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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need

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-PXG-

Member
aktham said:
Why don't you try being single and not looking a while? Nothing wrong with being single bro :D

I hate being single. I don't feel the same without having a lady around. Yeah, my happiness shouldn't be placed into someone else, but I don't like flying solo. I like to experience life with someone special. There are certain social voids that only a woman can fill ;)
 
I get where you're coming from with regard to other people in general, and I've felt the same way at times. However, I've found that if you end up going on long rants about how you feel other people aren't living up to your expectations or are disappointing/frustrating you, it means that you need to look within yourself at your own attitudes towards life and the world around you.

I know that comes off as kind of a bullshit thing to say, but it's really worked for me a ton of times.
 

-PXG-

Member
HappyBivouac said:
I get where you're coming from with regard to other people in general, and I've felt the same way at times. However, I've found that if you end up going on long rants about how you feel other people aren't living up to your expectations or are disappointing/frustrating you, it means that you need to look within yourself at your own attitudes towards life and the world around you.

I know that comes off as kind of a bullshit thing to say, but it's really worked for me a ton of times.

I've set very low expectations for others around me. But I guess even those are too high. I try to give the people the benefit of the doubt and some level of respect, But it seems that everyone gives me reasons to expect the worst and not want to deal with them.

People are very odd indeed. I'm quite odd myself. I can be creative, artistic, avant garde and think way outside the box. But at the same time, I can be very rigid, narrow and exhibit machine-like logic. I can be Mr. Social and the life of the party, or a complete hermit and have utmost disdain for humanity. And no, I'm not bipolar :p

EDIT

HOLY SHIT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UUEhNnk7om0&feature=player_embedded#!

:lol :lol :lol

Definitely what NOT to do, but funny as hell.
 

aktham

Member
-PXG- said:
I've set very low expectations for others around me. But I guess even those are too high. I try to give the people the benefit of the doubt and some level of respect, But it seems that everyone gives me reasons to expect the worst and not want to deal with them.

People are very odd indeed. I'm quite odd myself. I can be creative, artistic, avant garde and think way outside the box. But at the same time, I can be very rigid, narrow and exhibit machine-like logic. I can be Mr. Social and the life of the party, or a complete hermit and have utmost disdain for humanity. And no, I'm not bipolar :p

Well if you're a logical person who hates being single and/or alone, then be prepared to be disappointed...A LOT :lol I hope somebody here maybe similar to you can give you advice, because I'm a little different than you.

I'm an optimistic realist, who's comfortable in a relationship and/or being single. Both have their pros and cons. I don't need relationship to define me, so I am comfortable being single until the right girl comes along and then I ask her on a date (crazy check) and see if I establish a relationship with her. I wish you best of luck with your method tho.
 
-PXG- said:
I hate being single. I don't feel the same without having a lady around. Yeah, my happiness shouldn't be placed into someone else, but I don't like flying solo. I like to experience life with someone special. There are certain social voids that only a woman can fill ;)

You sound co-dependent dude. You need to challenge yourself to be single and happy.
 
The Shadow said:
You sound co-dependent dude. You need to challenge yourself to be single and happy.

This. I was in a relationship for 5 years, broke up, was sad about it for a week and then decided the world was my burrito and I set out to figure out who I was by myself. Only after I spent about half a year on my own was a really ready to jump into anything else. Sounds like you need to do that.
 
WyndhamPrice said:
This. I was in a relationship for 5 years, broke up, was sad about it for a week and then decided the world was my burrito and I set out to figure out who I was by myself. Only after I spent about half a year on my own was a really ready to jump into anything else. Sounds like you need to do that.

I got out of a 6 year relationship a few months ago, I'll admit I was down for more then just a week but now I'm at the stage of just loving being single, seeing my friends alot more and just doing a lot more stuff in general. Kinda been a bit tough cause we were together from when we were 16 till 22 so in a way its good cause I can more about myself being solo.

I've also made a shit tonne of new friends since being single that I wouldn't have made if I was still with my ex. I kinda had to make new friends since the majority of other friends are all in relationships and don't wanna hit up pubs/clubs/whatever that much.

Even family and friends have noticed the difference :lol

I'm prob not ready to jump head first back into a relationship but I'll just play it by ear and see what happens :D

/pointless rant?
 

