She smiled. That's a good thing. You got her number good thing. That means she is interested in you. Take that and text or call her first with a casual conversation to set something up. Not sure what your age is but I would do the coffee route first. For a casual conversation so you can get a feel for her. After your talk with her. If you have interests in common then go out with her on a date.
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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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She smiled. That's a good thing. You got her number good thing. That means she is interested in you. Take that and text or call her first with a casual conversation to set something up. Not sure what your age is but I would do the coffee route first. For a casual conversation so you can get a feel for her. After your talk with her. If you have interests in common then go out with her on a date.
"Let's hang out on X or Y".
Etrian Oddity
Member
I'm pretty much incapable of hitting on a girl when I'm sober, on a mental level. I have to have at least a little alcohol in me to calm the nerves and put me at ease, hence allowing me to roll up to a girl I fancy.
Advice taken. I'm going out with this girlie tonight and planning on pulling the trigger and then some.
Things have been going fine. I'm taking care of myself and being completely honest with myself and others. Today was a milestone and I was able to not look at her profile, twitter, etc. I'm starting to realize that she wasn't the perfect girl. She held things back, she wouldn't tell me a lot of things and I would always have to work it out of her. I'm really starting to move forward and it started with that post.
I've realized how insecure I was during the relationship. I always thought I wasn't good enough for her, or anyone really and that really took a toll on everything. Now I'm much more confident and doing the things I've always wanted to do, because I'm not scared anymore. People know I'm a great guy and I don't have to prove anything or hold anything back. For instance earlier this weekend I had my best friends over to watch some football. I've always wanted to do it, but I always thought that they wouldn't want to come over since I wasn't good enough. Now I really don't give a fuck.
That's why I'm going out with this girl tonight. I've wanted to since the breakup, and now I'm ready to.
BTW, if you want to follow my progress you can check out my blog. It's personal, but it's my way of coping with things.
Seeing Starts Blog
Jamesfrom818
Banned
How tall is she? Looks like she has some long legs on her
She's 5'7. I'm 5'8 so it works out perfectly.
Jamesfrom818
Banned
I went out with a girl that is 5'10 and I'm 5'11. She wore heels. One of the few times I had to rear my head back for a kiss.
Mully you improved. I mean the way you speak and the aspect that you "don't give a fuck" what anyone thinks is practically what most people, including myself need to do. I'm waiting to be unleashed to explore all these wonderful opportunities with these ladies. But it all starts with myself. And from there you work your way out.
Getting over an ex is certainly hard but when you think about the reasons why it didn't work out. You begin to look elsewhere for the recovery of those reasons. Someone who can help you better those mistakes you made in the past. No reason to feel bad at all.
Your insecurity issues are normal at first but you soon realize that you have to let your woman do her. She is always going to be looked at by other guys or hit on by other guys. But if she truly loves you. She would submit herself to you. Because she is the only one that she can love.
Glad to see you are rebounding. You got a nice, gorgeous lady on your hands now. Take care tonight and remember the attitude to 'not give a fuck'.
Have a nice night, bro.
Getting over an ex is certainly hard but when you think about the reasons why it didn't work out. You begin to look elsewhere for the recovery of those reasons. Someone who can help you better those mistakes you made in the past. No reason to feel bad at all.
Your insecurity issues are normal at first but you soon realize that you have to let your woman do her. She is always going to be looked at by other guys or hit on by other guys. But if she truly loves you. She would submit herself to you. Because she is the only one that she can love.
Glad to see you are rebounding. You got a nice, gorgeous lady on your hands now. Take care tonight and remember the attitude to 'not give a fuck'.
Have a nice night, bro.
luckyboyceo
Member
Mully, that girl is smoking hot. Definitely a good reason to get over your ex and a step in the right direction.
No guarantee I'll even see her again but if I do I'll definitely give it a go. Will report back.
Thanks guys, good advice all around.
No guarantee I'll even see her again but if I do I'll definitely give it a go. Will report back.
Date went really well. She's fucking amazingingly hot, but she's not the most sincere. She holds back a lot. Granted it's the first date, and we already had drunk sex, but the date was good and I can't wait to see her again. Granted, I'm not that interested in her for a relationship, I'll let it play out.
jamesinclair
Banned
If theres grass on the field....
...then ask her to mow it off.
