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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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Mr.Squirrel
Tom
Do you drink or do drugs?Generic said:
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
:lol :lol :lol :lol :loljon bones said:
-PXG- said:
Erm.....
Well, none of those are MAJOR problems, but they are present. I'm not depressed, but I'm not happy either. I haven't been happy in years. I don't have to lose 100 pounds, but I do need to get in shape (already working on it). And I do have a rather strong case of social anxiety. Besides being so 'uptight' about my standards for conversation, I just have trouble transitioning from topic to topic, especially with such 'light and airy' conversations that leave nothing to go on. Another thing I favor in deep discussions is that there is SO much to address. But yeah, the things you mentioned are factors too. I'd add in that I'm ugly, which I do feel I am, but people have now been telling me I'm okay looking (hard to believe after years of being called ugly, sometimes to my face, but whatever), so that's not as big an issue anymore.
bdizzle said:
No, I find alcohol to be disgusting and I'd rather not try drugs other than marijuana, which I did try and it didn't do much for me. After that, my dad asked me not to try it again and I gave him my word I wouldn't, even though I know it's not really unhealthy at all.
hmmm
you're gonna want to maybe start drinking - ease into it with drinks like:
-rum and coke
-long island iced teas (these are strong, you'll want to go easy on them)
-common white ales (hoegarden)
drinking is The Great Social Lubricant - no need to go overboard but if you're of age, it is time reconsider alcohol
you're gonna want to maybe start drinking - ease into it with drinks like:
-rum and coke
-long island iced teas (these are strong, you'll want to go easy on them)
-common white ales (hoegarden)
drinking is The Great Social Lubricant - no need to go overboard but if you're of age, it is time reconsider alcohol
I don't get it. Everyone says "practice" is how you get over the social anxiety, and that's what I've been trying to do. Just talking to people. It's not easy or fun, but it's what everyone suggested. Now your saying I'm not ready for that?-PXG- said:
And I'm 20 and will be 21 in about 3 months. I've tried alcohol and not too long ago either. It's not very good, I'd really rather not go down that path. That said, I understand the effects alcohol has and understand why others drink. I just can't get over the taste though. Besides, I don't really have anyone I'd want to drink with.
If you don't feel good about yourself, you're missing a key element. You're subconsciously blocking off avenues of approach (physical, humourous, whatever). Giving yourself a handicap, essentially.
You need confidence in yourself, and that you can actually hold a conversation, steer is somewhere interesting for the both of you. Knowing that you aren't an ugly wet fish, and having that gnaw at you helps.
You need confidence in yourself, and that you can actually hold a conversation, steer is somewhere interesting for the both of you. Knowing that you aren't an ugly wet fish, and having that gnaw at you helps.
Generic said:
i disagree with PXG and agree with you in this case- you're doing well. you can improve and practice simultaneously.
Generic said:
it's an acquired taste - know how the subtleties of those things you love aren't obvious at first? the same is true of booze.
introduce light drinking to your friends - again, no need to go overboard but drinking is a vital part of the social construct of America in 2010. you're going to want to seriously reconsider your stance on the matter. seriously.
Generic said:
You're kidding yourself if you think you're making significant progress. Now, perhaps I'm wrong, and you are doing just fine. But re-read your posts. You're clearly complacent with the idea that you have deeper and more intelligent conversations than most people. Having such an attitude and acting it out isn't helping you. Trust me. You also admitted to having social anxiety and being physically unattractive. That's quite a volatile mix you have going on.
I suggest doing some more soul searching and self improvement. Once you do that, whatever progress you made before, will go at a much faster rate.
Oh yeah, start drinking. You don't have to get drunk, but do yourself a favor and acquire a taste for alcohol. Like jon bones said, it IS a social lubricant. That, and it doesn't make you look like you're 8 years old. Oh and besides consuming a sensible amount, make or order reasonable drinks. Beer, Jack/ rum and coke, something you think a guy drinks. Don't get some Crayola colored fruit bullshit. Girls drink that crap.
jon bones said:
I just don't want him getting frustrated and sabotaging himself. It may be too much for him to work on himself and work on girls at the same time. In my opinion, I think it would be best to take things slow and work on things in small chunks.
I suggest working on yourself first, that way, when you do try to engage with females, the progress you make is more significant and at an acceptable pace for you. That's all.
