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[grap3fruitman]

Well then work on not being a social fucktard. Tomorrow, speak to everyone you see and meet. Even if it's just "Hi, how you doing." Get used to interacting with people on a regular basis. Then work up to having longer conversations and perfecting the art of small talk.

I work in an office and generally see the same people everyday and talk to them because I'm forced to in order to get work done.

Why are you scared to talk to a girl?

Because I never learned how to and don't ever know what to say.

Why do you have a fear of rejection?

Because I've never not been rejected. I'm also afraid of acceptance, I wouldn't know what to do if a girl finally said "Yes."

Do you think you're worth being with?

No, and so far every single woman I've ever liked has felt the same way.

Do you think decent women are out of your league?

Yes.

Do you think other women are better than you?

Yes.

Wht at are your insecurities and why do you have them?

 

[DualShadow]

I work in an office and generally see the same people everyday and talk to them because I'm forced to in order to get work done.


Because I never learned how to and don't ever know what to say.


Because I've never not been rejected. I'm also afraid of acceptance, I wouldn't know what to do if a girl finally said "Yes."


No, and so far every single woman I've ever liked has felt the same way.


Yes.


Yes.


http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y66/grap3/iunno.gif[IMG][/QUOTE]

GAF can't help you. You need professional help.

 

[kathode]

So, I've been working on getting to know a girl at my favorite coffee shop for a while, and finally got her number last night. She said it'd be awesome to "hang out" but didn't want to make it a date (recently out of a relationship). I said that's fine, I don't like dates anyway, they just make people nervous and hanging out would be awesome, etc etc.

Only problem is that all that's not true - I usually just go out on dates I'm not too sure what to invite her to do that would be a good compromise between a date and hanging out. Is going to get drinks good enough? Or should I try and do something "fun" like bowling (please anything but bowling). Suggestions very much appreciated.

 

[disappeared]

So, I've been working on getting to know a girl at my favorite coffee shop for a while, and finally got her number last night. She said it'd be awesome to "hang out" but didn't want to make it a date (recently out of a relationship). I said that's fine, I don't like dates anyway, they just make people nervous and hanging out would be awesome, etc etc.

Only problem is that all that's not true - I usually just go out on dates I'm not too sure what to invite her to do that would be a good compromise between a date and hanging out. Is going to get drinks good enough? Or should I try and do something "fun" like bowling (please anything but bowling). Suggestions very much appreciated.

Do you have a decent park in your town/city? Go for a nice walk. It's casual and you get the time to talk and shoot the shit. Plus if there's birds you can watch them. Worked for me on several occasions with girls.

 

[DualShadow]

So, I've been working on getting to know a girl at my favorite coffee shop for a while, and finally got her number last night. She said it'd be awesome to "hang out" but didn't want to make it a date (recently out of a relationship). I said that's fine, I don't like dates anyway, they just make people nervous and hanging out would be awesome, etc etc.

Only problem is that all that's not true - I usually just go out on dates I'm not too sure what to invite her to do that would be a good compromise between a date and hanging out. Is going to get drinks good enough? Or should I try and do something "fun" like bowling (please anything but bowling). Suggestions very much appreciated.

Whatever you end up choosing just make sure you don't get friendzoned. It has to kind of feel like a date without it actually being one :lol (That doesn't make much sense but you know what I mean?)

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

I work in an office and generally see the same people everyday and talk to them because I'm forced to in order to get work done.

What city do you live in? If you're in the states, go on meetup.com and look for events in your city. Doesn't matter what it is or what it's for, just join and attend one. Go there and just talk to people. Chit chat, be social, get out of your comfort zone. Don't go there to meet women, just go to be around people and talk. Go out of your way to introduce yourself to everyone there and try to learn at least one thing about them, and tell them something about yourself. That'll help you to become comfortable with being social and talking to people.

Because I never learned how to and don't ever know what to say.

Start with learning how to interact and talk with people in general. Once you're comfortable talking to someone in a non-intimidating setting, you can start working on talking to girls.

Because I've never not been rejected. I'm also afraid of acceptance, I wouldn't know what to do if a girl finally said "Yes."

All that means is you have to figure out what you're doing wrong, and stop doing that, and at the same time, learn some techniques to boost your chances.

No, and so far every single woman I've ever liked has felt the same way.