-PXG-

Member
The Shadow said:
You sound co-dependent dude. You need to challenge yourself to be single and happy.

I'm independent in pretty much every other respect. Already, a lot of my time and what I do is done solo. Any more of it, I'd be a complete hermit :p I prefer doing many things alone, while some things, I don't. I know what makes me happy. I know what I want. Being with other people makes me happy. Therefore, I pursue it.

I know a lot of people, have a ton of acquaintances, but I've never really had a close knit group of friends. Again, that's due to others' flakiness and people being bullshitters. I don't want to put myself in a spot where I have to associate with people who aren't true to me and won't give me mutual respect.

I have a love/ hate thing with people in general. I don't necessarily get mad when things don't go my way. I've accepted the hard fact that nothing goes anyone's way, ever. That's just how it is. But I don't expect those, who claim to be my friends, to disrespect me or lie to me either. I shouldn't have to be on my toes with around those who are supposed to care about me.

I always have this sense that I have to be on a look out for someone to screw up or fuck me over. I think that way because of the people I've dealt with all my life. No matter where I've been, no matter who I talk to, no matter who I hang out with, I've never truly connected with people or found anyone I can trust. And whenever I do find people I trust, we either go on with our lives, fall out of contact or they end up betraying me.

Now. Perhaps I give to much of myself to others and I set myself up for disappointment. Maybe that's why I get so upset. However, whenever I go out on a date, my only expectation is to have fun. Not to get a kiss, get laid or get promised a second date. Just as long as we have fun, I'm happy. However, don't give me the impression that all is good, and out right say you like me and want to see me, and then flip flop the next day with the complete opposite. That's not fair and doesn't make any sense. There is absolutely no excuse to play me like that. I don't do it.

Again, I want to like people, but they make it hard by taking advantage of both my patience and kindness. I'm a person too. There's only so much bullshit I can put up with. I can be the nicest person you ever meet, or the most cold hearted, meanest motherfucker on Earth. I let others choose as to which side of me they want to see. I don't want to be anyone's enemy. I'd love to be your best friend. But do me wrong, and swear, I would watch you bleed to death and not do a damn thing to help. I'm a simple guy and easy to please. Just be honest with me and appreciate me for who I am. I ask nothing else from others. Don't put me on a pedestal and kiss my ass. Don't give me merit for shit that isn't worth crediting. You don't have to tell me how amazing I am or shower my in compliments I don't deserve. Seriously, as cliche and as this sounds, just be REAL with me. That's all. But apparently, that is WAAAAAAY too much to ask.


...Not YOU of course, folks in general. :lol
 

Qwerty710710

a child left behind
I had a date today.It went pretty well we made each other laugh, and talked about many things. It was nice hopefully this is a start of something good. :)
 

-PXG-

Member
Qwerty710710 said:
I had a date today.It went pretty well we made each other laugh, and talked about many things. It was nice hopefully this is a start of something good. :)

Congrats. Just don't get too emotionally invested with this one. Do that and you should be fine regardless of what may come out of it.
 

duk

Banned
it's weird when u don't feel like going on a date or spending time with some hotties and you'd rather just chillax
 
duk said:
it's weird when u don't feel like going on a date or spending time with some hotties and you'd rather just chillax

I don't see why. Women are stressful, even if everything is going well. Sometimes it's good to just chill.
 

SRG01

Member
So tonight's date was interesting. It was very relaxed, but I don't think I have any particular chemistry with this girl for some reason. She could be a good friend, but I don't get a particularly "warm" feeling from her.

However, I did bump into a girl I dated during my "crazy idiot" years a few years back. She was the cashier at Staples, so I couldn't just avoid her. Needless to say, I pretended that I didn't know her, and got out of there as fast as I could. :lol
 

soultron

Banned
Tkawsome said:
I don't see why. Women are stressful, even if everything is going well. Sometimes it's good to just chill.
I disagree. Women aren't stressful, IMO. Certain ones are, but painting them all as stressful is unfair to the ones who aren't.

I think if you find women stressful you should examine why you feel that way.
 
soultron said:
I disagree. Women aren't stressful, IMO. Certain ones are, but painting them all as stressful is unfair to the ones who aren't.

