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[FallingEdge]

Some days I get close to 300g of protein. I'm not trying to at that point but it just happens. Cmon kidneys, hold on for me.

Physical and bloodwork done. Will find the results on Monday. Will share accordingly.

Yes I stood on a chair for dat lighting.

 

[Visceir]

sometimes, after a first accomplished 1st set, I feel hyped, on fire and want to try right away, I fear that if I wait to much, I'd lose the physical disposition I feel, happens with Squat, mostly.

other days, I really want to wait not 7 minutes but a whole complete day, lol, I dread going into the next one, mostly when I know it's not going to happen... happens with OHP mostly.

I usually try to get my pulse down as fast as possible after I've completed a lift and then induce that "hype" again by focusing on something specific that brings it back up. It's more tough to get back into that mindset when I ask someone to spot me and then try to focus while also trying to not waste the other guy's time. Think Matt Kroc talked about a similar thing in his back workout video. Definitely want to train/practice it to control it even better.

As for exercises I dread doing....pull-ups and chin-ups. Dunno what it is but I just really dislike doing the following ones after the first one. Usually also have a 4 - 5 min break inbetween those.

 

[Brolic Gaoler]

Moving this so Sean doesn't miss my response. On that note, I wonder where the "quote" thing went that lets you know when someone quotes you.

What's your macro break down Brolic? Or do you have no clue.

I tried to stop counting for 2 weeks. I feel like I'm softer and flabbier :/. Could be in my head but I'm going back to strict counting today.

Why is it so easy for me to put on fat

Dunno don't care as long as I get stronger and I'm happy. I'd guess around 150-250 protein and 300-600 carbs depending varying up and down those ranges depending on off days/training days.

Possibly more on both ends on training days depending on how much I wanna eat.

Some days I get close to 300g of protein. I'm not trying to at that point but it just happens. Cmon kidneys, hold on for me.

My main thing was to experiment to reduce the amount of money I'm spending on whey. So I went to unrestricted carbs and only doing 1 shake a day with 2 servings. I figure if I hit 150+ protein I'm good. Until my strength declines I'll keep doing this, but if I was restricting carbs I'd definitely up the protein.

 

[FallingEdge]

My main thing was to experiment to reduce the amount of money I'm spending on whey. So I went to unrestricted carbs and only doing 1 shake a day with 2 servings. I figure if I hit 150+ protein I'm good. Until my strength declines I'll keep doing this, but if I was restricting carbs I'd definitely up the protein.

We are naturals so I think eating .8-1g of your bodyweight in protein is more than enough. And as you said, until your strength declines or you aren't putting on mass or are feeling lethargic, just keep at it.

 

[Brolic Gaoler]

We are naturals so I think eating .8-1g of your bodyweight in protein is more than enough. And as you said, until your strength declines or you aren't putting on mass or are feeling lethargic, just keep at it.

Yeah, exactly. That or I start taking pro-hormones, lol, which isn't gonna happen any time soon.

 

[keezy]

We are naturals so I think eating .8-1g of your bodyweight in protein is more than enough. And as you said, until your strength declines or you aren't putting on mass or are feeling lethargic, just keep at it.

I'm natural and I eat about 1.5(minimum). I can't imagine eating 1g/lb or even less than that. 175/6=30g protein per meal. Especially if you're trying to gain strength/size. I know this has been mentioned before but this just doesn't make sense.

 

[abuC]

I actually reduced my protein lately because I'm not restricting carbs at all. (since we know you need less protein of you increase carbs) and my strength has continued (so far) to increase. I've actually been having better workouts these last few weeks than I can remember.

Yeah, that's where my problem is, I'm on a pretty strict carb restriction diet. On average I take in about 75g per day from Sunday to Thursday, this is the first time I've had a really big drop off too, so I'm pretty sure it's protein related.

 

[FallingEdge]

I'm natural and I eat about 1.5(minimum). I can't imagine eating 1g/lb or even less than that. 175/6=30g protein per meal. Especially if you're trying to gain strength/size. I know this has been mentioned before but this just doesn't make sense.

There have been studies that indicate that .8g of protein per lb of bodyweight is more than enough to grow. Of course, more doesn't necessarily hurt but if someone isn't getting 1.5g/lb, they shouldn't be worrying about it impacting them negatively.

 

[MrToughPants]

Some days I get close to 300g of protein. I'm not trying to at that point but it just happens. Cmon kidneys, hold on for me.

