Mr City is very smart at putting this situation into words. However, as someone like myself in the same boat as combine, i have found my own solution. I am going to get really drunk one night and kill myself! Can only endure so many bullshit years of this i have to say. Dont know when yet but i forsee sometime soon. I just need a catalyst, maybe losing my job will do it. This economy fucking sucks after all.Mr.City said:
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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
- Start date
- Status
Jamesfrom818
Banned
I hope you're just being facetious.
theignoramus
Member
how old are you?~Kinggi~ said:
TheSchwab_7
Member
Hi, my name is _____.Jibbed said:
Etrian Oddity
Member
Every semester or so, my female friends start complimenting me on "how good I'm looking" and asking if I'm working out and shit... always makes me feel good and all (and raises my confidence), but still sorta makes me sad that we're just friends and they have no interest in doing anything. /drunk
theignoramus
Member
Re; the Kinggi post:
I'm acutely familiar with feeling out of place due to others, some of them 5, 6 years younger than me, having a hundred times more fun/sociable/sexual experiences under their belt. always makes me bitter about years of isolation and all the social "memories" ,good or bad, I never experienced, owing to self blunder or bad luck.
I'm acutely familiar with feeling out of place due to others, some of them 5, 6 years younger than me, having a hundred times more fun/sociable/sexual experiences under their belt. always makes me bitter about years of isolation and all the social "memories" ,good or bad, I never experienced, owing to self blunder or bad luck.
The good news is that there's always time to start making those memories. Some people have a lot of fun at an early age, while others don't hit their stride until their mid-to-late twenties or even their early thirties.theignoramus said:
Honestly, if your life feels unfulfilled, it can be very rewarding to just pick up and start fresh somewhere new.
Dabookerman
Member
Right, so i've added this girl of POF onto facebook and msn. We seem to have had a lot to say on the PoF chat, but ever since i've added her, she doesn't talk at all.. I've said hi like 3 times with no reply over the past 2 weeks.
So I have two options.. I think.. either think, fuck it, and remove her and ignore it, which would be easy.
or..
Find out what was the point in all that if she doesn't bother talking?
I'm not desperate or anything, but it does come across as immensely pointless and a bit of a waste of time...
So I have two options.. I think.. either think, fuck it, and remove her and ignore it, which would be easy.
or..
Find out what was the point in all that if she doesn't bother talking?
I'm not desperate or anything, but it does come across as immensely pointless and a bit of a waste of time...
Just ignore it and move on. She's not gonna explain to you why she ceased communication anyway. She's just gonna keep ignoring your messages until they finally stop.Dabookerman said:
From my observations with friends' online dating adventures, a lot of girls enjoy flirting with numerous guys at once on there with no intention of ever actually meeting/dating them. They just like the male attention, even if it is virtual.
Dabookerman
Member
ScOULaris said:
I figured that would be it.. which is annoying -_-
A friend suggested that she wants to make her FB friend list bigger.. which does seem the case...
-PXG- said:
I've done this multiple times and the best thing you can do is keep your mouth shut. Do not tell ANYONE. I still work with a couple of girls I've hooked up with and nothing negative has come out of it. When someone talks (most of the times it's the guy) rumors start spreading and the girl gets pissed. That's when you have a problem.
Second date on friday, don't think I can top the 6 hours we spend together mondaynight last week though. Probably just going back to a bar in the city, still lots of stuff to talk about.
Thing is, I have no experience with these things what so ever and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to take the initiative here. Since I always did before, and it probably explains why she never really had a relationship despite being quite attractive and all that.
I'll see how it goes, but I can't keep going on dates with her forever. I'm pretty sure she likes me too.
Thing is, I have no experience with these things what so ever and I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to take the initiative here. Since I always did before, and it probably explains why she never really had a relationship despite being quite attractive and all that.
I'll see how it goes, but I can't keep going on dates with her forever. I'm pretty sure she likes me too.
Dabookerman
Member
jaxword said:
Well clearly not.
Removed her now. Waste of time...
Meeting girls in person seems to be the only viable option in this case.