I think if you find women stressful you should examine why you feel that way.

Read the OP of this thread and try to ask why they aren't stressful again. It's an endless number of rules, do/do nots, ways you need to act, dealing with their "tests" and constant judgment. I mean, just read any post in this thread. Shit is maddening.

Personally, I have trust issues as well, so even success is stressful as hell.
 

Eggo

GameFan Alumnus
-PXG- said:

It sounds like you have some issues you need to work through. You're not comfortable being single, and that isn't healthy. You also have this negative attitude that pops up every once in a while which is bound to affect your relationships.

You're not living in the real world if you expect women to come out and tell you why they don't like you. Most people (guys and girls) are not that confident in themselves to deliver a message like that to someone's face. Expecting that of girls who don't know you is foolish on your part. Recognize when you're being let down easy and stop getting your panties in a bunch about the way the world is.

Your constant date updates sound like a broken record, and yet you don't seem to be making any progress in terms of forming a connection. It's like you're trying too hard to convince you or us that you're something that you're not.
 

soultron

Banned
Tkawsome said:
Read the OP of this thread and try to ask why they aren't stressful again. It's an endless number of rules, do/do nots, ways you need to act, dealing with their "tests" and constant judgment. I mean, just read any post in this thread. Shit is maddening.

Personally, I have trust issues as well, so even success is stressful as hell.
You don't have to hit every note correctly to make music with girls. I think you're worrying too much.

Dating itsn't maddening. If that was the case, none of us would want to do it. Dating is fun.

I think you're projecting your trust issues here. Not that it's a bad thing or that you're wrong, I just think that's what's going on.
 

Aesius

Member
Internet girl ended up texting me at work last night. Surprised the hell out of me. We texted from about 7 p.m. to 1 a.m.

Been talking to her again today. I'm going to ask her if she wants to hang out tomorrow. I would call her but she specifically wrote in her profile that she doesn't like talking on the phone.

She's really fucking cute, and yeah - I've got my hopes up for this one. Wish me luck.
 
You "hang out" with friends, you "go out" with potential mates. Small difference but a huge one. Remember women are creatures of labels and definitions. They always want things defined so they can understand how they are supposed to act. Stop asking girls to hang out, start asking them to go out on dates.
 
soultron said:
You don't have to hit every note correctly to make music with girls. I think you're worrying too much.

Dating itsn't maddening. If that was the case, none of us would want to do it. Dating is fun.

It's strange though. It's not like I'm really worried or anything, it just makes it seem like a ridiculous scene. Like Madden, as much as I would like to get into it there's just too much BS for me to follow along and the only winning move is not to play.

soultron said:
I think you're projecting your trust issues here. Not that it's a bad thing or that you're wrong, I just think that's what's going on.

This might be right. I hope not though, because if it is I'm screwed.
 

SRG01

Member
sooperkool said:
You "hang out" with friends, you "go out" with potential mates. Small difference but a huge one. Remember women are creatures of labels and definitions. They always want things defined so they can understand how they are supposed to act. Stop asking girls to hang out, start asking them to go out on dates.

In this day and age, many people hang out instead of date and a couple still hangs out in a relationship.
 
Most of the guys in here are not getting anywhere with women by trying to "hang out". Man up, be ready to face the rejection and move on instead of almost trying to sneak into a relationship by lots of psuedo-dates. let a woman know that you want her. Why do you think that as soon as one of the guys posts how he asked some chick to hang out her next words are "So this is just being friends, right?" Right then almost all these cats give up, at least be upfront and say "no, I don't see you like that. I'm trying to see if we connect on another level."
 
SRG01 said:
In this day and age, many people hang out instead of date and a couple still hangs out in a relationship.


Once your in a relationship with a girl you can hang out.

But if your trying to be in a relationship with a girl she needs to see you as a potential partner not a cool friend to 'hang out' with.
 

SRG01

Member
DualShadow said:
Once your in a relationship with a girl you can hang out.

But if your trying to be in a relationship with a girl she needs to see you as a potential partner not a cool friend to 'hang out' with.

I would disagree with that, since many of my friends who've had the most successful long-term relationships (and marriages!) always hung out at first. It's never a clear-cut scenario.

Do what feels right with the girl.
 