Physical and bloodwork done. Will find the results on Monday. Will share accordingly.

I only get around 200g at 195 even at 215 I didn't go over 250g, my protein vs carb ratio has been like 1:4 for a while now.

 

[APF]

Yeah, protein synthesis in natural trainees isn't high enough to justify the enormous protein intakes that some people recommend. Even the 1g/pound figure is over the "just to be safe" number, at least according to research that has looked into it. If you want to eat more that's of course fine, but remember protein is both very satiating and has a high thermic effect (which is perfect when dieting but could be counter-productive if you're trying to eat a lot)

 

[Stannis]

Hey fellas.

Finally got my account activated so of course had to post in the Fitness thread first and say hello! I've been a long time FitGaf lurker so it's going to be good to be able to start joining the discussion.

What would you guys recommend to someone just stating lifting again after a 5 month break? I was previously doing 5/3/1 BBB so I've been toying with the idea of going back to that with lower 1rm's or perhaps doing a few months on Stating Strength first?

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Hey fellas.

Finally got my account activated so of course had to post in the Fitness thread first and say hello! I've been a long time FitGaf lurker so it's going to be good to be able to start joining the discussion.

What would you guys recommend to someone just stating lifting again after a 5 month break? I was previously doing 5/3/1 BBB so I've been toying with the idea of going back to that with lower 1rm's or perhaps doing a few months on Stating Strength first?

Month of so on SS sounds fine, as soon as you're ready to hop back into 531 that's when your lifts will stall and you'll know it.

WELCOME BRAH

 

[Stannis]

Month of so on SS sounds fine, as soon as you're ready to hop back into 531 that's when your lifts will stall and you'll know it.

WELCOME BRAH

Yeah that's what I was thinking, just to re-introduce myself to the lifts and get the worst of the DOMS out of the way.

THANKS BRAH!

 

[borghe]

PR'ed on dead lift this morning (300#)

Kind of weird... did like 5x135#, 3x225#, 2x275#, then went right to 300# and could just barely NOT break inertia........ TWICE!! But I KNEW I had to have it.. So I went to 1x285, then 1x290, then I went back to 1x300 and hit it beautifully. "might" have been able to go to 305# or 310#, but I was good staying there this time.

fwiw, I'm 5'8" and 155lb. So I'm only 10# off of 2x bodyweight!! so awesome.

 

[Imm0rt4l]

I'm natural and I eat about 1.5(minimum). I can't imagine eating 1g/lb or even less than that. 175/6=30g protein per meal. Especially if you're trying to gain strength/size. I know this has been mentioned before but this just doesn't make sense.

Dieting down to really low bodyfat isn't really comparable to people with less ambitious goals. Do you do your own diet, or do you have a prep coach?

 

[borghe]

Yeah, protein synthesis in natural trainees isn't high enough to justify the enormous protein intakes that some people recommend. Even the 1g/pound figure is over the "just to be safe" number, at least according to research that has looked into it. If you want to eat more that's of course fine, but remember protein is both very satiating and has a high thermic effect (which is perfect when dieting but could be counter-productive if you're trying to eat a lot)

Paleo Diet suggests for "high activity" to shoot for at least 1g/pound of lean body mass. So even that is below 1g/pound (total). My gains have been constant but far from super rapid, and I've stuck to that (usually trying for at least 135-145g of protein a day at 155lb and 10-11% BF). Weight (down to the pound) obviously fluctuates wildly... what I will say is that 1-2 years ago it was not uncommon for me to drop down on a given day to 153lb or BELOW... and I can honestly say in the past 6 months or so that I can probably count the number of times I've dropped TO 153lb on one hand.. otherwise usually 154-157lb or so.. So I guess you can say I've put on at least 1-3lb total in the last 6-12 months, but at the same time have also stayed at the same BF% (so really I've only put on like .9-2.7lb of muscle)

Still, for me my diet has been wonderfully maintainable to the exact same degree for over 2 years... so at this point there's no way I would change it just to change my rate of progress.

 

[MrOogieBoogie]

PR'ed on dead lift this morning (300#)

Kind of weird... did like 5x135#, 3x225#, 2x275#, then went right to 300# and could just barely NOT break inertia........ TWICE!! But I KNEW I had to have it.. So I went to 1x285, then 1x290, then I went back to 1x300 and hit it beautifully. "might" have been able to go to 305# or 310#, but I was good staying there this time.

fwiw, I'm 5'8" and 155lb. So I'm only 10# off of 2x bodyweight!! so awesome.

