A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
Dragon should make a thread. That was entertaining to read.
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FakeGAF 6: Fear the Walking Thirst
- Thread starter WhereAreMahDragonz
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WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
...and we're back, ladies and gentlemen.
After a much needed peanut butter and jelly, I'm ready to continue this shitfest.
So...we left off where ADC was having a conversation with her friends. What I didn't mention was that during the rapey scene with COD, he lets it slip that her mother's not actually dead, and instead, was shunned by the community for trying to summon Satan. Gasp! She cries and tells her dad she hates him for lying to her all these years. Deb is a bitch as per usual.
Finn like...deadass...pulls up in a police cruiser? Because his dad's a cop or whatever. They both start asking ADC about the dead people. COD is basically like "don't fucking tell them anything" and he and the cop throw shade at each other. It's kind of a waste of time, honestly. But then one of ADC's friends starts causing a scene about COD being gropey as fuck...which gets her arrested??? She gets shunned and spits in his face. She instantly becomes my second fave character in the whole movie for not taking his shit.
fuck the patriarchy and your slut shaming mentality...imma go do me #badbitch
ADC runs through the woods and one of the Amish police guys watches her go on a horse. Totally not weird.
Cut to...Finn being a mechanic! So original. Boys fixing cars, who else has done that before? ADC comes up to him while he's tinkering and I'm like "umm.....how the hell do you know where he works again? aren't there like a million garages in this town?" Anyway they go and try to find ADC's shunned friend. They magically know exactly where she is, apparently. And Finn also knows where ADC's mom lives? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Remember that lady in the red car I was telling you about? Well, holy shit, it's ADC's mom. Who would have thought? They have an awkward reunion, ADC's friend makes some toast, and they talk about how evil COD is. They all think he's the one who's been killing the girls. "Wowza, what a twist," said no one ever.
And then...COD and his goonies come to Momma ADC's house, and they're all like, "WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE MAHDRAGONZ GIRLS?" and Mom gets slapped really fucking hard and ADC and her pal escape through the window. Finn picks them up and brings them back to his place. You know where this is going next.
So...ADC is just...chillin'...in Finn's room...in a bathrobe....and Finn tells her his dad conveniently won't be back until the morning and that her friend's already asleep. Hm. He calls himself stupid and she goes "you do that a lot" and I yell "IT'S BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!" He tells her she doesn't have to be an Amish person anymore and can go live with Momma ADC.
And then one thing leads to another and they start making out. Silly horny teens. Obviously they bang. Clarke and I are right outside the window going "Get the fuck away from herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and screaming into the abyss.
"I already fucked them both. Lexa was an amazing service top and Finn has a small dick." --Clarke Griffin, 2016
Finn's dad comes home and is like "THEY'RE WITNESSES I NEED TO TAKE THEM IN" but the girls escape and run away. They're walking through the woods and almost get caught but they...crouch? and apparently aren't seen. Whatever. I'm done trying to explain the shit this movie does. Anyway, ADC is like "my dad will help us...I'll force him to." and I'm like "OOOOOH EVIL SHIT? FINALLY??"
Small intermission here to talk about how I'm four and a half drinks, one PB&J, some potato chips, and a glass of milk in. I really just want some pizza rolls, honestly, but I can't drive and so, in a cruel twist of fate, I'm stuck here, writing this shit out for you guys. I hope you're happy. Print this out and frame it on your wall or something.
Anyway, ADC goes home and her dad is happy to see her. Deb...not so much. ADC goes "dad you fucked up but you gotta do this for me" and then her friend comes around the corner and is like "...so....can I live under your stairwell or something?" Deb deadass starts screaming about how they could be shunned, and ADC starts quoting the bible about forgiveness and doing good things for those who don't deserve it or whatever. You know, I'm not a religious person, but I found god in that moment. That shit....was way hotter than it was probably supposed to be.
Our Lexa in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
thy kingdom come,
thy cool sword twirl be done,
in Polis as it is in the City of Light.
Give us today our gay revolution.
And forgive us our shipping,
as we also have forgiven The CW.
And lead us not into a Bellarke endgame,
but deliver us from Jason Rothenberg.
Amen.
ADC's dad lets her friend stay, Deb leaves in a huff (about fucking time, jesus). That night (holy fucking shit do you people ever sleep) her friend (who's name is Ruth apparently), runs off into the woods. Wow. This sure seems like a great fucking idea, considering there's someone out there murdering y'all.
