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[Willco]

Dear Microsoft,
This is the amazing story of how I helped you topple Nintendo and at the same time, learn to hate your souless corporation.

I purchased my first Xbox sometime after launch because I was too busy with my GameCube at the time, but definitely needed my fix of Halo, so I buckled down and bought the damn system.

It was all good at the time.

Then...

Fast forward to last January. My Xbox decides that it doesn't want to read discs conveniently during third down plays or when I am about to beat a level. Fuck you console. So I call that damn FiXbox line or whatever the hell they call it.

"Hey dude, we're so cool and XTREM3 that we'll fix your console for like $100 plus shipping!"

"Wow, really!?! You guys are so awesome! Are you guys going to fuck me in the ass over the telephone as well? Gee, thanks!"

Fuck that. So I bought a new Xbox in late February (methinks). Xbox North American sales +1.

Fast forward to last month. It just up and died. Seriously. I'm playing MVP Baseball one night. Turn the system off and go to bed. Wake up the next morning. Press power. No video. And then the Xbox decides to not eject my disc. Bullshit!

So I call the line, wondering if I was still covered by warranty since it had only been a few months and - BY ZEUS' BEARD! - I had luckily escaped the warranty by a few days! Wow!

"Would you like us to fix it for $100 plus shipping?"

"Not unless the next Xbox I get gives me oral, you asshats. [click]"

At this point, I'm fucking frustrated. Football season is around the corner and I want Madden, but the HELL if I'm going to buy another fucking console. Then someone in #ga told me EB offered $30 store credit for bunk Xboxen and I decided that that was a fair concession.

So I purchased another Xbox last week. North American Xbox sales +1. Again.

Now I haven't even touched the goddam unit until last night. I pop in Madden and I'm enjoying what is quite possible the greatest football game ever made until...

"SOMETHING IS WRONG WITH YOUR DISC DUDE YOU'RE FUCKED FRANCHISE SAVE OVER!"

No it did not! Motherfuckin' piece of shit console. I popped in Halo and had a similar problem after a couple of minutes. And the problem repeated with Madden throughout the day.

THANK GOD I bought a warranty through EB this time, but I wonder if that'll chalk up another Xbox unit sold to [some guy not named Will Federman]. I like those numbers. For every one GameCube I buy, I buy FOUR Xboxen.

So Microsoft, your console sucks. Your repair service blows. It's the worst I've ever seen and I've owned a lot of consoles. I've never had to replace a Nintendo console and I've done some wicked shit to those machines. I've had to repair Sony consoles, but it didn't make sense for me to buy a complete new console altogether instead of having them just repair it.

I've had two Sega consoles, each were no problem and one of them (a Dreamcast) got left outside in a storm. I fucking practically spoil the Xbox, going so far as to making it so it has its own little space that's dust free and easily ventilated because my friends' problems are well documented. My best friend is buying a new one to replace his dud next week.

Quite frankly, your service sucks so much that it makes me want to get three friends and some aluminum baseball bats and march up to Redmond. And play baseball in your parking lot until security yells at us to go away but we will shout obscenities and probably get arrested.

Damn you, Xbox. Damn you.

Sincerely,
Anonymous Internet Poster #569679

p.s. halo 2 rawks dont suspend my xbox live account

 

[Espio]

Really wish you didnt delete the photo BuddyChrist took of me kissing you.

 

[Willco]

Really wish you didnt delete the photo BuddyChrist took of me kissing you.

Our gay escapades are not for the faint of heart. And also NEVER HAPPENED.

 

[deadhorse32]

I M THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND

BUY A XBOX

MY TAG IS QUEENYINLOVE2312

I LOVE TO TALK DIRTY ON LIVE

I LL BUY YOU PLENTY OF XBOX AND MADDEN WITH THE MONEY I DIDN T GIVE TO LADY DI

ORAL SEX IS GOOD

 

[Travado]

Buy a PlayStation 2! Oh wait...

 

[Joe]

mine was manufactured in december 2001 and i never had a problem.

 

[Willco]

mine was manufactured in december 2001 and i never had a problem.

Whatever. PLANT.

I am convinced that anyone who says they've never had a problem with their Xbox or any similar replies in this thread is lying, a plant or has never turned their Xbox on more than twice.