Problem is, the kind of girls i'm into just don't come around often, and the ones that do have boyfriends already. Such is life
-PXG- said:
Oh god, man, you are walking the tightrope. One false move and either of you are screwed. Suppose you break up and one of you gets bitter and angry? Suppose they just say small, but damaging, things about you?
Or even worse, suppose an office gossip finds out. And they will, it will just take one spotting of you leaving together. It WILL spread, both of your managers will find out, and then you'll have to explain why you hid things from management.
There is no possible way to come out of this successfully WITH the exceptions of
1. You are friends with the bosses' boss and have nepotism on your side.
2. You get married and thus everyone is happy for you~~
I only work as a part time intern at the local hospital for my university's job placement, and one of the first things we hear is : If you hook up, one of you will eventually quit, be fired, or be demoted/moved.
Now, I'm not saying don't do it, hell, I make idiotic decisions about women all the time and have horrendous drama-filled explosions (but then I seem to like that for some reason), but I am giving you advice on how to enjoy it while you can.
Dabookerman said:Well clearly not.
Removed her now. Waste of time...
Meeting girls in person seems to be the only viable option in this case.
Problem is, the kind of girls i'm into just don't come around often, and the ones that do have boyfriends already. Such is life
Never internet date. I tried it once during a 4 month dry spell in first year, didn't really expect much as I'm kind of an ugly dude and I have to use personality to get anywhere.
Got a few hits, and managed to get a few dates with this purple haired girl who was into goth stuff. Which suits me fine, I go for crazy girls.
Then on the third date, she INSISTED we date at a specific weekday night, despite both of us working after school. Me, being 18 and dumb, didn't really think much of it, thought nothing of it. And also being 18 and dumb means doing anything for sex.
So we go for a date at a local goth club. And then she goes into the washroom and comes back with a large piece of paper with a poem on it. Written in red ink with...red blotchy flowers? Ok, weird, but whatever, it talks about how I represent her Sun and this is her "Moon reply" and that's why it had to be that night.
Then she tells me she just wrote it.
Me: Ok.
JUST WROTE IT.
Me: Ok...wait do you mean when you went to the washroom OH MY GOD AGH
I threw down 10 bucks for the drinks and made an excuse that I didn't feel well and stumbled to the washroom.
It wasn't an excuse.
Moral of the story: There's crazy, and then there's internet crazy girls who will write you a poem in moon blood and are single for a reason.
I deleted my okcupid account that very night. Goodbye, James_bong420, forever.
Dabookerman
Member
jaxword said:
I hear ya. I got into a relationship with someone off of Ok Cupid. Big mistake it was. There was no spark, just lots of fucking. And she had a stupidly religious mum that she kept going on about.
What the fuck was I thinking. Everytime I look back, i shudder..
Thing is, I don't think i've ever been in a situation where a girl has been interested in me in person. It's always been on the internet, so it's what I'm used to. I have never got together with a girl outside of the internet. It's a bit embarrassing really, but I know so few. Furthermore I can get along with anyone easily enough, but i'm not necessarily going to be interested in anyone. I suppose a "flaw" of mine (I don't really see it as one but whatever..) is that I only form any kind of relationships with people who I share similar interests with. No exceptions really. I am not an ambassador for the idea of "opposites attract".
Least with online dating, you can filter girls this way. Problem is, they practically do the same, but where as I would use sieve.. girls use a reservoir..
Atramental
Banned
Moon blood? I- Oh- Oohhh....
Damn, that's fucking nasty.
Damn, that's fucking nasty.
Dabookerman said:
You need more social circles. I learned that the hard way first year. My grandpa (who I was really close to, he was the father-father of our family) died during the summer of 2009 when I was gearing up for college. Like, just a few weeks before I left. The news devastated me, especially as he helped me pay for some of the college cash, so I got kind of reclusive and spent the first few months of college moping and studying.
Big mistake. It cost me a chance to integrate into so many clubs and make social circles with guys AND girls with similar interests. That also lead to the internet thing, which was the final straw that made me snap out of it and wake the hell up.
