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Girl/Dating Age Part 2: A combined effort to give advice for those in need
- Thread starter -PXG-
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Well that's the plan. I was more looking for suggestions to HOW to go bold more than if I should go bold or not.jon bones said:
Well you COULD just ask her. You know, just up and say "So what do you think of me?". The trick to pulling it off is to have this confident smile, saying it confidently, and keeping up the confidence after her answer, no matter what it is.SRG01 said:
DualShadow
Member
Shawsie64 said:Yeah prob just found someone she got along with better, remember keep adding them and dont focus on only one girl and youll be fine
What I meant was we exchanged facebooks then continued chatting then she just stopped replying while looking at my facebook :lol
RIP smiley
So I kinda assumed something on the facebook turned her off, meh no biggy I was just curious what you guys thought.
Hmm... I have been thinking about the things some guys said earlier in this thread.
I think I am done dating girls abroad, 3/5 lives in Asia, the two remaining ex's are asian as well but lives in my country.
When I am going to find someone again, I think I'll try finding someone here, it would be much easier to be with someone near me and who has the same mentality as me. I just don't know where to start, I don't really have a network here but I'll have two jobs later this week.
I think I am done dating girls abroad, 3/5 lives in Asia, the two remaining ex's are asian as well but lives in my country.
When I am going to find someone again, I think I'll try finding someone here, it would be much easier to be with someone near me and who has the same mentality as me. I just don't know where to start, I don't really have a network here but I'll have two jobs later this week.
What's any different about going after a white girl? (I'm sure there are differences, but I'd like to know what they are. Haha.)duk said:It's official, im in love with white girls now. Gotta get my game on tight if I am gonna get a white girl.
I wish my job at this club I'm involved in at school wasn't so serious. Tonnes of cute girls there. Really cute asian girl I work with is giving obvious signs. :c
duk said:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8pG1mG7BeI
Just be confident. You're a good looking dude so you've that on your side.
duk said:
Where do you live?
In all honesty, I used to think interracial dating was insanely hard. However, it really depends on the kind of people you meet. I typically find the ambitious college/university types are more accepting of interracial (ie. Caucasian female to other color) relationships. Just actively filter out the people that you don't want and surround yourself with the ones that you do.
Either that, or demonstrate a skill that you are good at. People of all types respond positively to 'virtuoso performances' as one TED talk would put it.
soultron said:
You're right of course; I am being extremely insecure.
It's strange, because even when I was in my shyer days, I was never really insecure about anything. Perhaps a bit anxious about uncertainty yes, but never truly insecure in that I never worried about her after a certain stage.
And like a typical scientist, I'm trying to figure out how I got to this stage.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
duk said:
This is very true. You just rarely ever see asian guys with white girls even where I live (orange county).
Conversation is a two-way street. If she's not pulling her weight, she's either not interested in you or is just plain shit-boring.Scarecrow said:
Do you feel you're the one running things? Conversation is something that should flow naturally if there's purpose and attraction for both involved. She'll have you engaged, you'll be engaged, etc; for that reason the conversation will be great!
Hope that helps. There aren't really any lines we can suggest.
Kccitystar
Member
So I re-connected with this one girl I met in junior high, and we instantly clicked. She knows how to cook, into electronics and gadgets, works in IT, into house music like I am (although that wouldn't be a dealbreaker if she wasn't), and she has her own place. All pluses to me in my eyes.
*Sigh* the only big dealbreaker to me, is that she has a son. A 2 year old boy. Now, I don't exactly know how to deal with a single mother, so I seek some advice from anyone on Girl/Date-GAF as to what I should be expecting in dealing with a single mom? She's 23, by the way.
I spoke to my closest friends about this girl and they say that before anything, before even considering a relationship with her, you'd have to somehow be able to gauge how her relationship with the baby's father is. I was told if her relationship with the baby's father is on horrible terms where they split and he's always appearing in the picture not just for the baby, bail out, and if it isn't like that where they parted ways but he's around only for the baby then you are good to go.
I know some asshole fathers who are not together that think that they can handcuff their baby's mother into not wanting to see other people, but I don't think that could be the case here with this girl. If it is, I'm bailing out, obviously.