Nice work! I hit my deadlift PR today with 1x255 (I'm about 149lbs right now), which I'm elated about considering I didn't even go into the gym today with intentions to deadlift.

Speaking of PRs and progression, both my bench press and deadlifts have been going up nicely. I feel very strong in both lifts, and considering I've only been working at them for a few months I'm making pretty quick gains already.

But the squat, man. I never skip leg day, but I guess my legs just aren't that strong yet. I'm benching and squatting at 160lbs atm (for reps), which is just weird to me. My squats should be higher, no? My deadlift is considerably better than my squat.

Anyway, I've uploaded yet another squat form video, this time with the help of a friend who was able to get it from a nice angle. I really hope you guys don't find these videos annoying, and if you do please let me know and I'll quit posting them. I'm just so determined to get my form down.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-_VdyPjQPrk&feature=youtube_gdata

I figured I'd post a video of my last set of squats (fourth set, five reps), where I'm most tired and prone to compromising my form. That dreaded buttwink... I dunno guys, I feel like it's just inevitable. Can't see how it's humanely possible to not have your butt drop when you go so deep.

I feel great after squats, so I doubt it's my form keeping me from progressing. No lower back pain or aches, no knee pain, etc. My quads are on fire during my sets, so at least I'm hitting them well.

Thoughts?

 

[Cudder]

why are you so far out from the rack lol

 

[MrOogieBoogie]

why are you so far out from the rack lol

Cause it's one of those annoying racks that are made for half-squatters (no offense to anyone, just a joke). The bar would hit the sides on my way down.

 

[Chocobro]

Moving this so Sean doesn't miss my response. On that note, I wonder where the "quote" thing went that lets you know when someone quotes you.

Evilore removed it because it was too taxing on the database. It was such a good feature even though there were a few times where I was quoted but it didn't show up in the tab.


Pretty good session today; I think Friday is when I usually get my 5x3s because I get to sleep 9H instead of the usual 7-8H.
Squats: 100 lbs 5/5/3 --> 105 lbs, 5x3
BP: 90 5/4/4 ---> 90 5x3
OHP: 70 lbs 5/4/4; no change
Chin-up: 7/3/3 --> 7/5/3 (have to increase rest interval even more)
Pull-up: 4/4/4
Deadlift: 120 3x1 (I think I'm going to go back to a lower weigh and make sure my form is maintained throughout all reps because I felt my form break on the 4th rep the second time in the week).

I recall someone (I believe it was Cooter) posting a video on how to do muscle-ups? It would be fantastic if I can get that link; there's a strong guy in our gym that is trying to do a muscle-up but just can't get the lifting himself up part.

 

[borghe]

But the squat, man. I never skip leg day, but I guess my legs just aren't that strong yet. I'm benching and squatting at 160lbs atm (for reps), which is just weird to me. My squats should be higher, no? My deadlift is considerably better than my squat.

with all things "perfect", rough guideline is dead lift should be about 150% of your squat, clean (and front squat) should be about 80% of your squat, and snatch should be about 66% of your squat. If these numbers don't line up, it "could" mean that there are other issues (form, technique, mobility, injury, etc)

my current numbers are
dead lift 300 (hip/hamstring mobility limitations)
squat 230
clean 165 (technique and hip/hamstring limitations)
front squat 195 (better mobility than back squat believe it or not)
snatch 125 (BIG shoulder/wrist mobility along with hip/hamstring limitations.. getting there)

so yeah, it's "all things perfect" which of course are never perfect. For me I know I need to work big time on my hip and hamstring mobility (for instance I can't sit 90° with straight legs and a lumbar curve), and for snatch I need to get wrist and shoulder mobility there so I can have my grip wide enough that I'm properly hitting the power position on my last pull.

as for leg day... heh... one thing I can say I love about crossfit, almost EVERY day is leg day. whether oly, dead lift, squat, running, jump rope, box jumps, etc. can probably count the days in a month with limited-to-no leg work on one hand.. probably even just a few fingers.

edit - your form looks great in that video. you have a bit of a wink at the bottom, but then straighten out right away when you come back into your flexible range so there doesn't seem to be a big deal. On a couple of them your knees went in a little bit. Think about splitting the floor apart with your feet. also when you kind of bounce like you do, make sure you're keeping a tight core. your chest stayed up just so I'm guessing you did.. just thinking that as you add weight on there that small bounce is going to make it tougher to keep your core tight.