An outside influence shouldn't be a factor in your self worth. You have to learn how to accept yourself, like yourself, love yourself, then better yourself. Unless you fix this mentality you'll never be able to be successful in the things you're trying to pursue.

Yes.

Do you think any woman is in your league? What about the homeless meth addict with 4 kids by 4 different dudes. Is she out of your league too?

Yes.

You have to work on your self esteem more than anything.

iunno.gif[/QUOTE]

Be honest with yourself and figure out what you're insecure about then. After you come up with a list, start working on knocking them down one by one. Having personal accomplishments will really boost your self esteem and help turn around your negative self image.

 

[atomsk]

So this girl that I was seeing over the summer, who gave me the "it's not you, it's me" line, and I basically deleted from my life (because I don't need any more female friends telling me "I don't understand why you're single") over a month ago... starts texting me again today.

I'm cordial, even though the temptation to text back "who is this" since I had deleted her number was there. Just basic how are you stuff, and then it rolls into "do you hate me" and asking me if we could hang out if she was in town...

So there are a bunch of scenarios/reasoning for this in my head, but I'll remain skeptical for the moment. I don't need any more bullshit drama in my life.

I'm not opposed to hanging out with her, but all things considered it's a bit strange. (Clarification: I'm not a doormat, and I certainly don't make the same stupid mistakes twice)

 

[black_13]

Sorta stuck in a situation, turns out a co-worker of mine that I've seen once a day for a year likes me. Went out together and had some fun twice in the same week now and today she texted me asking where this is going and if its a game to me. I said no and then she said we are different but she has strong feelings. I said yea that's true and I'm not sure what this is which I think she took a bit offense to that so I said no I didn't mean it in a bad way and she said that's fine.

Problem is she's from totally different background/culture/country and doesn't really speak all that much english and doesn't seem we have all that much in common so I really don't know how long such a relationship would last and since its an office thing, don't wanna screw it up either way so it doesn't get ugly. I always tell myself office dating is never a good idea yet I always end up in these situations.

which option?
A.Relationship
B.Friends with benefits
C.Back to being co-workers

 

[Gram Negative Cocci]

Grapfruitguy, you have to not give a fuck. Go into it KNOWING you're going to screw up, you're going to have long pauses, you're going to come off as creepy, you're going to be embarrassed and so on. I wouldn't recommend starting off with strangers because you won't have long enough exposure to learn from your mistakes. CoWorkers/Classmates provide great opportunities to throw shit at the wall until something sticks. Like I said, its going to be awkward, accept it yet follow through anyway. Shit, some people you can keep going on about themselves for hours with the right open ended questions.

edit: You may want to try something a little less work related with your coworkers next time. Just for practice's sake. You may also want to pick up some literature. There's lots of books that will start you off with things like active listening and open ended questions and quide you towards better conversation.

 

[BladeWorker]

Sorta stuck in a situation, turns out a co-worker of mine that I've seen once a day for a year likes me. Went out together and had some fun twice in the same week now and today she texted me asking where this is going and if its a game to me. I said no and then she said we are different but she has strong feelings. I said yea that's true and I'm not sure what this is which I think she took a bit offense to that so I said no I didn't mean it in a bad way and she said that's fine.

Problem is she's from totally different background/culture/country and doesn't really speak all that much english and doesn't seem we have all that much in common so I really don't know how long such a relationship would last and since its an office thing, don't wanna screw it up either way so it doesn't get ugly. I always tell myself office dating is never a good idea yet I always end up in these situations.

which option?
A.Relationship
B.Friends with benefits
C.Back to being co-workers

Where in that story does it mention that you like her, too?

I mean, there is no "A" without mutual attraction. "B" can only end badly if you're co-workers and she has a crush on you.

 

[Mike Works]

Sorta stuck in a situation, turns out a co-worker of mine that I've seen once a day for a year likes me. Went out together and had some fun twice in the same week now and today she texted me asking where this is going and if its a game to me. I said no and then she said we are different but she has strong feelings. I said yea that's true and I'm not sure what this is which I think she took a bit offense to that so I said no I didn't mean it in a bad way and she said that's fine.

