Support NeoGAF

[Attackthebase]

I know man I've been there. You have to stop worrying about other guys and what they get from girls. You're getting to caught up in the "wtf is wrong with me" shit. Stay focused on yourself. There will always be guys better looking than you, that have more money than you, and that get more girls than you.

You just have to keep pushing forward and improving yourself. One day an opportunity is going to present itself to you and you will meet the most wonderful girl you have ever met. You should be preparing your mind/body to feel that moment and when it happens grab that opportunity by the balls and take it.

That opportunity may come tomorrow or come some other day, but it will come. You just don't want to be that guy who says to himself "Well I got no shot I just have bad luck with these things." You need to face those demons and tell them to stfu.

Look at the top left of this web page and read what's below NeoGAF......BELIEVE. I believe in you. I look forward to reading your success story in the future.

When I always read Spacebar's post, he always makes me feel happier when it comes to dating. Listen to this man. Just keep on taking care of yourself, improving yourself. Eterian, I am in a similar boat. I am an attractive man who has social skills, yet I seem to have bad luck with women. A lot of women I have gone out with, it just doesn't seem to work out for one reason or another. All I can do is focus on my happiness and improving my life. Would I like to date a woman? Sure, it would be nice, but like I said prior, I have 99 problems but a bitch ain't one.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Something I saw that I thought I'd pass along since a few people have mentioned it before. Real Reasons Women Go "Poof"

Wow. As someone who's come across a few disappearing women on dating sites, that was a depressing read. So they either meet someone better, or they find me to be intolerably ugly or boring and cant be assed to say (I dont blame them, it would definitely be awkward).. Not sure which is worse lol

Once a girl who was hardly an oil painting herself looked through a few pics of me and literally Im'ed me saying 'lol. good night'. That was an eye opener and i pretty much went through pics of me on a mission to clear out 'bad' ones. fml.

Although i did have to laugh at the finding someone 'too boring' excuse for an online dating site. What are they expecting? Im no expert but Im pretty sure there won't be too many sky diving, bungee jumping, stock car racing, action men on okcupid.

 

[Mully]

I know that it's difficult, but this attitude is very unhealthy. Acting on the basis of getting her back can easily backfire and doesn't help you grow for your next relationship. Your goal shouldn't be to get her back, because you might get a month or two away from now and discover that she has a new boyfriend, you aren't as compatible as you thought, or whatever other mitigating circumstance that might develop between you two.

Point being, you would still be subordinate to her for this period of time, negating your own life as a result. By only acting in the interest of attaining an object of desire, you are doing a disservice to both of your lives as individuals. This kind of attitude is bred from the materialistic and possessive matrix that most of us are addicted to living in, and it often ruins lives.

The only way that getting back together with someone will work is by spending time apart to rediscover yourself, and then applying the knowledge you've gained over that period of growth to reevaluate whether or not you want this person that close to you.

Listen. I doubt you saw my other thread. I'm in AA for a multitude of reasons. Of course she is a motivating factor. However, my main reason for going is because I've seen what alcohol can do to people. My Dad's side of the family is full of them and we don't talk to them that much. My mom's ex-friends had the same problems.

I'm 20 years old and I've already ruined a good amount of relationships just based on my actions from a drunken night. Prior to my pledge to stay sober, I didn't drink often but when I did I would become a complete jackass. While there were some fun nights of stupidity, I don't like hearing about how much I was a jackass the night before. I'm a smart kid and I have had it with acting completely out of character when I'm drunk.

Prior to my drunken argument with her, we were talking about spending the rest of our lives together. We talked about having a house in Alexandria, Virginia with a wrap around porch, big backyard, two dogs, and two or three kids. We really both love each other, but obviously I did not make the best decisions when I was drunk around her and she rightfully said we're done and we'll talk about things in November.

As of this moment, I would like to get back together with her but she is not making my decisions about my life. I am in control of that. I want to be sober for me. I want to change my life for me. I've been sick and tired of working 3 jobs just to stay afloat while commuting to Radiologic Technician school 4 days a week. I want an actual life where I feel like I accomplished more than finishing a 36 pack in one weekend.


EDIT: I just realized I made a simple grammatical error in my other post.

When I said "I read that if I want her back I have to change and terminate all communication with her for atleast a month." I meant to say that I need to change myself for good and I need to stop all contact with her for atleast a month.

