Even if she finds it sweet if she wants to kiss you she'll enjoy it more of you don't ask. It's more exciting that way.
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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
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TheSchwab_7
Member
So I randomly messaged this girl I used to work with. Anyway she said I was cute a few times, said she never talked to me cause I had a gf at the time, we like the same music, were both born in California, both play video games, and have a bunch of other stuff in common that we were both surprised about. Said that I should talk to more often, if I wanted to.
BUT she said I was a nice guy. fffuuuuu. GAF?
BUT she said I was a nice guy. fffuuuuu. GAF?
BocoDragon
or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Realize This Assgrab is Delicious
Oh, I hear you... lol.
My take on the situation is that she had no business dating through craigslist (she's FOB), and I had no business answering (I'm stupid).
The first thing I'm gonna do is warn her away from it ever again
Nothing's going to happen unless you can get a girl interested enough in hanging alone, 1v1.
That was kind of my fault. I didn't try hard enough in getting us alone honestly. Besides she did say earlier she was tired because she had stayed up multiple nights in a row. Which is actually true she had mentioned in texts from days before and I know for a fact she works late at night.
Learning experience. Don't get too down on yourself.
Doesn't necessarily mean that you're screwed. Meet up with her and see how things develops, if you're friendzoned she'll let you know.
Hey kids. I had a first date last night with a slightly more, uh, type A personality girl. We had a really good time and had an excellent make out session at the end of the date in my car. The PROBLEM, and please let me know if I'm off base here, is that she didn't offer to pay for any of the date. Alcohol, food + activity.
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't ever let a girl pay for anything on a first date, but I guess it just seems weird to me that she didn't even offer. Also, I'm not certain if she said "thank you," during the date, I don't think she did.
Is this normal dating practice, or should this raise a red flag in my brain?
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't ever let a girl pay for anything on a first date, but I guess it just seems weird to me that she didn't even offer. Also, I'm not certain if she said "thank you," during the date, I don't think she did.
Is this normal dating practice, or should this raise a red flag in my brain?
Boozeroony
Member
I always split bills. Cool girls will appreciate that. If not, the girl ain't cool.
I used to pay for bills too, but that shit got out of hand.
A girl should at least offer. You need to make up your mind if it's a deal breaker for you personally, however.
Myself, that's a huge turn off.
casablanca
Member
Asking for permission give the impression that you're nervous about it.
I don't think you can decide you want kiss a girl at 23:45 and unleash your technique.
If you like her and she likes you ,if you re close to her and eye contact is stong go for it.
You make it happen by making her comfortable around you, grab her arm/waist/.. ,create strong eye contact during the date.
My advice would be not to keep it for the end of the date, it's just so cliché to kiss her on the door-step or whatever, just do it when it feels right.
PhoenixSFT
Member
Yeah, I tend to find that when a woman is hugging you (and essentially keeping you in that one spot at some point of the night), that's when you go in for the kiss. Did that halfway through a first date a couple nights ago and it made the rest of the evening even better.
Grimm Fandango
Member
Alright I know I said I was going to move on but I still have nagging things in my head and I need some more closure.
Short recap: studied with girl in my class for 10 hours one day, 3 hours the next, took her to lunch after the last final, then planned on going ice skating with her tonight. Then I got this this text yesterday and responded shortly afterwards:
School starts the second week of January FWIW.
So yeah I dunno if I want to leave it at just that. Should I text her today and say, "Sorry I didn't want to pressure you into anything" or "If you feel like talking I'm always here" or something else? It's hard for me to handle stuff like this due to my ineptitude so I really appreciate more feedback. Thanks guys.
Short recap: studied with girl in my class for 10 hours one day, 3 hours the next, took her to lunch after the last final, then planned on going ice skating with her tonight. Then I got this this text yesterday and responded shortly afterwards:
School starts the second week of January FWIW.