Problem is she's from totally different background/culture/country and doesn't really speak all that much english and doesn't seem we have all that much in common so I really don't know how long such a relationship would last and since its an office thing, don't wanna screw it up either way so it doesn't get ugly. I always tell myself office dating is never a good idea yet I always end up in these situations.

which option?
A.Relationship
B.Friends with benefits
C.Back to being co-workers

D. Read this.

 

[Veelk]

Okay, since I bitched about it long enough to gaf, I suppose you guys should hear the end result.

In the end, I got rejected. For the best possible reason I suppose (She already has a boyfriend), but a rejection all the same. It really wasn't as crushing as I expected it to be. There is definitely a weight of disappointment hanging around me, but I really managed to boost my confidence before class and that stayed with me. I kept thinking "I'm awesome", and even though she rejected me, I guess the effort wasn't wasted because I didn't think of it as a loss for me, but her as well. I could have shown her a good time. It's a very strange mixture of apathy and sadness, but I'll live through it.

That said, this situation is getting rather aggravating. I've tried to go after about 5 different women now, and it ended up not being able to work out because they were already with someone. I know I only go after really hot women who are likely already to be taken, but damn, one of them must be free. And it's nice to feel that I'm not being rejected because of my looks or other flaws, but it is getting increasingly frustrating because I never know where I stand with these women. Would they have said yes if they were free? I really want to know.

 

[HappyBivouac]

Every rejection is added power. I feel like I've said this ten times and nobody takes it seriously.

Actually I probably haven't posted in this+the other thread even ten times but that's not important.

They all would've said yes dude. All of them.

 

[BladeWorker]

So this girl that I was seeing over the summer, who gave me the "it's not you, it's me" line, and I basically deleted from my life (because I don't need any more female friends telling me "I don't understand why you're single") over a month ago... starts texting me again today.

I'm cordial, even though the temptation to text back "who is this" since I had deleted her number was there. Just basic how are you stuff, and then it rolls into "do you hate me" and asking me if we could hang out if she was in town...

So there are a bunch of scenarios/reasoning for this in my head, but I'll remain skeptical for the moment. I don't need any more bullshit drama in my life.

I'm not opposed to hanging out with her, but all things considered it's a bit strange. (Clarification: I'm not a doormat, and I certainly don't make the same stupid mistakes twice)

Do you still feel that you don't want any more female friends doing the "I don't understand why you're single"?

Do you feel that this girl will bring you more drama than satisfaction?

Were you perfectly content with your situation until these texts happened?

If the answer to more than one of these questions is "yes", it would seem to me your solution is obvious: stop communicating with this girl and turn your eyes toward the blonde/brunette/redhead in the grocery store who also loves that dessert you can't get enough of. Or something.

 

[BladeWorker]

Would they have said yes if they were free? I really want to know.

Were "ifs" and "buts" candies and nuts, we'd all be fat friggen' assholes.

In other words, don't dwell unless you're learning something: are all these girls who are rejecting you because they have boyfriends of a similar pattern or behaviour type? That could be the "I have a boyfriend" behaviour that you should watch out for next time around.

 

[twilitesparklemotion]

Every rejection is added power. I feel like I've said this ten times and nobody takes it seriously.

QFT. Nicholas Gurewitch, the creator of GAF's favorite PBF, said it this way: "Get miserable."

He also said "there's so much more to life than just sex," which also enters in here...

 

[Veelk]

Were "ifs" and "buts" candies and nuts, we'd all be fat friggen' assholes.

In other words, don't dwell unless you're learning something: are all these girls who are rejecting you because they have boyfriends of a similar pattern or behaviour type? That could be the "I have a boyfriend" behaviour that you should watch out for next time around.

Well, technically only this one rejected me. For the others, I just found out before I made an ass of myself. And given my inexperience with women, I honestly wouldn't know what a taken girl is doing differently from an available one.

 

[matt360]

Women are incredibly insecure when it comes to sex. The minute you give them shit about it, they turn off. DO NOT MENTION IT AGAIN. Pretend it isn't bothering you, don't initiate, and just relax. If you keep talking about it and pressuring her, she's not going to fuck you. Period, end of story. Wait a while and see what she does. Women equate sex with emotion. If you are stressing her out and pressuring her, she will just shut down. Put some effort in to making her feel pretty and wanted. Buy her flowers and make her dinner. Reset the switch that you turned off. If you leave her alone about it, she will come around again.