Now I'm second year and I made a LOT of effort to join clubs and groups to fix that problem, and I guarantee you meet far more women that way if you did just clicking the internet.
Hi
Ive been reading this thread for a while now, and i realized im part of the group that doesnt know how to do talk, you know star a conversation, or mantain one, i mean its hard, and im seein that mayve its a sign, that every girl i meet its so different to me, that i just cant find conversation.....
So, how do you talk about something?
..............
Now that i wrote it sounds super stupid question, but i cant do it..
Ive been reading this thread for a while now, and i realized im part of the group that doesnt know how to do talk, you know star a conversation, or mantain one, i mean its hard, and im seein that mayve its a sign, that every girl i meet its so different to me, that i just cant find conversation.....
So, how do you talk about something?
..............
Now that i wrote it sounds super stupid question, but i cant do it..
Bryan1321 said:
Have you ever initiated a conversation with "So tell me about yourself?"
If you haven't, that's a problem there. People like to feel important and have their opinions heard and to talk about themselves a lot.
If you've never asked anyone that (or a variation, i.e. what's your favorite music/movie/artist/etc) then maybe that's your problem? Have you only ever talked about the stuff YOU like?
-ImaginaryInsider
Member
I've decided to delete facebook.
It's really easy to meet women on there, I'll bump into a girl at a party, get a friend's request and start chatting her up and it usually goes well, but all it does for me is promote a ton of bad habits:
- I end up friend requesting her instead of just getting her number.
- I waste months on girls that are using me for attention, if I would have just asked them out in the first place I could have got "yes" or "no" right up front.
- I finally realized I would rather just interact with women in person, and by getting rid of facebook it forces me to become more assertive in that regard.
I'm also going to severly limit my texting too, going to tell the girl I'm not a texter and do things on my terms. Some texting is fine, phone calls are slightly better, but I need to become more "date-centric". I have plenty of chances to meet new people/girls, and I need to stop hiding behind empty virtual interaction.
It's really easy to meet women on there, I'll bump into a girl at a party, get a friend's request and start chatting her up and it usually goes well, but all it does for me is promote a ton of bad habits:
- I end up friend requesting her instead of just getting her number.
- I waste months on girls that are using me for attention, if I would have just asked them out in the first place I could have got "yes" or "no" right up front.
- I finally realized I would rather just interact with women in person, and by getting rid of facebook it forces me to become more assertive in that regard.
I'm also going to severly limit my texting too, going to tell the girl I'm not a texter and do things on my terms. Some texting is fine, phone calls are slightly better, but I need to become more "date-centric". I have plenty of chances to meet new people/girls, and I need to stop hiding behind empty virtual interaction.
Again you are correct as always. I for one have always sought out steps because as you said, my "ego" self is always saying that there are things wrong with me and I need to fix them somehow. With the way my brain is wired, I had viewed it like I would view any problem encountered (take steps to fix the problem), but with the mind, that is the wrong approach because then you get caught in the vicious cycle of over analyzing and over thinking everything that it's already too late.Mr.City said:
Because I have been only thinking in those terms all my life, having to unlearn all that and learning new ways to think have proven to be extremely difficult. I still endure waves of extreme depression on certain days. Despite this year though, I have never felt suicidal. In fact a lot of my anxiety/panic was born from irrational and insane fears of succumbing to a physical ailment.
I don't think this is entirely true. For someone who has very limited experience and/or social skills, there is a lot of good information out there on the basic, or even very detailed, first interactions. The material isn't necessarily gold or anything, but I do think it would help those who do not have the slightest clue at least have some confidence going into their interactions. After that initial pain period, it's more about understanding what's going on from an interpersonal communication standpoint.Mr.City said:
And really, all that said, that's the crux of it. How you interact is going to be different with each person you're talking with. The skill that needs to be developed usually is knowing how to adjust your normal flow to each new person. At that point, so long as you have self-respect, know what your deal breakers are, and call them out on things you don't like, things move pretty naturally.
I think guys, especially our type, do too much to psych ourselves out 99% of the time. If it were that hard, there wouldn't be 7 billion people on the planet.
