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[NihonTiger90]

To answer: In a way, yes. Only in the sense I wished she were real.

 

[Skel1ingt0n]

That was sad and long story, but I have to wonder what are your needs in a relationship? Out of both of the long posts you've made, it seems that you're catering to her, that you only give and she only takes.

I honestly think I'm a pretty easy going guy, and I really don't ask for much. It doesn't really bug me, either. I'll call on my girlfriend's time, be there if she wants to go out, will give her space if she asks, will wake up early or stay up late, meet her parents, invite her with my friends, run errands, listen to her rant, support her endeavors, drive when she's not in the mood, etc, etc. In 4.5 years, I never once called her a name, I never screamed at her, I would never think of hurting her. Sure, I got frustrated, and a few times when I started rasing my voice I'd have to tell her I need some space for a few hours, but that we could discuss it the next day. Actually, one time we got in a really big argument about 2 years into our relationship. I don't recall what over, but even then I remember it being over something terribly stupid. Anyway, we get in this big argument, and I tell her goodnight; but I just can't talk to her right then. I go to my dorm room, and about an hour later she knocks and tells me that her rommate has a bunch of friends over and she can't sleep (and she has a test the next morning). It was only a couple weeks into the school year, so I didn't have extras of anything. So, even after this big argument we were in the middle of, I told her she could have my tiny top bunk; I gave her my one tiny blanket and one shitty pillow that I had. And then I slept on the hard floor using a hoodie for a blanket and a crumpled up pair of jeans for a pillow.

There are really only three things that I ask for:

1) At least one long evening or afternoon a week to be a bum and play video games; and as an extension, I do a lot of midnight releases on Monday nights which means I'm out of commission for a few hours. I know GF >> video games. But I expect that a GF shouldn't kill my hobby.

2) She has to get along with my mom/sister and best friend, and I have to be able to get along with her immediate family. I've come to learn things are just much easier this way.

3) I need to feel wanted/loved. Nothing major. So long as we fool around every once in a while, I'm fine with that - I don't need sex three times a day or anything. But it's the little things; maybe a small trinket when she's out and about to show she was "thinking about me", or a kiss on the cheek in front of her friends, a big hug when I see her. Nothing major... but "touching" I guess, as lame as that sounds, is important to me.

Otherwise; last minute plans sabtoage our date night? No biggie. Need me to meet you somewhere 45 minutes away at the last second? I'll be right there. You need me to pick up tampons while I'm at Walmart? Certainly. lol




And to the poster asking if we could have given it another shot after finals...

I wanted to. Trust me. But she graduates in May and I imagine she'll move right away. Considering she's at school up until then, I just knew things might get momentarily better - but only because we're ignoring the true root of the problem. Because we were steadily "getting ready" for the breakup, I think I knew if I didn't do it, I was just delaying the inevitable. And no matter what, it was going to hurt... but I couldn't be a baby and just ignore the problem. I think she would have put on a smile and tried... but the problem goes further than that - I think, as much as it sucks, we just grew to be different people.

 

[Cygnus X-1]

I honestly think I'm a pretty easy going guy, and I really don't ask for much. It doesn't really bug me, either. I'll call on my girlfriend's time, be there if she wants to go out, will give her space if she asks, will wake up early or stay up late, meet her parents, invite her with my friends, run errands, listen to her rant, support her endeavors, drive when she's not in the mood, etc, etc.

There are really only three things that I ask for:

1) At least one long evening or afternoon a week to be a bum and play video games; and as an extension, I do a lot of midnight releases on Monday nights which means I'm out of commission for a few hours. I know GF >> video games. But I expect that a GF shouldn't kill my hobby.

2) She has to get along with my mom/sister and best friend, and I have to be able to get along with her immediate family. I've come to learn things are just much easier this way.

3) I need to feel wanted/loved. Nothing major. So long as we fool around every once in a while, I'm fine with that - I don't need sex three times a day or anything. But it's the little things; maybe a small trinket when she's out and about to show she was "thinking about me", or a kiss on the cheek in front of her friends, a big hug when I see her. Nothing major... but "touching" I guess, as lame as that sounds, is important to me.

Otherwise; last minute plans sabtoage our date night? No biggie. Need me to meet you somewhere 45 minutes away at the last second? I'll be right there. You need me to pick up tampons while I'm at Walmart? Certainly. lol

You're good guy. Just like me. Problem is that we usually are the most screwed ones!

 

[Combine]

I'm sure that many people already said that to you but....girls are still part of the human species you know. They're not monsters. I mean: I'm also 26 and I've not been particularly lucky with women in my life, but it's possible to reach something if you keep working hard. 30 years old is not old. But 40: yes, and you'll reach that age in no time.

True, time is going by fast, and I am already older than 30. Not sure how to work hard on the problem though.

Surprisingly, the best think to approach women is not to directly think on sex. Just speak with them like you normally do. Then, after you got to know her a tiny bit, you can push her in that direction.