Thanks. That sounds like sound advice. I do think I do a pretty good job of making her feel pretty and wanted without associating that solely with sex. But maybe she feels like everytime I give her a compliment that I'm just trying to get into her pants (which is only partly true). Sex is extremely important to me and I believe it is one of several cornerstones to a happy and successful relationship. I'm just letting my thoughts get ahead of me and I'm stressing my girl in the process. I think you're right that I just need to give her time to come around without pressuring her.

 

[DanteFox]

GAF can't help you. You need professional help.

*enter bdizzle*

lol but seriously I need girl help too. I think I've narrowed it down to one thing: I'm boring to women. Seriously. Even if I do strike up a conversation with a chick, they just get bored and it fizzles out. I actually had a gorgeous girl walk up to me and say hi at church (her friends were right next to me talking and I guess she saw I was alone LOL) and I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a single thing. I just said hi back and she got bored and went with her friends. It's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.

Feels bad man.

 

[kathode]

Whatever you end up choosing just make sure you don't get friendzoned. It has to kind of feel like a date without it actually being one :lol (That doesn't make much sense but you know what I mean?)

Yep, I've made my intentions very clear and will keep on pushing and trying to escalate

A park trip might be good but I'm in Seattle so it's cold and wet at the moment.

 

[black_13]

Where in that story does it mention that you like her, too?

I mean, there is no "A" without mutual attraction. "B" can only end badly if you're co-workers and she has a crush on you.

yea that's the problem, I do like her but not sure if I like her enough. I really barely know her as before this we had only spoken for short periods of time. But yes "B" doesn't sound too good.

D. Read this.

yes good point will fix later.

 

[disappeared]

Here's a question to those who have dealt with the phone number thing. Do you find yourself giving girls your number, or do you request theirs? Personally I've had more success with the former.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

*enter bdizzle*

lol but seriously I need girl help too. I think I've narrowed it down to one thing: I'm boring to women. Seriously. Even if I do strike up a conversation with a chick, they just get bored and it fizzles out. I actually had a gorgeous girl walk up to me and say hi at church (her friends were right next to me talking and I guess she saw I was alone LOL) and I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a single thing. I just said hi back and she got bored and went with her friends. It's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.

Feels bad man.

If youre bad at having a conversation, then practice. Church is the best place, next Sunday after service talk to everyone you can before leaving. At least 10 different people, but go for 20. Learn something about them and share something with them. Use that as practice to being able to talk to girls in the future. You have to practice this shit, it doesn't come naturally but to a few lucky bastards (and I def wasn't one of them).

Just keep talking to people. Any and everyone can be personable, witty, and charming. It just take practice and hard work.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Here's a question to those who have dealt with the phone number thing. Do you find yourself giving girls your number, or do you request theirs? Personally I've had more success with the former.

I have more luck giving mines out. I got two fake numbers last week lol.

 

[demon]

*enter bdizzle*

lol but seriously I need girl help too. I think I've narrowed it down to one thing: I'm boring to women. Seriously. Even if I do strike up a conversation with a chick, they just get bored and it fizzles out. I actually had a gorgeous girl walk up to me and say hi at church (her friends were right next to me talking and I guess she saw I was alone LOL) and I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a single thing. I just said hi back and she got bored and went with her friends. It's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.

Feels bad man.

This is me. Sucks indeed.

 

[matt360]

Here's a question to those who have dealt with the phone number thing. Do you find yourself giving girls your number, or do you request theirs? Personally I've had more success with the former.

I usually hand mine out and then try to forget about it. If they contact me, then great. If they don't, well, I may very well have already forgotten about it.

 

[MustacheBandit_]

*enter bdizzle*

lol but seriously I need girl help too. I think I've narrowed it down to one thing: I'm boring to women. Seriously. Even if I do strike up a conversation with a chick, they just get bored and it fizzles out. I actually had a gorgeous girl walk up to me and say hi at church (her friends were right next to me talking and I guess she saw I was alone LOL) and I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a single thing. I just said hi back and she got bored and went with her friends. It's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.

Feels bad man.

Goddamn it. I hate this kind of talk. You are boring to women because you go in with the mindset that you are boring. Ability to make conversation comes with practice. It has nothing to do with whether it is a guy or a girl. Do you work? If you do and it happens to be in customer service, TALK TO YOUR CUSTOMERS. Ask them how their Thanksgiving was, ask them what they did this weekend, tell them an interesting story about your day. Usually, people will enjoy the conversation. If they don't, who gives a fuck you know? You'll never see them again.