Serious answer: Depends what youre looking for. Dont expect to want to marry an 18 year old...or introduce her to the family.
lawlohwhat
Banned
If you're a typical 28 year old, then she would probably drive you crazy after a little while. If it's just for hooking up, there's nothing wrong with that.
Basically. She's going to be really immature with you otherwise. I even still have a rough time with girls younger than me.
Her father will shoot you, but until then you're safe.
Skel1ingt0n
I can't *believe* these lazy developers keep making file sizes so damn large. Btw, how does technology work?
I can't believe I'm posting here... it's so strange. I'm just a month shy of 23 years old, and I've never really cared for advice. I like figuring things out as I go. And even now, I don't really know what I'm looking for from you guys; but if you'd be willing to just read my somewhat lengthy vent and shoot back some thoughts, I'd be appreciative. I think I just want to *explain* things to someone, even if that someone doesn't really care too much ;p
So, I knew my GF for a few years in high school. She was a year younger than me. We talked a lot in class, and were good "class" friends, but not much more. She asked me in December of my senior year if I was gonna go to my prom; I said no. Truthfully, I've never had any problems with girls. I'm confident, and have had enough success with girls in the past. I just wasn't interested. She told me if she happened to be single by the time Prom rolled around, I'd have to go with her. I agreed, just for kicks. Turns out, she broke up with her BF like three days before Prom. She fully admitted I was a rebound, but that she'd love to go as friends. As a gentleman, I agreed - I wasn't interested in anything other than a good deed and have some fun before graduating.
We ended up having a really, really good time. Great conversation, funny jokes, very comfortable. It took her a while to commit, as she was still coming off a broken relationship; but finally we were official as I went off to college.
And we made it work for a year apart.
Then she came to the same school as me, and we lived next to each other in the dorms for a year, and for the two years following that we lived in separate, but close, apartments.
I graduated last May, and she will be going into her final semester of college next month. So, we've been 100+ miles apart for about 8 months. We visit each other occasionally, but alas, not often enough.
The thing was, is she was so focused on graduation - which is great. But almost all her thoughts were in moving to New York and "getting away." I'd be more than willing to come along; but just at every turn, I felt like she wasn't quite into our relationship as much as I. I felt like I was putting more in and getting less out month after month.
I talked to her several times about it; not confrontational, but just as in a "hey, this is bothering me. Can we please work on it?" But things weren't getting better. Our conversations got worse, we started communicating less and less, and we were getting on our nerves more and more.
And in the last couple weeks it occurred to me... I just don't see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl.
I'm not jealous. At all. I give her her space. I listen to her thoughts. I understand her rants. I'm there when she needs it. I drive where she wants to go. I get her the gifts she likes. Nobody is perfect, I realize that... but honestly, I don't know HOW I could have been a better boyfriend. And I just didn't feel like she was reciprocating that. And I don't expect her to 100%. Not even 70%. But in the last few months, it felt like I was getting barely 10%.
And so I told her I think we need to move on. It was very, very hard to do... 4.5 years is a lot of time. A lot of work. A lot of commitment. I had some wonderful highs with her (and some terrible lows)... and I'm very sad it didn't work out.
But what gets me... is that yeah, I'm upset. I know I will be for a while. But whether it's because I haven't had to deal with the repurcussions yet, or because we are already living so far apart... or ... whatever... it just isn't affecting me as much as I thought it would.
I went out with my family today to shop. I met my friend at his work and we joked around for an hour and laughed. I played The Old Republic for four hours and had a lot of fun.
I'm hurt... A lot. And when I think about it, I'm sad. The thought of her dating someone else - whether in 2 weeks or 10 years - just kills me. Heck, I don't even like the idea of other guys flirting with her. And I think it'll be a LONG time before I start looking at other girls. (I'm a honest dater; I haven't considered being with another girl in 4+ years). But for some reason, I think I'm doing okay. I can't really explain it. It SUCKS! A LOOOOOTTT! But I still think I'm handling it well. Better than I should, maybe.
Is that a good sign? Or am I in for a terribly rude awakening in the coming days?
/rant
Thanks!