Again, it comes back to not knowing how to approach a stranger. What do you say after "hello". How can you initiate contact when most people are talking with someone else or are buried head-first in their cell phones?

It's no use closing yourself with Skyrim. Forget about games.

Is that really the answer? I mean, again, playing games makes me happy. Why would I close off something that is keeping me off of becoming super depressed or falling back into panic attacks? I love videogames, that's not going to change.

Edit: about "you don't know any male friends". My recept: try many sports and many hobbies. I'm recently learning Japanese and I just finished Basic Human Relations. And now I want to start Ju-Jitsu. Oh, and lot of sports. Sport has the double advantage that you become fit and you meet new people. This is the way, and I assure you: before that I was without friends as well. IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE! If you want.

That's all well and good if you have the time to do those things. I have been unable to find any group to meetup with (and yes, looked on meetup, it sucks) that doesn't conflict with my work schedule. What do you do and where do you go if you cannot find a place to meet other people that isn't a bar?

 

[soultron]

This is going to sound naive, but find a new job with different hours.

I used to work in the restaurant industry and the shifts until 4AM killed me and my social life. I didn't have time or energy to do anything outside of work. Work itself was a really negative atmosphere since every restaurant I've worked in was poorly managed.

I got out, work at a gym and on regular hours, and am loving life now. I love my job and the people here. I get to work out for free. I have a social life again because I'm done, at the latest, 10PM.

Try shaking things up. I know that I'm 23 and you're over 30, but consider this. Where you spend the most of your day is dragging your life down, from the sounds of it.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Same attitude I have. Whenever I have a setback (which I've had lots of those lately) I just tell myself "Some girl is gonna be at the right place and right time and will tell herself how did she ever live without having me in her life"

I like to think the same way. That some day, someone will be awfully happy that everyone else passed me up.

 

[Etrian Oddity]

This is going to sound naive, but find a new job with different hours.

I used to work in the restaurant industry and the shifts until 4AM killed me and my social life. I didn't have time or energy to do anything outside of work. Work itself was a really negative atmosphere since every restaurant I've worked in was poorly managed.

I got out, work at a gym and on regular hours, and am loving life now. I love my job and the people here. I get to work out for free. I have a social life again because I'm done, at the latest, 10PM.

Try shaking things up. I know that I'm 23 and you're over 30, but consider this. Where you spend the most of your day is dragging your life down, from the sounds of it.

Same here, dude. I lost my social life for the fall semester because of a stupid job I kept in a kitchen which threw 28+ hours on me a weekend. Guess how many dates I went on last semester.

(The funny thing is that fall actually started off really well for me, and then quickly went to shit.)

 

[Bryan1321]

So after two after trying two times to go on in a date with the girl i talked about earlier in the thread. the response was "I cant go this day" and then "its too late (6:00 PM)".

What do you think?. is a safe way for her to say No to me ?


Because if i keep trying maybe its becoming just akward for her


Time to bail out? and focus on other girls?

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

Christmas is such a shitty time to be single, what I wouldn't give to write a text to my ex saying how much I miss spending time with her. Some girl has been messaging me and wants to meet up Friday and I feel I should just to do something, but my god she doesn't come close to my ex. I don't want to string this girl along, I wanna move on if I can't get my ex back, but she isn't the one.

I've written so many texts with things I want to say to my ex, but just can't ever bring myself to send them. Its been over a year, I can't forget the feelings I have for her. I honestly believe she's the one that got away and its killing me. Fuck sake. Id do anything just to speak to her but the fear of being rejected or ignored would literally crush my soul, and I don't want to ruin my family's Christmas, last year I was a wreck and although I'm trying to hide it, I'm equally as upset this year. 2011 has been a wasted, boring, useless and utterly shitty year. To everyone who's missing someone this Christmas for whatever reason, I know that feel.

 

[Fisticuffs]

Christmas is such a shitty time to be single, what I wouldn't give to write a text to my ex saying how much I miss spending time with her. Some girl has been messaging me and wants to meet up Friday and I feel I should just to do something, but my god she doesn't come close to my ex. I don't want to string this girl along, I wanna move on if I can't get my ex back, but she isn't the one.

I've written so many texts with things I want to say to my ex, but just can't ever bring myself to send them. Its been over a year, I can't forget the feelings I have for her. I honestly believe she's the one that got away and its killing me. Fuck sake. Id do anything just to speak to her but the fear of being rejected or ignored would literally crush my soul, and I don't want to ruin my family's Christmas, last year I was a wreck and although I'm trying to hide it, I'm equally as upset this year. 2011 has been a wasted, boring, useless and utterly shitty year. To everyone who's missing someone this Christmas for whatever reason, I know that feel.

It really is time to move on, brother. A year is too long for this kind of self-imposed pain you are feeling. Just stand in front of a mirror and focus on your qualities and tell yourself you are good enough to move on, find a girl you love, and resume your life a happy man.

