Thanks for the advice everyone, I'll be sure to try to find a club that interests me and just make small chat with people. However, classes start in a week or so, so until then, is there a place I can go that's specially made for socialization? I guess a club would be a good pick, but I don't know any, and I don't even know if I'm suppose to go by myself or with a friend or what.
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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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Well any place is a social place in a CC even the library (well except if people are studying), but you could always bring a friend with you to a club that interests you so you won't feel uncomfortable and alone and so it could ease away the anxiety and of course, it helps to go to a club with a friend as it gives you some social proof and it makes talking to people easier knowing that you're there with your friend. I guess the cafeteria would classify as a "special" place of sorts as there's always plenty of people there to talk to talk to, but from my experience, most people tend to be to sit in groups in the cafeteria. However, since you have a friend, it'll be a lot easier to engage people in a group. Of course, clubs are specifically made for people to socialize in and organizers always love it when people bring their friends along; the more the merrier as the saying goes.
Go to your CC's website, then look under the "Student Activities" tab if your school has it, then "School Clubs" and a list of all the school's clubs should pop up. I assume that your CC's bound to do a club fair maybe 2-3 weeks into the semester. Heck, for the Senior College that I'm going to, I've looked up a couple of clubs that I'm interested in that I plan on checking out once school kicks off. So your college's website is the best place for that then go from there.
Go to your CC's website, then look under the "Student Activities" tab if your school has it, then "School Clubs" and a list of all the school's clubs should pop up. I assume that your CC's bound to do a club fair maybe 2-3 weeks into the semester. Heck, for the Senior College that I'm going to, I've looked up a couple of clubs that I'm interested in that I plan on checking out once school kicks off. So your college's website is the best place for that then go from there.
Hahaha, okay I will attempt to smash it and bang. Then update GAF creepily on whether or not I fail or become a god. :lol
Another girl on Facebook who I've been trying to hang out with for awhile asked what I was doing last night, then I told her "I'm going to (insert bar) with my new friend H______", and she was immediately like "we need to hang out SOON!". Also another girl from high school saw me at the bar and came up and we started talking and she was like, caressing my arm and shit, IN FRONT of semi-crazy girl. If I wasn't with another girl I would have gotten her number, but she told me where she works.
Time to crack the whip.
Another girl on Facebook who I've been trying to hang out with for awhile asked what I was doing last night, then I told her "I'm going to (insert bar) with my new friend H______", and she was immediately like "we need to hang out SOON!". Also another girl from high school saw me at the bar and came up and we started talking and she was like, caressing my arm and shit, IN FRONT of semi-crazy girl. If I wasn't with another girl I would have gotten her number, but she told me where she works.
Time to crack the whip.
The Shadow
Member
Generic said:
Ok. Instead of thinking about how it might bother people, think instead of how people actually get friends, meet up, get girlfriends/boyfriends, etc. Do they have some intermediary that forces them to talk to each other? Were they forced to talk to each other because of some class project? Some work project? Not everyone's SO or friend is a current or former co-worker or classmate.
The simple fact is that people meet each other in random spaces all the time. It's alien to you because you've never done it, because it's uncomfortable for you. That doesn't mean other people don't do it on a regular basis ALL the time.
Stop dwelling on how you might be "bothering" people. It's holding you back and it's working like an internal excuse to cover social anxiety and shyness.
Still having trouble filling out some of the empty bits in my OkCupid profile. I've no idea what to put for a self summary, or what people notice about me (if they notice anything about me, I don't know), or what I spend a lot of time thinking about (well okay, I spend a lot of time thinking about sex, and how I've never had any, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't put that in there! :lol ), or even why people should message me.
Anyone have any suggestions?