 

[APF]

Still, for me my diet has been wonderfully maintainable to the exact same degree for over 2 years... so at this point there's no way I would change it just to change my rate of progress.

I'm personally less interested in maintaining a strict bodyfat percentage, I feel it's a pointless exercise in narcissism especially when you get older (I'm 38). Instead I try to keep within a range, currently between 12-15%, mostly for health reasons. When I was younger I would range between 6-8% (or lower; I used to diet down until I could see striations in my glutes), which IMO wasn't very healthy either on a physiological or psychological level. Personally I'd rather see the strength gains in the gym, than freak out on maintaining an even lower bodyfat percentage for no particular reason. But again I started out super skinny (6'2", 145#; now 205#), so my head is at a different place than someone who started out heavier and has always wanted to be lean.

 

[borghe]

I'm personally less interested in maintaining a strict bodyfat percentage, I feel it's a pointless exercise in narcissism especially when you get older (I'm 38). Instead I try to keep within a range, currently between 12-15%, mostly for health reasons. When I was younger I would range between 6-8% (or lower; I used to diet down until I could see striations in my glutes), which IMO wasn't very healthy either on a physiological or psychological level. Personally I'd rather see the strength gains in the gym, than freak out on maintaining an even lower bodyfat percentage for no particular reason. But again I started out super skinny (6'2", 145#; now 205#), so my head is at a different place than someone who started out heavier and has always wanted to be lean.

actually agree with you 100%. In no way, shape, or form is BF% a goal of mine (almost 39 here... I have a tiny roll at the bottom of my back.. it's called age ) It's just a product of my diet mixed with my program. Literally my only two goals in fitness/health are:

maintainable nutrition
progress in the gym

everything else is a by-product of one of those two.

 

[FallingEdge]

I just want to people to look at me and mistake me for a professional wrestler.

 

[Visceir]

Deadlift: 120 3x1 (I think I'm going to go back to a lower weigh and make sure my form is maintained throughout all reps because I felt my form break on the 4th rep the second time in the week).

Just out of curiosity, since deadlift is done usually with 45 lbs plates, isn't the bare minimum for a deadlift like 135 lbs? Or do you have plates that are the size of 45 lbs plates, but weigh less? Or do you use a bar that weighs less?

The new gym I'm going to has a different kind of squat rack so I don't get to do rack pulls and did deadlifts instead today. Practiced my form with 135 lbs for a few sets and then did one set of 8 with 176 lbs. Tempted to just bump it up another 45 lbs next time since it was fairly easy. I usually did rack pulls with 264 lbs.

Failed my 116 lbs OHP this time around, but I think I'll get it next week.

 

[Chocobro]

Just out of curiosity, since deadlift is done usually with 45 lbs plates, isn't the bare minimum for a deadlift like 135 lbs? Or do you have plates that are the size of 45 lbs plates, but weigh less? Or do you use a bar that weighs less?

My university has bumper plates (10s, 25s, 45s)

Spoiler

and a deadlift platform in front of each squat rack

.

 

[ipitydatfu]

True Nutrition is having a little clearance

nabbed myself for some cheap whey.

 

[Brolic Gaoler]

I just want to people to look at me and mistake me for a professional wrestler.

I just want people to look at me and say "holy shit" out of reflex.

Get HOOOOOOOOOGE

 

[Nelo Ice]

I just want to people to look at me and mistake me for a professional wrestler.

I don't even look big but best I've gotten is being asked if I was a football player because I'm always in the squat rack.

On another note looks like my linear progression isn't done just yet since I deloaded again but AMRAP sets went great. Tweaked my bar speed on bench and got 10 reps @ 140 lbs. Feel like I'll be able to continue for at least 1 more month. Either that that sugar free redbull really does help lol.

 

[opticalmace]

So I've gotten the hang of bench presses, deadlifts and squats. Still pretty new though.

A friend suggested I wait a month or two before trying presses or clean and jerks. Sensible?

 

[msdstc]

So my gains have slowed quite a bit as of late, despite eating a ton, I've also gained quite a bit of fat unfortunately. Am I focusing too much on protein? I usually eat about 250 g a day, weigh just about 200.

Tried doing the IF calculator, but was a bit lost in all of it. any advice?

