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[radioheadrule83]

There's nothing misogynistic about what he said there, it wasn't a commentary on women but a commentary on changing societal values - you acknowledge attitudes to marriage have changed yourself. Personally, I think he's just venting, but he's partly on the money. The truth is somewhere between what he said and what -PXG- said at the top of the last page (for 100 page per view users) -

I worked really hard, improving myself, learning how to love myself and looking at what I did wrong and knowing how to set realistic expectations.

I find that kind of talk really condescending personally, the "work hard and improve yourself" message in particular - as though people aren't. Advising people to look at what they did wrong is pretty abhorrent to me as well... they should be aware of themselves and able to analyse a relationship in hindsight, and own any mistakes, but we shouldn't start from the assumption that they did anything wrong. In the end, attitudes like BigDug13's might seem angry or bitter, but he's found places in the world that suit his expectation of relationships better, and it sounds as though - through experience - he has steeled himself against the heartbreak that emotional involvement can bring. Sounds to me like he's set some realistic expectations a la -PXG-'s advice.

The best way to find happiness in my view, is to not give a fuck about anyone until you do. And I don't mean don't be a nice guy, I mean just try and ignore that part of the ego that cares about whether you are in or a relationship or not, don't let that fool you into caring too much about someone before you should. She doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There are a million things more prohibitive to a happy life than relationship woes with the opposite sex. For me, my ills are work related, and in some respects - recession related. I can't improve my situation overnight, which is frustrating, but I'm working at that and trying to do things I enjoy, and enjoy the time I have with friends and anyone who *would* like to hang out with me. Its pointless trying to 'win' your way into the affections of people who show no interest in knowing you.

 

[-PXG-]

I never implied that anyone isn't trying to improve themselves.

 

[radioheadrule83]

Sorry I was more confrontational than I intended to be there... I know you weren't being condescending, and to the contrary, you're giving good, well meaning advice to be fair - I just meant that I've heard that kind of thing before and that's often how it makes me feel, and I wouldn't want anyone to take your post to heart. It's frustrating to hear something/someone implying you're just not trying hard enough... not that you said / implied that, but people who are struggling / wounded / self-loathing could certainly read it that way.

 

[BigDug13]

You think 'success' is found in a stable marriage, which is not an opinion that many young people share anymore. I have plenty of problems with American culture, but you're meeting the wrong girls dude.

This probably won't get through to you, but your posts here have been full of the same trite, misogynistic, bullshit that I've heard countless times, and I think that if you address whatever anger is driving that attitude you'll find more 'success' with American women.

Have you ever lived outside of the US? Have you ever experienced the attitude of women in other nations? You think I'm still trying to find success with American women? What you don't understand is that my entire point is that American women aren't worth the trouble because there are better available women in the world. I prefer to find success where success is more attainable and happiness is more assured.

My point is that I'm not angry anymore because I had the epiphany that there is a cultural problem that has been developing in the US.

I've served in the Navy for 17 years and I'm 37 years old. I've never been married and I have no children. I've had 3 girlfriends my entire life, with 2 being in high school and 1 being in Japan...so basically after high school, I had no success for the next 21 years. You read my posts as coming from a place of anger, but in reality it's coming from a place of realization.

I'll be receiving a pension the rest of my life starting next year. I don't plan on living in the US ever again. That has been my way to try to change my fortunes. The culture of the US is toxic for relationships IMO. A 50% success rate is some poor odds to place your love-life into.

 

[Cubsfan23]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Go8l1PrVC9I#t=186s

 

[Fisticuffs]

Have you ever lived outside of the US? Have you ever experienced the attitude of women in other nations? You think I'm still trying to find success with American women? What you don't understand is that my entire point is that American women aren't worth the trouble because there are better available women in the world. I prefer to find success where success is more attainable and happiness is more assured.

My point is that I'm not angry anymore because I had the epiphany that there is a cultural problem that has been developing in the US.

I've served in the Navy for 17 years and I'm 37 years old. I've never been married and I have no children. I've had 3 girlfriends my entire life, with 2 being in high school and 1 being in Japan...so basically after high school, I had no success for the next 21 years. You read my posts as coming from a place of anger, but in reality it's coming from a place of realization.

I'll be receiving a pension the rest of my life starting next year. I don't plan on living in the US ever again. That has been my way to try to change my fortunes. The culture of the US is toxic for relationships IMO. A 50% success rate is some poor odds to place your love-life into.

Oh sure blame an entire country on your lack of success. Good luck wherever you go buddy loool

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Gaf....I need help badly. My girlfriend dumped me twice in the course of 5 days.