Anyone have any suggestions?
heh thanks for putting that list together. it's actually very helpful and true.
just found out yesterday my girlfriend of over 3 years has been cheating on me for the past month. it's never happened to me before and it sucks so bad. I don't really know what to do now, although I know the popular and maybe obvious decision would be to break up and move on. I know and have heard already the common phrases like there will be no more trust, or that I deserve better, or that something was obviously missing to make her do that. I have a hard time accepting any of this and just ending it after all we've been through. As a number, 3 years doesn't seem big to me, but it's really felt like a lifetime of experiences. Good ones, too. It actually totally blindsided me. I never could have imagined her doing this. She's always been uniquely genuine and loyal and open to me, more than anyone else in my life. She claims to be shocked too that she would do this, and wants time to figure out why. And I think I believe her when she said she's sorry and feels like an awful person for doing this to me.
Has anybody heard or experienced such a thing as getting over something like this, her never doing it again, and things working out? I'm afraid I already know the answer...
just found out yesterday my girlfriend of over 3 years has been cheating on me for the past month. it's never happened to me before and it sucks so bad. I don't really know what to do now, although I know the popular and maybe obvious decision would be to break up and move on. I know and have heard already the common phrases like there will be no more trust, or that I deserve better, or that something was obviously missing to make her do that. I have a hard time accepting any of this and just ending it after all we've been through. As a number, 3 years doesn't seem big to me, but it's really felt like a lifetime of experiences. Good ones, too. It actually totally blindsided me. I never could have imagined her doing this. She's always been uniquely genuine and loyal and open to me, more than anyone else in my life. She claims to be shocked too that she would do this, and wants time to figure out why. And I think I believe her when she said she's sorry and feels like an awful person for doing this to me.
Has anybody heard or experienced such a thing as getting over something like this, her never doing it again, and things working out? I'm afraid I already know the answer...
HappyBivouac
Member
Danj said:
Not totally related, but is that you in your avatar by any chance?
Aika'svyse
Banned
no experience with anyone cheating, but yeah i'd leave her and salvage myself. I think staying just gives her a license to think she can do anything to you. Did she admit cheating? Did you find out by yourself. How can you get clarity staying so close to her.
reggieandTFE
Member
Take out the part about NOT going to parties on Friday nights as much as you'd wish. That little qualifier screams desperation. I'd also change your profile name from niceguydan to something else. Yes, a lot of women like nice guys but they don't want that to dominate their perception of their partner.Danj said:
I'm sorry if this is too critical, just trying to help. Good luck.
Solideliquid
Member
I'm a little worried this morning, GAF. So let me ask you for a quick consensus about a *sensitive* topic infrequently brought up on this board.
When you and your girl are ready for that first time intimacy (and both parties have ample experience), and you happen to lose your erection just at the opportune moment, maybe due to nerves, stress, or some alcohol; Does it usually mean things between the two of you are doomed?
Or is there a way back from these kinds of things?
When you and your girl are ready for that first time intimacy (and both parties have ample experience), and you happen to lose your erection just at the opportune moment, maybe due to nerves, stress, or some alcohol; Does it usually mean things between the two of you are doomed?
Or is there a way back from these kinds of things?
HappyBivouac
Member
Danj said:
Okay, cause that's exactly the suggestion I was going to give.
Although if you haven't done so I would shave all your facial hair altogether.
Actually I can see you pulling off a full bearded look pretty well, but that does limit your options if you're looking to attract women. A handful go crazy for a full beard but most seem to prefer clean-shaven men as far as I've seen.
Nah, go down on her and just brush it off. Whiskey dick happened to me once, so I went down and made her cum twice, so definately no hard feelings there. Hell, it'll make you look like a gentlemanSolideliquid said:
If she asks about it just laugh it off, don't seem awkward or embarassed. Or if you do at least see the humour in the situation. You'll be fine dude.
HappyBivouac
Member
Danj said:
reggieandTFE said:
Yeah I'm not crazy about the username either to be honest. It may come off as trying too hard to make sure everyone knows you're a nice guy. Also you can be a really nice person, but the phrase "nice guy" has sort of culturally come to mean really boring and square.
And yeah definitely take out the part about not getting out as much as you'd like. There's no reason to put anything on your profile that says "my life isn't going how I'd like it to." That is to say, everyone has all these little things in their lives they'd like to see change, but putting them right out front is unnecessary.