She's into me and says she likes getting to know me a little more since we've been talking for two weeks now. We've been texting but I want to slow down or stop that since I'm a more expressive person when I'm face to face with somebody than using an intermediary like facebook or texting. I like to explain things and use my hands to talk, and via text or through the phone, how does that work? So I want to set up a date.
I'm looking to take her out on a date so we can kind of see where our minds are at with what we have going on in each others lives and see where our friendship goes from there. If things progress from there, then I'll have a ton of things to consider. However, setting up a date is a bit of a challenge since I am kind of aware that single moms will always put their kids before anything else, but I made it clear that while she does have that space in regards to taking care of her son (I don't want to meddle with her raising her child), time would have to be made for dating and stuff that we'd like to do.
Anyway, I'd like to figure out what is there to do in terms of an activity date (as per GAF's advice on first dates) here in NYC? I can always fall back to a restaurant or something as a plan B but just to keep things interesting, I'm looking for places in NYC that I can take her to.
*Sigh* the only big dealbreaker to me, is that she has a son. A 2 year old boy. Now, I don't exactly know how to deal with a single mother, so I seek some advice from anyone on Girl/Date-GAF as to what I should be expecting in dealing with a single mom? She's 23, by the way.
I spoke to my closest friends about this girl and they say that before anything, before even considering a relationship with her, you'd have to somehow be able to gauge how her relationship with the baby's father is. I was told if her relationship with the baby's father is on horrible terms where they split and he's always appearing in the picture not just for the baby, bail out, and if it isn't like that where they parted ways but he's around only for the baby then you are good to go.
I know some asshole fathers who are not together that think that they can handcuff their baby's mother into not wanting to see other people, but I don't think that could be the case here with this girl. If it is, I'm bailing out, obviously.
She's into me and says she likes getting to know me a little more since we've been talking for two weeks now. We've been texting but I want to slow down or stop that since I'm a more expressive person when I'm face to face with somebody than using an intermediary like facebook or texting. I like to explain things and use my hands to talk, and via text or through the phone, how does that work? So I want to set up a date.
I'm looking to take her out on a date so we can kind of see where our minds are at with what we have going on in each others lives and see where our friendship goes from there. If things progress from there, then I'll have a ton of things to consider. However, setting up a date is a bit of a challenge since I am kind of aware that single moms will always put their kids before anything else, but I made it clear that while she does have that space in regards to taking care of her son (I don't want to meddle with her raising her child), time would have to be made for dating and stuff that we'd like to do.
Anyway, I'd like to figure out what is there to do in terms of an activity date (as per GAF's advice on first dates) here in NYC? I can always fall back to a restaurant or something as a plan B but just to keep things interesting, I'm looking for places in NYC that I can take her to.
Kccitystar said:
Lucky bastard!
Well, I don't think I've ever had a first date in the city, I usually keep my first dates on LI and then take them to the city as the relationship progresses... but anyways, some suggestions:
If she's into art, take her to MoMA.
Museum of Sex if she's got a kinky side to her.
Barcade in Brooklyn if she likes retro games and/or beer
Chelsea Piers if she likes bowling
Or just hit up the clubs... Tom Middleton, Feb 5 @ Sully *swoon*...
Tea Spot or Bean Coffee and Tea (google it) for a cup of coffee.
Heh I was the one who mentioned "activity dates" too...
My personal experience has been different. I live in Santa Monica, maybe an hour north of you, and I've dated white girls, as well as other races. I'm currently in a relationship with a white girl, as is one of my Asian friends. I just came from a Barmitzvah (sp) where there was another white girl with an Asian guy there too. One of my cousins just married a white girl as well.MiDNiGHTS said:
DualShadow said:
I can go one better, girl contacted me first, chatted back and forth, seemingly interested, then straight up deleted her account
and just because I'm feeling extra jaded today, and she used the same (uncommon) username for everything, sent her ebay account a message saying "you can't even show a little common courtesy?"
DualShadow
Member
atomsk said:
Damn.
I just deleted her off Facebook and removed her from my contacts on the dating site.