I am not looking to change for a month and be in the same position again. I want me to change for the better, and if it gets her back it's a plus.

 

[reilo]

I laughed anytime they wrote something to akin to "then she poofs". Ahh.

 

[Shanadeus]

Wow. As someone who's come across a few disappearing women on dating sites, that was a depressing read. So they either meet someone better, or they find me to be intolerably ugly or boring and cant be assed to say (I dont blame them, it would definitely be awkward).. Not sure which is worse lol

Once a girl who was hardly an oil painting herself looked through a few pics of me and literally Im'ed me saying 'lol. good night'. That was an eye opener and i pretty much went through pics of me on a mission to clear out 'bad' ones. fml.

Although i did have to laugh at the finding someone 'too boring' excuse for an online dating site. What are they expecting? Im no expert but Im pretty sure there won't be too many sky diving, bungee jumping, stock car racing, action men on okcupid.

Being boring doesn't mean you're not into those things, it usually means that you just lack passion in your life.
Or if you have a passion for something, it's for something boring.

Is there anything in your life that you truly burn for?

 

[~Kinggi~]

Im really sick and tired of being miserable for so many years. It doesnt help much that this bullshit dating game shit seems so alien and undesirable to me. I need to get wasted and kill myself pronto. I better win the lotto quick.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Being boring doesn't mean you're not into those things, it usually means that you just lack passion in your life.
Or if you have a passion for something, it's for something boring.

Is there anything in your life that you truly burn for?

Sure, outside of working towards getting a better job i'm into sports, keeping fit, spending money on stuff i shouldnt, the usual. I mean, I dont stay in watching star trek all day with the curtains shut. I live on the coast and the beach is a stones throw away. I wouldn't say I was boring and theres always things to do and places to go in the area.

To be honest, I've yet to have a 'bad date'. I was complaining about women 'poofing' in initial starting stages really, like after a few days of texting or messaging or something. Im a guy who likes to get to know someone a bit before going on a date, maybe this is my down fall.. Although, like I said, I've not been on a bad date yet so... if only these girls could somehow resist the charms of other guys for just a few days (painful, i know!)

 

[Mully]

Sure, outside of working towards getting a better job i'm into sports, keeping fit, spending money on stuff i shouldnt, the usual. I mean, I dont stay in watching star trek all day with the curtains shut. I live on the coast and the beach is a stones throw away. I wouldn't say I was boring and theres always things to do and places to go in the area.

To be honest, I've yet to have a 'bad date'. I was complaining about women 'poofing' in initial starting stages really, like after a few days of texting or messaging or something. Im a guy who likes to get to know someone a bit before going on a date, maybe this is my down fall.. Although, like I said, I've not been on a bad date yet so... if only these girls could somehow resist the charms of other guys for just a few days (painful, i know!)

I know I'm probably not in the best situation right now to give advice, but it sounds like you and I are alike. I'm a relationship type of guy and I like to get to know girls before I do anything with them.

I always found the best way to stop a girl from poofing is to start talking to them way before a first date. Just talk to them on Facebook, or over the phone for a while. Once you get to know them pretty well you ask her on a date. To me, they will get to know you pretty well also and it will make the whole thing a bit more exciting since you're essentially hyping the entire situation up. Plus they won't have anything to be unsure about after the date.

 

[jormp-jomp]

Wow, so I just broke up with my girlfriend, which I won't get into (long story). This is my first time being the dumper and I must say.. now that I've done it, i think i'd rather be the one dumped. I feel so guilty even though it was justified and I worry about her. I do not love her anymore but I still care about her. I don't know. She cried and asked me to give her a chance but I held my ground. In my heart I knew we would both be unhappy in the end so I know I'm doing her a favor as well but I hate to hurt people.

That sounds terrible. Was it a long relationship?

 

[lawlohwhat]

Listen. I doubt you saw my other thread. I'm in AA for a multitude of reasons. Of course she is a motivating factor. However, my main reason for going is because I've seen what alcohol can do to people. My Dad's side of the family is full of them and we don't talk to them that much. My mom's ex-friends had the same problems.

I'm 20 years old and I've already ruined a good amount of relationships just based on my actions from a drunken night. Prior to my pledge to stay sober, I didn't drink often but when I did I would become a complete jackass. While there were some fun nights of stupidity, I don't like hearing about how much I was a jackass the night before. I'm a smart kid and I have had it with acting completely out of character when I'm drunk.

