It's easy to win a debate against a vague 'they', you can just assign them all these opinions and make it seem like it's a sexism thing out of thin air.
I didn't give a shit about the Mance Rayder storyline, so I can't talk about that, but every other 'example' you gave is of a villain doing something villainous. People, including me, enjoy villains doing bad stuff because it's entertaining, including when they are women.
It isn't too hard to understand that the issue I've got is with how Dany is presented as a hero within the show, and yet her motivation is too selfish and her actions too aggressive for me to think she's heroic? If she wasn't The Biggest Fucking Deal, it wouldn't bother me, I just don't like the show telling me to cheer her on when I don't think she deserves it.
Basically, there's been a dissonance this season for me. I am seeing hints they might actually intend this, and be planning to change how Dany is seen in the show, so my problem isn't really even a problem, and I am realising now that I'm basically just arguing with her fans, which is pointless...