-PXG- said:
I never said I made significant progress, I just started and I'm following the advice you guys gave me. That's all. And my social anxiety is limited to strangers. That girl that I talk to? The first day, I tried to start several conversations, but it didn't go, so I felt I screwed up. But the next day, she started some conversations with me, that also didn't go well. I was still having trouble conversing with her, but I wasn't really breaking down trying to talk to her. There was no anxiety, just a lack of solid communication. And for the physically unattractive thing, I swear to god, I wish people would make up their minds about that. For most of my life, I've been told by my age group that I'm unattractive while older people told me I looked great. Nowadays, I've asked about 3 people my age, and they told me that, no, I wasn't ugly. Apparently, my looks grew into me, or something. I'm in the mindset because you don't just get over being called ugly for most of your life just like that, but quiet a few people have told me I'm fine, so I honestly don't know at this point.
And be more specific on what I have to search for exactly. My only goal here is learning how I can socialize normally in case I ever need or want to employ this skill. Once I've mastered this, I'm probably going to go back to being alone with infrequent outings to go meet women for a fuck. It's all I'm asking for really, just the skills to make that work.
I'll acquire a tolerance for it, but I doubt I'll end up liking the stuff. Oddly, whenever I tell someone I don't drink, they always go "Man, your smart. You know to avoid this stuff." and then they proceed to keep drinking. I don't get that.
jon bones said:
If I go to a party, I can drink, even the strong stuff. I just don't like it. Isn't that enough?
Mike Works
Member
Generic, you don't sound like a very fun person to talk to (in real life; you're fine on here).
Additionally, I personally don't think you should be taking advice from bdizzle. Listen to what Cyan said: conversations are a two-way street and you have to have respect for the person you're talking to.
My girlfriend prefers Jay Leno to David Letterman. On the internet? Valid reason to ban someone. In real life? So fucking what.
Quit being so judgmental; it's not attractive at all. You don't have to drop your principals or standards, but not respecting a woman because she doesn't want to listen to your 9 page thesis on Alan Wake is fucking laughable.
I don't care if you've been analytical your whole life. You've also been dateless your whole life.
Maybe you should analyze yourself.
Additionally, I personally don't think you should be taking advice from bdizzle. Listen to what Cyan said: conversations are a two-way street and you have to have respect for the person you're talking to.
My girlfriend prefers Jay Leno to David Letterman. On the internet? Valid reason to ban someone. In real life? So fucking what.
Quit being so judgmental; it's not attractive at all. You don't have to drop your principals or standards, but not respecting a woman because she doesn't want to listen to your 9 page thesis on Alan Wake is fucking laughable.
I don't care if you've been analytical your whole life. You've also been dateless your whole life.
Maybe you should analyze yourself.
jamesinclair
Banned
-PXG- said:Nope. She's a really lustful, freaky and horny virgin who's just been waiting for a guy ( I guess like me) to seduce her and make her feel special. She was really shy at first but the more I talked to her, the more she opened up to me. I've been shamelessly flirting and teasing the shit out of her saying all sorts of stuff to get her all hot and bothered. So, its not like I'm completely innocent here. She says she still hasn't had her cherry popped yet. She is a cool girl though. She's sharp and smart as hell. We have alot in common. She's very kind and sincere, or at least she seems so thus far. And willing too :lol
No matter what, I always have rubbers on handShe is a tad too clingy, but I'll play it by ear tomorrow. If she starts being too weird I'll tell her (nicely) to ease up. I don't want some girl falling in love with me after one or two dates now. Plus, the last thing I want to do is use her or break her heart. I'll be careful.
Anyway, I hope today's plans don't go down the shitter.
I wish you the best man, but....
Mike Works said:
Not an entirely fair statement. I've been dateless my whole life because I've pushed away every possible relationship around the time I hit puberty. That's only changing now, when I finally have the desire to go out and talk to people.
And it's not that I don't want her to listen to me blather on and on, but I do want to have an actual deep conversation on some stuff. Even if it's something I personally don't look too deeply into, I'd like to hear the other person talk passionately about why they like something. The girl I talked to before. she said she liked going to concerts. I tell her I've never been and ask her why she likes them so much. "I don't know I just like them. It's the experience I guess." Describe it, tell me why you love it so much, what makes it great. It's not that I disagree, it's that people never get into these things, because they want to keep it 'light and airy', as if showing a strong passion for something is so horrible just because you don't know the person. That's what makes me disrespect a person.
Besides that, your mostly right. I have trouble talking to people particularly those I'm not familiar with, and maybe that's my fault. Like I said, I'm trying to improve by talking to people, but thus far, it mostly ends with awkwardness.
Generic said:
pshh fuck what you heard - make up your mind about that. as far as i'm concerned, i'm a ten. doesn't matter what physical flaws i used to see in me - i am comfortable with myself and while i am always improving through diet/gym time - i always look great. adopt that attitude and believe in it.