Prior to my drunken argument with her, we were talking about spending the rest of our lives together. We talked about having a house in Alexandria, Virginia with a wrap around porch, big backyard, two dogs, and two or three kids. We really both love each other, but obviously I did not make the best decisions when I was drunk around her and she rightfully said we're done and we'll talk about things in November.

As of this moment, I would like to get back together with her but she is not making my decisions about my life. I am in control of that. I want to be sober for me. I want to change my life for me. I've been sick and tired of working 3 jobs just to stay afloat while commuting to Radiologic Technician school 4 days a week. I want an actual life where I feel like I accomplished more than finishing a 36 pack in one weekend.


EDIT: I just realized I made a simple grammatical error in my other post.

When I said "I read that if I want her back I have to change and terminate all communication with her for atleast a month." I meant to say that I need to change myself for good and I need to stop all contact with her for atleast a month.

I am not looking to change for a month and be in the same position again. I want me to change for the better, and if it gets her back it's a plus.

Settle down, this is all coming from a good place. I come from a living situation with an alcoholic who was abusive to myself and my brother, and growing up I learned terrible habits that carried over to my relationships with other people. I thought that drinking and being angry and manipulative was the best way to resolve a conflict and keep relationships together. I was very wrong about that, and it has cost me friendships and romantic relationships with some wonderful people.

You might be a smart kid, but there are a lot of smarter people out there who see through the insecure veneer that makes up abusive behavior. They understand very clearly that there are much deeper issues at stake than a 'drinking problem', and those issues take a long time to resolve. A month of time is simply not enough. I think you're right to look at this as an opportunity to improve yourself, but quite honestly, your posts make you sound like an impatient 20 year old who has just experienced the loss of something that he, for the first time, loved more than himself.

The reality is that there is a statistically high chance that you are not ready to be making decisions regarding marriage, kids, etc at this age and at this stage in your life. That fantasy of the house and the kids and dogs is not real, nor is it something that would make you happy anyway. You have to come to a place where every moment in the here and now is the best moment of your life, and not look toward vague accomplishments in the future as your saving grace. It's important to have goals, but it is also very easy to turn those goals into fetishes and objects of consumption.

I don't mean to sound condescending for the sake of being condescending, and I hope that you take my response as the compliment that it's meant to be. I recognize some of my younger self in what you're saying.

 

[Mully]

You might be a smart kid, but there are a lot of smarter people out there who see through the insecure veneer that makes up abusive behavior. They understand very clearly that there are much deeper issues at stake than a 'drinking problem', and those issues take a long time to resolve. A month of time is simply not enough. I think you're right to look at this as an opportunity to improve yourself, but quite honestly, your posts make you sound like an impatient 20 year old who has just experienced the loss of something that he, for the first time, loved more than himself.

The reality is that there is a statistically high chance that you are not ready to be making decisions regarding marriage, kids, etc at this age and at this stage in your life. That fantasy of the house and the kids and dogs is not real, nor is it something that would make you happy anyway. You have to come to a place where every moment in the here and now is the best moment of your life, and not look toward vague accomplishments in the future as your saving grace. It's important to have goals, but it is also very easy to turn those goals into fetishes and objects of consumption.

I don't mean to sound condescending for the sake of being condescending, and I hope that you take my response as the compliment that it's meant to be. I recognize some of my younger self in what you're saying.

Totally agree with everything you said man. I know you mean well.

I know I have a lot more baggage than a drinking problem. I know that I'm still frustrated that I'm really not allowed to play the sport I love at the level I used to anymore. I know I hold things inside a lot and let them fester inside of me until I am drunk. I know I dwell on the past too much. I know I have to fix those things, plus many more, plus my drinking problem before I can make any type of substantial gains any where else in my life, including my situation with her.

I'm not expecting to get back together in November. I want to, but I really don't think it would be healthy at this point. A month is way too early to really tackle these issues and I know we'd be back at square one again a few months later. I want to be in a healthy relationship again. I also know that all those fantasies are nothing more than that, even when we were together. It was really fun to talk about, but I know that they truly nothing more than that. I do love her more than I ever have myself. She meant the world to me, but believe me, I am not selfish.