SRG01 said:
I would disagree with that, since many of my friends who've had the most successful long-term relationships (and marriages!) always hung out at first. It's never a clear-cut scenario.

Do what feels right with the girl.

Of course there are no hard and fast rules about dating and hanging out :D

With my ex we were friends first for a while but that was back when I was at school so things were different :p
 
I think I'm slowly decaying any chance I have with my present gal.

Things tend to get sped the fuck up if I can manage to do it. It's always that way. I just gotta put the fuckin brakes on, but nope I get too invested. goddamn. It started on the wrong foot with drunk sex on the first date. Now it kind of seems like the slow, slow journey back to the start line. She's a great girl, but things seem forced. I don't know.
 

-PXG-

Member
Eggo said:
It sounds like you have some issues you need to work through. You're not comfortable being single, and that isn't healthy. You also have this negative attitude that pops up every once in a while which is bound to affect your relationships.

You're not living in the real world if you expect women to come out and tell you why they don't like you. Most people (guys and girls) are not that confident in themselves to deliver a message like that to someone's face. Expecting that of girls who don't know you is foolish on your part. Recognize when you're being let down easy and stop getting your panties in a bunch about the way the world is.

Your constant date updates sound like a broken record, and yet you don't seem to be making any progress in terms of forming a connection. It's like you're trying too hard to convince you or us that you're something that you're not.

It's not so much women, it's people in general. They let me down. I expect girls to play mind games, be insecure all pull of that dumb shit. It's annoying, but honestly doesn't get to me as much as you guys think. However, it's just when I do everything 100% to the tee, the results are fantastic and for some reason, afterwards, things go south. It's the same as having an amazing resume, knocking an interview out of the park, them telling you that you're pretty much hired, only to find out the next day you're not. It's a complete let down. There are no guarantees in life, but death. But once in a while, it would be nice for things to work as the should. My life and the dates I've been on haven't been complete busts. I'm very fortunate to be who I am and live the life I live. I've met all sorts of interesting and wonderful young women. I hope to meet many more and one that will want to take things further...

Anyway, I think have made progress. A lot. Going on these dates has helped me recover from my last relationship. I'm not longer hung up about it. I'm not as angry as I was a month or two ago. Not hearing from the my date on Sunday is a bummer, but what can I do? I know for a fact I would have been much more upset by the whole matter if she was one of my earlier prospects. But because I've given myself time to heal, reflect and see others, I'm able to set more reasonable expectations. I still have more to learn, but I'm much better off than before. And the flaky girl? Seriously, I'm way passed getting angry. It really is comical.

Honestly, I'm not trying to prove anything. It would be a colossal waste of time on my part and would serve absolutely no purpose. I'm merely making a statement, just like anyone else would. And yes, I do appreciate your comments. I needed reassurance and good old fashioned reality check. None of you are wrong. You're all correct. Deep down, I knew this myself, I just needed to figure it out my own way on my terms. I think I got things under control and can now live, with a relative peace of mind. It's not going to stop me from going out on dates or finding a new girl, but at least I will be more calm and not be as upset when things don't go according to keikaku.

Oh, I am going on a dinner date with lovely lady on Saturday night. I still have to work out my plans for next week with my other lasses ;)

Thanks again GAF. I'll be sure to cut down on my personal updates and spend more time helping others. Hope ya'll are doing well. And believe me, I feel a lot better just by letting this stuff out. I keep A LOT of my feelings inside and rarely get them out. I'm quite vocal and brutally honest, but I don't ever get to the chance to tell others how I REALLY feel about stuff. Thanks for putting up with me today guys. Means a lot.
 
PXG


I'm going to act like an old-head and tell you this....

Slow down. It feels like you are dating way too much and just because you can date that heavy doesn't mean that you should. I think a woman just like any man can tell when you are not really invested in her and by saying that i don't mean super emotionally but enough so that she may want to know more about you. It feels like you're trying to race t the end and using a lot of dates as a substitute. Sort of the shotgun approach. You need to find a happy medium where you are dating enough to be social but you are also making the women that you choose to get closer to; to see the nuances and depths of your character. You probably need to take a break and decompress and not put so much emphasis on dating or at least not so much so often.

my .02 cents.
 

-PXG-

Member
sooperkool said:
PXG


I'm going to act like an old-head and tell you this....

