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[Casp0r]

Ok Gaf I got an interesting one for you.

So I've been seeing this girl, she's absolutely gorgeous, beautiful, affectionate and sweet. We went on a spontaneous holiday 3 weeks after meeting and had the best time ever. We even started using the L word quite soon in and well ... I mean it every time. She's just perfect.

However ...

She has come out of a long term relationship (3 ish years), she initiated the break up about 5 months ago however since she lived with the guy it was slightly on again off again however about 2 months ago she finally put her foot down. Throughout this whole time he has continued on like nothing had happened and even, to her face, told her she would inevitably come crawling back.

Well she met me and realized men aren't actually complete pigs. Now since then the following has happened:

- I helped her move out of her flat, he knew she was moving out however when he later returned to a half empty flat, it apparently 'starting hitting him'.
- We got tagged in some photos together, which he ultimately saw and realized we were sort of serious.
- He found out we went on holiday together, to which he finally broke down and sent numerous nasty texts, including 'you owe me all the dinners i bought you' (funny he hadn't taken her out for a meal for 6 months), 'i slept with so and so ... how'd you like that', 'your a slut etc etc'.
- She initiated a facebook relationship with me, in the hope he would realize we're getting very serious ... he texts her hes coming to see her, unlikely since he doesn't know where she lives.

Since then he has been flip flopping between 'crying desperate take me back' and aggressive 'your a bitch never talk to me again'.

She ignores most texts and has made it abundantly clear she's with me and has moved on. However every time he texts her something crazy like 'I'm going to take you away this weekend pack your bags' or 'your tearing my life appart' it upsets her really badly and she just wants him to leave her alone. He manages to make her feel bad and guilty with his text groveling and angry calls.

What can I do for her gaf? I want this to end civilly, I don't want her to have to change her number and go through all the anti-stalker measures she's just told me she's considering.

 

[Spacebar]

You shouldn't have to deal with that. She needs to tell the dude to either move on or just leave her the fuck alone. If he doesn't then she needs to change her number, file restraining order etc.

 

[Neki]

Changing her number and deleting him off facebook seems like the easiest solutions.

 

[Borman]

Yep, first thing I would do is change my number.

 

[SpectreFire]

Also, be sure to keep records all of those communications, in the event he keeps escalating and you need to file a restraining order.

Having all that evidence would make the process much better for you.

 

[Casp0r]

Yeah, I've just spoken with her and she's really upset about the whole thing. We've drawn out a base plan of one more text explaining how he needs to back off and never contact again, then depending on how he reacts, proceed to block all contact. Facebook, number, etc etc.

This girl is truly amazing, and this dumb ass is only now just realizing what he's missing.

 

[The Technomancer]

So this girl in my Comedy lecture doesn't really talk to anyone but me, we sit in the back alternatively paying attention and cracking jokes the whole hour, she added me on Facebook after the third day and now she wants to have a study session even though we've not really covered anything that needs to be studied.

Yeah, either she's just incredibly friendly or she's interested in me...

 

[SRG01]

So this girl in my Comedy lecture doesn't really talk to anyone but me, we sit in the back alternatively paying attention and cracking jokes the whole hour, she added me on Facebook after the third day and now she wants to have a study session even though we've not really covered anything that needs to be studied.

Yeah, either she's just incredibly friendly or she's interested in me...

hehe "study session"

 

[BobFromPikeCreek]

So this girl in my Comedy lecture doesn't really talk to anyone but me, we sit in the back alternatively paying attention and cracking jokes the whole hour, she added me on Facebook after the third day and now she wants to have a study session even though we've not really covered anything that needs to be studied.

Yeah, either she's just incredibly friendly or she's interested in me...

If she asks you to drink alone with her SAY YES.

 

[low-G]

fooled around with me; and ended up being one of my friend's slampieces

To be clear, your friend got more out of her than you? Are you just looking for a simple monogamous relationship?

I am so depressed... the most beautiful girl on POF didn't respond to the message I sent her and also declined my chat request.

Are you also disappointed whenever you roll a dice and don't get the number you want?

 

[Minamu]

Are you also disappointed whenever you roll a dice and don't get the number you want?

Yeah, there are many more dice out there, and it's the dice's loss, really.

 

[soundahfekz]

Are you also disappointed whenever you roll a dice and don't get the number you want?