Good news, I was chatting to a chick for a while last night and she seemed pretty interested, down side is I'm going on a holiday for most of Feb so probably no chance of a date till I get back if she's still single.
Aesius
Member
So I called internet potential #2 yesterday and she didn't answer. Got a text back from her today saying she's been busy because her brother is in town and she's been hanging out with him. So I texted her back and asked if she wanted to meet me for a drink on Friday. She said that she was already going to be out with her friends that night and that I should join them.
What's the appropriate response for that? I'd like to meet this girl, but I feel like any potential awkwardness would be magnified 1000x in the company of her friends. I'd be flying solo and fighting a losing battle. Should I bring a friend along and go for it or text/call back and see if she wants to reschedule?
What's the appropriate response for that? I'd like to meet this girl, but I feel like any potential awkwardness would be magnified 1000x in the company of her friends. I'd be flying solo and fighting a losing battle. Should I bring a friend along and go for it or text/call back and see if she wants to reschedule?
Aesius said:
Iv had this girl that is trying to get me to come meet her and her friend.. I only do one on one first meet up.. So I stopped answering her calls and texts and now shes threatening me saying ill "be sorry" when we meet up ahaha, get a text daily from her funny as
DualShadow
Member
Shawsie64 said:
Missing out on a threesome mate
JimiNutz
Banned
Acid08 said:
This made me LOL - cos it's true, haha!
I've dated nothing but white girls (not necessarily by choice, that's just how it's gone down), and I've been with some pretty crazy women.
They do say the hot ones are always insane...or maybe it's just madness attracting more madness.
I will say that, in my experience, the more 'homely' girls are the more down to earth/mentally balanced...
Maybe I just need to quit dating white girls? lol
DualShadow
Member
Shawsie64 said:
Fair call, who would want their friends at their first date anyways, would just make it extra awkward lol.
DualShadow
Member
Shawsie64 said:
Don't blame ya, sounds like you dodged a bullet haha
Kccitystar said:
Djtiesto's already made a lot great suggestions but I'll throw a couple of my own suggestions.
-The Museum of Moving Images in Astoria, Queens which recently reopened after renovating (I've never been there before personally, but I read about it last week in the AMNY newspaper).
-Chelsea Piers has everything covered, so if you wanna play pool, they got that, batting cages, mini golf (summer only); there's a lot of stuff to do in that one place.
- Dave & Busters as an arcade and restaurant in one.
-Ice Skating in Rockefeller Center, Bryant Park or Central Park.
-The movies even though people here agree and disagree a lot.
-Even though it's not an activity, walk around the city. Walk from say 42nd St to Union Square which has a ton of stuff to do in that area and it's one of my personal favorite spots in the city.
I would suggest you pick up an AMNY and look through the upcoming events for ideas on what to do, but there's a ton of places you could go to in the city provided you're willing to spend the cash for it.
DualShadow said:
I'll never forget, I went on one Match date with a girl... she was 20 or 21, I was like her first date from the Internet she said, so she asked if she could bring some friends along... I was pretty apprehensive at first, but I figured "what the hell?". Even if it struck me as pretty immature...
...when I met up with her friends, I got along with them so well (they were all into animu cons and FF7 and stuff) that I totally ignored the date
Was thinking of contacting her on Match to ask if I could get her friends' contact info to hang out with them.
Joel Was Right
Member
I signed up for match.com a few weeks ago. Some of the profiles of people are completely self-pompous and egotistical, and I'm afraid it follows the cliché that the prettier ones fall into this category. In just three paragraphs this girl nods to 'superficial', 'being pampered', likes to be taken care of (no prizes for guesses as to what this means) and then has the balls to say in the same line that she wants a tall, dark masculine man who and finishes off saying that 'if you want to email me, don't ask how I am.."let me know the why should I care".
I almost want to sign up just to send her an email telling her how much of a bitch she sounds like
I almost want to sign up just to send her an email telling her how much of a bitch she sounds like
Just to add to the "crazy latinas" theme we got going here, I dated a half Argentine half Jamaican girl for a few years and she certainly fell under the crazy as fuck category. And all the latina girls I've just slept with have been just as unhinged. One half mexican girl was perhaps the craziest fucking person I have ever met in my life.
soultron said:
You know after it was all said and done im pretty glad the girl I liked frienzoned me last year for that exact reason.. infatuation makes you see a girl as perfect
woodchuck said:
Irrational, feisty, crazy...
