Support NeoGAF

[SeanC]

Yeah one thing that he mentions in the book is how gift can also encompass "gift of self", i.e. being there for someone, like when you're invited somewhere you do come. It's not reflected in the online test at all but he seems to mean that if you like receiving gifts it's also important for you that your partner is there for you. I dunno really it's kind of a weird connection

That's odd. Especially put up against the other preferences about the person just being present which I would think would fall into the "self as gift" category. That's all I really ever need, it's comforting even if nobody says anything to each other. Maybe an occasional thumbs-up.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I don't believe in the friendzone. You dont have to be friends with anyone so if you are staying in a friendship yet longing for something romantic you aren't in the friendzone, you're just being pathetic really.

It's not that hard to walk away from a friendship you can't accept as purely playtonic. Who is going to call you out or demand more of you? The person that rejected you? Their opinion matters why?

 

[Mory Dunz]

I could see it in a group of friends.

Some guy or girl is too scared or whatever to tell someone how they feel, but the hangouts are regularly with 3-5 people/close friends.

Are you gonna drop 5 friends just to not be near the one you secretly like?

Unlikely.

Spoiler

The most likely scenario is continue to hangout with all of them and cry yourself to sleep.

 

[gaiages]

I wouldn't say so just from looking at what you got, I'd say it's more to do with how you interpret love and feel appreciated rather than how much of that you require on a day to day basis.

Yeah, I don't think the ranking should be taken too... seriously, lol.

I love it when someone goes out of their way to just like, clean the house or take out the trash without me asking because I'm busy and can't do it myself, but it's not like "IF MAI MAN DON'T CLEAN MAI HAWS ERRDAY HE DON'T LOVE ME", lol.

It's nice to see it, but it shouldn't really be taken in some kinda negative light.

 

[Mediking]

I could see it in a group of friends.

Some guy or girl is too scared or whatever to tell someone how they feel, but the hangouts are regularly with 3-5 people/close friends.

Are you gonna drop 5 friends just to not be near the one you secretly like?

Unlikely.

Spoiler

The most likely scenario is continue to hangout with all of them and cry yourself to sleep.

This is just one example of how the friendzone operates. That's why you gotta tell that person how you feel at just the right time before you and the person you like get comfortable with just being their friend.

 

[hateradio]

I'm interested to know what y'all score on this test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ Most of these seem completely bogus but this one seems really good (see what I mean below)

So . . .

Either you like someone to touch you, give you gifts, help you with stuff, tell you that you're great, or spend time with you.

8 Acts of Service
8 Quality Time
7 Physical Touch
5 Words of Affirmation
2 Receiving Gifts

 

[gaiages]

This is just one example of how the friendzone operates. That's why you gotta tell that person how you feel at just the right time before you and the person you like get comfortable with just being their friend.

Oh god

So . . .

Either you like someone to touch you, give you gifts, help you with stuff, tell you that you're great, or spend time with you.

8 Acts of Service
8 Quality Time
7 Physical Touch
5 Words of Affirmation
2 Receiving Gifts

We're like Love Language soulmates ;3~

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Oh god

Six OTs in, and people don't learn a thing. Great OP, though.

 

[Incendiary]

I'm interested to know what y'all score on this test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ Most of these seem completely bogus but this one seems really good (see what I mean below)

My score:

12 Words of Affirmation 
8 Quality Time 
7 Physical Touch 
2 Receiving Gifts 
1 Acts of Service

I got...

9 Quality Time
6 Physical Touch
5 Acts of Service
5 Receiving Gifts
5 Words of Affirmation


Sounds about right. I know I appreciate quality time, but damn if I'm not a gift-giver in practice in terms of showing how I feel. I love giving gifts to people.

 

[Llyranor]

That's why you gotta tell that person how you feel at just the right time before you and the person you like get comfortable with just being their friend.

I mean, this is technically correct. I would just add a caveat that the 'right time' always means ASAP/now. Except, instead of how you feel, you should ask them out on a date.

 

[Salamando]

This is just one example of how the friendzone operates. That's why you gotta tell that person how you feel at just the right time before you and the person you like get comfortable with just being their friend.