Fuck yeah I am, especially if I've got more than 100 out there. Temporary disappointment is acceptable and human. Trying to initiate a chat after no response from your initial message is not.

 

[Eggo]

If she asks you to drink alone with her SAY YES.

...Even if you don't drink.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

To be clear, your friend got more out of her than you? Are you just looking for a simple monogamous relationship?

Yes he did; but to cut the story short he was a good friend about it and discussed things with me so I wouldn't be further hurt (after he found out what went down).

And my intention was a RL. My personality is a lot more traditional/conservative; I'm way out of place in today's hookup culture.

 

[NeOak]

Just a quick vent:

I don't like how despite being a decent guy after she cut me off, no retaliation at all even when she attacked me and i left her alone since she dated his current boyfriend, my ex hates me. It kinda frustrates me that she has this hate towards me and i don't remember doing anything to make me deserve it.

And yes, i've dated other girls, been with other girls, etc. But this soap opera from monday to friday (since i see her basically everyday) sometimes does affect me :/

*sigh*

 

[NihonTiger90]

Just a quick vent:

I don't like how despite being a decent guy after she cut me off, no retaliation at all even when she attacked me and i left her alone since she dated his current boyfriend, my ex hates me. It kinda frustrates me that she has this hate towards me and i don't remember doing anything to make me deserve it.

And yes, i've dated other girls, been with other girls, etc. But this soap opera from monday to friday (since i see her basically everyday) sometimes does affect me :/

*sigh*

*pats on the back* It happens. Some people are irrational, but look at it this way: she is no longer your problem. You'll find someone better who will treat you with respect, so chin up.

 

[computers putin']

...Even if you don't drink.

If she asks you to drink alone with her SAY YES.

screw both of you......

fml

 

[SRG01]

screw both of you......

fml

We're not saying you have to drink, you could've said "I don't drink, but I'd still like to hang out with you"

 

[Atramental]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

Yep, unless you can find some time in between classes to talk to classmates and set things up for the weekend.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

We're not saying you have to drink, you could've said "I don't drink, but I'd still like to hang out with you"

The best thing to drink when you have no intention of getting drunk is scotch.

Whoops. I thought I was editing a post.

 

[Attackthebase]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

Sadly this is kind of the case, at least inside the university setting. I swear this was my schedule last semester before I got the offer to live on campus for free.

 

[SRG01]

The best thing to drink when you have no intention of getting drunk is scotch.

Whoops. I thought I was editing a post.

Nah, I just go with straight vodka on the rocks.

 

[IamMattFox]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

Why don't you join some school sanctioned clubs or something? My school had fliers posted all over the place for various activities that were going on all the time.

 

[computers putin']

We're not saying you have to drink, you could've said "I don't drink, but I'd still like to hang out with you"

I will, I know better now

 

[NihonTiger90]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

Probably is the case.

 

[SRG01]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

If you have a car, you can definitely squeeze things in. It means you can stay on campus later and take a few social classes on the side.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Yeah, I've just spoken with her and she's really upset about the whole thing. We've drawn out a base plan of one more text explaining how he needs to back off and never contact again, then depending on how he reacts, proceed to block all contact. Facebook, number, etc etc.

This girl is truly amazing, and this dumb ass is only now just realizing what he's missing.

why does she even look at his texts when every message is a mess of resentment or anger? I dont think she should have to change her number or even send this last text. fuck it. he had a chance, treated her like shit now she's happily with u. thats life, the sooner she ignores his texts the sooner all 3 of you can carry on with your lives. I dont see any other outcome from this. i mean, does she still want to be friends with this guy after all this trouble? Surely not. Cut off, live your lives and be happy!

 

[Atramental]

Why don't you join some school sanctioned clubs or something? My school had fliers posted all over the place for various activities that were going on all the time.

I joined the Free Thinker club but I haven't had the chance to go to any meetings. They'd probably love me.

 

[Beer Monkey]

If you don't drink, just get a club soda with bitters or something and act like it's no big deal.

(you'll get less alcohol in your system with a few glasses, including the bitters than you get rinsing your mouth for five seconds with mouthwash)

Bonus: it's tasty.

why does she even look at his texts when every message is a mess of resentment or anger? I dont think she should have to change her number or even send this last text. fuck it. he had a chance, treated her like shit now she's happily with u. thats life, the sooner she ignores his texts the sooner all 3 of you can carry on with your lives. I dont see any other outcome from this. i mean, does she still want to be friends with this guy after all this trouble? Surely not. Cut off, live your lives and be happy!