Wednesday - dumps me and doesn't talk to me
Thursday - goes out with this guy and her girlfriends and she eventually texts me 35 times and leaves me 20 voicemails. she looked around the parking lot for my car and ran to my dorm to come find me.
Friday - we eat lunch together and decide that we'd get back together but go slow and work on our problems.
Saturday - didn't see each other due to family, but she wanted to spend the night sunday, said she never wanted me to let go of her, shed love me forever and always
Sunday- dumped me because over the course of the year+ we dated I treated her like shit, it was never about her, etc. Saw her hug the same guy that she went out with thursday

I can't eat at all. Any girl I see on campus looks like her. I'm brought to tears every hour and she's all I think about. Her friend told me that she doesn't want anything to do with me....I just don't know what to do...she completely changed over the course of a couple days. She blamed me for not changing fast enough, but she said that we would both go slow to get better.

It sucks living on campus now because she's only a 5 minute walk away. I want to throw up any time I imagine her with another guy.

I think that she doesn't know what she wants, and she wants to explore. Part of me just hopes that she'll realize that I am a one in a million guy.

I'm hanging out with my friends more...spent the last couple nights sleeping on their couch. Worked out and played raquetball today with them. Doing more drinking than usual, but nothing as bad as blacking out. I went to go see a university counselor to talk about it, but she was confused about how she acted too. Idk. I'm trying to keep active and be with my buddies but it's just so hard because we were best friends.

If anyone could please help me out....I'd really appreciate it guys

 

[Fisticuffs]

Gaf....I need help badly. My girlfriend dumped me twice in the course of 5 days.

Wednesday - dumps me and doesn't talk to me
Thursday - goes out with this guy and her girlfriends and she eventually texts me 35 times and leaves me 20 voicemails. she looked around the parking lot for my car and ran to my dorm to come find me.
Friday - we eat lunch together and decide that we'd get back together but go slow and work on our problems.
Saturday - didn't see each other due to family, but she wanted to spend the night sunday, said she never wanted me to let go of her, shed love me forever and always
Sunday- dumped me because over the course of the year+ we dated I treated her like shit, it was never about her, etc. Saw her hug the same guy that she went out with thursday

I can't eat at all. Any girl I see on campus looks like her. I'm brought to tears every hour and she's all I think about. Her friend told me that she doesn't want anything to do with me....I just don't know what to do...she completely changed over the course of a couple days. She blamed me for not changing fast enough, but she said that we would both go slow to get better.

It sucks living on campus now because she's only a 5 minute walk away. I want to throw up any time I imagine her with another guy.

I think that she doesn't know what she wants, and she wants to explore. Part of me just hopes that she'll realize that I am a one in a million guy.

I'm hanging out with my friends more...spent the last couple nights sleeping on their couch. Worked out and played raquetball today with them. Doing more drinking than usual, but nothing as bad as blacking out. I went to go see a university counselor to talk about it, but she was confused about how she acted too. Idk. I'm trying to keep active and be with my buddies but it's just so hard because we were best friends.

If anyone could please help me out....I'd really appreciate it guys

it's gonna be tough, and youll be heart broken for a while, but it will get better. Here's some advice.. do NOT get back together with her if she changes her mind. Never speak to her again.

 

[grap3fruitman]

If anyone could please help me out....I'd really appreciate it guys

She's crazy and you're dumb. Something's gotta give and it'd probably be in your best interests to stop thinking about her.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

it's gonna be tough, and youll be heart broken for a while, but it will get better. Here's some advice.. do NOT get back together with her if she changes her mind. Never speak to her again.

Idk man....I just wish someone could just tell me step by step what i have to do you know? there was no closure or anything. it felt so perfect and i'm trying to think of all the negatives but its so hard to when all i want is to be with her.

 

[Dreavus]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Go8l1PrVC9I#t=186s

cubsfan posting a video that's not Brent's advice?

does not compute. *fizzle*

 

[jamesinclair]

Say you date a girl for 2 years or so.

Saw you break up with said girl. (Or said girl dumps you)

How much time later is it abnormal to still think of this person occasionally?

That is, 6 months after breakup, youre writing something on the computer, and you suddenly start thinking about her. Normal?

9 months?
1 year?
18 months?
2 years?

At which point does it become....wrong?

 

[-ImaginaryInsider]

Say you date a girl for 2 years or so.

Saw you break up with said girl. (Or said girl dumps you)

How much time later is it abnormal to still think of this person occasionally?

That is, 6 months after breakup, youre writing something on the computer, and you suddenly start thinking about her. Normal?

9 months?
1 year?
18 months?
2 years?

At which point does it become....wrong?

It usually takes me about half the time I was with someone to get over them and be functional (aka ready to date again). If you really loved the person and it was serious, it can be years before get them out of your head completely, it's been two years and my ex still pops into my head in certain instances...but I don't love her anymore.

It only becomes unhealthy if you dwell on it, you can't help what pops into your head, but you can stop yourself from continuing to think about it. Once you meet another worthwhile girl it becomes much easier to forget about your ex.

 

[Shouta]

Idk man....I just wish someone could just tell me step by step what i have to do you know? there was no closure or anything. it felt so perfect and i'm trying to think of all the negatives but its so hard to when all i want is to be with her.