It isn't even about comfort. It's about striking before your feelings are so oversaturated that your only options are "hopeless infatuation" and "abandon group while I deal with rejection".

 

[Mediking]

I mean, this is technically correct. I would just add a caveat that the 'right time' always means ASAP/now. Except, instead of how you feel, you should ask them out on a date.

It isn't even about comfort. It's about striking before your feelings are so oversaturated that your only options are "hopeless infatuation" and "abandon group while I deal with rejection".

Damn. Totally agreed. Complete truth from you two.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Damn. Totally agreed. Complete truth from you two.

Correct.

It's only the first few pages, but I'd rather not have this topic devolve into oh my god how do I avoid the friendzone. People need to take ownership of their own feelings and their own actions and learn how accept the consequences. Yes, romantic interest complicates and usually ruins (pure) friendships. And the best way to gauge whether romantic interest is reciprocated is, quite simply, to ask someone out.

My goal, as I've told at least one of you, is to make people stop overthinking things.

 

[LionPride]

I've somehow managed to handle rejection by girls who I'm friends with well, still friends with all of em

 

[Llyranor]

I've somehow managed to handle rejection by girls who I'm friends with well, still friends with all of em

It's easy to get over it when you haven't spent 5 yrs fawning after them.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

I could see it in a group of friends.

Some guy or girl is too scared or whatever to tell someone how they feel, but the hangouts are regularly with 3-5 people/close friends.

Are you gonna drop 5 friends just to not be near the one you secretly like?

Unlikely.

Spoiler

The most likely scenario is continue to hangout with all of them and cry yourself to sleep.

Unless you actually know the person you are into isn't interested it doesn't even qualify though. That's basically "ask her out" or "Dating-Age OT1-OT5".

Once you know for sure you can act. But personally speaking, yeah I do think you avoid unnecessary contact with the person even if it means avoiding the group sometimes to do other things.

People that bitch about the friendzone are always dying inside by being around that person. What company is honestly worth suffering through that?

It's not like its the regulars who are saying "being this persons friend and seeing them with other guys/girls makes me feel awful". So I disagree with the idea. Expand yourself beyond your 4-5 friends. Challenge yourself to do new things and meet new people instead of being miserable to keep appearances.

 

[Mediking]

Correct.

It's only the first few pages, but I'd rather not have this topic devolve into oh my god how do I avoid the friendzone. People need to take ownership of their own feelings and their own actions and learn how accept the consequences. Yes, romantic interest complicates and usually ruins (pure) friendships. And the best way to gauge whether romantic interest is reciprocated is, quite simply, to ask someone out.

My goal, as I've told at least one of you, is to make people stop overthinking things.

I understand what you're saying and let me reassure you that this won't turn into a friendzone thread. HOWEVER... if I see a person saying they might have feelings for someone else but doesn't know what to do... I will tell that person to do something before they get friendzoned.

Not too long ago... I made the mistake of not expressing that I really liked a woman (whose a really good friend of mine) when I should've. I tried to make a move and guess what? I was shot down with laughter and giggles and "nice try" from her. Am I still her friend? Of course but I learned my lesson. She couldn't even take me seriously because the window of opportunity had long passed.

 

[LionPride]

It's easy to get over it when you haven't spent 5 yrs fawning after them.

lol, true true. Legit all I did was say "Hey wanna go on a date? No, okay that's cool." and continued like business as usual.

 

[Brandon F]

This is just one example of how the friendzone operates. That's why you gotta tell that person how you feel at just the right time before you and the person you like get comfortable with just being their friend.

The absolute truth. Being vague leads to rumination, concern, anxiety, and potentially obsession while completely leaving the door wide-open for a more pro-active individual to jump in and completely close off your chances.

It can be absolutely dreadful taking the risk to allow your feelings into the open when you feel its too soon, but its practically vital and ultimately the most healthy.

 

[Mediking]

The absolute truth. Being vague leads to rumination, concern, anxiety, and potentially obsession while completely leaving the door wide-open for a more pro-active individual to jump in and completely close off your chances.

