I wanted to take the Transsiberian train to get back to Europe and also to see parts of Russia I haven't seen yet. The prices are extremely high though.
Which church do you/does your family belong to?
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FakeGAF 6: Fear the Walking Thirst
- Thread starter WhereAreMahDragonz
- Start date
- Status
I wanted to take the Transsiberian train to get back to Europe and also to see parts of Russia I haven't seen yet. The prices are extremely high though.
Which church do you/does your family belong to?
Little Monser
Banned
My mum is Catholic and my dad is Greek Orthodox so two Easters for me haha
I'm Greek Orthodox btw
liliththepale
Banned
I hate when I cant fall asleep because there are too many thoughts and voices running through my head ive been lying here for half an hour cant fall asleep
I was debating my boy about the merits of having a dog so he says blue they can warn you of danger and intruders and stuff so I;m like Justin has your dog ever alerted you to an intruder and course he says no and actually the dog gets upset over nothing all the time. So I'm like it sounds like your pet is the dog that cried woof
get it? cried woof? I was so proud of myself
I was debating my boy about the merits of having a dog so he says blue they can warn you of danger and intruders and stuff so I;m like Justin has your dog ever alerted you to an intruder and course he says no and actually the dog gets upset over nothing all the time. So I'm like it sounds like your pet is the dog that cried woof
get it? cried woof? I was so proud of myself
Why must you use your quick wit for evil?
Nomadic Sparks
Banned
Halcyon AV is so SWOLE
IS HE SUPERMAN IN DISGUISE?
E: Lilith's AV almost looks like she's insanely homicidal and yet happy about it.
SCARY!
IS HE SUPERMAN IN DISGUISE?
E: Lilith's AV almost looks like she's insanely homicidal and yet happy about it.
SCARY!
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
Welcome back, friends. I have some ramen and I feel much better about life. For now. I still have to review the rest of this shit.
When we left Christian and Ana, Momma Grey had just prevented my homegirl from getting eaten out. Yikes. Anyway, Ana gets weirdly emotional, because she hasnt decided on whether or not she wants to be Christians sub, and they talk about pleasure vs. pain for a bit .whatever. The point is Anas like Im not down to be your sex slave. I go YAAAAAAAAS, GIRL POWER for a min, but then I remember that of fucking course, this movie wouldnt exist unless she eventually gives in .so my dreams are quickly dashed.
Christian goes to take her home and he has no less than a million cars. Im shocked. As are the rest of you, Im sure.
He pulls over in the middle of a creepy secluded forest and hes like lets go for a walk. Which totally isnt something a serial killer .would do ..
He talks about his past, how an older woman basically committed statutory rape and made him her submissive when he was 15. What what the fuck? People honestly found this hot and not disgustingly abusive? I hate humanity. Hes still friends with his abuser apparently. I want to vomit. He tries to convince Ana that she should let him whip her its great I promise. Anyway its all very manipulative and weird and Im gonna move on.
They get to her apartment and he gives her an envelope with the details of the contract. I really hope you say yes dude, we fucking know. Youve only been talking about it for like 20 minutes. Jesus Christ.
Anywho, Christian has bought her a computer! Aww, how sweet. Her roommates like whats that weird envelope? and Anas like just notes not sex stuff bye and rushes off to her roomto masturbate to read the contract.
but not really, and instead she sits down at her new computer and chats with Christian for a bit. He wants her to use it for research and shes like ohhhh youre gonna order me around???? Naaaaaaaah Christian replies:
Her face right here was too good to pass up. Sorry.
She reads the contract. Its still pretty boring. Im not gonna get into it that much, because I dont care. But the highlights are: she cant have sex with anyone else, shes gotta be on the pill, the dom can do whatever he wants to her, shes gotta be on a diet, cant get drunk or smoke .its all really controlling. Have I mentioned that I fucking hate this movie? I think I have. But just so were clear, Ill say it again.
Theres some back and forth sexting or whatever and then, because hes aserial killer gentleman, Christian shows up in her bedroom with some wine. How dreamy. He ties her to the bed with his tie and blindfolds her, Beyonce plays in the background, he does some shit with an ice cube.
Ana sets up a business meeting (no joke) with Christian to discuss the contract. Theyre talking about limits and shit, and she goes in this paragraph find anal fisting get rid of that shit. Obviously hes disappointed, but I honestly cannot stop laughing.
And then shes like no vag fisting either and I die some more.
But I wanted to be a puppetmaster
She also says no to genital clamps. What a prude, am I right? And then she asks him what butt plugs are honestly the whole scene is actually hilarious. He adds going on a date once a week and then goes Id like to fuck you into the middle of next week. Weve already established that hes creepy so Im just gonna leave that and get on with this shit show.