You're going to ned to take your mind off of her and do things that require your full attention to do, at least that's that I think. The less room you have to think about her, the more likely you won't and when you do, it may not be as bad.

Also, I'd personally recommend "breaking up with her" if you can do it What I mean is that rather than being the person being dumped and feeling all hopeles, cut ties yourself and be the one to walk away. It won't feel as bad because you made a resolution to do it yourself rather than being carried down river by the current. I don't really mean literally unless you can but you've gotta convince yourself you did, if you don't plan on getting back with her.

 

[Megidolaon]

Oh sure blame an entire country on your lack of success. Good luck wherever you go buddy loool

Well, I think he has a point. At least in my experience, Americans in general have become very selfish and self-centered. The culture promotes this and it has a huge impact on people's mindsets. I don't think he's exaggerating for a moment that Americans, male or female, are difficult to form lasting relationships with. I happen to think it's because people think too much about themselves. A pretty harsh generalization it may sound like, but I see it everywhere and my experiences with the opposite gender reflect this as well. I'm honestly not sure how it is in other countries, but what he's saying doesn't surprise me.

It just feels like most people are concerned with their own gratification and little else. They're looking for a relationship to make them happy, boost their ego, and satisfy their needs. As soon as it's no longer satisfying to them, it's over. They're very out-of-touch with how the other person feels. Not everyone is like this, but many, many people are. Maybe the American lifestyle has spoiled people and made them unable to look beyond themselves. Especially my own younger generation. I dunno.

All I know is the dating scene here is pretty ugly from my point-of-view. I'm not a fan of the hook up culture or modern college dating mentality.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

Got my first award from OkCupid. Didn't think I cared but its kinda cool

 

[Dilly]

Had a great time last night, went to a bar and talked there for about 5 hours about a lot of things.

So I guess I should text her today saying I had a good time and all that, right?

 

[Minamu]

Cubsfan23: Your video links usually start right in the middle of a sentence, just so you know (not that it's hard to rewind or anything) Good stuff as always.

 

[Rei_Toei]

Gaf....I need help badly. My girlfriend dumped me twice in the course of 5 days.

Wednesday - dumps me and doesn't talk to me
Thursday - goes out with this guy and her girlfriends and she eventually texts me 35 times and leaves me 20 voicemails. she looked around the parking lot for my car and ran to my dorm to come find me.
Friday - we eat lunch together and decide that we'd get back together but go slow and work on our problems.
Saturday - didn't see each other due to family, but she wanted to spend the night sunday, said she never wanted me to let go of her, shed love me forever and always
Sunday- dumped me because over the course of the year+ we dated I treated her like shit, it was never about her, etc. Saw her hug the same guy that she went out with thursday

I can't eat at all. Any girl I see on campus looks like her. I'm brought to tears every hour and she's all I think about. Her friend told me that she doesn't want anything to do with me....I just don't know what to do...she completely changed over the course of a couple days. She blamed me for not changing fast enough, but she said that we would both go slow to get better.

It sucks living on campus now because she's only a 5 minute walk away. I want to throw up any time I imagine her with another guy.

I think that she doesn't know what she wants, and she wants to explore. Part of me just hopes that she'll realize that I am a one in a million guy.

I'm hanging out with my friends more...spent the last couple nights sleeping on their couch. Worked out and played raquetball today with them. Doing more drinking than usual, but nothing as bad as blacking out. I went to go see a university counselor to talk about it, but she was confused about how she acted too. Idk. I'm trying to keep active and be with my buddies but it's just so hard because we were best friends.

If anyone could please help me out....I'd really appreciate it guys

I think you're pretty much already doing the right thing. Tough as it is, now's really the time to keep yourself occupied. Panta rhei dude, everything is moving all the time. Try to focus on something big you can work towards to in the somewhat near future.

I can relate all too well. Had a relationship (lasted close to 2 years, record for me) crash and burn in the blink of an eye late last summer. Every now and then it still hits me like a bus and it sucks. But I'm working my ass off currently, saving up for a three month holiday on the other side of the world, and I literally have no idea what'll happens next, but it feels good. It's cliche as fuck I guess, but save up, work out, work your ass off, read books, watch movies, play games, socialize, get wasted - whatever keeps you away from living your life like a song from a Nationals CD

 

[Coeliacus]

Say you date a girl for 2 years or so.

Saw you break up with said girl. (Or said girl dumps you)

How much time later is it abnormal to still think of this person occasionally?

That is, 6 months after breakup, youre writing something on the computer, and you suddenly start thinking about her. Normal?

9 months?
1 year?
18 months?
2 years?

At which point does it become....wrong?

Last girl who broke it off with me was a three month relationship that ended in May. I think about her less these days, but it still hurts to think of her. I don't think there really is a set amount of time.

Got my first award from OkCupid. Didn't think I cared but its kinda cool

Can you explain this to me? How does it work and what does it do? Is this what the rating system is? I thought it was just a passive way in which girls are trying to get my attention.