 

[ecurbj]

So after two after trying two times to go on in a date with the girl i talked about earlier in the thread. the response was "I cant go this day" and then "its too late (6:00 PM)".

What do you think?. is a safe way for her to say No to me ?


Because if i keep trying maybe its becoming just akward for her


Time to bail out? and focus on other girls?

Bail. She is using excuses to make you lose interest. You got her number you did the right thing by asking her out.

Move on. Her loss.

 

[~Kinggi~]

Maybe in 2012 ill stop being a pathetic virgin

Spoiler

lol i been saying that for 10 years! fml

 

[Bryan1321]

Bail. She is using excuses to make you lose interest. You got her number you did the right thing by asking her out.

Move on. Her loss.

Yeah its the best thing to do.... i dont see this going anywhere...

Anyway feels kind of strange ... this was the first time i got a girls number... and i though it was progress. Time to start looking again..


Thanks ecurbj

 

[johnny_park]

I've been hanging out with this girl for a little more than a month. She's really awesome. I love hanging out with her however we were making out one day and then we suddenly stop because she wants to tell me something. She tells me she has herpes. I have no idea what to do. She's super cool and I have lots of fun with her but I sure as hell don't want no std. What do I do?

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

It really is time to move on, brother. A year is too long for this kind of self-imposed pain you are feeling. Just stand in front of a mirror and focus on your qualities and tell yourself you are good enough to move on, find a girl you love, and resume your life a happy man.

Thank you for the kind words. I have tried to think this way but its not true to myself, I still love my ex and can't stop. I don't think I can move on until I actually want someone else. The problem is there is no one else I want. If I could pick between any celebrity or actress or whatever and my ex, my ex would win every time. Bad, I know.

 

[~Kinggi~]

I've been hanging out with this girl for a little more than a month. She's really awesome. I love hanging out with her however we were making out one day and then we suddenly stop because she wants to tell me something. She tells me she has herpes. I have no idea what to do. She's super cool and I have lots of fun with her but I sure as hell don't want no std. What do I do?

lol Reminds me of a story my friend told me. Except she told him on the first date, not after a month. Good lord that sucks. Drop her my friend.

 

[ecurbj]

Yeah its the best thing to do.... i dont see this going anywhere...

Anyway feels kind of strange ... this was the first time i got a girls number... and i though it was progress. Time to start looking again..


Thanks ecurbj

No problem. And it is progress. Rejection is good in itself because you can learn from it and sooner you will be nothing to you because you will be use to it. So when you feel like a girl is using excuses or is stringing you along. You see right thru her at the gate and won't ever have to worry about her rejecting you later. And it wil feel strange at first because your doing something your not use to doing.

That's the whole point. It builds your confidence. Know your a nice guy, know that any girl will want you. Know you are who you are. And if a girl rejects you, just know she, herself will be missing out on someone valuable as you.

Keep your head up young grasshopper. I am learning that myself. I soon will be posting my experiences. I'm just waiting for 2012 to start because that will be one of my New Years Resolution.

"Time to start looking again..." is an awesome tag line. Because there are plenty of ladies out there waiting for you.

 

[MTE]

OK, I just need to vent. Why not do it in public?

Posted a while ago about a girl at work that I'd been chatting to over email quite a bit. I invited her to minigolf some time ago, but she was ill. We continued to talk over email, and in person for a few minutes most days. This last weekend I decided I'd ask her to lunch, which I did over email (Unfortunately, this is the only way to speak to her privately at all) on Monday and she accepted, and seem enthusiastic. We'll be going next week on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday depending on the weather forecast, as we'll be outside.

The point being - I'm going stir-crazy! I just want to skip xmas and go straight to the lunch. (I wouldn't call it a date, as I'm not sure she sees it that way, as much as I'd like her to) Like some here I have almost zero experience in dating etc. I've never had the feeling that someone's in to me, and have no idea how to infer it. My self-esteem is low thanks to being morbidly obese for the first 25 years of my life. (I'm 26) and even now I'm just on the upper edge of overweight. Plus, she's amazingly beautiful.

I think, if lunch goes well, which it should, I'll ask her out to what's unambiguously a date. Dinner and a movie, most likely. I just hope I have the guts.

So yeah, not really asking for tips, just ranting... Maybe how to think positive? My mood is fluctuating so wildly it's crazy.

 

[Fisticuffs]

Thank you for the kind words. I have tried to think this way but its not true to myself, I still love my ex and can't stop. I don't think I can move on until I actually want someone else. The problem is there is no one else I want. If I could pick between any celebrity or actress or whatever and my ex, my ex would win every time. Bad, I know.

You really need to get out of this line of thinking. It's not healthy and your ex is not perfect. Break from this girls' spell!

 

[PBY]

OK, I just need to vent. Why not do it in public?