Anyway the business meeting soon turns into them talking about what theyd do to each other. Thats not usually how business meetings go from what I heard, but Im not an actual businesswoman, so what the fuck do I know? Ana leaves and Christian has a huge boner.
Anas graduating college!!! Guess who the guest speaker is? You bet your bottom dollar its Christian. He gets all personal and touchy feely. She gets her diploma and goes to shake Christians hand. She agrees to be his sub right then and there? Thats not exactly how my graduation went down .but okay.
Christian meets Anas dad, they take a picture, they go back to her apartment and he gets creepy again. And then he buys her a car for her graduation. What the fuck, I want a car.
Ana gives him lip and rolls her eyes, and hes like what did you just do, young lady?? and then he throws her across his knee and spanks her. Like shes five.
She cries to her mom a bit, goes to Christians house, and finds out shes on the cover of the local newspaper, looking like an idiot, as usual.
Honestly this shit writes itself.
They go to the playroom, he braids her hair, theres some handcuffs involved and a riding crop whatever. Christian sniffs her panties. Beyonce plays in the background again. Honestly Ive read hotter fanfiction than this.
You know there hasnt been any actual conflict in this movie. But guess what? Now there is! Because Anas totally lowkey falling in love with Christian. Omg, DRAMA!!! They dance and shit and go to meet Christians sister and his parents? Anas roommate is there with Christians brother. Christian gets mad because uh oh, Anas going on a trip to Georgia! They fight about it and he gets all I DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!! Hes got a gloomy past apparently because who doesnt?
He goes to Ana while shes asleep, so theres really no point to it, and tells her about his shitty childhood. Mom was a drug addict who died, and he was adopted. I know Im supposed to care but I just cant. Maybe its the alcohol, maybe its the fact that I hate this movie. Maybe its a combination of both. It doesnt matter either way.
Ana goes to visit her mom, they sit around and eat soup. How exciting. You know, now that I think about it, nothing of note really happens in the second half other than that theres some kinky shit and Ana mopes around and bites her lip a lot. She wants romance and Christian is too emo for that. Also, she has a flip phone? What year is it? Girl, your boyfriend is a bajillionaire. He bought you a car .get an upgrade.
Ana and her mom are having happy hour when guess who crashes the party? I give up. Do you guys really need me to figure the rest of this shit out? Also, how the fuck does he know exactly where they are? Oh. Right. I forgot. Serial killer.
Hi there. Im going to brutally fucer, I mean, murd--, no wait, thats not right either. Im just Im gonna take your daughter out on a nice date. Yeah. Totally not suspicious.
Christian gives a weirdly specific drink order and Anas like what the fuck are you doing here get away from my mom. Mom leaves they talk about how Christian had dinner with his child abuser. They go on another plane ride. Ana, arent you here to visit your mom? Oh wait. Youre a fucking idiot. I almost forgot.
Im so fucking excited to tell you guys that theres only 15 minutes left in this movie. Im almost free.
Christian goes back to Seattle because some emergency happened. Ana returns soon after (on a private jet, duh), and meets up with a disgruntled Christian. They talk and shit Im really tired of this. Theres rope scene with a blindfold and like a choir playing in the background, like this is some baby lamb sacrifice.
Theres also a peacock feather. Theres no explanation for it. But then again, is there an explanation for any of this? Other than that God is cruel and allows us to suffer?
Somewhere, a lone peacock, short one feather, is crying out in anguish. Not for his loss, but because he has involuntarily become a part of this movie.
Ana gets flogged / whipped a bit, oral happens, and then cut to Christian playing the piano. What a boner killer, man. They talk about Christians childhood, because apparently Ana heard his story whatever. They fight, Ana goes why do you wanna do anything to me at all?!?! and I have to pause the movie for a minute and just reflect because she basically summed up my entire thoughts about this movie in one fucking sentence.
Ten minutes.
Christian says something about being 50 shades of fucked up and I bang my head into the desk. Ana wants Christian to show her the absolute worst punishment so she can understand" and Im like .cant you just just talk this out like adults?
Christian then whips her with a belt six times and she cries. More choir music plays. Ana gets mad because she realizes Christians fucked up. I mean it only took you the WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE, but better late than never, right? She leaves in a huff.
Five minutes.
Remember what I said about Ana eventually signing the contract? Well, I lied. Sorry. She never does. So basically the whole movie had no point to it other than bondage and whipping and a random peacock feather. Shes in her room crying, and Christian comes to her. She admits shes fallen in love him. Hes really confused and Im basically like Im confused too, the fuck? She asks him to leave and he does. Somewhere, thousands of middle-aged moms are weeping.
