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[The Shadow]

Am I the only person in this thread who thinks Boring > Ugly?

Yes.

Given the choice, a girl will generally pick someone who is more interesting before someone who is better looking. Granted, this is more from a relationship standpoint and less from a one night stand thing. A girl will fuck any decent looking guy but if you want a relationship with a woman, you better be interesting in some way. Any way really.

And hell, if all you can list is WoW and/or videogames as an interest, you're boring. Lots of people play WoW and videogames but they do other things on top of that as well. It's not their bread and butter.

Not sure where you would put this but here are the two greatest pieces of advice my grandfather ever gave me:

"Never sleep with a woman with more problems than you because her problems will become yours".

"Always tell a woman she's beautiful, especially if she isn't".

That first is some of the best piece you can ever get. If you suspect a woman is clingy and a little obsessive, fucking listen to your gut. If you sleep with her, you might as well have asked her to marry you.

because it's too "heavy" - you want to keep it light. saying "let's hang out at this spot at this time" already says "i want to know you more" but without being so blatant about it

I honestly can't disagree more with this advice. Look at all these girl-gaf and "nice guy" threads and you'll see the same theme every single time. The guy didn't let his intentions known so the girl assumed they were friends and now they're stuck. If a guy is interested, he needs to let her know. "I wanna bend you over and smash" is heavy. "I want to get to know you better" is fine.

If she's interested, great. If she's not, then she'll let you know. Either way, there's no wishy-washyness months later or a suicide watch when she starts dating someone else.

 

[jon bones]

I honestly can't disagree more with this advice. Look at all these girl-gaf and "nice guy" threads and you'll see the same theme every single time. The guy didn't let his intentions known so the girl assumed they were friends and now they're stuck. If a guy is interested, he needs to let her know. "I wanna bend you over and smash" is heavy. "I want to get to know you better" is fine.

If she's interested, great. If she's not, then she'll let you know. Either way, there's no wishy-washyness months later or a suicide watch when she starts dating someone else.

I'm going to have to disagree with you - "I wanna bend you over and smash" is inappropriate, "I want to get to know you better" is heavy and "let's do this thing at this place" is, IMO, perfect.

Once you guys are actually physically hanging out, you should increase intimacy and playfully joke and get close so she knows what's good. Then kiss her at the end of the first date. That's the part where lots of people on GAF fail. Why wait for months to find out? And what if she's just interested in a non-serious relationship? "I want to get to know you better" is a tired line and it has tinges of relationshipyness to it - no need to make things more serious than it needs to be.

 

[-PXG-]

She decided at some point to just give it to you. Roll with it like nothing happened.

Yeah, thats what I'm gonna do. I'll probably just tease her about it later, and ask why she had a change of heart.

 

[siddx]

Also, telling a girl you want to smang is a a sure fire way to get laid at anytime, anyplace.
Just say the words "lemmie smang it girl" and you are in like gungadin.

 

[CzarTim]

Yeah, thats what I'm gonna do. I'll probably just tease her about it later, and ask why she had a change of heart.

Bad idea, dude. Don't mention it unless she brings it up. Don't make her regret giving it to you.

 

[ReiGun]

New thread looks great. I used to lurk the old one from time to time. Sad to see Combine is gone, but if Evilore did it to help, then it's really for the best. I hope everything works out for him.

I'm going to try and participate in this one more. I got some good advice the few times I actually did post, so why not? My friends are pretty much stumped when it comes to me and women (one of them said I was a "complex case"). Of that achievements list, I've managed to do the first two at various points. I have female friends, so I know I'm not entirely repulsive to women. I know I need to up my confidence, but that's proving to be easier said than done and I'm starting to lose the faith.

 

[djtiesto]

Brief online dating advice

-Never use online dating as your primary source of dating. Use it as a supplement to meeting girls in person.

-Always make sure the girl has a full-body pic in her profile. The "angle" shot isn't an Internet urban myth.

-Something to do with the above... on dating sites, "Curvy" is a euphemism for obese.