So it's been a little under a month since my breakup with my ex. Things have been going well, but I still catch myself looking at her Twitter, FaceBook, etc; even after I defriended her and everything.
I'm starting to think that maybe I should stop this whole "I don't want to be single" mantra and just start being a man whore again to forget about her until we talk after the semester. Is this a bad idea?
I'm starting to think that maybe I should stop this whole "I don't want to be single" mantra and just start being a man whore again to forget about her until we talk after the semester. Is this a bad idea?
It's not a stupid question. Some people, like myself, had to learn it. For just conversation, you have to learn how to pick possible threads out of what people are saying.Bryan1321 said:
If someone says, "Yeah, I ran into my cousin randomly a few years ago while I was on vacation in Florida." There's a lot to do with that. You can choose a path and revisit the others if the topics die out: their cousin, coincidences, vacations, what they did on their vacation, and Florida.
Once you can hold a regular conversation, then you can start adding in jokes, and be more playful and it'll start to flow more naturally. Just remember that most good conversations are a series of statements with a few questions interspersed.
Mully said:
Ugh. Delete, block, add those links to your host file, do something effective to prevent you from looking her up. You really think seeing what she's been up to or who she's fucking is helping your healing process?
Mully said:
No they aren't. Quite lying to yourself.
Move on bro. Seriously. You want closure and you're probably not going to get it. Have some fun. Improve yourself. Hang out with friends/family. Enjoy being single.
Calion82v said:
I don't think you understand my situation. Things have been going well. I've been going to AA 3 times a week. I've lost 10lbs, and I'm talking to some old friends again that I "scorched Earth" just a few years ago.
I may be looking once in a while, but who's not going to look the first few months after a break up, especially one that was pretty sudden? I'm not lying to myself, things have gotten better since those first days after. I was a mess after the whole breakup, but now I've accepted it. I'm doing things I haven't done before, I'm renewing old friendships, and making new ones.
I know when we talk around Thanksgiving, she won't want to get back together. I've accepted that. It's tough, but I've accepted that. I'd like to get back together with her, but I know that I still have a lot to work on for myself, and she's still having a hard time with the breakup.
I work at a pretty small place so casual sex is totally out of the question. If you're in a big office and don't work at the same exact place as the girl, go for it - what's there to lose?Snakeyes about co-workers and casual sex / dating said:
OTOH I'm currently dating one of the girls at work. We're 9 people, 7 of which are women... all same age as me and good looking (and all single). My rule was to not mess with any of them, but then I started hanging out with one of the girls that I've really connected to. One thing lead to another and now we're really serious. I'll probably have to quit the job sooner or later, but it's definitely worth it (been there five years, so I've done my part anyway).
Bucket-o-roadkill
Member
The moon blood story was amazing haha, thanks for sharing. I'll definitely be telling a mate of mine about this, hes petrified of that... kind of stuff.. He has a geniune fear of it I think. Lol
So, second date. Dinner at a fancy restaurant, then a short walk and a coffee afterwards. Again a pretty long date, three hours is pretty lenghty. Was again a very fun date, still hitting it off like nothing else. Plenty to talk about, good laughs, lots of interesting stuff, etc. All great, third date defininately happening. Going to do something active on the third date.
But! no escalation of the sorts. There was some mild contact, but nothing that constitutes are something romantic. Obviously no kiss either, apart from the greeting and saying goodbye. While I have no idea where I could have slipped this in, there really wasn't an opportunity, it's also true that you have to make these opportunities. So yeah, I'm still happy, but something needs to happen on the third date to establish there's something else besides just another good friends, which I want to avoid.