Ana leaves, they stare at each other as the elevator door closes and thats the end. Seriously. The ending to this fucking movie is that they fight, break up, and Ana leaves. The whole fucking thing is pointless. So basically I just endured this shit; two hours and five minutes of this shit, to be exact, for a fucking sequel bait ending.
WASNT ONE ENOUGH? WHY, GOD?
I'm sorry if this was boring, but I had to work with what was provided. The second half is a snooze fest. Well, the whole thing sucks, but the second half was especially unbearable to get through. Not because of the sex, but because more than half of it is Christian walking around with a pouty face on. Nothing really important happens...Seriously.
Until the sequel, folks.
When we left Christian and Ana, Momma Grey had just prevented my homegirl from getting eaten out. Yikes. Anyway, Ana gets weirdly emotional, because she hasnt decided on whether or not she wants to be Christians sub, and they talk about pleasure vs. pain for a bit .whatever. The point is Anas like Im not down to be your sex slave. I go YAAAAAAAAS, GIRL POWER for a min, but then I remember that of fucking course, this movie wouldnt exist unless she eventually gives in .so my dreams are quickly dashed.
Christian goes to take her home and he has no less than a million cars. Im shocked. As are the rest of you, Im sure.
He pulls over in the middle of a creepy secluded forest and hes like lets go for a walk. Which totally isnt something a serial killer .would do ..
He talks about his past, how an older woman basically committed statutory rape and made him her submissive when he was 15. What what the fuck? People honestly found this hot and not disgustingly abusive? I hate humanity. Hes still friends with his abuser apparently. I want to vomit. He tries to convince Ana that she should let him whip her its great I promise. Anyway its all very manipulative and weird and Im gonna move on.
They get to her apartment and he gives her an envelope with the details of the contract. I really hope you say yes dude, we fucking know. Youve only been talking about it for like 20 minutes. Jesus Christ.
Anywho, Christian has bought her a computer! Aww, how sweet. Her roommates like whats that weird envelope? and Anas like just notes not sex stuff bye and rushes off to her room
but not really, and instead she sits down at her new computer and chats with Christian for a bit. He wants her to use it for research and shes like ohhhh youre gonna order me around???? Naaaaaaaah Christian replies:
Her face right here was too good to pass up. Sorry.
She reads the contract. Its still pretty boring. Im not gonna get into it that much, because I dont care. But the highlights are: she cant have sex with anyone else, shes gotta be on the pill, the dom can do whatever he wants to her, shes gotta be on a diet, cant get drunk or smoke .its all really controlling. Have I mentioned that I fucking hate this movie? I think I have. But just so were clear, Ill say it again.
Theres some back and forth sexting or whatever and then, because hes a
Ana sets up a business meeting (no joke) with Christian to discuss the contract. Theyre talking about limits and shit, and she goes in this paragraph find anal fisting get rid of that shit. Obviously hes disappointed, but I honestly cannot stop laughing.
And then shes like no vag fisting either and I die some more.
But I wanted to be a puppetmaster
She also says no to genital clamps. What a prude, am I right? And then she asks him what butt plugs are honestly the whole scene is actually hilarious. He adds going on a date once a week and then goes Id like to fuck you into the middle of next week. Weve already established that hes creepy so Im just gonna leave that and get on with this shit show.
Anyway the business meeting soon turns into them talking about what theyd do to each other. Thats not usually how business meetings go from what I heard, but Im not an actual businesswoman, so what the fuck do I know? Ana leaves and Christian has a huge boner.
Anas graduating college!!! Guess who the guest speaker is? You bet your bottom dollar its Christian. He gets all personal and touchy feely. She gets her diploma and goes to shake Christians hand. She agrees to be his sub right then and there? Thats not exactly how my graduation went down .but okay.
Christian meets Anas dad, they take a picture, they go back to her apartment and he gets creepy again. And then he buys her a car for her graduation. What the fuck, I want a car.
Ana gives him lip and rolls her eyes, and hes like what did you just do, young lady?? and then he throws her across his knee and spanks her. Like shes five.
She cries to her mom a bit, goes to Christians house, and finds out shes on the cover of the local newspaper, looking like an idiot, as usual.
Honestly this shit writes itself.
They go to the playroom, he braids her hair, theres some handcuffs involved and a riding crop whatever. Christian sniffs her panties. Beyonce plays in the background again. Honestly Ive read hotter fanfiction than this.