 

[BigDug13]

http://www.rooshv.com/the-hypocrisy-of-american-feminism

 

[Tenks]

http://www.rooshv.com/the-hypocrisy-of-american-feminism

That was one of the dumbest most misguided things I have ever read

 

[daviyoung]

http://www.rooshv.com/the-hypocrisy-of-american-feminism

Wow. And you believe this crap?

 

[Orgen]

Had a weird/crazy Halloween party last night.

Crazy because I was hit more than usual (3-4 girls/women, nothing to brag about) and weird because I chickened out of making out with one of the women that were "hitting" me.

The situation: I went to a club with 5 friends (all males). Inside I was dancing and two girls were staring at us. One of my friend then tells me that they were staring at me because I was wearing a ring, so (jokingly) I hide it in my pocket. Then one of the girls approach me and tells me that I'm a bad person because I was hiding my ring hoping that nobody thought that I was married/engaged. So I tell her that I'm not married or engaged and that the ring was a gift from a friend (the truth) but she doesn't believe me and keeps telling me I'm a bad person and, for her, married/engaged people are "untouchable". Then me not wanting to hear that bullshit and in full douchebag mode told her "ok, then don't touch me please" (she was grabbing my arm) and went for a drink.

30-40 minutes later and this two girls are talking and laughing with my 5 friends while I'm dancing near them. One of my friends then tells me that this girl keeps asking things about me and telling everyone that she doesn't mind if I'm married or engaged (WTF) but one of my friends then tells her that I'm gay (yeah, another lie but my friends are like this) so she keeps staring at me but with another look. Anyway I keep dancing (or moving like an idiot) and then one Russian woman (35-40 years) dressed as a demon appears in front of me. Blonde, crystal blue eyes (probably contacts but I love blue eyes with blonde hair) and a stare that petrified me.

Then she grabs my ass and starts licking my neck from the ear to the chest (I wore a shirt unbuttoned till the chest) while I'm like a statue. She then goes down slowly (still grabbing my ass) and keeps dancing/grinding with my lower body (ehem). I regain conscience and think "fuck, when she gets up I'm going to eat her mouth like there's no tomorrow" but then I looked at my friends and... well... (weird thing incoming) I lost all my will to make out with this woman.

I don't know why but looking at my 5 friends and the 2 girls from before killed my boner faster than John Rambo in a Korean restaurant. Half of the club was looking at us (I don't give a crap about them) but my 5 friends were cheering, looking for their cellphones to take pictures/videos, laughing and the two girls were wearing a WTF face... I don't know but the sum of all this made me worried about "what will they say if a make out with this devil woman" and finally I played dumb, give her two kisses in the cheek and chickened out like a coward.

Usually I don't give a crap if I'm with 1-2 friends, but seeing 5 of them looking at me and ready to mock me with videos and pictures... not cool and I told them later but I don't think they'll avoid it next time (and no, I'm no ditching/changing my friends because I know they make it for laughs and it's something that never bugged me until yesterday).

Anyone went for something similar? And where are the (hopefully successful) Halloween stories from GAF?

P.S: Having a date with a girl tomorrow. We'll have lunch and I'll show her my city later (she's from New Jersey and is in Spain studying). We'll see what happens...

 

[GiJoccin]

Anyone went for something similar? And where are the (hopefully successful) Halloween stories from GAF?

I went out with some friends and the night kind of winds down at a dive bar downstairs dancing, and some girl walks down as were about to leave. She starts talking to my friend's girlfriend, and I walked over, started dancing with her. Apparently she loved that I wasn't wearing pants. Then within 15 minutes we were making out and in a cab back to my place.

Yeah, so, I had my first one night stand. No idea what her name was. Honestly, not a fan. It was fine when I was drunk, but waking up the morning and going at it again was not very fun.

 

[Oozinator]

There's nothing misogynistic about what he said there, it wasn't a commentary on women but a commentary on changing societal values - you acknowledge attitudes to marriage have changed yourself. Personally, I think he's just venting, but he's partly on the money. The truth is somewhere between what he said and what -PXG- said at the top of the last page (for 100 page per view users) -



I find that kind of talk really condescending personally, the "work hard and improve yourself" message in particular - as though people aren't. Advising people to look at what they did wrong is pretty abhorrent to me as well... they should be aware of themselves and able to analyse a relationship in hindsight, and own any mistakes, but we shouldn't start from the assumption that they did anything wrong. In the end, attitudes like BigDug13's might seem angry or bitter, but he's found places in the world that suit his expectation of relationships better, and it sounds as though - through experience - he has steeled himself against the heartbreak that emotional involvement can bring. Sounds to me like he's set some realistic expectations a la -PXG-'s advice.

The best way to find happiness in my view, is to not give a fuck about anyone until you do. And I don't mean don't be a nice guy, I mean just try and ignore that part of the ego that cares about whether you are in or a relationship or not, don't let that fool you into caring too much about someone before you should. She doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. There are a million things more prohibitive to a happy life than relationship woes with the opposite sex. For me, my ills are work related, and in some respects - recession related. I can't improve my situation overnight, which is frustrating, but I'm working at that and trying to do things I enjoy, and enjoy the time I have with friends and anyone who *would* like to hang out with me. Its pointless trying to 'win' your way into the affections of people who show no interest in knowing you.