Posted a while ago about a girl at work that I'd been chatting to over email quite a bit. I invited her to minigolf some time ago, but she was ill. We continued to talk over email, and in person for a few minutes most days. This last weekend I decided I'd ask her to lunch, which I did over email (Unfortunately, this is the only way to speak to her privately at all) on Monday and she accepted, and seem enthusiastic. We'll be going next week on Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday depending on the weather forecast, as we'll be outside.

The point being - I'm going stir-crazy! I just want to skip xmas and go straight to the lunch. (I wouldn't call it a date, as I'm not sure she sees it that way, as much as I'd like her to) Like some here I have almost zero experience in dating etc. I've never had the feeling that someone's in to me, and have no idea how to infer it. My self-esteem is low thanks to being morbidly obese for the first 25 years of my life. (I'm 26) and even now I'm just on the upper edge of overweight. Plus, she's amazingly beautiful.

I think, if lunch goes well, which it should, I'll ask her out to what's unambiguously a date. Dinner and a movie, most likely. I just hope I have the guts.

So yeah, not really asking for tips, just ranting... Maybe how to think positive? My mood is fluctuating so wildly it's crazy.

1. The bolded is a critical point- she needs to know your intentions; this obviously doesn't mean profess your love to her
2. Play it cool, put this out of your mind til xmas
3. Just have fun man. Be yourself.

 

[soultron]

Thank you for the kind words. I have tried to think this way but its not true to myself, I still love my ex and can't stop. I don't think I can move on until I actually want someone else. The problem is there is no one else I want. If I could pick between any celebrity or actress or whatever and my ex, my ex would win every time. Bad, I know.

All you do is post about her, for the most part. You're crowding your own mental airspace with your constant thoughts of her.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

All you do is post about her, for the most part. You're crowding your own mental airspace with your constant thoughts of her.

Yes this is true, she is always on my mind. I just don't think I'll be able to move on for a long time, I have literally no interest in any other women at the moment. The thought of being with anyone else is just unthinkable right now, almost repulsive. :/

 

[TheSchwab_7]

Alright GAF so here's my current situation with the girl I went out with last Friday.

I'm currently in Cali so all we've been doing is occasionally texting back and forth.

I told her that I was going to Cali for 10 days and she was pretty bummed out because she said that she wouldn't be able to see me. That it was going to be too long of a wait. She also told me that she liked me, and that I treated her better than any other guy has. She then mentioned that we should go on a second date so that we could go ice skating and after I could show her all of my pics from Cali. So I told her I was going to take her out on the 28th.

Now...she had a boyfriend for 3 or 4 years on and off. And this guy is obsessed with her and they aren't together, but he still has her in his profile picture on Facebook, still comments that he loves her, etc. It's weird. She doesn't acknowledge any of it, but it makes me think about what shes doing on the side. She tells me that she wants to see what happens with me, so I'm thinking alright let's see what happens, but I don't want to get involved with her if shes still creeping around with her ex. From what she tells me, she doesn't want anything to do with him, so I'm gonna trust her for now.

Thoughts?

 

[Takuya]

Yes this is true, she is always on my mind. I just don't think I'll be able to move on for a long time, I have literally no interest in any other women at the moment. The thought of being with anyone else is just unthinkable right now, almost repulsive. :/

It's understandable to still miss someone, but look at it from the other perspective, she 'literally' has no interest in you any longer. You need to move on, in some way or another. It's not even a question about thinking about other women or not, but just do something to get your mind off this.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Fun thing I learned about OKC: "Near me" doesn't mean within 25 miles of where you live. "Near me" means lives on the same city block, apparently. :-\

 

[soultron]

Yes this is true, she is always on my mind. I just don't think I'll be able to move on for a long time, I have literally no interest in any other women at the moment. The thought of being with anyone else is just unthinkable right now, almost repulsive. :/

Even if you're not looking to meet other women, if you are constantly and needlessly plaguing your mental space with thoughts of someone you'll never be with again (and who isn't either as special or super human as you make her out to be), perfectly good women are going to slip through your fingers because you'll be too preoccupied. You're probably going to miss out on other great opportunities in life because you most likely won't even try befriending women for the sheer sake of being friends.

Thinking about her, especially months and months later, is literally a waste of your waking moments.

You don't think you'll be able to get past her because you're not telling yourself that you want to. You need to want this for yourself, however. None of us pestering you and telling you that you're wallowing is going to really help you.

 

[Miguel]

Bucket-o-roadkill,

I agree with what everyone here is saying. You may not want to hear it (I know I haven't in the past, it's difficult to give up what's comfortable, even when it becomes uncomfortable. It's probably safe to assume your ex has moved on. I'm not sure if I've read the story as to why you guys split, but whatever it was, if she initiated it, then she didn't want to continue the relationship. If you ended it, then clearly at some point there was something that pushed you in that direction.

Whatever the case is, all you're doing is poisoning your mind by telling yourself over and over that she's the one, and how you can't even possibly even consider anyone but her.