 

[SyNapSe]

mine was manufactured in december 2001 and i never had a problem.

Hmm, yeah I have a launch unit and have been fine so far. I freaked out when Morrowind screwed up on me, but it turns out that was a practical joke by Bethesda or something.

4 xboxen, man that stinks.

edit: I'm lying.

 

[Kobun Heat]

My Xbox has never worked properly. DDEs are my constant companion.

 

[Cubsfan23]

The very first time i fired up my xbox on launch, i got a dirty disc error. Haven't had one since.......

 

[BuddyC]

MS has some of the best worst customer service I've ever seen. On the phone they were nice and tried to be helpful, but when I sent my Xbox in, it was a whole new world.

BuddyC: "Yea, my Xbox keeps giving me dirty disc errors and some in-game cinematics are really choppy, but they're fine on another Xbox with the same disc. I have a warranty. Could you replace the DVD drive?"

MS: "Sure!"

BuddyC: "You're not going to delete my saved game data, are ya?"

MS: "Not unless we have to, but, seeing as it's the DVD drive giving you problems, there shouldn't be an issue."

*one week later*

Goatfucking MS Tech: "His DVD drive is fucked? Right-o, let's format his hard drive then chaps!"

*two days later*

BuddyC: "Yea, I called you guys about a week and a half ago. My Xbox was giving me dirty disc messages, and I asked you to replace the DVD drive. I got it back today, with the same DVD drive and a formatted hard drive. I'm still getting dirty disc messages. What the hell?"

MS: "Oh, we're sorry, blah blah, we'll send you a box so you can send it to us free of charge..."

*box arrives, complete with sheet asking for detailed description of problem*

BuddyC writes: "Receiving dirty disc errors across numerous games. DVD DRIVE NEEDS TO BE REPLACED."

*one week later*

MS Tech: "Hahaha, I win! YES! Here's your DVD drive, queer."

I wouldn't have been half as upset if, you know, I could have backed up my KOTOR, DOA, PSO or Steel Battalion data. But no, that's impossible without modding or messing around with flash cards. This all went down the same week as the Paris Hilton shit.

 

[IJoel]

My xbox (launch unit) works fine most of the times, though it can get cranky with some games.

My PS2 has a really hard time reading CD-ROMs.

My GCN hasn't really given me any problems, save for a few locks here and there, and I attribute that to the games. Though it must be mentioned that I don't use it nearly as much as my PS2/Xbox (not a diss, but it must be mentioned, as these issues usually come up with much use of the consoles.)

 

[JoshuaJSlone]

I've never had problems with my Xbox. However, that's a vacuous statement. I could as well say I've never had any problems with my trophy wife and helicopter.

 

[funcojoe]

I have never had a problem with any console ever, I have a launch PS2 that works fine, and a launch Xbox that works fine.

 

[CrimsonSkies]

Launch Xbox had to have to the DVD Drive Replaced.

The 2nd Xbox (Halo Special edition) I bought is much better than the launch system. Quiter and doesn't run as hot.

 

[distantmantra]

I have a launch unit with a temperamental disc drive. It has no problem with Ninja Gaiden, Beyond Good and Evil, and Prince of Persia, but refuses to load up Buffy: Chaos Bleeds (which I purchased LAST AUGUST) and Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (hey, its not bad, and my girlfriend will actually play it with me). My aunt has offered to swap Xboxes with me, as she only uses her brand new one to play Tetris Worlds. Only problem is that I'll lose all my game saves (KOTOR, Halo, Soul Calibur II, Shenmue II, etc.).

 

[Spike]

I replaced my launch Xbox in March. At that point I had played to completion KotoR, Halo, Crimson Skies, and I had just purchased Ninja Gaiden. Bam! DDE's on everything except DVD playback. I took it to my local EB, where the manager sold me just the extended service plan, and switched it for a new Samsung unit. I've done this with my launch PS2 and GCN, but not because they refused to work. I wanted the new model PS2, and I wanted a Platinum GCN. My EB was more than willing to sell me the esa and give me new units.

 

[BuddyC]

Really wish you didnt delete the photo BuddyChrist took of me kissing you.