Not everyone is looking for happiness through relationships, There are guys who just wanna get laid with hot women for free.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Say you date a girl for 2 years or so.

Saw you break up with said girl. (Or said girl dumps you)

How much time later is it abnormal to still think of this person occasionally?

That is, 6 months after breakup, youre writing something on the computer, and you suddenly start thinking about her. Normal?

9 months?
1 year?
18 months?
2 years?

At which point does it become....wrong?

I was with a girl for a year and a half a few years ago, broke up and after a few months I forgot she even existed... Then I was with a girl around 4 months last year and broke up in December. I still miss her every fucking day. There is NO 'normal' time that you stop thinking about them.

 

[Houston3000]

Last night was weird... I'm a little bummed.

Went to a club in Meatpacking (NYC) with my roommate. We split up after getting inside and sharing some shots to "explore" the prospects. I somehow wandered past a bouncer into a private party section while dancing and met a girl who complimented my costume. For almost two hours we danced, flirting with each other, kissing a bit... we eventually sat down and made out a little while sharing the free drinks back there. She was super hot, no costume, but it was relatively well lit back there with these lamps around the glasses for pouring drinks. Apparently she was a professional skateboarder, she told me she was leaving for Florida on Thursday and then flying to California for the winter and for some competitions.

After a while of sitting together and drinking we both stood up to continue dancing, she turned to a friend she was with (she had been talking to her on and off during the night) and right then a bouncer grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the section - said it was a private party and I wasn't allowed. I walked around the side and stood on one of the couches and motioned her over, asking her what happened. She leaned over the other side of the couch and was telling me something I couldn't really hear since it was so loud, "I'm flying out on Thursday", blah blah and then another bouncer grabbed me and dragged me all the way out of the club!

Luckily, ironically maybe, my roommate walked out right behind me. She was drunk to, had some dude with her though that ended up coming back to our place. But man... WTF!! I have no clue why I got kicked out of that private section if I was with someone, let alone why they escorted me out of the club. This morning I realize they charged a 25% gratuity on my bar tab on which I accidentally tipped on top of to. What shit, I didn't get her number and I can't for the life of me recall her name - been looking up professional female skateboarders in NYC but there's no real easy list or anything

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Day 2 of breakup....god i suck at this....i was talking to one of her friends seeing if my ex wanted to talk to me just as friends so she texted her asking but i realized i'm a moron then i told said friend that i didn't want to talk to her....this is freaking hard.

I figure if she really wants to talk to me and if we were meant to be then she would go out of her way to contact me. Anything that I do is just gonna push her away. Wish that were the opposite but nothing you can do.

Trying to hang in there...gonna watch some How I Met Your Mother to ease the pain

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Day 2 of breakup....god i suck at this....i was talking to one of her friends seeing if my ex wanted to talk to me just as friends so she texted her asking but i realized i'm a moron then i told said friend that i didn't want to talk to her....this is freaking hard.

I figure if she really wants to talk to me and if we were meant to be then she would go out of her way to contact me. Anything that I do is just gonna push her away. Wish that were the opposite but nothing you can do.

Trying to hang in there...gonna watch some How I Met Your Mother to ease the pain

Don't talk to her, don't talk to her friends, make no attempt to see her ever. It's over.

If she comes crawling back to you, don't get back together. She's not worth it (and she obviously thinks you're not worth her time).

Do right by yourself. Think only of yourself. It's okay to be selfish.

 

[Kad5]

Is there a consensus on how to escape a friend zone or is it absolutely impossible?

 

[reilo]

Is there a consensus on how to escape a friend zone or is it absolutely impossible?

Make your intentions known early.

 

[WyndhamPrice]

Is there a consensus on how to escape a friend zone or is it absolutely impossible?

It's difficult but not impossible.

You may be in a situation where you think you're in the friendzone but really aren't, some girls have weird ways of treating their guy friends and ordering things in their heads. I thought I got friendzoned by my last girlfriend but she really at first wasn't ready to date anyone at the time (which she told me and I took as her letting me down softly), but later on we randomly hooked up at a party so there you go.

But most of the time you're probably boned.

If you're serious do what the poster above said, make your intentions known but not as some kind of asshole ultimatum for your relationship. It's only weird if you make it weird.

 

[Kad5]

Make your intentions known early.

I said escape not avoid.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

I have absolutely nothing to contribute to the Halloween shenanigans as I worked all weekend long and have 3 exams to study for this week.

fml XD

 

[The Shadow]

Nothing much happened for my Halloween. Hung out at the GF's friends place and gave out candy. She wore a "slutty bumblebee" outfit so I convinced her to go trick or treating instead of just greeting people in it. She got called out shortly after for being too old to trick or treat because she has 36Ds. Later, we went to an amateur haunted house that absolutely rocked, made out at a cemetery and got chased out by a cop. Went home and watched Dead Like Me before heading to bed.