One time I got into an argument with this Venezuelan girl because I couldn't be bothered walking 20 minutes to get a yiros that was $7 as opposed to $8.20.
Same girl went mental at me for using Australian slang in front of her.
Same girl lost her shit at me because her sister forgot to bring home the milk.
Same girl started going out with a 18 year old guy (shes 25) because he asked her in front of his friends and she didn't want to say no.
Different Brazilian girl I was with told me a fake name and only told me her real name after I was fucking her for a month.
Took the same Brazilian girl to the show (carnival) and broke down crying for no reason at all requiring me to take her home and explain to her homestay that I had no idea what was wrong.
Theres so many other examples, too many to list hahaha maybe im just unlucky with the Latin women but I try to stay away from them now.
Im learning Portuguese so know alot of South Americans here in Adelaide but my friends actively try to keep me away from them now lol
woodchuck said:
Well the first girl once chased a female friend of mine around my home trying to get her to have sex with her in my bed. She chased her out of my bedroom window and onto a ledge, which was on the second floor, and wouldn't let her back in until she agreed to make out with her.
She tried to force a girl she had just met to sleep with one of her male friends. Like literally locked them in a room and refused to let them out until they had sex.
When she was 20 she got my sister's 16 year old friend drunk and had sex with her. I will end it there because although it was legal in the country I was in at the time, the next part involves myself and it sounds bad regardless.
The second girl was the most insane compulsive liar I have ever encountered and never once said a single true thing to me the entire time I knew her or was fucking her. She lied about her family, her past, her feelings, her dreams, what she had for fucking breakfast that day. She would tell two different lies about the same thing within minutes or even seconds of each other. She claimed a heroin addiction despite having never tried the stuff.
She also tried to destroy every person's life she came across. Her vindictiveness was terrifying and she had no problem trying to get your hurt or make you lose your job or personal property in response for a minor slight. Didn't hold the door open for her? She would tell people you raped her. Just didn't rub her the right way? She'd come into your workplace and try to get you fired. She was so emotionally and mentally disturbed that she will never ever have a normal relationship with any human being that last longer than the time it takes for someone to realize she is fucking insane.
siddx said:
Oh man add that to my list, sounds exactly the same as the Venezuelan.. Started to get suspicious after she told me she used to be a bank manager back home and a few months later handed me her resume to help get her a job.. Previous history: a few waiting jobs as cafes. After that it all started to show =/ fuck why did i hang around so long ugh oh well new year
Small story about standing out in the crowd and being remembered in a good way really works.
About 2 weeks ago, everyone in the class had to hold a presentation about a certain subject. It was pretty academical, but that doesn't matter. So there is this group with 4 boys and 1 girl, they have their presentation about product placement (a belgian beer brand) in a television programma (about soccer). So, they hold their presentation. Then there's room to ask questions. Since it's a media education, I personally (but in front of the class) ask the girl that, looking at the subject of their presentation and the group composition, if she is a victim of male dominance (common media term). I singled her out (I got a question for Ciska, blablabla), kept looking at her the entire time and smiled knowingly when at the end of the question. She laughed, class laughed, mission complete.
But today when I was waiting for the classes to start, this girl suddenly turns the corner and looks straight at me. I get this huge smile beamed back to me, but I don't even know this girl apart from the presentation back then. I know what she is thinking and I know she remembers me fondly because of it.
Not acting on it, have a girlfriend, etc. But I sure as hell wouldn't have gotten an overly friendly smile like that if I didn't have asked the question back then. If I wanted to get a conversation going, I would have no trouble to (start off with school stuff, or just take it back to the presentation and go from there). It's a small thing, but I think it improves your chances so much more.