You know there hasnt been any actual conflict in this movie. But guess what? Now there is! Because Anas totally lowkey falling in love with Christian. Omg, DRAMA!!! They dance and shit and go to meet Christians sister and his parents? Anas roommate is there with Christians brother. Christian gets mad because uh oh, Anas going on a trip to Georgia! They fight about it and he gets all I DONT KNOW WHAT LOVE IS!! Hes got a gloomy past apparently because who doesnt?
He goes to Ana while shes asleep, so theres really no point to it, and tells her about his shitty childhood. Mom was a drug addict who died, and he was adopted. I know Im supposed to care but I just cant. Maybe its the alcohol, maybe its the fact that I hate this movie. Maybe its a combination of both. It doesnt matter either way.
Ana goes to visit her mom, they sit around and eat soup. How exciting. You know, now that I think about it, nothing of note really happens in the second half other than that theres some kinky shit and Ana mopes around and bites her lip a lot. She wants romance and Christian is too emo for that. Also, she has a flip phone? What year is it? Girl, your boyfriend is a bajillionaire. He bought you a car .get an upgrade.
Ana and her mom are having happy hour when guess who crashes the party? I give up. Do you guys really need me to figure the rest of this shit out? Also, how the fuck does he know exactly where they are? Oh. Right. I forgot. Serial killer.
Hi there. Im going to brutally fucer, I mean, murd--, no wait, thats not right either. Im just Im gonna take your daughter out on a nice date. Yeah. Totally not suspicious.
Christian gives a weirdly specific drink order and Anas like what the fuck are you doing here get away from my mom. Mom leaves they talk about how Christian had dinner with his child abuser. They go on another plane ride. Ana, arent you here to visit your mom? Oh wait. Youre a fucking idiot. I almost forgot.
Im so fucking excited to tell you guys that theres only 15 minutes left in this movie. Im almost free.
Christian goes back to Seattle because some emergency happened. Ana returns soon after (on a private jet, duh), and meets up with a disgruntled Christian. They talk and shit Im really tired of this. Theres rope scene with a blindfold and like a choir playing in the background, like this is some baby lamb sacrifice.
Theres also a peacock feather. Theres no explanation for it. But then again, is there an explanation for any of this? Other than that God is cruel and allows us to suffer?
Somewhere, a lone peacock, short one feather, is crying out in anguish. Not for his loss, but because he has involuntarily become a part of this movie.
Ana gets flogged / whipped a bit, oral happens, and then cut to Christian playing the piano. What a boner killer, man. They talk about Christians childhood, because apparently Ana heard his story whatever. They fight, Ana goes why do you wanna do anything to me at all?!?! and I have to pause the movie for a minute and just reflect because she basically summed up my entire thoughts about this movie in one fucking sentence.
Ten minutes.
Christian says something about being 50 shades of fucked up and I bang my head into the desk. Ana wants Christian to show her the absolute worst punishment so she can understand" and Im like .cant you just just talk this out like adults?
Christian then whips her with a belt six times and she cries. More choir music plays. Ana gets mad because she realizes Christians fucked up. I mean it only took you the WHOLE FUCKING MOVIE, but better late than never, right? She leaves in a huff.
Five minutes.
Remember what I said about Ana eventually signing the contract? Well, I lied. Sorry. She never does. So basically the whole movie had no point to it other than bondage and whipping and a random peacock feather. Shes in her room crying, and Christian comes to her. She admits shes fallen in love him. Hes really confused and Im basically like Im confused too, the fuck? She asks him to leave and he does. Somewhere, thousands of middle-aged moms are weeping.
Ana leaves, they stare at each other as the elevator door closes and thats the end. Seriously. The ending to this fucking movie is that they fight, break up, and Ana leaves. The whole fucking thing is pointless. So basically I just endured this shit; two hours and five minutes of this shit, to be exact, for a fucking sequel bait ending.
WASNT ONE ENOUGH? WHY, GOD?
I'm sorry if this was boring, but I had to work with what was provided. The second half is a snooze fest. Well, the whole thing sucks, but the second half was especially unbearable to get through. Not because of the sex, but because more than half of it is Christian walking around with a pouty face on. Nothing really important happens...Seriously.
Until the sequel, folks.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Review 10/10
Movie 0/10
Movie 0/10
Prophet Steve
Member
Would subscribe for newsletter.
Nomadic Sparks
Banned
Has Celleach or Prophet Steve been invited to the FakeGAF Steam group?
Also, has anyone thought of doing a FakeGAF CS:GO Server?
Also, has anyone thought of doing a FakeGAF CS:GO Server?
