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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already
- Thread starter gaiages
- Start date
- Status
1. Nothing, I don't trust people anymore
2. Money, I guess? But it's nothing I would ever brag about in a date.
3. Interesting experiences? Nope.
4. Does being a 4/10 count?
5. Nope, I rarely understand the concept of emotion (connected to #1)
6. great in bed? No idea, haven't had a gf in 10 years.
7. 1 relationship. She cheated. Great experience!
8. I'm the unfunniest person on earth - that's what everyone tells me.
Guess I'll stay single for the rest of my life, won't I?
Pregnant chicks are horny.
Well you can either bother to make some changes to that mopey, negative attitude, or yes, probably be single/in unfulfilling relationships for the rest of your life.
A relationship isn't meant to fix you.
Huzzah a non-regular read the OP, or at least a paragraph or two
hm. girl im seeing (over a month now, meeting numerous times each week) told me a while back after an initial set of dates filled with sex that she wanted to take things slow and saw me as "more of a friend", also mentioning she felt sad each time she had to leave me. she then mentioned that again after we met a few times more (without any kissing or anything on these occasions)
then on friday she came round mine, pretty much made out together on the sofa for the whole night, ended up back to the point we were at the start (without the sex). After that she basically invited herself round mine to stay over tomorrow night. and considering how last time went, and the fact we're sharing a bed we're clearly gonna sleep together again
fucking mixed messages man. not sure where I stand. we shall see
then on friday she came round mine, pretty much made out together on the sofa for the whole night, ended up back to the point we were at the start (without the sex). After that she basically invited herself round mine to stay over tomorrow night. and considering how last time went, and the fact we're sharing a bed we're clearly gonna sleep together again
fucking mixed messages man. not sure where I stand. we shall see
Great. Makes me want to delete my remaining two apps even more.
So today I did something I guess hahaha fucking social anxiety is a bitch, so I talked to a girl in the gym I thought was cute and asked her a random stuff and her name, I know is not a big deal but fuck it was a achievement for me
One day I'll join you in the sun lol.
Interesting experiences don't make themselves. You have to get out there and make/experience them.
We all have different life circumstances, some worse than others. But a negative attitude only affects you and the others around you negatively, it won't bring any positive change to your life.
So today I did something I guess hahaha fucking social anxiety is a bitch, so I talked to a girl in the gym I thought was cute and asked her a random stuff and her name, I know is not a big deal but fuck it was a achievement for me
No need to downplay this. You did good.
A week.
Date was supposed to be this Saturday, and I offered to pick her up but she said she lives with her parents and doesn't want them in her business. And apparently, they're super nosey. So she insisted we meet up somewhere instead. I mean we could go back to my place, but I think she wants more than just some dick. I'm not even sure what to think after she just dropped that she was pregnant. I asked her if she had a FB or Instagram, and that's what got her to drop that on me. I would've been pretty upset if I met up with her and found out that way. Like wtf?
She's looking for a sugar daddy. It goes without saying, but just block her and move on. Way too much potential drama there. Her parents are nosy because she's six months pregnant and still living with them (probably because she isn't working) and thinks going on dating sites is a good use of her time.
She seems really clingy already.
And yeah, she "works from home." She conveniently just passed her exams to be an "iTunes store advisor."
Welp. Time to cancel. Think I'll be deleting all my dating apps for now. Everytime I'm about to get around to it a cute attractive girl pops up lol.
Depends on your area.
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
I'm hesitant to join this thread, since I'm separated but not divorced yet.
Anyone have much experience with that sort of thing?
Anyone have much experience with that sort of thing?
Ron Mexico
Member
Not a regular in the dating threads, but this I definitely do. Feel free to ask away.
Edit to add: quick version of the story-- separated a few years ago and was caught in the place it sounds like you might be. Felt compelled to honor the commitment like somehow even though we were definitely through, I had still made that pledge, etc etc. Started seeing an old co-worker (actually an old boss from an old college job) and was in this strange place where I wasn't sure how far to take things. Ultimately I held off until we were officially divorced, but on the day I had the decree in hand, I thought to myself "I waited for this?" In hindsight, I wouldn't have made such a big deal about it, but I also wouldn't have known how it felt until the divorce was final.