Right now your profile is pretty bare. Think up the things you do, things you're passionate about, and elements of your character that you think not only define you, but make you an interesting person.
"Finding stuff on the internet" seems sort of an odd thing to highlight about yourself. Also I bet you'll find there are a lot more things you're good at than just that if you really sit down and brainstorm.
"I'm looking forward to making more friends." is probably something that could only work against you. Think about it: everyone likes making friends. Well, most everyone. Maybe not those guys who build cabins as far away from civilization as they can. Anyway, saying you want to make friends is turning something that is normal for pretty much everyone into something of a cry for help & attention. You wouldn't be on the site if you didn't want to meet people.
Other than that, I'd say get a friend to take a photo of you in a button up shirt and clean shaven. Oh, and a drink in your hand. :lol (actually what is online-dating-GAF's thoughts on drink in hand vs. no drink in hand? as a guy who thinks too much about psychology I'm curious about this, or if anyone's ever been conscious about it for dating site photos.)
disclaimer: I've never actually done online dating. This is just what I think at first glance of your profile.
Ultimoo said:Yeah, that definitely doesn't sound right, no matter how you put it. One night stand? Maybe, but a month? How can you not realize what you're doing over a course of a month? Sounds like bullshit man, sorry.
yeah that's what i was thinking too. now she's sayin she has to spend some time alone to think about how or why she would do this to someone she loves and needs to rebuild her moral standards to what they once were. so i don't know. doesn't help things at all that theres an ocean between us, because of school....or maybe it does.
on the upside, i've rediscovered the therapeutic quality of playing and listening to blues music. such a powerful thing. started feeling a tug in a better direction after listening to this this morning: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fevQPZDyxdk
Aika'svyse said:
Yeah she admitted. She's been keeping it from me but i've been noticing something weird and wanted to talk to her about it. I think she tried telling me a while ago but was too hard. Yesterday I just spent some time talking to her about what's goin on with us and it came out after questions.
Yeah man, i hear ya on this, and it's one of my big concerns. It's like I don't know if she'd ever respect me if we did get back together...or if I'd respect myself for it. It's just, I was not interested in all at ending it, finding someone new. Kinda hard for me to walk away...even if she already has.
The Shadow
Member
Danj said:
Tbh, I'd delete the account and create a new one with a different username. Having "niceguy" suggests "shy" or "insecure" to some girls. If you check the OKC forums, it seems like on a weekly basis there's some self proclaimed nice guy whining about how women only like assholes, etc, and there's a HUGE backlash against so-called "nice guys" because of that.
If you got rid of the 'stache, you really need to put a new pic up reflecting that change. It's not a very good one. Do you have any pictures of you doing something outside? Sports? Skiing?
Take off the "watch TV" reference under "How I spend my Friday nights". I'd also remove "Finding stuff on the internet" and maybe even the fixing computers part. That's not really something that sets you apart from the rest. Really think about that question and add something there that's going to be unique.
The only other thing I'd suggest is just add more to the profile. It looks really bare. And have fun with it. While it's true you probably couldn't live without your glasses, try to be more creative with what you add there. Instead of glasses, you could substitute pants for a little humor.
Edit:
I guess a few others already covered that stuff. Well, it's good advice. Definitely consider it.
reggieandTFE said:
HappyBivouac said:
OK, done that.
reggieandTFE said:
HappyBivouac said:
Unfortunately it seems that changing usernames is not a function that's available unless you have a paid subscription. I'm not at the point where I would feel comfortable paying for this sort of service.
HappyBivouac said:
This is part of the problem I have with dating sites in general - all the other ones I've looked at have these kinds of questions as required fields in the signup forms. The things I do and the things that I'm passionate about have already been identified as things that are boring to other people and/or absolutely not something that should be put in a profile.
HappyBivouac said:
I couldn't think of any. I really am good at finding stuff on the Internet though >.>
HappyBivouac said:
OK, I've removed that part.
HappyBivouac said:
Hmm. I'll have to see if I can arrange this.