Kinda mundane but I didn't mind.

Have you ever lived outside of the US? Have you ever experienced the attitude of women in other nations? You think I'm still trying to find success with American women? What you don't understand is that my entire point is that American women aren't worth the trouble because there are better available women in the world. I prefer to find success where success is more attainable and happiness is more assured.

My point is that I'm not angry anymore because I had the epiphany that there is a cultural problem that has been developing in the US.

I've served in the Navy for 17 years and I'm 37 years old. I've never been married and I have no children. I've had 3 girlfriends my entire life, with 2 being in high school and 1 being in Japan...so basically after high school, I had no success for the next 21 years. You read my posts as coming from a place of anger, but in reality it's coming from a place of realization.

I'll be receiving a pension the rest of my life starting next year. I don't plan on living in the US ever again. That has been my way to try to change my fortunes. The culture of the US is toxic for relationships IMO. A 50% success rate is some poor odds to place your love-life into.

Ah. Thanks for clarifying. I had suspected you were angry and bitter based on your previous posts, but now it's clear why.

Despite what YOU say and your experience in the US, people do find happiness in relationships here and are able to be in successful marriages. It happens. It didn't happen to you. Don't blame society for your lack of experience and success.

I was with a girl for a year and a half a few years ago, broke up and after a few months I forgot she even existed... Then I was with a girl around 4 months last year and broke up in December. I still miss her every fucking day. There is NO 'normal' time that you stop thinking about them.

Agreed completely. It's going to be different for every girl. I've pined over some of the worst breakups and thought nothing over some of the best relationships. It's odd. The simple fact is that it's going to take time, no matter what.

Is there a consensus on how to escape a friend zone or is it absolutely impossible?

It's not impossible but it takes balls and some big changes. Most people aren't going to be able to do it, making it seem like it's impossible. One way or another, if you want out of the friendzone, the friendship needs to end. Whether it turns into a serious romantic relationship or you never see her again, the friendship goes away. Moreover, she needs to see you as someone different than her "buddy", and that means someone that she's sexually attracted to.

I hope this isn't related to the girl you were talking about in the last few posts. :/

 

[TurboLibre]

Make your intentions known early.

What if you don't know your intentions early? I don't want to sleep with someone the instant I meet them, it's not until I've grown to know/like them do I start to feel any attraction.

It's not impossible but it takes balls and some big changes. Most people aren't going to be able to do it, making it seem like it's impossible. One way or another, if you want out of the friendzone, the friendship needs to end. Whether it turns into a serious romantic relationship or you never see her again, the friendship goes away. Moreover, she needs to see you as someone different than her "buddy", and that means someone that she's sexually attracted to.

I don't understand why the friendship has to end. You're putting it at risk, sure, but I don't know why people think you can't be friends and lovers.

 

[Karl2177]

Trying to hang in there...gonna watch some How I Met Your Mother to ease the pain

This actually got me over my last break up. For some reason, the ability to follow a character in an extended period of time helps get your mind off of things.

 

[The Quiet Man]

Is there a consensus on how to escape a friend zone or is it absolutely impossible?

Not impossible. I have been dating a girl for 7 years, but we were friends for a year before that. We are getting married in December.

 

[TheSchwab_7]

This actually got me over my last break up. For some reason, the ability to follow a character in an extended period of time helps get your mind off of things.

haha. yeah except I'm on season 5 already so I'm gonna use some Barney tricks to feel better

 

[Jamesfrom818]

Last girl who broke it off with me was a three month relationship that ended in May. I think about her less these days, but it still hurts to think of her. I don't think there really is a set amount of time.


Can you explain this to me? How does it work and what does it do? Is this what the rating system is? I thought it was just a passive way in which girls are trying to get my attention.

If your profile is your resume, your initial message to a girl is a cover lettter, the awards are letters of recommendation.

I usually see guys use it as a way to send a message to girls with a full inbox though.

 

[The Shadow]

What if you don't know your intentions early? I don't want to sleep with someone the instant I meet them, it's not until I've grown to know/like them do I start to feel any attraction.

And to be brutally honest, that only tends to happen if you're lonely and haven't dated anyone seriously. Friends start looking like serious romantic interests when you've been single for a while. Be mindful of that. Did this genuinely grow into something more (obviously not if it's just you feeling it and not her) or is it just loneliness on your part (most likely).

I don't understand why the friendship has to end. You're putting it at risk, sure, but I don't know why people think you can't be friends and lovers.

You can. My point is that the innocent "buddy" friendship most definitely ends, and things WILL change between the two of you, if you want it to progress into something else. There's no question about it.

For me, the few times a friend delved into a sexual relationship, it was more or less a FWB thing and much less a real romantic relationship that I'd take seriously. That's because I didn't change my mind about them or how I felt about them.