Generic said:
brother, that's not how it's going to work. you need to appreciate that humans are social beings and that being social has a lot to offer you. you could easily get to the point where you just go to bars when you're horny to pull a 5 to bust a nut in but you want women of value and that shit isn't always that simple.
Generic said:
do you get drunk when you drink? college booze tastes the fuckin worse so i don't blame you - put up with it until you're buying your own top shelf delicious booze. i can't stress the importance of a responsible drinking habit enough though - it has a lot more to offer than you realize.
Mike Works said:
r. kelly - real talk.mp3
pops619 said:
he's either a troll or a serial rapist in the making
jon bones said:
that's my basic stance on it, except less enthusiastic. With so many varying opinions, and the fact that ugly guys can get girls if their smooth enough anyway, I just don't give a fuck anymore. I keep myself clean and decent, and if that's not enough, oh well.
jon bones said:
By women of value, do you mean a serious relationship? Because if so, I am absolutely terrified of that, and I will do everything in my power to avoid that. I want to ability to be social, yes, but I want the ability to turn that off at any point in time. If having a girlfriend becomes at any point inconvenient to me, I want to have no trouble saying "Okay then. Leave"
If you just mean perfect 10's, how social are we talking here?
Not typically. Sometimes it's beer of varying brands, sometimes it's some drink that my friend mixes (usually tastes the best, but still bleh). The one time I did get drunk is the thing that swore me off the stuff forever. The euphoria you feel when drunk is not worth the shitty taste, nor the morning afterwards.
Mike Works
Member
See, it's good that you're open to criticism and willing to discuss it. That's a big step that some people in this thread can't even take.Generic said:
First of all, you have to realize that most first conversations and first dates don't involve deep conversations. On average, you'll at most get a conversation going into why someone likes things, but you can't go in with the mindset of opening your inner being to a girl, or expecting the same from her. When you first meet a friend of a friend, do you go up to him/her and say, "TELL ME ABOUT YOUR MOST PASSIONATE OF PASSIONS! THEN, WHEN FINISHED, I SHALL DISSECT HALO 3'S LEVEL STRUCTURE FOR YOU! GO!"
Secondly, you have to realize, a conversation is a back and forth. You're not one of those moderators at debates who throw up a question and then expect the other person to talk about it for 3 minutes.
If she doesn't elaborate into why she likes concerts, then maybe you worded the question wrong? Maybe she just doesn't feel like talking about why she likes concerts right now. Maybe she can't articulate it. Maybe you needed to say something to follow up your first question to get the conversation flowing better.
But no, you lose respect for that girl because she doesn't expand on why she loves concerts. Again, those are ridiculous standards to have and you need to change them. You're judging people way too much on way too little here.
I'm not saying you have to date airheads that don't have any passion or interests, but you do need to realize how you're coming off here- both to us, and probably the women you're talking to.
Generic said:
8's and above are approached by men very often. if you're in the right place at the right time, you can bag one at a party/bar if she's coming out of a bad relationship or if you've got tons of game or if you're objectively great looking. more often than not, you're going to need to build a bond with a 8+ before getting it in. people like homebodies, no one likes a shut in.
Generic said:
you're just finding your feet... in time you'll learn how to avoid hang overs, appreciate delicious boozes from all over the world and how they pair with food, etc. i hate to dwell on this topic but it is crucial that you revisit this.
Mike Works said:
It...just seems like the most natural thing in the world to me, if you like something, you know what the fuck it is you like about it, or if you don't, you spend time thinking about it, remember great experiences you had concerning it, whatever. I don't see how anyone can not answer the question "Why do you like to do the thing you like to do the most?" I literally can't comprehend how someone can not know this, how they would never ponder to themselves why it is they like it if they were unsure...
But fine. This wouldn't the the first time I'm going WTF at apparently basic human socialization rituals, so I'll go with it. I don't come off as judgmental in front of people BTW. When it bothers me enough, the most I do is make up some excuse to get away from them so they won't annoy me, but it's not like I go up to their face and tell them that I think less of them for it. But very well, I'll try not to worry about it so much, and just focus on trying to get her to like me, and nothing more.
jon bones said:
Why, exactly? Why can't I just take my glass and sip at it every so often to give the impression that I'm drinking when I'm not? Everyone else is probably going to get drunk, what do they care?
jon bones said:
is there a way to become one of those people that's taking in 8+'s every night? Besides extremely unlikely methods, like becoming fabulously rich.