About 2 weeks ago, everyone in the class had to hold a presentation about a certain subject. It was pretty academical, but that doesn't matter. So there is this group with 4 boys and 1 girl, they have their presentation about product placement (a belgian beer brand) in a television programma (about soccer). So, they hold their presentation. Then there's room to ask questions. Since it's a media education, I personally (but in front of the class) ask the girl that, looking at the subject of their presentation and the group composition, if she is a victim of male dominance (common media term). I singled her out (I got a question for Ciska, blablabla), kept looking at her the entire time and smiled knowingly when at the end of the question. She laughed, class laughed, mission complete.
But today when I was waiting for the classes to start, this girl suddenly turns the corner and looks straight at me. I get this huge smile beamed back to me, but I don't even know this girl apart from the presentation back then. I know what she is thinking and I know she remembers me fondly because of it.
Not acting on it, have a girlfriend, etc. But I sure as hell wouldn't have gotten an overly friendly smile like that if I didn't have asked the question back then. If I wanted to get a conversation going, I would have no trouble to (start off with school stuff, or just take it back to the presentation and go from there). It's a small thing, but I think it improves your chances so much more.
Wellington
BAAAALLLINNN'
I have a question and I figured I'd post it here to get a general consensus.
I have been with my girlfriend officially, for a little less than a month, but we've been dating since Labor Day. I know her well enough and I want to think that she knows me as well. The issue is whether I'm being jealous for no reason or if I'm right on this subject.
We both have a lot of friends, some of the opposite sex. Some of her "bffs" are guys, I have one "bff" that is a girl. She believes that she should be able to meet with any guy that is her friend, one on one, whenever she wants within reason (like after work, not late night or weird situations). I believe that no, that's not cool, and am willing to compromise and say that if I know the guy, then yeah, she can meet them alone but aside from that it's a no fly zone. (Mostly because I am very physically imposing and I am comfortable if they see that I am willing to choke them out if they try some shit)
It's like, the only argument we ever have because she does have a lot of guy friends, a lot of which I have met. She went to see Black Swan with one of them and I had no issues with it. She's gone to IHOP with another, I have no problem with it, both of those guys I know. She tells me Sunday night that Wednesday she's meeting up with another guy after work for Pinkberry, I said it is a problem because I don't know the guy. She says that I have trust issues and that I just have to trust her, I say fuck that shit she's fucking crazy to think that any guy would go along with it.
Personally, I don't think that I am wrong. If you're in a relationship, I would expect that your bf, gf, whatever does not go out with someone of the opposite sex in a one on one situation. Is that unreasonable?
This is a hard situation for me because this is easily the prettiest girl I've ever dated. I've already gotten into a fight at a club because some guy pushed up on her. Doing things like this really doesn't ease my concern.
I have been with my girlfriend officially, for a little less than a month, but we've been dating since Labor Day. I know her well enough and I want to think that she knows me as well. The issue is whether I'm being jealous for no reason or if I'm right on this subject.
We both have a lot of friends, some of the opposite sex. Some of her "bffs" are guys, I have one "bff" that is a girl. She believes that she should be able to meet with any guy that is her friend, one on one, whenever she wants within reason (like after work, not late night or weird situations). I believe that no, that's not cool, and am willing to compromise and say that if I know the guy, then yeah, she can meet them alone but aside from that it's a no fly zone. (Mostly because I am very physically imposing and I am comfortable if they see that I am willing to choke them out if they try some shit)
It's like, the only argument we ever have because she does have a lot of guy friends, a lot of which I have met. She went to see Black Swan with one of them and I had no issues with it. She's gone to IHOP with another, I have no problem with it, both of those guys I know. She tells me Sunday night that Wednesday she's meeting up with another guy after work for Pinkberry, I said it is a problem because I don't know the guy. She says that I have trust issues and that I just have to trust her, I say fuck that shit she's fucking crazy to think that any guy would go along with it.
Personally, I don't think that I am wrong. If you're in a relationship, I would expect that your bf, gf, whatever does not go out with someone of the opposite sex in a one on one situation. Is that unreasonable?
This is a hard situation for me because this is easily the prettiest girl I've ever dated. I've already gotten into a fight at a club because some guy pushed up on her. Doing things like this really doesn't ease my concern.