It can be absolutely dreadful taking the risk to allow your feelings into the open when you feel its too soon, but its practically vital and ultimately the most healthy.

Even more truth. So much truth. Can't help but applaud you.

 

[Mobile Suit Gooch]

I'm interested to know what y'all score on this test: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/ Most of these seem completely bogus but this one seems really good (see what I mean below)

My score:

12 Words of Affirmation 
8 Quality Time 
7 Physical Touch 
2 Receiving Gifts 
1 Acts of Service

It's based on a book called Five Love Languages which in essence categorizes expression of love in five categories: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Physical Touch, Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service. Oftentimes you and your partner speak different love languages, which may lead to either side of the relationship or both feeling unloved or underappreciated. And while you may have a primary love language, it's also a fleeting scale. On the flipside, the author of the book it's based on says that often you try speaking your own love language to your partner, oblivious to what the other person actually wants, and then you get confused when your partner is upset.

I have to say this really resonates with me more than I thought it would. I truly think the issues I've been having with my GF stems from us speaking very different love languages, i.e. how we show affection for eachother. For example, I've been upset that she doesn't touch me non-sexually in public as much as I want, but also that she doesn't text me sweet things much (haven't brought the latter up though).

On the other hand, as I've thought of this, I've discovered a few things she does that I might not immediately see as acts of love. For example she has gone on football matches with me, even though she hates football. She has even watched a few of them with me on tv. She's gone to a concert for music she didn't particularly care for, etc. Furthermore when we had our talk a few weeks back, she expressed concerns that our time together was getting stale, that we too often just watched tv shows on the couch. Taking this into account, it's possible that her primary language is quality time, in the sense of doing fun things together rather than just hang out, even if it's an activity she doesn't particularly love doing. And while I appreciate these things, they are not as important to me as for example words of affirmation, which leads to a disconnect.

If the above is true, it would mean we have almost completely different languages. Obviously doesn't mean it's over though, we just have to recognize how we want to be shown love and how we express it ourselves. She's abroad right now so I don't want to bring this up right away, but as I said it all resonates very well with me. I'll have a talk when she gets back.

Here's mine:

10 Quality Time
6 Receiving Gifts
5 Physical Touch
5 Words of Affirmation
4 Acts of Service

 

[M52B28]

10 Quality Time
7 Words of Affirmation
6 Physical Touch
5 Acts of Service
2 Receiving Gifts

This is pretty accurate to how a feel. Spending good, quality time beats anything, for me.

It may sound cheesy, but the best gift you can give someone is your time.

Might be time to put down the drinks, man.

Here is something that took me awhile to learn: you don't need to get drunk to have fun. Especially if you have an idea on how bad you get when you are drunk.

I really don't think I'm that bad when drunk.

I understand that you can have fun not drinking, People tend to get the wrong message when I drink, but that may be a problem with me in general. A lot of people take things that I say differently when sober.

It makes talking to some girls like navigating a minefield, more so a minefield while getting shot at when drunk. It's not like I blurt out stuff, it's more like my delivery of jokes being very confusing and sometimes blunt.

 

[Lucian Cat]

I wonder if my ranking makes me come off as a bit needy. I don't really care about gifts, and I'd rather not have my partner feel obligated to doing things for me. I like spending time, and I love to talk and feel loved by someone (physically and emotionally).

I kinda feel the same but I got-

12 Quality Time
8 Physical Touch
6 Words of Affirmation
4 Acts of Service
0 Receiving Gifts

I sometimes feel I'm more needy than the guy I'm seeing. It definitely skews the balance and has caused some upset.

 

[gaiages]

10 Quality Time
7 Words of Affirmation
6 Physical Touch
5 Acts of Service
2 Receiving Gifts

This is pretty accurate to how a feel. Spending good, quality time beats anything, for me.

It may sound cheesy, but the best gift you can give someone is your time.




I really don't think I'm that bad when drunk.

I understand that you can have fun not drinking, People tend to get the wrong message when I drink, but that may be a problem with me in general. A lot of people take things that I say differently when sober.