There's this girl I'm seeing and I found it we're distantly related (somehow?). I didn't give a fuck but everyone (brother/friends) are riding me hard about it lately.
Let me see if I can explain it,
My mother is 1st cousins with Mary.
Mary is 1st Cousins with her Mom.
Hopefully that makes sense. It didn't really bother me all that much but now I'm being called the Cousin Fucker.
The relationship isn't going that great as-is at the moment so it might be playing into it.
Thoughts? Should I just let it go?
Let me see if I can explain it,
My mother is 1st cousins with Mary.
Mary is 1st Cousins with her Mom.
Hopefully that makes sense. It didn't really bother me all that much but now I'm being called the Cousin Fucker.
The relationship isn't going that great as-is at the moment so it might be playing into it.
Thoughts? Should I just let it go?
Generic said:
wrong answer. you don't give a fuck if she likes you. you are an interesting and social person who wants to have conversations because it's fun to chat with people. whether or not she likes you doesn't matter because you have a harem of women waiting for you back home. you are interested but not invested.
Generic said:
i don't care what they care and neither do you. i am telling you to a little drink more because the act itself has inherent value to you that you haven't explored yet.
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
Mike Works said:
HappyBivouac
Member
Russell said:
I don't know what's worse--your attitude or the stupid comments some people are making about it, completely missing the point of what is so fundamentally flawed about your thinking.
Here is the fundamental flaw:
There is no such thing as someone being "deserving" or not of sex, love, and intimacy. That concept does not even enter into reality.
You could be the richest, most interesting, sharp-witted, sexiest man alive, but if all you do is set in a computer chair saying "WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LOVE ME" then of course you're going to get nowhere. What, you really think these things just come to people? You have to fucking get out there and try, for god's sake. There are a lot of things people misunderstand about love and sex and stuff, but this is fundamental basic human logic. This is fucking 2+2.
How can you dismiss the concept of taking risks and getting hurt? Because sex is natural? How does your logic even remotely make any sense? You have to get out there and make it known to the people you're interested in that you're interested in being close to them. Being deserving doesn't even enter into any of this. Sometimes you're into someone, you approach them, you're firm in your intentions, there's chemistry, and magic happens. Sometimes it doesn't go that well. This happens to everyone.
I'm just in disbelief as to how you could have such an ass-backwards way of looking at people.
The Shadow
Member
Generic said:
Well, that's the fundamental difference between you and Russell. You both have problems but he chooses to ignore them and blame everyone else. You choose to acknowledge those problems and work on them.
It's work and it'll take time but you should definitely feel better about yourself for wanting to improve.
Generic said:
One thing you need to keep in mind is that everyone has their own passions. Everybody. And it's not like they can't talk deeply about it, they can, it's just not something they do when they first meet someone.
Mike had the right idea. You can't talk to people in real life like you do with people online. It's two very different worlds. People's emotions are kind of unhinged and impolite online. In person, it's more comfortable and calm. They don't talk about their deepest passions when they first meet someone. Online, that's the first thing that comes out.
You've probably heard the phrase or term "small talk". It seems trite and fake and a bunch of other names but the fact is, EVERYONE does it to kind of poke each other with a stick to find out what that person is about. In real life, you don't vomit your passion at people, you poke and probe with small talk first. Get an idea if they share the same beliefs, hobbies, thoughts, etc, as you.
Now, I bolded that statement above for a reason. Basically, it's not wrong to show interest in someone but the way you go about it can really set very contrasting moods. If the scenario played out like you described, I'd imagine the person would get defensive. Think about it. You have a passion that someone else doesn't care for, and they start asking up front questions like, "So why do you love it so much? Why is it so special?" It puts a person on a defensive, rather than make them feel like you have genuine interest.
Erg....I'm getting a bit long here. I guess the long and short of it. Find some common ground first instead of asking about what they love, especially if you don't share that same passion.
HappyBivouac said:
Russell is Girl-Age's case study.
Personally, I want to help the guy realize the flaw in his logic, and help him find happiness. And that goes for everyone who posts in here. I want everyone to eventually get what they're seeking and be content with themselves and whoever they're with. However, satisfaction doesn't necessarily come naturally, quickly or easily. Remember, no one is entitled to goddamn thing. In Russell's case, the idea that he deserves a girl, needs to get the fuck out of his head, and fast.
Maybe if he worked hard, put in some effort and took initiative, Russell's sense of entitlement could be a debatable subject. But as it stands now, it's not even remotely close to being taken seriously. Before we can even help him, he needs to calm the fuck down and land his ass firmly back on planet Earth. Again, I don't want to ridicule the guy. I want to help him. But he needs to wake up, allow us to assist him and not have such vapid, bizarre and utterly ridiculous beliefs.
