Time to pop my GAF cherry and I wish it was under better circumstances but my mind is so cloudy, any insight will help.
Last Saturday, my wife and I goto my friend house like we do almost every weekend. My friend has two roommates, both guys. Another friend comes over with his wife who is good friends with my wife. The other wife also brings another girl friend over. Nights consist of videogames, darts, air hockey and drinking and pot smoking. Since we live a half an hour away, I may have a drink but I stay sober. My wife partakes in both.
On this evening, the usual is going on. We watch the UFC fight and having fun. Around 2 am, one of the roommates shows up after being at a bachlor party in a limo. He says that he has it til 3 am if we want to go for a ride. So we all pile in and go for a ride.
We pump the music up and everybody is having a good time. Then my friends wife starts to get crazy with her friend she brought. Flashing everybody and making out with her friend. My friend is loving it and I feel uncomfortable. Then they all want my wife to join the festivities and the part where I hate myself, I froze, I felt the peer pressure and my wife joins in. They do a triple kiss with tounge and pull out there boobs. I then kick my wife gently and ask her to come to me. She comes over and and I say I don't like this and asked if she would please not do it anymore. She agreed and we start kissing and making out.
While were making out, we stop for a sec and look at what's going on and the other wife is giving her husband a blow job two feet infront of me. My wife and are both disgusted. We don't watch and just talk to each other. I felt close to her thought we were both on the same wave length and a mistake was made but we would get throught it.
So the other couple are done, I don't know if the deed was "finished" as it was over pretty quick but the other wife leans backwards over her husband, looks at my wife, and my wife leans in and they tongue kiss again while I'm pinching her saying "nooo". This leads us today, we have barely talked, I have no feelings for her, I'm very angry inside. Its like I forgot how to feel love for her. Everytime I play the event over in my head, I get so angry. I asked her not to do it anymore and she did it anyways. I don't think my so called friends are really my friends. I feel very alone but have no desire to be around people. I'm disgusted in humanity.
I've thought about divorce, thought about forgiving. I know marriage if for better or worse but I can't shake the anger. I know if we split up, I will eventually miss her and be greatly sad about it. But I also think, how can I ever trust her. Its so hard. Any insight?