-The different dating sites appeal to different demographics. Match.com is a general dating site with the most traffic, but also the most competition. It's the easiest site to find girls willing to go out on a date. OKCupid tends to have more of the nerdy and hipster girls, and also more "alternative" girls. But a lot of girls sign up for the site just to take their quizzes and thus may not be as receptive to dating. eHarmony tends to get lots of people looking to settle down right away, and attracts more religious girls. It's also the priciest, and you have to rely on the site's matching algorithm to find you matches (instead of generally searching by area or common interest like on the other sites). Plus, you have to go through a multi-step process to communicate with your matches, where you answer brief questions about yourself. Plentyoffish... Never tried POF myself, but I know people who have had success.

-Communicate with as many girls as you can juggle, at first. The girls you are seeking are probably going out with a ton of people as they are dating you, and then they decide on what one they like best.

-Your first email to the girl should NOT be a robotic/generic message. Tailor it exclusively to the girl. Mention one or two things about her profile, or about her pictures. If she has a pic of herself in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa, ask her what she thought of Italy. If her music taste meshes with yours, ask her if she's been to any cool concerts recently.

-Many girls on dating sites are on it for a confidence-boost. Guys vastly outnumber girls on the sites, and feel the need to shower the ones there with attention. An average-looking girl who wouldn't get a second look at a meat-market bar, suddenly becomes belle of the ball when online. NEVER praise a girl's looks online (of course, you can and should mention something unique about her pictures, like if she's wearing a cool shirt).

-Email etiquette: Don't get into email-limbo with a girl. After 2 or 3 back-and-forths, it's time to ask for the cell phone # and a date. Don't respond immediately to an email (give it a 1 or 2 day buffer), but at the same time, don't leave them hanging for a week or so. When she gives you the cell phone #, call her and set up a time/place.

Other general things I picked up

-A great first date is the "activity date". Bowling, mini golf, going to Dave and Busters, shooting pool... far beats coffee. If you and the girl don't have a lot to talk about, at least you will have SOME fun playing games or shooting pool. Plus, it gives great opportunities to tease ("come on, can't believe you missed THAT shot!" after she messes up on a 7-10 split), and make light physical contact (slap her five if she gets a strike).

-If things aren't going well, don't be afraid to bail out. Why suffer through til the end?

-This should be obvious... but discussion about politics and religion on a first date don't mix.

 

[kiryogi]

Ah great to see it back and possibly even better than ever. I personally myself only have only managed the first 2 a few various times as well. But I really do want to change that. Definitely gonna be watching this thread a lot. I'm still having personal issues with moving on myself from my recent thing. It's just gonna take some time.

 

[Solideliquid]

How about some bullet points for ending a relationship?

 

[The Shadow]

"I want to get to know you better" is heavy

It's really not. How in the world is that heavy? That's such a passive attitude.

 

[norinrad]

:lol
I don't know if being ugly is better than being boring. You can change boring.
It's a fun rule though.

I heard on a tv show once, i think it was Fred Sandford who said you can loose weight if you are fat but you can't change ugly

 

[Max@GC]

She talks about previous boyfriends to you (more than once)

What does it mean if a girls does this pretty early?

 

[CzarTim]

She talks about previous boyfriends to you (more than once)

What does it mean if a girls does this pretty early?

She's thinking about them, not you.

 

[The Shadow]

I heard on a tv show once, i think it was Fred Sandford who said you can loose weight if you are fat but you can't change ugly

Honestly, you can probably change ugly too, at least a little bit.

If you ever look around there's very few truly ugly people (except walmart). At worst, people are just kinda average and forgettable but that can be fixed by dressing better and acting confidently instead of like Richard Prior.

Plus, it's kinda relative anyway. I've seen some pretty ugly guys that for one reason or another, had some girl find him attractive. There's always beer.

She talks about previous boyfriends to you (more than once)

What does it mean if a girls does this pretty early?

She's not interested in you as a romantic/love interest. Girls don't talk about ex BFs to guys they're interested in. It doesn't really matter if all it ever is is negative talk, she's not going to talk about other guys to anyone she's interested in period.

 

[Enco]

She talks about previous boyfriends to you (more than once)

What does it mean if a girls does this pretty early?

Might mean she's still not over them and she might still be attached.

Is she showing any other signs?

:lol it's sounding like it's a list of symptoms.

Great advice dj.

Anyone have anything on where to go to meet girls, how to act, what not to do, how to improve or how to know if she's right?