Sounds like she might be wanting something more casual. Friend with benefits type situation maybe. I'd take her at her word and just assume she wasn't interested in anything more than just sex unless she indicates otherwise.
Or she's trying to gauge how much you're into her by saying take things slow.
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
When is the right time to let a girl know about the separation? How do I go about explaining it?
I feel like I've been single for years in a relationship devoid of love and affection/sex from my spouse, she then has an affair and we decide to divorce. I'm past the hurt and anger, and I'm now seeking some companionship and "let's just see where this goes" kind of encounters.
I don't list myself as separated on any sites/apps, and I make sure there aren't any photos of me with my ring visible, but it's because I'd at least like someone to know who/what I am before they make a huge sweeping judgement about me as a whole based off of just one thing.
I'm just kind of lost as to how to navigate the dating world after a 6 year break from it, and now it's even harder because to a lot of people being a divorcee is an immediate deal breaker.
I've never been married so you might want to rely on the opinions of posters who have been, but I would say you don't need to bring it up like it's some huge deal. At a certain point in any relationship you end up talking about previous relationships and exes. Mention it then.
Your situation is a lot more common than you think. I'm not sure how old you are but there are plenty of divorced people in their late 20s and that number only increases as you get older.
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
Oh right, I should probably give a rundown of the stats in case anyone asks before responding:
I'm 31
Been married since Nov 2013
Dated since July 2010
Affair happened in May and lasted until mid July when I found out.
We're 'separated' but she still stays in the guest room a few nights a week depending on her work schedule.
We have no kids, and 2 cats.
We bought a house in Jan 2015 that we owe more on than we would get by selling it.
We've been advised to figure out the house situation before filling the divorce.
We don't hate each other and are trying to keep things civil.
I don't really see how being divorced is a deal breaker, unless you're trying to date very religious people. Before I was dating my wife, I would say at least half of the people I met in my age bracket (early - mid 30s) were either divorced or coming out of long term relationships. I don't think it's a big deal unless you have a psycho ex who's stalking you (happened to me) or you're still trying to get over your ex.
EDIT: Her still living in the house would be the bigger issue. But I would say to be honest about it. Don't lead with it in your dating profile, but if your date asks, just be truthful about the situation. I would say to either maybe take the financial hit or figure out a way to rent it out and you both find your own places. You might be cool with her now, but I don't think the living situation will work long-term, especially if you both are trying to move on.
EDIT: Her still living in the house would be the bigger issue. But I would say to be honest about it. Don't lead with it in your dating profile, but if your date asks, just be truthful about the situation. I would say to either maybe take the financial hit or figure out a way to rent it out and you both find your own places. You might be cool with her now, but I don't think the living situation will work long-term, especially if you both are trying to move on.
Ron Mexico
Member
So again, this is just one opinion, but here goes--
I didn't list myself as separated on any platform. Mentioned above that I quasi-dated an old co-worker but like you, I also wanted to dip my toes into the water of just seeing what was out there. I did freely change it once the divorce was final. I wasn't ashamed of it and if I had to do it all again to get to today, sign me up.
As for when to bring it up, I just let the conversation flow. If the topic of past relationships came up, I wouldn't hide behind it, just said basically it is what it is. In practice, the old co-worker was right away. Dated a couple others where it may have been the 2nd or 3rd date. I never really felt like there was a stigma attached to it-- we tried and it just didn't work out. If someone is going to make a sweeping judgement based on that, well, there's other fish in the sea.
Later met another divorcee online just about 2 years or so ago now. Both were upfront and honest about our past histories and found a mutual respect there. We didn't really have a honeymoon period-- like somehow we just kind of fit together and it's like we were already together for years.