Wellie, from the sounds of it there's already precedent in your relationship that it's okay to frequently hang out alone with friends of the opposite sex. It's not unreasonable for you to not want a relationship like that, but it's going to be hard to not come off like a jealous controlling prick if you start taking things away from her.
dskillzhtown
keep your strippers out of my American football
Wellie, it seems to me she is taking this 'hanging out with guys' thing a bit overboard. At a certain point it becomes an issue. The occasional hang out is cool, but she seems to be doing it several times a week. At that point I would have to say something and if she didn't change I would walk.
The issue is that if it is bothering you, it is going to continue to bother you. You can try to hide it, but you are going to be annoyed and it is going to show. As Slo said, it doesn't make you an asshole for not wanting that in your relationship. IMO, it makes you normal. Who the hell wants their girl hanging out with guys, alone, constantly?
The issue is that if it is bothering you, it is going to continue to bother you. You can try to hide it, but you are going to be annoyed and it is going to show. As Slo said, it doesn't make you an asshole for not wanting that in your relationship. IMO, it makes you normal. Who the hell wants their girl hanging out with guys, alone, constantly?
Personally, I wouldn't be ok with it even if I knew them, only if they were real good friends I'd be perfectly fine with it. But that's just me, obviously you two have an agreement here that you can hang out, and you're fine with that. I just don't know why you'd need to see them first? What's the difference? If it's just to intimidate the guy, then don't bother. It's your GF that would make the decision to do something.Wellington said:
Maybe you can ask to tag along? Either she's going to have to agree to some grounds rules, you're gonna have to accept that she's meeting up with other guys (has she known these guys for a long time? or did they just meet?), or break it off. And it doesn't seem that you're gonna be able to accept that (very reasonably so).
You do have trust issues. But thats ok, we all have issues. Thats why relationships are such clusterfucks.
The guy/girl friends thing is always a touchy issue, however I find that having a large amount of friends of the opposite sex, while not necessarily meaning she or he is sleeping with them (although thats true on occasion) says more about a person's personality.
While my initial reaction in these situations is "she is trying to keep her options open so she keeps lots of males around her because she is wishy washy and cant make up her mind about who she wants to be with and/or is too scared to commit to one person without having backups"...that really isn't the case every single time.
It could indicate she has trouble forming friendships with people and uses the fact she is a woman and guys are drawn to her naturally as a way to create friendships without having to actually go out and make friends based on personalities.
It could mean she doesn't feel like she relates to women at all, which would be quite obvious if was the case, so it probably isn't that.
She could feel threatened by other women and chose to not have them around her. This would indicate some self esteem issues and potential jealously on her side as well in the future.
She could have daddy issues and find the company of male figures in her life comforting.
Point is there are tons of different reasons outside of "she wants to bang all these guys" for why she has so many guy friends and why she spends time with them.
But regardless of whether they are legitimate friends or not, asking her to remove them from her life or let you "screen them" is going to be a losing battle for you. She is going to pick them over you in the end.
The guy/girl friends thing is always a touchy issue, however I find that having a large amount of friends of the opposite sex, while not necessarily meaning she or he is sleeping with them (although thats true on occasion) says more about a person's personality.
While my initial reaction in these situations is "she is trying to keep her options open so she keeps lots of males around her because she is wishy washy and cant make up her mind about who she wants to be with and/or is too scared to commit to one person without having backups"...that really isn't the case every single time.
It could indicate she has trouble forming friendships with people and uses the fact she is a woman and guys are drawn to her naturally as a way to create friendships without having to actually go out and make friends based on personalities.
It could mean she doesn't feel like she relates to women at all, which would be quite obvious if was the case, so it probably isn't that.
She could feel threatened by other women and chose to not have them around her. This would indicate some self esteem issues and potential jealously on her side as well in the future.
She could have daddy issues and find the company of male figures in her life comforting.
Point is there are tons of different reasons outside of "she wants to bang all these guys" for why she has so many guy friends and why she spends time with them.
But regardless of whether they are legitimate friends or not, asking her to remove them from her life or let you "screen them" is going to be a losing battle for you. She is going to pick them over you in the end.
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