 

[Xun]

She talks about previous boyfriends to you (more than once)

What does it mean if a girls does this pretty early?

It depends how she speaks about them I guess.

 

[Lionheart1827]

A word about match.com:

Be aware(at least the last time I tried it a year ago) that there is no way to tell who is a paid or non paid user. This means you can send out a message to somebody and they won't be able to respond unless they pay the subscription fee. So be aware of this, I'm not sure if they changed it either, but that's the way it was when I last tried it.

 

[The Shadow]

Might mean she's still not over them and she might still be attached.

Is she showing any other signs?

:lol it's sounding like it's a list of symptoms.

Great advice dj.

Anyone have anything on where to go to meet girls, how to act, what not to do, how to improve or how to know if she's right?

Where to go meet girls

Honestly, anywhere. If you specifically want to concentrate on meeting women, I guess a bar/club or a dating group would be fine but I've meet all my exes in normal places like coffee shops, bookstores, class, shopping at the mall, etc and never at a bar. I always say, if you see someone you're interested in, just go up to them and start a conversation. At worst, you'll more than likely never see her again. At best, well, a date, gf, relationship, wife, fuck buddy, friend, etc. If you do nothing, you get nothing. If you do something, you still might not get anything but your odds are far better.

How to Act

I don't think you should "act" a certain way to meet women, particularly if you want a relationship as opposed to a hookup. Girls aren't stupid and if they detect that you're just putting on an act, they'll split. If you think you're having trouble meeting women because of the way you act, it's not just with women, it's probably how you interact in social situations in general so work on that. Go join a club, any club, that puts you in novel social situations so you can get more comfortable with it and see how others talk, act, and behave. Just doing that, you'll start to notice your "luck" with women change. If the idea of meeting new people at a party or social gathering makes you feel uncomfortable, this is definitely something you need to work on.

What Not to Do

Treat a girl you're interested in like a guy friend. That's a sure fire way of screwing things up. I personally knew of one guy who would do this in order to be more comfortable around women but it more often than not would backfire on him. One girl at a party even asked me if he was interested in her because she said he gave her mixed signals. Treat them like a lady (which doesn't mean be a pushover).

How to Know If She's Right

Honestly, you're not going to know this just talking to her or going out with her a few times. You CAN'T know this unless you get to know them after a time. You may not know it for weeks or months or even years. Don't even bother worrying about it unless you've been in a relationship with her long enough that next steps come up like moving in together or getting married.

 

[Max@GC]

alright ok...and this
She's trying to move things along too quickly
the last girl i had an affair with did this. I just saw her once in a bar, barely talked to her, left and added her on facebook. A couple of weeks later she suddenly texts me in the night via facebook that she feels bored and wants me to come over to watch some movies...she just wanted to fuck right?

 

[Xun]

alright ok...and this
She's trying to move things along too quickly
the last girl i had an affair with did this. I just saw her once in a bar, barely talked to her, left and added her on facebook. A couple of weeks later she suddenly texts me in the night via facebook that she feels bored and wants me to come over to watch some movies...she just wanted to fuck right?

Yes.

 

[Scarecrow]

Well you sure took your damned time. If this doesn't work out, remind yourself that you HAVE to pulling out moves FROM MINUTE ZERO.

good luck! touch her a lot!

:lol We're both incredibly awkward, so I'm trying to take a measured approach. Today went well, though I failed to initiate any kind of physicality.

She's down for coming over to my place later in the week. I'm going to cook us some dinner and watch the show. With any luck, I'll have the will power to kiss her or something. :lol

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

You really should rename the thread into "How to get laid-age" because that seems to be the overall goal judging by the "achievements" and posts.

Quoted for the god damn truth. Great OP though.

I was awesome earlier today. Red head. Still in "shit yeah" mode.

 

[The Shadow]

alright ok...and this
She's trying to move things along too quickly
the last girl i had an affair with did this. I just saw her once in a bar, barely talked to her, left and added her on facebook. A couple of weeks later she suddenly texts me in the night via facebook that she feels bored and wants me to come over to watch some movies...she just wanted to fuck right?

Probably.

If that's a turn off, don't fret. Take it as a compliment that you're good enough for a booty call, even if you're not a taker.