The Shadow said:
It really seems like what you're telling me here is "be someone else, with a different name and different activities and different everything else". I don't think pretending to be someone else is something I want to do, I'm not some creepy stalker person luring women to his house with false pretences or something.
The Shadow
Member
Danj said:
No. What I'm telling you is to advertise your good traits instead of telling people you stay home and watch TV on Friday nights and that you're "good at finding things on the internet". I didn't say make shit up.
Big difference there.
The Shadow said:
Have you considered the possibility that I don't know what my good traits are, assuming I even have any? I mean, before I left in early December to go and stay at my parents' house for the holidays, my therapist told me to try and come up with a list of 10 positive things about myself, and since then I haven't even managed to come up with a single one.
Anyway, I've taken out all the stuff you said to take out. But I really don't want to start again with this thing, I put a lot of time into answering a lot of the Match questions (well, I dunno, I think 400+ is a lot, but there was some guy earlier in this thread who said he'd answered like 750 or something).
Danj said:
If thats the case, I'd suggest you tackle that task first of finding positive traits about yourself before even diving into online dating. That to me is a huge burden to carry around especially when it comes to dating. I mean, if you truly believe you have no positive traits, than what is left for you to present to women and to people in general?
I think you've made the task of finding positive traits about yourself a lot harder than it should be. Just from reading your posts you sound like a decent guy who is trying really hard to change yourself for the better which is a lot more than what most people are willing to do nowadays.
Think about what people tend to look for in friends, workers, partners etc and than place those questions on yourself. Are you a hard worker? Are you dependable? Are you a good listener? etc.
Start off small if you have to. Just get things moving so that burden doesn't continue to hold you back.
Recently met a beautiful, cool, interesting and intelligent girl who has openly said (while looking after me because I was ill) she thinks I'm fit and cute while asking me why I was single, and telling me to show that I like girls I'm interested in more physically. She's also a great cook.
She's currently not in a relationship, which is awesome and we spend quite a lot of time together drinking, smoking, hanging out, etc.
Sadly she's off limits.
It's almost funny.
She's currently not in a relationship, which is awesome and we spend quite a lot of time together drinking, smoking, hanging out, etc.
Sadly she's off limits.
It's almost funny.
Future PhaZe
Member
how is she off limits
OK Cupid: AM I DOING IT RIGHT???
HappyBivouac
Member
that is a ridiculous reason
well i guess there's some validity to it but
it depends on how amazing this girl is
well i guess there's some validity to it but
it depends on how amazing this girl is
Magik said:
Well, yeah, this stuff is kind of what I'm trying to work on with my therapist at the moment (the finding of positive things about myself). But so far I've had no success.
Magik said:
Wait.. those kinds of things really are the sort of thing that I'm meant to regard as positive traits? I always thought that that was just stuff that people put on CVs/resumes.
I mean, I can be a hard worker when I choose to be... for example, if you give me a challenge related to computers, I'll worry at it like one of those little yappy dogs until I either come up with a solution or admit defeat. As for listening... I guess I'm good at that? In social gatherings listening is mostly all I do since there aren't often conversations I can actually participate in.
lunarworks
Member
Been there.Zio said:
We managed to work it out, but I still harbour a bit of inner bitterness about it, although I don't let it affect our relationship.
Ask yourself how one can be shocked over something they willingly took part in. There was no gun to her head -- she willingly made the choice to cheat. She doesn't want "time" to figure out why she did it. She wants to be single so she can fuck the guy with no repercussions.Zio said:
She's only sorry because she got caught. You deserve better. Three years or fifty, none of that matters when someone forfeits your trust and cheats on you.
Time to move on.
All Hail C-Webb
Hailing from the Chill-Web
Zio said:
If you want to make the relationship work in the long run (though I don't see why you would), you have to sleep with another women. Otherwise you'll always harbor bad feelings about it, and she'll never fully respect you again.
All Hail C-Webb said:
People think up of these things as facts, but no one works the exact same way. He doesn't seem to harbor any harsh feelings against her, and if she's actually being genuine about her feelings (Zio knows her, not us) why not give it another chance? I mean, 3 years when we are young, and when people have spent so many nice things together shouldn't be thrown away like that because of a few missteps.