It makes talking to some girls like navigating a minefield, more so a minefield while getting shot at when drunk. It's not like I blurt out stuff, it's more like my delivery of jokes being very confusing and sometimes blunt.

Well, that's the thing. If you can pull off the tone/nuance for sarcastic jokes off when sober, but can't when drunk, then people are gonna think you're being serious. Personal anecdotes on my end but I don't think I've seen anyone be a good sarcastic drunk, because they should either too blunt or too angry to actually be joking. I'm sarcastic when sober, but the couple times I got drunk I was an utter bitch. So now I only drink enough to get tipsy, if I drink at all.

Basically you can drink without getting drunk.

 

[Watevaman]

11 Acts of Service
9 Quality Time
7 Words of Affirmation
2 Receiving Gifts
1 Physical Touch

Makes sense now that I've taken it. While I don't enjoy working on stuff with my girlfriend (she is way too particular), I enjoy coming home to see the house a little bit cleaned up or maybe some stuff organized. I also just like hanging out and being around her more than doing anything or even being physical.

And of course, affirmation is great because it helps my depression and anxiety.

 

[Clay Davis]

ZachieChan wasn't wrong about Coffee Meet Bagel. It's been really good far, you get 21 free bagels a day and the like/reply rate is good too.

Chatting to two different women and it honestly feels a little weird to have concurrent conversations going on. I'm trying my best not to slip and say the wrong thing to the wrong person.

I'm also only picking those who have filled out their profiles, I feel the effort put in means the chance of a reply will be higher and they will be more willing to chat and maybe meet.

 

[Valkerionseven]

Sooooo date went well, kinda admitted over drinks I was interested in her. She was like "I don't think I'm good for you, I'm a bit too crazy" haha. But at the same time she said "well see"

Either way, shes staying the night here drinking and talking watching tv, taking a shower now as I type this... We talked earlier that just staying over does not mean anything will happen when you sleep at the opposite sex's house. So not expecting anything but I made it clear I'm interested. Gonna take a shower in a minute and hop in bed, if anything happens it happens, if not, gonna sleep well knowing I made some decent progress and she knows I'm willing to be morethan friends.

 

[SeanC]

ZachieChan wasn't wrong about Coffee Meet Bagel. It's been really good far, you get 21 free bagels a day and the like/reply rate is good too.

Been doing it as well for a few days, but I'm still waiting patiently. Haven't quite come across a bagel I'm into yet where I want to reach out and say howdy.

I'm sending a message to this girl today I was talking to last week on Match. She went silent, not sure why. Seemed we were chatting back and forth pretty well then nothing.

Last resort, just a "Hey, really enjoyed talking and wanted to see if you're still interested" kind of thing. If not, then not. We can move on. If she says yes, tho...going to ask her to coffee.

 

[hawkshockey11]

So a large amount of my tinder matches end up going to the same bars as me. Would it be better to not message and try talking if I see them out or try getting their attention in the app?

The last girl I dated I actually matched with on tinder but didn't message and approached her at the bar. Not sure if that was luck or otherwise.

 

[Damerman]

Sooooo date went well, kinda admitted over drinks I was interested in her. She was like "I don't think I'm good for you, I'm a bit too crazy" haha. But at the same time she said "well see"

Either way, shes staying the night here drinking and talking watching tv, taking a shower now as I type this... We talked earlier that just staying over does not mean anything will happen when you sleep at the opposite sex's house. So not expecting anything but I made it clear I'm interested. Gonna take a shower in a minute and hop in bed, if anything happens it happens, if not, gonna sleep well knowing I made some decent progress and she knows I'm willing to be morethan friends.

Im so confused about this. So she is over your place but doesn't want to do anything other than hang out? Thats cool if you are cool with it. But i would be super suspicious... Did she invite herself? Or did you invite her while hinting what you wanted to do with her? Or did you just simply invite her?

You have to make a move if you want something to happen, other wise this will be unbearably awkward if she is interested in you and you make no move.