ADC chases after her. But...she instead ends up at COD's house? What the fuck? She creeps on him through the window. Ruth shows up there too...sigh. They run into the barn and Ruth's like "I gotta find proof he's the killer" and ADC is lowkey like "you're a fucking idiot". Of course, COD comes looking for them because he heard them lurking about. They hide in some hay, and then...no joke....a pale hand comes out and grabs them. They scream, ADC has an episode again, and COD finds her in the hay. He sees Ruth run away and while he's distracted, ADC straight up goes "deuces" and runs away.
Ruth runs back home and begs her dad to let her stay. He agrees, and then a shadowy figure pops out of the bushes next to his porch, does a drive by slashing of his throat, and vanishes. Like you can't make this shit up, man. Ruth tries to save herself by...running to the outhouse? Okay. Long story short, spooky hooded figure pulls a magic trick on her and starts throwing knives and shit into the box. She lives, her dad (who is still alive apparently?) comes to save her and dies again. She runs into the house...honestly it's really stupid and you know from the very beginning that she's gonna die anyway and that's exactly what happens so I'll just save us all some time.
COD declares that ADC is the devil and talks to Deb in order to find ADC. Deb...tries to cover for her? It doesn't really work and he goes off and looks for her at the house of the last living girl.
Meanwhile ADC's having a grand ol' time trekking through the woods with no real purpose. Her dad's looking for her, Deb holds up a candle, ominous music plays.
Deb gets killed by spooky hooded figure. ADC's dad finds his daughter unconscious (when did that happen? I saw her walking around like five minutes ago...whatever). Her dad brings her to the other girl's house, decrees that she needs a doctor, formulates the battle plan, and...off they go! The only thing of note that happens here is that ADC keeps freaking the fuck out.
"I had a nightmare....that I died....and Bellarke...became....canon...."
Her friend goes to...find help, or whatever, which was clearly not in the battle plan, and she dies. But not before telling everyone that ADC's at her house! Cue...angry mob. But they're all holding fucking candles and not fiery pitchforks and it's honestly hilarious.
COD confronts ADC who's comatose and spazzing out, and he's groping her some more while reciting biblical shit....and I'm fuming.....and then he ties her to the bed. He lights some candles, too. Because Lexa loves candles. Who doesn't, honestly?
Meanwhile Finn's in his dad's cop car and speeding on his way there, because he heard on the radio that shit was going down. It's a mess. COD starts being gropey again, Finn shows up...just in the nick of time, if you catch my drift, and gets the everliving snot beaten out of him. COD pulls a huge ass knife out and is about to stab my baby girl, but he...touches her stomach? And she stops freaking out. She starts muttering something, and he leans in to hear, and she bites his ear off. It's fucking great.
Her dad saves her and puts her on a stretcher. ADC goes to the hospital and she realizes she's gonna be the devil's hand. Cause guess what? It's her birthday, and only 25 minutes until midnight!!!!
God fucking dammit...All I wanted was a chocolate cake with sprinkles. And lots of candles on top. Worst. Birthday. Ever.
With five minutes to spare, Momma ADC comes in and tells her daughter about how sickly she was as a baby, and how she prayed to god but he didn't do shit (as usual, but alas), so instead she made a deal with the devil to keep ADC alive. It's revealed that her mom's been "in service to her" this whole time (me: "same") and has killed the other girls so that ADC becomes the devil's hand. Woo what a twist!! Too bad no one cares anymore. Or, correction. They never did. Well, I didn't, anyway.
Finn shows up to visit her....right as the clock strikes midnight. Uh oh. ADC goes "It's almost over" and I weep with joy because thank fucking god, I am so sick and tired of this movie. They kiss, and then the best thing ever happens. She deadass goes
...and snaps his fucking neck.
This was my exact expression throughout the entire movie.
It's the moment we've all been waiting for! Murder time!!!!!!
ADC goes back to COD's house, the candles go out (RIP), and in the dark, she slaughters all his cronies. And then, in the final moments of the movie, she hands him a glass of water, says "It's time for your examination", she like...disembowels him or something, he screams, and the movie cuts to black.
Blood must have blood, bitch.
Anyway, that's it. That's the movie. Go home. I've got nothing more for you guys. I'm gonna go have a bagel and pass the fuck out. Dragonz, signing the FUCK OFF.