So, I knew my GF for a few years in high school. She was a year younger than me. We talked a lot in class, and were good "class" friends, but not much more. She asked me in December of my senior year if I was gonna go to my prom; I said no. Truthfully, I've never had any problems with girls. I'm confident, and have had enough success with girls in the past. I just wasn't interested. She told me if she happened to be single by the time Prom rolled around, I'd have to go with her. I agreed, just for kicks. Turns out, she broke up with her BF like three days before Prom. She fully admitted I was a rebound, but that she'd love to go as friends. As a gentleman, I agreed - I wasn't interested in anything other than a good deed and have some fun before graduating.
We ended up having a really, really good time. Great conversation, funny jokes, very comfortable. It took her a while to commit, as she was still coming off a broken relationship; but finally we were official as I went off to college.
And we made it work for a year apart.
Then she came to the same school as me, and we lived next to each other in the dorms for a year, and for the two years following that we lived in separate, but close, apartments.
I graduated last May, and she will be going into her final semester of college next month. So, we've been 100+ miles apart for about 8 months. We visit each other occasionally, but alas, not often enough.
The thing was, is she was so focused on graduation - which is great. But almost all her thoughts were in moving to New York and "getting away." I'd be more than willing to come along; but just at every turn, I felt like she wasn't quite into our relationship as much as I. I felt like I was putting more in and getting less out month after month.
I talked to her several times about it; not confrontational, but just as in a "hey, this is bothering me. Can we please work on it?" But things weren't getting better. Our conversations got worse, we started communicating less and less, and we were getting on our nerves more and more.
And in the last couple weeks it occurred to me... I just don't see myself spending the rest of my life with this girl.
I'm not jealous. At all. I give her her space. I listen to her thoughts. I understand her rants. I'm there when she needs it. I drive where she wants to go. I get her the gifts she likes. Nobody is perfect, I realize that... but honestly, I don't know HOW I could have been a better boyfriend. And I just didn't feel like she was reciprocating that. And I don't expect her to 100%. Not even 70%. But in the last few months, it felt like I was getting barely 10%.
And so I told her I think we need to move on. It was very, very hard to do... 4.5 years is a lot of time. A lot of work. A lot of commitment. I had some wonderful highs with her (and some terrible lows)... and I'm very sad it didn't work out.
But what gets me... is that yeah, I'm upset. I know I will be for a while. But whether it's because I haven't had to deal with the repurcussions yet, or because we are already living so far apart... or ... whatever... it just isn't affecting me as much as I thought it would.
I went out with my family today to shop. I met my friend at his work and we joked around for an hour and laughed. I played The Old Republic for four hours and had a lot of fun.
I'm hurt... A lot. And when I think about it, I'm sad. The thought of her dating someone else - whether in 2 weeks or 10 years - just kills me. Heck, I don't even like the idea of other guys flirting with her. And I think it'll be a LONG time before I start looking at other girls. (I'm a honest dater; I haven't considered being with another girl in 4+ years). But for some reason, I think I'm doing okay. I can't really explain it. It SUCKS! A LOOOOOTTT! But I still think I'm handling it well. Better than I should, maybe.
Is that a good sign? Or am I in for a terribly rude awakening in the coming days?
/rant
Thanks!
Dude, there's nothing wrong with you. It's going to be a confusing time anyway. You'll be conflicted about for a while, you'll feel good, you'll feel like shit. All this is extremely recognizable for me. My ex and me broke up this summer. At the time of breaking up, I was just graduating from uni, finally had some free time again and started planning for a huge-ass trip in 2012. The euphoria of graduating, having some free time (Assassin's Creed II! Deus Ex! movies! partying! making plans for travelling! good times
- and, admittedly, some fooling around with girls, just made it a very happy first couple of weeks. But after that phase, I was (and still am, occasionally) pretty bummed out about how my relationship ended. I'm not ready for a new relationship, but getting there, and confident about 2012 and all that'll come.I guess I'm trying to say, don't worry about being able to enjoy all the good stuff right now. If it stays that way, good for you! If the breaking up hits you harder later on, deal with it then. No use worrying about it now.
SuperAndroid17
Member
You'll get over it
Takes time , lots of it. Meet other people and spend time with your family during these holidays.
One question though , how did she react when you told her you had enough?
Slayer-33
Liverpool-2
I know her father lol, he enjoys getting drunk often. Pretty happy guy in general lol
-edit forgot to mention he's a former marine too lol
Utterly bizarre question, but I'll ask it anyway: has anyone ever fallen in love with a girl from your dreams?