Also, stop being outcome dependent. When a girl comes and talks to you, don't immediately start to think, "what should I say" or "what if I say the wrong thing." Talk to her like she is your best friend, make eye contact, smile, just relax bro. Girls are harmless, insecure, nervous, and irrational just like everyone else. Convince yourself that she's as nervous as you are and go from there.

You have to take baby steps, and you need to look at every step as an accomplishment. This skill isn't going to come over night. Read books, internalize everything you read, work out, become a better person. In the process of doing this, you will come to like yourself, find yourself interesting, and women will find you interesting. Trust me man.

I used to weigh around 260 lbs, zits all over my face, and not a friend in sight. I decided to get in the gym, lost around 100 lbs, bought new clothes, took up a hobby, found friends doing said hobby, started going out, and on a typical night out in a club I'll average around 4-5 numbers (when I was single). This didn't happen over night and I didn't expect the results. I changed for me, because I was unhappy with myself, and the other things came. You can do it man, you really can.

 

[MustacheBandit_]

Here's a question to those who have dealt with the phone number thing. Do you find yourself giving girls your number, or do you request theirs? Personally I've had more success with the former.

I request theirs. Girls are too fickle to call and I don't want to be dependent on that. Hopefully the quality of your conversation was high enough to where she won't give you a bunk number but you never know. Sometimes though, if I meet a girl that is super cool and I'm really interested in talking to, I'll take her number and tell her to give me her phone and I'll program my number in her phone as Sexy Beast or The Man, so she knows to pick up when I call.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Smh this girl lemme hit it the first night then wanna talk bout "I gotta work for it from now on"

Do she really think I'm dumb enough to fall for that shit?

 

[Mike Works]

Okay, since I bitched about it long enough to gaf, I suppose you guys should hear the end result.

In the end, I got rejected. For the best possible reason I suppose (She already has a boyfriend), but a rejection all the same. It really wasn't as crushing as I expected it to be. There is definitely a weight of disappointment hanging around me, but I really managed to boost my confidence before class and that stayed with me. I kept thinking "I'm awesome", and even though she rejected me, I guess the effort wasn't wasted because I didn't think of it as a loss for me, but her as well. I could have shown her a good time. It's a very strange mixture of apathy and sadness, but I'll live through it.

That said, this situation is getting rather aggravating. I've tried to go after about 5 different women now, and it ended up not being able to work out because they were already with someone. I know I only go after really hot women who are likely already to be taken, but damn, one of them must be free. And it's nice to feel that I'm not being rejected because of my looks or other flaws, but it is getting increasingly frustrating because I never know where I stand with these women. Would they have said yes if they were free? I really want to know.

I don't view her having a boyfriend as really being rejected at all, and I don't think you should either.

As for the every woman ever in the whole world is in a relationship notion, you know that's not true. But you're just venting, that's fine.

Just keep your head and your confidence up and go after the next one!

 

[ianp622]

*enter bdizzle*

lol but seriously I need girl help too. I think I've narrowed it down to one thing: I'm boring to women. Seriously. Even if I do strike up a conversation with a chick, they just get bored and it fizzles out. I actually had a gorgeous girl walk up to me and say hi at church (her friends were right next to me talking and I guess she saw I was alone LOL) and I couldn't think of anything to say. Not a single thing. I just said hi back and she got bored and went with her friends. It's one of the most frustrating feelings in the world.

Feels bad man.

I have a bit of the opposite problem. I worked on my appearance, started dressing better, have more confidence, and I think I'm a pretty interesting person - but now I just have trouble finding girls that are interesting to talk to. If I can't imagine being a girl's friend and spending time hanging out doing fun stuff or just talking, I simply don't feel any attraction. The "Ugly > Boring" is starting to ring true for me. Anyway, in a couple of months I'll be somewhere else, so I can start fresh.

 

[Willectro]

Smh this girl lemme hit it the first night then wanna talk bout "I gotta work for it from now on"

Do she really think I'm dumb enough to fall for that shit?

Did this happen or is this a dream sequence?

 

[TurboLibre]

As for the every woman ever in the whole world is in a relationship notion, you know that's not true. But you're just venting, that's fine.

