Definitely stop donating altogether. In terms of marginal utility, it'll make much more of a difference in your hands toward your own life than in Tossoff's or Planned Parenthood's. I encourage you to harbor a deep resentment in whoever it was that brainwashed you into thinking your comfort was less valuable than the Democrats' political aspirations in stretch areas they weren't going to get. Leave that to George Clooney and Meryl Streep. And in the meantime, have the courage to live your own life. You have anxiety now because Trump is deporting people who were already being deported during the Bush administration but somehow you managed to live your life just fine while people were suicide bombing in Iraq and children were being kidnapped in Nigeria. The difference is you inject a huge dose of terror into your veins every time you turn on the news, which makes you watch more news, so now you're stuck in a vicious feedback loop designed to profit over your hysteria.
I'm going to jail soon because of alcohol problems, so you're not missing out on too much.
In some ways you are speaking my language. It is outrageous to expect the poor to support institutions that should be supported by their government and to fuel politicians that waste their money on goose-chase elections. Failure has jaded me and I resent having to spend what few dollars I have on causes like these.
It also resonates with me that the world is not newly in decline. Earth has always been in turmoil. Lives have always been in danger. The virtues I hold have only ever existed in some degree of compromise and, in retrospect, this is nothing.
People have fought harder, lost more, taken greater risks, and made bigger sacrifices than I will ever make. And throughout history, people have plodded on and remained determined to survive despite the many millions of forces against them. The struggle of Americans today is the same story of Americans ten years ago, you are right, and it didn't bother me then.
But it does bother me now. Because I am here now. I am present. I feel an immense amount of responsibility to
do something. To
try. I need to know that when my were hands on the rope, I helped pull. Because no blip of history ever amounted to anything thanks to people who did nothing. Not to degrade the French peasants who died in rags before the revolution or the parents who walked their children to the coal mines - these people are victims. I need to do SOMETHING to help the victims of today. As I become more and more aware of injustice and strife, my desire to participate in the relief however I can is the defining aspect of my will to live.
So my susceptibility to donation exploitation is partly my own doing. I am always looking for ways to assert my virtue, even if it's just a cover for my own impotence. Sometimes I do it for the cause, but sometimes I do it for me. There's a lot of places I regret putting my money, but I still do it because it helps me feel present in the whirlwind of modern America.
This is a romantic and feverish view of the world. Making $5 donations to an environmentalist group isn't going to determine the fate of my planet. That extra $10 to some guy in Texas won't get him a job in the government. And that's my money - that I toil for - and it is wasted on dreams. In my futile attempts to participate in the tide of progress, I bleed my own resources to fuel a fire that barely acknowledges me.
This is pathetic.
If I see my money is being wasted, I will adjust where it goes. I won't stop, though. Because as I get a little older and make a little more money and learn a little more about my country, charity becomes increasingly more important to me. And as I work my 50-hour work week and wonder what it is I'm working for, it isn't just me. It's not just my livelihood. I want to see others protected and help them succeed. I want my success to bolster the success of others.
Figuring out the right places to donate has been a slow process. I've learned the hard way that sending my pittance to Jason Kander cost me, if nothing else, an opportunity to help someone in legitimate need. But assuming I don't explode from anxiety, I will live a long life. It will help me to know I always put my money where my heart was, even if it was sometimes foolish.
I don't make a lot of money. Neither does my fiance. But we still save. We have no debt except our car payment. We can afford our rent and have gotten used to our low-income style of living. So I don't feel bad when I buy a homeless man a coffee or give to Rachel Carson Council or my local Planned Parenthood. At least it beats consumerism.
I appreciate your challenging post and I'm sorry you're going to jail.