So yeah I dunno if I want to leave it at just that. Should I text her today and say, "Sorry I didn't want to pressure you into anything" or "If you feel like talking I'm always here" or something else? It's hard for me to handle stuff like this due to my ineptitude so I really appreciate more feedback. Thanks guys.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
This. The first text kinda had a slight bitter tone to it so follow it up with the bolded.
move on. stop chasing.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Its not chasing if he genuinely wants to be there for her as a friend (emphasis on *friend*). If you're trying to get with her though then that ship has long sailed past the horizon unfortunately.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
I mean yes and no... It's certainly not worth obsessing over it now, and you're better off putting her out of your mind, but she might just be asking for time. If you run into her next semester there's nothing wrong with checking to see if she's still interested in going skating.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
He shouldn't put all his hopes on her though. People can be fickle. She might find someone during the break and he would've been waiting for nothing. I say be there for her as a friend and play the field with other girls in the meantime
As much as I usually go against the cubsfan method ...mostly due to being an Astros fan, but also because I don't think it gels with the whole "be yourself" thing for me...
But I have to agree here. Let it go. Ask her out again sometime next semester, but stop trying to "fix it". From experience, all you're doing is cementing yourself in the FZ
But I have to agree here. Let it go. Ask her out again sometime next semester, but stop trying to "fix it". From experience, all you're doing is cementing yourself in the FZ
Does anyone feel like pop culture and the mass media has a role in making guys have shitty game?
I notice there have been movies (particularly in the 80s and 90s) whee the protagonists are awkward nice guys who clearly have no game yet somehow they get the girl in the end?
It isn't realistic at all and I feel like when kids and teenagers see shit like that some of them kind of pick up on it in a negative way.
I notice there have been movies (particularly in the 80s and 90s) whee the protagonists are awkward nice guys who clearly have no game yet somehow they get the girl in the end?
It isn't realistic at all and I feel like when kids and teenagers see shit like that some of them kind of pick up on it in a negative way.
Etrian Oddity
Member
The media isn't why I lack game... it's just my personality type. Mine and many, many other guys.
* * *
God, I wanna just shoot myself and end this. I CANNOT ask a girl out when I'm sober. I just get so fucking nervous that I screw up, without fail. Happened just today with this female acquaintance. And what pisses me off the most is that I constantly put myself out there and in those types of situations to make myself better, and I can't stop failing. Been trying a whole goddamned year and still can't do it.
Dabookerman
Member
The opening to 500 days of summer pretty much nails a lot of the issues guys have.
It sums up what my outlook on women used to be..
Sanky Panky
Banned
Take her to cheap places/not for dinner (pick her up after dinner time), and see if she loses interest.
I always pay for my girl, but there is a fine line between a girl that wants you to spend money on her, and one that is aware of your custom and appreciates it.
Hmm, this doesn't bode well. Asked the girl out, she says "Oh, I might be up for that" but then she starts wondering what we're gonna do and wants to be sure we both go in with the same intentions. Smells like trouble to me :S
Edit: Now she doesn't want to commit because she's sort of kind of getting sick. Yeah. Not looking for a date. Next.
Edit: Now she doesn't want to commit because she's sort of kind of getting sick. Yeah. Not looking for a date. Next.
Jamesfrom818
Banned
Its possible that she actually is getting sick. A girl didn't want to go out last Friday since she caught a cold but she's all better now and we're going out tomorrow night.
You might not be able to do it effectively yet, but the important part is that you keep trying. Are you keeping an eye on what you do in sober situations? What works and what doesn't? Keep trying to adjust and learn. How much sober experience do you have in comparison to night club escapades where you're a little buzzed? It's hard for everyone to do stone cold sober approaches and ask-outs. You're not the only one who has difficulty with this, trust me. (Here's a tip: skateboarding videos and pick up artist videos/stories are all the same -- they edit the bails and failures out. Don't get caught up in thinking that all they do is succeed every time they try.)
Their not failures, they're learning experiences. The more learning experience you have, the better prepared you become in the future. You need to first learn to succeed later. Now, go back and replace the word(s) "learn"/"learning experience" with fail and realize that the sentences still make sense, but not only are they more motivating, they're less negative. Control your mental state and stay positive by employing little tricks like this.