Of course it's an exaggeration but I can totally relate. It's scary how rare single women are in my area, it seems like the only place to meet them would be at the bars. Everywhere else I go the only women I see are literally hanging off their boyfriends arm. This town is strange though.

 

[DanteFox]

stuff

alright alright man! I'll do it! Just quit staring at me like that!

 

[Aurora]

I don't know about always trying to kiss on the first date. If the whole date is dinner, for example, there probably won't be an opportunity in the middle of the date - and there also hasn't been a chance to get more physically intimate. And if you try to barge in for a kiss when its not appropriate, or even if she's not ready for it, it can be disastrous.

In fact, I would recommend not even worrying about the kiss at all on the first date. If it is appropriate to go for it, it'll be fairly obvious, and if it's not obvious to you, don't do it.

No, I don't agree. There is always an appropriate time to kiss on the date, unless it's gone badly and there is zero chemistry, then obviously you wouldn't kiss her anyway. So long as you guys are laughing, having fun, making some physical contact etc. then you absolutely should kiss her. It's the way of saying "yes I'm attracted to you and yes I want you more than a friend". You'd be hindering yourself otherwise.

I agree with the "not worrying" part though. Kissing her shouldn't be an active conscious thing you worry about during the date because that will likely lead to nerves and awkwardness. Whenever you feel the urge to kiss her, be confident that she wants it too. That's probably the best advice I could give.

Smh this girl lemme hit it the first night then wanna talk bout "I gotta work for it from now on"

Do she really think I'm dumb enough to fall for that shit?

Yeah, this shit happened to me about a month ago. It's a ridiculous stance to take as a girl and I won't have any of it.

 

[disappeared]

Of course it's an exaggeration but I can totally relate. It's scary how rare single women are in my area, it seems like the only place to meet them would be at the bars. Everywhere else I go the only women I see are literally hanging off their boyfriends arm. This town is strange though.

You think that's strange? I live in a town of 15,000 where a good 3/4 of girls aged 19+ get the fuck out of dodge and head for the big cities. I've been here for a long time, and meeting a nice, intelligent gal in her mid-20s - single or not - would be like hitting oil on your front lawn.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

Did this happen or is this a dream sequence?

Naw, really happened. I guess she think I fall for dumb ass shit like that. This other girl kept telling me she's not gonna fuck, but comes over and let's me fuck her 1st night. It's like when girls say "you know I don't usually do that..." That's code for I'll do damn near anything, I just don't want you to think badly of me.

Don't listen to the bullshit these girls say gaf. Always go for the pussy no matter what.

 

[TurboLibre]

You think that's strange? I live in a town of 15,000 where a good 3/4 of girls aged 19+ get the fuck out of dodge and head for the big cities. I've been here for a long time, and meeting a nice, intelligent gal in her mid-20s - single or not - would be like hitting oil on your front lawn.

I live in Southern California and the town is sort of big. It's...pretty strange. I'm trying to move to LA in the near future, but it's rough getting the people together to move down.

 

[disappeared]

I live in Southern California and the town is sort of big. It's...pretty strange. I'm trying to move to LA in the near future, but it's rough getting the people together to move down.

Everybody kind of knows everybody.

 

[TurboLibre]

Everybody kind of knows everybody.

Screw that place, lets move to LA and become famous.

 

[enzo_gt]

Goddamn it. I hate this kind of talk. You are boring to women because you go in with the mindset that you are boring. Ability to make conversation comes with practice. It has nothing to do with whether it is a guy or a girl. Do you work? If you do and it happens to be in customer service, TALK TO YOUR CUSTOMERS. Ask them how their Thanksgiving was, ask them what they did this weekend, tell them an interesting story about your day. Usually, people will enjoy the conversation. If they don't, who gives a fuck you know? You'll never see them again.

Also, stop being outcome dependent. When a girl comes and talks to you, don't immediately start to think, "what should I say" or "what if I say the wrong thing." Talk to her like she is your best friend, make eye contact, smile, just relax bro. Girls are harmless, insecure, nervous, and irrational just like everyone else. Convince yourself that she's as nervous as you are and go from there.

You have to take baby steps, and you need to look at every step as an accomplishment. This skill isn't going to come over night. Read books, internalize everything you read, work out, become a better person. In the process of doing this, you will come to like yourself, find yourself interesting, and women will find you interesting. Trust me man.