Doing my SS routine still, stuck on 145 incline for the past month, moved up to 165 squat, improving slowly, Shoulder press up to 125, only thing that's improved a ton over the past few weeks is my Deadlift.

 

[abuC]

I just want to people to look at me and mistake me for a professional wrestler.

I've been asked a couple of times if I play football, the feels.


Measured my shoulders, 56.5" hoping to get my waist down to 34 and look like Battletoad.

 

[Visceir]

Doing my SS routine still, stuck on 145 incline for the past month, moved up to 165 squat, improving slowly, Shoulder press up to 125, only thing that's improved a ton over the past few weeks is my Deadlift.

Are you doing incline only?

 

[SquiddyCracker]

So my gains have slowed quite a bit as of late, despite eating a ton, I've also gained quite a bit of fat unfortunately. Am I focusing too much on protein? I usually eat about 250 g a day, weigh just about 200.

Tried doing the IF calculator, but was a bit lost in all of it. any advice?

Doing my SS routine still, stuck on 145 incline for the past month, moved up to 165 squat, improving slowly, Shoulder press up to 125, only thing that's improved a ton over the past few weeks is my Deadlift.

The more you work out, the slower you'll gain muscle mass - that's just biology.

You might be on too great of a calorific surplus if you're gaining more fat than protein, so it might be a good idea to decrease your calorific intake unless you have no issues with a bulk-cut cycle (some people are alright with that, some aren't).

Here's a pretty good t-nation article on bulking that might help you out:

http://www.t-nation.com/free_online_article/sports_body_training_performance/the_truth_about_bulking

If you're gaining more than three pounds per month, you might be adding fat. If you're gaining a lot more than three pounds (like 5-7 per month), reduce the caloric intake.

 

[ohhthegore]

My university has bumper plates (10s, 25s, 45s)

Spoiler

and a deadlift platform in front of each squat rack

.

I LOVE university gyms because of this

 

[Chocobro]

I LOVE university gyms because of this

In addition to that, aren't membership prices pretty cheap (for alumni) compared to that of regular gyms? It's $150/yr at my university. I wish I can stay near my university for that price, but the degree I'm working on requires me to move out of state.


EDIT: What happens when you ended up doing a cluster set for the deadlift (for two sessions and still increased the weight)? I would assume a good choice is to go back to a lower weight to make sure you get honest sets of 5 and continue from there?

 

[J. Bravo]

So I just squatted for the first time in over a month. Boy was that fun. Ended my heavy sets on 240 for 5, and then did 5x10 @ 155.

I took the elevator.

 

[SeanR1221]

Moving this so Sean doesn't miss my response. On that note, I wonder where the "quote" thing went that lets you know when someone quotes you.



Dunno don't care as long as I get stronger and I'm happy. I'd guess around 150-250 protein and 300-600 carbs depending varying up and down those ranges depending on off days/training days.

Possibly more on both ends on training days depending on how much I wanna eat.



My main thing was to experiment to reduce the amount of money I'm spending on whey. So I went to unrestricted carbs and only doing 1 shake a day with 2 servings. I figure if I hit 150+ protein I'm good. Until my strength declines I'll keep doing this, but if I was restricting carbs I'd definitely up the protein.

That's what I figured. Man I gotta stop sweating diet as much as I do. Sometimes I get too stressed out about it.

---

Picked up my Halloween costume tonight. Went with the roman warrior. Time to shield bash some bitches.

 

[blackflag]

So I just squatted for the first time in over a month. Boy was that fun. Ended my heavy sets on 240 for 5, and then did 5x10 @ 155.

I took the elevator.

That's how you know you done good. Last night I had the best leg workout in awhile and walking to the locker room my leg actually collapsed and I almost fell, no pain, it was just done.

 

[blackflag]

That's what I figured. Man I gotta stop sweating diet as much as I do. Sometimes I get too stressed out about it.

---

Picked up my Halloween costume tonight. Went with the roman warrior. Time to shield bash some bitches.

Siiiiiick! I havent even thought about halloween.

 

[Brolic Gaoler]

I'll be going as a Federal Correctional officer for halloween. Only instead of trick or treating with my son I'll be watching rapists, murderers, drug dealers and other similar scum.

Maybe there will be good chow at the OM.

 

[J. Bravo]

That's how you know you done good. Last night I had the best leg workout in awhile and walking to the locker room my leg actually collapsed and I almost fell, no pain, it was just done.

haha yep. Stepping off the curb, my quad almost cramped. Good times.