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Kad5]

Nothing much happened for my Halloween. Hung out at the GF's friends place and gave out candy. She wore a "slutty bumblebee" outfit so I convinced her to go trick or treating instead of just greeting people in it. She got called out shortly after for being too old to trick or treat because she has 36Ds. Later, we went to an amateur haunted house that absolutely rocked, made out at a cemetery and got chased out by a cop. Went home and watched Dead Like Me before heading to bed.

Kinda mundane but I didn't mind.



Ah. Thanks for clarifying. I had suspected you were angry and bitter based on your previous posts, but now it's clear why.

Despite what YOU say and your experience in the US, people do find happiness in relationships here and are able to be in successful marriages. It happens. It didn't happen to you. Don't blame society for your lack of experience and success.



Agreed completely. It's going to be different for every girl. I've pined over some of the worst breakups and thought nothing over some of the best relationships. It's odd. The simple fact is that it's going to take time, no matter what.



It's not impossible but it takes balls and some big changes. Most people aren't going to be able to do it, making it seem like it's impossible. One way or another, if you want out of the friendzone, the friendship needs to end. Whether it turns into a serious romantic relationship or you never see her again, the friendship goes away. Moreover, she needs to see you as someone different than her "buddy", and that means someone that she's sexually attracted to.

I hope this isn't related to the girl you were talking about in the last few posts. :/

Nah bro my friend was asking me about it. Personally if i'm stuck in the friend zone I don't even bother.

 

[-PXG-]

I was with a girl for a year and a half a few years ago, broke up and after a few months I forgot she even existed... Then I was with a girl around 4 months last year and broke up in December. I still miss her every fucking day. There is NO 'normal' time that you stop thinking about them.

Yeah.

I was with a girl for over two years. Broke up with me and found someone else within two weeks. They got engaged within 6 months. After the initial shock during the first few weeks, I got over it. I got to the point where I didn't care, and even laughed about it.

Now, fast foward to my last GF. With her for four months. We broke up two months ago...still not really over it.

Honestly, it depends on the relationship. You could be with someone for years and years, but really not grow that attached. At the same time, you can be with someone for a month and really fall for them. It all depends on how well you get along and how often you see each other.

The girl of two years, I saw one or twice a week. My last GF (of four months) I saw almost every single day. Plus, we had a shit load of things in common and pretty much clicked instantly. It was a perfect, story book relationship, that came to a sudden, unfortunate end. It's not my fault, and nothing I can help, but it still sucks, even to this day. I never thought I'd meet a girl like her. I know I will again one day, but I don't want to have to sort through the BS to get her again...but of course...that's just life and I'll have to deal with it

Even after going on dates and talking to new girls, I don't feel over it completely. Once I have a new GF, I guess I'll be fine. But I know, in the back of my mind, I'll be comparing her to my ex.

I know it's not fair, but what can I do? She was everything I've ever wanted and more. Whoever I go out with next, will have big ass shoes to fill. I feel like an asshole for even thinking that...

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Yeah.

I was with a girl for over two years. Broke up with me and found someone else within two weeks. They got engaged within 6 months. After the initial shock during the first few weeks, I got over it. I got to the point where I didn't care, and even laughed about it.

Now, fast foward to my last GF. With her for four months. We broke up two months ago...still not really over it.

Honestly, it depends on the relationship. You could be with someone for years and years, but really not grow that attached. At the same time, you can be with someone for a month and really fall for them. It all depends on how well you get along and how often you see each other.

The girl of two years, I saw one or twice a week. My last GF (of four months) I saw almost every single day. Plus, we had a shit load of things in common and pretty much clicked instantly. It was a perfect, story book relationship, that came to a sudden, unfortunate end. It's not my fault, and nothing I can help, but it still sucks, even to this day. I never thought I'd meet a girl like her. I know I will again one day, but I don't want to have to sort through the BS to get her again...but of course...that's just life and I'll have to deal with it

Even after going on dates and talking to new girls, I don't feel over it completely. Once I have a new GF, I guess I'll be fine. But I know, in the back of my mind, I'll be comparing her to my ex.

I know it's not fair, but what can I do? She was everything I've ever wanted and more. Whoever I go out with next, will have big ass shoes to fill. I feel like an asshole for even thinking that...

Don't feel like an asshole because it's normal. It seems like the girl you clicked with instantly and felt like it was a story book relationship just showed you what you want in a girl. It's just a learning process. It's gonna suck for a long time, but it's gonna be easier as time goes by. There's always a girl who could be just like your ex girlfriend out there, but she'll be better.

 

[TurboLibre]

And to be brutally honest, that only tends to happen if you're lonely and haven't dated anyone seriously. Friends start looking like serious romantic interests when you've been single for a while. Be mindful of that. Did this genuinely grow into something more (obviously not if it's just you feeling it and not her) or is it just loneliness on your part (most likely).