I'm very happy in my long term relationship, but for the first time ever I had a dream about being with someone else, not in a sexual way at all, but just falling in love basically.
She was really sweet, not your usual 'stunning' girl you'd see in a lads mag or whatever, but just incredibly cute and attractive, and somehow in my dream I somehow seemed to develop seemingly quite serious feelings for her.
Has this ever happened to anyone else? It really was rather peculiar.
I'm very happy in my long term relationship, but for the first time ever I had a dream about being with someone else, not in a sexual way at all, but just falling in love basically.
She was really sweet, not your usual 'stunning' girl you'd see in a lads mag or whatever, but just incredibly cute and attractive, and somehow in my dream I somehow seemed to develop seemingly quite serious feelings for her.
Has this ever happened to anyone else? It really was rather peculiar.
It does suck, a huge chunk of your life is gone and you'll be filling it in with other stuff now, better stuff! Just want to know how she reacted when you broke up with her and how did you do it? Also, hows the relationship between you two going to be? Do you plan to still be her friend?
Skel1ingt0n
I can't *believe* these lazy developers keep making file sizes so damn large. Btw, how does technology work?
Thanks for all the quick input, guys. Just talking/writing about it helps. I appreciate the encouraging words.
As for how I/we ended it: As I said, I had brought up what I saw as problems in our relationship a few times over the last two months. I visited her at school about three weeks ago, and she was acting weird. Normally, I'm pretty good at "lightening a mood" and making things fun. But this time, because it seemed like she wasn't making an effort, I just didn't try that much. We didn't argue or anything, but the spark, at that point, was obviously pretty much gone.
She had two weeks of class left, and so she was busy. I understand that. But I was getting one or two 1-sentence texts a day. Finally, I just stopped caring after about a week of that, and only replied when she messaged me.
I'm not an asshole; I wasn't about to break up with her over the phone while she needed to study for finals. At this point, she knew it was coming, but better out of sight, out of mind. I waited until she was done with finals and came home.
She was only in for a night before leaving with her family to New York; so I met her at a Starbucks. By this point, we both knew what was coming. While I started talking first, it was obvious we both came with the intention to not be together when we left. She started crying, and so I said we should go outside in the car. From there, we talked for about an hour. She was teary the whole time, but not balling.
She kept saying she wanted to keep things the same other than dating; but I told her I couldn't do that. For nearly 5 years I've seen her as a love/sex/dating interest. I just couldn't be close friends with her as I know I'd try rekindling something that's not there. That really upset her. I told her I'm always there if she's in a pickle or needs help or thinks she's in trouble. I'm certainly not gonna hate her overnight or anything; but no, I don't care to text/talk every day or every other day. It would just make thing too hard. For what it's worth, I imagine the next time I'll text her is on the 25th just to wish her a Merry Christmas.
From there, she kept saying she thought things "might be a mistake" and that maybe stress was getting to her. She wasn't sure if we had made the right decision. These texts came for the first 48 hours while she was in NY. But then they stopped - I know she got distracted by vacation and family and whatnot. Which is fine. But from there, I knew it was over. I told my best friend and my mother what had happend - the only two people I felt close enough to share with. They were both supportive (in different ways), and I'm thankful for that.
She got back last night, and I agreed to meet her today to buy back the Kindle she bought off me to give me as a Christmas gift (yeah, long story). We talked for about 10 min. She wasn't as upset as I expected her to be... but I guess that's good, even though I kinda wish it hurt more, as sick as that sounds. Anyhoo, we both honestly wished each other the best. I told her I expect to see her on TV someday (she's a broadcast major), and she told me she has no doubt that I'll do great, great things someday... and that she hopes I find someone that loves me as fully as I love. And yeah, that was about it. We got in our cars and drove apart. :-(
As for how I/we ended it: As I said, I had brought up what I saw as problems in our relationship a few times over the last two months. I visited her at school about three weeks ago, and she was acting weird. Normally, I'm pretty good at "lightening a mood" and making things fun. But this time, because it seemed like she wasn't making an effort, I just didn't try that much. We didn't argue or anything, but the spark, at that point, was obviously pretty much gone.
She had two weeks of class left, and so she was busy. I understand that. But I was getting one or two 1-sentence texts a day. Finally, I just stopped caring after about a week of that, and only replied when she messaged me.