So short story long, if your divorce is a deal breaker to some, their loss. You've earned another chance after leaving a loveless, affection-less marriage. You can do better than someone who would immediately disqualify you based on a piece of paper.
The guest room part is going to be the biggest thing here. Personally, I would do whatever I needed to in order to change that part. My ex-wife and I probably should have separated months before we did-- we were sleeping in different rooms, etc etc. but yeah, living in that scenario was worse than the actual moving day.
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
The plan is for her to refinance the house in her name (I don't want it, as I'm contract now and may have to move for work someday) but she just started a new job and doesn't quite have the income requirement.
Our mortgage agreement prohibits us from renting the place out until it's paid off, so that option is out.
I agree that this isn't going to work long term. She tried to get her parents to help co sign a loan but they turned her down since they are having some money issues. Neither of us can afford to be 20k in the hole by selling the house and a foreclosure could fuck us pretty badly financially and credit wise.
I could afford to take the house but just barely, and I won't have room to save any money- plus work means I can't stay in one place too long. Just don't want to get stuck with a house I can't sell.
Our mortgage agreement prohibits us from renting the place out until it's paid off, so that option is out.
I agree that this isn't going to work long term. She tried to get her parents to help co sign a loan but they turned her down since they are having some money issues. Neither of us can afford to be 20k in the hole by selling the house and a foreclosure could fuck us pretty badly financially and credit wise.
I could afford to take the house but just barely, and I won't have room to save any money- plus work means I can't stay in one place too long. Just don't want to get stuck with a house I can't sell.
ErrorMacro
Member
I added two new pics (where I look pretty bad, but are funny), plus a pic of my cat, and a new funny+weird profile to Tinder, and suddenly I get a huge ammount of matches in a short ammount of time, all of them from pretty girls, and some even waaaaaay out of my league. What the fuck lol.
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
If it was the cat I would be swimming in matches, but I'm not lol.
Some probably just need to get that "he's easy going and fun" vibes from pics, and it sounds like you delivered.
Ron Mexico
Member
I'd be curious to see the stipulations in the mortgage agreement. Doesn't sound like a common clause. That said, whether you want tenants is another question altogether.
There is also the short sale option-- it'll hurt but not as badly as a foreclosure will. With there being only a 20k gap, I imagine the lender would at least be somewhat willing to play ball.
I dragged my feet on the stage where you are. Maybe I was being too generous. Maybe I wanted to feel like I was maintaining the high ground. Maybe I was just an ass. Regardless, when I finally said enough was enough, it was amazing how fast she found alternate arrangements.
Back to the dating part-- you definitely sound like you're thinking pragmatically about your financial picture. Take the same approach to your dating picture and you'll be fine.
well at least you didn't invest too much time into it and she told you before you got attached. sucks though, seems like there's always some catch with the good ones.
Commanche Raisin Toast
Member
I'll look into it. I appreciate the advice!
So far online dating hasn't been working out at all, but I'm planning on trying to go to some events on Meetup as well as hang out at some gaming-focused pubs in the city to mingle and be around like minded folks.
I'll be checking the thread on and off in case anyone else in a similar situation has anything to add.
Fucks you and still wants to be friends?
What the hell? I really don't get dating now.
Friends when benefits is overrated imo, the connection just doesn't last for me. From the jump I'd start looking for more with someone else, and when I did I'd drop them. They'd probably do the same anyway, so it's best not to get feelings involved in that situation...
ZackieChan
Member
Wtf is that
hydrophilic attack
Member
So I went to the work party with the Russian girl who is here temporarily and we were all getting a bit too drunk. A group was supposed to go out afterwards, and I had a good vibe that she would have gone home with me, but my other coworker who was even more drunk got creepy with her and embarrassing (puking on the train) and scared her away. And he already has a pregnant girlfriend. Nice cockblocking, "friend"
Oh well, the rest of us tried to go out, but everywhere wae closed, so it's just as well she didn't come with us. I should ask her out instead
Edit: At least the really cute (male) bus driver gave me a gorgeous smile as I boarded the bus, so I guess the night wasn't a total waste
Oh well, the rest of us tried to go out, but everywhere wae closed, so it's just as well she didn't come with us. I should ask her out instead
Edit: At least the really cute (male) bus driver gave me a gorgeous smile as I boarded the bus, so I guess the night wasn't a total waste
Bail. I was half-kidding. Just bail.