You and me both. Oh well...

how are things going? I haven't talked to you in a while, and things are only looking get crazier this week.

 

[----]

"I helped you topple Nintendo and at the same time, learn to hate your souless corporation."
...
"I purchased my first Xbox sometime after launch because I was too busy with my GameCube at the time"
...
"For every one GameCube I buy, I buy FOUR Xboxen. So Microsoft, your console sucks."
...
"I've never had to replace a Nintendo console and I've done some wicked shit to those machines."
...
"Quite frankly, your service sucks so much that it makes me want to get three friends and some aluminum baseball bats and march up to Redmond."

Not funny.



We know you're a big Nintendo fan upset with Microsoft, but was it really necessary for you to make this video?

 

[AtomicShroom]

I would like to second your open letter. I've had to send my Xbox in twice to get it fixed. Stupid Thomson drive....

 

[ArcadeStickMonk]

My current XBOX is about two years old now, replaced once when the original froze on Halo and never booted again.

I'm on my 6th PS2 (I think), so I really feel that system has lower manufacturing quality.

I concede one point to you, though, I'm on my first Gamecube, purchased slightly used in Dec '01

Sorry to hear about your bad luck, or whatever you want to chalk it up to. If I lost my DOAXVB save, I don't know what I'd do.

 

[Daxter Too]

Got mine at launch, never had an issue. I have had 3 PS2's.

 

[dark10x]

Whatever. PLANT.

I am convinced that anyone who says they've never had a problem with their Xbox or any similar replies in this thread is lying, a plant or has never turned their Xbox on more than twice.

My XBOX has been used VERY hard. While I did put a lot of time into it, my sibling put in hundreds and hundreds of hours into XBOX Morrowind...

It has been working great since E3 2002 (first price drop). On the flipside, I am on my 4th PS2 right now...though to be fair, my third one was perfect when I traded for the newer model.

 

[Ristamar]

Does anyone have a link to that video of the kids beating the shit out of a Gamecube, dragging it behind a car, and then realizing it still works?

 

[Daxter Too]

My XBOX has been used VERY hard. While I did put a lot of time into it, my sibling put in hundreds and hundreds of hours into XBOX Morrowind...

It has been working great since E3 2002 (first price drop). On the flipside, I am on my 4th PS2 right now...though to be fair, my third one was perfect when I traded for the newer model.

PLANT! MS is EVERYWHERE!!

 

[dark10x]

Oh, and my Gamecube was USED when I bought it (for a low price) back in August 2002. It hasn't seen a single problem and has even come on vacation with me.

 

[Fatghost]

I bought my Xbox brand new in January 2004. It had a thomson drive and was dead 3 months and 3 weeks later. I called MS, and they wanted me to pay 100 dollars plus shipping to fix the fucking thing because it was out of warranty.

I raised some shit and the best they offered was to lower the price to 80. Fuck that. I've been collecting systems for over 20 years, and no system has ever given me as much trouble in a short period of time as my Xbox. It's a great system but it's built like a piece of shit.

MS needs to improve their customer service on this end, because Nintendo and Sony do it much better.

Edit: I have had three PS1s and have three PS2s. I had some issues with my original Playstation, but the three PS2s (launch Japanese, 39xxx US model modded, and 50001 model) have all worked flawlessly.

 

[belgurdo]

I've had my Box for about three years and barring DDE errors with Serious Sam it's never given me problems. On the other hand, in that same amount of time I'm on my third PS2.

 

[Willco]

I think my main problem is their customer service moreso than the system. Like I stated earlier, I've had to repair Sony systems, but they didn't charge me out the ass as so I was forced to buy a new system altogether.

 

[SKluck]

Yeah XBOX dvdroms are such pieces of shit. The other day I was watching die hard 2. I pause it to go take a piss, come back, unpause... still frozen.... wait 5 minutes... still frozen. I can hear the drive spinning like a mofo so I know something is up. Restart...

Dirty disc error. Aw, how kind. I basically had to sit there for 10 minutes, opening and closing the drive continously and after maybe the 20th or 30th time, it played again.

How does a disc get dirty WHILE INSIDE THE DVD DRIVE?

Fucking MS.

 

[Kobun Heat]

I think my main problem is their customer service moreso than the system. Like I stated earlier, I've had to repair Sony systems, but they didn't charge me out the ass as so I was forced to buy a new system altogether.