I'll be going as a Federal Correctional officer for halloween. Only instead of trick or treating I'll be watching rapists, murderers, drug dealers and other similar scum.

Maybe there will be good chow at the OM.

Do you guys do anything special for the inmates on Halloween? Or is it just business as usual?

 

[Brolic Gaoler]

haha yep. Stepping off the curb, my quad almost cramped. Good times.

Do you guys do anything special for the inmates on Halloween? Or is it just business as usual?

Yeah, I go into their cell and take shit they aren't supposed to have! Trick or treat mother fucker! lol

In all seriousness, no, there might be something special at the chow hall for them, but other than that, no.

Typically on religious Holidays and some Fed holidays there's special chow though.

 

[SeanR1221]

Siiiiiick! I havent even thought about halloween.

Go as Shaq. Your gf can be a prop.

I'll be going as a Federal Correctional officer for halloween. Only instead of trick or treating with my son I'll be watching rapists, murderers, drug dealers and other similar scum.

Maybe there will be good chow at the OM.

Ah man that sucks you can't take your boy out :/

 

[Brolic Gaoler]

Go as Shaq. Your gf can be a prop.



Ah man that sucks you can't take your boy out :/

Yeah, not real happy about it, but I gotta earn my time. One of these days I'll get to when I have seniority.

On that note, off to work. Later gets, stay swole.

 

[zychi]

Weird question for you tatted guys. I'm thinking of getting a tat around my thigh, but I'm afraid if I lift(which I will continue to do) that it will "stretch" or become messed up when my legs get bigger/shrink after I stop lifting in many years. Any experience with tats and size increase? My google-fu is lacking finding this info

 

[Schattenjäger]

Has anyone had biceps-shoulder tendinitis ?? I've take a month off from shoulder chest exercises and its still lingering

Any tips ?

 

[Cooter]

Far off topic but unfortunately my 11 year marriage to woman I met when when I was 16 appears to be coming to an end. I have 3 kids at the critical ages of 10, 8, and 3. This is my choice. Absolutely sickening situation. There are a few things that I do well in life but only one that I was born to do and that is be a father. These kids are my life guys. It's very hard. I have to put faith in the belief that being married to someone you know longer LOVE ultimately shouldn't continue. I care about my wife tremendously and do love her. I do, but too many hurtful things have been said and repeated over the years that she ultimately broke me and I stopped caring. I stopped forgiving. I wasn't forgetting. I'm not in love with her anymore. It breaks my heart but it's true.

Anyway, she's a wreck and life is miserable at the moment. Don't expect me to be around much for a while. I'll pop in every now and then though.

 

[Deleted member 47027]

Far off topic but unfortunately my 11 year marriage to woman I met when when I was 16 appears to be coming to an end. I have 3 kids at the critical ages of 10, 8, and 3. This is my choice. Absolutely sickening situation. There a few things that I do well in life but only one that I was born to do and that is be a father. These kids are my life guys. It's very hard. I have to put faith in the belief that being married to someone you know longer LOVE ultimately shouldn't continue. I care about my wife tremendously and do love her. I do, but too many hurtful things have been said and repeated over the years that she ultimately broke me and I stopped caring. I stopped forgiving. I wasn't forgetting. I'm not in love with her anymore. It breaks my heart but it's true.

Anyway, she's a wreck and life is miserable at the moment. Don't expect me to be around much for a while. I'll pop in every now and then though.

Godspeed Cooter. Take care of business. You're in our thoughts.

 

[abuC]

Far off topic but unfortunately my 11 year marriage to woman I met when when I was 16 appears to be coming to an end. I have 3 kids at the critical ages of 10, 8, and 3. This is my choice. Absolutely sickening situation. There are a few things that I do well in life but only one that I was born to do and that is be a father. These kids are my life guys. It's very hard. I have to put faith in the belief that being married to someone you know longer LOVE ultimately shouldn't continue. I care about my wife tremendously and do love her. I do, but too many hurtful things have been said and repeated over the years that she ultimately broke me and I stopped caring. I stopped forgiving. I wasn't forgetting. I'm not in love with her anymore. It breaks my heart but it's true.

Anyway, she's a wreck and life is miserable at the moment. Don't expect me to be around much for a while. I'll pop in every now and then though.

Damn man, that's horrible, keep your head up brother fitgaf has your back.