So a while back I talked about a girl I asked out, but she had to cancel due to illness. I know for a fact the illness was real, and continues to be.
I've continued to talk to her over the last few weeks while she's been ill. Has this ruined my chances? Has talking to her as a friend put me deep into the friendzone? Has anyone here recovered from a friendzoning to go on to dating?
I've continued to talk to her over the last few weeks while she's been ill. Has this ruined my chances? Has talking to her as a friend put me deep into the friendzone? Has anyone here recovered from a friendzoning to go on to dating?
CherryWoodFuton
Member
TheSchwab_7
Member
Going out with this girl on Friday. She kept saying I was cute and was surprised that I asked her out. First date since becoming single. believe
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Congrats man. Remember no pressure. Just have fun and don't worry about kino and all that for now.
It's totally acceptable in my book. You are not obligated to be mutually exclusive with these girls just because you go on dates. As long as you don't start a relationship with one girl and still date the other.
NihonTiger90
Member
I'm beginning to think this online dating thing isn't going to work for me. Honestly, it seems my messages are connecting with the girls I talk to ... but they visit my profile and I never hear back from them, as if something is wrong with me. I don't necessarily feel that way about myself, but it is a bit of a downer, you know? I'd like to keep pushing on but it feels pointless now, even after only a month and a single person getting back to me who has now flaked out and disappeared.
foodtaster
Banned
Hmm...
I don't really have problems with women, but there's this one girl I'm slightly interested in. Only problem is, she leaves to overseas in a week. She's in this group I'm in and I'm trying to think if I should ask her out now or when she comes back. Or maybe something dumb like giving her a note and having her read it on the plane? Haha.
I don't really have problems with women, but there's this one girl I'm slightly interested in. Only problem is, she leaves to overseas in a week. She's in this group I'm in and I'm trying to think if I should ask her out now or when she comes back. Or maybe something dumb like giving her a note and having her read it on the plane? Haha.
manipulate
Member
Show us your profile?
As long as you're very honest when the time comes for it I don't see anything wrong with dating multiple people.
The time when any of these girls asks to go exclusive is when you weigh your options and make your choice. Also, for the sake of being a responsible person, use protection when having sex -- with everyone you're seeing -- so as not to cross-contaminate girl Y if you were to catch something from girl X.
Expect some girls to be hurt by the news, regardless. It's an unwritten rule that you can assume the other person is seeing people other than you when exclusivity isn't on the table. If she was naive to think otherwise and/or freaks out at you, it's her fault and not yours. It's 2011.
Remember that once you cross that exclusivity line and have the "relationship official" talk with her that seeing other people is cheating and then it is your fault for seeing other people aside from her. At that point she's your GF. Until then, you're clear to see whomever you chose.
This is just my perspective (and a brief take on it, at that) so hopefully this helps.
This girl that I think is cute called me today wanting to hang out with me and her friends at a hookah bar.
I couldn't because I went back home from college today.
I told her we could hang out sometime during the break and she said ok.
I'll probably text her tomorrow or something. What do you guys think? Anything else I should do? Anything I should bring up or say?
I couldn't because I went back home from college today.
I told her we could hang out sometime during the break and she said ok.
I'll probably text her tomorrow or something. What do you guys think? Anything else I should do? Anything I should bring up or say?
Don't complicate things. Go in for the kill and just set a time and date for you two to hang out. Pick an activity. Done.
The issue is that we live a county apart pretty much.
I'm sure we could work something out. Maybe I could ask her if I could crash somewhere like at a friend's house or something. She likes alcohol so we could probably party or something.
Are your parents willing to lend you the car for a night? Take her on a date and drop her off when you're done.
Etrian Oddity
Member
Thanks.
The common denominator seems to be when I overthink--I've been trying to force myself to use the 3-second rule, but often the girl in question is either with friends, has earphones in, or we're in the middle of a crowd. Coming to think of it...stage fright seems to be one of (but not the root) problems I have. If I have to ask out a girl in front of a lot of people, generally I'll shy away rather than risk the public shame.
foodtaster
Banned
Nothing. And aye peeps, respond to my question a few posts up!