The Shadow
Member
-PXG- said:
I personally think we aught to just ignore the poor bastard. The only one that can convince him that he needs help is himself....and he clearly has no desire to ask for help. So it's kind of a pointless exercise at this point.
JumpJeff84
Member
bdizzle said:
Yeah, with you on all counts. I've got the bed locked down, bedding is coming, and I'm already accumulating artwork and nice furniture. I'm gonna make sure the room is true to my personality (funk) while also being female friendly.
EDIT: And you KNOW I got the slow jams covered. Did you forget who you were talking to? I got smooth R&B from the past five decades covered.
JumpJeff84
Member
Just christened my new room. Bed isn't here yet, but she sat in my desk chair while I sat on the floor and went down on her. Then we switched spots.
I love this new place already.
I love this new place already.
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
If you have carpet invest in some glade carpet freshner. It works miracles.Whoompthereitis said:
JumpJeff84
Member
bdizzle said:
Hardwood floors.
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
I pop my collar to you good sirWhoompthereitis said:
EDIT:
Yo whoomp put me onto some smooth jams. My R&B game is lacking like a mahfucka. Right now I got this playlist, but I know it could be way better:
Mr.Squirrel
Tom
Aight, well stick with the potpourri then, that'll kill em. And Congrats on christening the new spot. Achievement unlocked lolWhoompthereitis said:
grap3fruitman
Banned
Books, groups? Those seem like they would make me much more depressed.The Shadow said:
I don't have confidence issues. I'm just afraid of women because I have zero experience with them and I'm nothing special.
I'm not going to think I'm the greatest person in the world and I can do no wrong. I don't want to be that douchebag. I'm just being honest is all, despite the fact that it sounds like I'm just whining.
vitaminwateryum
corporate swill
grap3fruitman said:
Huh.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Again, I'm just being honest and I think you guys are making the situation out to be worse than it actually is. Though, I'm partially to blame since I'm so vocal about this.vitaminwateryum said:
How confident did you feel about getting women at 13? Because I never learned all that dating stuff you're supposed to start when puberty hits. I'm basically a 13 year old kid in a 23 year old's body.
grap3fruitman said:
I think he meant that you contradicted yourself. You say you don't have confidence issues, when you clearly do.
In other news, I really hit it off with yet another lovely lass tonight. I mean this facetiously, but she's wife material :lol She's my kind of woman. Everything (so far) I want in a girl. She got out of a really shitty relationship a couple of months ago. This dude was both verbally and physically abusive. The whole works. If you name it, he probably did it.
Anyway, when I first started talking to her last week, she told me up front she wasn't really looking for a boyfriend. Now to me, she's implying that she isn't actively looking for one, but won't neccesarily turn down a guy who she thinks is BF material. I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if I've been perma-friendzoned or if I have a shot with her. She's takes a liking and is very receptive to pretty much everything I say. She's already really comfortable and relaxed with me. I made her laugh her ass off tonight. We have no problems holding a convesation at all, plus we have a lot in common. We're both artists. What's also a relief is that I don't always have to initiate the conversation. She'll text me and IM me as soon as I log on. I gave her my number and she called me. There has yet to be a dull or awkward moment between us.
I plan on asking her out on a date the next time I talk to her, which is either late tonight or tomorrow morning. Oh, and she's fucking adorable,
and a pawg too
This paragraph is really troubling to read and it sounds like you're not ready for the responsibility of dating/a relationship. A committed relationship with another human being is not something you should discard the moment it becomes inconvenient to you. Here's a question for you... Do you have any pets?Generic said:
One of the things bdizzle touched upon that he is 100% right about is your goal when first interacting with a stranger is to have fun. That should be the only thing you're concerned about. If you come off as too serious, too analytical, too judgmental, you will leave a bad first impression. If you do that, people will not want to get to know you better and have a deeper conversation. There is an art to small talk and it is an essential social skill. If you're not good at it, you need to practice and converse more with strangers in your everyday life.
Also, I second Jon Bone's comment that drinking is socially very important. A social, friendly person who gets along well with everyone and is a master conversationalist can overcome the handicap of not drinking in a bar. If you are not that outgoing, charismatic person, you shouldn't lower your chances of success by being perceived as an outsider in an environment where everyone else is drinking.
grap3fruitman
Banned
Again, how confident would you be with women having never been on a date or anything? It seems like my behavior is completely normal considering my situation.-PXG- said:
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