I just got deleted from someone's life and it feels like absolute shit.
Pretty much a continuation of one relationship I had with a girl that I mentioned, I got told a few things that I didn't know about/she didn't even care to talk to me about.
I mentioned her a few posts back. One of my friends told me that she just moved to Hawaii. She didn't even bother telling. She has all of my contact info, so it's not like she forgot or anything.
It sucks so much to see this happen.
And I wanted to date her, especially since she broke up with her boyfriend apparently during the summer.
I was basically over her and moved on to different relationships, but it just stings.
Pretty much a continuation of one relationship I had with a girl that I mentioned, I got told a few things that I didn't know about/she didn't even care to talk to me about.
I mentioned her a few posts back. One of my friends told me that she just moved to Hawaii. She didn't even bother telling. She has all of my contact info, so it's not like she forgot or anything.
It sucks so much to see this happen.
And I wanted to date her, especially since she broke up with her boyfriend apparently during the summer.
I was basically over her and moved on to different relationships, but it just stings.
ZackieChan
Member
You weren't even dating?
No, we weren't, but you mentioned that I should stay away from dating friends, etc. She was a really good friend to me, and I really wanted to date her for a while, but along the way, she just went completely cold, especially over the past few weeks before leaving.
Talking to her was like tiptoeing around trip wire.
I'm just annoyed partially.
Not much I can really do about it. Just going to move on and look elsewhere.
Hi Dating GAF.
Looking for some thoughts from you all:
Been dating a girl now for about 2.5 months. We went pretty serious pretty quick. We basically live together now (She spends every night at my place). We love eachother, but we might have to break up.
She is in the state/city studying for her new job. She will likely have to move to another state in November. I've known this from the beginning. But now the process for her deciding/finding out where she can go has started. She wants to know if I would go with her.
I've lived in this city for about a year and a half, and I really don't want to leave. I'm still relatively close to my family here (Who aren't in good health), and I have a job I really like, after long periods of joblessness where I used to live. I'm scared to move. Especially for a relationship that's only a few months old. I'm thinking I'll suggest a few places I'd consider moving to. Look at the job market etc, but not move WITH her, perhaps at a later point once I can secure a job. But I'm not sure I want to leave at all!
What would you do?
Looking for some thoughts from you all:
Been dating a girl now for about 2.5 months. We went pretty serious pretty quick. We basically live together now (She spends every night at my place). We love eachother, but we might have to break up.
She is in the state/city studying for her new job. She will likely have to move to another state in November. I've known this from the beginning. But now the process for her deciding/finding out where she can go has started. She wants to know if I would go with her.
I've lived in this city for about a year and a half, and I really don't want to leave. I'm still relatively close to my family here (Who aren't in good health), and I have a job I really like, after long periods of joblessness where I used to live. I'm scared to move. Especially for a relationship that's only a few months old. I'm thinking I'll suggest a few places I'd consider moving to. Look at the job market etc, but not move WITH her, perhaps at a later point once I can secure a job. But I'm not sure I want to leave at all!
What would you do?
This is definitely something you have to discuss with her, I don't really think we can give any sort of advice here, it depends on the two of you.
Most will say not to change your life around for an SO of only 2 months, but provided you have a clear back up plan if things go south, you will probably be fine.
Just have a long, serious talk with her about it, consider your options, and if you have to... cut it off. There are always other fish in the sea.
Just moving in with someone after a couple of months is too much too fast - there is a BIG difference between them staying every night and actually living together and sharing bills, chores, etc - and there is no way I would move away to somewhere where you have no job or family to live with someone after a couple of months. She is expecting you to totally change your life and TBH that comes off as kind of selfish to me.