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
You are a trooper, Em. I made a short review of the film back in the day, but my browser crashed and I couldn't be arsed to write it down again. All I'll say is that I watched 50 shades with my girlfriend and we laughed like hyenas for the whole duration of the film, but so did most of the theatre.
Sure, there were a bunch of youngish teenagers looking all hot and bothered, but people over 25 or so were having the most violent fits of laughter I've ever seen at the cinema. There was this slighly older couple behind us that could barely contain themselves. It was that great.
Of course, right after watching it we went to my apartment and proceeded to put the film to shame.
I'm not going to lie: 50 Shades of Grey was my favourite commedy of 2015. Although it should be noted that watching it with somebody you are actually rubbing nasties with probably elevates it a few notches. Everything about the personal and sexual aspects of Ana and Christian's relationship is some fuck shit, as if the writer was some impressibly repressed middle-aged suburbanette fantasizing about how this seduction, S/M and sex thing is done once you remove the holed-out sheets she's been using for her whole life.
The thought of my beloved Hugh Dancy being in it tortures my soul every time I think about it.
I can't wait till the production fuckery starts leaking, though. The first movie was a total mess and E L James has a reputation for being a despotic, controlling asshole with even less talent at film producing than she has at book writting, which is to say something.
Sure, there were a bunch of youngish teenagers looking all hot and bothered, but people over 25 or so were having the most violent fits of laughter I've ever seen at the cinema. There was this slighly older couple behind us that could barely contain themselves. It was that great.
Of course, right after watching it we went to my apartment and proceeded to put the film to shame.
I'm not going to lie: 50 Shades of Grey was my favourite commedy of 2015. Although it should be noted that watching it with somebody you are actually rubbing nasties with probably elevates it a few notches. Everything about the personal and sexual aspects of Ana and Christian's relationship is some fuck shit, as if the writer was some impressibly repressed middle-aged suburbanette fantasizing about how this seduction, S/M and sex thing is done once you remove the holed-out sheets she's been using for her whole life.
The thought of my beloved Hugh Dancy being in it tortures my soul every time I think about it.
I can't wait till the production fuckery starts leaking, though. The first movie was a total mess and E L James has a reputation for being a despotic, controlling asshole with even less talent at film producing than she has at book writting, which is to say something.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
He is?
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
He'll be playing Christian's shrink, I believe.
Hopefully he will channel his Will persona and spare us from a third film in pure Hannibal fashion.
Prophet Steve
Member
I wasn't even aware there was a group, so no.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
He'll be playing Christian's shrink, I believe.
Hopefully he will channel his Will persona and spare us from a third film in pure Hannibal fashion.
More of Christian being repulsed by emotions? Oh boy I can't wait.
Nomadic Sparks
Banned
Fried pastrami and fried eggs easy.
Halcyon
Member
I mean I'm wearing a Superman shirt so it wouldn't be a very good disguise. Need more glasses.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
am I allowed to sleep, FakeGAF? Can my suffering finally end?
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
I bet it's just a ruse to get Jake to watch it.
Nomadic Sparks
Banned
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
I made applesauce
"Dragonz toiled hard for six days reviewing fifty shades, and suffered greatly while doing so. Then, on the dawn of the seventh day, she asked, 'may I sleep?' And they answered, 'rest now, for your work is done'" Sol 120:5972
ThoseDeafMutes
Member
Rest now my child
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
I'm so happy.
You still need to watch Titanic: The Legend Goes On
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Got a really random craving to play some Crash Bandicoot.
PSN, here I come
PSN, here I come
He calls you blue. That is adorable.
One day you should make a scavenger hunt for him. Have it lead to your bedroom. You can tell him he needs to search for blue's clues.
trab pu kcip
Member
hang in there bro! (=①ω①=)
OK
Decided that I need a new haircut. Will try a man bun as soon as the hair is long enough
Edit:
If I cut/trim the hair around it the bun will look better I guess. Plus my hair grows rather fast
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
Waffles > pancakes
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
It's true, there's no accounting for taste.
CrudeDiatribe
Member
if pancakes make you fat, I don't want to be not fat.
50 Shades sounds worse than I had even imagined.
50 Shades sounds worse than I had even imagined.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
nah son
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
I'm surprised Google was able to get something this specific
Well, it was spawned from a Twilight fanfiction. Its only real use as entertainment comes from reading it in other people's voices
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
I've been telling you fakers for the past three seasons, but you wouldn't listen.
Which episode are you on?
Prophet Steve
Member
I am watching The Americans with my brother. But he says he wants to stop after the first season.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
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