Slow down. It feels like you are dating way too much and just because you can date that heavy doesn't mean that you should. I think a woman just like any man can tell when you are not really invested in her and by saying that i don't mean super emotionally but enough so that she may want to know more about you. It feels like you're trying to race t the end and using a lot of dates as a substitute. Sort of the shotgun approach. You need to find a happy medium where you are dating enough to be social but you are also making the women that you choose to get closer to; to see the nuances and depths of your character. You probably need to take a break and decompress and not put so much emphasis on dating or at least not so much so often.

my .02 cents.

Well yeah, I see where you're going with that. My dad has joked with me saying that I do love women. Maybe too much :lol I guess I can't help myself. My ex would always joke and accuse me of being a player. I hardly consider myself one, mainly because I don't fuck the girls I take out. I'm game for anything else though ;)
 
So, in regards to all these posts saying to make your intentions known; what if you don't know your own intentions? I'm talking to this beautiful girl and we're hanging out Monday night, but I also like playing the field (especially as the semester starts) and keeping my options open, at least right now. What's the right amount of pressure to put on the gas, so to speak, so that I can keep my options open without being friend-zoned?
 

Ether_Snake

安安安安安安安安安安安安安安安
I'm not gonna read all that but Mike Works said it best: drop the drama. It's like you are getting some sort of revenge out of sustaining drama with women so you can blame them or put them down to make up for a previous loss with another woman who left you herself. You sound like you are playing the same games way women play.

You need to learn to carry on like the seasons do, be a man.
 
doogles said:
So, in regards to all these posts saying to make your intentions known; what if you don't know your own intentions? I'm talking to this beautiful girl and we're hanging out Monday night, but I also like playing the field (especially as the semester starts) and keeping my options open, at least right now. What's the right amount of pressure to put on the gas, so to speak, so that I can keep my options open without being friend-zoned?


Say this, provided you have had a few dates.

"I really like being with you and I don't know where its going but i'd like to find out"

If not then play it by ear but always start out with romantic intentions and if she doesnt want that then if you can handle it be friends. Never the other way around.
 

-PXG-

Member
doogles said:
So, in regards to all these posts saying to make your intentions known; what if you don't know your own intentions? I'm talking to this beautiful girl and we're hanging out Monday night, but I also like playing the field (especially as the semester starts) and keeping my options open, at least right now. What's the right amount of pressure to put on the gas, so to speak, so that I can keep my options open without being friend-zoned?

There you go. Said it right there. You don't want to settle down right not. You want to keep things open at the moment so you still have room to explore.

Well, just do whatever you want with her and do whatever you want with others girls. As long as you're not in a relationship (and if you are, make sure you're explicit that it's open) then you have nothing to worry about. You're not committed just yet.
 
Thanks guys. I'll hang out with her and whatever happens, happens. I've resolved not to worry about it so much ;)

Speaking of which, PXG, I think I'm agreeing with the other guys here. No one should be posting that many enormous walls of text in a thread like this. Chill out :lol
 

-PXG-

Member
doogles said:
Thanks guys. I'll hang out with her and whatever happens, happens. I've resolved not to worry about it so much ;)

Speaking of which, PXG, I think I'm agreeing with the other guys here. No one should be posting that many enormous walls of text in a thread like this. Chill out :lol

I have a habit of being verbose and going into excruciating detail. I can be brief when need be. But when trying to explain and/ or defend myself, omitting precious details isn't necessarily the best course of action.

I promise that is the last wall you'll see from me in quite some time, if not, ever.
 
-PXG- said:
I have a habit of being verbose and going into excruciating detail. I can be brief when need be. But when trying to explain and/ or defend myself, omitting precious details isn't necessarily the best course of action.

I promise that is the last wall you'll see from me in quite some time, if not, ever.
Ah. Just take care of yourself, sir.
 

-PXG-

Member
y2dvd said:
2 girls are at a bar, one of them really cute. How do you open conversation?

Go up to the counter, order a drink. Ask her what she's having. Ask her if it's her usual thing or something she's just trying. Go from there I guess.