Well she stayed round last night. And yeah we had sex pretty much all night.
I did ask her if I can consider us to be boyfriend/girlfriend and she said "I don't know". I asked if we can consider it dating and she said yes. She also admitted she hasn't told any of her friends or family yet as she wants to feel certain it is a sure thing that will last before doing so.
I think she's just being extremely apprehensive. We are going out again on Saturday...so yeah. So far it's been a bit damn confusing tbh
My thoughts exactly.
Tbh, the possibly made up job scares me as much as the lastt minute "oh yeah I'm pregnant, k thnx."
It's a really ridiculous thing to do.
Gotdatmoney
Member
There are tons of posters here that can give you better advice than me. But my take on it is; if you're gonna catch feelings then bail. If the sex is good and you like it, then stay. But treat it as nothing more. If you're confused, then that shows uncertainty. Tell her how you feel and what you want if you haven't already.
Alright so dating GAF, things are starting to really get good with my girl. She texted me a couple of days ago with more confusing things.... She said "I know we're only dating each other, but does this mean we can't talk to other people". I get this and I'm instantly like, well here we go again. I texted her back and said, "It's kind of obvious to me, I don't know where this question is coming from. Talking/flirting to others with romantic intentions pretty much goes against what we talked about last week.... but I'm not going to back you into a corner". She then explained that a guy she went out with last month had texted her and that she just felt bad responding back to him, and that she needed to completely know where I stood which lead to the relationship talk. Ever since, she's just been super open with her feelings. Super excited to spend the weekend with her.
If you're considered to be dating, just roll with that. What you do need to do is clarify if she's going out on dates with others. If she is, there's no reason to be her bitch.... I'd go out on your own dates. I would try to get a commitment to just see each other before you start making any other definitions, boyfriend/girlfriend, etc.
Clay Davis
Member
Hello hello dating gaf!
I did it! I went in and today she was working in the bakery section, so I went over to say hello and we started to talk about the heatwave and what we were both doing over the weekend, she's going to a wedding so I jokingly asked if she needed a plus one because I'd love to have some free food which seemed to hit the mark as she laughed more than I thought she would. We talked a little more and towards the end I asked her if she's like to exchange numbers and maybe get a drink and she almost immediately said yes!
She took my phone, added her number and called herself to get mine. I'm still in a bit of shock, it wasn't nearly as difficult as I'd worked myself into thinking it would be.
Feeling pretty great, now I just have to make sure I don't overthink before the date. I haven't messaged her yet and I don't think I will today. I was thinking about sending a good morning message tomorrow and wishing her a good time at the wedding.
I did it! I went in and today she was working in the bakery section, so I went over to say hello and we started to talk about the heatwave and what we were both doing over the weekend, she's going to a wedding so I jokingly asked if she needed a plus one because I'd love to have some free food which seemed to hit the mark as she laughed more than I thought she would. We talked a little more and towards the end I asked her if she's like to exchange numbers and maybe get a drink and she almost immediately said yes!
She took my phone, added her number and called herself to get mine. I'm still in a bit of shock, it wasn't nearly as difficult as I'd worked myself into thinking it would be.
Feeling pretty great, now I just have to make sure I don't overthink before the date. I haven't messaged her yet and I don't think I will today. I was thinking about sending a good morning message tomorrow and wishing her a good time at the wedding.
Did you set up specifics for the date when you talked to her? If so, just chill until the date, maybe send something like "looking forward to tonight" the day of just to confirm it's still on. You don't want to text too much before the date. She's probably going to be pretty busy with the wedding anyway.
I, uh, think he's confused because she's being confusing, not confused about his own feelings. I'd say just let her work her stuff out, but not get over invested or wait for her. It might still lead to something, but *her* uncertainty makes it so that he shouldn't get his hopes up.
Clay Davis
Member
I didn't. I know I probably should have, but I was excited that she wanted to exchange numbers. I'll message her good luck with the wedding tomorrow morning and then another on Monday to set up date specifics.
I'm determined not to fall into the overtexting trap again,
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