 

[Snakeyes]

Don't seriously start thinking about having kids at 20 years old.

 

[Mully]

Don't seriously start thinking about having kids at 20 years old.

Ha ha. When we talked about it, it wouldn't have been until our 30's, but at this point I'm more worried with my own issues.

 

[-PXG-]

Don't seriously start thinking about having kids at 20 years old.

I know. I'm 22 and I could give a fuck about kids. That shit ain't on my mind. Right now, I'm concerend about getting my life on track and having fun.

Oh, unrelated, I cannot stress how important it is to make a girl laugh. Making her laugh, makes her happy. Being happy will make her more comfortable with you and want to be around you more.

Don't force it. Timing and delivery are crucial. Be genuine. Try not to be gross or offensive, or at least, not so soon.

 

[CF_Fighter]

Wow, haven't been in this thread in weeks it feels like. Anyway I might be going out with a couple who are close friends and then a group of girls the female in the couple plays flag football with, if their babysitter comes through. Then Sunday I'll be going to their game where my same friend is going to introduce me to this one girl who I had my eye on a couple weeks ago and asked about. This couple is the same one who really helped bring my self-esteem back up over the last year and were instrumental in helping me get back into the dating world, so they have the best intentions for me.

 

[Attackthebase]

Wow, haven't been in this thread in weeks it feels like. Anyway I might be going out with a couple who are close friends and then a group of girls the female in the couple plays flag football with, if their babysitter comes through. Then Sunday I'll be going to their game where my same friend is going to introduce me to this one girl who I had my eye on a couple weeks ago and asked about. This couple is the same one who really helped bring my self-esteem back up over the last year and were instrumental in helping me get back into the dating world, so they have the best intentions for me.

I expect a motivating story on Thursday. This story better inspire me and Ryan to get off our asses and score some chicks. Then, we'll hang out with some wine glasses bitching about them, along with us bitching about Star Wars.

 

[low-G]

So I just want to give everyone here a piece of advice that so far is working wonders for me. That is chatting the hell out of friends, male and female, while the girl I'm dating I text as rarely as once a day.

Yeah I think she's into me, but the key is if I wasn't getting a lot of my socialization needs met from just 'friends' I'd probably be coming off as really needy. I text her and if she's at work and takes 5 hours to reply that's cool. Then when she gets off we might text some more.

I noticed some of my friends do this too. Both me and them are talking more with each other than the people we're dating or in a relationship with.

Don't scoff at the value of friends, even friends of the opposite sex.

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

Something I saw that I thought I'd pass along since a few people have mentioned it before. Real Reasons Women Go "Poof"

There's a lot of reasons a girl may not email you back on a dating site, or friend you on Facebook, or not text you back, or whatever. Don't stress over it.

Good read, good advice. You can do everything right and still have a girl wig out, so it's best not to be concerned about the outcome and just enjoy the ride.

 

[soultron]

Was having a nice, easy-going conversation with this cute girl on the bus today. Was going to ask for her number. Then she mentioned she dated NHL hockey players (4 so far) and got cheated on by all of them. I don't know whether or not she was bragging about dating professional hockey players or how she dated 4 when she's only 20, but the fact that she brought up exes at all during our first conversation totally fucked things over for her. I was so disinterested at that point that I just said, "Nice meeting you, see you around sometime," and then walked off as she was collecting her bags.

Onto the next one.

Met this amazingly cute girl at school today, so I'm good. She seems wicked so I'm gonna see where that goes.

 

[kid ness]

In my opinion, it's really not.

kid ness: you're doing fine. I would've skipped out on the "I had a great time" bit, but if the girl's truly interested, she'll come back at you with a time that works. If not, she's not interested (or interested enough) for things to happen. Don't stress and don't ask again.

Thanks for the advice man. In the future, how should I convey wanting to meet up again without using the "I had a great time" cliche?

 

[soultron]

Thanks for the advice man. In the future, how should I convey wanting to meet up again without using the "I had a great time" cliche?

Just propose a meet up, straight out. "Hey, let's ____ on Tuesday! It'll be fun!" Whatever you really need to say just to get within arm's reach again.

 

[hookedonritalin]

So I've been single for about two months and I was enjoying it up until a week ago.