I know it's hard to get out of the previousgirl-tinted glasses frame of mind, but it has to happen eventually. Whether it takes a really bad night where you realize it, or you come across someone, or you just one day realize you went 24 hours without thinking about her and realize how great it felt... something will budge eventually that'll push you over that edge. You can't get to that point though unless you at least actively try to change your mindset. It's not going to happen overnight, might take weeks, maybe longer, but eventually if you continue to do things to push you in that direction, whether it's just befriend new people, new girls, with no intent of dating them, or finding random chicks to sleep with, or just plain having a friend or two knock some sense into you... you'll look back at the past year plus and be really pissed off at yourself for wasting so much of your life on someone who at this point shouldn't matter to you anymore romantically.

We can all continue to give advice, but if you're not willing to make the change, then there's not much we can do either.

On a slightly different note, I've seen you give some advice that usually is very negative, to NihonTiger in particular maybe a week or two back, as well as other times. I don't particularly think it's very helpful. Sure not everything is rainbow and sunshine for everyone, but doom and gloom isn't going to work for anyone either. If you want to continue poisoning yourself, then that's well within your right, we can't tell you what to do with your life, just give suggestions. Just please don't try to distribute that same poison to others. Just wanted to throw that out there.

 

[Miguel]

Fun thing I learned about OKC: "Near me" doesn't mean within 25 miles of where you live. "Near me" means lives on the same city block, apparently. :-\

Did you end up on a date with your mother?

 

[kid ness]

Trying to get to know strangers at my age is tough when you're doing it all on your own. Sure, that's the way it's supposed to be done (no one else is gonna help you after all), but for some like myself (thankfully rare) it's not easy, especially with mental issues always coming up at the worst times.

It's definitely not easy, but that doesn't mean you should stop trying. Excuses are rationalizations you make when you think you can't do something; you should be focusing on how you can improve, instead of making excuses why you can't.

 

[NihonTiger90]

Did you end up on a date with your mother?

lol no. I haven't ended up with anything yet. No responses from any messages I've sent, but not much I can do but keep trudging on.

 

[jaxword]

Yes this is true, she is always on my mind. I just don't think I'll be able to move on for a long time, I have literally no interest in any other women at the moment. The thought of being with anyone else is just unthinkable right now, almost repulsive. :/

You need to let go of her, son.

LET GO.

I suggest you go go the gym and work off some of that pent up energy. Seriously, go wail on a punching bag for 30 mins. You'll find you feel exorcised of your demons. You can't obsess over something if you have no more energy to do so.

 

[TheVampire]

Is this txt message from this girl weird?:

Fun fact: It is exactly one month today since we first went out. Insert "Awww" here. HaHa Hope your having a good night

 

[Larson Conway]

Help needed:

Quick, random birthday greeting on FB from me to someone I used to "hang out" with: "****, happy happy birthday!!!"

Reply on wall post: "Thanks, ****! Haven't seen you in a LONG time! Happy Holidays to you and your family!"

"Long time" being 4 months without communication whatsoever. I'm tempted to think this might be some sort of encouragement for me to initiate reconnecting -- or I might to be reading too much into it 'cause that's what I want to believe. Help? lol

 

[ecurbj]

Help needed:

Quick, random birthday greeting on FB from me to someone I used to "hang out" with: "****, happy happy birthday!!!"

Reply on wall post: "Thanks, ****! Haven't seen you in a LONG time! Happy Holidays to you and your family!"

"Long time" being 4 months without communication whatsoever. I'm tempted to think this might be some sort of encouragement for me to initiate reconnecting -- or I might to be reading too much into it 'cause that's what I want to believe. Help? lol

She EMPHASIZED "long" for a reason. She maybe wants you to connect again to catch up. I would just ask her what she is doing for her birthday. And see if you can come out and hang with her.

 

[ecurbj]

Alright GAF so here's my current situation with the girl I went out with last Friday.

I'm currently in Cali so all we've been doing is occasionally texting back and forth.

I told her that I was going to Cali for 10 days and she was pretty bummed out because she said that she wouldn't be able to see me. That it was going to be too long of a wait. She also told me that she liked me, and that I treated her better than any other guy has. She then mentioned that we should go on a second date so that we could go ice skating and after I could show her all of my pics from Cali. So I told her I was going to take her out on the 28th.

Now...she had a boyfriend for 3 or 4 years on and off. And this guy is obsessed with her and they aren't together, but he still has her in his profile picture on Facebook, still comments that he loves her, etc. It's weird. She doesn't acknowledge any of it, but it makes me think about what shes doing on the side. She tells me that she wants to see what happens with me, so I'm thinking alright let's see what happens, but I don't want to get involved with her if shes still creeping around with her ex. From what she tells me, she doesn't want anything to do with him, so I'm gonna trust her for now.

Thoughts?

So you don't trust her or are you being insecure? It's not your problem that her ex is obssess with her. She is the one that needs to plant the seed "IT'S OVER" to him to let that shit sprout so that he knows it's over.