 

[stn]

Sooooo date went well, kinda admitted over drinks I was interested in her. She was like "I don't think I'm good for you, I'm a bit too crazy" haha. But at the same time she said "well see"

Either way, shes staying the night here drinking and talking watching tv, taking a shower now as I type this... We talked earlier that just staying over does not mean anything will happen when you sleep at the opposite sex's house. So not expecting anything but I made it clear I'm interested. Gonna take a shower in a minute and hop in bed, if anything happens it happens, if not, gonna sleep well knowing I made some decent progress and she knows I'm willing to be morethan friends.

I hate to break it to you but I think this is already over. First, she told you she's not good for you. Nobody says that when they're into someone - not to mention "we'll see" is a polite way of saying no.

On the other hand, her staying at your house is just fucking weird. You're both being extremely passive and weird about this whole thing. Your problem is you're wasting time setting boundaries instead of making moves, and her problem is she doesn't have the courage to stop wasting her own time.

Play logic with me for a moment. You said you're interested, that means she is aware of that fact. Why is nothing happening then? Turn off all romantic influence and just think clearly with your mind.

I hope this works out for you but it all strikes me as one weird mess.

 

[SeanC]

Sooooo date went well, kinda admitted over drinks I was interested in her. She was like "I don't think I'm good for you, I'm a bit too crazy" haha. But at the same time she said "well see"

Either way, shes staying the night here drinking and talking watching tv, taking a shower now as I type this... We talked earlier that just staying over does not mean anything will happen when you sleep at the opposite sex's house. So not expecting anything but I made it clear I'm interested. Gonna take a shower in a minute and hop in bed, if anything happens it happens, if not, gonna sleep well knowing I made some decent progress and she knows I'm willing to be morethan friends.

As others have already noted, all that is kind of a weird scenario. She stayed over but nothing happened. Did you talk all night and it just ended up at your place? I can kind of get that and see it happening, but I would think by the morning intentions on both sides would be really clear.

 

[Mediking]

Sooooo date went well, kinda admitted over drinks I was interested in her. She was like "I don't think I'm good for you, I'm a bit too crazy" haha. But at the same time she said "well see"

Either way, shes staying the night here drinking and talking watching tv, taking a shower now as I type this... We talked earlier that just staying over does not mean anything will happen when you sleep at the opposite sex's house. So not expecting anything but I made it clear I'm interested. Gonna take a shower in a minute and hop in bed, if anything happens it happens, if not, gonna sleep well knowing I made some decent progress and she knows I'm willing to be morethan friends.

She casually and nervously rejected you. Good job on telling her how you feel though. Move on, my friend.

 

[ZackieChan]

Been doing it as well for a few days, but I'm still waiting patiently. Haven't quite come across a bagel I'm into yet where I want to reach out and say howdy.

I'm sending a message to this girl today I was talking to last week on Match. She went silent, not sure why. Seemed we were chatting back and forth pretty well then nothing.

Last resort, just a "Hey, really enjoyed talking and wanted to see if you're still interested" kind of thing. If not, then not. We can move on. If she says yes, tho...going to ask her to coffee.

If you send a message, it should be asking her to meet you for a date. Don't ask if she's still interested. Just ask her out and you'll get the answers you need.

 

[urge26]

So I'm curious as to if anyone has run into something like this. I had a date last Saturday that went really well, ended up making out and asked her if we should take things back to her place which she agreed. Ended up staying the night in her bed, had sex throughout the night and in the morning before I left. Went a couple days with just a couple of texts and last night we ended up texting a lot more. She then says to me, "Hey I don't think I've told you but I had fun on Saturday and thought it was really sweet how you rubbed my back". I responded back with "I had a great time as well, and it was my pleasure. Obviously I'd like to see you again if that's cool with you". She responded back with "It would be ok with me, I agree we should see each other again". I found that to be a bit odd, women usually have a response a bit more enthusiastic..... lmao, something like yeah I really want to see you again too. Needless to say things really couldn't have gone better but I'm over evaluating things now and wondering if she's really into me?