I'd much rather hook up with her than go on a date but yeah sure I could do that I guess....
luckyboyceo
Member
How long is she gone for? If it's any substantial amount of time I'd say you'd be best to just move on, honestly.
Definitely do not give her a note to read on a plane. That kind of stuff only works when you're deep into a relationship, anything prior to that is creepy and not sweet.
No, she said it straight out that she wasn't looking for a date. Signals of disinterest got interpreted as shyness. I must've been friendzoned since day one since she has whined in public to me that too many guys are too shy around women. She felt pretty stupid about leading me on when she didn't even mean to. Only known her for three weeks or so, so no big deal, she's gone. If I'm not even worth a shot, she ain't worth anymore of my time imho.
Edit: I've learned and developed quite a bit from this, I think. Not caring too much, asking her out while not drunk, dropping in at her apartment on a whim, teasing her etc was a lot easier than before. Too bad, for she was genuinely really interesting.
You're making excuses by saying "Oh, I want to talk to her but she's with her friends" or "I'm gonna go talk to her as soon as she takes her earphones off." The three-second rule, from my understanding, is in place so you don't mind fuck yourself like that.
Just go up to her and say "Hey, I'm trying to hit on you, pause your song for a second." It's gonna feel awkward as fuck, but once you do it you'll realize how trivial your excuses are.
FoodTaster said:
Only do that if you're in eighth grade and if you do, make sure to have a "yes" and "no" box she can check when she gives it back to you. How long is she gonna be gone for? Doesn't seem like much of a point asking her now if she's gonna be gone for a while. People change.
Going iceskating fridaynight.
If I'm lacking the balls again to kiss her, I'll just think about what I felt the last time I was interested in a girl, but because I never took the next step, she ended up with someone else.
NOT going to make that mistake again. Besides, won't be seeing her for a month or so after that, so I have the momentum now. Just going to tell her that I'm going to miss her or whatevs and go for it.
If I'm lacking the balls again to kiss her, I'll just think about what I felt the last time I was interested in a girl, but because I never took the next step, she ended up with someone else.
NOT going to make that mistake again. Besides, won't be seeing her for a month or so after that, so I have the momentum now. Just going to tell her that I'm going to miss her or whatevs and go for it.
foodtaster
Banned
Just a month. It's not really a big deal, there are tons 'o other women. But she's transferring in the spring, so I might as well do something. (Of course the school she's transferring to is close to the old one)
Just to put it in context, I've posted about my situation a few times in the last couple of days: I drunk texted a girl I've been close with for most of the semester finally telling her how I feel about her; she told me she doesn't know how she feels partly because she had no idea I had strong feelings for her in the first place.
Well I certainly learned a lot from all the fucking up I did here, I ended up explaining to her that I still do want to remain good friends with her (I do mean that) but I'm not going to wait around for her to make up mind; I added that for whatever it's worth I do still believe that we really would be good together for a lot of reasons, so if she ever decides it's something she wishes to pursue I would be willing to as well She told me that she thinks we could be good together too, but she'd need to be sure about it.
Basically, like I said, I'm done being hung up. Still, I feel like it would be foolish to close any doors for us in the future, and she seems to feel similarly. At the very least I don't think I'm so much in the friend-zone anymore, so whatever happens happens. Did I handle this correctly?
/endrant
Well I certainly learned a lot from all the fucking up I did here, I ended up explaining to her that I still do want to remain good friends with her (I do mean that) but I'm not going to wait around for her to make up mind; I added that for whatever it's worth I do still believe that we really would be good together for a lot of reasons, so if she ever decides it's something she wishes to pursue I would be willing to as well She told me that she thinks we could be good together too, but she'd need to be sure about it.
Basically, like I said, I'm done being hung up. Still, I feel like it would be foolish to close any doors for us in the future, and she seems to feel similarly. At the very least I don't think I'm so much in the friend-zone anymore, so whatever happens happens. Did I handle this correctly?
/endrant
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