Ding ding ding. She's being an enabler. I'd tell her that, personally. And if she freaks out, walk.

Remember, no pedestals. Don't put up with dysfunctional behavior, and she's definitely part of it.

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

Okay I'm new to the dating scene and this following scenario has left me feeling awful:

I started talking to this girl from OKCupid, we texted for about a week and a half, then went on one date with her. The date was fine, though there were a couple times where I was woefully uninterested in anything she had to say. Anyway, before and after the date she was super flirty during texts, sending me pics and being intensely sexual, and being a dumb shit lead by his dick I obliged instead of telling her to cool it off.

I should mention that she is quite overweight and I don't find her particularly attractive, but being a virgin and tits being tits I found myself participating almost against my will.

Here's the problem, I'm continuing to date other people from OKCupid, and I've always been very honest about this. However, I believe she misinterpreted my returned flirting (and pics, as embarrassing as that is), and probably rightly so, as me becoming attached exclusively to her.

So on Sunday she asks what I'm doing for the night and continuing my honest approach I tell her I'm going on another date. Her reaction is odd, but difficult to read. She says it's cool but I detected a hint of anger/jealousy.

This other date is nearly flawless, and we clearly have great chemistry with each other. Not to mention I actually find her attractive...

So I get home and immediately girl #1 starts acting more sexual than ever, almost in an attempt to inform me of what I'm missing, so to speak. Again being an inexperienced moron I play along, but afterward feel unbelievably guilty.

The next day, I told her that we need to slow things down, and that things have started to feel weird. She was clearly hurt by this, as she very obviously thought we were much closer than I actually felt, and this is what's chewing me up inside. I never gave her a hint that I wasn't feeling what she was feeling, and in order to not embarrass her, I always went along with with her... giving her compliments and basically giving off signals that I was totally into her.

TLR - I strung girl 1 around because I'm a pussy, met a more attractive/compatible girl, and devastated girl 1 with my sudden "change of heart".

 

[Danielsan]

Unexpectedly had my date changed from the next Monday to yesterday. The date went pretty well and we hit off. Texted a bit on the way back home as well as when I got home. She told me that she had fun and that we should definitely do it again some time. This morning we chatted a bit via IM so it's fairly clear that she's into me.

I intend to set a follow up date where she comes over to my town/place soon. It's only been 1 date so I'm definitely interested in a follow up. Though I already notice that I have my fair share of doubts in the back of my mind. In a way I can already tell that this won't be "a keeper". It's not that morally bankrupt to want to see where things lead and just have fun right?

Also due to me having to hurry to catch the last bus, or be left stranded with no place to stay I only kissed her on the cheeks. Though I feel that I could have gotten away with more. What would be the best way to greet her upon a follow up date?

 

[Pikelet]

Okay I'm new to the dating scene and this following scenario has left me feeling awful:

I started talking to this girl from OKCupid, we texted for about a week and a half, then went on one date with her. The date was fine, though there were a couple times where I was woefully uninterested in anything she had to say. Anyway, before and after the date she was super flirty during texts, sending me pics and being intensely sexual, and being a dumb shit lead by his dick I obliged instead of telling her to cool it off.

I should mention that she is quite overweight and I don't find her particularly attractive, but being a virgin and tits being tits I found myself participating almost against my will.

Here's the problem, I'm continuing to date other people from OKCupid, and I've always been very honest about this. However, I believe she misinterpreted my returned flirting (and pics, as embarrassing as that is), and probably rightly so, as me becoming attached exclusively to her.

So on Sunday she asks what I'm doing for the night and continuing my honest approach I tell her I'm going on another date. Her reaction is odd, but difficult to read. She says it's cool but I detected a hint of anger/jealousy.

This other date is nearly flawless, and we clearly have great chemistry with each other. Not to mention I actually find her attractive...

So I get home and immediately girl #1 starts acting more sexual than ever, almost in an attempt to inform me of what I'm missing, so to speak. Again being an inexperienced moron I play along, but afterward feel unbelievably guilty.