After a much needed peanut butter and jelly, I'm ready to continue this shitfest.
So...we left off where ADC was having a conversation with her friends. What I didn't mention was that during the rapey scene with COD, he lets it slip that her mother's not actually dead, and instead, was shunned by the community for trying to summon Satan. Gasp! She cries and tells her dad she hates him for lying to her all these years. Deb is a bitch as per usual.
Finn like...deadass...pulls up in a police cruiser? Because his dad's a cop or whatever. They both start asking ADC about the dead people. COD is basically like "don't fucking tell them anything" and he and the cop throw shade at each other. It's kind of a waste of time, honestly. But then one of ADC's friends starts causing a scene about COD being gropey as fuck...which gets her arrested??? She gets shunned and spits in his face. She instantly becomes my second fave character in the whole movie for not taking his shit.
fuck the patriarchy and your slut shaming mentality...imma go do me #badbitch
ADC runs through the woods and one of the Amish police guys watches her go on a horse. Totally not weird.
Cut to...Finn being a mechanic! So original. Boys fixing cars, who else has done that before? ADC comes up to him while he's tinkering and I'm like "umm.....how the hell do you know where he works again? aren't there like a million garages in this town?" Anyway they go and try to find ADC's shunned friend. They magically know exactly where she is, apparently. And Finn also knows where ADC's mom lives? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.
Remember that lady in the red car I was telling you about? Well, holy shit, it's ADC's mom. Who would have thought? They have an awkward reunion, ADC's friend makes some toast, and they talk about how evil COD is. They all think he's the one who's been killing the girls. "Wowza, what a twist," said no one ever.
And then...COD and his goonies come to Momma ADC's house, and they're all like, "WHERE ARE THEY? WHERE ARE MAH
So...ADC is just...chillin'...in Finn's room...in a bathrobe....and Finn tells her his dad conveniently won't be back until the morning and that her friend's already asleep. Hm. He calls himself stupid and she goes "you do that a lot" and I yell "IT'S BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!" He tells her she doesn't have to be an Amish person anymore and can go live with Momma ADC.
And then one thing leads to another and they start making out. Silly horny teens. Obviously they bang. Clarke and I are right outside the window going "Get the fuck away from herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" and screaming into the abyss.
"I already fucked them both. Lexa was an amazing service top and Finn has a small dick." --Clarke Griffin, 2016
Finn's dad comes home and is like "THEY'RE WITNESSES I NEED TO TAKE THEM IN" but the girls escape and run away. They're walking through the woods and almost get caught but they...crouch? and apparently aren't seen. Whatever. I'm done trying to explain the shit this movie does. Anyway, ADC is like "my dad will help us...I'll force him to." and I'm like "OOOOOH EVIL SHIT? FINALLY??"
Small intermission here to talk about how I'm four and a half drinks, one PB&J, some potato chips, and a glass of milk in. I really just want some pizza rolls, honestly, but I can't drive and so, in a cruel twist of fate, I'm stuck here, writing this shit out for you guys. I hope you're happy. Print this out and frame it on your wall or something.
Anyway, ADC goes home and her dad is happy to see her. Deb...not so much. ADC goes "dad you fucked up but you gotta do this for me" and then her friend comes around the corner and is like "...so....can I live under your stairwell or something?" Deb deadass starts screaming about how they could be shunned, and ADC starts quoting the bible about forgiveness and doing good things for those who don't deserve it or whatever. You know, I'm not a religious person, but I found god in that moment. That shit....was way hotter than it was probably supposed to be.
Our Lexa in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
thy kingdom come,
thy cool sword twirl be done,
in Polis as it is in the City of Light.
Give us today our gay revolution.
And forgive us our shipping,
as we also have forgiven The CW.
And lead us not into a Bellarke endgame,
but deliver us from Jason Rothenberg.
Amen.
ADC's dad lets her friend stay, Deb leaves in a huff (about fucking time, jesus). That night (holy fucking shit do you people ever sleep) her friend (who's name is Ruth apparently), runs off into the woods. Wow. This sure seems like a great fucking idea, considering there's someone out there murdering y'all.