Exactly. A couple of my friends had problems with their Gamecubes and they weren't under warranty. So they called Nintendo's customer service, who dispatched Fed Ex to their door the next day to pick up the GC and fix it free of charge.

Also, doesn't MS have a seperate company handle customer service? Good thing they try to save money in SOME places, I guess.

 

[drohne]

besides the morrowind "dirty disc errors," which are actually "qa testers? what are those?" errors, i haven't had any problems with my xbox. i've had lots of trouble with saturns, playstations, dreamcasts, and playstation 2's though. could be because i actually play those consoles regularly. but that's just a theory.

edit: and i should note that, where applicable, sega and sony have always fixed my consoles free of charge, even when they were out of warrantee. some of them were modded/imported, and obviously in those cases i was screwed.

 

[Ranger X]

Thank you guys in helping me not to buy an Xbox. My PS2 and GC works perfect fine and if i would have compiled stats about "problems with Xbox vs Ps2 vs GC", i'm sure the Xbox would be the highest rank.
I don't know why this console is having so much problems. Very deceiving i guess... and it makes me think even more of buying a PS3 instead of an Xbox2.

I can bet anything that Microsoft don't actually give a shit: They loose cash with the price of the Xbox? --- they recover with their pimp100$ service. (perfect world)

 

[RevenantKioku]

On my second PS2, two working Gamecubes (don't ask why I have an import cube and not an import ps2) and on my fourth XBox. Granted my second one was fine, but I sold it to my brother. I think he's had a few DRE's since.
The thing is, I don't use my fucking Xbox, and it breaks down. Fourth one's holdin' up okay, but I really hardly ever use it. Just got 5 games from xbox.com/retail, so I'll actually use it tonight.
This is also funnily enough, my fourth copy of Halo.
Question though - Did they modify later releases? I don't recall Chief talking before. Or Cortana talking to you while you're running around the ship.
Whatever. Maybe I'll enjoy it this time.

 

[Willco]

Exactly. A couple of my friends had problems with their Gamecubes and they weren't under warranty. So they called Nintendo's customer service, who dispatched Fed Ex to their door the next day to pick up the GC and fix it free of charge.

Also, doesn't MS have a seperate company handle customer service? Good thing they try to save money in SOME places, I guess.

Nintendo's repair servide is top notch. My friend's Cube had one problem not under warranty. He paid $25, they picked up the GameCube and fixed it.

Microsoft wants me to pay $100 for a refurb and then also pay to ship it? Fuck them.

 

[Fatghost]

Yeah, MS' customer service is shit compared to SCEA.

Quick story:

I live in Canada. I needed the AV Adapter to use the GunCon2 with my TV (with component inputs). It's not a common part, in fact, no stores in Canada get this part in normal shipments and distributors don't usually stock it. The local game stores had heard of this part, but never actually seen it. Sony's parts warehouse in the US carries this part but under no circumstances will ever ship it to Canada. Sony of Canada refused to even deal with me. Long story short, when I called SCEA to tell them that I needed this part but wasn't being serviced by the other divisions of Sony, sent me the part free.

 

[segasonic]

 

[belgurdo]

Thank you guys in helping me not to buy an Xbox. My PS2 and GC works perfect fine and if i would have compiled stats about "problems with Xbox vs Ps2 vs GC", i'm sure the Xbox would be the highest rank.
I don't know why this console is having so much problems. Very deceiving i guess... and it makes me think even more of buying a PS3 instead of an Xbox2.

I can bet anything that Microsoft don't actually give a shit: They loose cash with the price of the Xbox? --- they recover with their pimp100$ service. (perfect world)

Don't know where you've been, but I've heard more horror stories about PS2s frying mere months after purchase than I ever heard of Xbox DDE problems (early reports of demo units dying early because they weren't properly cooled notwithstanding.) Besides, it's not like the bloody thing is going to not work when you first plug it in or something

 

[Willco]

Yeah, Sony is also a billion times better than Microsoft. If Microsoft really wants to put up Sony numbers next generation, they'll need to fucking clean their shit up because after enough units have problems, people will just bitch about their shoddy customer service.