I'm not an asshole; I wasn't about to break up with her over the phone while she needed to study for finals. At this point, she knew it was coming, but better out of sight, out of mind. I waited until she was done with finals and came home.
She was only in for a night before leaving with her family to New York; so I met her at a Starbucks. By this point, we both knew what was coming. While I started talking first, it was obvious we both came with the intention to not be together when we left. She started crying, and so I said we should go outside in the car. From there, we talked for about an hour. She was teary the whole time, but not balling.
She kept saying she wanted to keep things the same other than dating; but I told her I couldn't do that. For nearly 5 years I've seen her as a love/sex/dating interest. I just couldn't be close friends with her as I know I'd try rekindling something that's not there. That really upset her. I told her I'm always there if she's in a pickle or needs help or thinks she's in trouble. I'm certainly not gonna hate her overnight or anything; but no, I don't care to text/talk every day or every other day. It would just make thing too hard. For what it's worth, I imagine the next time I'll text her is on the 25th just to wish her a Merry Christmas.
From there, she kept saying she thought things "might be a mistake" and that maybe stress was getting to her. She wasn't sure if we had made the right decision. These texts came for the first 48 hours while she was in NY. But then they stopped - I know she got distracted by vacation and family and whatnot. Which is fine. But from there, I knew it was over. I told my best friend and my mother what had happend - the only two people I felt close enough to share with. They were both supportive (in different ways), and I'm thankful for that.
She got back last night, and I agreed to meet her today to buy back the Kindle she bought off me to give me as a Christmas gift (yeah, long story). We talked for about 10 min. She wasn't as upset as I expected her to be... but I guess that's good, even though I kinda wish it hurt more, as sick as that sounds. Anyhoo, we both honestly wished each other the best. I told her I expect to see her on TV someday (she's a broadcast major), and she told me she has no doubt that I'll do great, great things someday... and that she hopes I find someone that loves me as fully as I love. And yeah, that was about it. We got in our cars and drove apart. :-(
And this is to convince me he ISN'T gonna shoot you?
Haha, seriously though, dating way younger is a bad idea unless you have the family's blessing.
That's actually really sad. Thanks for sharing this with us, it helps us all knowing what it's like. Talking about it is the best remedy. You do sound upset, that's normal, but you're not weak so you'll get over it fast.
You don't have to answer this, but could you have not given it another last try after she finished her finals?
If you're not feeling like total shit, that's good. I think. If you were planning on breaking up for a while and things have been going downhill you might have already made your peace with it. If even for a bit. A lot of people still pine for their ex, hope they could somehow still make it work. If you don't have that it will hurt less.
That's not to say you won't miss her, or miss having a woman around. Or feel shitty for hurting someone you care for. And her seeming pretty ok doesn't necessarily mean it didn't mean anything to her. My ex was the same. She later told me she WAS really hurt (which sucked for her).
Honestly, this sounds like a good break up. If such a thing is even possible. Little drama, no prolonged longing for the other. It'll probably still hurt like hell though
Make the best of it.Houston3000
Member
Man, I hate break-ups, I've been through my fair share of them. Out of all my break-ups though I've never had a "bad" or bitter one, as in one due to a fight, it's always very mellow and sad times. Talking to each other, crying, etc...
I know this probably sounds pathetic somehow but over the past year and a half or so I've dated three girls "seriously" - as in for a few months where we'd start getting into the flow of a normal relationship past the very initial phases (you know - meeting up often, regular sex, even family in some cases). All three of them though were very sad break-ups, like one of us sitting and discussing rationally why we shouldn't be together anymore while the other or both start tearing up or crying. Two of the break-ups were initiated by me and that made it even more difficult. I've been jumping between these short term relationships ever since I moved to this city (with a myriad of random dates in between) and I'm honestly getting really tired of it. I've been solo for two months now though and I have to admit, I'm craving companionship during the holidays. It's to the point now where my roommates just annoy me because they're there, I'm hanging around the apartment too much, but I'm not sure if I should jump out and get into another short relationship that's just going to end by April anyways :-/.