ADC chases after her. But...she instead ends up at COD's house? What the fuck? She creeps on him through the window. Ruth shows up there too...sigh. They run into the barn and Ruth's like "I gotta find proof he's the killer" and ADC is lowkey like "you're a fucking idiot". Of course, COD comes looking for them because he heard them lurking about. They hide in some hay, and then...no joke....a pale hand comes out and grabs them. They scream, ADC has an episode again, and COD finds her in the hay. He sees Ruth run away and while he's distracted, ADC straight up goes "deuces" and runs away.
Ruth runs back home and begs her dad to let her stay. He agrees, and then a shadowy figure pops out of the bushes next to his porch, does a drive by slashing of his throat, and vanishes. Like you can't make this shit up, man. Ruth tries to save herself by...running to the outhouse? Okay. Long story short, spooky hooded figure pulls a magic trick on her and starts throwing knives and shit into the box. She lives, her dad (who is still alive apparently?) comes to save her and dies again. She runs into the house...honestly it's really stupid and you know from the very beginning that she's gonna die anyway and that's exactly what happens so I'll just save us all some time.
COD declares that ADC is the devil and talks to Deb in order to find ADC. Deb...tries to cover for her? It doesn't really work and he goes off and looks for her at the house of the last living girl.
Meanwhile ADC's having a grand ol' time trekking through the woods with no real purpose. Her dad's looking for her, Deb holds up a candle, ominous music plays.
Deb gets killed by spooky hooded figure. ADC's dad finds his daughter unconscious (when did that happen? I saw her walking around like five minutes ago...whatever). Her dad brings her to the other girl's house, decrees that she needs a doctor, formulates the battle plan, and...off they go! The only thing of note that happens here is that ADC keeps freaking the fuck out.
"I had a nightmare....that I died....and Bellarke...became....canon...."
Her friend goes to...find help, or whatever, which was clearly not in the battle plan, and she dies. But not before telling everyone that ADC's at her house! Cue...angry mob. But they're all holding fucking candles and not fiery pitchforks and it's honestly hilarious.
COD confronts ADC who's comatose and spazzing out, and he's groping her some more while reciting biblical shit....and I'm fuming.....and then he ties her to the bed. He lights some candles, too. Because Lexa loves candles. Who doesn't, honestly?
Meanwhile Finn's in his dad's cop car and speeding on his way there, because he heard on the radio that shit was going down. It's a mess. COD starts being gropey again, Finn shows up...just in the nick of time, if you catch my drift, and gets the everliving snot beaten out of him. COD pulls a huge ass knife out and is about to stab my baby girl, but he...touches her stomach? And she stops freaking out. She starts muttering something, and he leans in to hear, and she bites his ear off. It's fucking great.
Her dad saves her and puts her on a stretcher. ADC goes to the hospital and she realizes she's gonna be the devil's hand. Cause guess what? It's her birthday, and only 25 minutes until midnight!!!!
God fucking dammit...All I wanted was a chocolate cake with sprinkles. And lots of candles on top. Worst. Birthday. Ever.
With five minutes to spare, Momma ADC comes in and tells her daughter about how sickly she was as a baby, and how she prayed to god but he didn't do shit (as usual, but alas), so instead she made a deal with the devil to keep ADC alive. It's revealed that her mom's been "in service to her" this whole time (me: "same") and has killed the other girls so that ADC becomes the devil's hand. Woo what a twist!! Too bad no one cares anymore. Or, correction. They never did. Well, I didn't, anyway.
Finn shows up to visit her....right as the clock strikes midnight. Uh oh. ADC goes "It's almost over" and I weep with joy because thank fucking god, I am so sick and tired of this movie. They kiss, and then the best thing ever happens. She deadass goes
...and snaps his fucking neck.
This was my exact expression throughout the entire movie.
It's the moment we've all been waiting for! Murder time!!!!!!
ADC goes back to COD's house, the candles go out (RIP), and in the dark, she slaughters all his cronies. And then, in the final moments of the movie, she hands him a glass of water, says "It's time for your examination", she like...disembowels him or something, he screams, and the movie cuts to black.
Blood must have blood, bitch.
Anyway, that's it. That's the movie. Go home. I've got nothing more for you guys. I'm gonna go have a bagel and pass the fuck out. Dragonz, signing the FUCK OFF.
You Know Nothing
Member
Man, now I really want a drunk Em review of 50 Shades.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
Honestly I could have summed this movie up as: "Cinnamon roll becomes sinnamon roll".
You Know Nothing
Member
Y'all wanna hear about my wild night last night?