My last relationship was great, which involved dating a girl from my program during the summer. Both of us came to realize we had a ton in common, had great chemistry, yada-yada. Before the school year began, we agreed to end it for political reasons - I was going to be her teaching assistant for a class. Ultimately, it ended on really good terms, even leaving it potentially open when the job's done by the end of this semester.

I've been enjoying the single life a lot since then. I've dated quite a few women and it didn't take long for me to move on. But up until a week ago, I learned she's been dating somebody who tried to get with her when we were together. It's been messing with my head, mainly because we had such a great time together. That, and I also see her a lot still at school, so given the circumstances, its been difficult to just accept things and move on. Generally, I feel pretty stupid for reacting so vulnerably to all this.

Honestly, I just want to be at peace and continue enjoying my single life. I'm in my last year of university and intend on making the most out of it, so I don't want to be wrangled by this any longer. Gentlemen, any sound advice?

 

[Eggo]

So I just want to give everyone here a piece of advice that so far is working wonders for me. That is chatting the hell out of friends, male and female, while the girl I'm dating I text as rarely as once a day.

Yeah I think she's into me, but the key is if I wasn't getting a lot of my socialization needs met from just 'friends' I'd probably be coming off as really needy. I text her and if she's at work and takes 5 hours to reply that's cool. Then when she gets off we might text some more.

I noticed some of my friends do this too. Both me and them are talking more with each other than the people we're dating or in a relationship with.

Don't scoff at the value of friends, even friends of the opposite sex.

This is good advice. I follow a similar philosophy, even though I hadn't thought about it that way. I look at it as staying balanced. There's more to me than my gf, so it's important that I maintain my friendships, and I have a lot of them. Keeps me grounded.

 

[TheVampire]

So I just had this first date thing today with a girl.
We went to some expo thing in the city which was pretty cool.
All about tvshows,movies,games and anime plus had some actors there.

When I saw her in person she was a bit shorter and fatter that I was hoping for.
Not a deal breaker but damn I want a tall slim one.
I allways get the almost considered fat bit short ones so I wasnt feeling any attraction to her even though we like the exact same things.

Dunno If I should proceed with her or not.

 

[Dreavus]

So I just had this first date thing today with a girl.
We went to some expo thing in the city which was pretty cool.
All about tvshows,movies,games and anime plus had some actors there.

When I saw her in person she was a bit shorter and fatter that I was hoping for.
Not a deal breaker but damn I want a tall slim one.
I allways get the almost considered fat bit short ones so I wasnt feeling any attraction to her even though we like the exact same things.

Dunno If I should proceed with her or not.

I'm inclined to say "don't settle", but in the end it's up to you.

 

[dvolovets]

Update: Concert was amazing; the music was great and we were vibing off each other pretty well -- we both had a great time. We went to the concert on Sunday and hadn't had much conversation since, but we did already make plans before the night ended to go to this awesome chinese takeout place in town.

She's really busy with dance school -- I had texted her back on Monday (she initiated) and hadn't got a response so I figured it was now or never. I sent a text saying "Hey I had a lot of fun the other night. There's this awesome pizza place I've been meaning to go back to for a while either Saturday afternoon or Monday night, lemme know if you'd want to come, I think it'd be a good time."

I get a text back pretty soon saying, "Hey, sorry I haven't been responding, I've been very busy with school etc, I'd love to go. Just let me know what time"

So I texted back a time and she said she'd be in school then, and with my next message which I'm pretty sure I screwed up with, I told her just let me know when she'd be free. I know the ball's now in her court -- I just didn't want to play the guessing game to determine when she was free. Needless to say, that was three hours ago and I haven't gotten a response. GAF, should I be worrying?

I know that all of us do this to some extent, but it's such a waste of time... and often, things like this don't mean what we think they do. I am terrible with texting and can sometimes take an entire day to get back to somebody. Doesn't mean I'm not interested in the person, it's just a combination of being busy and having an aversion to texting. At the end of the day, you can't guess what the other person is thinking or doing -- best to just see how things turn out and go from there.

 

[The Elite]

Was having a nice, easy-going conversation with this cute girl on the bus today. Was going to ask for her number. Then she mentioned she dated NHL hockey players (4 so far) and got cheated on by all of them. I don't know whether or not she was bragging about dating professional hockey players or how she dated 4 when she's only 20, but the fact that she brought up exes at all during our first conversation totally fucked things over for her. I was so disinterested at that point that I just said, "Nice meeting you, see you around sometime," and then walked off as she was collecting her bags.