The next day, I told her that we need to slow things down, and that things have started to feel weird. She was clearly hurt by this, as she very obviously thought we were much closer than I actually felt, and this is what's chewing me up inside. I never gave her a hint that I wasn't feeling what she was feeling, and in order to not embarrass her, I always went along with with her... giving her compliments and basically giving off signals that I was totally into her.

TLR - I strung girl 1 around because I'm a pussy, met a more attractive/compatible girl, and devastated girl 1 with my sudden "change of heart".

This is more common than you realise i think, it's happened to a few of my friends. They spend much of their lives looking for girls with no luck, then suddenly find themselves with more than one and don't know how to deal with it. Luckily it's only been a few weeks in your case. I think you're just going to have hurt her feelings, but she will get over it. It's not easy being the asshole, but in the long-term it will be better for everyone involved. Tell her the truth, that you are no longer interested in a relationship with her.

A valuable lesson learned though, always be genuine with your affection

 

[FreeMufasa]

Okay I'm new to the dating scene and this following scenario has left me feeling awful:

I started talking to this girl from OKCupid, we texted for about a week and a half, then went on one date with her. The date was fine, though there were a couple times where I was woefully uninterested in anything she had to say. Anyway, before and after the date she was super flirty during texts, sending me pics and being intensely sexual, and being a dumb shit lead by his dick I obliged instead of telling her to cool it off.

I should mention that she is quite overweight and I don't find her particularly attractive, but being a virgin and tits being tits I found myself participating almost against my will.

Here's the problem, I'm continuing to date other people from OKCupid, and I've always been very honest about this. However, I believe she misinterpreted my returned flirting (and pics, as embarrassing as that is), and probably rightly so, as me becoming attached exclusively to her.

So on Sunday she asks what I'm doing for the night and continuing my honest approach I tell her I'm going on another date. Her reaction is odd, but difficult to read. She says it's cool but I detected a hint of anger/jealousy.

This other date is nearly flawless, and we clearly have great chemistry with each other. Not to mention I actually find her attractive...

So I get home and immediately girl #1 starts acting more sexual than ever, almost in an attempt to inform me of what I'm missing, so to speak. Again being an inexperienced moron I play along, but afterward feel unbelievably guilty.

The next day, I told her that we need to slow things down, and that things have started to feel weird. She was clearly hurt by this, as she very obviously thought we were much closer than I actually felt, and this is what's chewing me up inside. I never gave her a hint that I wasn't feeling what she was feeling, and in order to not embarrass her, I always went along with with her... giving her compliments and basically giving off signals that I was totally into her.

TLR - I strung girl 1 around because I'm a pussy, met a more attractive/compatible girl, and devastated girl 1 with my sudden "change of heart".

I think you handled it fine. You were first honest with her about dating other girls (I wouldn't have been) and you broke things off because you liked the other girl. You'll find this is a typical thing once you become more experienced with dating.

Anyway, I recieved a random invite from a girl on fb. After confirming it wasn't my brother trying to get into my fb (yes he tries this but hasn't succeeded), I added her and we get talking. She says we met at a party a few weeks ago and have a couple of mutual friends. Seems like a fun girl so i'll see where this goes for now.

 

[Boozeroony]

Unexpectedly had my date changed from the next Monday to yesterday. The date went pretty well and we hit off. Texted a bit on the way back home as well as when I got home. She told me that she had fun and that we should definitely do it again some time. This morning we chatted a bit via IM so it's fairly clear that she's into me.

I intend to set a follow up date where she comes over to my town/place soon. It's only been 1 date so I'm definitely interested in a follow up. Though I already notice that I have my fair share of doubts in the back of my mind. In a way I can already tell that this won't be "a keeper". It's not that morally bankrupt to want to see where things lead and just have fun right?

Also due to me having to hurry to catch the last bus, or be left stranded with no place to stay I only kissed her on the cheeks. Though I feel that I could have gotten away with more. What would be the best way to greet her upon a follow up date?

3 kisses.

There is nothing wrong with having a little fun, no moral bankruptcy here. Just don't tell her that you love or that you missed her .

 

[Danielsan]

3 kisses.

There is nothing wrong with having a little fun, no moral bankruptcy here. Just don't tell her that you love or that you missed her .

Seems like sound advice.
As long as I don't say things that should leave her to believe it's serious I should be fine.

