If Neo's arc was set up better (which wasn't the argument that was being put forth anyway. The argument was that Neo 'worked harder' towards it, which is complete bullshit), then we argue that, using evidence from the film.
I'm arguing that the "work harder"/Mary Sue/overpowered complaints are really just about setup/foreshadowing/structure issues. Whether Neo (or Luke) actually worked harder or suffered more than Rey isn't the issue, those scripts conveyed the build up enough that the audience by and large never thought about about it.
Good setup/build up = audience accepts climax/payoff
Ok setup/build up = less of the audience accepts it.
Obviously the above relies heavily on the subjective, and if the movie completely works for you as written, that's fine. It largely works for me too...but I can see where some degree of the Mary Sue complaints are coming from, even if I don't completely agree.
And I'm totally for us using the evidence as presented in the film to judge it, hence why I feel having to use the novelization, tie-in journal, JJ interview, or the eventual sequel to explain away compliants shows flaws in the script.
(Lastly, I apologize for ignoring the Rey/sexism stuff, while I feel it likely plays some part, from my personal experience on theforce.net back when the prequels came out, people had similar discussions about Anakin.)