Onto the next one.

Met this amazingly cute girl at school today, so I'm good. She seems wicked so I'm gonna see where that goes.

Yeah, that would have really messed things up with me too.

 

[Attackthebase]

So I just had this first date thing today with a girl.
We went to some expo thing in the city which was pretty cool.
All about tvshows,movies,games and anime plus had some actors there.

When I saw her in person she was a bit shorter and fatter that I was hoping for.
Not a deal breaker but damn I want a tall slim one.
I allways get the almost considered fat bit short ones so I wasnt feeling any attraction to her even though we like the exact same things.

Dunno If I should proceed with her or not.

A woman being fat/overweight would be a major deal-breaker. But, I'll say the typical thing, don't settle. If you aren't attracted to her, then don't date her, friend-zone her.

 

[Minamu]

Did I screw up? There's a new girl in town who I've met two or three times at parties over the last few weeks. She always shines up with a huge smile and waves when she sees me. Normally I wouldn't put much weight on that but this is a really warm smile for someone you barely know. Anyway, last Sunday we meet outside our respective houses while I'm on my way to my gym and I get the same warm smile and greeting as usual (she was on the phone so we couldn't talk). Later when I get home, she wants to be my friend on facebook and we talk for a few minutes. Of course, I'm a bit curious, so I ask her how come she adds me now of all opportunities, and she says that I came up as a friend suggestion mere moments after we had met earlier outside, and I jokingly note that that is quite some odd coincidence and suggest in a cocky/disturbed manner that it might be fate-related. I think it was pretty clear I was just kidding around, and yet I haven't heard a word in a week since then xD Not even a response to a party invite I sent her for tonight. Did I take it to a serious level too fast or something?

I'm not even that interested (or attached to the outcome at least) nor do I know if she's worthy either for that matter (or even if she's single). In the end I told her I had to go study (which was true) so I couldn't stick around but that she was welcome to contact me again later. Surely, that isn't being too available? I effectively ditched her for a boring technical book about the human brain xD

My memory is a bit hazy though. I'm pretty sure I met her and one of her friends in school after this and she appeared just as warm and inviting as ever. Others have not recieved messages on the facebook chat so maybe it's just broken? :S

 

[Calion]

I know. I'm 22 and I could give a fuck about kids. That shit ain't on my mind. Right now, I'm concerend about getting my life on track and having fun.

Oh, unrelated, I cannot stress how important it is to make a girl laugh. Making her laugh, makes her happy. Being happy will make her more comfortable with you and want to be around you more.

Don't force it. Timing and delivery are crucial. Be genuine. Try not to be gross or offensive, or at least, not so soon.

This needs to be said more. As soon as you genuinely make her laugh, she'll feel incredibly comfortable towards you.

 

[Dilly]

And it feels good too.

 

[Minamu]

This needs to be said more. As soon as you genuinely make her laugh, she'll feel incredibly comfortable towards you.

also, this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNuBi8AwM_Q&feature=related

 

[Etrian Oddity]

And it feels good too.

For sure, there's a great feeling that stirs inside you when you can visibly and audibly see how you can bring that kind of joy to someone.

Despite this, making girls laugh hasn't done anything to improve my chances. But it still feels good.

 

[kid ness]

Just propose a meet up, straight out. "Hey, let's ____ on Tuesday! It'll be fun!" Whatever you really need to say just to get within arm's reach again.

Thanks, I'll give that a go next time.

I know that all of us do this to some extent, but it's such a waste of time... and often, things like this don't mean what we think they do. I am terrible with texting and can sometimes take an entire day to get back to somebody. Doesn't mean I'm not interested in the person, it's just a combination of being busy and having an aversion to texting. At the end of the day, you can't guess what the other person is thinking or doing -- best to just see how things turn out and go from there.

Sound advice, thanks man!