 

[Cubsfan23]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

you're getting in your own way.....there's plenty of nighttime events on campuses

 

[Dr_Boris_Goltz]

Thanks Pikelet and FreeMufasa; I'm glad you guys feel that way.

I still feel pretty guilty about the whole thing, but it's most assuredly a lesson learned for the future.

 

[Beer Monkey]

Be like a woman. Women never think twice about dumping a new guy for one that fits them better.

 

[SpectreFire]

So I can only assume that by not living on campus I am basically killing all my chances of having a social life?

I swear everyday is: Wake up -> Drive to uni. -> Attend my classes -> Drive home -> Work on projects -> Bed. Rinse and Repeat.

That's basically saying something akin to not living in Los Angeles basically kills all your chances of being a shitty actor.

Where you live should have absolutely no real affect with what you end up doing with your life.

 

[low-G]

Be like a woman. Women never think twice about dumping a new guy for one that fits them better.

Not to get feminist on you but lots of guys do that and lots of girls actually don't do that. Some girls have way better guys after them but they have a sort of codependent attachment to the first guy.

 

[Attackthebase]

That's basically saying something akin to not living in Los Angeles basically kills all your chances of being a shitty actor.

Where you live should have absolutely no real affect with what you end up doing with your life.

Commuting is exhausting, especially if you have a long day of classes. When I was commuting, I often found myself not wanting to communicate with people (i.e. a long conversation), except with close friends. Always felt tired.

Of course, when summer came along, I became a socializing machine.

Edit: This should be everyone's theme song when it comes to women.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etl9kkIGaHo

 

[vitaminwateryum]

Anyone had an update from Combine?

 

[Atramental]

Commuting is exhausting, especially if you have a long day of classes. When I was commuting, I often found myself not wanting to communicate with people (i.e. a long conversation), except with close friends. Always felt tired.

Of course, when summer came along, I became a socializing machine.

Yeah commuting is very tiring for me.

It takes me about 30 minutes to get to the campus and 45 to 50 minutes to get back home because of the 5:00 pm traffic.

And during the summer I probably would be much more sociable if I actually had people to hang out with. I really only had one good friend back in high school and he's in Texas right now. The most fun I had this summer was when I flew out there and spent a week at his place.

Getting some friends that live near me is probably something that I have to work on first before I actually try and get with a girl.

I can see it now.
Girl: "Hey Atramental, don't you have any guy friends you hang out with?"
Atramental:

 

[vitaminwateryum]

Getting some friends that live near me is probably something that I have to work on first before I actually try and get with a girl.

I can see it now.
Girl: "Hey Atramental, don't you have any guy friends you hang out with?"
Atramental:

Until you have a bunch of friends treat it as a simple shit test. Agree and amplify.

 

[Atramental]

Until you have a bunch of friends treat it as a simple shit test. Agree and amplify.

I'm so out of the loop I had to look up the phrase "shit test" on urban dictionary. Haha...

1. shit test
A test that a girl performs on a male by saying or doing something to judge the reaction or response from him.

...well that sounds like fun. I'd probably come off as really sarcastic if a girl did that to me. (Or at least if I was aware that she was shit testing me.)

 

[AuthenticM]

Is a girl 10 years older than me too much? I've never dated an older girl, but now there is one that I really like. I'm in my 20s and she's in her 30s.

 

[Attackthebase]

Is a girl 10 years older than me too much? I've never dated an older girl, but now there is one that I really like. I'm in my 20s and she's in her 30s.

Go for it. Not a big deal. I knew a girl who was 18 who dated a married 28-year-old.

 

[Woody Invincible]

Commuting is exhausting, especially if you have a long day of classes. When I was commuting, I often found myself not wanting to communicate with people (i.e. a long conversation), except with close friends. Always felt tired.

Of course, when summer came along, I became a socializing machine.

Edit: This should be everyone's theme song when it comes to women.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etl9kkIGaHo

When I was in uni, after school, I worked about 6 hours every evening, then went straight to bed. I'm sure he can find time to do something social related.

 

[Woody Invincible]

Is a girl 10 years older than me too much? I've never dated an older girl, but now there is one that I really like. I'm in my 20s and she's in her 30s.

She's mature and knows what she wants in life. More than I can say for most 20 something women.

EDIT: Whoops. meant to edit post and here I go with a double.