Well it's never really been an issue yet, I'm just curious. In most cases I legitimately only see the girl as a friend, in a few others they've been in long term relationships so I lost interest pretty quickly. I'm just asking because I feel like a relationship is a natural progression from a relationship. When you're friends you share common interests, enjoy each others company, have a certain amount of trust, and care about each other. All important staples in a good relationship. So the way I see it, I've seen there's potential there and start to notice. I don't really know how the alternative works, to be honest. Why would I ask a stranger out? Moving someone who I don't know at all into a more close and intimate environment is just crazy to me.

 

[Prologue]

Theres this girl in my class(college ochem) thats slowly gaining my interest. She just gives off that "sweet" vibe. I would think making a move at the end of the semester would be smarter, to avoid any potential awkwardness. Or should I say something now?

Feedback? Never really met anyone that I was interested in, in a class before.

 

[Prologue]

Yeah.

I was with a girl for over two years. Broke up with me and found someone else within two weeks. They got engaged within 6 months. After the initial shock during the first few weeks, I got over it. I got to the point where I didn't care, and even laughed about it.

Now, fast foward to my last GF. With her for four months. We broke up two months ago...still not really over it.

Honestly, it depends on the relationship. You could be with someone for years and years, but really not grow that attached. At the same time, you can be with someone for a month and really fall for them. It all depends on how well you get along and how often you see each other.

The girl of two years, I saw one or twice a week. My last GF (of four months) I saw almost every single day. Plus, we had a shit load of things in common and pretty much clicked instantly. It was a perfect, story book relationship, that came to a sudden, unfortunate end. It's not my fault, and nothing I can help, but it still sucks, even to this day. I never thought I'd meet a girl like her. I know I will again one day, but I don't want to have to sort through the BS to get her again...but of course...that's just life and I'll have to deal with it

Even after going on dates and talking to new girls, I don't feel over it completely. Once I have a new GF, I guess I'll be fine. But I know, in the back of my mind, I'll be comparing her to my ex.

I know it's not fair, but what can I do? She was everything I've ever wanted and more. Whoever I go out with next, will have big ass shoes to fill. I feel like an asshole for even thinking that...

Yea I know how that feels. Long term relationship ends, a bit down but you keep your head up. Meet someone else that rocks your world, it ends abruptly and things go to hell. It hurts but things get better over time. If anything, it really makes you want the real thing. Makes you hold out and not settle for things once you got a taste of what a happy relationship could be.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Yeah.

I was with a girl for over two years. Broke up with me and found someone else within two weeks. They got engaged within 6 months. After the initial shock during the first few weeks, I got over it. I got to the point where I didn't care, and even laughed about it.

Now, fast foward to my last GF. With her for four months. We broke up two months ago...still not really over it.

Honestly, it depends on the relationship. You could be with someone for years and years, but really not grow that attached. At the same time, you can be with someone for a month and really fall for them. It all depends on how well you get along and how often you see each other.

The girl of two years, I saw one or twice a week. My last GF (of four months) I saw almost every single day. Plus, we had a shit load of things in common and pretty much clicked instantly. It was a perfect, story book relationship, that came to a sudden, unfortunate end. It's not my fault, and nothing I can help, but it still sucks, even to this day. I never thought I'd meet a girl like her. I know I will again one day, but I don't want to have to sort through the BS to get her again...but of course...that's just life and I'll have to deal with it

Even after going on dates and talking to new girls, I don't feel over it completely. Once I have a new GF, I guess I'll be fine. But I know, in the back of my mind, I'll be comparing her to my ex.

I know it's not fair, but what can I do? She was everything I've ever wanted and more. Whoever I go out with next, will have big ass shoes to fill. I feel like an asshole for even thinking that...

I relate to a hell of a lot of things you said in this post. Im told to get over my ex by meeting other girls but Im constantly just thinking "youre not her". I guess Im an old fashioned guy in terms of when i fall for a girl, i genuinely am not interested in other women. its like Im emotionally still stuck in this mode. I can remember exactly what me and my ex did on this day a year ago. I remember what happened a year ago last week, last month, next week, I remember it all. It was and still is a BIG DEAL to me. i still get depressed, angry and upset that we had to break up (she moved away) and she found someone else. I simply cant get over her. Ill never forget when a random old man came up to us and said to our faces that she was way too good for me. I could literally feel what small shred of self confidence i ever had falling away. I felt like.. what if she thinks that too? I guess in the end it turned out she did. If i ever see that old man again, I swear to god I'll go fucking nuts.

funnily enough though, thinking back to how its hard to get over girls you fall for, who you click with, do you think your ex ever thinks about you? Because i doubt mine ever thinks of me at all. Like ever, since January or something. I wish she did. Pretty sad really.

 

[Atramental]

If a cute girl asks for my assistance on something 3 times in a row what does that mean? >_>

...now that I think about it, it probably has something to do with me being one of the highest scoring students in my design class. I do take my graphic design shit seriously.

So I guess it's nothing.

Fuck, I'm desperate...