 

[Enco]

Thanks for the info guys!

Added it to my version of the op and PXG should update the main op when he's back.

alright ok...and this
She's trying to move things along too quickly
the last girl i had an affair with did this. I just saw her once in a bar, barely talked to her, left and added her on facebook. A couple of weeks later she suddenly texts me in the night via facebook that she feels bored and wants me to come over to watch some movies...she just wanted to fuck right?

As was said earlier, yup.

 

[jon bones]

It's really not. How in the world is that heavy? That's such a passive attitude.

i disagree and encourage you to read my post again - nothing in there is passive and i resent the accusation. it's an awkward, tired phrase and it implies a lot of relationshipy stuff. what's not passive is being direct and making a time/place to hang out again soon. keep it light until you're physically together and then be intimate with her. she'll get the point.

which brings me to this bit i'd like to discuss:

the phrase itself is bad because it's telling her what to do. Demanding that she call you when she gets your message. People don't like to me told what to do. Even if it's something they WANT to do.

i think Men don't like being told what to do but Women seem to respond very well to directives. obviously you can't "demand" or be obnoxious about it but as much as Women may talk about not wanting to be led - they do. again, don't be demanding and don't be obnoxious but be assertive.

With any luck, I'll have the will power to kiss her or something. :lol

you need her to view you as a sexual creature, and soon

 

[DualShadow]

Wow this thread moved fast, good to see some new faces in here as well.

 

[Max@GC]

ok thx.

How to Act

I don't think you should "act" a certain way to meet women, particularly if you want a relationship as opposed to a hookup.

What Not to Do

Treat a girl you're interested in like a guy friend. That's a sure fire way of screwing things up. I personally knew of one guy who would do this in order to be more comfortable around women but it more often than not would backfire on him. One girl at a party even asked me if he was interested in her because she said he gave her mixed signals. Treat them like a lady (which doesn't mean be a pushover).

That´s a paradoxon to me.

 

[The Shadow]

That´s a paradoxon to me.

How so? You shouldn't act a certain way to impress anyone. You should treat a girl like an actual girl and not like one of your guy friends. Not seeing how they conflict there.

 

[Enco]

ok thx.

That´s a paradoxon to me.

Be yourself only if you're not a rude and obnoxious guy.

Be nice and don't act fake (e.g. speak in a different accent).

edit: Explained better above.

 

[jon bones]

That´s a paradoxon to me.

i think he means that you don't need to put a facade on but you should adjust your behavior if you act like a pushover/straight bitch

 

[Max@GC]

How so? You shouldn't act a certain way to impress anyone. You should treat a girl like an actual girl and not like one of your guy friends. Not seeing how they conflict there.

It´s just that I have to act different around her than I act around my guy friends. So I act different.

 

[Enco]

It´s just that I have to act different around her than I act around my guy friends. So I act different.

Yes, that's normal.

Just don't be someone you're not.

 

[jon bones]

It´s just that I have to act different around her than I act around my guy friends. So I act different.

i act differently around my boss and my friends - doesn't mean i'm two different people

 

[Max@GC]

i act differently around my boss and my friends - doesn't mean i'm two different people

That´s the thing. I always do and behave what and how I want because I fear to depersonalize and want to treat everyone the same. Means I act around girls like I act around my guy friends. Regarding the boss is another story imo...I think here you can act like as fake as you want cuz he´s not your friend.

 

[siddx]

How about some bullet points for ending a relationship?

Good idea.

a few.

[*]Stage 1 (the break up)
Clean, simple, fast. Once you know it has to end, end it. With as little nonsense as possible.
Accept that 99% of the time you are no longer going to be friends. Worrying about what she is going to think about you is a waste of time.
If you have to be a jerk to get it done, so be it. Better that than 3 days and nights of crying and pouting and accusations and arguments. Tell her to get the fuck out. Again, you aren't going to be friends afterwards, if it looks like this is heading towards a long drawn out event, get out of there by any means necessary.