 

[duk]

i just flew to texas to spend time with a girl i met 2 years ago on fb lulz

 

[Eggo]

Did I screw up? There's a new girl in town who I've met two or three times at parties over the last few weeks. She always shines up with a huge smile and waves when she sees me. Normally I wouldn't put much weight on that but this is a really warm smile for someone you barely know. Anyway, last Sunday we meet outside our respective houses while I'm on my way to my gym and I get the same warm smile and greeting as usual (she was on the phone so we couldn't talk). Later when I get home, she wants to be my friend on facebook and we talk for a few minutes. Of course, I'm a bit curious, so I ask her how come she adds me now of all opportunities, and she says that I came up as a friend suggestion mere moments after we had met earlier outside, and I jokingly note that that is quite some odd coincidence and suggest in a cocky/disturbed manner that it might be fate-related. I think it was pretty clear I was just kidding around, and yet I haven't heard a word in a week since then xD Not even a response to a party invite I sent her for tonight. Did I take it to a serious level too fast or something?

I'm not even that interested (or attached to the outcome at least) nor do I know if she's worthy either for that matter (or even if she's single). In the end I told her I had to go study (which was true) so I couldn't stick around but that she was welcome to contact me again later. Surely, that isn't being too available? I effectively ditched her for a boring technical book about the human brain xD

My memory is a bit hazy though. I'm pretty sure I met her and one of her friends in school after this and she appeared just as warm and inviting as ever. Others have not recieved messages on the facebook chat so maybe it's just broken? :S

For someone who is "not attached to the outcome," you are too attached to the outcome. You wrote a 3 paragraph post beginning with "Did I screw up?" in which you question your actions and whether Facebook is broken or not. If you truly weren't attached to the outcome, this girl would be one of five who you're interested in, and you wouldn't bother to write up a post like this because you genuinely don't care whether she calls you back or not because you have other options. It sounds like you're lacking choices.

 

[-PXG-]

i just flew to texas to spend time with a girl i met 2 years ago on fb lulz

And....

What happened?

 

[Subtervotion]

So I know I've seen some talk about it on here before, but I'm wondering what is the best 'kind' of message to send on okcupid?

Short and to the point is obvious. I want to mention that I like X and Y on her profile. Is there something else I should add?

 

[Jamesfrom818]

I approach messaging girls on OkCupid the same way I'd talk to them in real life. Notice one thing about them and talk with them about it. Retelling your life story, why you like so and so and why you think you'd be a good match is a quick way to get your shit ignored.

 

[Spacebar]

Went out last night and got rejected a lot. Feels good man. lol Something was off though. I was out with one of my co workers who is lesbian. She has the typical short hair cut and wears loose jeans with men's collar shirts. I even had a few people ask me why I was with her. I don't know if having her helped or hurt my chances, but I needed to not worry about what others think. It just sucks when people make the quick judgement and dismiss you right away.

It was also a bad night for dancing. Usually after happy hour the dance floor fills up. Last night it was close to 10:30 and hardly anyone was dancing. This was the first time I've ever been there with no one on the dance floor. When this happened I fucking froze. I basically sat there with my drink my hand looking around like a lost kid at a the park. It can get hard to keep up the energy to speak to people after being blown out of so many sets so quickly.

My other issue was my voice doesn't carry very well in the clubs especially with a DJ playing. I was born with a cleft palette and I have trouble breathing through my nose. Sometimes if my sinus acts up I can sound like Steve Urkel or some shit. Shit pisses me off when I feel like I'm almost yelling at the girl just so she can hear me. I also have a hard time judging how loud I am because of some hearing loss in my right ear. Maybe next time I'll just try smaller bars or clubs with an area where you can't hear the DJ.

Later that evening my friend was pretty trashed so I had to look out for her and make sure she didn't get arrested for drunk in public. I didn't mind since I was starting to sober up and I was getting tired. We went to a 2nd club that was even more dead than the first and I got some waters to help sober us up. This club was the wackest club I've ever seen. It just had a handful of girls dancing on stage and dudes looking up at them the entire time. Guys aren't allowed to dance on the stage so it's fucking pointless to go there if you can't even mingle because every girl is in a restricted area.

I'll just chalk this one up as a loss and move on to the next day. Hope you guys have better luck this weekend!

 

[Etrian Oddity]

I'm terrible at the club scene, haha. I just get too uptight in those venues and never approach girls because I can't think of anything witty (and generic approaches are total failures in an environment like that).

 

[TurboLibre]

I'm terrible at the club scene, haha. I just get too uptight in those venues and never approach girls because I can't think of anything witty (and generic approaches are total failures in an environment like that).