 

[Llyranor]

So I'm curious as to if anyone has run into something like this. I had a date last Saturday that went really well, ended up making out and asked her if we should take things back to her place which she agreed. Ended up staying the night in her bed, had sex throughout the night and in the morning before I left. Went a couple days with just a couple of texts and last night we ended up texting a lot more. She then says to me, "Hey I don't think I've told you but I had fun on Saturday and thought it was really sweet how you rubbed my back". I responded back with "I had a great time as well, and it was my pleasure. Obviously I'd like to see you again if that's cool with you". She responded back with "It would be ok with me, I agree we should see each other again". I found that to be a bit odd, women usually have a response a bit more enthusiastic..... lmao, something like yeah I really want to see you again too. Needless to say things really couldn't have gone better but I'm over evaluating things now and wondering if she's really into me?

Don't overthink the text (though, could something be lost in translation there?). If you arrange the next date and she's enthusiastic in-person, you're golden.

 

[GK86]

So I'm curious as to if anyone has run into something like this. I had a date last Saturday that went really well, ended up making out and asked her if we should take things back to her place which she agreed. Ended up staying the night in her bed, had sex throughout the night and in the morning before I left. Went a couple days with just a couple of texts and last night we ended up texting a lot more. She then says to me, "Hey I don't think I've told you but I had fun on Saturday and thought it was really sweet how you rubbed my back". I responded back with "I had a great time as well, and it was my pleasure. Obviously I'd like to see you again if that's cool with you". She responded back with "It would be ok with me, I agree we should see each other again". I found that to be a bit odd, women usually have a response a bit more enthusiastic..... lmao, something like yeah I really want to see you again too. Needless to say things really couldn't have gone better but I'm over evaluating things now and wondering if she's really into me?

You are just creating problems where there are no problems. Do you want women to throw you a parade? She said she is down, so arrange something.

 

[SeanC]

If you send a message, it should be asking her to meet you for a date. Don't ask if she's still interested. Just ask her out and you'll get the answers you need.

Too late, already sent. I did make it clear I really liked her in my message, though, and wanted to continue the convo. If she doesn't respond then she doesn't respond.

 

[urge26]

You are just creating problems where there are no problems. Do you want women to throw you a parade? She said she is down, so arrange something.

lmao... true.

 

[gaiages]

So I'm curious as to if anyone has run into something like this. I had a date last Saturday that went really well, ended up making out and asked her if we should take things back to her place which she agreed. Ended up staying the night in her bed, had sex throughout the night and in the morning before I left. Went a couple days with just a couple of texts and last night we ended up texting a lot more. She then says to me, "Hey I don't think I've told you but I had fun on Saturday and thought it was really sweet how you rubbed my back". I responded back with "I had a great time as well, and it was my pleasure. Obviously I'd like to see you again if that's cool with you". She responded back with "It would be ok with me, I agree we should see each other again". I found that to be a bit odd, women usually have a response a bit more enthusiastic..... lmao, something like yeah I really want to see you again too. Needless to say things really couldn't have gone better but I'm over evaluating things now and wondering if she's really into me?

Not really seeing what the problem with the text is...

 

[ZackieChan]

Not really seeing what the problem with the text is...

No backflips were done over his sexual performance. Unacceptable.

Too late, already sent. I did make it clear I really liked her in my message, though, and wanted to continue the convo. If she doesn't respond then she doesn't respond.

Good luck, dude. Start looking for other dates in the meantime. Don't get too invested in a girl before you've even met up, though. Play it cool!

 

[GutsOfThor]

Sooooo date went well, kinda admitted over drinks I was interested in her. She was like "I don't think I'm good for you, I'm a bit too crazy" haha. But at the same time she said "well see"

Either way, shes staying the night here drinking and talking watching tv, taking a shower now as I type this... We talked earlier that just staying over does not mean anything will happen when you sleep at the opposite sex's house. So not expecting anything but I made it clear I'm interested. Gonna take a shower in a minute and hop in bed, if anything happens it happens, if not, gonna sleep well knowing I made some decent progress and she knows I'm willing to be morethan friends.

Welcome to the friend zone.....

Forget about her and move on.