[*]Stage 2 (post break up)
If it's a bad/serious break up
Erase her from phone
Erase her from email
Erase her from facebook
Erase her from you life
you may cherish your memories with her someday, but right now all they are doing is holding you down and fucking you in the eye socket with no lube.
Surround yourself with friends/family
Keep occupied
Get a haircut
Buy some new clothes
Take a trip
Make some new memories
Don't think about finding someone new, think about yourself for a while

If it's a whatever break up
Go get laid and have some fun


[*]Stage 3 (is that....?)
You will see her again at some point. Either in person or via someone elses facebook page or something of the sort.

Bad breakup
Keep right the fuck on strutting like you don't even recognize her.

Whatever breakup
See if you can get laid, if not, keep right the fuck on strutting like you don't even recognize her




Another golden rule to remember in all things relationship

Don't listen to anecdotes

"My aunt broke up with her husband for a year before they got back together again and ended up getting married"
"My buddy was in a long distance relationship and he ended up getting married to the girl!"
"I dated my high school sweetheart all through college and we never cheated on each other!"
"I'm still great friends with my ex!"

If 1000 people jump off a building and 4 people live, that doesn't make jumping off said building a smart thing to do. Odds are still 99% you ending up with your brains smashed all over the sidewalk. If it was the most likely outcome, it wouldn't need anecdotal evidence to "prove it".

 

[jon bones]

That´s the thing. I always do and behave what and how I want because I fear to depersonalize and want to treat everyone the same. Means I act around girls like I act around my guy friends.

my thoughts:

-not everyone DESERVES to be treated the same (your friends have been with you through thick and thin so you are more open with them, your woman hasn't earned that amount of trust yet)

-not everyone SHOULD be treated the same (talk shit on football sundays with your boys not at thanksgiving dinner with your mom)

 

[-PXG-]

Bad idea, dude. Don't mention it unless she brings it up. Don't make her regret giving it to you.

I do that kind of shit all the time, and never have problems. I just wanted to know she had a sudden change of heart.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

So I've been flirting with a cute barista in a small coffee shop right next to my office and she reciprocates and gives me a free drink every now and then. I've thought about asking her out but I don't know if I want to put the free drinks in jeopardy.

What say you, GAF?

 

[Baby Milo]

:lol at a gaf players guide

turn these AFC's around

 

[VGChampion]

So I've been flirting with a cute barista in a small coffee shop right next to my office and she reciprocates and gives me a free drink every now and then. I've thought about asking her out but I don't know if I want to put the free drinks in jeopardy.

What say you, GAF?

Do it.

 

[Enco]

I do that kind of shit all the time, and never have problems. I just wanted to know she had a sudden change of heart.

Hey dude, last update for now.

http://www.neogaf.com/forum/showpost.php?p=24663309&postcount=123

Just replace the op with that and it should be done for a bit. Plenty of info there to keep people going for now.

And make sure you remove everything in the current op so you don't get repetitions of things.

So I've been flirting with a cute barista in a small coffee shop right next to my office and she reciprocates and gives me a free drink every now and then. I've thought about asking her out but I don't know if I want to put the free drinks in jeopardy.

What say you, GAF?

:lol are the drinks that important?

Go for it I say.

 

[Max@GC]

my thoughts:

-not everyone DESERVES to be treated the same (your friends have been with you through thick and thin so you are more open with them, your woman hasn't earned that amount of trust yet)

-not everyone SHOULD be treated the same (talk shit on football sundays with your boys not at thanksgiving dinner with your mom)

I don´t know where this behaviour comes from but I view people as fake personalities who behave completely different to every person so I always want to be myself. To give you an example I would hate it not to talk shit at moms thanksgiving dinner. And if I hate it how I behave I feel like I behave fake. So I talk shit at moms thanksgiving dinner to be myself...if that makes any sense.

 

[siddx]

Do it.

Server - customer relationships are a class by themselves. It's hard to tell real interest sometimes. And often even is she is attracted to you, she won't go through with it because you are a customer.
Ask her out.
Worst you'll have to do is go to a different coffee shop.

 

[The Shadow]

That´s a paradoxon to me.

How so? You shouldn't act a certain way to impress anyone. You should treat a girl like an actual girl and not like one of your guy friends. Not seeing the conflict there.

Brief online dating advice

This is all pretty solid advice. I wanted to pick a few things and add to them but it's all pretty good.