You continue hanging out with her. That is if you want to pursue her. You two are just friends right now. So continue your friendship with her and see where it goes from there.

Fuck that other dude. If he starts to annoy you tell her to get him out her life because your all about moving on. If she doesn't do anything, then bail.

 

[ecurbj]

Yes this is true, she is always on my mind. I just don't think I'll be able to move on for a long time, I have literally no interest in any other women at the moment. The thought of being with anyone else is just unthinkable right now, almost repulsive. :/

If this isn't the right time to use this meme. Now it is

 

[PhoenixSFT]

Is this txt message from this girl weird?:

Fun fact: It is exactly one month today since we first went out. Insert "Awww" here. HaHa Hope your having a good night

I don't see how that text could possibly be bad...

 

[woodchuck]

went on a first date with this random girl I met at a bar. She's fun, smart, cute, etc.

Except she happens to be a Dane Cook fan. Bail out?

 

[daviyoung]

went on a first date with this random girl I met at a bar. She's fun, smart, cute, etc.

Except she happens to be a Dane Cook fan. Bail out?

She can't be that fun or smart then. Or can she?

 

[Miguel]

went on a first date with this random girl I met at a bar. She's fun, smart, cute, etc.

Except she happens to be a Dane Cook fan. Bail out?

Use this to your advantage ... do a random stupid leg kick... she'll think it's the funniest shit ever, be all over you. fuck her brains out and then bailout ...lol

Or just go with it ...you guys aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. Her liking a dumb comedian shouldn't be a deal breaker... unless it's Carlos Mencia.

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

went on a first date with this random girl I met at a bar. She's fun, smart, cute, etc.

Except she happens to be a Dane Cook fan. Bail out?

Whats wrong with Dane Cook????

Spoiler

Who give a shit if she likes him??? Def not a deal breaker at least imo

 

[Sub_Level]

Went on my first ever date last night. Bowling then casual restaurant then an ice cream shop then Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (which is the most awkward date movie ever btw). Overall it went OK.

PROS:
- She laughed a lot and seemed to be enjoying herself. Paid most attention to me and not her phone
- I kept the energy up. Things never got too awkward or dull
- I was confident as balls

CONS:
- We had met previously at a BBQ where I held hands with her. I didn't do that on this date and beyond some playful touching I didn't elevate the physical aspect at all.
- She payed for hernown movie ticket and the restaurant I took her to wasn't super nice but I spent way too much money on her
- At the end of the date I told her I had fun. She looked at me with a smile and said it was "interesting". I asked if that was a good thing (with a smile) and she said she didn't know yet. I think that was her nice way of saying I blew it lol

 

[Johnlenham]

I've had some odd dreams before. It hasn't happened in awhile, but when it did it was definitely the same girl and I certainly had feelings for her in my dream state.

It was weird enough for me to keep thinking about it after it had happened. She was a reoccurring character for awhile but like I said, it hasn't happened in quite some time.

But yeah, you're not alone.

Happenend o me aswell. part the weirded me out the most was how real it felt. Dream girl leans in to kiss me and I wake up in my bed next to my gf,confused as fuck as THAT felt liek the dream.

 

[mj1108]

went on a first date with this random girl I met at a bar. She's fun, smart, cute, etc.

Except she happens to be a Dane Cook fan. Bail out?

Hit it and quit it.

 

[woodchuck]

Use this to your advantage ... do a random stupid leg kick... she'll think it's the funniest shit ever, be all over you. fuck her brains out and then bailout ...lol

Or just go with it ...you guys aren't going to see eye to eye on everything. Her liking a dumb comedian shouldn't be a deal breaker... unless it's Carlos Mencia.

Haha I was just being facetious. I know that's not a dealbreaker. But she does happen to be a Rockets fan

 

[KungFuBill]

Hi ManGaf,
Sorry for the long post, but I'm aware I'm a bit of a noob and nobody really knows me. Also, this is pretty new ground for me (turnign to the internet for advice - WHAT HAVE I LET MYSELF IN FOR?!). I'd really appreciate some opinions about my current situation if you can skim through the following...

Background:
Following a breakup in January last year, I took some time for myself and then began dating again. Now, I'm a pretty emotionaly stable kind of girl and I had used hook-up sites in the past, i.e. dating sites with no qualms about their users - people who want sex with no expectation of a LTR. That was all I wanted so I signed myself back up and met two guys over the following weeks. Everything was fine, the one guy was a one off meet and the second I saw 3-4 times over the following 8week period.

Then I met another guy and the first time we met we were both in the same place (mentally, obviously we were also together physically!) - didn't really want a serious LTR but wanted some fun and good sex. Who doesn't, right?

Ended up, we got on really well! Had a lot in common, enjoyed a really good night and the sex was great too. He text me the next day and the following days, we met again a few days later. Then a week after that.