I know this probably sounds pathetic somehow but over the past year and a half or so I've dated three girls "seriously" - as in for a few months where we'd start getting into the flow of a normal relationship past the very initial phases (you know - meeting up often, regular sex, even family in some cases). All three of them though were very sad break-ups, like one of us sitting and discussing rationally why we shouldn't be together anymore while the other or both start tearing up or crying. Two of the break-ups were initiated by me and that made it even more difficult. I've been jumping between these short term relationships ever since I moved to this city (with a myriad of random dates in between) and I'm honestly getting really tired of it. I've been solo for two months now though and I have to admit, I'm craving companionship during the holidays. It's to the point now where my roommates just annoy me because they're there, I'm hanging around the apartment too much, but I'm not sure if I should jump out and get into another short relationship that's just going to end by April anyways :-/.
I've never met an 18 year old who isn't ... an 18 year old. For me 21 would be the minimum so at least she could go do things and has had a chance to adjust to the real world.
Cygnus X-1
Member
*Ranting time*
It's a month that I'm asking a girl out and she keeps finding excuses for not coming. We just agreed a month ago to go watching a movie, but she was sick. Then I asked her again many times and she kept say that she couldn't. Since she's moving out of her apartment I thought it was maybe just busy. Now that she's back, she keeps not find a day for this simple, damned movie. Shit. It's just a movie! Not even that!
Before that I asked a girl I knew since lot of time to go out for a drink. She simply did not answer me. I saw her later to a party and she was pretty nice to me, but I knew she always is like that and thus I kept my hoped low. After the party, some days later I asked her out in order to tell us what we both did in last years. She ignored me again.
Before that, I collected a nice series of 7 different "no" in different sauces during the last 2 years.
Maybe I should just stop and focus on my PhD.
It's a month that I'm asking a girl out and she keeps finding excuses for not coming. We just agreed a month ago to go watching a movie, but she was sick. Then I asked her again many times and she kept say that she couldn't. Since she's moving out of her apartment I thought it was maybe just busy. Now that she's back, she keeps not find a day for this simple, damned movie. Shit. It's just a movie! Not even that!
Before that I asked a girl I knew since lot of time to go out for a drink. She simply did not answer me. I saw her later to a party and she was pretty nice to me, but I knew she always is like that and thus I kept my hoped low. After the party, some days later I asked her out in order to tell us what we both did in last years. She ignored me again.
Before that, I collected a nice series of 7 different "no" in different sauces during the last 2 years.
Maybe I should just stop and focus on my PhD.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Move on son.
Kccitystar
Member
Normally when girls start making excuses and shit like that, it's their own passive aggressive way of showing no interest. A "polite" way of declining. I'd move forward.
Cygnus X-1
Member
I planned to. Tonight I send her a last message with a last possibility (of course not showing openly that to her :lol). If she'll say no, it's going to be definitive.
Nevertheless, I'm not going to stop looking for a girl. Sure, I have to admit that nothing is being given to me freely in my entire life. I fought like a crazy to obtain my MSc. I fought like a fool for having a small social life. And now I'm fighting to the death for a girl!!! Luck is not something I own, that's for sure!
Anyway, sooner or later, someone has to come out with me! I'm clean, I keep making 8 km running every 2 days and thus I'm perfectly fit. I also keep behave like a strong-willed, but gentle man and thus I know that someone is going to be pleased by my person. My point: what I could improve, I pushed it to the limits. I can't change my face unfortunately, but this is not going to stop me! Eheheh!
Holy shit gaf, made out with a wicked hot girl last night. She's someone I knew from undergrad (few years below me), and apparently she's always had a thing for me (I had no idea of this). Went out drinking with her and a bunch of people and as the night went on she started getting more flirty, getting me drinks, etc. By the end it was clear even to completely oblivious me that she wanted to sleep with me. I would have taken her home but I'm only in town for Christmas and I couldn't well bring her back to my parents house. She ended up crashing at a friends place, but we shared a cab there and before she got out she kissed me. I'm just really happy now, I can't believe she's into me. It was my first kiss, too (yeah yeah, 25 year old virgin on gaf, what else is new?). So I'm going to try to meet up with her again after Christmas. Best part is, she's apparently moving to Toronto next year (where I live now).
So yeah. Good day.
So yeah. Good day.
Cygnus X-1
Member
That was sad and long story, but I have to wonder what are your needs in a relationship? Out of both of the long posts you've made, it seems that you're catering to her, that you only give and she only takes.