But! no escalation of the sorts. There was some mild contact, but nothing that constitutes are something romantic. Obviously no kiss either, apart from the greeting and saying goodbye. While I have no idea where I could have slipped this in, there really wasn't an opportunity, it's also true that you have to make these opportunities. So yeah, I'm still happy, but something needs to happen on the third date to establish there's something else besides just another good friends, which I want to avoid.
jaxword said:
Well.... yes i think i only talk about stuff i like... when someone starts talking about how cool is justin bieber and things like that, i just go away
Minamu said:
Just with girls, with guy its supereasy to find conversation (NFL, Soccer, Videogames)
Schlep said:
Well of course ill try your advice, it makes complete logic, now i need learn to leave the nerves behind and not froze out the moment im talking
Thnx
Spacebar said:
Stupid because I was thinking about taking her hand too. And it's not like I'm usually shy or anything, just... well, no excuses, I don't know why I did it. Some hesitation, but no grounds for it. Doing my head in :/
Angst said:Yep, you need to step it up to show that you want her - but don't overdo it. Touch her arms and hands while chatting, if she draws back you know it's no good, but if she welcomes your touches just go for it when the opportunity shows itself.
Good luck!
There was some mild touching of arms and hands and she didn't pull back, but no hand holding. Christ I'm beginning to sound like some uncertain teenager. How unlike me. Time to step it up when date three rolls around.
Spacebar said:
Oh no man, don't worry. I ain't saying shit. Neither of us make a peep about anything when we're at work. We work in a pretty chill environment anyway. So even if others found out, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But just in case it would be, our lips are SHUT.
She's told me that she REALLY likes me, and sees me as BF material, but doesn't want a BF now. I'm cool with that. We're good friends anyway. But she has mentioned that she could change her mind, especially if we're transfered to seperate locations, which is very likley, in the next week or two. She's also made it very clear that she isn't interested, seeing or even talking to other guys. I believe her, since I'm next to her pretty much all day, and because she just moved to the area recently.
We've discussed several times that we have feelings for each other and see each other as potentially amazing partners. She's a bit apprehensive about going into another relationship, especially a co-worker. As much as I'd like to have a new Ms. PXG, I don't know if I actually have the heart for it right now. I generally prefer relationships over one night stands and hookups....but you know...that sort of lifestyle ain't looking so bad right now.
I like her, she's cool a hell, but I'm still keeping my options open, since we're both not sure if we could be together. Things could change though....We'll see. Oh, and she might come over again tonight...lol
EDIT
It all started on Friday. We went out to dinner, after work. Just as friends. Nothing serious.
I invited her over to my place for dinner on Sunday. We had dinner. Besides some cuddling, it was an uneventful night.
Monday, night, we're talking on the phone really late. She admits to me that she likes me and that she wants to see me. I oblige and tell her to come over. She comes over....haha....
Yesterday, she came over for lunch and then dinner after work.
And now, I just got off the phone with her. She's gonna come over again for some dessert
-PXG- said:Oh no man, don't worry. I ain't saying shit. Neither of us make a peep about anything when we're at work. We work in a pretty chill environment anyway. So even if others found out, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But just in case it would be, our lips are SHUT.
She's told me that she REALLY likes me, and sees me as BF material, but doesn't want a BF now. I'm cool with that. We're good friends anyway. But she has mentioned that she could change her mind, especially if we're transfered to seperate locations, which is very likley, in the next week or two. She's also made it very clear that she isn't interested, seeing or even talking to other guys. I believe her, since I'm next to her pretty much all day, and because she just moved to the area recently.
We've discussed several times that we have feelings for each other and see each other as potentially amazing partners. She's a bit apprehensive about going into another relationship, especially a co-worker. As much as I'd like to have a new Ms. PXG, I don't know if I actually have the heart for it right now. I generally prefer relationships over one night stands and hookups....but you know...that sort of lifestyle ain't looking so bad right now.
I like her, she's cool a hell, but I'm still keeping my options open, since we're both not sure if we could be together. Things could change though....We'll see. Oh, and she might come over again tonight...lol
EDIT
It all started on Friday. We went out to dinner, after work. Just as friends. Nothing serious.
I invited her over to my place for dinner on Sunday. We had dinner. Besides some cuddling, it was an uneventful night.
Monday, night, we're talking on the phone really late. She admits to me that she likes me and that she wants to see me. I oblige and tell her to come over. She comes over....haha....
Yesterday, she came over for lunch and then dinner after work.
And now, I just got off the phone with her. She's gonna come over again for some dessert
So it begins. Good luck!