Rabbitwork said:

Or that too :lol
 

soultron

Banned
y2dvd said:
2 girls are at a bar, one of them really cute. How do you open conversation?
I've heard that you should talk to the one you don't want first, then talk to both of them as a group in order to not be super obvious and to gain trust. You want to get both of them to like you, and you want the friend to feel like she can trust you with the girl you're actually after.

But this doesn't make sense to me since it makes it seem like you're into the girl you don't want.

Just try talking to both of them and asking if you can "steal the friend for a second" to ask her a question or something?

I've always just walked up and started talking.
 
-PXG- said:
Go up to the counter, order a drink. Ask her what she's having. Ask her if it's her usual thing or something she's just trying. Go from there I guess.



Or that too :lol
its not really a joke. its amazing how brutally honest (not tactless, honest) you can be with women and have them react positively to it. if you try and spit some truth at a female and she gets on the defense about it, fuck her, she's a hassle.
 

-PXG-

Member
Rabbitwork said:
its not really a joke. its amazing how brutally honest (not tactless, honest) you can be with women and have them react positively to it. if you try and spit some truth at a female and she gets on the defense about it, fuck her, she's a hassle.

Very true.
 
sometimes they just keep you up at nights. self discipline and hitting the brakes only takes you so far, but at the end of the day you still sit there wondering if you should speak up. I've battled a lot of demons and sometimes i realize there are still lots to fight. Rush in and you risk having no defense when the barrage comes. Rush in and I've scared her. Got too wrapped up in it. I always do. It's always just been one night fuck-fests but then one comes along and she is suddenly more plain and fair and quiet, but those ones are the keepers, I promise you. Try to try to make it work. Over-thought the whole thing and it's either you or her who runs for the hills.


GAF, I tell you guys.

Always go slow. Never rush the stage. Treat her with respect and it's what you'll be given in return. But never rush it. That's been my folly, and I can only guide you guys away from that.
 

y2dvd

Member
Rabbitwork said:
Then what? Bring up a current event? Straight out tell the girl you are interested in her?

-PXG- said:
Go up to the counter, order a drink. Ask her what she's having. Ask her if it's her usual thing or something she's just trying. Go from there I guess.
I think that works if she haven't noticed you yet. We noticed each other when I was already ordering a drink at the other side of the bar.

soultron said:
I've heard that you should talk to the one you don't want first, then talk to both of them as a group in order to not be super obvious and to gain trust. You want to get both of them to like you, and you want the friend to feel like she can trust you with the girl you're actually after.

But this doesn't make sense to me since it makes it seem like you're into the girl you don't want.

Just try talking to both of them and asking if you can "steal the friend for a second" to ask her a question or something?

I've always just walked up and started talking.
I recall reading this on The Game. Makes a little sense. I was planning on doing this if I got in. Now I need an opener!

I was thinking of doing it like the movies lol. Have the bartender pass along a drink to her. If she accepts, it's a sign that she's interested. Or the less "game-ish" alternative. I'm usually with a group of friends. Have the bartender pass along a drink and the message of "That guy thinks you're cute and would like for yall to join him and his friends." or something like that. Guess I need to get the friend something else too. ~_-
 

Danielsan

Member
Well I think I'm close to being done with this girl. So much fucking drama. I just don't know if I want to deal with all this nonsense. Maybe it's because she's having her period but man, mood swings up the arse.

She asked to come over yesterday. Against my better judgement I decided to cancel some important school related stuff in order to do so. First we went to the local super market to pick up some groceries and she had a total meltdown out of nowhere. She came around eventually and we went back to her place, made and ate dinner. She still had to do some homework which was due that day so she got her laptop. Again a total meltdown about all kinds of shit out of nowhere. Later that night we decided to go out and we had a blast. Everything was super fun and she was extremely flirty with me which was a good indication that she was enjoying herself. After a couple of hours we got a cab back to her place and she had too much to drink. So instead of doing something fun I helped her vomiting out the cheeseburger she had just eaten before we took a cab. So obviously I wasn't going to get any... Next morning she had a severe hangover and was incredibly moody as well. Just fun all around really...
I think I'll give it another week, but I think she also sees that this isn't working so I wouldn't be shocked if this was the last time I saw her. What really gets me is that somehow I think I wouldn't mind either. It's just all extreme highs and lows with this girl and I don't think I can handle it. The highs are so damn great, but each high is countered by a low.
 
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