EDIT: I do recognize people have a lot of problems with Sony units, but - hell! - they were fixing PS2 units free of charge not too long ago. Again, they don't fuck you up the ass like Microsoft.

 

[B E N K E]

Funnily enough when it comes to repairs it's the opposite in Europe. MS rocks compared to the rest, they even repaired a friend of mines American Xbox and paid for postage.

 

[Alex]

Sony rocks, but their consoles are built like shit. PS1 and PS2's both had massive ammounts of problems that struck me and my friends across both. But at least with PS2's case, if you bitched at them, they'd give you a free one.

Nintendo is fun to pick on, but honestly, they make great hardware. No issues with any Nintendo products ever. And I've had: Original GB, NES, SNES (although the shell turned a dingy color, very freaky), GBC, VB ($10 close out at Target I think, years ago, lemme alone) N64, GBA, GC, GBA:SP, etc.

My Xbox thankfully hasn't given me any issues. But I'm sure that now that my extended warranty is gone, it'll die the day Halo 2 comes out.

 

[Ranger X]

Don't know where you've been, but I've heard more horror stories about PS2s frying mere months after purchase than I ever heard of Xbox DDE problems (early reports of demo units dying early because they weren't properly cooled notwithstanding.) Besides, it's not like the bloody thing is going to not work when you first plug it in or something

I heard people having problems with some launch batch memory cards and the console itself in it's first year. After that everything is looking fine.
It's been since the launch of the Xbox until now that frequently hear, read AND witness shit (all kinds) with Xbox.

The consoles of the present gen are the weakest ever so far. I hope it will never get worse... Only the Gamecube is "normal quality" (or should we say now "good").
The Xbox is the worse of the 3 for sure.

 

[pj]

Maybe someone should bring a class action lawsuit against MS and thomson for knowingly and continually selling xboxs with defective dvd drives. They have to know that almost everyone with a thomson xbox has had many DDEs due not to the games, but the dvd drive. This could be easily proven by playing a game known to lock up on thomsons, then playing the same game on a samsung.

The only reason MS could possibly have for not dropping thomson, or forcing them to get their act together, is cost. But even that shouldn't be a big deal for them. What's the difference between a (not real numbers) $5 billion loss and a $5.3 billion loss when the reputation of your console is on the line?

 

[Odysseus]

My Xbox works fine, and has since I've owned it. Thank you, Mr. Samsung.

My Dreamcast, on the other hand, did not like playing certain games, but I never cared to figure out why. It was a holdover console, anyway.

 

[Hellraizah]

Stop crying and get yourself and get some 2 years extended warranties on your consoles if you fear of it breaking down.

If you want a solid console, buy a fucking Neo Geo.

I can't believe someone would actually NOT buy a console because they fear it will break down.

 

[Alex]

My Dreamcast scared the shit out of me and anyone who went near it. Just booting up Skies of Arcadia would cause it to emit a creepy, high pitched scream. No joke.

 

[Oni Jazar]

I had a first gen Xbox with lots of dirty disc errors. Sent it to MS just a couple weeks back and they fixed it free of charge. Don't know why you bought so many new systems.

 

[Senretsu]

Yeah my friends have problems, but they treat them as if it were normal.

Dirty Disc Error? Just reset!

Game freeze? Reset!

I don't think that should be normal. Not necessarily resetting is bad (all optical drive hardware is prone to problems), but the frequency they have them. You should not have any problems. Not all of'em have this problem, but a fair amount does in my experience. Consumers shouldn't have to worry about things like which drive they are getting, but I guess thats what the warranty is for. Still when your X-Box dies after warranty (like it happened to 2 of my friends), it ain't pretty.

 

[RevenantKioku]

I can't believe someone would actually NOT buy a console because they fear it will break down.

Yes, because I love blowing $150-$300 and then deal with the hassles of it getting fixed.

It doesn't stop me, because I'm a sucker, but it sucks.

 

[Willco]

I had a first gen Xbox with lots of dirty disc errors. Sent it to MS just a couple weeks back and they fixed it free of charge. Don't know why you bought so many new systems.

Uh, because they said that I had NO CHOICE but to pay $100 and that goes for pretty much everybody. I don't know who's dick you sucked, but good for you.