 

[Damerman]

So I'm curious as to if anyone has run into something like this. I had a date last Saturday that went really well, ended up making out and asked her if we should take things back to her place which she agreed. Ended up staying the night in her bed, had sex throughout the night and in the morning before I left. Went a couple days with just a couple of texts and last night we ended up texting a lot more. She then says to me, "Hey I don't think I've told you but I had fun on Saturday and thought it was really sweet how you rubbed my back". I responded back with "I had a great time as well, and it was my pleasure. Obviously I'd like to see you again if that's cool with you". She responded back with "It would be ok with me, I agree we should see each other again". I found that to be a bit odd, women usually have a response a bit more enthusiastic..... lmao, something like yeah I really want to see you again too. Needless to say things really couldn't have gone better but I'm over evaluating things now and wondering if she's really into me?

Shes trying to play it cool. She thanked you for rubbing her back, so you are good.

 

[PlayALLtheGames]

So I'm curious as to if anyone has run into something like this. I had a date last Saturday that went really well, ended up making out and asked her if we should take things back to her place which she agreed. Ended up staying the night in her bed, had sex throughout the night and in the morning before I left. Went a couple days with just a couple of texts and last night we ended up texting a lot more. She then says to me, "Hey I don't think I've told you but I had fun on Saturday and thought it was really sweet how you rubbed my back". I responded back with "I had a great time as well, and it was my pleasure. Obviously I'd like to see you again if that's cool with you". She responded back with "It would be ok with me, I agree we should see each other again". I found that to be a bit odd, women usually have a response a bit more enthusiastic..... lmao, something like yeah I really want to see you again too. Needless to say things really couldn't have gone better but I'm over evaluating things now and wondering if she's really into me?

Yeah I don't know man; sounds like she's not into you; should probably stop contacting her forever IMO.

 

[gwailo]

As others have already noted, all that is kind of a weird scenario. She stayed over but nothing happened. Did you talk all night and it just ended up at your place? I can kind of get that and see it happening, but I would think by the morning intentions on both sides would be really clear.

I think it is/was still night there and she is taking a shower, which again, is just really odd. Like "I don't know you all that well and really have no intention of dating you, but can I use your shower?" TBH I'd tell her to kick rocks, it just seems really sketchy to me. I mean, I guess maybe if you've both had too much to drink and she doesn't have a way to get home, it would be ok, but I'd just rather pay for an Uber or something than have a relative stranger who admits she's crazy sleeping in my home/bed. Was she drinking all your booze already OP? Kinda sounds like she used you for free dinner/drinks and a place to shower/crash.

 

[urge26]

No backflips were done over his sexual performance. Unacceptable.

Thanks for the sarcasm, like I said I tend to over evaluate and overthink things. I'm looking for a relationship and not a fuck buddy, and sex on a first date usually results in weirdness moving forward.

 

[ZackieChan]

Thanks for the sarcasm, like I said I tend to over evaluate and overthink things. I'm looking for a relationship and not a fuck buddy, and sex on a first date usually results in weirdness moving forward.

We'll either beat or shame that overthinking out of you one way or another!

 

[urge26]

We'll either beat or shame that overthinking out of you one way or another!

lol, I probably need it.

 

[SeanC]

No backflips were done over his sexual performance. Unacceptable.


Good luck, dude. Start looking for other dates in the meantime. Don't get too invested in a girl before you've even met up, though. Play it cool!

Trying ^_^

Haven't dated in a while after some failed shit a few years ago. Hung out and stuff but never actively pursued romantically so I know I'm rusty. Just got tired of friends and friends' girlfriends saying "I don't understand why you're still single." Plus being the one guy without a girlfriend amongst all my friends that are couples kind of wears on you.

I'm pretty easy going, so if someone doesn't like me they don't like me. I get invested quickly but I also can move on pretty quickly if somebody just ain't feeling it.

 

[ZackieChan]

Two things:

1) avoid that overinvestment at all costs. Talking to multiple girls helps this.

2) move for an in-person meetup asap. Like, within a dozen messages. Great texting means nothing until you meet irl.