I went to bed at 11 on a Friday night. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I went to bed at 11 on a Friday night. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
Fuck...she's in Into The Storm....
God fucking dammit don't do this to me again
God fucking dammit don't do this to me again
Pretty sure that's a bit role in Into the Storm.
I finished up that cinematic watch of 358/2 Days. Poor Roxas. His life is fucked
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
I know I'm fucking going to. It looks bad but...I don't have a choice.
ADC's film career is slowly sinking into the abyss and dragging Em with it.
=
You're fuckin' kidding me, right? That's some Maleficent levels of pettiness.
Em you know how much I love Natalie Dormer, but I still didn't watch The Forest. You don't need to subject yourself to shit-tier horror just because she's in it.
You Know Nothing
Member
ADC gotta eat.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
let me live
A Fish Aficionado
I am going to make it through this year if it kills me
So did I. Woke up at 6am and went for a run. Now making breakfast.
Can you call this living? The movie's called FRIEND REQUEST, Em. That's the worst horror title since Unfriended. In fact, this just seems like a lazy version of Unfriended.
And what's her next movie called? Liked.
LIKED, EMILY! WHAT MADNESS IS THIS?!
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
lexa didn't die for this
You Know Nothing
Member
Tbf, all these shitty movies are probably still better written than Fear the Walking Dead.
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
I like FTWD 😐
=
As bad as FTWD is, it can't beat that. Besides, I like the premise of FTWD because it happens in SoCal and I've actually been to some of the locations that they used, including ADC's character's high school.
And Liked is described as being Unfriended if that movie was
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
kay I'm tired and probably being possessed by satan now or some shit so it's lights out for me
Kingdom Hearts' English voice cast is insane
Haley Joel Osment, Hayden Panettier, Billy Zane, Mandy Moore, Christy Carlson Romano, Dee Bradley Baker, Corey Burton, Jim Cummings, Gilbert Gottfried, Ken Page, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Lee, Leonard Nemoy, James Woods, etc. Guess it pays to have Disney backing you.
Haley Joel Osment, Hayden Panettier, Billy Zane, Mandy Moore, Christy Carlson Romano, Dee Bradley Baker, Corey Burton, Jim Cummings, Gilbert Gottfried, Ken Page, Chris Sarandon, Christopher Lee, Leonard Nemoy, James Woods, etc. Guess it pays to have Disney backing you.
if only they spent money into getting good writers tho.
They're pretty limited to whatever the Japanese dialogue is.
I like this monologue, though
You Know Nothing
Member
Murakami should write a JRPG.
That be a fucking trip.
You Know Nothing
Member
The author of A Thousand Years of Dreams for Lost Odyssey could work too.
They were well above "video game writing" league.
?
We're not even talking about semen or anal and you ask that now.
They were well above "video game writing" league.
?
We're not even talking about semen or anal and you ask that now.
WhereAreMahDragonz
Banned
I'm mean if one of y'all wanna gift me 50 shades I'll review it but I'm not buying it myself
When was the last time you had/made creampie? 🌚
trab pu kcip
Member
my vision is blurry ever since I got something stuck in my eye earlier and washed my eyeball for like 15 minutes.
I'm going out later tonight and I basically have the make up/hairdo of a recent blind person now. plus still mildly red eyes. I guess I'll just try that look out
I'm going out later tonight and I basically have the make up/hairdo of a recent blind person now. plus still mildly red eyes. I guess I'll just try that look out
You Know Nothing
Member
Funky Papa
FUNK-Y-PPA-4
I'm feeling a bit gay already.
SolVanderlyn
Thanos acquires the fully powered Infinity Gauntlet in The Avengers: Infinity War, but loses when all the superheroes team up together to stop him.
I'm sorry to hear that clyde
You Know Nothing
Member
Greece's song is so bad. But the video has a hot shirtless guy in it.
10/10 it should win.
trab pu kcip
Member
man the fun never stops with this avatar
You Know Nothing
Member
Hungary's sucks. But whew lord the guy singing it.
Someone get me a gallon jug of water.
Such good camp.
Someone get me a gallon jug of water.
Such good camp.
You Know Nothing
Member
liliththepale
Banned
Any news on the accident? Or do you just have to sit tight for a while and wait for the paperwork to be mailed?
You Know Nothing
Member
On my way to Chilliwack...
Try not to get whacked in Chilliwack.
Our entry is so crappy that I won't even watch it.
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