I used to weigh around 260 lbs, zits all over my face, and not a friend in sight. I decided to get in the gym, lost around 100 lbs, bought new clothes, took up a hobby, found friends doing said hobby, started going out, and on a typical night out in a club I'll average around 4-5 numbers (when I was single). This didn't happen over night and I didn't expect the results. I changed for me, because I was unhappy with myself, and the other things came. You can do it man, you really can.

Good post bro. If any of y'all are doubting yourselves, read that second paragraph again. Shits golden.

 

[CzarTim]

Screw that place, lets move to LA and become famous.

Being famous is for manic-depressives and attention whores.

I'm in.

 

[TurboLibre]

Being famous is for manic-depressives and attention whores.

I'm in.

I can already picture a TV series of random forum members moving into a house and getting into heated arguments over the most inane shit.

Helloooo Hollywood money!

 

[Zeke]

so the weak link for me is sealing the deal and I have no clue how to start fixing it.

 

[ThLunarian]

No, I don't agree. There is always an appropriate time to kiss on the date, unless it's gone badly and there is zero chemistry, then obviously you wouldn't kiss her anyway. So long as you guys are laughing, having fun, making some physical contact etc. then you absolutely should kiss her. It's the way of saying "yes I'm attracted to you and yes I want you more than a friend". You'd be hindering yourself otherwise.

I agree with the "not worrying" part though. Kissing her shouldn't be an active conscious thing you worry about during the date because that will likely lead to nerves and awkwardness. Whenever you feel the urge to kiss her, be confident that she wants it too. That's probably the best advice I could give.

The "not worrying" part is pretty much all I'm saying. That way it covers everybody. If you're too inexperienced to realize when it's appropriate, then there's no danger of going for it at the wrong time. If you know exactly when it's the right time, you'll just know and you'll go for it.

My whole point is, don't fret over it and think "Wow, if I don't try to kiss her then that's it, I'm screwed." It's okay not to kiss on the first date.

 

[Emily Chu]

You know what is the ultimate motherfucker?

self sabotage, most of you do it without thinking about it.

I've told a girl on the first date I've had homosexual tendencies since I was 13.

Why did I do that ?

 

[Zeke]

naw my problem is the last 3 women that have been attracted to me all have had bf's but they won't come out and say it until we've had a make out session or they tell me they like me.

 

[TurboLibre]

You know what is the ultimate motherfucker?

self sabotage, most of you do it without thinking about it.

I've told a girl on the first date I've had homosexual tendencies since I was 13.

Why did I do that ?

Because you're used to the normal way of life and change is scary. As much as it sucks to be alone, it's normal, so it sort of feels like home. I've never been in a situation as bad as yours, but I still work pretty hard at killing every chance I get without knowing what I'm doing.

 

[The Shadow]

I disagree with that kissing rule because it forces a situation that might not be there. It's all about being in the moment, not "rules" or if/then kind of thinking.

And hell, I have a female friend in Hawaii that specifically has a rule regarding kissing. She's ok with a hug and other casual contact on a first date but if the guy tries to hold her hand or kiss her on the first date, she won't go on a second. There was even a time where she had a good time with a date and ended up ditching him because he tried to kiss her at the end on a first date. I thought she was crazy, but there you go.

Not saying it shouldn't be done at all, but it's more about playing it by ear. Is the situation right? Go for it. Do you have any kind of doubt about it? Wait until a second date. I've kissed on the first date with no issues. I've kissed on a 3rd and 4th date, no issues. It's all about the right situation and the signals she's giving you. I hate to use the term, but some girls are more prudish than others. Hard to imagine, but they might even be *gasp* nervous and don't really show clear signals at first.

My friend from Hawaii isn't a prude, but in her mind, a guy that wants a kiss on the first date, regardless of how it went, only has sex on the mind. Is she wrong? I don't care, it's her stupid rule. Just something to keep in mind that some girls think that way.


tl:dr:

Don't go into a date with a list of "rules". Every girl is different and every situation is different.

 

[Mr.Squirrel]

You know what is the ultimate motherfucker?

self sabotage, most of you do it without thinking about it.

I've told a girl on the first date I've had homosexual tendencies since I was 13.

Why did I do that ?

:lol why the fuck?