Cygnus X-1
Member
Giving up is not going to help. Generally, no-one in this world is going to help. You want something: work on that till you obtain it.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Same attitude I have. Whenever I have a setback (which I've had lots of those lately) I just tell myself "Some girl is gonna be at the right place and right time and will tell herself how did she ever live without having me in her life"
Like a boss. Sometimes I feel like you. There is this hot girl my cousin is trying to hook me up with and she really likes me a lot but I such a low self esteem and self confidence about myself. I always say she deserves better and miss out on all the potential girls I could've had.
But to the bolded part:
I'm a 24 year old virgin. So don't feel bad.
Been distracted by work mostly. Haven't really had the time to think about all this.
Though, I dunno, for some reason, I feel currently like I'm in one of those modes where I don't really care about relationships or stuff like that. On the plus side, that means I'm not being engulfed in depression about it.
I just haven't found the means to be able to interact comfortably or confidently with anyone lately. I've gotten so sick of going to the bar by myself and just talking with the regulars, especially when I can't even drink alcohol. I mean, what does it mean when I go out, attempt to interact, but come back home depressed, or I stay indoors, play Skyrim and don't get depressed?
Also, I figured I wouldn't be posting much here if I wasn't really making any progress. Seems like a no-brainer.
Yeah i have kinda fallen into the same mode lately. Every now and then there's something that happens that lets me taste a lifestyle where i could be happy but i always end up a nervous wreck with my anxiety and inability to communicate with new people. Typically my life is an endless series of distractions to keep me from thinking about shit. I watch a lot of movies and stuff.
Shit sucks.
Cygnus X-1
Member
Why don't you ask some male friend to come with you for a change. Maybe he knows some girl and you can get to know her too! This happens so often! And about depression: dude, you're a man. Move your ass and work! Love is a battlefield you know! Remember that lucky dudes are very rare. Unlucky people like me will remain unlucky if they don't do anything. Working is the only solution.
Well, the problem is you can't really do that if you don't have any male friends to begin with either.
Trying to get to know strangers at my age is tough when you're doing it all on your own. Sure, that's the way it's supposed to be done (no one else is gonna help you after all), but for some like myself (thankfully rare) it's not easy, especially with mental issues always coming up at the worst times.
Heh, believe me, I wish I could do away with my depression/anxiety/panic with a wave of a wand. Unfortunately the meds I'm on and the therapy is my only comfort from that at the moment.
Think about this: Combine is over 30 years old and has not known the pleasure of a woman, both physically or emotionally. You would think that his hormones would be raging at this pint, but no. it's back to the gaming den, a weird isolated space where he can hibernate. Perhaps when he is a 40 year old, friendless virgin, he'll wake up in a fright one day and realized that life spent in the comfort zone is no life at all. Until then, it'll be more fear and passive aggressive posts.
Cygnus X-1
Member
I'm sure that many people already said that to you but....girls are still part of the human species you know. They're not monsters. I mean: I'm also 26 and I've not been particularly lucky with women in my life, but it's possible to reach something if you keep working hard. 30 years old is not old. But 40: yes, and you'll reach that age in no time.
I would start like I did: don't concentrate yourself on what you cannot change, like your face. Concentrate on what you can change, i.e. if you're clean, decently dressed, possibly fit, shaved and be just...natural. Surprisingly, the best think to approach women is not to directly think on sex. Just speak with them like you normally do. Then, after you got to know her a tiny bit, you can push her in that direction.
Be of course prepared to many no! I'm broad-shouldered and you better be too, but never stop trying! Results will show, I'm sure. It's no use closing yourself with Skyrim. Forget about games. Do you know? I actually bought Skyward and I did not even finish first dungeon! I was too busy outside with friends and work! Still no girlfriend for now, but I can see that coming in the short-medium term, because now that I have some solid friendship base, it is much easier to move.
Edit: about "you don't know any male friends". My recept: try many sports and many hobbies. I'm recently learning Japanese and I just finished Basic Human Relations. And now I want to start Ju-Jitsu. Oh, and lot of sports. Sport has the double advantage that you become fit and you meet new people. This is the way, and I assure you: before that I was without friends as well. IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE! If you want.
luckyboyceo
Member
I've had some odd dreams before. It hasn't happened in awhile, but when it did it was definitely the same girl and I certainly had feelings for her in my dream state.
It was weird enough for me to keep thinking about it after it had happened. She was a reoccurring character for awhile but like I said, it hasn't happened in quite some time.
But yeah, you're not alone.
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