-PXG- said:
Bravo man. It's good that you're not hopping out of one relationship so you won't feel lonely and into another with the next chick that you hook up with. While I've never been in a relationship, it's good to give yourself some down time before you decide to commit to yourself to a relationship.
Prologue said:
I know advice has been given to him and all about going for it, but I'm having this same exact problem at the moment in practically all of my classes.
For example, there's this chick whose in my painting class that always gives me this look that just screams "talk to me." But I never do because every time I go into the studio to paint, I don't want to talk because of the rules and because I just want to focus on the painting.
In class, it's a similar thing, though not as strict because there's chances when I could talk to her such as during a break, but I'm always busy writing down my ideas. There's a part of me that wants to talk to her, but at the same time, there's a part of me that doesn't. Keep in mind, that there's only 3 of us guys in that class with me and a quiet Asian dude who keeps mostly to himself and an older man in his 50s or so, but he doesn't count.
I regularly talk to a couple of chicks from most of my classes before or after class, or if I bump into them on the hallway except for Art History (I've never talked any of the chicks in my section class) and English (unless we're forced to work in groups). There's always at least one to three chicks that I particularly want to talk to. I feel like I'm holding myself back too much and over thinking about it (e.g. the consequences, etc.). Hit me with something guys.
Hello dating gaf please help me.
I meet this beautiful Girl 2 weeks ago while helping out a different Department at the office. I didnt get the Chance to Talk to her, or didnt had the balls to, at that time. But on my last Day there it just happend that while i was leaving for my own department i meet her in the elevator. She was heading for my department as well so i got the chancevto talk with her a bit. After we arrived there i showed her arround and then our ways seperated. 3 days later or so i wrote her a mail, asking her out for a after work coffee. After that She answerd me 5 o 6 days later saying that She was sorry that it took her so long to get back at me and that we could meet up some time. She also asked me how my weekend was and that i should contact her when im free for a Coffee.
After that i got exited of course, i never thought that She would Write back at all.
So the next day, after lunch i wrote her a Email again. I said:
Hello Cathrin,
I almost gave up hearing from you but now it makes me even more happy.
On the weekend i went out with my mountainbike to catch the last sunny days. Did you Get a chance to recover from our stressy project. I will be off from work for the Next days, how about we meet up on tuesday?
After that i didnt hear back from her at all. The days flew by and tuesday came, arround 4 pm i stupidly wrote her again, asking if Today was ok for her? But once again She did not answer me.
I don't know what to do from here on? Should i write her again? What should i say? Also i don't get why she did not wrote back? Did i blew it somehow? If Yes, what did i do wrong? Please help me dating gaf, is there any chance that i can turn this strange situation arround?
I meet this beautiful Girl 2 weeks ago while helping out a different Department at the office. I didnt get the Chance to Talk to her, or didnt had the balls to, at that time. But on my last Day there it just happend that while i was leaving for my own department i meet her in the elevator. She was heading for my department as well so i got the chancevto talk with her a bit. After we arrived there i showed her arround and then our ways seperated. 3 days later or so i wrote her a mail, asking her out for a after work coffee. After that She answerd me 5 o 6 days later saying that She was sorry that it took her so long to get back at me and that we could meet up some time. She also asked me how my weekend was and that i should contact her when im free for a Coffee.
After that i got exited of course, i never thought that She would Write back at all.
So the next day, after lunch i wrote her a Email again. I said:
Hello Cathrin,
I almost gave up hearing from you but now it makes me even more happy.
On the weekend i went out with my mountainbike to catch the last sunny days. Did you Get a chance to recover from our stressy project. I will be off from work for the Next days, how about we meet up on tuesday?
After that i didnt hear back from her at all. The days flew by and tuesday came, arround 4 pm i stupidly wrote her again, asking if Today was ok for her? But once again She did not answer me.
I don't know what to do from here on? Should i write her again? What should i say? Also i don't get why she did not wrote back? Did i blew it somehow? If Yes, what did i do wrong? Please help me dating gaf, is there any chance that i can turn this strange situation arround?
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