A fewer months later we went away for a weekend together, not far - just a neighbouring city. We spent another weekend together after I booked us gig tickets. At one point I was staying at his so much I had pretty much half of my wardrobe there. He's introduced me to his cousin (who he is really close with) and we went to his cousin's birthday drinks night together - where a lot of his mates were also. I've met his mother. Last weekend I cooked for us and my parents came to dinner.

RECENT:
I'm feeling really good about this and, for possibly the first time in my 27 years I've found a guy I would like to see a future with. All gravy right?

There's just some niggling doubts about his perspective on 'us':

He's very reluctant to acknowledge us as a couple - after 7months of being somewhat involved is that a bit weird? When I asked him about it he said it was because after his last relationship ended he's worried about being hurt again, he doesn't want me to feel like I'm being led on and isn't sure how long it'll take for him to decide or work out what he wants. I find this a fair enough reason and if it was just that then I'd be content and continue to wait patiently for him to decide if he wants to be with me.

However, the other concern does not bode well, in my eyes. He is still actively signing in to the web site we met on. A web site the majority of people will use to hook up for casual sex. I also asked him about this (I didn't hide the fact I saw his internet history - I'm not that sort of girl, I stubbled on it whilst looking for a site I had previously visited on his laptop) and why he felt the need to use it still. He said it was just to chat to 'people'.

Gaf, I'm not a jealous girl - he has a lot of female friends, spends time with other women at his work and on nights out etc. That's fine, I think it's good to have space and maintain your individuality and appreciate he gets on with women, as I get along with men (my best buddy is a guy). But to be wanting to chat to women online?? Is this fair game??

I can't help feeling like perhaps I'm just a good option until something beter comes along. That might stem down to my own issues though, I'm not a big self-hater and consider myself to be rather average looking but I'm aware that I'm not a size 6 stunner.

I can be patient guys, I'll continue to wait for him - I think he's worth it if he CAN commit to me. But for how long? I don't want to play the fool here. Extra info: I'm 27, he's 33.

 

[CherryWoodFuton]

Hi ManGaf,
Sorry for the long post, but I'm aware I'm a bit of a noob and nobody really knows me. Also, this is pretty new ground for me (turnign to the internet for advice - WHAT HAVE I LET MYSELF IN FOR?!). I'd really appreciate some opinions about my current situation if you can skim through the following...

Background:
Following a breakup in January last year, I took some time for myself and then began dating again. Now, I'm a pretty emotionaly stable kind of girl and I had used hook-up sites in the past, i.e. dating sites with no qualms about their users - people who want sex with no expectation of a LTR. That was all I wanted so I signed myself back up and met two guys over the following weeks. Everything was fine, the one guy was a one off meet and the second I saw 3-4 times over the following 8week period.

Then I met another guy and the first time we met we were both in the same place (mentally, obviously we were also together physically!) - didn't really want a serious LTR but wanted some fun and good sex. Who doesn't, right?

Ended up, we got on really well! Had a lot in common, enjoyed a really good night and the sex was great too. He text me the next day and the following days, we met again a few days later. Then a week after that.

A fewer months later we went away for a weekend together, not far - just a neighbouring city. We spent another weekend together after I booked us gig tickets. At one point I was staying at his so much I had pretty much half of my wardrobe there. He's introduced me to his cousin (who he is really close with) and we went to his cousin's birthday drinks night together - where a lot of his mates were also. I've met his mother. Last weekend I cooked for us and my parents came to dinner.

RECENT:
I'm feeling really good about this and, for possibly the first time in my 27 years I've found a guy I would like to see a future with. All gravy right?

There's just some niggling doubts about his perspective on 'us':

He's very reluctant to acknowledge us as a couple - after 7months of being somewhat involved is that a bit weird? When I asked him about it he said it was because after his last relationship ended he's worried about being hurt again, he doesn't want me to feel like I'm being led on and isn't sure how long it'll take for him to decide or work out what he wants. I find this a fair enough reason and if it was just that then I'd be content and continue to wait patiently for him to decide if he wants to be with me.

However, the other concern does not bode well, in my eyes. He is still actively signing in to the web site we met on. A web site the majority of people will use to hook up for casual sex. I also asked him about this (I didn't hide the fact I saw his internet history - I'm not that sort of girl, I stubbled on it whilst looking for a site I had previously visited on his laptop) and why he felt the need to use it still. He said it was just to chat to 'people'.

Gaf, I'm not a jealous girl - he has a lot of female friends, spends time with other women at his work and on nights out etc. That's fine, I think it's good to have space and maintain your individuality and appreciate he gets on with women, as I get along with men (my best buddy is a guy). But to be wanting to chat to women online?? Is this fair game??

I can't help feeling like perhaps I'm just a good option until something beter comes along. That might stem down to my own issues though, I'm not a big self-hater and consider myself to be rather average looking but I'm aware that I'm not a size 6 stunner.