All Hail C-Webb
Hailing from the Chill-Web
Relix said:
I'm not saying he has to throw anything away. She cheated on him, and put them on a break. If he sits and waits for her without trying to hook up with someone else, he is a chump. He'll probably feel like one, and if she decides to get back with him, she'll definitely know that he's one.
Danj said:
Would you rather be considered a lazy person than a hard working person? Would you rather be a person who just complains instead of a person who is solution oriented?
Sure, this stuff can go on a CV/resume, but thats a different topic for another day.
Actually, you know what? Let's dial it back a bit. What do you consider is a positive trait?
@Zio (and maybe lunarworks)
What soultron said. She's been cheating for a whole month. She lied to you about it for a whole month, maybe more. She's already had much more than a month to figure out 'why' she cheated (does it even matter why?). This isn't a mess-up the likes of 'I slipped and fell', this is like slipping and planning to slip 200 times and then saying 'wow I can't believe I did that!'. It's absolutely horrible what she did, and you're too invested in the relationship at the moment to see it for what it is.
Unless you can stand to live your life with a person that's not monogamous and breaks and abuses your trust, you should leave now.
What soultron said. She's been cheating for a whole month. She lied to you about it for a whole month, maybe more. She's already had much more than a month to figure out 'why' she cheated (does it even matter why?). This isn't a mess-up the likes of 'I slipped and fell', this is like slipping and planning to slip 200 times and then saying 'wow I can't believe I did that!'. It's absolutely horrible what she did, and you're too invested in the relationship at the moment to see it for what it is.
Unless you can stand to live your life with a person that's not monogamous and breaks and abuses your trust, you should leave now.
DualShadow
Member
So on the weekend I was bored and created an OkCupid account, I messaged a few girls and even got a message sent to me on the day I joined!
Although lets just say she isn't my type at all :lol
Plan is just to message girls that I find interesting, expect no reply so if I do get one its a bonus.
Although lets just say she isn't my type at all :lol
Plan is just to message girls that I find interesting, expect no reply so if I do get one its a bonus.
jamesinclair
Banned
Zio said:
My rule of thumb:
One instance of cheating = mistake, everyone deserves a second chance. It'll be hard, but if you really love her, you can get through it.
A whole month of banging another dude? Inexcusable. She's the scum of the earth. Find a way to dump her so that she spends the next year trying to piece her life back together. Burn her pictures, delete her phone and unfriend her on facebook. Make sure if you ever see her again, you have a hot girl on your arm with some of your cum in her hair.
Went out Saturday night for my birthday, was getting alot of attention from the opposite sex.. guess walking everyday and getting some sun really helps.
Was cockblocked all night by the girl that friendzoned me rocking up unexpected (she wasnt invited) and sitting next to me having an emotional all night, still enjoyed myself though
Was cockblocked all night by the girl that friendzoned me rocking up unexpected (she wasnt invited) and sitting next to me having an emotional all night, still enjoyed myself though
DualShadow
Member
Shawsie64 said:
How did your date with the German chick go?
-PXG- said:
Well im still friends with her sister and she wished me happy bday in the morning and i said going to the local tonight come if like, her sister (one i liked) sent me a message saying happy b-day and we agreed too strange if she came tonight so I was happy but when I arrived she was there and wanted me to sit next to her all night listening about why shes worried about Chavez and that hes keeping money from her or some shit :lol I could have just walked away and ignore her I guess but didnt wanna be completely rude, she left at 12 and then was a good night
DualShadow said:
Good thanks man, got her round my house, slept together dropped her home in the morning but shes left to go to Perth for a few months and then comes back to Adelaide 5 days before she leaves to go back to Germany in April.. nice girl and fun aswell could see myself with her but been alot more reserved this time as I knew she had to leave =/
Ah well on to the next one :lol
DualShadow
Member
Shawsie64 said:
*High-Five*
Yeah sucks she has to go but maybe you'll see when she comes back to Adelaide?
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