-The "angle" thing mentioned above is so GD true. There are plenty of overweight girls who have a normal looking face so they only take face/head shots. Granted, if you're ok with girls who are overweight, then don't be too concerned about this but every single time a girl has posted just head shots, she was overweight. And not just "thick" or chubby, but overweight.

-The general advice with the different dating sites is true. I only really stay on OKCupid as I've met the best matches on there so far. PoF in my experience is populated by lots of desperate ugly women. I've never met anyone from there but I always get emails from random women all the time. I haven't been on that site in a while. eHarmony is....odd. I don't know if it's just me but their matching algorithm sucks. I'm a happy-go-lucky kind of guy that works to live. They matched me three times with women who were extreme Type As. Woman who under normal circumstances I would never ever want to date. Now, by some miracle I actually got along with one of my matches and we've become friends but yeah...never ever would I date someone like her.

-The email advice is solid. Email many girls that interest you. Don't make a template and send that to all of them. Type each email to each girl and make it unique each time. Reference things in her profile so she knows you actually read it. If she wants to continue chatting/emailing after a few emails, she's probably not interested and is being overly passive about letting you know. If a girl is interested, she'll want to go out, not be a pen-pal. Also, if you don't get a response, don't send another email. She got your message the first time and choose not to respond. Move on.

-Activity dates are best, as said. If you actually ask women what they like to do on a first date, I would guarantee that none of them would say "dinner and a movie". It's such a generic date. And honestly, it doesn't always have to feel like a date either. One first date I had I invited her to go Christmas shopping with me and we both had a good time. I don't think I bought a single thing.

-I think I skipped it but it was mentioned before, some of these girls get on these dating sites for the ego boost or just to test the waters. IE, they can be incredibly flaky compared to girls you meet in real life. Don't take it personally if things seem solid at first but then she poofs for seemingly no reason. You probably didn't do anything wrong, it's her. As said before, this'll be different depending on the site you're on. OKCupid you'll see this a lot. eHarmony and PoF, not so much as they're only for dating and not social networking.

So I've been flirting with a cute barista in a small coffee shop right next to my office and she reciprocates and gives me a free drink every now and then. I've thought about asking her out but I don't know if I want to put the free drinks in jeopardy.

What say you, GAF?

Like I said before, you do nothing, you get nothing. You try something, you're odds are far better. If you're really interested and she seems like a good girl, is it really that big of a risk to miss out on a few drinks here and there? If she's not interested, it's not like you have to stop talking to her. More likely, absolutely nothing will change.

Edit: siddx is right. Any time you're dealing with someone in the service industry, their real intentions are up in the air. Are they just really good at what they do, customer service, or are they genuinely interested in you. It's hard to tell and any time you deal with someone in the service industry, you probably shouldn't get your hopes up.

But like I said, it's not going to hurt anything to try. I briefly dated a barista. It didn't work out (obviously) but I don't regret it at all, even though I now pay for my drinks and deserts.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

:lol are the drinks that important?

Go for it I say.

I'm certainly not desperate so if I could get a girl somewhere else and keep the free drinks, that would be just peachy.

 

[lopaz]

So I've been flirting with a cute barista in a small coffee shop right next to my office and she reciprocates and gives me a free drink every now and then. I've thought about asking her out but I don't know if I want to put the free drinks in jeopardy.

What say you, GAF?

Ask her out for a coffee. Lol.

 

[The Technomancer]

Another thing that I noticed came up a fair bit in the other thread, and that I could certainly stand to re-read, if anyone wants to spout some advice:
How to initiate conversation when you have literally nothing to use as an opener.

 

[Jamesfrom818]

Ask her out for a coffee. Lol.

I've thought about that and I know I can't ask her out for coffee. I know a couple of awesome ice cream shops but its getting a little cold in LA now.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

WHERE'S THE ACHIEVEMENTS!!!!!!!!!!

 

[ATF487]

So I've been flirting with a cute barista in a small coffee shop right next to my office and she reciprocates and gives me a free drink every now and then. I've thought about asking her out but I don't know if I want to put the free drinks in jeopardy.

What say you, GAF?

If there's another coffee shop nearby, then yes. If not, no. It would suck to have to travel much longer to avoid the awkwardness if something happened, and free drinks are pretty awesome

Spoiler

Totes serious