd be out at 8). I text her if she still wants to meet up and she's like "yeah you're late." I was surprised. We kinda planned to meet at a mall and she was already there assuming I'd at least be close lol. I told her it would take me 45 minutes to get there and she said "ok but if you're not here in an hour I'm leaving." She sounded upset so I got there as fast as I could.

We meet up and she's cute as usual with kind of a scowl on her face lol. I wasn't even ready for a date. I still had my book bag in my car. We walked around the now closed mall for like a minute and she suggested this other place that was kind of like a mall but a lot nicer and with more open restaurants. We walk around there a bit and eat and drink a bit. Then she gets he urge to dance so we go to some place with a bunch of shops and restaurants and a couple of night clubs. We dance a bit and I tried to teach her how to dance bachata privately in some quiet hallway. I don't know how to dance bachata.

Anyway, we went back to the car and I asked her what else she wanted to do, she askedme, and my tipsy ass just blurted out that I wanted to make out. She laughed and asked me if I knew how and it happened. Among other stuff in the car though. No sex though but it was still more than I throught would happen.

That was a long story but it was just such a bizarre experience for me. It was so spontaneous. It was fucking fun. Not sure I'll be seeing her again. I just get the feeling she's gonna ghost me. We got back like almost at 4 am and she had work in the morning so I felt pretty bad about that and texted her this morning to see if she got up ok. Even if she did ghost me, I at least had a fun date and she did too. It feels nice knowing I can actually be fun to date. Sometimes I feel pretty boring.

Dominican here with musician brothers who play Bachata. Bachata is the easiest thing to dance (save for advanced spins that are on the beat). Four steps to one side to the beat of the bongos, four steps to another side; rinse and repeat until the song ends. Repeat until you and your dance partner get tired. If you can nail down Medicina de Amor, then you can dance any song. How many steps did you take if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Ozorov]

I've been talking with this woman who is 9 years older than me on a dating site, she's over 2 hour drive away but I dunno, why not?
She seems like a person that I might really click with, she initiated the conversation and writes loooong messages, so she's definitely interested.

I'm also kind of attracted to older women ¯\_(&#12484_/¯

How old are you?

 

[Astral]

Dominican here with musician brothers who play Bachata. Bachata is the easiest thing to dance (save for advanced spins that are on the beat). Four steps to one side to the beat of the bongos, four steps to another side; rinse and repeat until the song ends. Repeat until you and your dance partner get tired. If you can nail down Medicina de Amor, then you can dance any song. How many steps did you take if you don't mind me asking?

Now that I think about it, we took four steps lol. I wasn't really thinking about it, it just seemed natural. Four forward, then back, sometimes to the side. I tried to work a spin here and there but it messed up the rhythm a bit. The music playing was also actually merengue but fuck it.

 

[Young Liar]

Been about 3 months since I ended a 7-year relationship. Going on my first date that I set up through OKCupid later. I've been lurking this thread for a couple of weeks now, trying my best to absorb all the good advice and also laughing at the insane stories.

Apart from this one tiny little thing

Spoiler

(my height)

, I feel good and excited about this and the other dates I've set up. I just hope all this confidence I have isn't misplaced!

 

[Jhoan]

Now that I think about it, we took four steps lol. I wasn't really thinking about it, it just seemed natural. Four forward, then back, sometimes to the side. I tried to work a spin here and there but it messed up the rhythm a bit. The music playing was also actually merengue but fuck it.

Lmao! Both of you were buzzed so in the moment, you could have been dancing the Macarena to reggae and it wouldn't have mattered. Hopefully it leads to something more.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Apart from this one tiny little thing

Spoiler

(my height)

, I feel good and excited about this and the other dates I've set up. I just hope all this confidence I have isn't misplaced!

Do you, be you.

If she's gonna be hung up on height nothing you can do about it.

Don't stress about things you can't change.

You got this!