Yeah, I don't like anything about the typical bars/clubs. It's crowded, the music is so loud you can't talk to anyone without yelling at the top of your lungs, I can buy a six pack of beer for the price of a single drink, and it takes over ten minutes to order each round. The environment is supposed to be social but the music and atmosphere make it one of the loneliest places I've ever been. There are like, no redeeming qualities. I've had way too many bad experiences at bars though, so maybe I have a skewed opinion.

 

[Attackthebase]

People start dancing before 11? Every club I've been to rarely have many people on the dance floor before 11:00. Though, the clubs don't open up until 10:00 over in Tampa.

 

[Spacebar]

Yeah, I don't like anything about the typical bars/clubs. It's crowded, the music is so loud you can't talk to anyone without yelling at the top of your lungs, I can buy a six pack of beer for the price of a single drink, and it takes over ten minutes to order each round. The environment is supposed to be social but the music and atmosphere make it one of the loneliest places I've ever been. There are like, no redeeming qualities. I've had way too many bad experiences at bars though, so maybe I have a skewed opinion.

Yea, I can see where people get this opinion from. Last night that's how it felt for me. I have also gone out and had the time of my life and met lots of cool random people. It really is hit or miss for the most part. The best thing about it is that it gives you the opportunity to talk to lots of people in a short amount of time.

Then if you can get on the dance floor it's so easy to escalate kino and start to vibe with a girl. I think the best option is to go with a big group of people if you can. This gives you multiple conversations to have within that group and can come back anytime. Plus you have more moral support trying to talk to girls.

The thing is you never know when you go out if it's going to be a good or bad night. All you can do is look at it as an opportunity and take your chances.

People start dancing before 11? Every club I've been to rarely have many people on the dance floor before 11:00. Though, the clubs don't open up until 10:00 over in Tampa.

Happy hour is from 8pm-9pm so usually after an hour after happy hour is when people start to creep on the floor because they're blasted.

Next week is the VA Comic Con though so maybe I'll meet some cute comic nerd girls.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

Yea, I can see where people get this opinion from. Last night that's how it felt for me. I have also gone out and had the time of my life and met lots of cool random people. It really is hit or miss for the most part. The best thing about it is that it gives you the opportunity to talk to lots of people in a short amount of time.

Then if you can get on the dance floor it's so easy to escalate kino and start to vibe with a girl. I think the best option is to go with a big group of people if you can. This gives you multiple conversations to have within that group and can come back anytime. Plus you have more moral support trying to talk to girls.

The thing is you never know when you go out if it's going to be a good or bad night. All you can do is look at it as an opportunity and take your chances.

So true. Generally I find that I have the most fun when it's just my boys and I chilling in the club/bar (although they chill because they already are taken...). It is hit or miss but I can't say I genuinely have bad nights out, which is a good thing.

And you're right on the dance floor bit, but I don't have the confidence to pull that off right now lol. I can't do most dances and even if it's just the bump 'n grind I don't have the balls to dance with a girl, lately.

But I've rediscovered Courage Wolf, who is inspiring me to achieve greatness.

My favorite meme.

 

[Spacebar]

Courage Wolf pics

haha These are great. You need to print this out and put it by your bathroom mirror. That way when you wake up and get ready for the day you have Courage Wolf to motivate you.

 

[Slayer-33]

haha These are great. You need to print this out and put it by your bathroom mirror. That way when you wake up and get ready for the day you have Courage Wolf to motivate you.

Fucking awesome lol

 

[Mully]

I just got invited by one of my teammates to go to his house for a party tonight. I don't know what to do. I'm sick as a dog right now. Earlier while at work I was coughing up blood and mucus, but I just want to go out and have a good time just to forget about her and bond with my buddies.

Any advice?

BTW, I am not drinking tonight or any other night.

 

[Blader]

I just got invited by one of my teammates to go to his house for a party tonight. I don't know what to do. I'm sick as a dog right now. Earlier while at work I was coughing up blood and mucus, but I just want to go out and have a good time just to forget about her and bond with my buddies.

Any advice?

BTW, I am not drinking tonight or any other night.

uh...if you're coughing up blood, why are you not seeing a doctor instead of doing anything else?

 

[Mully]

uh...if you're coughing up blood, why are you not seeing a doctor instead of doing anything else?

I did Friday. I just want to go out and have a good time to forget about her. Is it worth it?