I can be patient guys, I'll continue to wait for him - I think he's worth it if he CAN commit to me. But for how long? I don't want to play the fool here. Extra info: I'm 27, he's 33.

At one point you're going to have to have a serious talk with him about these issues. Put it all out there on how uncomfortable you feel about him being on these sites, on how his reluctancy to acknowledge your relationship is hurting you, etc. You have to know where he stands on this issue because he needs to be on the same page for this relationship to work.

 

[ecurbj]

KungFuBill,

It seems to me that he isn't on the same page as you. You want to take this relationship you two have to the next level. He doesn't want to for his listed reasons. I would seriously encourage you to sit down and talk to him. You wouldn't want to he dragged along whereas your time with him could of been spent on someone who is wanting you as we speak.

Talk to him. The worst it can turn into is him either getting upset because he told you why he doesn't want a relationship right now or he could be honest and tell you how he truly feels about you two.

Talk to him ASAP!

 

[soultron]

KFB,

Adding to what others have said, you caught feelings from what should've been a FWB situation. I'm not saying you messed up, but to expect him to change when he went onto that site with the express purpose of having sex tells you a lot about yourself: you're ready for a serious relationship. It might not be with him.

Also, because he's still on the site, I pray that you've been using protection. He might not be 100% honest about his activities on the site.

If he's not on the same page as you are, you're only hurting yourself by wanting something you won't get from him. The funny thing is that you're basically dating and then some. You've both "exchanged" serious family members? That's serious shit. You don't do that when you're in a FWB situation. That's how you get yourself into the mess you're in now. You need to pump the breaks on this if he wants to introduce you to more family members or anything serious like that. That's stuff a guy's GF does, not someone he's merely "seeing."

It's been 7 months and this guy is 33. He needs to shit or get off the pot.

Funnily enough, my roommate is in a very similar situation. She meets guy through friends, they hook up all the time, they do very couple-y things (they just put up a christmas tree together), he buys her jewellery, they got xmas gifts for one another, and he tells her she's perfect. It's been 7 months. His friends are all telling him, "Dude, you're an idiot, date this girl because she's awesome." And, even though nearly said, "I love you," he recently freaked himself out and said he only wants to be friends with my roommate.

My roommate is a mess. She wants to be with him so badly, just to be acknowledged as his GF. She keeps telling him nothing will change. (It won't because she's a busy girl with her own life.) But this guy just doesn't get it.

Still, unless she stands up for herself and gives an ultimatum, she's only punishing herself. Would I usually say to use an ultimatum? Not for men, absolutely not -- but as a woman, sure. Especially 7 months into things.

Stand up for yourself and get what you deserve. If it's not with him, someone else better will come along. Don't punish yourself.

All the best, KungFuBill.

 

[Bucket-o-roadkill]

On a slightly different note, I've seen you give some advice that usually is very negative, to NihonTiger in particular maybe a week or two back, as well as other times. I don't particularly think it's very helpful. Sure not everything is rainbow and sunshine for everyone, but doom and gloom isn't going to work for anyone either. If you want to continue poisoning yourself, then that's well within your right, we can't tell you what to do with your life, just give suggestions. Just please don't try to distribute that same poison to others. Just wanted to throw that out there.

I apologise. My takes on things are decidedly negative I guess. Not surprising really, lol

I appreciate the thoughts of people posting on my situation, very kind for you all to take the time out to give me advice. The main factor in all this is I need a catalyst in my life to move on to the next chapter, but right now its not possible. I have a small social circle now (I lost around 10-15 friends a couple of years back because my PREVIOUS ex cheated on me with my best friends brother. Most of my friends cut me out because they had no back bone to confront them about it and would prefer to stay out of trouble because I wouldn't kick up a fuss. My thoughts were they can go to hell if they wanna side with evil scum), which consists of like 6 people, half of which are in a relationship. 2 guys have never had a GF, and the other just.. wants to drive around all day in the car or go to mcdonalds,etc. he never wants to go out to pubs or clubs, it makes me sick because these friends dont wanna come out, they're all younger than me but they'll look back when they hit my age and think oh SHIT! but by then I'll be in my mid 30s and fucked.

I dont get to meet girls that often and when I met my ex on a dating site it was like a breath of fresh air, I had a life again. She was more beautiful than any woman I had ever been with or seen before. Unlike previous girl friends, she seemed to CARE about me, my family, how I felt about things. We could talk for hours about anything. I could make her laugh any time I wanted by saying something dumb. She could have any man she wanted but she had chosen me for that time during 2010 and I'll never forget it. What hurts me now isn't the fact I will never find anyone else, what hurts me is I will never meet someone like that, it was a one off. A fluke. Of course I could go out and date other women, I have done throughout 2011, and it was an UTTER DISASTER. That is not the answer and I need to move on mentally before trying that shit again. The dates weren't totally horrendous or anything, I just didn't fancy the girl and it made things real awkward real fast.